02x25 - Best Friends Redux

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Looney Tunes Show". Aired: May 3, 2011 - November 2, 2013.*
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Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.
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02x25 - Best Friends Redux

Post by bunniefuu »

[instrumental music]

- Oh, new answering machine.
- Yes, and do me a favor.

This time if you don't like
someone's message

just press delete.

'Don't flush it
down the toilet.'

beep

Hi, this is Bugs and Daffy.

'We're not here,
please leave a message.'

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How do you know I'm not here?

Maybe I'm screening the call.

Fine, you leave the message.

Really? Uh! My voice
on the answering machine?

Thanks, Bugs.

[clears throat]
Hello.

Hello?

I can't hear you.

I can't hear anything
you're saying.

Speak up! Louder!

Ha ha ha! Just kidding.

This is an outgoing message
and you just got pranked.

Burn!

Oh, man, think how stupid
everyone will feel

when they call us.

Classic bit, huh?

Oh, yeah, classic.

beep

This is Bugs and Daffy.

We're not here.
Please leave a message.

[theme music]

Eh, thanks for
getting us tickets, Bugs.

Eh, that was an amazing game.

I don't know
what you were watching

but to me, they looked terrible.

They were out of sync,
totally
lackluster, zero energy.

It's like they never had
a single practice.

What are you talking about?
O-our team won.

I'm not talking
about the players

I'm talking about
the cheerleaders.

And I'm sorry, if your
back leg isn't straight

it's not the splits.

beep

(automated message)
'You have one new message.'

(male #1)
'Bugs, what's up, doc?'

- 'It's me, Rodney.'
- Rodney? Who's Rodney?

- Shh.
- 'Hey, long time no talk, man.'

'Listen, you're never
gonna believe it'

'but I'm gonna be
in town tomorrow.'

'Let's get together, alright?'

'It's been too long
since I've seen my best friend.'

- Best friend?
- 'Give me a call back.'

- Oh, who was that?
- Rodney Rabbit.

He's an old friend of mine.

Uh, he seems to think
he's your best friend.

Oh, well, whatever.

Oh, what do you mean whatever?

Either he's your
best friend or he's not.

Best friend.

Daffy, grownups
don't have best friends.

You have a bunch of friends.

Rodney's great, you'll love him.

Eh, wh-what are you doing?

Flushing this thing
down the toilet.

[instrumental music]

Man, Bugs, you
haven't changed a bit.

Eh, so how did you guys meet?

- Summer camp.
- Lame.

- Camp Winninake.
- Ca-Camp Winninake?

I-I went to Camp Winninake.

Oh, really?
I don't remember you there.

What cabin were you in?

We were Cabin Seven, the Sharks.

Oh, Ca-cabin Three,
the Tadpoles.

No-none of us could swim, so we
did a lot of inside activities.

Ooh, man, I remember
the first day of camp.

I didn't even want to
get off the bus.

But then I met Bugs
and we became best friends.

Ugh.

So how did you two meet?

- Oh, well, we met at the...
- Just let me tell it, Bugs.

You always tell it wrong.

We met during the w*r.

I was in the Navy.

A young captain
stationed on a submarine.

Captain, may I introduce
the new co-captain.

- Bugs Bunny.
- Daffy Duck.

What was that?

[siren blaring]

- Giant sea turtle!
- Giant sea turtle!

♪ Underwater team
in a submarine ♪

And we've been
best friends ever since.

That's a television show.

We met at the post office.

In fact, I remember
I was mailing you a letter.

[instrumental music]

Hey, man, you got a stamp?

Uh, sure.

What else you got?

And he just kind of
never went away.

- Hmph!
- Oh, hey, Bugs.

Remember that time
we were at the beach

trying to look all cool

and that giant wave
knocked us over?

[both laughing]

Remember that time we tried
to sneak into the rodeo

and we got chased by that bull?

[both laughing]

Remember that time
those two guys

were talking about stuff
that nobody cared about?

- Huh?
- Nothing.

Porky and I have to go
to the bathroom.

I, eh, d-don't have to go
to the bathroom.

Hey!

Now you do.

Unbelievable, that guy.

Eh, uh, Rodney?

I think he's nice.

Not Rodney Rodney's nothing.

Rodney's less than nothing.

I'm talking about Bugs.

