[instrumental music]
Oh, hey,
what's your home phone
number?
The same
as your home phone number.
Oh.
- What are you doing?
- I got a new phone.
What happened to your old phone?
Toilet. What's Porky's
number?
You don't know
Porky's phone number?
No, he calls me,
but this way, when he calls
I'll recognize the number,
and I'll know not to answer it.
5-5-5-0-8-1-5.
What's his last name?
You don't know
Porky's last name? It's Pig.
Pig? Are you kidding?
[laughs]
I thought that was his nickname.
That is fantastic.
Pig. Pooh!
How do you spell that?
[theme music]
[bell dings]
- What's up, doc?
- Hello there, neighbor.
I'm sorry to bother you.
But would you mind
signing this here petition?
What's it for?
Oh, you know. Stuff.
Sam, I don't just sign something
without knowing what it is.
- Hey, will you sign this?
- Sure.
- Come on. What about you?
- What is it for?
[sighs]
I'm tryin' to get the courts
to give me my g*ns back.
You're kidding.
If I get enough signatures
saying that I'm a good neighbor
with no anger issues
and promises to use
firearms responsibly
then they gotta give
me my g*ns back.
I wonder why they took 'em
away in the first place.
Can you hold the elevator?
[g*nshots]
What do you mean,
I'm not tall enough to ride?
I'm a grown man!
[g*nshots]
I said dressin' on the side!
[g*nshots]
I have no idea.
So will you sign it?
- No.
- Mm.
[instrumental music]
So it's not even
short for anything
like Pigman or Pigstein?
It's just Pig?
Here's your food.
And here's the bill.
I included
the gratuity this time.
chomp chomp
Salad, since when
do you eat salad?
I'm trying to eat healthier.
I'm in training.
I signed up for the marathon.
[sputters]
The marathon?
You're not athletic.
I know, but it's something I've
always wondered if I could do.
I know the answer to that.
You can't.
I'm actually an okay runner.
Huh, prove it.
Let's go outside and race.
Oh, I-I...
- What, are you scared?
- N-no. I'm not scared.
I thought you were
a pig, not a chicken.
- I am. I'm just...
- Just what?
Afraid you'll lose?
Well, you will.
- Fine.
- Ooh! It's on!
Who wants to come outside
and watch me whip
this pig in a footrace?
[indistinct chatter]
Huh. I guess they already
know I'm going to win.
[instrumental music]
Good race.
You may have won the battle,
but I'm gonna win the w*r.
What w*r?
The marathon. I'm entering it.
Oh, great. I-I'll have
someone to run with.
Not great.
I'm going to b*at you.
I'm sure a lot
of people will b*at me.
I just want to finish.
You'll finish alright,
behind me.
And you'll have lost the w*r.
There's no w*r.
Oh, yes, there is.
And you just lost
the first battle.
I thought you said
I won the battle.
I said you won the w*r.
But I will win the battle.
- Who won?
- I did.
[instrumental music]
I'm goin' for a run.
Whoa! My phone!
It's got my tunes on it.
Elton John's greatest hits.
Since when do you run?
Since Porky decided to turn
my whole world upside down.
What are you talking about?
- Porky entered a marathon.
- So?
- So he's not the jock, I am.
- You're the jock?
Look, in our circle of friends,
we all have our roles.
You're the average Joe,
the every man.
Porky's the nerd, the loser.
And I'm the jock, the hunk.
That makes sense.
Can't hear ya. Elton John.
[grunting]
[beeping]
Dag gummit. Ugh.
Card sarn it! Unh.
[glass shatters]
[beeping]
Lose something?
Give me that.
thud
Oh. This is just the kind
of thing you need a g*n for.
I would've blasted that
darn smoke detector to bits.
I ain't slept in three nights.
Every time
I starts to fall asleep
beep, beep, beep.
You just need
to change the battery.
Get down from there.
What are you doin'?
I'm taking the battery out.
No one asked for your help!
Oh, great! Now I owe you one.
You got another battery?
No, I don't got another battery.
- I've got one.
- No, you already done enough!
Fine. Let me know
when you get one.
And I'll come over
and put it in for you.
Uh-uh. I already owe
you for takin' it out.
I ain't gonna owe you double
for puttin' another in.
Yosemite Sam don't like
owin' nothin' to nobody!
[instrumental music]
What about that stack of bills?
Those are faceless corporations.
Now, what kinda cake
do you like?
I'm bakin' you a cake
to pay you back.
I-I don't know. Carrot?
Well, you're gettin' chocolate.
It's the only one
I know how to make.
thud
You're welcome.
They found him lying
in the middle of the road.
He's severely dehydrated,
but we're getting fluids in him.
- So he should be fine.
- Why'd you call me?
You were his "In case
of emergency" on his cell phone.
[instrumental music]
Oh, thank goodness, you're here.
I'm your "In case of emergency?"
What about Bugs?
No, no, no, no.
You're the dependable one.
Cool in a crisis.
Bugs is the uptight one,
the stick in the mud.
What are you talking about?
