03x08 - Panic! At The Putt-Putt

[bunniefuu]

[Alexa] It had been a week
since Katie told me about NYU,

but she still didn't know
if she'd actually been accepted.

We had decided
to enjoy the end of high school

and not think about it.

-[cell phone beeps]
-[both gasp]

-Was that my e-mail?
-Is it NYU?

It was mine.

[laughs]

Aw, Kyle sent me a picture of his tongue.

Oh, he is really allergic to mustard.

-Holy...
-Is his mother home? God.

And in a couple of months,
they'll leave us.

[sighs] Stupid circle of life. [sniffles]

I'm good.

You're good?

Alexa is graduating on the same day
that Lucas is moving out.

Before you know it, it'll be you, Dave,
and the smoker.

Who do you think's winning that battle?

You know, when Lucas left the first time,
I was a complete mess.

[sighs] I can't imagine
what it's gonna be like when Alexa leaves.

You know,
after everything we've been through.

[phone camera clicks]

I'm gonna stay strong until Alexa leaves,

and then I'll have a big,
sloppy breakdown.

Honey, you cannot schedule your emotions.

Oh, I can.

Yeah, I totally stayed Zen
when Dr. Breitwieser called

and left a message for Alexa,
who still hasn't called him back!

[sighs] My mom's been so weird.

My dad's also been weird,
but, like, a weirder weird.

They're definitely gonna embarrass me
at graduation.

Mm.

-Why did Dr. Breitwieser call you?
-Who knows?

You would... if you call him back.

I'm sure it's nothing...

and I haven't had to see him
in over a year anyway, so...

Awww.

Look at you,

graduating high school.

Alexa, never forget...

you can make a compass with a needle,
a leaf, and a little bit of water.

We gotta get going.

-Yep. Definitely gonna embarrass me.
-Yeah.

All right.

Oh, wait. Wait, wait, before we go...

today is about us,

but tomorrow,

Alexa and I wanna do something
to thank all of you.

We're planning a backyard movie night.

-There'll be food.
-Twinkle lights.

And a movie. In the backyard. [chuckles]

I guess that's obvious.

You know, I'll have Brian drop off
the popcorn machine.

Mmm.

I can't make it.
My roommates and I are throwing

this insane move-in party.

I mean, uh...

we're going to talk about books.

Just don't pick a baby movie.

I'm 11.

I have a hair on my arm.

-Let's go!
-Wait. My sunglasses are in the backyard.

-Oh, sunscreen.
-One more selfie.

[scoffs] Last selfie. Yeah, right.

Hm.

[door shuts]

Oh. Wow.

Feels like just yesterday
we were starting high school.

Mm. [chuckles]

Yeah, I couldn't've gotten through it
without you.

[cell phone alert beep]

Oh, it's me.

-[cell phone alert beep]
-Oh, and me.

It's from UNC.

-Our dorm assignment.
-Wait,

we're sharing a room!

There'll be no tree between us!

[both scream and laugh]

That's great.

Now you just have to hear from NYU.

No, I... I don't.

Look, I have been making us crazy
waiting for NYU,

when I already know how happy I'd be
with you

at UNC.

I am going to UNC.

Really?

Really.

-Really?
-Yes, really!

[both scream and laugh]

Let's go!

I wanna sit close enough
to see you get your diploma

but far enough so I don't embarrass you.

-Oh, yeah.
-Let's go. Come on.

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it
You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

Hey, after all the UNC games I've watched
on TV,

I'm gonna be able to walk to the Dean Dome
from my dorm.

Ah. You know, honey, I am so happy to know
that when you go to school,

you'll be exactly where you wanna be.

Nope. [clears throat] I'm a fortress
of emotions locked inside a vault

that won't open until the day you leave.

That'll be a rough day for Dad.

Ooh, Katie and I will get to paint
our faces for games.

Hey, honey, I'm a little worried

that this might not be exactly
what Katie wants.

Fine, she can wear a foam finger.

I mean, how does she know for sure
about UNC

when there's still a chance at NYU?

You know, I had a best friend
in high school, and we were really close,

and then we went to different colleges.

What happened?

I married him.

Oh, great.
Using parents' love against me. [chuckles]

Well, you heard Katie.

I said, "Really?" And she said, "Really!"

And I said, "Really?"
And she said, "Yes, really!"

[door opens]

Just got Lucas all moved in.

Nice roommates.

They taught me how to floss.

Speaking of floss,

if you're ever injured,

you can use dental floss
to stitch a wound.

Good to know.

Let me see, baby.

-Nice.
-[groans]

-[rattling window]
-What's going on there?

