02x15 - Payroll, a Waterwall and Valley Forge

[bunniefuu]

Previously on B Positive...

Gina,

how long are we gonna do this?

Do what?

I love you.

Ah, the long pause after
I tell a woman I love her.

Reminds me of my marriage.

It's complicated. I just...

I need more time.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Hey. Are you mad at me?

Not at all.

- Can we talk later?
- Not sure.

I might need some more time.

Stings, don't it?

[SIGHS] Good morning!

- Hey, everybody!
- Hey! Morning!

All right, let's get started.

Gideon, any health updates?

We need to keep an eye on Mrs. Jenkins.

Her blood pressure's a little high.

But... she's from Mississippi,
so that could be

because a gay Black man touched her arm.

Make sure she's taking her meds

and maybe ease up on the show tunes?

I have something I'd like to say.

Uh, one second, Althea.

Bert, have you hired a new dishwasher?

Yeah, but I don't think
it's gonna work out.

He's not real smart.

How would you know?

How would I know what?

All right, moving on.

Can I please say something?

One more second. This
is super important.

Another prospective resident has
chosen Golden Horizons over us.

That is the third one this month.

How do we stop losing people to them?

We go on their Facebook page
and tell people they're sluts.

Gabby, we don't slut-shame
other retirement homes.

- Can I please speak now?
- Sure.

- I'm quitting.
- What?

Starting Monday,

I'm working at Golden Horizons.

Were you saying I'm not smart?

♪ It's okay to have just a little ♪

♪ And it's swell to have a lot ♪

♪ On the bottom or in the middle ♪

♪ In a rowboat or a yacht ♪

♪ Love is what we long for ♪

♪ To be acknowledged and to be seen ♪

♪ In the end, does it really matter ♪

♪ If you're a prince ♪

♪ A pauper or a queen? ♪

- ♪ The more you give ♪
- ♪ The more you give ♪

- ♪ The more you live ♪
- ♪ The more you live ♪

♪ Your happiness is relative ♪

♪ And if you're feeling like crap ♪

♪ It's time to face the fact ♪

♪ It's your prerogative ♪

♪ Your prerogative ♪

♪ To be positive ♪

[GROANING]

You okay?

My back.

It's been a while since I lifted...

weights.

I'm the weights.

Based on what I heard from my
room, it was a one-minute set.

I can't hear. What are they
talking about over there?

Bette and Spencer had sex.

Oh.

The chicken's good today.

We got a problem.

- What's up?
- You know how Mrs. Ludlum

made the staff schedule?

Maybe. Yeah.

I don't know.

Well, she did.

Okay, what's the problem?

With her gone, there's no schedule,

and no one came in to
work the night shift.

Well, what do we do?

We go home.

You should probably freak out.

Tell her the other thing.

There's more?

You know Mrs. Hampton?

That sweet quiet lady? Just turned ?

She's moving to Golden Horizons.

That bitch.

They sent two guys over
to get all her stuff.

One cute, one didn't like to be tickled.

So they're poaching our residents now?

- Looks like it.
- Oh, man.

- Anyway, have a good night!
- Bye!

You're really leaving me?!

♪ Up, up and away ♪

♪ My beautiful, my beau... ♪

WOMAN: Hello? How may I help you?

Oh. Yes, hi!

I'm calling from Valley Hills.

I'm hoping to speak to
someone who can help me

with the insurance claims
that we made on behalf

of our residents...

No! No, please don't
put me on hold again.

Please! I can't listen to that music!

[SIGHS]

♪ Tall and tan and young and lovely ♪

♪ The girl from Ipanema goes walking ♪

♪ And when she passes,
each one she passes goes ♪

Screw it.

[KNOCKING]

Hey. Got a minute?

[INHALES SHARPLY] How may I help you?

I need to, uh, submit these
gas receipts for reimbursement.

[CHUCKLES] Why you tellin' me?

Because Mrs. Ludlum would
normally cut me a check.

Do you see Mrs. Ludlum?

- I don't.
- Well, then I don't see

how you're gonna get your money.

Is someone having a bad day?

Bite me.

I'll take that as a yes.

I don't know how to do any of this!

And I sure as hell
don't know how to compete

with Golden Horizons.

What if we went over there, you know?

Checked 'em out? See
what we're up against.

Like spies?

Exactly.

We'll pose as a normal couple

just looking at retirement homes.

Yeah.

And we could have Norma come
along as my mom who I love,

just not enough to let her live with us.

We'll need new names and a cover story.

I'll be Doug,

a successful architect.

No, landscape architect.

With a drinking problem. Maybe pills.

I'll work on it.

And I could be your wife,

Stacey, who's only
occasionally unfaithful.

- Why?
- Oh, Doug,

you know why.

Wow. Swanky.