In our friendship circle,
you're the dependable one
Bugs is the uptight one,
Porky's the buffoon
and I'm the stud.
Hey, you're fast, right?
I'm the fastest mouse
in all of Mexico.
Can you teach me to be the
fastest mouse in all of Mexico?
Or at least, faster than Porky?
I doubt it. Why me?
Because you're the helpful one,
the saint.
I thought you said
I was the dependable one.
No. Porky's the dependable one.
I thought Porky was the buffoon.
- No, Bugs is the buffoon.
- I'm confused.
That's because
you're not the smart one.
I'm the smart one.
So will ya help me?
- Fine.
- I knew I could count on you.
That's why you're the stud.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna pass out.
[machine beeps]
[instrumental music]
[sniffs]
That nitwit! Daffy, call 911!
[snoring]
[instrumental music]
[gasps]
What in tarnation
are you doin' here?
You didn't change
the battery, did you?
- What?
- Your house is on fire!
[gasps]
I must've left the stove on,
baking your cake.
[creaking]
We gotta get out of here!
Eh. Wait.
Let me throw on some jeans.
No, not these. They pinch.
Where's my good pair?
Ah. They're in the hamper.
Sam, we're gonna die!
[gasps]
Your cake!
Forget the cake!
No way. I ain't stayin'
indebted to you.
[dramatic music]
[creaking]
thud
[music continues]
[grunting]
thud
boom
Hello. Hello.
Yosemite. Yosemite.
Hello. It's me, Dr. Weisberg.
That was some fire.
You're lucky to be alive.
Thanks to this guy.
You really owe him one.
- No, no, no, no.
- Unh.
Oh. Oh, hey. You know, your
friend was in the other day.
- Who?
- You know, your friend.
The-the hunk. The jock.
- Who?
- Come on, the stud.
Eh, forget it.
Hey, doc, will you sign this?
I'm tryin' to get my g*ns back.
What are you, nuts?
Sure you don't wanna reconsider?
I'm sure.
But if you need a place to
say
until your house is fixed..
Oh, no!
I already owe you plenty.
Sam, you don't owe me anything.
I wish that were true,
believe you me.
But the fact of the matter
is you saved my life.
And everyone knows
the only way to repay someone
who saves your life
is to save theirs.
My life's not in any danger.
You don't know that.
You think I thought
my life was in danger
when I went to sleep
last night with the stove on
pan full of grease
next to a stack of newspapers
I was thinkin' about recyclin'?
No, siree. You saved my life.
So now I gots to save yours.
[instrumental music]
How about last night, huh?
That Bugs is a real hero.
Bugs isn't the hero.
He's the nerd.
You're really not getting
this friendship circle thing.
Okay, if you're gonna
run a marathon
you need endurance
and proper technique.
Here, watch me.
whoosh
- Like that.
- Like what?
Go. So I can see it.
Are you kidding? I just did it.
I didn't see anything.
Fine. I'll do it again slower.
- There.
- What? Go.
[speaking in foreign language]
Okay. I'll go
in slow motion this time.
Pay attention
to my stride and my posture.
whoosh
Wow. You're fast.
How come
you don't enter the marathon?
Because it wouldn't be fair.
If I enter, I'll win.
Give someone else a chance. Heh.
I guess I am the saint.
Okay, give me
a couple laps so I can see
what I'm working with. Go.
[panting]
How do I look?
Like a woman wearing
high heels carrying a purse.
[panting]
- Oh. How far did I go?
- Like, 10 feet.
How many feet are in a marathon?
Like 137,000.
Hi, guys.
[instrumental music]
There he goes. The hunk.
I'll never b*at that jock.
What a stud.
What a dependable, smart stud.
[instrumental music]
[clears throat]
Aah!
- Don't worry! I'll save you!
- What?
You're chokin'. I got to
give you the Heimlich.
That's-that's not the Heimlich!
[grunting]
I'm not sure what the
Heimlich
is, but I'm saving your life.
I'm not choking.
thud
Well, I saw you cough.
Were you watching me?
It's all I been doin'.
I can't sleep!
First, it was
the smoke detector.
Now, it's the burden of repayin'
this soul-crushing debt.
You should've let me die.
I hate you.
But I will not rest
until I save your life.
And then I can go back
to just being your bad neighbor
with anger issues.
- You wanna sign this again?
- Sure.
Careful. There's a bunch
of broken glass everywhere.
Okay. Let's see here.
Today, you did
three jumping jacks
one sit up, and half a push-up.
Well, that's better
than yesterday.
What are you drinking?
Energy drink.
Gotta replace my electrolytes.
It's root beer.
Man, you got to be serious
about your nutrition.
You got to think
of your body as a machine.
Nutrition is the fuel.
What's a typical day
of food for you?
Well, I start
with a sensible breakfast.
A bunch of powdered
sugar on a hotdog.
That's not sensible.
That is insensible.
What about lunch?
Usually turkey sandwich
on wheat.
Okay. That's pretty good!
I just deep-fry
that sucker and dump
a bunch
of powdered sugar on top.
