04x04 - Miss Conception

[bunniefuu]

Previously on felicity...

I am not comfortable,
and neither is your mother,

Subsidizing this lifestyle.

Fine. I don't want you to pay.

- I'll pay for this myself.
- That's not what I'm saying.

It's what I'm saying.

"Sunrise surprise beauty pageant.
- $10,000."

I guess that if I don't annul
my marriage to sean, I'm cut off.

Are you serious?

Don't tell sean.

I cheated on ben.

With noel.

He doesn't know.

What are you doing in there?

I'm just getting dressed.

Hurry up. I gotta
do you a makeover.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Okay, no.

Why? I like this one.

This is a beauty pageant,
not the olympic trials.

You gotta wear a stringy number.

- No, I don't wanna wear
anything stringy.
- Hey!

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

- She's a contestant...
- Javier.

In the miss sunrise
surprise beauty pageant.

You would have
told her eventually.

- Don't tell anyone. Please?
- You are in a beauty pageant?

It's my last chance
for scholarship money.

The only reason I'm doing it is
because there's an academic prize.

Oh, my god!

Seriously, though,
this is okay, right?

Do you have something
a little more...

- Stringy?
- Yeah, stringy.

Stringy.

I'll look for something
a little more stringy.

♪ Can you become

♪ Can you become

♪ A new version of you

♪ New wallpaper

♪ New shoe leather

♪ A new way home

♪ I don't remember

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me ♪

I'm sure you've all
had an opportunity

To review your
orientation packets,

So you know that you
have only three days

To learn the opening number.

Which means, apart from
our regular rehearsals,

I strongly suggest that
you practice at home.

Also, don't forget we have
a photo sh**t at 11:00 sharp.

It's for promotional purposes,
so hair and makeup will be provided.

Wow.

Yeah, it's really different.

Huh? The colors really
make your features pop.

Yeah.

And I'm telling you, a little
dab of hemorrhoidal cream

Around the eyes gets
rid of the puffiness.

They... Oh, thank you.

I'm gonna go work
on some other girls.

- Holler if you need anything.
- Okay.

You are beautiful!

Oh, my god.

Hey.

- They go
a little overboard, huh?
- Yeah. I mean,

I've never been this
made-up in my life.

Next time, tell 'em, no hairspray,
easy on the eye shadow.

'Cause they love that stuff.

I'm sarah.

I'm felicity.

Have you been in one
of these things before?

One? Try eight.

- Really?
- Yeah.

It's great for me. I'm a
singer, so it's great exposure.

Oh.

I haven't been in one, so if
you have words of wisdom...

Excuse me.

I think this is my hairbrush.

I'm sorry. It was
just sitting on the...

This happened to me at miss empire
state. I never saw my conair defuser again.

She said she was sorry.

I have to waste 20 minutes
cleaning out your hair.

Hi. Have you seen felic...

- What they do to you?
- I don't know.

See you at the photo sh**t.

- All right. Nice to meet you.
- Same here.

Now, don't get too close to
these girls. They're K*llers.

She was actually nice.

You know I love you, but you are
so gullible, you're like a sea bird.

I scooped out the entire area,

And you are the most
gorgeous one by a million miles.

Except for this set decorator,
who's like this adonis...

Javier.

I'm just looking.

The point is, you are going
to take home the crown.

We just have to do
something about this hair.

If elvis were alive, believe
me, you'd be living in graceland.

It's unusual for me to be
doing this for a graduate.

I usually only work
with current students,

Being the school
guidance counselor.

I know, and I appreciate it.

I just... I didn't know
what else to do.

Outstanding g.p.a.

Lot of extracurricular.

- Oh, you were an r.a.
- Yeah, yeah, I was an r.a.

"Loser pet store."

That's funny. Why
don't you have a job?

Uh, well the dot-com
industry tanked,

And it took down
computer graphics with it.

I just need a lead, or a
tip or something, to help.

You know, people always
need help, mr. Crane.

Yeah.

Well, that's... Yeah,
that's sort of why I'm here.

No, I mean help as in guidance.

Counsel.

I'm leaving, and
this job is wide open.

You're offering me your job?