[groans] It's jammed.

Jack saw a raccoon
and slammed all the windows.

[sighs]

We should really figure out
why he's so afraid of raccoons.

Then again, it does keep him inside.

I wanted to talk to you about NYU.

You still might get in.

It doesn't matter.

I'm not going.

I mean, New York? Acting?

That's crazy.

Remember when, uh...

you were finally old enough
to go down that big waterslide?

Oh, yeah, I was so excited.

But half of me was hoping

that someone would drop a taco
in the pool,

so they'd close
and I could walk back down.

[Katie chuckles]

Then you pushed me.

I nudged you,

and I'm glad I did.

Yeah, it was pretty fun.

If you don't go down the waterslide,

you never get to go down the waterslide.

Um...

-It's...
-Jammed.

-I can't open it.
-Open it.

-Okay.
-I'll...

Uh, I'll...

Oh!

-Hi. [exhales deeply]
-Whoa!

-Hey.
-Oh.

-Life is better with Alexa.
-Oh, your mom's doing that too?

[chuckles]

Are you crazy?

Raccoons climb trees.

Trees go to windows.

Windows go to me.

I hate raccoon season.

Of course we're going to school together.

My mom doesn't get it.

And neither does mine.

Okay, this only works

because of this.

Yeah, but if they're gonna keep talking
about it,

maybe we should prove
how bad things will be without...

this.

You're right.

How about, for a whole day,
we're not friends? Okay?

No being there for each other.

-Physically or emotionally.
-Can't get or give advice.

-No general friendshippery.
-Which will be a total disaster.

Oh, I love it/hate it.

Okay, we'll start in ten seconds,

after I tell you:

"Call Dr. Breitwieser back."
I care about you.

Go get gummy worms. I ate all of yours.

Mmm. Oh.

Seven seconds.

Wait, movie night's tomorrow.
We were gonna thank everyone.

Okay, we'll just have to throw it together
separately,

which will be a total fail--

a combination
thank-you/I-told-you-so night.

This is why we're such a great team.

-Time's up.
-So it is.

I can't open that without you,
so I will be using the door.

I have no opinion or advice for you
on that.

This already feels wrong.

Indeed.

Aw, that's cute.

You're cute.

I miss when you hated each other.

Okay, I know you've been
a lazy putt master

and a lazy barista,

but have you ever considered being
a lazy art school student?

[chuckles]

I'm not really a school guy.

Yeah, but what if you--

Yay, Alexa's here.

[clears throat]

Hello, local barista.

Hello, customer I cannot help.

That's my cue. Two coffees, please.

[clicks teeth]

All right,

now I get the art school question.

Because of the whole
not-helping-Alexa thing,

you're all backed up with advice.

[chuckles]

And I guess it also explains
why you wanna coordinate outfits

-and why you keep trying to finish my--
-Sentences! I got that one.

Here you are, Spencer.

Look, I'm not playing along, all right?

Just looking busy until my break. Okay.

Do you understand what they're doing?

When Katie explained it to me,
I thought it sounded a little, uh,

well, nut-buckets.

I think it's a really solid plan.

It's not nut-buckets.

We're just seeing
what life's like not together.

-Together?
-Yeah, to prove what we already know.

It'll be a debacle of epic proportions.

Well, I can't wait for movie night.

I know. It's gonna be terrible.

I think it's a really solid plan.

Katie. I got your two-month notice
this morning.

Quick question.

Did two months pass?
'Cause I don't see you working.

Ugh.

So, leaving in two months, huh?

Guess that's kind of my notice, too.

[scoffs] No, not the "staying together
or not staying together" talk.

And on the day that I can't help her.

Well, I'm glad
our "staying together" talk worked out.

Oh, the first one or the second one,
when you destroyed a cake?

Either one.

They both ended with us staying together.

Hold that thought. I gotta hear this.

Oh! No, they moved.

[sighs] And I can't help her.

You know, when you first came in here,
with your...

smug smile and attitude
and so-so work ethic...

Okay, I think I get the idea.

It's just...

you helped me see that...

rules and notebooks and structure...

aren't as important
as just not taking things too seriously.

Hm, like a relationship

that started just a few months
before you head to college.

[sighs]

Why'd you have to learn so much from me?

[chuckles]

Well, at least we have the rest

-of the summer-- [chuckles]
-Summer. I got another one.

See? She's smiling.
I think that went okay,

and you didn't even have to help.

Yeah, I guess.

Although, they got together because of me,

so I'm basically the reason
that went okay.

-I'm that good.
-Yeah.

Well, glad we figured that out.

