04x06 - The Smoke Show

[bunniefuu]

[ALEXA] After filling out
college applications

and waiting for months,

Katie and I were about to find out
if we got into our top choice:

University of North Carolina.

[EXHALES] One, two, three,
and then we check.

Okay.

One...

Two...

So, Spencer finally gave you
his hoodie. That's awesome.

Yeah, he's just letting me
borrow it. He loves this thing.

Oh, yeah.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.

One...

The entire flight crew wouldn't
stop talking about it.

This brisket was the
most delicious thing

I've ever tasted.

He smoked it for hours.

That's what makes it so soft, like...

butter.

Like...

meat butter.

Do you realize you haven't
said hello to me yet?

Hello. He made his own spice blend

and then he sprayed it with
this apple-juice-type ci...

[ALEXA AND KATIE SCREAM AND LAUGH]

We heard screaming.

What happened?

[BOTH] We got into UNC!

[CHEERING]

Honey!

Aww!

- I'm so proud of you.
- I knew you would.

Congratulations!

[CHUCKLING]

[SIGHING]

Wow.

You know, it's really nice up here.

We should come out here more often.

Well, you know, more
than two people out here

is probably unsafe.

This old tree? [SCOFFS] It could hold...

- Everybody off!
- Yep.

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it ♪
♪ You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

The only thing more fun
than looking at our dorm

is shopping for our dorm.

[GIGGLES] Okay, the secret is
everything has to be small.

So, mini-fridge, mini-bookshelf,
mini-vacuum cleaner...

Oh, wow.

All these mini things have

- full-size prices.
- Yeah.

Aw, you guys are so lucky

to be going to college
with your best friend.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
You know, when I started,

I had to make friends by
pretending to like Hacky Sack.

It was rough.

Ooh, we're planning out
our dorm room right now.

I'm thinking shabby chic.

And I am leaning more shabby.

Did you tell Spencer we're
celebrating over dinner tomorrow?

Not yet. Katie and I got UNC shirts,

and I can't go like this...

bam... over text,

so tomorrow when I
see him, I'll bam then.

Oh, he's gonna be so happy for you.

Ooh, I know.

He's been so supportive about me
applying to colleges away from home.

That's how it should be.

Everyone at school's been
breaking up like crazy

since they found out
where they got into college.

Mm. Spencer said he just
wants me to be happy.

[CHUCKLES]

[INHALES DEEPLY] Everyone's breaking up?

I mean, you know, not... not everyone.

- Well, yeah, of course.
- No.

I bought a smoker!

[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]

Surprise!

I'm making brisket for Alexa and
Katie's dinner tomorrow night.

Is this gonna get complicated?

Nah, I just have to set up the smoker,

develop my own proprietary
blend of spices,

prep the brisket in my own
proprietary blend of spices,

maintain a fire at a temperature
known as the "smoke zone,"

and, uh, monitor it
for hours nonstop.

Sixteen hours?

[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY] Nonstop!

You don't sleep when you're
smoking brisket. [CHUCKLES]

This is for you, Alexa!

I did not ask for this.

That's what makes it so special.

Well, honey, if you're into
it, so am I. [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah.
- You saved the receipt, right?

[IN STRAINED VOICE] Final sale!

[CHUCKLES AND GROANS]

Ooh, wow.

You really lost your phone this time.

Nope. I'm selling stuff like crazy
to make money on the Good Buy app.

Oh, no! Is the car making that...

[MAKES GRINDING NOISE]

... noise again?

Not when I turn up the radio.

This is for college.

Until you leave,
I'm gonna find as many ways

- as I can to help you pay for things.
- Ohh.

But you already helped
with that savings account.

Well, I wanna do more.

And there is a lot of stuff around
this house that we don't need.

I looked in the car. I've got
so much junk in my trunk.

- I heard it. Let's move on.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, wow, this is amazing.

We're going to make money
selling old oven mitts?

Already did.

You just post words like
"vintage" and "distressed,"

and some sucker buys it and picks it up.

Then I can post stuff too.

I mean, everything I have
is vintage and distressed.

Okay, Mom. I gathered all the
stuff I don't want anymore.

Oh, great. You can just
put it there by the, um...

Okay, what's that attitude about?

[SHOUTING] What attitude?

Please don't tell me
you're in pre-prepuberty.

What... What does that mean?

It means I'm gonna be dealing

with a surly, young tween
who responds irrationally

- without warning...
- You're a swirly young tween!

[STOMPS FEET]

I like that he called me young.

Here is your distressed vintage Slinky.

Thank you for using Good Buy. Goodbye.

