02x01 - Bobcats on Three!

[bunniefuu]

Okay, everybody,
I wanna introduce

the rest of the workout team.

This is Tracy and Jessie.

Alright, we're gonna start
you off with a light jog.

Just jog in place..

'You want to really
warm up those legs.'

'Get 'em ready for
what's to come.'

Want to see a movie
with me and Porky?

Can't, I'm doing my workout.

(female #1)
'And now, let's do
some jumping jacks.'

'You're gonna wanna keep
your core tight'

'and your arms straight.'

- Will you get me a water?
- No.

[sputtering]

Ooh?

- Will you get me a water?
- Umm.

(female #1)
'And now, let's go
with some squat thrusts.'

You know it's
dangerous to work out

without being properly hydrated.

(female #1)
'You're going to feel
this in your glutes.'

'We're really gonna blast
those glutes later.'

Ah!

My glutes! Ah! Ooh.

'Ooh! Ho!
They're really locked up.'

[theme music]

[doorbell ringing]

- Hi, Mr. Duck.
- I told you.

You don't have to
call me Mr. Duck.

It's Dr. Duck.

Sorry. Um..

We wanna ask you something.

Yes, you can have my autograph.

Okay... also, we were
wondering if you would

be the coach for
our water polo team.

Coach! That's a title
I've never had.

Or even lied about having.

- What does it pay?
- Oh.

I don't think
you'd get any money.

It's just for fun.

Fun? Let me tell
you kids something.

If I'm your coach, you're
not going to have any fun.

But what you are going
to have is discipline..

...conditioning and wins.

If you want to have fun,
then go over to Granny's

and ask her to be
your water polo coach.

[instrumental music]

Okay, fine.
We'll have a little fun.

Yay! Thanks, Dr. Duck.

It's coach... Dr. Duck.

What did they say I'm coaching?

Water polo?
What the heck is water polo?

Hey, Pork. Ready to go?

(Porky)
'Give me a few minutes.'

What's all this?

I had a ca-ca-catering
job this morning.

How did it go?

Oh, not so good.

T-They barely ate anything.

I d-d-don't think they
liked my cooking.

What? Let me try.

Ugh!

Y-You don't like it.

No, it's fine.

A little bland maybe.

Let me try this guy.

[gagging]

Oh, Porky.

Where are you
getting your recipes?

All these cookbooks I bought.

Hmm. What's this?

(Porky)
'Those are my
grandmother's old recipes.'

Ah, I remember
l-l-loving her food.

"Flaky, creamy
chicken casserole?"

"Savory cheddar bread?"

"Butter pie?"

These sound delicious.

Why ain't you
makin' any of these?

Uh, I don't know.
They don't sound very healthy.

Porky, you're a caterer.

You just need
them to taste good.

Hmm.

Uh, alright. Uh, I'll do it.

Eh, w-we should get going.

Th-the movie's
going to start soon.

Do you have a mint or some gum?

That last one, ooh! Not
good.

[bell ringing]

[whistle blows]

Okay, Bobcats.

Gather 'round.

Take a knee.

Let's see what we've got here.

One boy... two girls..

...and a monster.

No obvious athletes,
none of you attractive.

- What's your name?
- Emily.

Emily?
I'm never gonna remember that.

- What about you?
- Andrew.

Yeah, these
names are impossible.

You know what, I'm just
gonna call everyone Jennifer.

Now, Jennifer, any pre-existing
injuries I should know about?

- No.
- I get stomachaches.

- Not really.
- What does pre-existing mean?

Whoa, whoa, whoa..

Jennifers,
I was talking to Jennifer.

- Which Jennifer?
- Okay.

I'm obviously gonna have to
dumb it down for you guys.

So, you're Jennifer one.

You're Jennifer..
Wait, no.

You're Jennifer one,
you're Jennifer two.

You're Jennifer
three, and you're..

I was gonna say Jennifer
four, but you don't look

like a Jennifer four.

So you're going to
be Jennifer three.

And you're going
to be... Emily.

But that's my actual name.
Won't that be confusing?

Now, let's get in the pool.

Everyone, pick a horse!

[horses neighing]

Um, coach?