He obviously considers
Rodney his best friend.

Who knows if I'm even
his second best friend.

For all I know,
I'm his third best friend.

I gotta do something
about this, fast.

Eh, so i-if Bugs
is your best friend

who's your second best friend?

Tina.

Oh. Uh..

Third best friend,
Big Fat Rooster.

Fourth, Speedy.

Fifth, a tie between
Pete the Puma

and Marvin the Martian.

I-I'm sixth?

No, Carl is sixth.

Who's Carl?

I don't know, some dude
I met in the Phoenix airport.

But you're definitely
my seventh best friend.

Oh, um, pardon me.

Well, that was
unexpectedly polite.

You know what,
that guy is seventh.

You're eighth.

No, wait, Granny is eighth.

You're ninth, ooh, barely
in the top ten, Porky.

I'm surprised
we hang out at all.

But keep trying,
anything's possible.

[instrumental music]

Hey, Bugs, who am I?

"Hey, can I borrow your towel?"

[both laughing]

Oh!

Sorry, Daffy, inside joke.

[telephone ringing]

Hey, will you get that?

Ha ha ha!

Will you get that?
Ho ho!

That's hilarious!

Sorry, Rodney,
you wouldn't get it.

Ha ha ha!

It's an inside joke
between me and Bugs.

We got a ton of them.

[telephone ringing]

- Hello?
- 'Hey, it's Porky.'

(Porky)
'You said to call
when I was out front.'

Uh, I'm getting the mail.

Daffy reminds me of someone.

I've never met anybody
remotely like him.

Wh-why'd you wanna talk
to me in my car?

Because we need
to speak privately

about a very delicate matter.

I need you to help me
get rid of Rodney.

You mean m-m-m*rder?

What? No.

I'm gonna make Bugs jealous

by pretending
that you and I are best friends

so that he'll dump Rodney
and make me his best friend.

Or I guess we could go
with your m*rder idea.

I am not m-murdering anyone.

Well, don't make me
feel weird about it

you brought it up.

Eh, why do you want
my help anyway? What about Tina?

Or the-the seven
other friends above me?

Porky, Porky, look.

If you help me do this

I promise I will make you
my fifth best friend.

That's a big jump.

And think about it,
if Bugs, Tina

Big Fat Rooster and Speedy

ever get abducted by an alien
then you would

automatically
become my best friend.

Unless the alien was super cool

then he'd be number one
and you'd be number two.

Which is still miles above
where you are now.

Okay, I'll do it.

That's why you're
my ninth best friend.

Ha ha ha!

- So w-what's the plan?
- It's very simple.

I'm going to use my patented

b*mb, hook and hammer.

Eh, what's the b*mb,
hook and hammer?

Uh, I happen to know
that Bugs and Rodney

are going to the movies
this afternoon.

And if I know Bugs, and I do,
because I'm his best friend

he'll ask if I'd like
to tag along.

And this is where
I will drop the b*mb.

I will say no.

I'll tell him that I can't
join them at the movies

because I have other plans.

The hook.

Eh, what plans?

I'll tell them that
I'm already going to the movies

with my best friend, Porky Pig.

The hammer.

Bugs will be so jealous,
he'll kick Rodney to the curb

and beg me to be
his best friend.

It's foolproof.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, hey, Rodney and I
are going to the movies.

You wanna come?

No.

Okay.

[car engine revving]

I'd hate to be in that car
when that b*mb goes off.

Any second that b*mb's
gonna go off

and he's gonna slam
on the brakes

throw it in reverse and plead
for me to take him back.

It's gonna be
so embarrassing for him.

(Daffy)
'Oh! There go the brakes.'

'Nope, driving on.'

But the b*mb will go off.

We just have to wait.

woof woof

Uh, I think I'm gonna go home.

(Daffy)
'Any second.'

[car engine revving]

Hey, Granny, lemme know
if a b*mb goes off.

I'm gonna watch some TV.

[door closing]

Ooh, my show.

Admiral Craddleberg is
dropping depth chargers on us.

But we're allies,
he's supposed to be our friend.

boom

Oh!

boom

Captain, we're
running out of air.

This is the end. Urgh.

- Wait, the time vortex.
- Huh?

Of course, the time vortex.

We could go back in time
to before the att*ck.

