01x12 - Double Date

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

[printer whirring]

ding

ding ding ding

ding ding ding

Can I help you?

Daffy Duck, picking
up my business cards.

How's the wizard business going?

Great. Lots of magic,
spells, things like that.

That'll be 215.25.

That seems awfully high.

Price reduce!

Reduce!

[grunting]

pop

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Now, don't forget to leave
a business card in the bowl.

You could win a romantic
evening for two.

[giggles]

Right this way.

- We'd like a table for two.
- Great.

I'd like a pair
of solid gold pants

but I'm not bugging
you about it.

[instrumental music]

[telephone ringing]

[ringing continues]

- Phone!
- Kinda got my hands full..

So do I.

Whoa..

[ringing continues]

splash

Ooh... ah!

I guess I have to do
everything around here.

Go.

This is Daffy Duck.

[indistinct]

What? I won!

A romantic evening for two!

Seven course meal?

Dancing? Heh, heh.

A limousine!

'I can't believe
my luck! Huh!'

'How's the wizard business?
Great!'

'Lots of magic, spells,
you know, things like that.'

See ya Friday night.

What are you doing Friday night?

- Nothing.
- Well, you are now.

Friday night, we're gonna
get dressed to the nines.

Get picked up in a limo

and have a fabulous
romantic dinner.

Daffy, what you just
described is a date.

I'm not going on
a date with you.

Oh, you're right.

I didn't think of it that way.

[dialing]

Hey, Porky, wanna go on a
romantic date Friday night?

I-I-I'd love to!

No, you idiot.

- Ask a woman!
- 'I'm so excited.'

'I'm so glad you
called. I've got..'

beep

Ask a woman?

But I have horrible
luck with women!

Hmm... the lobster
looks good.

We'll split a salad

and keep the bread coming.

Do you think I'm pretty?

No woman should be
judged on her looks.

But if I had to,
I'd say you're about

a four and a half.

I'm having a really nice time.

You have a little
something on your face.

squish squish squish

Ooh, wait.

That's a part of your face!

I just can't figure women out.

Well, maybe you
need to talk to one

and get a woman's perspective.

That's a great idea!

How about your girlfriend, Lola?

Lola is not my girlfriend.

And she's crazy.

All women are crazy.

Call her for me.
Hook it up.

No. I don't wanna call her.

Come on, hook it up.

I'm not hooking it up.

And who says "hook it up?"

I do. I say hook it up.

Hook it up. Please.

It's one quick phone call.

I'm begging you.

Hook... it... up!

[dialing]

[cell phone ringing]

- Hi, Bugs.
- How'd you know it was me?

Oh, I answer every
call like this.

Just in case it's you.

- 'Sorry!'
- No, i-it's okay.

It's just a weird
way to answer the...

No, no, I wasn't talking to you.

I almost hit an oil truck.

Oh! Well, maybe I'll call
you at a better time.

This is a better time.

This is a perfect time.
What are you kidding?

This is a perfect, better time..

Whoa! Go on.

Well, my friend Daffy
needs some dating advice

and I thought maybe
you could talk to him.

- 'Are you serious?'
- Well, if you'd rather not..

No, not you. I'm sorry.
I almost hit another oil truck.

Driving is hard.

- So you want me to help Daffy?
- Yes.

Would that be a nice
thing for me to do?

Yes.

- And you like nice people?
- Yes.

So if I help Daffy,
you'll like me?

- Uh, I guess.
- Then I'll do it!

- Great, thanks.
- 'Uh-oh.'

What? You won't do it?

'No, that time I did
hit an oil truck.'

'I have to go. Bye!'

[expl*si*n]

[instrumental music]

Before you can have
a successful date

you need to understand women.

So I've written you
a script filled with things

that every woman
will wanna hear on a date.

If you say these things,
I guarantee that

any woman will immediately
fall in love with you.

- Really?
- Just say those words.

"You are a beautiful,
beautiful woman.

"You are the epitome of grace,
style and femininity.

You're my best friend."

This stuff is pretty good.

Told you!

"You're my best friend.

"In fact, you're
the only friend I need.

"Here's a good idea

'"let's get rid of all
of our other friends'

'"and only be friends
with each other.'

"Also, we should
cut off family members

"that don't support
our relationship.

"Also, we should have jobs
where we work together.

"Because if there's one thing
I know, it's that if we drop

"all of our friends,
cut off our families

"and work together,
we are guaranteed

to have a perfect
relationship."

This really works on women?

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

I just... I never noticed

how handsome... you were.

Oh, thanks.

You have a really big beak.

Thank you very much.

So... have you given
any thought of

who you want wanna invite
on your romantic date?

I have, actually.

- Anyone I know?
- Could be.

You know that girl Tina,
from the copy place?

Her beak's even
bigger than mine.

Well, thanks for the help.

Call me sometime!

[laughing]

Good one!

[instrumental music]

[printer whirring]

[clears throat]

- Yeah?
- Hi.

Uh, I-I'm not sure
if you remember me..