And without any help from Alexa.

Yeah, I guess.

No. No.

-Total fluke. Okay, I'm telling you...
-Okay.

...when Alexa and I aren't together,
everything I touch

turns into a steaming pile of garbage.

[chuckles] Hi, what can I get you?

[scoffs] Great. We both brought salsa.

This is what happens
when we're not doing stuff together:

-salsa overload.
-Yeah.

There's plenty of chips inside.

-I'm gonna go sit down.
-[Alexa] Mmm.

And my brownies are a nightmare.
I mean, I didn't have you to remind me

to put in the walnuts.

-[scoffs]
-Walnut underload.

[sighs]

Just the beginning of a horrendous night.

-No one's going to have fun.
-Yeah.

Love the brownies, Katie.

Joe loves everything. [mumbles]

Thank you both for putting together
such a nice night.

Okay night.

-Terrible night.
-[Alexa] Mm.

Oh, one more thing. Uh--

If you ever only have one match,
you can split that match in two.

Then you have two matches.

Thank you.

-This popcorn is so good.
-Mm.

Almost as good as a proper invite

and not just a,

"Hey, can we borrow
your popcorn machine?"

Oh, Brian, I thought
the invitation was implied. You know,

of course I'd want my business partner

to come to my daughter's
"thank you, family" movie night.

Did you know I'm old enough
for a scary movie now?

[chuckles] Uh, what do you mean, "scary"?

I thought it'd be more family friendly.

Like when you can hear
what a dog is thinking.

I love those movies.

Oh, me too.

Turns out, dogs like to be
in a convertible with Dennis Quaid

just as much as I do.

[chuckles]

I love Dennis Quaid.

All right, so tonight's movie

is the chilling horror film,

The Terror.

[forced chuckle] Okay.
You weren't kidding, it-- it is scary.

So, uh, enjoy movie night...

if you can.

[in sing-song]
♪ 'Cause it's gonna be a train wreck ♪

[all cheer]

[all groan]

Train wreck!

You know, Katie and I normally put up
the screen together.

You know, total fail, guys.
I'm so sorry. Movie night is over, and--

[cheering]

Aw, I'm so glad this is not...

[spooky music plays]

...a little-kid movie.

Oh, this is awesome.

Ah, sorry. You know, the movie's...

a little scarier than I thought.

Just another example of
how bad movie night's...

-Shh!
-...going, you guys.

Hey, there are ants on the brownies!

Okay. Now we need new treats.

-This night is a to--
-Shh!

Yeah.

Hey, uh, I'll help. [chuckles]

Uh, 'cause I want to help,
not because I'm scared.

So, all it takes is a scary movie
for you to do some work?

But don't tell Katie.

Well, I'm just glad
you guys finally got un-stupid enough

to admit you like each other.

Yeah, when Katie almost had
that panic att*ck, things really changed.

Just wish I had gotten un-stupid faster,
you know?

Wait, Katie had another panic att*ck?

Yeah, a few months ago.
I thought you knew.

Um... was she scared?

Yeah, but...

Katie's pretty tough.

Yeah, she is.

Oh, the ants are everywhere.

Tonight's turning into a huge mess.

Um, Aiden told me that you almost had
another panic att*ck.

Wait, I don't think that's something
two non-friends talk about.

Spencer, I found out Katie almost had
a panic att*ck a few months ago.

I feel bad that I wasn't there for her.

Oh, curveball.

-Uh, Aiden--
-Not doing this.

Yes, you are. Aiden...

I never told Alexa,

because how do you tell someone
who battled cancer

that you were taken down
by everyday life?

How could Katie even think that?

Because no matter how long
Alexa's been past it,

it never goes away.

I mean, no wonder
she hasn't returned the doctor's call yet.

-It's still scary.
-Uh, she called him.

-She did?
-She did.

All right.
I don't know when I should talk.

Yeah, I just wouldn't.

Turns out Dr. Breitwieser found out
I was graduating.

He was just congratulating me,

but...

you're right. [exhales deeply]

It's still... scary.

But you did it.

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, I'm...

I'm proud of you too.

[spraying sound]

[people screaming]

[screaming and laughter]

The sprinklers came on.

I love sprinklers.

I forgot to turn the timer off.

And I wanted to remind you but couldn't.

-Total cluster-jam.
-[chuckles]

Ah, movie night
was an absolute dumpster fire.

Not for me.

That movie was so scary,
I'm okay with raccoons now.

We heard the sprinklers and came in.

-And nobody even got wet.
-Yeah.

[clears throat]

Except that guy.

My name is Brian...

and I don't run.