I'm scared to ask
what you eat for dinner.
I like a big dinner.
Helps me sleep.
I'll take a casserole dish,
you know something big and deep.
Pour about two inches
of powdered sugar in there
a rack of baby back ribs,
a layer of marshmallows.
'More powdered sugar,
'til it's about ye high.'
Throw that dude in the microwave
for about 45 minutes
sprinkle with powdered
sugar and serve.
gulp gulp gulp
That's what you eat for dinner?
Well, I supplement throughout
the day with these protein bars.
chomp
That's a tube of cookie dough.
[instrumental music]
Look at him go.
Look at that commitment.
That's why he's the buffoon.
chomp
[door bell rings]
Hi, Mr. Bunny.
Oh, hey, Gossamer.
What can I do for ya?
My teacher is wondering if
you'd come and talk to my class
about what it's like
to be a hero.
- Oh, sure. When will you...
- Aah!
Now we're even-steven.
What are you talking about?
Well, you were about to get
eaten by a monster.
That's Gossamer.
He's our neighbor
and he's nine years old.
So I didn't just save your life?
No. Put him down!
thud
You help me get my g*ns back?
My mom says I'm not
allowed to talk to you.
How about one more?
Careful.
There's a big net out here.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
[beeping]
Hello.
Hey, Porky.
Oh, hey, Bugs. What's up?
I have a favor to ask of you.
(Porky)
'Anything.'
I need you to hit me
with your car.
thud
Come on, touch your toes.
I can't.
Flexibility is the key
to a proper stride.
We got to get
your hamstring stretched out.
This is as far as I can go.
[instrumental music]
- Are you sure about this?
- Don't worry.
Someone's gonna save me
before you actually hit me.
- Oh, I see you.
- Okay. Good.
Now, I'm gonna enter
the intersection.
But don't slow down.
It's gotta look real.
It's burning.
I bet that stud Porky Pig
can touch his toes.
I'm the stud!
Aah!
crash
[machine beeping]
You got one friend who
nearly
gets you k*lled in a fire.
And another who hits
you with his car.
[instrumental music]
You gotta get some new friends.
Except for that one guy.
The hunk. The jock.
He's a keeper.
Well, there's only one
thing left to do.
- Stop trying to save my life?
- No!
Try ten times as hard!
From here on out,
I'm never leavin' your side!
Okay. Visiting hours are over.
Well, see you tomorrow.
Oh, hey, will you sign this?
Well, I-I need to read it first.
Forget it.
- How you feeling?
- Good. Strong.
- You do your stretching?
- Yep. All stretched out.
What did you have
for breakfast this morning?
[instrumental music]
Eggs. Just like you told me.
Oh, no. Thank you.
It wouldn't be fair.
Give someone else a chance.
After all, I'm the saint.
Wait a second.
I'm not the saint.
I'm the fastest mouse
in all of Mexico. I'm the jock!
Give me a number.
[instrumental music]
Good morning, runners.
'Welcome to the 53rd
Annual Royal Oaks..'
Oh!
And here now to start
the race is local hero
Bugs Bunny.
[crowd cheering]
Now, in 30 minutes,
I'll give you the signal.
And you'll fire this
starter's p*stol into the
air
starting the race.
[gasps]
Oh.
[instrumental music]
What is wrong with you?
I saved your life!
He was about to sh**t you dead!
No, you idiot!
That's not a real g*n.
That's a starter's pist..
I mean, thank you.
You saved my life.
So the debt's been paid?
We're square?
We're square. Totally
square.
Now, can I please
start the race?
Sorry, rabbit,
it's been too long.
Yee-haw!
[g*nshots]
It's not even a real g*n!
Hey. I'm done.
Unh. Oh.
What happened?
I must've had some bad eggs.
- Let me get you some help.
- No.
You need to finish.
This is your dream.
I should've been a good
friend and supported you.
I'm just gonna have
to get used to the idea
that you're the jock
and I'm the loser.
- B-but...
- Go!
Go, you dependable,
uptight, hunky, loser stud.
I'm not finishing without you.
[instrumental music]
I can't believe
you carried Daffy 23 miles.
What an incredible gesture.
Ah, he would've
done-done the same for me.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
'Look, you can clearly
see my feet crossing'
the finish line before you.
That means I won.
The circle of friendship
is finally restored.
I am the stud.
You're the buffoon.
You're the uptight one.
And you're... the mouse.
The mouse? I thought you said
I was the dependable one.
He's really not getting this
friendship circle thing, is he?
Then again,
he's not the smart guy.
I'm the smart guy.
And the saint and the jock.
The hunk. The dependable
one.
'The golden boy.
The gifted child.'
[g*nshots]
You can have my g*n when you pry
it from my cold dead..
What's the big deal?
It was a starter's p*stol.
There weren't no b*ll*ts in it.
I wouldn't act that way
with a real g*n. I promise.
What about all these signatures?
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
Will you sign this?
02x08 - The Stud, the Nerd, the Average Joe and the Saint
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Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.
Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.