Full medical, pay's not bad, and there's
no boss looking over your shoulder.

This chair is a hot
seat of opportunities.

Every job that comes in,
you're the first to hear about it.

Isn't that a
conflict of interest?

How great that you're putting
the students ahead of yourself.

I used to do that.

When I told you we were
cutting you off from the family,

I meant entirely...
Personally and financially.

I don't understand.

You know sean. You like him.

He has his own
charm, that's true.

- But what does he do all day?
- I don't know. Things.

Stuff, i... He has a great
idea for a shrimp restaurant.

Restaurants are money pits, and
shrimp's packed with cholesterol.

It's worse than duck.

Fine. He'll think of something
else. He always does.

Honey, I know right now these
schemes are fun and amusing.

But ten years from now,

All your friends will be married to
successful lawyers and businessmen,

And you'll be with this guy who's trying
to come up with the next can opener.

Speaking of successful lawyers, I
ran into john eisendrath last week.

Dad...

He's been hired as an
associate at patterson-belnap.

He gave me his card. Call him.

Dad, I'm married now.
Sean is my husband.

You don't have to
decide right away.

Take a little time.
Think about it.

Make sure this is
what you want...

That you're ready to
make this kind of a sacrifice.

Then let me know.

Okay, the interview portion is
40%, which you'll ace for sure,

And then the
talent portion is 30%.

Do you know what
you're gonna do?

- What was that?
- Hey.

I thought this was
important to you.

It is. I just...

I have a lot going on right now.
Makes school seem less important.

What are you talking about?

I'm late.

Do you mean what
I think you mean?

Mm-hm.

Well, maybe it's just stress.

I don't think so.

Did you take a pregnancy test?

I bought one
yesterday. I just...

I'm just too afraid to take it.

Why don't you take it now?

I mean, not knowing
is the hardest part.

And I'm here for support.

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Mix it up, baby!

What are you doing?

I'm working on a new
shrimp dish, for retail sale.

That's what you did
all day? Blend shrimp?

It's shrimp yogurt.

I got the greatest idea
last night at the market.

I realized there are no
savory flavors of yogurt.

They got strawberry,
cherry, vanilla.

But no shrimp... Yet.

Shrimp is a terrible idea.

It's full of cholesterol,
and it's the duck of the sea.

Okay. Uh, what's your problem?

Nothing. I hope ten
years from now,

You're not hunched over the
kitchen counter blending shrimp.

I won't be. If this doesn't
hit, I got zillions of ideas.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Good. Good.

Write ten of them down.
We'll go over them tomorrow.

Wait. Is this the way our
marriage is gonna be now?

- Me writing out lists for you?
- Yeah, marriage is partnership.

I'm gonna be more involved now.

Get used to it.

Are you all right?

Felicity?

It's positive.

Those tests are not 100%.

Uh, they're pretty close.

You did use protection, right?

Yeah, yes.

Then the chances are miniscule.

You can't panic. You
gotta take a blood test.

That's the only way
that you can be sure.

Oh... I'm not ready for this.

I know, but you're not alone.

No matter... No
matter what happens,

We're all here for you,
and I'm sure ben will be...

I'm not gonna tell him yet.

He has enough going
on now without this.

So don't say anything, okay?

Yeah, sure.

- Do you promise?
- I promise.

I wonder if the pageant has a
category for pregnant women.

What's the matter?

I'm just... I'm an idiot.

Yesterday was the deadline
to drop classes, and I forgot.

So they still think
I'm taking classes

I signed up for last
year before I was premed.

I'm sure if you go to the registrar's
office and beg, they'll understand.

Yeah, I hope so. Am I
gonna see you tonight?

Tonight's actually
not that great for me.

Oh. Okay.

I know I've been saying that to
you a lot, but there is a reason.

What's the reason?

You can't laugh.

I'm not gonna laugh.

The next few days
are gonna be crazy,

Because I'm in a beauty pageant.

I'm sorry. What was that?

Yeah. I'm in a beauty pageant.

You're in a beauty pageant?

All the other
scholarships were taken.

It was the last one. All
the deadlines were passed.

Sorry for laughing. I'm having
a little trouble imagining it.

