02x22 - Gossamer Is Awesomer

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

Ugh!

[grunting]

[grunting]

crash

[grunting]

thud

[Daffy grunting]

[electricity crackling]

thud

(Bugs)
'What happened to the TV?'

[theme music]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[engine revving]

[door closes]

Hey, Gossamer, I need your help.

Get that down for me.

- 'Here you go.'
- Thanks.

I think there's something
wrong with this ball.

You should probably stick around
in case that happens again.

Oh, that sounds fun

but I have to go home
and make posters.

That's your homework?
Making posters? Huh!

Kids have it
too easy these days.

No, it's not homework.
I'm running for class president.

Class president?
You're not popular.

Yeah, I know,
but I have a lot of good ideas.

Huh, everyone has good ideas.

Just this morning,
I put root beer

in my cereal instead of milk.

So what are you saying?
You don't think I can win?

Maybe, but it won't be easy.

You'll need to run a smart,
mistake-free campaign

that stays on message,
and steadily gains momentum

until it peaks the day
of the election.

Wow. How do you know
so much about it?

I was elected
to the city council.

You're on the city council?

Not anymore.
It was too boring.

So I faked my own death
to get off of it.

The point is,
I know how to win an election.

Could you help me
win an election?

Hmm. A big,
orange, hairy nerd.

Yeah, I can work with that.

Kid, with me
as your campaign manager

this election will be
a slam... dunk!

crash

thud

Huh?

There's something really
wrong with that ball.

[groans]

[instrumental music]

- What do you think?
- ' "Gossamer is Awesomer."'

That's not a real word.

I know, but it's his name,
and we can't change it.

[doorbell rings]

Or can we?

I don't know what
that kid sees in you.

Porky?

Eh, do-do you mind If I stay
with you guys for a while?

(Bugs)
'You sold your house?'

I had to.
I c-couldn't afford it.

I haven't had a catering job
in almost a year.

Well, why didn't you tell us?
We would have helped you out.

No, no, no.
It wouldn't have felt right

taking money from a friend.

Why? Who else are you going
to take money from?
Strangers?

That's thievery, Porky.
For shame.

So you're done with catering?

I-it just doesn't pay the bills.

It does if you're good at it.

Of course you can stay here.

Thanks! Just until
I figure out a new career.

I-I really appreciate it.

You won't even know I'm here.

I'll be as quiet as a mouse.

[trumpet blowing]

[chuckles]

Oh, hey! Just having a few
friends over to watch the fight.

We might be a little loud,
just FYI.

[chuckling]

You mind if I set up
on the couch?

Oh, make yourself at home.

There's extra sheets
in the linen closet.

Are you out of your mind?

You're just going
to let him stay here?

Until when?
He's not gonna get a job.

He's just going to be here,
eating your food

taking up space, making a mess.

Do you have any idea what
you're getting yourself into?

I have some idea.

Uh, just wondering
when do you guys usually

get up in the morning?

I want to have
breakfast waiting.

Porky, you don't have
to make breakfast.

Oh, yes, he does.
He has to earn his keep.

We all earn our keep
around here.

Oh, hey, Bugs?
We're out of toilet paper

in all the bathrooms.

Don't ask.

[instrumental music]

What are you doing
up this early?

I never went to bed. I was
up all night making posters.

What do you think of this one?

"Steve is awesomer."

Who is Steve?

Well, you're the one who said
Gossamer isn't a word.

No, I didn't.
You said that.

Ugh, It is too early in the
morning to be dealing with you.

Well, good morning.
How do you like your eggs?

In my hands.
I gotta hit the road.

'Come on, man, what?'

You've never put eggs in
someone's hands before?

Oh-ho-ho!
These-these are hot!

Hot hands coming through.

[gasping]

I'll take mine over medium.

[door closes]

And on a plate.

[instrumental music]

chomp chomp

[doorbell rings]

Alright, let's get
cracking on your campaign.

Now? But I have
to go to school.

What, they expect you
to run for class president

and go to class?

There's not enough hours
in the day for that.

Kids have it
too hard these days.

Take a seat.

As your campaign manager

I need you to be completely
and totally honest with me.

Now, when you're running
for president

everything comes out.

You're about to be opened up
to a level of scrutiny

that you can't imagine.

So if there's anything
in your past

you better tell me right now
because the media will find out

and they will rake you
over the coals.

Do you belong to any
unsavory organizations?

No.

Any weird hobbies
I should know about?

- No. No.
- Ever been guilty of a crime?

You're telling me
your record is clean?

Uh-huh.

You're saying you have no
skeletons in your closet?

[gasps]

Those are my mom's.

[gasping]

What the..

What are you doing in here?

Now you know you're not
allowed in the house.

'Get on out of here.'

And what are you doing in here?

You know you not allowed
in the house, either.

Mr. Duck is helping me
become class president.

Well, you're not going
to become anything

if you don't get to school.

- You already missed the bus.
- I'll take him.

We'll do some campaign
strategizing on the way.

Oh, hey, what would you think
of legally changing

Gossamer's name to Steve?
Sounds more presidential.