No wonder you're crappin' your nappies.

[SCOFFS]

I told you not to bring her.

And I told her not to come.

Yet here we are.

Look at this place.

We don't have a chance.

You really don't.

I hate to say it...

I wouldn't mind living here.

- Drew.
- Doug.

IRENE: Check out the pool.

Oh, and cabanas.

And cabana boys.

Those are cabana men.

Stacey cheats on you with him.

I get it.

He's like an Avenger.

Hi there! I'm Asher Singleton,

regional director of Golden Horizons.

And, uh, you must be the...

Obama family.

Yes, it's actually O-apostrophe.
We're Irish.

[IRISH ACCENT]: O'Bama. Ta-tee-ta-tee.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CLEARS THROAT] Hi, I'm Stacey.

Uh, this is my mother, Norma,

- my Aunt Irene.
- Hello.

They're looking to move into
an assisted living facility.

She has a titanium hip.

And she wears diapers.

Doug O'Bama, landscape architect.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

Uh, why don't we chat

a bit and then we can take the tour.

You might want to have someone
take a look at that ficus.

Among other amenities,

we also have
a four-lane bowling alley...

three restaurants...

and a holistic health spa

with a natural hot spring.

[MOANING]: Oh...

I guarantee you'll forget
you're even at a retirement home.

Because it's great, not
because of cognitive decline.

I'm in.

Why don't you go wait in the car?

Why don't you go wait in the car?

Ladies, ladies, please.

Oh, so sorry. Sisters.

Half sisters.

Oh, yes. Her father k*lled a man.

Uh, charming.

When are you looking to move in?

- Oh, we're still thinking about it.
- Yeah, don't ask

the old ball and chain
to make a decision.

She'll just say she needs more time.

Doug, like I said on our wedding night,

get off my back.

NORMA: All right, kids.

Settle down.

We're also looking into Valley Hills.

Valley Hills?

Don't you love your mommy?

Um, she doesn't love anyone.

I've actually heard a lot of
good things about that place.

Really?

What I've heard

is there is rampant drug
use amongst the staff

and the van driver is having
a full mental breakdown.

I've heard that, too.

Plus, I just hired away
their best person

to be our general manager.

She is a gem.

That's all well and good, uh,

but what we're looking for is
a place that treats its residents

with respect, kindness and compassion.

Once a year, we take all
the residents on a cruise

through the Caribbean.

How do you frickin' do that?

We're a huge corporation.

We have our own boat.

I'm gonna go wait in the car.

This cruise ship,

does it have slots?

[SIGHS]

- One more?
- Mm.

Nine more.

You're really good at your job.

You know what I'm good at?

Nothing.

[CHUCKLES]

I thought I was good,

because, you know,

look at me.

I'm adorable.

But...

recent evidence suggests
that... [SNIFFLES]

that is not adequate.

You actually have to
know stuff, and I...

I don't know stuff.

I don't...

I don't even know

what I don't even know.

- Have some nuts.
- See?

You're good at your job.

Oh, my.

Now I know how Rose felt when
she went below deck in Titanic.

Uh, no spoilers.

I haven't seen it yet.

Come on.

Hey.

Oh, hey.

Mm, it's time for you to go home.

Ooh, but I just got my nuts.

Those are the best.

When you wake up the next day,

they're still in your teeth,
and you can eat them again.

Yeah, come on, Gina, this
isn't accomplishing anything.

Don't you get it, Drew? I failed.

I completely failed.

I can't run Valley Hills
without Mrs. Ludlum,

and I sure as hell can't
compete with a place

that has a damn boat.

Okay, so you failed a few times.

Success only has meaning

if you've also failed.

Believe me, I should know.

When did you succeed?

Hey, I'm on your side.

Can I tell you a little story?

Uh, Bert, now's not the time.

When I was in culinary school,

I thought I was the worst one in class.

No matter what I cooked,
everything turned to diarrhea.

Not literally, but was the cause of.

Where are you going with this?

Let's see.

I worked my ass off, I never gave up

and when I graduated, I got
recruited to be the head chef

at the Connecticut
State Prison For Women.

Which is also where I met my wife.

I don't even know what to say to that.

No one ever does.

Gina, do you know the saying,

it's not how many times
you get knocked down,

it's how many times you get up?

I do.

It's time for you to get up.

I don't want to. Get up, Gina.

No. I just want to stay
here with my salty nuts.

Get up.

Get up.

Okay. Okay, I will.

[EXHALES, BLOWS RASPBERRY]

It's time to get up.

- Oh, God.
- It's okay!

I'm okay.

No, I'm not.

It'd be great if you could get
those insurance reimbursements

in the mail today.

Payroll's all squared away,

the bills are taken care of.

What's so funny?

You guys know how to do stuff.

