02x20 - Shell Game

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Looney Tunes Show". Aired: May 3, 2011 - November 2, 2013.*
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02x20 - Shell Game

Post by bunniefuu »

[instrumental music]

[grunting]

[grunting]

You're gonna break it.

I think I know my own recliner.

Sometimes it just sticks.

Gotta give it a little.. Ha!

Gotta give it a little.. Aah!

But sometimes it knows
you're gonna do that

so you've got to surprise
it with a little.. Ha!

[grunting]

Oh!

crash

'That's good.'

[theme music]

[instrumental music on TV]

Uh, maybe, it's time
to buy a new recliner.

Buy a new recliner?

Easy for you to say,
Moneybags Bunny.

But unlike you, I wasn't born

with a silver carrot
in my mouth.

Well, then get it fixed.

Why? If it ain't broke,
don't fix it.

Ooh!

[groaning]

It is broke.
It's an expression, Bugs.

Lord, you're ignorant.

My point is, I'm perfectly
content with it like this.

Well, I'm not. It takes up
half the room this way.

And I'm not watching
TV upside down.

[scoffs]
You're so prickly.

Everything has to be
just so with you.

It's like you can't adapt.

Oh! My eyes!

The sudden change in lighting,
I can't adapt to it.

[sobbing]

Why is it so hard for you
to admit that you lost, Porky?

I didn't lose.
In golf, the lowest score wins.

That doesn't make any sense.

Everyone knows that in sports,
the highest score wins.

You got a 75. I got a 308.

I dominated you.

[scoffs]
He put the TV back.

[gasps]

What in the name
of Randall McClintock is this?

Oh, a new recliner.

- What do you think?
- Are you responsible for this?

Well, your old one was broken.
This one's brand-new.

It's leather.

No, absolutely not.
Take it back.

Why? I think it's nice.

Oh, now,
I definitely don't want it.

Porky has the worst taste
of anyone I know.

You think I have bad taste?

Look in the mirror, man.
What's with those shoes?

They're crazy. They have
little spikes on the bottom.

- Who does that?
- They're golf shoes.

Well, what's with the one glove,
who do you think you are?

Michael Jackson?

I met Michael Jackson,
and you are no Michael Jackson.

It's a golf glove.

When did you meet
Michael Jackson?

I met him at the Denver airport.
But that's not the point.

The point is I want
my old recliner back.

It's too late.
I donated it to a thrift store.

Porky, I'm gonna need
a moment alone with my roommate.

Not my friend, my roommate.

Oh, uh, okay.

thud

That was a garbage move.

Getting you a brand-new
recliner was a garbage move?

That recliner meant
everything to me.

- Why?
- Why?

It was my sole possession.

What are you talking about?
You got a bedroom full of stuff.

Yes, but all of that
is either rented

found in a dumpster,
or I'm borrowing it from Porky.

That recliner I bought
with my own money.

It was the summer
after graduation.

I was working at That-A-Burger.

It was miserable.

Six days a week, ten hours a day

standing over those grease traps

slinging 80% beef patties.

I used to fantasize
about sitting down

with my feet up, just relaxing.

Then one day, on my walk home

from yet another nightmare shift

I looked up and there it
was in the store front window.

I knew if I could
just sit in it once

I would sit in it
for the rest of my life.

But they said I had to buy it.

It took me all summer
to make enough money

but once I did, I quit that job

bought that recliner and I've
been sitting in it ever since.

Until today.

Wow. I had no idea.

I feel terrible.

- Come on.
- Where are we goin'?

To get your recliner back.

[instrumental music]

(Porky)
'Uh, guys?'

Hello?

(Daffy)
I can't believe someone
already bought my recliner.

Neither can I.

Now, what am I gonna do?
Where am I gonna sit?

In the new recliner I got
ya.
It's very comfortable.

Give it a try.
Maybe you'll like it.

Think of it as a new beginning.
A fresh start.

When one door closes,
another one opens.

That's what makes
life interesting.

You never know
what's gonna happen next.

vroom

[Cecil screams]

Bet you didn't know
that was gonna happen.