[electricity crackling]

We can talk about it later.

Mm-mm-mm.

Why doesn't he ever get
that rabbit to help him?

[instrumental music]

Ah, I got to say, Porky

it's a pleasure
having you as a roommate.

Can I make you some coffee?

Ah, no, you're doing too much.

Have you seen
the coffee filters?

Oh, I put them in there.

The, uh, the counter was looking
so cluttered.

You put the coffee filters
in the silverware drawer?

Oh, no, I moved
the silverware to this
drawer

So they'd be closer
to the dishes.

But the dishes are over here.

Not anymore.

It didn't make any sense to have
them all the way over there

so far from the napkin drawer.

I don't have a napkin drawer.

Ha ha ha, you do now. See?

Now the silverware
is next to the dishes

which are next to the napkins.

Now you have a system.

Oh, uh, I didn't know
I needed a system.

Everyone needs a system.

Here, look what I did
with your pantry.

So just get cooking.

- What?
- It's an acronym.

'Soups, jars, grains, cereals.'

I didn't know I had
so much soup.

[laughs]

Well, of course
you didn't, silly.

It was all just so disorganized
you didn't know what you had.

Okay.

[chuckling]

[school bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

It's nice of you
to walk me to class.

I'm not walking you to class.

I'm looking for the best place
to put up your campaign poster.

Figure out which part
of the school

gets the most foot traffic.

[gasps]

[instrumental music]

Winnie Yang is running
for president?

Do you know her?

Ohh, we had the same
piano teacher.

She's an evil,
conniving, manipulative

hateful little weasel.

(Winnie)
'Hi, Gossamer.'

Oh, hi, Winnie.

You know, if you'd rather
put your poster here

I'm happy to move mine.

Oh, hi, Mr. Duck.
Nice to see you again.

She's even worse
than I remember.

[groaning]

- Who's Steve?
- Oh, you and Bugs.

I'm telling you,
you're making a mistake.

Steve's the way to go.

[humming]

Do you mind?

Oh, not at all.

Your desk was in
desperate need of a system.

I meant the humming.

Was I humming?
Ha ha ha, I hadn't noticed.

Come see what I've done.

Before, your writing implements
were just scattered all about.

Gee, that sounds dangerous.

Heh heh, well, not dangerous,
eh, but certainly inefficient.

So now, I've put
your blue ink pens here

next to the phone for
j-jotting down messages.

Your black ink pens here
next to your check book.

Your pencils here
next to the sharpener

and this is for miscellaneous,
writing instruments.

Such as red ink pens
and highlighters.

Oh, gee, thanks, Porky.

I can't tell you how many times

I accidentally jotted
down a message

with the wrong colored pen.

Oh, you poor thing.

Well, my next project
is your hatch.

[humming]

I'm gonna put on some music.

[humming]

Some actual music.

Porky, did you alphabetize
my albums?

Not just alphabetized.
They're also grouped by genre.

'I've got your jazz here,
your classical here'

'and I'm not sure why
you have so much reggae'

but that's all here.

You really have a system
for everything, don't you?

Wait-wait until you see
your linen closet.

Uh, Porky, have you given
any more thought

as to what kind of career
you might want to pursue?

You know, so you can..

Oh, I don't know. I'm really
not sure what I'd be good at.

Well, you went to college.
What's your degree in?

Medieval poetry.

Of course it is.
What about your minor?

- Architecture.
- Well, there you go.

That's somethin'.

Medieval architecture.

So like castles and moats?
That sort of thing?

Mm-hm.

So, not really much demand
for that these days.

Uh-huh.

[instrumental music]

What's that?

It's a papier mache
statue of Gossamer.

Make the kids think of him
as presidential material.

So is this why
we're out of toilet paper?

No, that was a separate incident

and I said I didn't
want to talk about it.

There. I got to paint
this sucker orange.

Do we have any paintbrushes?

Have you checked
the paintbrush drawer?

We have a drawer
just for paintbrushes?

Not that.
That's our tape drawer.

'Unh-unh, no, no, that's
our permanent marker drawer'

not to be confused with the
non-permanent marker drawer

which is just below that.

I hate it! I just hate it!

Whoa! What are you
so worked up about?

I don't know,
I just, it's that pig

and all his perfect
little systems!

[gasps]

Whoops. Can you hand me
a paper towel?

Just leave it.

Look, it's better to have
a mess than to try to figure out

whether to put
the wet paper towel

into the paper recycling bin
or the wet items recycling bin

because then it would be
both paper and wet!

Piggy doesn't have
a system for that!

Man, you got to relax.

Go listen
to some of your reggae.

Oh, dear.

[humming]

Let me just put this in
the wet paper recycling bin.

I guess he does have
a system for that.

Uh, Mr. Duck?

[gasps]

I forgot you were in there.

I need to use the bathroom.
How do I get out of here?

Hmm.

That's a good question.

Let me think about that.

Hello?

[instrumental music]

'Bugs.'

Who in the name of Pancho Villa

has been in my mouse hole?

What are you talking about?

My cheeses.
Someone organized my cheeses.

