02x23 - Here Comes the Pig

[bunniefuu]

[panting]

- What is that?
- That's my new runner's watch.

It's got everything.
Tracks how far you've run.

Your heart rate,
calories b*rned.

It's got GPS to tell you
exactly where you are.

And if I ever lose it,
I can pinpoint exactly

where it is on my cell phone.

Huh?

[panting]

How far have we gone?

Uh, 0.04 miles.

What? We've been
jogging forever.

We've been jogging
for 20 seconds.

Does that thing have
a defibrillator?

No. Why?

Because I think
my heart just stopped.

No, wait.

There it is.

I think I'm gonna head home.

No way.
That is too far.

I'd never make it.

Maybe I'll just wait here
till Bugs gets back.

He can carry me. Uh!

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

zip

[gulps]

(Daffy)
'My Lord, Porky.'

What do you have in that thing?

Oh, I don't know, just stuff.

Money, credit card receipts.

Business cards, recipe clippings
and inspiring articles.

Why, what's in your wallet?

The essentials.

ID, credit card, and some cash?

No.
A lone toothpick.

Because I always get something

right back here,
right in this area.

What's that?

Oh, a wedding invitation.

Ooh, who's Becky Hogg?

Eh, just a girl I went
to elementary school with.

The wedding's tonight.
Are you going?

No.
I mean, it's out of town.

Porky, you have to go
to this wedding.

Eeh, but why?

You're obviously in love
with this girl.

Eeh, what? Heh-heh-heh.
No, I'm not.

Then why have you been carrying
this around in your wallet?

I, I-I-I carry everything
in my wallet.

Porky, you're pining over her.

No, I'm not.

It's destiny.

Becky Hogg.

Porky Pig. Hogg, Pig.

- You're meant to be together.
- No, we're not.

I haven't seen her for years.
And she's getting married.

Oh, so you're saying you
have
no feelings for this girl?

Well, I don't know.

We were boyfriend
and girlfriend.

Aa-ha!

Eh, b-but that was third grade.

Yeah, and you haven't
had a girlfriend since.

Becky has invited you
to her wedding for a reason.

She's obviously never
gotten over you.

Don't you see?

She wants you to stop her
from making

the biggest mistake of her life.

Eeh, what are you talking about?

She doesn't want to marry this..

...Brian Patrick Kennedy
the IV.

He sounds like a loser.

Porky, Becky's obviously
the one for you.

This could be your one and only
sh*t at finding true love.

- How would I even get there?
- We'll drive.

If we leave now,
we'll be there in four hours.

- Eh, y-you'd come with me?
- Porky, you're my friend.

I want you to be happy.

Also, I never pass up
a wedding reception.

The passed apps,
the surf n' turf, the bubbly.

That table with all those
gifts on it

where you can take whatever
you want as you're leaving.

Those-those are
wedding presents.

- For the bride and groom.
- I don't think so.

At my cousin's wedding,
I got a blender

a set of china,
and some beautiful linens.

So what do you say, Pork

are we gonna stop a wedding?

I can't believe I'm saying this.

But okay!
L-L-Let's do it.

Mark my words, Porky.

You're gonna find true love.

And me?
I'm gonna find something good.

Like a Belgian waffle maker.

Or a, a juicer.

That's it.
Or more linens.

You can never have
too many linens.

[engine revving]

- 'Where are you going?'
- 'Th-th-the freeway.'

(Daffy)
'No, I gotta make a pit stop.'

Does this look like
something
you'd wear to a wedding?

Yeah, if you're the bride.

Well, it's all I had.

Do you have anything
I could borrow?

The invitation says
formal attire.

Then wear a tuxedo.

Too constricting.

[grunts]

Ooh, can I borrow
your new watch?

It'll make me look important

like I have lots of meetings.

Always have to know
what time it is.

Eeh!

Please?

It's a great way to meet people.

Someone asks if anyone knows
what time it is

I say,
"I do. I'm Daffy Duck."

"It's half passed 12:00.
Nice to meet you."

[horn honks]

Ugh, he's so impatient.

We're easily gonna make it.

Come on, please.
I'll take good care of it.

Alright.

For the record, I think what
you two are doing is idiotic.

But since your idiocy
affords me a glorious weekend

with the house all to myself

you have my full blessing.

Thanks, Bugs.

Ahh!

This is nice.

[sighs]
This is so boring.

I don't know what to do.

Don't forget to check
your heart rate...

[dance music playing]

[turns TV off]

[smacks lips]

- What's up?
- You wanna hang out?

Hang out?
I gotta go to work.

Ever heard of it?
How does he do it?

I'd lose my mind if I just sat
around all day doing nothing.

Hey, man, could you
get the door for me?

I'll call Lola.

[Lola on recorder]
'Hi, this is Lola.'

'I'm either away from my desk
or in a meeting.'

'Wait, that's not true.
I don't have a desk.'

'And I've never actually
been in a meeting, so..'

'But I'm probably doing
something interesting'

'like I'm at the hardware store
or I'm saving someone's life'

'or I'm whale watching.'

'Or maybe I'm being
watched by whales.'