Yeah, I know, believe me.

But the winner gets
$10,000, which is a big deal.

Not that I'm gonna
win, but you know.

You could win. You could.

Please.

There's an academic portion
for $3,000, though. So I thought...

Yeah, well, could
I come watch you?

No!

I'm embarrassed enough already.

I'm sorry for laughing, but you
don't have to be embarrassed.

You can tell me
these things. You can.

No, I know.

Just one last
autograph for uncle sam.

I can drop these
off on my way out.

Doesn't anyone need
to approve me, or...

Nope. Picking your replacement
is the last perk of the job.

Oh. Okay. Good to know.

Uh, I think we've
gone over everything.

But if you have any questions, the
answers can be found somewhere in there.

You know, dealing
with schedule changes,

Housing issues.

Filling t.a. Positions.

Oh. Art 10 needs somebody.
You should get on that.

Art 10. Okay. Sure.

Hey.

Meet your new
guidance counselor.

Are you serious?

Yeah, mr. Norman was kind
enough to offer me his job.

Kindness had
nothing to do with it.

It's just till I find
something else.

- Okay.
- Okay, good luck.

You're leaving?

My work is done.
It's all yours now.

Okay. Uh, all right.

I gotta drop some classes.

Drop some classes.

Um...

And when can I get
the results back?

They'll be ready tomorrow.
You can pick them up at any time.

Actually, I can't
tomorrow. I'm in...

A beauty pageant.

Really?

Okay, here you
go. Sign right here.

And bring this back
in when you come in,

And I'll get you some literature
you can look over tonight.

Maybe when you come back,
you can bring your boyfriend,

And we can discuss your options.

Actually, I'm kind of going
through this on my own.

Okay.

It's not an elongated stride.

Yet it's not a
short stride, either.

Remember, girls,

This is about poise and polish,

Not bump and grind.

Okay, who wants to try it?

Come on.

So, what are you
doing for your talent?

Uh, I haven't decided yet.

That's okay.

Wait. You haven't
picked your talent yet?

You do realize it's 30%
of your score, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah, I know that.

Guess I know where
my competition isn't.

Excuse me. Do you
have a problem with me?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Because I haven't
done anything to you.

And if you really want to
know, I'm dancing. I'm a dancer.

All of a sudden you're a dancer.

Actually, she's a great dancer.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I've been doing it since I
was ten, so I guess I'm good.

Yeah, she's won lots
of big, big awards.

Mm-hm.

Whatever.

I know you said ignore her,
but it's getting really hard.

I understand.

Last year, at the miss
coney island pageant,

She put menthol
cream in my bathing suit.

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

And believe me, the package
lied. It's not soothing or relieving.

So, are you really a dancer?

I have no idea. I haven't
done it since I was ten.

Well, I would think that it's like
riding a bike. You never forget.

Yeah, it better be.

She makes me sick.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god.

Sorry. I didn't
mean to scare you.

I came by to fix
elena's computer.

- Yeah.
- It's crashing, so...

You're a good dancer.
I've never seen you dance.

- You're really good.
- Yeah, noel...

So, you're doing this
pageant thing, huh?

- Yeah.
- Elena told me that.

You all right? What's going on?

Um...

I can't talk about it.

Look, I know that things
have been difficult.

But... But what
happened between us is...

It's over. Okay,
it's in the past.

So just...

Noel, it's more
complicated than that.

Okay.

I think I may be pregnant.

I'm still waiting for the results
from the blood test, but...

The home test was positive.

I haven't told ben yet.

Okay. And you're
telling me because...

Well, because you
think that i-it could be...

Yeah.

Felicity, I'm so sorry.

Noel, you should be
looking at my computer.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to interrupt.

Can I look at it later?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Then I'll, um...

I'll call you.

Okay.

Bye.

- Are you guys okay?
- Yeah.

You told him what's going on?

Mm-hm.

- You want to talk about it?
- No.

Oh, my god.

Strawberry.

Strawberry.

- Strawberry. No, vanilla.
- Charity work.

Taking yoga so I can keep
myself centered and balanced.

Charity work.

To keep myself
centered and balanced.