No, no, we'll go back
even further than that.

We'll go back to before we ever

even met Admiral Craddleberg.

That's it, I'll go back in time

and stop Bugs and Rodney
from meeting in the first place.

It's so simple.

All I need is a time vortex.

Well, what do you think

I keep a time vortex
in my closet?

Well, I don't.

It's in my garage.

And you aren't allowed
to use it.

Now, just get on out of here.

Messin' around with time travel
is serious business

'especially for
a fool like you.'

Psst!

Oh, lord, speak of the time.

I'm gonna be late
for the PTA meeting.

Mmm, no time to take
the Minivan.

[instrumental music]

I wonder how long
the average PTA meeting is.

I'll fix this window
when I get back.

Whoa!

Maybe the witch is right.

Maybe I shouldn't
get involved with time
travel.

I mean, how does it even work?

What do I do, just tell it

to send me back in time
to the moment

before Bugs and Rodney meet?

It can't be that simple.

Aah!

Aah!

Unh!

Where am I?

(Daffy)
'Camp Winninake!'

This is when Bugs
and Rodney first meet.

(Daffy)
'Is that Bugs?'

Eh, what's up, doc?

That's Bugs.

Bugs Bunny?

You're in Cabin Seven,
the Sharks.

Now, where's that
little home wrecker Rodney?

Huh?

Ah-ha!

- Are you Rodney Rabbit?
- Yes.

I'm the camp director,
Chuck Winninake.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Wh-what is it?

Well, unfortunately,
we're overbooked.

What does that mean?

It means there's no room
for anymore campers.

Sorry for the mix-up, kid,
but it looks like

you're gonna have to turn around
and go back home.

[bus engine revving]

Have a good summer!

Away from Bugs Bunny.

Now, where's that time vortex?

S-Sir? S-Sir!

C-Can you help me find my cabin?

Sir?

(Porky)
'Is-s th-this Cabin Three?'


[gasps]
Porky?

Where are the other camp halls?

But..

Is this Cabin Three?

Just go knock on the door.

screech screech

H-Hello.

Hi.

What's your name?

Eh, P-Porky. What's yours?

Eh, P-Porky.

Hey, what's up, doc?

Excuse me?

What do you want to do today?

Movies, grab some lunch?

I'm sorry, do I know you?

Ha ha. It's me, Daffy.

Daffy Duck.

Your best friend.

I think you have me
confused with someone else.

I've never seen you
before in my life.

How is this possible?

I made it so Bugs
doesn't know Rodney

but why doesn't he know me?

Granny! You know me, right?

It's me, Daffy.

Yosemite!

What's going on?

What happened?

(Witch Lezah)
'I'll tell you what happened.'

You broke into my garage
and messed with my time vortex.

You know me?

Child, I'm not
a witch for nothing.

Come with me.

So what you're saying is
if Bugs didn't ever meet Rodney

then he wouldn't have gone
to the post office

to mail him a letter.

And if he didn't go
to the post office

to mail him a letter..

That's right,
you don't ever meet Bugs.

So you got to undo
what you done.

Or redo what you didn't do.

You mess with time,
it all gets so confusing.

Uh!

Huh!

Okay, where are they?

There's Bugs.
Where's Rodney?

vroom vroom

Oh, no, I'm too late.

Stop! Stop!

[dramatic music]

growl

[dramatic music]

Stop!

Mr. Winninake?

Call me Chuck.

There was a clerical error.

Turns out there
is room at the camp.

You're in Cabin Seven.

You're a shark.

Actually, I don't think
I want to go to camp.

Is it okay if I just go home?

No! I mean, you can't.

I didn't really wanna go
to camp in the first place.

I don't know anyone here.
I don't have any friends.

You don't yet, but you will.

In fact, I can guarantee
that you're about to meet

a really great friend.

Will he be my best friend?

You know, it's funny.

Grown-ups don't have
best friends.

You're friends with
a bunch of people.

And the more you have,
the better.

[instrumental music]

By the way, I lied.

Grown-ups do have best friends
and he's gonna be mine!

The carrot peeler
paid for all of this?

Man, I gotta invent something.

Bugs! Bugs!

Uh, Bugs.

I'm so happy to see you.

And, Rodney, get in here.

I'm just so glad
you guys are friends.

