04x11 - S'Wunnerful Life

[bunniefuu]

Are you eating?

Mostly just puking.

I know it's hard, but your body

Needs nutrition.

You're fighting both the disease and

The treatment, so...

Now...

It looks like your white cell count

Is a little on the low side.

Not enough to be alarmed about,

But we need to keep an eye on it.

If it doesn't build back up by monday,

We may have to suspend treatments

For a week or so

Just as a precaution.

Wait a minute, you mean...

You mean stretch this out

Even longer?

I know it's not a pleasant thought,

But...chances are, come monday,

You'll be ok.

You've got the whole weekend

To recharge, so...

Yeah. I was kind of eyeing

The wonder years marathon on cable.

The important thing is to relax.

Chances are...

There's nothing to worry about.

You keep saying... "Chances are."

Just a figure of speech.

Anyway...

Have a nice weekend.

Is that a figure of speech, too?

Just...try to take it easy.

It-it's a chant kind of thing.

"Owah." That's the first word.

"Tadoo" is second,

Then "fiyam..." Want me to give you

A hand with this?

No. Just got to get back in the corners here.

Roaches are nimble.

So then, the brothers,

They line you up in your briefs,

And they throw corn meal, honey,

And raw eggs at you

While you hop on one foot and chant,

"Owah, tadoo, fiyam. Owah, tadoo,

Fiyam. Owah--"

"Oh, what a doof you are." I get it.

Here, give me a hand. Slide this back, will you?

And watch the linoleum.

So then, they fill your briefs

With seltzer tablets

And throw you in the lake,

But that's another story.

And you do all this because...

Because, when we get back

From christmas,

I get to do it to some new pledges.

That's the beauty of it. Gamma nu,

Man, gamma nu!

(Knocking on door)

Grab that, will you?

I'm all over it.

Gamma nu...

Yes, ma'am?

Oh. Uh...

I'm--i'm looking for bailey.

Bailey: annie!

Hey!

Hi.

So...this is annie.

Annie, this is will.

Oh, right! Bailey told me you were home

For the holidays.

Nice to meet you.

I got the rest of the mail,

Mommy.

You, too.

Oh, thanks, sweet pea. Hi, sweetie.

Yeah, uh, bailey's told me

A lot about you.

Really?

He hasn't told me nearly enough about you.

Um, anyway, look, I'm sorry to barge in

On you guys--

No.

But it came.

It--already?

Open it, mommy.

Yeah. Go for it.

Great. Here goes.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Oh, my god.

"Oh, my god"?

Oh, my god!

I did it!

You did it?

You did it! I did!

She did it! Ooh!

I'm sorry. "It..."

I'm gonna be an insurance adjuster!

Yes!

(Laughing, whooping)

Hello! You're-- you're crushing me!

Oh, god, sorry.

Ok, right here. On 3.

1...oh!

2, 3.

(Coughing)

God, I thought we swept.

And vacuumed and mopped. What'd you expect?

It's a shed.

Stop calling it a shed

And help me out.

I want this place to look nice before

Justin gets here.

I hope he's not coming

Till july.

Claudia, stop it.

I'm trying to make the best of this, ok?

Ok, I'm sorry.

Maybe I can help.

You know, put in some...

Some christmas lights or, uh...

Maybe a tree.

Yeah, and you know what?

I've got a lot of extra time

While elliot's away,

So I could make curtains and paint, you know.

We could turn it into a chateau

Or a cottage--

Hey! What are you guys doing

In the shed?

Justin!

Hey! Hi.

Hi.

Uh...wow! You're early.

Yeah.

Half hour with my folks

And i, uh...

Need a little air.

What are you guys doing?

Julie and griffin are moving

Into the shed.

Stop calling it a shed.

I thought... Didn't you say

You were, uh...

You guys had some great

Apartment or...

What? Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, with charlie and all,

We thought, um...

We're-- we're turning it

Into a guest cottage, actually. You know,

Coat of paint and curtains and--

Wow! Look at you.

Yeah. I mean, uh, the yale thing's

Really working for you.

Yeah? Well, thank you.

Uh...that's pretty cool.

Yeah, well, you have to be

Sure to come

To my tree-trimming party tomorrow night and brag

About it to everybody.

Yeah. The hallowed halls and crew and the smell

Of ivy.

That's yale.

Yeah. Well...

I can't wait to hear all about it.