[SIGHS] Are you here for coffee

or "coffee"?

Earmuffs.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES] Uh...

Are your ears cold?

Man, I have cold ears.

I wish Aiden were working.
He never talks about his ears.

Oh, hey, Alexa's not here yet.

- Yeah, it's okay. I gotta use the...
- Are these wool?

- Because I'm allergic to wool...
- No refunds, Sue!

Bye-bye.

Slow your roll, junior.

Bathroom's being fixed.

Seriously? I just drank
an entire Mega Gulp.

Ooh, I mega don't care.

I have customers waiting
who bought the drinks here.

[MUMBLING QUIETLY]

Hey.

Hey.

So, I have big news.

Let me guess. You're gonna
give me my hoodie back.

Bam! I got into UNC!

Really? Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Be right back.

Wait.

[CHUCKLES]

- UNC. Aw, I knew you could do it.
- [CHUCKLES] Thanks.

- I can't believe it's really happening.
- Hold that thought.

Hey, whoa! Hey!

Okay.

Oh, what's wrong?

Well, I told Spencer about UNC,

and he just jumped up and walked off.

That is odd.

Thanks.

Hey, what if he didn't know
how much it would bother him?

- That doesn't mean anything.
- It doesn't mean anything, no.

But what if it means, "In five
months, my girlfriend is gonna be

in a different state, and the only
time I'll see her is on holidays,

so what's the point of
even being a couple?"

I have an idea.

Ask him what he's doing
for Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving?

That's the first time we'll
be home from college.

So, when you ask him
what he's doing, he'll say,

"Spending every minute with you,"

and you'll know you'll
still be together.

Okay, yeah, we will.

Very clever. Very clever.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I haven't asked a direct
question in years, so... [CHUCKLES]

Oh, here he comes.

- Sorry, I just had...
- What're you doing for Thanksgiving?

Uh, eating turkey.

With... ?

Gravy?

[KATIE CHUCKLES]

Excuse me. Hi, I need Alexa

to see if this milk is fresh.

Yeah, she's got a great nose.

[FORCED CHUCKLE]

Okay. I have another idea.

- Keep talking.
- Okay.

Remember the frozen yogurt
place that closed down?

- Yo Mama? We loved that place.
- I know.

But they just opened a
new one in Winchester.

- That's minutes away.
- Yeah.

But what's a little distance
when you love Yo Mama?

So, if you're done sniffing milk...

Oh, let's go get frozen yogurt.

- Okay.
- Yeah, they opened up another Yo Mama.

Wait, seriously? Nobody has more
toppings than Yo Mama. Let's go.

It's in Winchester.

Oh, well, that... that...
that's a little far for Froyo.

Really?

Hm. But you love Yo Mama.

What's a little far?

Like, minutes?

Fine.

I will go by myself because
minutes might be far for you

but not for me,

especially when I love something,

and I love Yo Mama.

[DOOR SLAMS]

I didn't know she loved it that much.

[SIGHS]

Of course she does, you...

[YAWNS]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

After, uh, standing by
the smoker all night,

I finally lifted the lid

to do a, uh, touch test.

Get this, none of the spices

came off on my fingers.

That's nice, honey.

Gotta get back out there.
Just, uh... [INHALES DEEPLY]

... came in to grab breakfast.

You ate breakfast.

I ate breakfast?

Hours ago.

At breakfast time.

And then you yelled, "My brisket!"

- and ran out.
- My brisket!

That's the third time.

Gonna lock that door.

Still in the smoke zone. [CHUCKLES]

I can do this for another nine hours.

[YAWNS]

- Hey, Mr. Mendoza.
- [GASPS]

Hey!

Spencer.

Oh, just, uh, making sure my
brisket's still in the zoke smone.

Zoke smone? Am I saying that right?

"Zoke smone." Yeah.

Cool. Is... Is Alexa around?

Oh, uh, not right...

- [TIMER BEEPS]
- Ooh!

Spritzing time!

[CHUCKLES]

You are a lucky guy.

You can only lift the lid so many times.

Gotta keep the smoky flavor inside.

[SPRITZING]

Hey, you might wanna take a step back.

I think I, uh, know a thing or
two about the, uh, smoke zone.

Am I saying that right?

- Oh! Did I get ya?
- A little.

And you're still doing it.

But it is worth it.

It'll be as soft as butter.
You'll see at dinner.

What dinner?

Uh, to celebrate UNC.

Oh.

I didn't even know there was a dinner.

I knew something was wrong.

Alexa's been acting really weird
since she told me she got in.

Do you think she wants to break up?

Yeah.

Uh, who are we talking about?

I don't wanna break up.