There aren't horses
in water polo.

Huh, I have a feeling it's going
to be harder to get them out

of the pool than it
was to get them in it.

[instrumental music]

Umm, Porky, this is delicious.

What's in this?

Eh, b-b-butter, sugar,
cinnamon..

Hmm! So good.

Umm, ah! This is even better.

What's in this one?

That's got butter,
sausage, heavy cream...

(Bugs)
'Umm, no,
this one's my favorite.'

'What's this one?'

That's not one.

'That's a stick of butter.'

Hmm!

Umm..

[whistle blows]

Hmm. What smells so good?

Porky's trying out
his grandmother's recipes.

You got to try some.

Can't. Swimsuit season.

By the way, Bugs,
from now on, I'm holding

water polo practice in our pool.

Why?

The other pool had
to be drained and resurfaced.

Apparently, horses
are land animals.

(Porky)
'Yo-you're coaching water polo?'

'But I didn't
think you knew how to swim.'

I don't... name reason why I,
as those children's coach

would need to know how to swim.

What if one of them gets
into
trouble and you need

to j-jump in and save them?

What if!

What if an asteroid
hits the Earth?

What if robots
take all our jobs?

You can't live by
"what if," Porky.

[children laughing]

That's my team now.

chomp chomp chomp

Umm.

I can't stop eating this stuff.

And now, all I
need is a party to cater.

Why don't I have a party?

You can cater that.

- Really?
- Why not?

You get a job, I get
to eat your delicious food.

Th-Thanks, Bugs.

Maybe one more.

[whistling]

Bring it in, everybody.

Take a knee.

[all inhaling]

[gasping]

Get 'em back up!

[all coughing]

Alright, alright, calm down.

You're a team now, so you got
to start acting like a team.

You got to be aware of each
other in that pool, got it?

I don't want you to
listen, I want you to hear.

I don't want you to
look, I want you to see.

Now, look at me and listen up.

Jennifer three, you're
gonna be our captain.

- I'm Jennifer three.
- I'm Jennifer one.

You know what?
We've got too many Jennifers.

New nicknames,
you're Glasses, you're Freckles

and you're Big Teeth.

- What's my nickname?
- Hmm..

I say we stick with Emily.

It suits you.

Alright. Start playing.

- But we don't have a ball.
- You need a ball?

'Taz, give me your ball.'

[grunts and spitting]

- Ha ha ha..
- See what's happening?

He's listening, but not hearing.

- Weh he he he..
- Dumb dog.

[Taz growling]

Argh!

My glutes!

[instrumental music]

Where are you from again?

B-Buttered scallop potato puff?

Umm..

Oh, guys. Do yourself a favor.

They melt in your mouth.

I can't stop eating them.

Umm! Mmm, mmm..

Umm..

Butter and molasses fritters.

I haven't had one since
I was a little girl!

You got to try these
cheddar cheese dumplings

with creamy gravy... umm!

Huh, are those butter
and molasses fritters?

When did he make those?

Buh-buh-buh!

- What are you doing?
- Eating.

Do you know how much butter
there is in this stuff?

You are in training!

What do you think you're doing?

My son had a healthy lunch,
and because I'm his mama

I told him he
could have dessert.

Well, I'm his coach,
which means for the rest

of the season, I'm his mama.

And his papa,
his friend, his teacher..

I'm everything to this kid.

And if you don't like it,
then you shouldn't have

entrusted him in my care.

I didn't,
I specifically told Gossamer

to stay away from you.

When are you gonna listen to me?

What did I tell you
about these recipes, huh?

You were right,
the Gophers asked me

to cater for
them tomorrow night.

[sputters]

Tomorrow night?

What am I gonna eat
tomorrow night?

There's a ton of food here.

I-I'm sure there
will be leftovers.

Are you kidding?
Look around!

There's gonna be nothing left!

You tell those Gophers
you're busy tomorrow night.

- With what?
- My party.

Y-You just had a party.

You're still having it.

Tomorrow night, 8 O'clock.

And bring the butter pie.

squash

slurp slurp slurp

Men, this is your first game.

You're probably scared.

You feel like you're gonna lose.

Maybe even get
humiliated out there.