Oh, no, maybe I'm...

[instrumental music]

I'm gonna use the restroom.

Will you get the gas?

[grunts]

Eh, would you mind
not eating in the car?

I-I just got it washed
and I'm trying to keep it clean.

Porky, please.
I'm not a child.

I won't get crumbs everywhere.

Don't worry.

Relax, I'll pick it up.

[sniffs]
Ooh.

That's a real strong
sour cream and onion smell.

Uh-oh, a bunch got into
this little crevice.

Eeh, Daffy, this is why
I asked you not to eat...

Don't worry,
I-I think I can get it.

Let me just put this up here.

What's the point of
this crevice anyway?

It's a terrible car design.

- Ahh!
- My cell phone!

It's fine.

[electricity crackling]

No, it's ruined.

I told you I didn't want
a mess in the car.

It's not my fault.

There are no cup holders.

Eeh, th-th-there's
a cup holder right here.

Who would put their cup there?

No, this is where
you wanna put your cup.

This car was designed by idiots.

You gotta do more research
before you make big purchases

like a car, Porky.

- What the..
- What?

Eh, why is the gas light on?

'I thought you got gas.'

You only gave me
40 bucks, Porky.

That barely covers
snacks and magazines.

And this lottery ticket.

Ahh!
I don't know why I play.

Maybe we should turn around.

We don't know when there's
gonna be another gas station.

Porky, we're not going
backwards. We don't have time.

That light doesn't mean
anything anyway.

You can drive like
two or three hundred miles

with that light.

- A-are you sure?
- I'm positive.

[engine sputtering]

You should have given me
more than 40 bucks, Pork.

- Okay, come on.
- Where are we going?

We gotta walk back
to the gas station and get gas.

Shouldn't one of us
wait with the car?

Eeh, why?

This looks like
a dangerous neighborhood.

Your car will be covered
in graffiti in no time.

Eeh, what are you talking about?

This isn't a bad neighborhood.

Eeh, we're in
the middle of a desert.

You've been living in
the suburbs too long, Porky.

Come on, one of us needs
to stay here and do nothing.

And the other needs to walk
miles and miles

in a 110-degree heat
carrying a heavy can.

And since you did
the hard work of driving

and I was just
sitting next to you

in the passenger's seat
nodding off

it would only make sense..

...that you continue
the hard work.

You know, just so you don't
feel like a quitter.

Oh. Uh, okay.

Pick up the pace, piggy.

We gotta wedding to stop.

Oh, I won.

Strange how it's no more
satisfying than losing.

Oh, I'm so bored.

I gotta get out
and do somethin'.

'Hey, boy, you wanna go
for a walk?'

Huh?

Oh. Yuck.

Aw, come on.

It'll be good for you.

A little exercise.

It'll k*ll some time.

How long does it take a pig
to walk 20 miles

in the middle of the desert?

[gasps]
What if he never comes back?

What if he's road k*ll?

[squawking]

[gulps]
Mother.

My battery's almost dead.

Just enough left
to call Bugs for help.

Wait, first I should quickly
text my vote for last night's

"So You Think You Can
Figure Skate."

[beep]

You're welcome, Demitri.

Okay, now I can call Bugs.

Just gotta keep it short.

[phone rings]

Ugh, where is he?

See, told you this would be fun.

(Bugs on recorder)
'Hi, this is Bugs Bunny.'

'Sorry I'm not available
at the moment'

'but please leave your
full name and number'

'and the reason
for your call.'

'Oh, and the time
and date of your call.'

'And I will get back to you.'

Bugs, it's an emergency.

Oh, sorry.
Bugs, hi, this is Daffy Duck.

And my number is 555-0123.

And... actually I'm calling
for two reasons.

One, don't forget to
text your vote for Demitri

to "So You Think You Can
Figure Skate"

because I'm sick of
the judges falling

for Yuvgane's triple axel.

It's all he does.
He's a one-note wonder.

And, uh, what else?

I feel like there was
a second reason I was calling.

[squawking]

Oh, I remember.

We're stranded in
the middle of the desert.

Porky's wandered off.
He's probably dead.

So get in your car
and come save us.

We're on Highway 247
on the shoulder

next to mile marker 118.

So, Highway 247,
mile marker 118.

Please hurry.

Oh, right, you wanted
the time and date.

It's 2:39 p.m. on August..

[beep]

Ugh, dead battery.

Who designs these phones?

Idiots.

Fine, you were right.

It wasn't fun.

Why did I want
a weekend to myself?

Ooh, someone called.

[squawking]

Maybe this thing has
a game on it or something.

Ahh!

No!

Ugh, now what am I gonna
wear to the wedding?

[whimpering]

- Hey.
- Don't hey me.

I thought you were dead.

What took you so long?

It was nine miles each way.

You really sweat a lot.

Okay, well, that took forever.

Come on, we better hurry.

Gah!

What? I put graffiti on it
so no one else would.

It's called a deterrent, Porky.

Where are they?

[dialling]

(Porky on recorder)
'This is Porky.'

'So sorry I missed your call.'

