01x24 - The Shelf

[bunniefuu]

(man on speaker phone)
'Hello,
this is Helmut Jorgensen'

'from the Nobel Prize
Foundation.'

'I'm calling to inform
Mr. Bugs Bunny'

'that he has been awarded
the Nobel Prize..'

[automated]
'Message deleted.'

(Tina)
'Daffy, Tina.'

'Just reminding you,
tomorrow's date night.'

'Don't forget to make re..'

[automated]
'Message deleted.'

(Porky)
'Hey, guys. It's Porky.'

'I'm in kind of an emergency,
and I..'

[automated]
'Message deleted.'

- 'End of messages.'
- Anything important?

Nope.

[grunting]

I c-can't hold on much longer!

[grunts and screams]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Wow. I'm glad
you're okay, Porky.

But you know,
next time that happens

you really should call someone.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, got to go.

beep

[vehicle departing]

"Sweden?"

- What's that?
- Huh.

I guess I won the Nobel Prize.

What's the Nobel Prize?

An award given to those
who have made

the greatest contributions
to the betterment of humanity.

Oh, the betterment of humanity!

That's why I haven't won one.

I wonder where I should put it.

Ugh, you're gonna display it?

That's so tacky, so showy.

Have a little decorum.

What about that thing?

This?

Oh, this is a major award.

World's greatest daughter?

Do you know how many daughters
there are in the world?

Millions.

And I, "Sandra Sanchez"

am the world's greatest.

Now get your own shelf.

[sighs]

Here's your shelf.

You know,
for an additional 20 bucks

we'd be happy to
install it for you.

Twenty dollars?
To install a shelf?

I won a Nobel Prize!

I think I can put up
my own shelf.

thud

Looks secure.

Hmm. I guess
I need to find a stud.

[tapping]

Ah. Here we go.

Yep. That's the stud
right there.

cr*ck

Guess that wasn't a stud.

You guys have anything
to fill in

a couple of tiny, little holes?

Barely anything.

- You mean spackle?
- Yeah, spackle.

Some people call it spackle.

Aisle 19.

You havin' trouble
puttin' up that shelf?

What? No.

I put that up no problem.
Just hammered it right in there.

Hammered?
You used a drill, right?

Of course.
Drilled it right in there.

Are the drills
anywhere near the spackle?

Well, the award will cover that.

[whirring]

[doorbell rings]

Oh. Hi, Tina.

Hey. Picking up Daffy.
Date night.

- Oh, is that a Timmel?
- Huh? Oh, yeah.

That's my brand, Timmel.

Is that what you said, Timmel?

- What you working on?
- Just putting up a shelf.

[whirring and clanking]

- Oh, that doesn't sound good.
- It's fine.

- I'm sure I just hit a stud.
- That's not a stud.

You either hit your junction box
or a water pipe.

Thanks for your help. But I
think I know what I'm doing.

I mean, I won the Nobel Prize.

[whirrs and clanks]

There, see?

(Daffy)
What happened to the water?

Guess it was your water pipe.

- What are you doing here?
- Date night. Remember?

Isn't that why
you're in the shower?

What? No. I got peanut butter
all over my back.

When's the water
gonna come back on?

Well, first, he's got
to remove the drywall.

Saw off the damaged pipe,
and put on a slip coupler.

'Then, he's going to
replace the drywall'

spray the texture on,
and paint it.

I could do it for you, but
it
would take a couple of days.

A couple of days? I can't go
without a shower for that long!

Since when do you take
so many showers?

It's the principle.

If I'm gonna pay rent somewhere

then I want everything to work.

You don't pay rent.

And I won't.
Not until that's fixed.

Now where am I supposed to live?

They won't let me back at the Y.

Long story.

I guess you could stay with me.

I don't think so. Not until
there's a ring on this finger.

[hissing]

Here. Looks like you're
going to need this.

Hey. My eyes are up here.

(Daffy)
Thanks for letting me
stay here, Porky.

It will be fun,
it can get kind of lonely

l-living in this
big old house by myself.

Well, t-this
is the guest bedroom.

Great. I'm sure you'll be
very comfortable here.

[instrumental music]

You get that shelf up?

Shelf? Ha ha ha.

You must have me confused
with somebody else.

I'm a totally different
customer.

Never been here before.

- Just the saw?
- Uh, yeah.

Oh, I-I'm also going to
need a... slip coupler.

Oh. You got
a cracked water pipe?

Oh, yeah. Heh.
You know how that goes.

The water was pouring out
when I left.

You mean, you didn't
shut off the water main?

[screaming]

Keep the change!

crash

Congratulations!

Lola, I got to get inside
and shut off the water main.

Whatever that is.

Winning the Nobel Prize?

- That's amazing!
- Lola, move it!

I mean, no bells.

None. I can't live
without bells.

[jangling]

I think my house is flooded!

Wow! Someone wins
the Nobel Prize

and thinks they're pretty hot.

Well, guess what?
You're not, alright?

All you did was not
have a bell, okay?

Anyone could do that.
I could totally do that.

Who am I kidding? No I can't.
Bells are so fun!

[jangling]

What's going on, man?
I was taking a nap.