Well, I know
exactly how you feel.

You see, years ago,
I was a small-time boxer

living in a tiny
apartment in Philadelphia.

Out of the blue,
the heavyweight champion

of the world gave me
a sh*t at the title.

He knew I didn't stand a chance,
but he liked my nickname..

...the Italian Stallion.

One day, I met
this very shy girl

named Adrian at a pet
store and we fell in love.

Her brother Paulie got me
a job at his meat packing plant

where I would
b*at on the carcasses

hanging in the freezer.

For nutrition, I ate raw eggs.

'And for speed, my trainer
made me chase chickens.'

Now, I know what
you're all wondering.

Did I defeat the heavyweight
champion of the world?

No.

But I went the distance.

And you know what that proved?

That I wasn't just another
bum from the neighborhood.

- Wasn't that a movie?
- You know..

I think they did make
a movie out of it.

That's how
incredible my story is.

Ooh, remind me to tell you
about the time I was swept

away in a tornado and ended up
in a magical land with nothing

but my little dog Toto
and my ruby red slippers.

But right now, we've
got a game to win!

On three!

(all)
'One, two, three!

- Bobcats!
- Rocky!

Bobcats.

[door slams]

Ugh!

[grunts]

Argh!

Argh!

smash

[sighing]

Are you mad at us
because we lost?

I'm not mad at you.

I'm mad at myself.

I'm your coach, your leader.

I should have done more.

I should have learned
the rules of the game.

Or at least
looked up the definition

of water polo in the dictionary.

But I didn't do any of that.

So a lot of today's
loss is on me.

But most of it's on Glasses,
since she's our goalie

and they scored
48 points on her.

So, Glasses, you're out.

Freckles, you're the new goalie.

Well, we'll get 'em next week.

Go, Bobcats!

Huh-oh, look, rabbit, I can't go

to any more of your parties.

That'll be five this week.

Please, I got to
have a party tonight!

Porky's making
buttered sausage biscuits!

There's too much
butter in that food.

It's flat-out unhealthy.

Invite someone else!

I tried. No one will come!

You ought to lay off
that kind of food yourself.

You don't look so good.

[cellphone ringing]

- What's up, doc?
- Oh, hey.

I-I was just calling
to see if you're really

having another party tonight.

You better believe it.

Okay, how many
guests will there be?

Eh... why don't you
make enough for 30?

You know what,
40, just to be safe.

beep

[door buzzes and shuts]

Well, that was a bloodbath.

Freckles, you're out.

Big teeth, you're
our new goalie.

Bobcat pride!

[doorbell ringing]

I-I brought extra
b-b-buttered sausage biscuits

like you told me.

Uh, who are all these people?

Oh, these are just
some of my dear friends.

- Uh..
- Don.

Don, Of course.

Don and I go way back.

How do you know each other?

Eh... we don't.
He paid me 5 bucks to come here.

Ha ha ha, good one, Dan.

- It's Don.
- Don.

You gonna eat that?

[game time buzzer]

Big Teeth, we're
only at halftime

but I can see
where this is going.

[sighing]

Maybe we should just forfeit.

Why don't we just have
Gossamer be the goalie?

Who's Gossamer?

You mean Emily?
Emily can't be goalie.

He's too big.
He'll block the whole goal..

[gasps]

Come on, guys... help
me get this tiny red cap

over that giant orange head!

[all grunting]

[buzzer]

[clamoring]

thud

thud

thud

thud

thud thud

thud thud

[end time buzzer]

We won again!

One more victory and The Bobcats

are state champions!

(Bugs)
'Oh, that's great.'

'We should have
a party to celebrate.'

[floorboard creaking]

What?

You look different.

Did you get a haircut?

No.

Are those new gloves?

No.

Huh! There's
something different.

You sure you
didn't get a haircut?

Hmm. I'll figure it out.

chomp chomp chomp

thud thud thud

You know, if Daffy's team wins..

- Uh!
- We should celebrate.

Have a party at
my place tonight.

Eh, Bugs... I-I don't think I
should be your caterer anymore.

- What?
- Those recipes aren't healthy.

N-No one's supposed
to eat that much butter.