- You're the wizard, right?
- You do remember me!

How could I forget?

- Your check bounced.
- What?

I'm gonna have to have
a serious talk

with my financial advisor.

This should take care of it.

So, uh, Tina, I was wondering

if by any chance you're
not doing anything tonight

which you probably are
because you're not ugly

but if for some reason
you're
not, would you maybe
possibly

no pressure if you can't
just wondering, you know

would you like
to go out with me?

Maybe.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Well, you can't blame
a guy for trying.

I said I'd love
to go out with you.

- Really?
- Yeah. It'll be fun.

Great! I'll pick you
up at 8:00.

Don't use that money.
You'll get arrested.

[instrumental music]

Gotta smell nice for my date.

Maybe another little dab.

Safety dab.

'Hello, Daffy.'

[instrumental music]

Huh! Lola!
What are you doing here?

- Did you ask that girl out?
- Yeah, I did.

So you're gonna go out with her?

What do you even know about this
girl? She could be trouble.

She could be dangerous,
you know, not

not every girl
is as stable as me.

creak

No, Tina's great.

Her name's Tina? Heh.
That's not even a real name.

It's a made up name like
Ballswick or Kathlarg.

I think Tina's a real name.

Oh, she has you so duped.

I think you should leave.

Fine.

But you are making
a huge mistake.

[dramatic music]

Tina's crazy!
She's a crazy person!

She's a crazy, fake name person
who's probably a stalker!

[gasps]

I'm just gonna leave this
ladder here... for later.

I can't lose him.

I've got to stop that date.

And I know just how
I'm going to do it.

Is it weird to talk to myself?
No, it's not weird.

Think I need a haircut?
I don't know.

You could grow out your bangs.

Ooh, that's a good idea.

- Hey, Lola.
- Oh, hi, Bugs.

- How'd your talk with Daffy go?
- Great! Really great.

Super great. It could not
have been greater.

Wow! Well, thanks again
for doing that.

I'll make it up to you sometime.

How about tonight?

- Dinner?
- Oh, uh, I don't know.

- You gotta eat.
- Ehh..

Come on, one dinner?
No big deal. Nothing fancy.

- O-kay.
- Great.

I know just the restaurant.

It's very casual,
it's very laid-back.

This is casual and laid-back?

Who said anything about
casual and laid back?

- Uh... you did.
- Oh-oh! Right.

Ugh, I meant to say
fancy and uptight.

Sometimes I get
my words mixed up.

Like I'll say "bubbles" when
I
really mean "pick-up truck"

or "jelly" when I really
mean, uh, like a "boat."

[laughing]

[both laughing]

What was that for?

Sometimes I kiss people
when I really mean

to walk to my table.

[instrumental music]

- 'Oh, Mac?'
- 'Yes, Chum?'

Could you please pass me
the cream for my cup of tea?

- I would be delighted.
- Well, thank you!

Not at all. Thank you
for your thank you.

Oh, well, you're welcome
for my thank you.

Well, thank you again.

[both laughing]

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar
your favorite spice ♪

♪ My aunt sent me
a birthday card ♪

♪ I was so completely charmed ♪

♪ I seized the chance
I could not pass it ♪

♪ I sent her a muffin basket ♪

♪ I was at the bank today ♪

♪ The teller sent
a smile my way ♪

♪ She did it with
such great panache ♪

♪ I gave the teller
all my cash ♪

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar
your favorite spice ♪

♪ When helping Granny
cross the street ♪

♪ Take the time
to massage her feet ♪

♪ Be B-E P-O-L-I-T-E ♪

♪ Be B-E P-O-L-I-T-E ♪

♪ Say please and thank you ♪

♪ When you hear a sneeze
say bless you ♪

♪ Open doors
and pull out chairs ♪

♪ Don't push people
down the stairs ♪

♪ We were dining
Thursday night ♪

♪ The waiter set our
plates just right ♪

♪ We were so very impressed ♪

♪ We knitted him
a sweater vest ♪

♪ When our car ran out of gas ♪

♪ The tow truck driver
got there fast ♪

♪ He filled our t*nk
with no delay ♪

♪ We took him
to a Broadway play ♪

♪ Be polite always be nice ♪

♪ Make sugar
your favorite spice ♪

♪ If someone sh**t you
with a laser beam ♪

♪ Remember that it would
be rude to scream ♪

♪ Be polite ♪♪

Or I'll vaporize you.

[zapping]

[instrumental music]

- Nice place.
- Yeah, uh-huh.

Can you just scooch
a little bit that way?

Thanks, yeah,
I just like to be able

to see all the exits

in case of an emergency.

creak

Hmm, aged beef.

Where do they get that from?

A retirement community for cows?

Heh-heh!

- Uh, Lola?
- Huh? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I totally agree

with whatever you just said.

Check it out, cloth napkins!
Nice, right?

You are a beautiful,
beautiful woman.

You are the epitome of grace,
style and femininity.

'You're my best friend.'

I'm your best friend?