Nobody does.

You know what?

[YAWNS]

I just need to let her know
how much she means to me.

Exactly.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

I'll just give her this hoodie.
I mean, she loves it.

That thing? It's a mess.
Oh, did I get ya?

Again.

Yeah, I'd better go wash this first.

[LOUD RIP]

[DAVE] Ooh, can't wash that.

But I can get a new one.

I'm gonna get some breakfast.

Hey, I sold so many
things at work. I mean,

I was making money while
I was making money.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, I feel like that's
something rich people do.

I know. Somebody just
picked up the table lamp.

But... the... the lamp?

But we use the lamp.

[SCOFFS] The TV gives
us all the light we need.

Hm.

What else can I sell?

[KATIE] Uh...

Mom, uh, this has been a big help,

- but maybe we're selling too many...
- Ooh!

I know. My bedroom slippers.

Mm.

What am I, a princess?

So, I think I overreacted earlier.

What makes you say that?

Well, I drove an hour
and a half round trip

to get yogurt by myself.

I hope Spencer doesn't think I'm crazy.

No, no, he'll understand.

[EXHALES DEEPLY] You're right.

I just need to talk to him.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

- Not... Not over the phone.
- Oh, okay, yeah.

- It's better in person.
- Ah. [CHUCKLES]

- [CELL PHONE TEXT ALERT]
- Oh.

Oh, perfect.

He just texted that your mom said
you're here. He's on his way.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [FORCED CHUCKLE]

- Wait! [SCREAMS]
- What?!

Okay, what if when I tell
him that I acted so weird

because he acted so weird,
he says he acted so weird

because he doesn't wanna be
a couple when I go to college?

What if when you tell him
you were acting weird

because he was acting weird

he says you're the most amazing
person and he wants to be with you

even if you're at a college on
the other side of the world?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

- Aw, you're right.
- Yeah.

[KNOCKING]

- Yeah?
- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I... I thought Alexa was here.

Yeah, she is...

not here. No. Yeah, I'm... just me.

Just standing

in front of an open fridge,

thinking, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

... what is bologna? [FORCED CHUCKLE]

- It's beef and pork.
- Oh, right.

Yeah, I was hoping Alexa
was here. We need to talk.

Yes, you do.

You know what? You two
need to talk right now.

Or another time. [FORCED CHUCKLE] Yes.

Okay. Wait.

Alexa didn't say anything about
me to you, though, did she?

Uh, okay, we're best friends.

[INHALES DEEPLY] No, of course not.

Um, you know what? I'll tell
her you stopped by, okay?

- All right.
- Bye.

Um...

[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]

Oh.

Hey. You know, I sold
everything you gave Mom.

Thanks. It's really
going to help me cover

all the things I'll need in college.

[IN ANGRY TONE] You're welcome.

Your shirt's stupid.
You should sell that too.

[GASPS]

Oh.

Okay, I know what's going on here.

You weren't ready to get
rid of your old stuff.

I'm going to go buy it back.

I don't want it back.

That's why I gave it to Mom.
What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

[EXHALES DEEPLY AND CHUCKLES]

So?

"Wow, Mom.

That might be the greatest
cake you've ever made."

Aw, honey! [CHUCKLES]
I didn't do it for the compliments.

I... I did it for the blank stare.

Please look at my cake.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry, Mom. I'm...

I was thinking about Spencer.

It's been a weird day.

Ever since I told him about UNC,
I can't stop wondering if he...

thinks differently about us.

Honey.

Gosh, I'm sure it's just
a misunderstanding.

Spencer is so head over heels for you.

Yeah.

I mean, he looks at you
like Dad looks at brisket.

Hey, you're right. You're right.
I'm being ridiculous.

Okay, Spencer knew that
I could be moving away,

and he was so supportive.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna text him

to come over for dinner.

[CLEARS THROAT] Oh!

Mom, that cake! Might be the
best one you've ever made.

Ha!

It's a little late, but I'll take it!

- Hey, honey. I...
- Brisket.

I keep finding stuff to sell.

This house is filled with garbage.

Mom, I love how you're
helping me, but...

maybe we should be done selling stuff.

Oh, no.

There's still so much
left we don't need.

Well, I think we kind of
need our coffee table.

We really don't.

These boxes are just
like a coffee table...

- Oh.
- Mm.

Our old coffee table didn't do that.

Mm-mm.

[SIGHS] Maybe I did go a little crazy.

I really wanna help you pay for college.

Mm.

[SIGHS]

And not think about the fact
that you're actually leaving...

for college.

I'm not leaving today.

But you will.

It's... It's starting to feel real.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you too.

