01x18 - The DMV

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Looney Tunes Show". Aired: May 3, 2011 - November 2, 2013.*
Watch/Buy Amazon  Merchandise


Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.
Post Reply

01x18 - The DMV

Post by bunniefuu »

Come on! We're gonna
be late for the movie.

[instrumental music]

What are you wearing?

I don't know about you, but
I'm getting a student discount.

You're driving?
You always drive!

Let me drive.

I'm not going in that thing.

It's not a "thing,"
it's a parade float.

It'll take us 18 hours to find
a parking spot. I'm driving.

You think you get to make
all the decisions?

What are you,
the man in the relationship?

We're not in a relationship.

Well, guess what?
I'm a man, too!

And today, this man is going
to drive you to the movies

and buy your ticket.

So you can just leave
your wallet and keys here

because this man is
wearing the pants today.

Oops! Almost forgot
my purse.

Come on, you big lug!

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

You really gonna
buy my movie ticket?

Of course!

Here, put these on.

Is this a diaper?

Babies get in free. Tsk.

Aaah! Ho!

Daffy! That was a stop sign.

[siren wailing]

Relax.

I have a way with cops.

Oh! Hello, officer jerk-face!

I didn't recognize you
away from the donut shop.

I guess you can't
catch real criminals

so instead you just
harass innocent citizens!

What a waste of my tax dollars!

Can I see your driver's license?

My what?

Just give him your
driver's license.

What's a driver's license?

You don't have
a driver's license?

Sir, you're not
allowed to operate

a vehicle without
a driver's license.

Please step out of the car

I'm gonna have to have it towed.

Towed?

But I'm just an
innocent schoolgirl.

And this is my baby brother.

Put on the diaper!

You can get your vehicle back..

...when you get
a driver's license.

[engine revving]

You're gonna scratch it!

[whimpering]

[screaming]

What a man.

[cellphone ringing]

- Hey, Lola.
- 'Hey, Bugs! Whatcha doin'?'

Standing on the side
of the road.

Fun. Oh, my gosh.

Uh! you're never
gonna believe this.

There is a guy standing
on the side of the road

who looks just like you.

- I'm about to hit him.
- Huh!

[tires screeching]

You look just like my boyfriend!

You poor thing, I can't believe

Daffy was driving without
a driver's license.

- That is so irresponsible..
- Ah-huh!

[instrumental music]

[cars screeching & honking]

Lola!

[police siren blaring]

That was a red light.

Ooh, I can't go to jail!

I'm too pretty!
I won't last a day!

No, no, I-I'll lift weights.
I'll get really muscular.

My voice will get really deep.

I'll run the place.

[tapping]

Hi, officer.

Can I see your driver's license?

Absolutely. Just one second.

Hold on, let me see here..

Oh, here we go.
Oh, no, wait.

That's my credit card.

[clicks]

Here we go.
Oh, nope.

That's a recipe
for salmon balls.

They're really good.
Here it is..

Oh, no, that's my frozen yogurt
frequent muncher card.

Two more and I get
a free waffle cone. Mmm..

Oh, here it is.
It was hiding.

Oh, no, wait,
that's a picture of Bugs.

Isn't he cute?

smack

Here it is, wait, ugh

that's a basketball card.

Manu Ginobili.

Ilove Manu Ginobili.

Oh, here it is! Oops,
fortune cookie fortune.

"You will receive an unexpected
letter from a friend."

How does the cookie know that?
That's crazy.

- I'm sorry, what did you want?
- Your driver's license.

Oh, yeah, I don't
have one of those.

smack

[instrumental music]

This is stupid.

Sorry, I just gotta talk
to my wife real quick.

You know, personal matter.

Daffy Duck. Give me
a driver's license.

Well, you need to take a test.

A test?

What is this, communist Russia?

Next you're gonna to tell me I
need to take a test to breathe?

Or to practice law?

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Finished.

You can take the test
right over there.

I thought that was the test.

That was the application
to take the test.

What? Those questions
were impossible!

Address, date of birth

who has that stuff memorized?

I didn't know what
to put for gender.

Here's a study guide.

I don't need your propaganda!

Well, maybe I'll just skim it.

[instrumental music]

Thank goodness you were here.

That was a really hard test.

That's the application!

You take the test over there.

Would you like a study guide?

Naah, I think I'm good.

She'll take the study guide.

What is the speed limit
in a residential area?

When are roads
the most slippery?

Who is allowed to park
in a handicapped spot?

This is even harder
than the application!

No talking.