- Charity work.
- For me, it's all
about the children.

If we can't make this
world a better place...

For the next generation,

Then we haven't fulfilled
our responsibilities...

As citizens of the earth.

Or any planet.

I can't believe this.

I know. She's so good.

I'd have to say rocky road.

Joseph told me no matter what
they ask, give them a safe answer.

Don't offend anyone.

They're talking about ice cream.

Okay, then say vanilla.

They want to see if
you can speak in public.

They don't want a miss sunrise
that drools when she talks.

Then it doesn't
matter what I say.

Okay. Say whatever
you want to say.

Then when it's all over, you can call
your daddy and ask him for the money.

Fine. Safe answers.

Felicity porter.

- Oh god.
- Good luck.

Break your legs.

I'd be an oak tree.

They're strong, and they
have a lot of character.

And they're always changing.
At least, their leaves are.

And they're growing.

Miss porter, what are
your plans for the future?

Specifically, how do you see
yourself in the next five years?

Um, well, I'm an artist.

Uh, at least that's
what I'm trying to be.

So, it's kind of hard to know
exactly what I'll be doing...

In the next five years.

I mean, that's something that I've
sort of been struggling with recently.

I mean, I never thought
I'd be here, like this.

Could you be a
little more specific?

No, I can't. I'm sorry.

- Okay. Thank you, miss porter.
- Thank you.

Samantha wells.

- You were great!
- I blew it.

No, don't be silly. No,
they'll respect your honesty.

Okay, maybe not. But
we still have a chance.

All the big events
are coming up.

All you need is a good
night's beauty sleep,

And tomorrow's bathing suit and
evening gown competitions are ours.

And yours.

Okay, it's a lucite,
over-the-head reading table.

There you are, just laying
there, reading books,

On your back, in bed.

Look at that. Huh?

You know? No sore shoulder,
no leaning on your elbow.

Okay.

A restaurant. I got a restaurant
called before and after.

We only serve
appetizers and desserts.

For those specialty occas...

Like the short quick dates.

Yeah.

- No?
- It's good.

Yeah, oh, yeah.
Here's a great one.

It's a combination
sleep mask/alarm clock.

Okay, every mask has its
own personal alarm in it.

So, you're just
laying in bed, right?

And b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b...

That's your face going off.

You're not bothering the
person next to you. You're just...

Oh! Time to get up.

Okay, listen. You
asked me for ten ideas,

And I gave you more than that.

Why are you being so critical?

I'm not being critical. I'm being
discerning. I mean, I have to be.

If I'm gonna make
this huge sacrifice,

I have to make sure
it's not a mistake.

Did you call me a sacrifice and
a mistake in the same sentence?

If I can remind you, getting
married was your idea.

Yes, it was. It's just that...

I'm giving up a
lot to be with you.

What do you mean?

Nothing. Forget it.

No, not "nothing."
What does that mean?

It's nothing. It's
stupid, anyway.

Meghan, what does that mean?

It's nothing. It's just
that my parents...

Threatened to cut me out
of the family in every way

If I don't end this marriage.

Ah.

Um, I can't believe you didn't
tell me about this before.

Am I supposed to tell you my dad
wants me to be with john eisendrath?

Who's john eisendrath?

This dorky guy my dad's been
trying to fix me up with forever.

His dad plays golf with my dad.

I'm... I mean, I kind of thought
your parents liked me.

The point is,

My dad thinks I'm
making a mistake.

Is that what you think?

Hey.

Hey.

I missed you last night.

Yeah, I had to stay
late at the pageant,

And now I got to leave
again for rehearsal.

Is that the pageant I'm
not allowed to go to?

Yeah, I don't want anyone
there. It's embarrassing.

Okay.

I gotta go.

- Can I stay and do my lab?
- Of course you can.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Bye. Good luck.
- Thanks.

♪ There's been a
load of compromising

♪ On the road to my horizon

♪ But I'm gonna be where
the lights are shining on me

♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy

♪ Riding out on a horse
in a star-spangled rodeo

♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy

♪ Getting cards and letters
from people I don't even know

Ladies, ladies, I'm seeing some
tired faces out here, all right?