Good night.

Got all the ants. [chuckles]

-Speaking of ants...
-Hit me.

Putting ChapStick on an ant bite
will stop the itching.

Mm.

-Oh, and if you ever get a flat tire--
-Dad...

what's all this about?

Well, you're leaving for college
in a couple months.

I want you to be safe.

From ants?

I mean, come on, Dad.

It'll probably sound silly, but, uh...

being a dad comes
with this built-in feeling

that you have to...

protect your kids.

Yeah, and you have.

Not always.

[voice wavering] Not when you were 14.

Dad.

I heard a doctor say...

you had cancer,

and I couldn't protect you.

[sniffles]

I never knew that you felt that way.

You know, when I was so scared,

you were so strong.

And that was all that I needed
from my dad.

Come here.

I was crazy to worry about you.

You can handle anything.

[whispering] Thank you.

Oh, and by the way, I, uh...

I do know what to do if I...

ever get a flat tire.

[chuckles] What's that?

Call my dad.

[rattling sound]

[rattling]

I still can't help you.

Ah, hi.

Oh, man.

So...

nothing about us being apart felt right.

Absolutely...

nothing felt right.

Checking your e-mails?

Yeah.

Um...

Got something from NYU.

-Open it.
-[nervous chuckle]

Yeah, okay.

[chuckles quietly]

You got in.

Then you gotta go.

We won't be together.

I know.

And that's okay...

[sniffs]

...because this feels right.

[both chuckle]

Hi.

So, I am...

officially a former Wired employee.

[chuckles] And I know I'm not supposed
to take my apron home,

but I wanted to wash it.

You wanted the dramatic moment
where you give it back to me.

Yes.

And, um... to say goodbye in person.

Well, good luck.

[clears throat]

If I'm gonna have feelings, I'm leaving.

Ah, great. Now I have to close tonight.

Oh. You gonna make it here without me?

You kidding? I just got bumped up
to assistant manager.

I need the money
for when I go to art school.

Yeah. Yeah, I learned
from some annoying girl,

if you work hard, good things can happen.

Blah, blah, blah.

Aww. I'm your annoying
"blah, blah, blah" girl.

So, um...

New York tomorrow.

You're gonna do great.

And if you ever get stressed out,

just call me, okay?

Mm.

-I'm gonna miss you.
-Yeah, me too.

Can I get a latte to go?

[both] We're closed, Sue!

-Come on, please.
-[groans]

Ah, almost packed up.

Day ahead of schedule. [chuckles]

You were slowing me down. Sorry.

Did you at least get emotional
when you wrote "Alexa's dorm" on that box?

I did not. This close to the finish line,

nothing's gonna break me.

Oh, good. You didn't tape up this box yet.

Oh, no, no, no, sorry.

I've got a system.
That's for important stuff.

Was... Was that your medical binder?

Yeah.

You're, um...

you're gonna take it with you?

Yeah, you know, just in case
I have to go see a campus doctor,

I have all my cancer history with me.

Mm, Mom, don't cry.

I'm gonna be okay.

[exhales deeply]

[voice wavering] I know.

That's why I'm crying.

I'm so proud of you.

You've come so far.

I couldn't have done it without you.

I love you.

-I love you too.
-[door opens]

[groans] I got kicked out of my apartment.

I thought
our sink was a garbage disposal,

but it was just a sink.

So, I tried to take the meatloaf
out of the drain.

[groans]
Water everywhere. But, long story short,

I live here now,
and I owe my ex-landlord a new sink.

Come here. I finally cracked.

Some of these tears are for you.

She finally cracked.

I did, big-time.

[chuckling]

Why are Lucas's suitcases here?

Oh, so I thought
our sink was a garbage disposal--

Yeah, not now, son.

You made me a coffee table.

The only custom-made thing I own
are my orthotics.

[chuckles]

I know these boxes were pretty nice.

[chuckles]

But you deserve the best.

Well, good thing I already have it.
[chuckles]

[sighs]

[gasps] Whoa!

New coffee table!

Joe made it for us.

Ooh, the only custom-made thing
I have is my retainer. [chuckles]

-I made the same joke about my orthotics.
-Oh!

-Mm.
-Aw. Ready?

Oh.

Yeah. This baby really holds your feet.

My man knows how to coffee table.

[both chuckle]

Ah.

I cannot believe
tomorrow you're gonna be in New York.

Thank you...

for pushing me down the waterslide.

I'm so proud of you.

-Aw.
-[approaching footsteps]

Whoa.

There's a coffee table
where the boxes used to be.

[Katie and Jennifer laugh]

Yeah, Joe made it.