Ronald Regan was right.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay, interesting.
Okay, makes sense.

So, that's a good rule.
Yep, got it!

Okay, I'm ready
to take the test.

You, uh, read that awfully fast.

- You sure?
- Uh, does a red light mean go?

[instrumental music]

I failed?

How did I fail?

Well, you marked
C for every answer.

Do you know who I am?

I'm Daffy Duck!

D... Duck?

What do you think the "D"
in DMV stands for?

It stands for "Department."

Well, that's my middle name.

Daffy "Department" Duck.

Sir, you can take
the test again.

Y-you get two chances.

Good to see my name
still carries

a little weight around here.

Lola? What are you
doing here?

Oh, I don't have
a driver's license.

Hmph, irresponsible.

You can't cross two
double yellow lines?

Huh! I didn't know that.

[cellphone ringing]
Hello?

(Lola)
'Are you allowed to drive
in a bike lane?'

Lola, you can't call me
you're taking a test.

[whispering]
Just yes or no?

I'm not helping you cheat.

[cellphone ringing]

I said I'm not
helping you cheat!

(Daffy)
'Are you allowed to park
in a handicapped space?'

- Daffy?
- Yes or no?

- It's a simple hard question.
- No!

Of course you're not allowed
to park in a handicapped space!

[instrumental music]

What is this, communist Russia?

[phone ringing]

- Eh, hello?
- Hey, Pork.

- Oh, hi, B-Bugs.
- What are you doing?

Oh, uh, just uh, pla-pi-e,
picking up my dry cleaning.

(male #1)
'Would you like
fries with that?'

(Porky)
'Ha-ha-ha, w-why would I want'

'fries with
my dry cleaning? Heh'

'Yes, jumbo fries.'

Could you give me a ride?

'I'm stuck at the DMV.'

- It's, it's, sure.
- 'Uh, just one thing.'

You have your driver's
license, right?

- O-of course I do.
- 'Great.'

(male #1)
'Are you gonna
want any ketchup'

'with your fries?'

[phone beeps]

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?
- 'Where are you?'

O-oh, sorry, t-they
messed up my order.

U-uh, I mean,
my d-d-d-ry cleaning.

'O-o-oh, there you are.'

B-but what are
you doing at the DMV?

[police siren]

[chomping]

Driver's license?

W-w-what'd I do?

I've never been pulled
over for anything!

Uh, I follow
the r-r-rules of the road.

S-s-s-safety first.

You can't talk on
a cell phone while driving

without a hands-free device.

- Eh, s-since when?
- July 1st.

Ahh! I voted for that!

Also, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the vehicle.

- Eh, w-w-why?
- Your license is expired.

Aaah!

'O-oh, I know that one.
Oh, t-that's an easy one.'

'W-who wouldn't
know t-that one?'

And... done.

Oh!

Uh, D-Daffy?

Oh, hey, Porky.
What are you doing here?

M-my d-driver's license expired.

So irresponsible.

Hello again.

I think you'll really
enjoy grading this.

Tsk!

You passed!

Y-you got a perfect score!

That's because I'm passionate
about the material.

Now give me my license.

That was the written
test, you still need

to pass the driver's test.

Driver's test!

How am I gonna cheat
on a driver's test?

I'm sorry, you failed.

Eh, w-what?

T-t-that's impossible.

Uh, I read
t-the rules of the road

every night before b-bed.

You get to take
it one more time.

Maybe this time, don't answer
B for every question.

Ummh..

(Speedy)
'Bueno,this is Speedy.'

(Bugs)
'Hey, Speedy, it's Bugs.'

'Let me ask you something.'

'Do you have a valid
driver's license?'

(male #2)
'Next!'

I didn't know you worked here.

Eh, double dip recession.

Gotta get them
multiple revenue streams.

You know, we could probably
make this a lot easier

on both of us, if you just
wanted to pass me right now.

You know, seeing that
we're neighbors and all.

Son, you're barking
up the wrong tree.

I take my job very seriously.

And I gotta warn ya..

...I'm a real stickler.

If you make one, just one

itsy-bitsy mistake

you're a gonna fail.

[cackling]

Ooh... aah..

You don't happen
to have a phone book

I could sit on, do you?

Ey-eh that's right,
yeah t-that's right.

T-these are all right.

I have to pass..

- L-Lola!
- Oh, hi, Porky.


- What are you doing here?
- Ahh..

My driver's license expired.

Mm-mm. You and Daffy.

So irresponsible.

Hi, sorry that took so long.
I'm a little nervous.