- Why wouldn't we?
- You're old.

I finished the staff
schedule for the next week.

I happen to excel at Excel.

Yeah, say it a tenth
time, then it'll be funny.

How's it coming with the, uh,

Yelp reviews?

I think I got a winner here.

"My grandmother checked
in to Golden Horizons

"a vibrant, fun-loving
-year-old woman.

She's no longer vibrant and
fun-loving 'cause she's dead."

I prefer mine.

"Like the winds of
Aeolus in Homer's Odyssey,

Golden Horizons blows."

BETTE: Mine's simpler.

"The rooms are small
and the people are ugly."

[BRITISH ACCENT]:
Hello, is this Mr. Asher Singleton?

Hello, Asher, this is
Cynthia Wallaby Smugbottom.

How have you been?

What do you mean you don't know me?

I'm going to have your
baby, you scoundrel!

IRENE [BRITISH ACCENT]: Watch your step,

Cynthia, I think your water broke.

Oh, God, no.

What's happening?

Well, uh...

sometimes when you have trouble
getting up, people help you.

I don't understand.

We're getting all the paperwork done

Mrs. Ludlum took care of.

Really?

It was his idea.

Well, everyone pitched in.

But yes, it was mainly me.

Thank you.

How you feeling?

Ugh, not so great, I...

Hold on. [TONGUE CLICKING]

Nuts.

Ew.

Nothing like a cold beer
after a job well done.

Mm-hmm. I'll stick to my hard seltzer.

- Yeah.
- Beer gives me the toots.

[CHUCKLES]

And is the job done?

Seems like Gina's gonna need our help

until she can replace Mrs. Ludlum.

We're here for her.
You need to hit the road.

Well, eventually.

Okay... l-let me guess,
you're sticking around

to "help Gina," right, hoping
she'll come to her senses.

Mm.

The Jedi master sees
through his young Padawan.

Shut up with that nonsense.

Seriously. You really think
there's a future for you two?

Well, I did tell her I love her.

So what?

I once saw Ava Gardner
in a train station,

I yelled out "I love you, Ava!"

Frank Sinatra's g*ons
chased me for blocks.

What's your point?

Well, I had more of a sh*t than you do.

I just wish she'd give me a chance.

Well, my old man used to say,

"Wish in one hand, crap in the other,

see which one fills first."

Hmm. That is an unpleasant image.

So is you sitting in a retirement home

waiting for the princess
to come kiss the frog.

So basically, I'm a frog
with a fistful of poop?

Now you're getting it.

LUDLUM: Gina?

Some ginger kid unplugged it.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I missed you, I just
wanted to check in.

Over here.

So, um, how you liking your new job?

It's fine. I've got a big office

with a view of the putting green.

Hmm. Putting green. How about that?

I got to admit,

I had no idea how much
you did at Valley Hills.

You thought I worked hours a week

'cause I liked the constant
smell of old people?

I don't smell it anymore.

It's like when you live next to a farm.

I'm sorry I didn't appreciate
you like I should've.

You and me both.

I want you back.

- Gina...
- Hear me out.

I cannot do this without you.

So let me make you general manager.

I'm already general manager here.

Plus ten percent
ownership of Valley Hills.

Are you serious?

You are the glue that
holds that place together.

Now if we succeed, you succeed.

I don't know what to say.

Say yes.

I admit, this place doesn't
have the soul of Valley Hills.

I knew we had something they didn't.

Yesterday we had to kick somebody out

'cause they lost their insurance.

- You would never do that.
- No.

I wouldn't.

I also wouldn't know how.

Well, I appreciate the offer.

I just need some time to think.

I get it.

Boy, do I get it.

Thanks for talking with me.

- Gina.
- Yeah?

Do you still think it was
the right thing for you

to buy Valley Hills?

I do.

- Althea, do you have a moment?
- Oh.

Mrs. O'Bama, how
lovely to see you again.

"Mrs. O'Bama"?

Mm, got to go.

[SHOUTS, GRUNTS]

Why did I do that?

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey, good news. Uh...

Mrs. Ludlum's coming back.

Oh, that is good news.

I just, I wanted to thank you
again for everything you did.

Well, you gave me a kidney
and I scraped you off

of a barroom floor, I'd say we're even.

Yeah. I'm...

I'm really lucky to have you.

No, I'm the lucky one.

So I have decided on my next adventure.

Oh. Valley Forge again?

I am intrigued by the
historical reenactments.

I was actually thinking Alaska.

Wow. Really?

I've always wanted to go.

Maybe I can work on a
crab boat for the summer

like in Deadliest Catch.

I have a nice set of rain boots.

That's a long time to be gone.

I figured it would be good
for me to get away for a while.

Are you sure about that?

I'm sure.

It just

feels like it's time for me to move on.