Now, if it won't start,

Pat the gas twice,

Take your foot off, turn the key.

As soon as it catches--

g*n it. I know. You said.

And I put furniture pads and rope

In the back seat

To tie on the armoire when you get it.

Perfect. Oh, I can't wait for you to see it.

Hey, you're good at this.

What do you think is the quickest way there?

I thought you'd been there before.

When I was 9.

I can barely remember my great-aunt,

Much less how to get to her house.

And anyway, the armoire's

In storage, so...

Well, let's see:

Probably the 5 to the 20...

Can't paul read a map?

He got stuck with a 36-hour shift,

So... I'm going it alone.

Don't ask.

Wait a minute. If you're--

If you're gonna go alone...

Why don't I come with you?

What?

Charlie, no. I can manage.

I know you can manage. That's not it.

I just...i really want to go, that's all.

Let me come along for the ride.

You need to rest. The doctor said--

The doctor said that I need to recharge,

And I'm going crazy in this house

So I could use some...

Some kind of distraction.

I know, but...

You can't be bouncing around that truck

And lifting things and exerting yourself.

What exerting?

You drive. I'll ride shotgun.

And it's just a day trip.

We'll be back here by 4:00.

Come on, charlie. You sure that this

Is a good idea?

Look, you guys got to stop

Babying me, ok?

'Cause I need this.

I need to...

I don't know, do something

Different.

Please let me come with you.

Thanks.

Ok.

Chocolate su1c1de

For madame adjuster.

What are you guys gonna eat?

Come on, man.

It's a celebration. Dig in.

Drown your sorrows.

Uh, I gotta--i got to watch my weight.

The sweetheart dance is coming up.

If I don't get a date, my life is, like, over.

Sounds like a problem.

I just...this is the greatest

Thing

That could happen to me.

Thank you.

Thank you for getting me

To do it.

Hey, I was just a nudge.

You did all the work.

To...adjustments. So, um, this...

Adjusting thing,

That's a pretty big deal, eh?

Oh, like you wouldn't believe.

I mean, and now that I'm licensed,

I can get a real job, and I can make

Some decent money.

And you can send natalie to that school you've been

Talking about, too.

Exactly. That's what I was thinking.

And I'm gonna go on a real budget, too,

And I'm gonna pay up my credit card bills

And I'm gonna start a college fund

For natalie--

I can help you with that-- with the budget.

Income minus essentials equals savings.

Econ.

To savings.

To savings.

I'm dry. Want some more coffee?

Uh, warm up.

Be right back.

Thanks.

I'm sorry, man. This is probably...

Boring for you, right?

What, are you kidding?

I love hanging out with my parents.

I can't believe I haven't seen these.

There was a extra roll of film

In the camera.

Oh, wow! You remember the day at the louvre?

Oh, do I remember it? I couldn't get you

Out of there.

You were, like, hell-bent

On memorizing every detail.

I was?

Please! You said you had to study

For your year off

So you could get some cool job

In the art world.

I was gonna strangle you to get you

To shut up.

Only because you wouldn't stop yammering about yale.

God, you were like a...

A stuck cd. Ha ha ha!

Wow. Hey... You know what?

That's been very interesting,

But I got to go to work tomorrow.

Are we sleeping in the shed?

The, uh, guest cottage?

Yeah.

Good night. Good night.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Night.

So...

Yale, is it just...

Is it everything you thought it'd be?

Yeah.

And then some. It's...

But you still haven't told me

About the museum.

Could you take me on one of your tours?

Oh. Uh, you know what?

I must've been so busy I forgot to write

And tell you

I sort of, uh... I got another job,

So...

You did? Mm-hmm.

Well, what kind of job?

Um...well, actually, it's at--at taylor's.

The department store?

Yeah.

Uh, yeah. Um...

Mrs. Taylor came in for a tour one day,

And she was so impressed with my knowledge of,

You know,

Light and color and stuff that she offered me a job.

No kidding. Mm-hmm.

Uh, doing what?

Uh...uh, merchandising and displays.

It's kind of--(laughs) all wrapped into one.

It-it's sort of a junior executive

Position.

Man.

Who needs higher education?

Oh. Not me.

Wow. Milan.

Wish we could go back tomorrow.

Christmastime.

What?

Did you say something?

Oh. Did I say that out loud?

It sounded like...

"Christmastime"?

I know. I just...

I saw this house back there all decorated.