'I promise to... '

(Daffy on recorder)
'What's up?
This is Double D.'

'You know what to do, fool.'

Ugh, why isn't anyone
picking up their phones?

How am I supposed to find
these nitwits?

My new watch.

There's GPS on the watch.

'I can find out exactly
where they are.'

[beeping]

What are they doing
off the highway?

Well, it's better
than being at home.

[whistling]

[phone beeping]

[dinging]

Huh?

[squawking]

[gulps]

[phone vibrates]

Oh, good, my phone is charged.

Ah, I should send
a quick text to Bugs.

[phone beeps]

"Disregard earlier message.
We're fine.

Back on the road.
No need to come get us."

You've gotta be kidding me.

Also, a buzzard
stole your watch.

Ah!

That's nice.

Where's the highway?
Where is it?

How can I lose a highway?

Oh, I know how I lost a highway.

Because I was looking
at my phone

trying to find a watch
and two nincompoops

instead of paying attention
to my surroundings.

[voice echoing]

Eh, still better
than being at home.

Phew, we made it.
And with time to spare.

Huh, Bugs is so lame.

He doesn't return texts.

And I've sent him good ones.

Look. "We be drivin'.
Where you at?"

- Nothing.
- Can I help you?

Eeh, we're here for
the Kennedy-Hogg wedding.

Ah, yes, that'll be
in Ballroom B

in the west tower of the hotel.

- Uh, great. Thanks.
- Where are you going?

Ballroom B.

Looking like that?

No. We'd like a room.

Daffy, there isn't time.

Porky, look at yourself.

Becky Hogg's not gonna
call off her wedding

for a filthy pig.

You've come too far
to blow it now.

[sighs]

- Maybe you're right.
- Of course, I'm right.

Give me your credit card.

Here you go, one standard room.

Standard?

Go grab us an elevator.

Why don't you bump us up
to the penthouse?

Excuse me.

I hate to bother you

but can you tell me
where the highway is?

Hello?

Hello?

Well, fine, be that way.

Where are you going?

The highway?
Can I go with you?

Where you going?

Well, wait for me!

Uh!

Maybe I'll just take
a little nap.

[wolves howling]

I still can't believe
this is a standard room.

It's so nice.

- How do I look?
- Like a pig in a tuxedo.

So not great.

What if this isn't my destiny?

It is.

Porky, you and Becky
are meant to be together.

It's undeniable.

I mean, come on

you already have
the same last name.

Her last name is Hogg.

Hogg, Pig.
What's the difference?

The universe is doing
everything it can

to bring you two together.

You've got to do
the rest, Porky.

Okay.

Eh, let's do it.

Oh, my, it's about to start.

Wait, first I have to
figure out what I'm gonna wear.

I was really counting
on that watch.

[bell dings]

You're really gonna wear
a hotel bathrobe?

It makes me look relaxed

like I soaked in
the tub for an hour.

You did soak in the tub
for an hour.

[gasps]
They have a spa?

One quick massage.

Daffy, there's no time.

- Eh, we're here.
- You can do it.

Your future is on
the other side of these
doors.

I-I-I don't know.

I think I'm too nervous.
Let's just go.

Look, I'm not letting you
leave here

without the woman
of your dreams.

Stop the wedding!

[all gasp]

You don't love him!

You love Porky.

And Porky loves you!

Huh?

That's not Becky.

You may now kiss the bride.

(male #1)
'Ladies and gentlemen'

'Mr. and Mrs.
Brian Patrick Kennedy the IV.'

[all applaud]

Hi, Porky.
See you at the reception.

Probably should have paid
closer attention

to the time, Porky.

All those stops.

[instrumental music]

They look happy.

I can't believe we were
gonna stop their wedding.

I can't believe
Becky Hogg isn't a pig.

[sighs]

Well, even though it turns out

Becky and I weren't
destined for each other

I still appreciate what you
tried to do for me, Daffy.

You're a good friend.

The love of your life
is out there somewhere,
Porky.

And I promise you
we'll find her.

I don't care how many farms
we have to go to

we will dig through that slop

and we will find you
a female pig.

She doesn't have to be
a pig, you know.

I mean, you have this big theory

that just because I'm a pig

I'm automatically
gonna fall in love

'with the first pig that I..'

[music continues]

I did say mark my words.

[gasps]

Oh! A bread maker!

[music continues]

Any way you could point me
toward the highway?

[clanging]

Beep beep!

[accordion music]

Uh, any way you could
point me toward the highway?

Thanks.

Hmm.

It beats walkin'.

Aw, I miss you, too, Petunia.

I can't believe we met
just yesterday.

It feels like I've
known you forever.

Hah-hah-hah!

Okay, well, I'll call you
when we get home.

Uh, you hang up first.

'No, you hang up.'

- No, you hang up.
- Ugh.

Heh. No, you.

No, you.

I think I liked you better
when you were lonely.

What's that?

[whistling]

I bet it's a UFO.

Is that Bugs?

[groaning]

Why haven't you been
returning my texts?

[theme music]

[music continues]

Four thousand dollars?

For a standard room?