- Are you okay?
- You hit me.

- Bugs Bunny?
- Cecil?

Here, let me help you up.

I'm so sorry. Are you hurt?

No, I think I'm okay.
Just a little startled, maybe.

- Uh-oh.
- What?

Did you always have
a cr*ck in your shell?

Oh, no, my shell is cracked.

Don't worry, I'll take care
of it. I have insurance.

Oh, no, I don't want you to have
to go through all that trouble.

Let's handle this
like gentlemen.

I have a shell guy I go to.
He's very reasonable.

Well, whatever the cost.

Whatever it is,
I'll be happy to pay for it.

- Here's my number.
- I'll be in touch.

[groaning]

What are you doing?

I think you've done
enough damage for one day.

Being behind the wheel of a car

is a tremendous
responsibility, Bugs.

It requires
concentration and focus.

That's how you avoid accidents.

crash

[instrumental music]

So what do you think?

What kind of leather is this?

I don't know. Leather.

Is it Corinthian or cordovan?

Or is it even leather at all?

I mean, it feels like Naugahyde.

It's leather.

It makes a weird sound
when I move like this.

Well, then stop
movin' like that.

I don't think I like it.

Daffy, you're the only
person in the world

that wouldn't like
this recliner.

Ugh. Where did you get
this hideous recliner?

See? Told you. It's going back.

What? It's just one opinion.

Uh, one professional opinion.

- You're not a professional.
- Uh, no.

But I watch
"Design Divas" every week

so I think I know
what I'm talking about.

What is "Design Divas?"

It's the design show
where diva decorators

change other divas' lives one
piece of furniture at a time.

Hello! We have
a season pass to it.

How have you never seen it?

Ugh. Always with
the reading, this guy.

What happened to
your old recliner?

Brainiac over there thought
he was doing me a favor

by throwing it away and
giving
me this Naugahyde nightmare.

It's beyond horrible.

It's nice.

Bugs, you're good
in a lot of areas

but home decor
is not one of them.

You just don't see things
the way we do.

[telephone ringing]

That's an understatement.

- Hello?
- Bugs, it's Cecil.

Oh, hi. How are ya?

- The turtle.
- Yeah, right.

The one you hit
with your car this morning.

No, yeah, I know
exactly who this is.

Okay, well, I just dropped
my shell off with my shell guy

and the cr*ck
is worse than we thought.

Oh, no. What does that mean?

It means he's gonna need $2000.

Two thousand dollars
to fix your shell?

Oh, no, the 2000 is just to go
in and see what the problem is.

He has to determine
if it's a surface cr*ck

or a sub-stratum cr*ck.

If it's a sub-stratum cr*ck

that could end up
costing as much as 35.

- 3500?
- 35,000.

gulp

'But fingers crossed'

'it's a surface cr*ck.'

So you want to drop
that check off?

I'd come by and get it,
but I probably

shouldn't leave the house.

You know,
turtle without a shell..

...highly vulnerable.

Oh, of course.
What's your address?

4123..

- Can I have your credit card?
- My credit card?

Oh, actually,
I'd prefer a check.

No, I-I'm sorry,
I-I wasn't talking to you.

Why do you need my credit card?

We're exchanging the recliner.

- Hello?
- Oh, uh, sorry.

Can you say that again?

(Daffy)
We are exchanging the recliner!

Not you. No, I-I'm sorry,
I wasn't talking to you.

Here.

Sorry. One more time, Cecil.

4123, Helms Way.

Sorry. Where'd you buy it?

Home Warehouse.

No. Helms Way.

Why would I live
at Home Warehouse?

It's not important.
I'll stop by with the check.

(Lola)
'Can you help us carry
the recliner to the car?'

It's real heavy.

[instrumental music]

Great day of the mornin'.
This place is huge.

We've been
walking around for an hour

and just got out
of the kitchen section.

- Where are we now?
- Hmm. I don't know.

It's either textiles and
rugs
or storage solutions.

A scarf basket?
Who needs a scarf basket?