By color, consistency
and pungency.

And my DVDs!
They've organized them too.

By genre, release date,
and pungency.

You know, pungency, in terms of
how intense the story line is.

How did he even get in there?

- Who?
- Porky.

Porky did this?

Oh, I'm going to have
a word with him.

W-what?

swoosh

I'll tell you what.

I love what you did
with my place!

There's a system for everything
it's so efficient.

Oh! I'm glad you like it.

W-wait until you see what
I have planned for Bugs' garage.

No! I mean, uh..

...you've already done
so much around here.

Isn't there more
you could do for Speedy?

What more could he do for me?
My-my place is perfect.

Uh, well, what about Pizzariba?

Huh.

Well, I'd be happy
to t-take a look around

and see if there's
anything I can do.

Here, let me just put
these groceries away

and we can g-go c-check it out.

swoosh

Gracias,Bugs.

No. Thank you.

Oh, man. I never knew
you had so much reggae.

W-what happened to the pantry?

(Bugs)
'Daffy did it.'

(Daffy)
'If Winnie Yang
is elected president'

school will begin
at 4:30 in the morning

'and go to 9:30 at night.'

Winnie Yang promises
to do away with recess

weekends, and summer vacations!

[tires screeching]

But none of that is true.

Trust me, this is how
you win elections.

'Winnie Yang wants
to only serve broccoli'

'and Brussels sprouts
in the school cafeteria.'

[grunts]

Give me..

[both grunting]

[tires screeching]

Winnie Yang did that!

[instrumental music]

(Porky)
'O-okay, the way you had
things organized before'

you had to run
all over t-the kitchen

just to m-make a pizza.

B-but now, with the ingredient
dispensing system

I've installed, the-the process
is not only fast

it's fully-fully automated.

But remember how you used
to have to get the dough

from the refrigerator,
and then hand roll it?

Well, not anymore.

And n-no more wasted time
opening cans of tomato sauce.

splash

'Have you ever seen such
evenly distributed cheese?'

How about all of your t-toppings
at t-the press of a button?

[instrumental music]

And off it goes, into the oven

l-leaving you more time to spend
out front with your customers.

You're a genius.

B-but I don't understand
why you would even

need a system like this.

Y-you're so fast,
it doesn't even matter

how disorganized things are.

That's true for this restaurant,
but I want to expand.

'I may be fast,
but I can't be in'

'15 different cities
all at once.'

Porky, what do you think
of having me set up

Pizzaribas like this
all across the country?

Oh, I don't know.

I should really be figuring out

what I'm g-gonna do
for a career.

What did you think?
I wasn't going to pay you?

We'll call you Pizzariba's
vice president of, uh..

...kitchen organizing
or something.

I don't know, we'll think
of a good title for you.

[instrumental music]

I was also thinking
of having these new Pizzaribas

look a little different.

You know, maybe like
we come up with a theme.

Like they all look like
little castles or something.

Do you know anything
about medieval architecture?

screech

Well, today's the day.
Election day.

We've run a great campaign.
We've avoided the issues.

Made baseless att*cks
against your opponent

and plagiarized this speech
from the great communicator

Ronald Reagan.

I know it seems heavy on Russia,
but when you say

"Mr. Gorbachev,
tear down that wall!"

There won't be
a dry eye in the house.

Now go in there and get elected,
president.

[dramatic music]

He's gonna do great.

He liked it?

He l-loved it.

Speedy's gonna expand
all across the country

and he wants me to help.

I can't thank you enough, Bugs.

N-none of this
would have happened

if it w-weren't for you.

Huh!
What's with the suitcases?

I b-bought my own house back.

W-what can I say?

Being the Pizzariba's
vice president

of organizational systems
and m-medieval design

the p-pays pretty well.

Well, we're s-still
figuring out my title.

clatter

[school bell rings]

Mr. Duck, Mr. Duck.

You won?

No. I didn't even come close.

Then why on earth are you happy?

Because I had fun.

I always have fun
hanging out with you.

Me too, kid.

And I learned a valuable lesson.

What's that?

It doesn't matter
whether you win or lose

it's having the courage to try.

Huh, I thought you were
gonna say never try

for anything ever unless
you're guaranteed success

but whatever,
as long as you learned a lesson.

- Ugh.
- 'What is it?'

I can't believe Winnie Yang
is president.

- Winnie's not president.
- What?

There was a third candidate.
That's him right there.

Congratulations again, Steve.

Steve? Steve?

I told you we should have
changed your name.

No one ever listens to me.
Not your mom, not Bugs, not you.

Well, you listen
to me sometimes.

Probably not enough though.

You should take notes
while I talk.

You never know when I'm
going
to say something brilliant.

[engine starts]

[instrumental music]

Hola,Cincinnati,
Ohio and bienvenidos

at our grand opening
of our newest Pizzariba.

[crowd applauding]

I couldn't have done this
without you, Pinky.

[all screaming]

Don't worry!
Those aren't real
crocodiles!

chomp chomp

Those aren't
real crocodiles, are they?

[theme music]

What's wrong with reggae?