I'm not a really
good test taker.

I'm more of a test giver.

Or a test watcher.
Or a taste tester.

You passed. Perfect score.

Oh, my gosh, I did?

I'm a really good test taker.

[instrumental music]

- You failed again.
- Wh-what?

What's happening?
Eh, let me take another one.

I'm sorry, sir.
You only get two chances.

D-d-did I at least come close?

[instrumental music]

Turn left at the next
intersection.

[cars screeching and honking]

[music continues]

How'd that go?

Great.

[tires screeching]

[honking]

[engine revving]

How am I supposed
to get in that?

Get in it? All you asked was if
I had a valid driver's license.

And to meet you at the DMV.

You wanted a ride?
I'm not a taxi driver, man.

I'm in the middle
of a lunch rush!

[engine revving]

Ayh!

[tire screeching]

[speaking in foreign language]

Idiota!

[gasping]

Aye,gringos.

[music continues]

- 'So are we parallel parked?'
- Mm-hm.

This driver's test is graded

on a scale of one to a hundred.

And considering the type
of driving you just did

what grade would
you give yourself?

Hundred.

I get that one a lot.

[instrumental music]

Oh... this is embarrassing.

- Next!
- Hi!

Cool your jets, blondie.

I'm a real stickler.

You look familiar.

' "Yosemite" .'

It's Yosemite.

Oh, like the national park!

You know, I was named
after a national park.

Oh, no, wait, sorry, I wasn't
named after a national park.

I was named after
my grandmother.

Oh, no, wait, my
grandmother's
name is Betty not Lola.

'Wait, there's a national
park named Betty?'

- Can you just take a right?
- A right?

Yosemite, I just got a perfect
score on my written test.

I think I can do a little
more than take a right.

[car revving]

[instrumental music]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[car honking]

[both screaming]

Whoaa!

Tsk!

'Huh?'

[jet engine whooshing]

[crow cawing]

[music continues]

[train honking]

[tires screeching]

[ship honking]

[car cruising]

[police siren]

[tires screeching]

Did I pass?

Hello!

Yeah, I passed.

Oh, now I know
why you look familiar.

You're Bugs' neighbor!

He told me so much about you.

He's not a fan.

I can't believe they named
a national park after that guy.

[groaning]

I'm not gonna k*ll you.

You get your license?

Uh, uh, I failed.

T-t-twice!

So you'll take the test
again next week.

N-n-n-no way.
Uh, um, I'm done driving.

T-t-the only people
who deserve a driver's
license

are responsible,
l-law abiding citizens

who k-k-know the rules
of the road.

Oww!

Licensed driver comin' through!

Whoo! Out of my way!

Licensed driver! 100%!

Well, there's an exception
to every rule.

I got my driver's
license! Whoo-hoo!

- Maybe two exceptions.
- Look, bun bun!

I'm an organ donor.
Are you an organ donor?

You wanna give each
other our organs?

- Ehh..
- Well.

We can decide later.
You ready to go?

Be my first passenger
as a licensed driver!

Thanks, but I have
to drive Porky home.

[whispering]
He didn't pass.

Oh, stay strong.
You'll get through this.

I know, I've been there.
But I'm not there anymore!

Whoo-hoo! Driver's license!

[instrumental music]

How do you get
out of this place?

Here we go!

B-B-Bugs!

[police siren blaring]

What did I do?

Y-y-you can't cross
two double yellow lines.

Oh! I just read that!

[police siren blaring]

- Hello again.
- Driver's license.

Sure thing.

Leave your wallet at home.

Ugh..

I left my wallet at home.

Eh, I'm just gonna walk.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[tires screeching]

[instrumental music]

vroom

[music continues]

Beep beep!

ting ting

[instrumental music]

[squeaking]

[music continues]

[remote control beeps]

[rattling]

[instrumental music]

Beep beep!

[fizzing]

[beeping]

[tapping]

[intense music]

[radio-controlled car beeps]

[crackling]

[car beeps]

[car beeps]

[beeping]

[snake rattling]

[crackling]

boom

thud

[siren blaring]

[honks]

[honking]

Beep beep!

[instrumental music]

One ticket. I'm a student.

Sir, please.

'Goo-goo, ga-ga.'

I'm a baby, and I want
to see a movie for free.

[instrumental music]

Get your hands off me!

I'm a licensed driver!

Do you have any idea who
you're dealing with?

I'm a licensed driver!

I have a license!

They don't just..

[theme music]

That's all, folks.
Post Reply