(Lola)
'Ooh! Look over here!'

You found the recliners?

No, it's a complete
closet organizing system.

See, everything
is divided into little baskets.

Baskets. Genius.

All of your T-shirts go in here,
socks and underwear here.

- This is for your sweaters.
- What about my scarves?

[gasps]
Look, scarf baskets.

Oh, my mornings
would go so much quicker

if my closet looked like this.

Hmph. Tell me about it.

You know, about seven years ago,
I quit wearing clothes

because my closet was so
disorganized. I just gave up.

- Oh. Em. Gee.
- You found the recliners?

More like patio furniture
and outdoor dining!

Ooh! Wait for me!

[instrumental music]

knock knock

Oh, Mr. Bunny,
forgive my appearance.

Let me go and get a robe.

I just wanted
to give you your check.

Oh, that's so nice of you.

"Two thousand dollars." Yep.

This should get
the ball rolling.

How are you feeling?

Oh, you know, not good.

I'm really sorry. Is there
anything else I can do for ya?

Well, I suppose
I could use some groceries.

I mean,
I'd go and get them myself

but a turtle without a shell..

Right. Highly vulnerable.

Here's a list.

You, uh, had that
ready to go, huh?

I'd really appreciate it.

Okay. I'll be right back.

[laughing]

Were you just laughing?

What? No.

It sounded like the evil
laugh of a cartoon villain.

Oh, don't be silly.

I mean, do I look
like a cartoon villain?

[dramatic music]

Who are you looking at?

[instrumental music]

knock knock

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I'm on with my shell guy.

So you're sayin'
it can't be repaired?

You're gonna have to make
a brand-new custom shell?

I don't even wanna ask
how much that's gonna cost.

Of course, I'll hold.
He's pricin' it out for me.

Looks like it's gonna be
a little more than we hoped.

Hmm. What a shocker.

Where would you like me
to put all this caviar I bought?

Fridge is fine.

Oh, good,
you remembered the bubbly.

Oh, yes, hi.
Did you come up with a figure?

Oh, boy. Oh, brother.
Oh, brother. Oh, boy.

He says you're lookin'
at $53,000.

Let me talk to him.

- Oh, uh, uh, you can't.
- Why not?

Because he, um,
doesn't speak English.

You were just talking
to him in English.

Oh, well, he can understand it,
he just can't speak it.

Give me that phone.


Bonjour to you too.
He hung up.

So about that $53,000..

Oh, you know what, unfortunately
my checkbook's at home.

Well, you know where to find me.

[laughing]

Just clearin' my throat.
A little parched.

Gonna go ahead
and open that bubbly.

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

[whirring]

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, hello, mommy. That is
good for the circulation.

I am really feeling
that circulation.

Let's see what else she does.

[whirring]

Oh, that's good.

That's a nice feeling
right there.

Ooh! Maybe that's a little
too much of that feeling.

Whoops! Probably needed that.

[muffled]
Little, little help here. Daffy!

Daffy!

[whirring]

- Cool bed.
- Ooh!

That is quite a ride, my friend.

- Where were you?
- Looking for recliners.

And I had to use the bathroom.

- You went over there?
- Mm-hmm. Very European.

- No doors. No judgment.
- Um, how do I say this?

Uh, I think
those are display toilets.

What do you say we keep
looking for those recliners?

Away from this area.

[instrumental music]

Let's find out a little more
about Cecil, the turtle.

Hmm. Here we go.

A news article.
"Turtle Hit By Motorist."

This is from six years ago.

"Cecil, the turtle
was struck in a crosswalk.

"Driver claimed
he came out of nowhere.

"Awarded $40,000 in damages."

Here's another one, "Turtle out
for stroll struck by minivan."

There's tons of these.

You miserable little...

Bugs! Oh, no!

What have I done?
What have I done?

Calm down. Calm down.
What happened?

- I almost k*lled someone.
- What?

I hit a pedestrian with my car.

I never even saw him.

Poor thing. It's like
he came out of nowhere.