Remember, no matter
what is going on inside,

A beauty queen always smiles.

Always smile.

Good girl.

All right, from the top.

- All right, girls. That's nice.
- Where are we going?

These things are like life.

Sometimes you have to
cause a little trouble

In order to get things done.

We're gonna get caught.

Come on. Don't you think
she deserves the power

Of the mentholated,
fast, effective relief?

Yes.

Yes!

- Hey, man.
- Hey.

I didn't know you
came down here.

Yeah, i... I usually don't. I
just had a lot on my mind.

Mind if I sh**t with you?

No. Go ahead.

Nice. Here.

I would pay to see her
when she puts on that suit.

I can't believe
we just did that.

You got to admit, though,
you had a little fun.

Okay, fine.

- I had a little bit of fun.
- Thank you.

So, who's coming tonight?

What do you mean?

Well, who'd you invite? My
entire family's gonna be here.

Oh, no, my family's
in california.

Oh.

What about friends?

I didn't invite any friends.

Well, at least your boyfriend will
get to see you in your cowgirl getup.

Actually, I didn't
invite him, either.

Why?

I guess I'm just embarrassed.

Yeah, well, I think that's
why you need him here.

Someone to be with
you, root you on.

My family will be here cheering
their butts off, and it's gonna be fun.

But that's just me.

No, I know what you mean.

It's just, uh...

You know that guy in high school

Who's like the most
popular guy on campus?

- Of course. I hate that guy.
- That's my boyfriend.

- No?
- Literally. He was
voted most popular.

It's not that I hate the person.

I hate the concept.
Like a beauty queen.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.
- Yeah.

It's just... I wasn't
popular at all.

And...

Even though we've
changed a lot since then,

It always still kind of
feels like high school.

Like, I'm waiting for him
to realize who I really am,

And once he does,

He won't want me anymore.

Yeah.

I guess that's why
I didn't invite him.

I don't want him to not want me.

Well, look.

Just remember. No matter
what you feel inside,

A beauty queen always smiles.

- Nice sh*t.
- Thanks.

Thanks for sticking
around by the way.

Yeah, I'm having fun.

- I just had to
get out of there.
- Why? What's going on?

Just got all that chemistry
stuff and the drop/add stuff.

I'll take care of
the drop/add stuff.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Thanks, man.

- It's actually more than that.
- Yeah? What's going on?

Ah...

Felicity might be pregnant.

She told you?

No, I found an invoice.

Oh.

Did she tell you?

No. No.

She did tell you, didn't she?

Why would she tell you?

I don't know. I guess
'cause we're friends.

I'm gonna go find her. I
gotta go talk to her. Okay?

See you in a bit.

Okay, who did this?

Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen...

Excuse me. Have you
seen felicity porter?

Okay, thanks.

- Hey, I gotta talk to you.
- What are you doing here?

Are you pregnant?

Are you?

I don't know. I have
to go to the clinic.

How do you know that?

I found a form in your
room, and I heard it from noel.

Ben, I'm sorry.

I don't understand
why you didn't tell me.

I know. I should have. I
absolutely should have.

I just... I panicked. I mean...

You have so much
going on right now, and...

I didn't want to
bother you, and...

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

- All right. I'm gonna go now.
- Ben, will you stay?

I don't know. You're not
gonna be too embarrassed?

Yes, I'm gonna be
incredibly embarrassed.

But it'll make me feel
better if you stay.

Please?

Okay.

Okay, now go. Go.

Bring home the crown!

Hi, benjamin.

Hi. I'm marybeth allen
from hofstra university.

Hello. I'm sarah robinson
from the juilliard school.

Hi. I'm diane migliore
from columbia university.

Hi. I'm felicity porter from
the university of new york.

Just so you know,

You have no chance.

Really? Well, let me tell
you something, little girl.

You are going down.

We'll see.

♪ My heart's on fire with desire

♪ Every time I see you

♪ My heart's on fire
'cause you inspire

♪ Love at its utmost

♪ You're what I need the most

- ♪ I'm ready for
the test - I'm on fire!