I almost drowned!

I was trying to put up a shelf

and I drilled into a water pipe.

Why didn't you just pay
someone to put it up for you?

- I don't get it.
- I won the Nobel Prize.

I think I can put up a shelf.

Oh, the Nobel Prize, huh?
What did you get it for?

Making bad decisions?

[jangling]

Speedy, what are you doing here?

I live here.
Or at least I used to.

Wait a minute.
You live in Bugs' house?

Don't you own a restaurant?
Can't you afford your own place?

Mm. Probably.

Speedy, we're adults, okay?

Adults live on their own.

- Where do you live?
- With my parents.

They gave me these bells!

knock knock

What's up?

Oh, I was just gonna
do some laundry.

So I-I n-need to get
my laundry basket.

I'll get it.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

Hold it.
These are my whites.

These are my darks.
Oh!

And... these are my delicates.

I-I've never seen you
wear clothes.

I like having the option.

Now, pay attention.

The delicates
don't go in the machine.

These are a 100% silk.

They need to be hand washed.

- Got it?
- I-I think.

Repeat it back to me.

Uh, d-darks, whites,
d-delicates.

- What about the delicates?
- Uh, hand wash them?

Oh, and I'm having a lady
friend over for dinner tonight.

So here's a list
for the grocery store.

Ooh, who are we having
d-dinner with?

I'm having dinner
with my girlfriend.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I'm in the middle of something.

It's fun having a roommate.

Alright.
Let's see what we got here.

crash

Looks like we got
a big hole in the wall.

Okay. So I guess I just need to
make a cut here and here.

Then remove this part,
put in a slip coupler

then somehow...
fix this whole wall.

Pop in the ol' shelf,
and we're done. Easy.

[whirring]

Whoa!

[creaks]

I wonder if this beam
was important.

[cracking]

Hmm. Might need to get
a little more spackle.

[creaking]

[crash]

Maybe a lot more spackle.

[theme music]

Happy b-birthday, Daffy!

[gasps]

D-do you like it?

Hmm.

♪ You've given me
a birthday gift ♪

♪ You've really given
my day a lift ♪

♪ Oh wow a childhood photo
of you and me ♪

♪ But I have to tell you
something now ♪

♪ And I'm trying to
find the words how ♪

♪ While your gift
was thoughtful ♪

♪ It was also chintzy ♪

♪ I can remedy the situation ♪

♪ And you can avoid
future humiliation ♪

♪ If you would just follow
these gift-giving guidelines ♪

♪ Buy me something
made of solid gold ♪

♪ 'Cause this homemade sweater
leaves me cold ♪

♪ Think in term of things
that are expensive ♪

♪ A coffee mug
that says my best friend ♪

♪ Will find a new home
in my trash bin ♪

♪ And if you knit me a scarf ♪

♪ I'll bury it
in the backyard ♪

Now, pay attention.

♪ Chintzy chintzy
chintzy chintzy ♪

♪ Not chintzy ♪

♪ Chintzy chintzy
chintzy chintzy ♪

♪ Very chintzy ♪

♪ This gift has a hot date ♪

♪ With my shredder ♪

♪ Buy me a Jacuzzi
filled with caviar ♪

♪ Or a diamond-encrusted
rocket car ♪

♪ And when in doubt
try a briefcase full of money ♪

♪ Try to stay away
from arts and crafts ♪

♪ I don't want your homemade
bubble bath ♪

♪ And cookies are better when
they're made by professionals ♪

♪ Buy me a ranch with
a thousand longhorn steers ♪

♪ Or a mansion filled
with crystal chandeliers ♪

♪ An M60A3 army t*nk ♪

♪ Would be met
with heartfelt thanks ♪

♪ Because that's something I
could drive to the supermarket ♪

Oh, I get it.

♪ Chintzy chintzy
chintzy chintzy ♪

- Not chintzy.
- Good.

♪ Chintzy chintzy
chintzy chintzy ♪

- Very chintzy
- Yes.

♪ That's why I'm setting fire ♪

♪ To the photo you gave me ♪

♪ So I'm glad
I could help you out ♪

♪ This is what
friendship's all about ♪

♪ But the next gift
that you bring ♪

♪ Should require a trailer ♪

♪ So before a new day dawns ♪

♪ Maybe cash in your
savings bonds ♪

♪ And buy me a present ♪

♪ That is not ♪

♪ Chintzy-y-y-y ♪♪

- Phew.
- 'Ahem.'

You still owe me
a birthday present.

[instrumental music]

- Well, what do you think?
- Hmm.

It's pretty nice, I guess.

Maybe I could put
my hole over here.

What are you talking about?

You don't have to live
in a hole.

You got all this space.

I don't know.
It seems so big.

I could help you decorate.
Oh, it will be fun!

I have a really great eye.
It's my left one.

My right eye's
just a regular eye.

Oh, no, wait. I'm wrong.
My right eye is my great eye.

My left eye has X-ray vision.

Hey, my eyes are up here, okay?

I can totally see through that.

[wheels squeak]

Doing a little home improvement?

Oh, you know.

Just tinkering with
a few little projects.