- We just met.
- Oh, uh, hold on.

"When I'm with you, every day
is Valentine's Day.

"Except for the real
Valentine's Day

which we will now call
Super Valentine's Day."

- Are you reading something?
- No, I mean..

"What all women wanna hear."

What woman wants to hear
stuff like this?

- Lola! Lola!
- Hmm?

I was just asking if you
wanna split an appetizer.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah,
Whatever you want, Daffy.

- It's Bugs.
- Huh?

I'm Bugs.

Okay, so what do
you want, a medal?

You're a grown-up.
You don't need a script.

Let's just get to know each
other. Tell me about
yourself.

Okay, uh, well.
What do you want to know?

I'm rich, very rich.
But a do-gooder.

I help poor people,
orphans, whales.

You know, that's..

Look, if you're not gonna
tell me about yourself

let me take a sh*t.

You're an insecure little weirdo

who lies about everything,
and probably

'cries himself to sleep
every night.'

Wow, you're good.

Well, I guess this date's over.

Hey! Get back here.
Relax. It's not over.

But you said all those horrible,
true things about me!

You're like
an abandoned building

that ought to be condemned.

You know, busted windows,
rats running around

a real nasty sewage situation.

But maybe if the right
person got a hold of it

and cleaned it up
maybe they could

take that disgusting building

and turn it into something
not so disgusting.

Are you that person?

Lucky for you,
I like the projects.

And am I that
disgusting building?

Yeah!

That is the nicest thing

that anyone has ever
said about me!

A la carte? I guess.

I mean, if you'll a carte too.

[chuckles]

Oh, come on!

Give me something.

Oh, I don't like this.

I can take a hint.

If you'll excuse me.

What is happening?

She kisses me then ignores me?

I mean, a retirement
community for cows.

That was funny!

Alright, pull yourself together.

Date's not over.

We haven't even ordered yet.

Wait till dessert.

'I've got great dessert
material.'

'Chocolate mousse?'

'They'll dip anything
in chocolate these days.'

[sighs]

The point is, date's not over.

[both laughing]

[snorting and laughing]

Ha! You sound like a pig!

[both laughing]

[snorting]

Ahem, good evening.
My name's Kathlarg.

I'll be your server.

Lola! I didn't know
you worked here.

Yep. Worked here my whole life,
since the day I was born.

Can I get you anything?

Uh, someone already
took our order.

[whistles]

Wow.

[instrumental music]

Ooh, that's my jam.
Wanna dance?

Hook it up!

thud

So, Lola, uh..

...you know I invented
the carrot peeler.

Too braggy.
Seen any good movies lately?

Ugh, too boring.

You have beautiful ears.

Perfect.

♪ Ooh yeah yeah ooh ♪

♪ Who's that girl
with the red dress on? ♪

♪ Who's that girl?
She's a crazy one ♪

♪ Not all girls
are what they seem ♪

♪ And there can only be
one girl of your dreams ♪

♪ Well lose that girl
with the made up name? ♪

♪ I said lose that girl
with the made up name? ♪

♪ I said I lose that girl
with the made up name ♪

♪ And get with the girl
who cared enough about you ♪

♪ To break into your bedroom ♪

What are you doing?

I'm trying to win
my boyfriend back.

♪ I said lose that girl.. ♪♪

What boyfriend?

Daffy.

Daffy's not your boyfriend.
I'm your boyfriend!

- Say that again?
- Mm-mm.

That's okay.
I have it right here.

(Bugs on recorder)
'I'm your boyfriend.'

Oh, boy.

[rewinding tape]

'I'm your boyfriend.'

[rewinding tape]

'I'm your boyfriend.'

- Bugs, what are you doing here?
- We're on a date!

He's my boyfriend.
I'm his girlfriend.

♪ We're boyfriend girlfriend ♪♪

I thought you were our waitress.

[whistles]

Wow! She's a keeper.

You know what we should do
some time? Double date!

How about tomorrow night?
You guys like Thai?

(both)
Yeah, I love it!

[indistinct chattering]

What just happened?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Beep! Beep!

[dramatic music]

[music continues]

rumble

'Beep! Beep!'

thud

Beep! Beep!

[instrumental music]

tap tap

[dramatic music]

thud

rumble

thud

thud

Beep! Beep!

[instrumental music]

[thud]

[whoosh]

squeak

spoot

[dramatic music]

[rumbling]

[intense music]

[instrumental music]

Beep! Beep!

[both laughing]

That's the best date
I've ever had with a wizard.

There's something
I should tell you.

I'm not really a wizard.

[both laughing]

(Porky)
'F-f-f-finally!'

I w-was worried you
w-weren't gonna show up.

What are you talking about?

I t-thought we were having
d-d-dinner tonight.

Oh. I think I might've
eaten your dinner, Porky.

- How do you k-k-know my name?
- I don't.

That was more of an observation.

Are those for me?

[both laughing]

I g-g-g-gotta get a girlfriend.

[theme music]

That's all, what?

What are folks?

He's crazy.