Well, the only custom-made thing
I have is Lori and Dave's gazebo.

-Retainer.
-Orthotics.

[Katie and Jennifer sigh]

I'm gonna miss you sweet, sweet weirdos.

[exhaling deeply]

[clears throat]

[exhales deeply]

-Ready?
-Yeah.

-You?
-No.

Me neither.

[sighs]

First-day-of-school outfit?

-The blue thing.
-With the sparkly things and the stuff?

-I just wanted to say--
-You don't have to.

-Let's review our plan.
-Mm.

Uh, text every morning and every night.

FaceTime Fridays, before the weekend.

And Sundays to talk about our weekend.

And remember: if there's an emergency,
siren emoji.

Followed up with an old-school call.
[chuckles]

Hm.

-I just want to say--
-[voice wavering] You don't have to.

You know my sweater you like so much?

[sniffles] Mm-hm.

Yeah, the one that you're, uh,
kind of stingy about letting me borrow?

Mm-hm.

I kind of snuck it in your suitcase.

[chuckles] Well, we are ridiculous.

-Why?
-You'll see when you open your suitcase.

Just text me the second you get to UNC.

[sniffles]

I'm gonna text you
as soon as I leave the driveway.

[chuckles]

[both] I just wanna say I love you.

[sniffling]

Oh.

I almost forgot. Um...

I made us a playlist.

You know, this way,
if we ever can't get in touch,

we can hit play
and be right there in each other's ears.

Mm. What's on it?

You'll see.

["Count on Me" playing"]

[vocalizing]

♪ If you ever find yourself ♪

♪ Stuck in the middle of the sea ♪

♪ I'll sail the world ♪

♪ To find you ♪

♪ If you ever find yourself
Lost in the dark ♪

♪ And you can't see ♪

♪ I'll be the light ♪

♪ To guide you ♪

♪ Find out what we're made of ♪

♪ When we are called
To help our friends in need ♪

♪ You can count on me ♪

♪ Like one, two, three ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ And I know when I need it ♪

♪ I can count on you ♪

♪ Like four, three, two ♪

-♪ And you'll be there ♪
-[no audio]

♪ 'Cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ If you're tossin' and you're turnin'
And you just can't fall asleep ♪

♪ I'll sing a song ♪

♪ Beside you ♪

♪ And if you ever forget
How much you really mean to me ♪

♪ Every day I will ♪

♪ Remind you ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Find out what we're made of ♪

♪ When we are called
To help our friends in need ♪

♪ You can count on me ♪

♪ Like one two three ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ And I know when I need it ♪

♪ I can count on you ♪

♪ Like four three two ♪

♪ And you'll be there ♪

♪ 'Cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ You'll always have my shoulder ♪

♪ When you cry ♪

♪ I'll never let go ♪

♪ Never say goodbye ♪

♪ You know you can count on you ♪

♪ Like four three two ♪

♪ And you'll be there ♪

♪ 'Cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ You can count on me
'Cause I can count on you ♪

They should be here by now.

-Why did we let Spencer pick her up?
-How well do we know that kid?

-Yeah.
-Oh! There they are!

-Yay!
-Hey! Welcome home!

-Hey!
-Hey!

Ah!

-What's up?
-Hi!

It's so good to be home.

Yeah, it's so good to see you.

Wait.

Hey, everyone.

-Hey!
-Welcome home!

-Come on, Spence.
-Come on.

-Look who's back.
-[Jack gasps]

Katie!

-Hi.
-Aww.

I love Thanksgiving break.

Aww.

Oh, it's so good to be back.

[chuckles]

Go.

I missed everyone.

-There she is!
-Hi!

-You're wearing my--
-And you're wearing--

-I'm wearing your--
-I'm wearing your--

-Yes!
-Yes!

How are you?

Oh, real-life Alexa is so much better
than FaceTime Alexa.

-I agree.
-Come here.

Mmm.

-Oh, I missed you. Ooh!
-I missed you too.

Okay, so where did we leave off?

I was telling you
about my crazy professor.

Ah, yes, the one who brings
his emotional-support ferret to class.

Yes. So, he left for a movie role.

-Our new professor has a tattoo...
-[Alexa] When I got cancer,

my nurse told me writing down
what I'm grateful for

would help me stay positive.

Four years later,

I'm grateful for more things
than I could have ever imagined.

But mostly for the person
who was by my side for all of it.

Some people are lucky enough
to have a best friend.

I'm even luckier.

I got a Katie.

♪ You can count on me
'Cause I can count on you ♪

[theme music plays]

[vocalizing]

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