'Nothing big,
just replacing the ceiling'

an entire wall,
most of the floor.

Maybe put in a new
support beam or two.

That'll be $2,865.43 cents.

Say what?

What do you think?

I think I need to
get back to the gym.

Not you, silly.
The mirror.

Oh-oh! It's divine!
Is it Rococo?

No, no, no.
It's Baroque.

But a Baroque mirror
is seven years' bad luck.

[both giggle]

[bell dings]

- Ooh. Nice bell.
- May we help you?

Hi! Yes. Hello. Hi.

I am decorating an apartment

for a dear, dear friend of mine.

Ooh, whatever can you
tell us about him?

Um, well, he's a mouse
named Speedy Gonzalez.

I think he might wear a hat.

Well, we just received
some lovely pieces from
Spain.

This particular chest of drawers
is 18th Century Mahogany.

Notice the burled
walnut inset panels.

Oh, I don't know.
It's not really speaking to me.

Oh, well, perhaps
Senor Gonzalez would prefer

something a little more modern.

I am positively obsessed
with this mid-century sofa.

No. This isn't really
speaking to me, either.

[gasps]
Ooh!

Now, this is speaking to me.

Hmm? Oh, thank you.

That's very flattering,
but I have a boyfriend.

He just won the Nobel Prize.

Besides, you're not
really my type.

You're too tall.
And you're an armoire.

So.. Huh?

Oh, an arm-wah.
Excuse me!

Blah, blah, blah,
I'm from France.

Well, uh, what about this?
It arrived this morning.

Look, I appreciate
what you're trying to do

but you don't know Speedy
like I know Speedy.

I know you think you do,
because you're all mice.

- We're gophers.
- We're gophers.

Oh. Is that different?

Just take a look.
It's Italian Baroque.

- Isn't it exquisite?
- Hmm.

It is nice.
And Speedy is Italian.

Maybe this is Speedy!

[crash]

Oh, you know what?

No, this, this isn't Speedy.

Mm-mmm.

Yeah, I think I'm just
gonna keep looking around

try few more stores and maybe

'some place that feels
more like him.'

[nervous chuckle]

[bell dings]

Oh, I do love that bell, though.
It's a great bell.

[bell dings]

Seven years isn't that long,
when you think about it.

[slurping]

What?
You don't like lobster bisque?

[scoffs]
I'll get you something else.

Something for a less
refined palate.

[bell dings]

So, uh..
Where's Porky?

How may I be-be
that-be of service?

Porky, what are you doing
in that outfit?

(Daffy)
Don't engage the help.

That better be
my bread and butter.

Yes, sir.

The lady doesn't like her soup.

Bring her something else.

There's nothing wrong
with the soup.

- The butter is hard!
- What?

I said, "The butter is hard."

Because somebody
failed to let it soften

before serving dinner.

I'm sorry. I-I just got so busy
with the creme brulee.

[stammers]
But you're not too
busy to make excuses!

Ow! That hurt!

I bet it hurt,
because it's hard!

Daffy!

This doesn't concern you, Tina.

This is between me
and my butler.

He's not your butler!
Porky, you are not his butler.

I-I know. I just..
I like having someone around.

Are these store-bought rolls?

- Ow!
- Of course you're saying "Ow!"

They're like rocks!

Ow!

Porky, what are you doing?

You're letting him walk
all over you like this.

'This is your house!
Be a man.'

- Y-you're right.
- What?

I was s-sick of wearing this,
anyway.

There.
That's better.

Well, if this dump
doesn't come with a butler

I might as well
go back to the old dump.

And I can tell
you put these in the dryer.

(Lola)
'Okay. In decorating
your apartment'

'I had to ask myself,
"Who is Speedy Gonzalez?"'

What does Speedy Gonzalez want?

What does Speedy Gonzalez need?

I had to get inside
the mind of Speedy Gonzalez.

It wasn't easy,
but I think I nailed it.

Speedy Gonzalez, welcome home!

[gasps]
'What do you think?'

(Speedy)
'Uh, yeah, it's, uh..'

There's a lot of
little bells everywhere.

These bells have little bells
inside the bells!

[dinging]

(Speedy)
You know, Lola, I appreciate
you doing all of this

but I think I'm going to
go back to Senor Bugs.

I like my little
mouse hole there.

It's got to be dry by now.

But then
who's going to live here?

- You could.
- Me?

I don't know.
It's not really my taste.

I guess I could make it work.

Get rid of some of this
Speedy Gonzalez influence.

- "Home sweet home."
- Ain't that the truth!

[whirring]

I got the shelf up!

[theme music]

[popping]

meep meep

[blows]

ting

[blows]

[creaking]

thud

ting ting

[whirring]

screech

meep meep

[dramatic music]

crash

meep meep

[wind blowing]

[whirring]

[buzzing]

[popping]

meep meep

(Porky)
'I t-thought
your house was destroyed.'

It was,
but I'm a Nobel Prize winner.

I know how to fix a house.

Okay. Fixed the house.

Let me know if you
need anything else.

[door opens and shuts]

Well, she fixed the house,
but I put up the shelf.

crash

[theme music]

I'll just wear it.