Ah, come on.
What's the big deal?

creak

I-I think y-you're the big deal.

This is it.

I've never been a champion,
but I'm about to be..

...because we've got
this one in the bag!

The trophy's so close,
I can taste it!

And believe me, I will
be licking that trophy.

Now remember, Bobcats

we want to be gracious winners.

So after the game, when you
are belittling those losers

as they get on their bus to
go back to their loser
lives..

...let's be classy about it.

- 'On three!'
- One, two..

Where's Gossamer?

[gasps]

Just so I'm clear,
Gossamer is Emily right?

Gossamer!

Gossamer!

The game's about to start!
What are you doing in here?

[sighing]

I don't think I want
to be goalie anymore.

What are you talking about?

You're our most valuable player!

But I don't play!

I don't do anything.

I just stand there like a loser.

The only reason I'm valuable
is because I'm a giant
monster

and I take up space.

And for once,
that's a good thing!

Don't you want to win?

Not like this.

It feels like cheating.

And cheating hurts. Literally.

I'm sick of all those balls
hitting me in the face.

You do realize if you're
not our goalie, we'll lose.

I don't want to
let you down, coach

but I think I'd rather
lose and feel like a winner

than win and feel like a loser.

I was really looking forward
to licking that trophy.

You're a good kid.

You're a good coach.

Come on.
Who are you kidding?

I do look good in
a swimsuit though.

thud

buzz buzz

(crowd)
'Falcons! Falcons!'

'Falcons!'

[fans cheering]

- Sorry we lost, coach.
- Yeah, sorry.

Don't be.

Seeing you kids have fun
out there, despite what

the scoreboard says, taught
me a lesson that I'll carry

with me for the rest of my life.

Water polo is stupid.

I mean, outside of these
dummies, who are probably

your parents, no one
really cares about this sport.

'It'd be one thing if this had
been football or basketball'

'or even baseball,
but it's not.'

It's only water polo!

So go out there with
your heads held high

because no one cares
about water polo!

- 'Bobcats on three.'
- Bobcats! Bobcats!

- Bobcats!
- Wait! What are you doing?

I don't know how to swim!

Aah!

He can't swim!

thump thump thump

[instrumental music]

splash

Thanks, Bugs.

You got to learn to swim.

Wait a second.

I know what's
different about you!

You're ten times bigger
than you used to be!

[theme music]

[footsteps]

[elevator beeps]

[guitar music]

♪ You seem detached today ♪

♪ When I look at you
You look away ♪

♪ What is it you
want me to say ♪

♪ This is just
like a bad dream ♪

♪ I give you love
but you act so mean ♪

♪ It's like you've
drifted far away from me ♪

♪ Laser beam ♪

♪ Why have you forsaken me ♪

♪ Laser beam ♪

♪ I feel you
pulling away from me ♪

♪ All the times that
we've had together ♪

♪ Are now vaporized ♪

♪ All the things we've
destroyed together are gone ♪

♪ Like the ears
flowing from my eyes ♪

♪ Remember that
night in Quadrant 9 ♪

♪ When we blew up a Class Two
omega sequence star ♪

♪ We gave each other
pedicures and talked all night ♪

♪ And ate peanut butter
from the jar ♪

♪ I've never felt closer
to anyone in my life ♪

♪ And now
you're sitting there ♪

♪ And you refuse to power on ♪

♪ And it cuts me like a Kn*fe ♪

♪ I can't believe you
won't power on anymore ♪

♪ It's not like I can run
out and buy another laser ♪

♪ At the laser store ♪

♪ Laser beam ♪

♪ I guess this
is our last mission ♪

♪ Laser beam ♪

♪ I will miss
your nuclear fission ♪

♪ I guess this is goodbye ♪

♪ Someday I'll have to try ♪

♪ To bring myself
to forgive you ♪♪

zap

Oh! Or I could uh,
just plug you in.

He he he. Common mistake.

♪ Hi yo ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Aren't you gonna have
some butter pie, Mr. Bunny?

I think I'm going to stick
with carrots for a while.

chomp chomp chomp

chomp chomp chomp

What? Swimsuit season's over.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

That's all folks!

thud

Hey!