Came out of nowhere, huh?

And I cracked his shell.
He's so vulnerable now.

I gave him $10,000,
but that's just

for the initial estimate.
It'll probably be more.

He's waiting to hear back
from his shell guy.

Oh, I hope he's okay.

Why don't we go check on him?

I can't believe I got kicked
out for using the toilet.

Last time I got
kicked out of a place

it was for not using one.
Figure it out, America.

On the bright side, I got
the closet organizing
system.

I guess I just have to get used
to life without a recliner.

knock knock knock

Oh, Mr. Pig,
I wasn't expecting to see
you.

I just heard back
from my shell guy.

I'm afraid it's gonna cost
more than we'd hoped.

Oh! Mr. Bunny,
what are you doing here?

I'm shutting down
your little shell game.

Well, look at that.

Your shell looks as good as new.

Oh, well, uh,
my shell guy just fixed it.

So you wear a fake cracked shell

'to scam people out
of their money. Not anymore.'

Come on, Porky.
We're goin' to the police.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you.

[g*n cocks]

Drop the shell.

'Hands up. Both of you.'

Now kick it over to me.

Ha!

Where'd you get that recliner?

This old thing? I picked it
up
at the thrift store.

That was where I spotted you.

You were the perfect mark.

I got to hand it to you, Cecil.
You're a criminal mastermind.

Why, thank you very much.

If you don't mind me asking

how did you come up
with this scheme?

Well, it's a long story,
but since I'm gonna sh**t you

anyway, what's the harm?

Mind if we sit down?

Why not? I mean,
we're all gentlemen.

[humming]

I was living in Atlantic city
working at That-A-Burger.

I didn't have two dimes
to rub together

but I had big dreams.

I'm sorry to interrupt

but wouldn't you be
more comfortable... reclined?

What?

Oh! I just thought
it was a chair.

I didn't know
it was a recline.. Aah!

Hold on to this.

Uh-oh.

Looks like ya cracked
your shell.

Oh.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

vroom vroom

♪ There are things in life
that are amazing ♪

♪ Like star gazing
Sunday lazing ♪

♪ And carrot quiche ♪

♪ But nothing can compare ♪

♪ To a certain top-notch hare ♪

♪ I'll admit inside my heart ♪

♪ He's found a niche ♪

That's a French word
meaning "Special place."

Maestro!

♪ Look at him
There he goes ♪

♪ He's wonderful
and everyone knows ♪

♪ He's wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Wonderful wonderful Bugs ♪

♪ He likes his coffee
finely ground ♪

♪ When he snores
it doesn't make a sound ♪

♪ He respects his elders
He's a certified welder ♪

♪ And he's got good humor
by the pound ♪

♪ He dates
my lovely daughter Lola ♪

♪ She thinks he's sweet
as cherry cola ♪

♪ He's honest to a fault ♪

♪ His brain's a golden vault ♪

♪ He's the yogurt
to her granola ♪

♪ Here he comes ♪

♪ Man of the hour ♪

♪ Look at him walk ♪

♪ Such grace and power ♪

♪ He's wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Wonderful wonderful Bugs ♪

♪ I know he's just
a bunny and all ♪

♪ But some day I hope
he's my son-in-law ♪

[blows kiss]

♪ He's handsome
and considerate ♪

♪ Articulate and literate ♪

♪ Loquacious and vivacious ♪

♪ His garage is very spacious ♪

♪ He's wonderful wonderful ♪

♪ Bugs ♪

Mwah!

(Daffy)
'I know what the surprise is.'

You went back to Home Warehouse

and got me that
leather recliner again.

You were right. It was
great.

It was way better
than my old recliner.

That thing was a piece of junk.

I don't know why
I was holding on to it.

I'm glad it's out of my life.

If I never see
my old recliner again

it'll be too soon.

So thank you.
Thank you, my friend.

I am so excited to sit
in that leather recliner!

Oh.

You miserable little..

[theme music]

That's not all, folks!

I'm gonna get out of here.

And when I do,
watch out, Bugs Bunny!
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