[BOTH SIGH]

[EXHALES DEEPLY] If you two
are done, I could use a snack.

Never mind.

[STOMPS FEET ON STAIRS]

Huh.

Maybe it's starting to feel
real for somebody else too.

Wait, so...

he's been acting like a jerk
because he's going to miss me?

That is so sweet.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Aww.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Oh, no.

It's the lady who bought our curtains.

I'm deleting that app.

I'm so glad you're not the
lady who bought our curtains.

Me too.

Aw.

Oh, your house.

It looks so...

I smell meat.

Dave's smoking a brisket.

He got a smoker.

Huh.

- Do you wanna go see it?
- No.

- Go.
- Thank you!

What kinda wood are you using?

Straight-up hickory.

Straight-up awesome.

Straight-up loving this conversation.

Do you wanna see the brisket?
It's not quite time yet...

No, no, don't, don't.

The smoky flavor.

You get it.

Oh, sorry, man.
I've been awake a long time.

I can't sleep.

[IN WAVERING VOICE]
Because this matters.

Aw, you're tearing up too?

No, I got smoke in my eye.

[SIGHS] Honey, wait till
you see this cake I just did.

Are... Are you guys crying?

- No.
- [IN WAVERING VOICE] Yes.

[SOBS]

[WHISPERING] Hi.

Um... [CLEARS THROAT]

Jack, I realized something.

Whoop-de-do.

When I go to college,
I'm gonna miss my brother.

Makes sense.

I just wish you had a phone.

You know, that way I know
whenever I wanted to,

I could call you or FaceTime with you.

And, you know, you could,
uh, do the same...

if you missed me.

Well, I'm probably
getting a phone never.

- So, you know.
- Well, what about today?

[SHOUTING] You got me a new iPhone?

I got you a used iPhone!

Awesome!

Yeah, I could show you
how to add phone numbers

- and to reset your voice...
- Oh, Colin, you won't believe this!

I got a new used iPhone!

I can play games! I can text!
I can take pictures!

And when my sister goes to college,

I can FaceTime her
whenever I wanna see her!

[RECEDING FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS]

We'll know it's done
when I poke the brisket

and every bit of it
feels like soft butter.

Have I said this before?

You have. Can you just check it?

Oh, that smell is making me so hungry.

Me too. I've been smelling
brisket for ten hours.

Sixteen. Check it.

- [ALL] We're hungry.
- Hold on, everyone.

The first rule of
barbecue is it's ready...

when it's ready.

Thank you, Joe.

Thermometer, please?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Butter?

Butter.

Butter.

[KNOCKING]

[DAVE] Butter.

Hellooo?

Butter.

Butter.

Butter.

Butter.

Butter!

[ALL] Butter!

- Ahh!
- Whoo!

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

Scissors. Scissors.

No! No!

I think Spencer's here!

I knew it! You hate
that I'm going to UNC.

[GASPS]

My magnificent cake. I was gonna
take a picture of it before...

I'll send it to you.

Don't send that to anyone, okay?

I... No, I was trying to rip the
tags off of the new hoodie.

I was gonna give you mine,
but it ripped on your gate

after your dad sprayed
me with brisket sauce.

I don't remember any of this.

Hm, because it didn't happen.

I could tell you had a problem at Wired

when you ran away from me

and you were banging your
head against the wall.

What? No.

I had a Mega Gulp, and the
bathroom was being repaired.

Okay, likely story.

That sink actually does
get clogged up a lot so...

[SPENCER] See?

What about you?

I mean, dodging my calls and
ditching me for Yo Mama.

- Did they reopen?
- Yeah, there's one in Winchester now.

Ooh, too far.

That's what I said.

So, you really punched the cake

because you were ripping a tag

off the hoodie?

Yeah. I bought it for you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
I'm sorry I acted crazy.

It's only because the thought
of you not being in my life

makes me crazy.

See, I'm okay with that
crazy. [CHUCKLES]

And no matter however far you are,

I'll never want to break up with you.

Mm.

- [ALL] Aww.
- [JENNIFER] Mmm.

This is so good.

Oh, man. That's the best I've ever had.

Yeah.

Yeah. You would've really
loved the cake too.

Kyle! I'm eating brisket!

Wow. That is delicious.

Hm. All that time in front
of the smoker and...

the temperature control
and the smoke zone.

If anything, he should've
been talking about it more.

Really good job, Dave.

Uh... Huh.

Should we wait until he wakes up?
[CLEARS THROAT]

Or we could eat it and tell him
that he dreamed that he made it.

- Yeah! Good!
- Yep.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[VOCALIZING]

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