♪ I'll show you my best

♪ I'm only human anyway -

♪ I'm yours always ♪

♪ I believe the
children are our future

♪ Teach them well and
let them lead the way

♪ Show them all the
beauty they possess inside

♪ Give them a sense of pride

♪ To make it easier

♪ Let the children's laughter

♪ Remind us how we used to be

♪ Everybody's
searching for a hero

♪ People need
someone to look up to

♪ I never found anyone
who fulfilled my needs

♪ A lonely place...

And the award for swimsuit
competition goes to...

Marybeth allen.

Congratulations. Good job.

Best evening wear goes to...

Felicity porter.

Congratulations, felicity.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

And the award for academic
excellence goes to...

Rachel newstat.

- Congratulations, rachel.
- Thank you. Thanks.

And now for our
final two awards,

The first runner-up and
miss sunrise surprise 2001.

Our first runner-up is...

Sarah robinson.

Congratulations, sarah.

Thank you.

And the winner of the 2001
miss sunrise surprise pageant

And the $10,000 scholarship

Is miss...

Denise jensen!

Congratulations, denise!

Oh! You were fantastic!

Very good. Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- You look great, though.

Oh. Who is that?

Hey.

Best evening gown.

You got a $200 gift certificate
to the wiz. That's good.

It is.

You want to hear
the better news?

Yeah. What?

I'm not pregnant.

Yeah, that is the better news.

What did you do?
Call the clinic?

I didn't have to.

- I got my period.
- Oh.

That's good.

Hey, I know I already
said this, but I'm sorry.

And I'm glad you stayed.

Glad I stayed, too.

For your information, there
are two types of cholesterol.

Hdl and ldl.

Okay, one's good. It actually cleans
out the bad, and shrimp's got both.

This isn't about shrimp.

No. You should have
defended me to your dad.

I did defend you.

I may not be some attorney,
but I have ideas, hundreds,

And they don't all have to work.

It's like marriage. All you
need to do is find the right one.

Right. But you
can't wait around.

I mean, some people never
stumble on the right one.

Well, I have faith that I have.

If you don't, then call john...

What's-his-name.

You're so... You're so cute.

Cute. Really?

Mm-hm.

Am I cuter than...
John what's-his-name?

Yeah.

You know what? I'm
gonna call my dad.

I'm gonna tell him I don't
want the stupid money.

How much... How much
money are we talking about?

A lot.

That's too bad.

Thanks for the call last night.

Of course. I didn't want
to leave you hanging,

Thinking this huge thing
had happened when it hadn't.

Yeah. So, I came by because I have a
solution to your tuition problem.

Noel, honestly, I
can't take your money.

No, it's not that.
It's a t.a. Position.

Uh, for art 10.

It wouldn't cover
all your expenses,

But it would pay for
some of your credits.

The only hitch is it's down
the hall from my new office.

Wouldn't that be weird?

I don't think so.

I'm not offering you this because
of what happened between us.

This is a position I
have to fill. It's my job.

And you'd be great.

I haven't even taken
that class. I mean...

Look, tell me this.

If we hadn't slept together,
would you take this?

Yeah, I guess.

Because you'd know I
was being a good friend.

If you don't, that means that everything's
changed, and I don't want that to happen.

I don't want to be somebody
you can't be around.

Just think about it.

Okay. I will.

What are you doing?

I'm wondering how many
layers of paint they put on

To keep norman from jumping.

If you hate the job,
you'll quit, right?

Yeah, definitely. Did you
bring the drop/add form?

Yeah, here you go.

This is it? Wow.

- Yeah, sorry. Sorry.
- It's okay.

Uh, thanks a lot for doing this.

Don't worry about it. I fixed the
head of poli-sci's laptop once for free.

Hey, I don't know
if you know or not,

But she's okay.

I mean,

Felicity's not pregnant.

No, no, I didn't.
That's great, huh?

Yeah, it is. It is.

All right, man. Here you go.

- Thanks.
- No problem.

Need some help with
that window there?

Uh, no. I'll get it eventually.

Okay. Maybe we'll go
play some hoops later.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Okay. I'll see ya.

♪ But when I
listen to your voice

♪ I think you made
the wisest choice

♪ It's so much better this way ♪