Uh, do I know you?

Oh, no, no,
it still didn't work.

Well, I've just never
seen you act this nice before.

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, wait a second.

I know who you remind me of.

Our camp director,
Chuck Winninake.

Chuck Winninake?

Our camp director
was Edward Hart.

What? No! You remember him?

Chuck Winninake,
he looked just like Daffy.

I don't remember that.

Uh, you know what?

What do you say we just
enjoy the present, huh?

Let the past stay in the past.

[gasps]
Little Porky.

[instrumental music]

♪ Well long eared drifter
ridin' cross the plain ♪

♪ Nobody'd ever seen him
nobody knew his name ♪

♪ When he stormed into town ♪

♪ And reached for
some filtered water ♪

♪ And come carrot nibblers ♪

♪ Well a pretty little filly
stopped the stranger ♪

♪ And she said
step into my saloon ♪

♪ And rest your weary head ♪

♪ But the stranger just
shook his head and said ♪

♪ I'll have a nicoise salad ♪

♪ 'Cause there's good carbs
and bad carbs ♪

♪ And every cowboy knows ♪

♪ The carbs from fruits
and vegetables ♪

♪ Will help you
fit your clothes ♪

♪ Speakin' of which
I'm gonna need ♪

♪ Some more carrot nibblers ♪

♪ Then he saw Black Bart
standin' in the sunrise ♪

♪ He had gristle in his teeth
and diabetes in his eyes ♪

♪ And he said Bart
you and me's gonna square off ♪

♪ Over a yogurt parfait ♪

♪ But Bart scooped up the woman
and he took off ridin' hard ♪

♪ He took her to a taco stand ♪

♪ That makes
everything with lard ♪

♪ He ordered 16 tacos made
with b*ll*ts beef and flour ♪

♪ He said girl you're gonna eat
these even if it takes an hour ♪

♪ Well that's when that old
stranger came riding up fast ♪

♪ He dismounted his pony
and took a sh*t of wheatgrass ♪

♪ This taco party's over
said the stranger with a drawl ♪

♪ You eat that junk you'll
Jack up your bad cholesterol ♪

♪ And one more thing buddy ♪

♪ You forgot your parfait ♪

♪ 'Cause when
you're fighting evil ♪

♪ Every healthy cowboy knows ♪

♪ You gotta keep your blood
sugar from getting too low ♪

♪ 'Cause if you don't
you better know Joe ♪

♪ You're gonna get real sleepy ♪

♪ Well Bart just laughed and
said I don't need that trash ♪

♪ I live on steak and ice cream
corned beef hash ♪

♪ And I'd mow you down
right now ♪

♪ If I wasn't feelin'
so sluggish ♪

♪ The stranger pushed
that parfait towards him ♪

♪ And he stared Bart down ♪

♪ And a hush and a chill
fell across the town ♪

♪ And everybody froze
as Bart reached ♪

♪ And took a bite
of his parfait ♪

♪ Well Bart's cheeks
got rosy ♪

♪ And his hair regained
its sheen ♪

♪ He said it's my sugar intake
that's been making me so mean ♪

♪ Speakin' of which
stranger won't you share ♪

♪ Some of those
carrot nibblers ♪

♪ And now two cowboys ride
across that dusty land ♪

♪ Vanquishing darkness
and eating oat bran ♪

♪ And one thing
you better understand man ♪

♪ They hardly ever get sleepy ♪

♪ They also enjoy stir-fry ♪

♪ They carefully control
their portions ♪

♪ And they keep food journals ♪

♪ And they share
their nibblers ♪

♪ Healthy cowboys ♪

Well, this is it.

But which one's m-my cabin?

They're right over there.

(Porky)
'You're a tadpole.'

Wait. No, you're over there.

Cabin seven, the Sharks.

No, I'm not.
I mean, no, he's not.

You're gonna be
with the cool kids.

I am?

You can do it.

Who knows, maybe one day
you'll grow up

to be my second best friend.

Hi.

Uh, t-thanks, Daffy.

I l-like being your
second best friend.

You know, now that
I think about it

it was pretty nice of the witch
to let me use her time vortex.

Yeah, I probably should
make her my second best friend.

Kidding!

Ha ha ha!

[theme music]

[music continues]

(all)
That's all folks!
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