When we were kids, mom and dad used to

Pile us into the car,

And we'd drive around the city

Looking for christmas lights

And decorations.

It was kind of a game, you know.

Yeah.

First one to spot 'em would call "christmastime."

Anyway...

You getting tired? Want me to drive?

Nope. I got it. Christmastime.

(Rock music playing)

♪ Merry christmas, I don't want to pass it up ♪

Here. Taste my eggnog.

♪ Merry christmas, I don't want to

Pass it up... ♪

Wow! It's good! Is there rum in it?

No. Totally nonalcoholic.

Bailey. Right.

You know...

It's great that he's sober

And everything.

I mean, it's fantastic.

No question.

Yeah. No, I know.

But...is it just me,

Or has he turned into, like,

A total adult?

I don't know, you know?

Ever since he hooked up

With annie,

It's like he's this completely

Different person.

Really?

You know, I just...

I miss the old bailey, you know?

I mean, not the drunk bailey--

He was a pain in the ass--

But the old old bailey,

The one who actually knew how to have a good time,

You know?

I know. God, this music is crazy!

Yeah. The brothers were playing it

At christmas chaos.

We head-slammed till, like, 5:00

In the morning.

Whee!

Hey.

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey.

I got to ask you guys to keep it down

For a little while.

Ok, sarah, can I borrow your computer?

I got to retype annie's resumé for her.

She can't do it at work 'cause her boss

Might catch her--

Hey, will you stop moving for a second?

You got to do that right now, like,

This instant?

Well...no, I don't, but...

What is with you guys?

Just loosen up for 5 minutes, bay.

It's a party.

"Loosen up"?

I'm plenty loose, will.

I just told annie that I would--

Well, that can wait.

Right? You said so yourself.

Hey...come on.

For your own mental health...

Head slam. Just once.

I dare you.

What is the big deal, will? Here.

Look, I can head slam, see?

Yeah, lame-ola.

Come on, like you mean it!

Cd: ♪ I want merry christmas ♪

♪ I don't want to pass it up, it's... ♪

Yeah! Yes!

Whoo!

Just so you know,

I hate you both.

We love you!

Are you sure this is the 16?

No. Actually it's, um...

The 16, actually.

Well, ok. Um...

Huh. What now?

Well, we can take the, um...

49 Up through plymouth.

Well, that's...

That's kind of out of the way.

What? That only adds...

Well, my thumb is...

50 Miles, so...

150 Miles?

It only adds, what,

300 Miles to the whole trip.

And the back roads are more fun anyway.

Mm.

I know. But...

What about owen and claudia?

There's phones up here. I'll call.

Besides, if we go through widener's pass,

We could stop and eat at--at tony's.

Tony reitano. He worked for my dad.

He opened a little diner up there,

And, uh, I've always wanted to find him.

When am I ever gonna get another chance?

Are you sure?

I mean, are you...

Are you ok and everything?

I'm fine, kirsten.

And I want to forget about that for a while, ok?

I don't know. You and me

And road trips...

I'll chance it if you will.

New haven? My god, don't get me started.

Beautiful, huh?

Oh, it's pretty...

Remarkable.

You know, the architecture,

The culture...

You'd go nuts there. You'd really love it.

Yeah?

Yeah. But enough already.

Tell me about this cool job you got.

It's at emporium?

Uh, uh, at taylor's, actually,

And I kind of-- I told you already,

So...

Do you get a discount?

What?

A discount. Oh, yeah.

10%. Anyway--

'Cause I have a ton of christmas shopping

To do.

I was--maybe I could tag along with you,

Uh...you know, this afternoon,

When you go in--

Well, I already maxed out

My discount,

You know, the holidays

And all,

And I'm gonna be at meetings

All afternoon.

Oh...

Board...meetings. Oh, wow!

That's beautiful!

Yeah. For griffin?

Uh, yeah. It looks just like him.

What's the price?

Uh, let's see. It's, uh...

Uh...$60.

You want to...

Oh...

You know what, is--is that wool?

'Cause griffin's allergic.

He breaks out in these big hives,

Like, the size of pancakes, so...

Yuck! Forget about it.

Uh-huh.

So anyway, tell me about the art

Department at yale.

How's the museum?

I already told you about it.

Well, tell me again.

"Open all day every day,

365 Days a year."

(Charlie reads sign)

Ha ha! Am I missing something here?

Oh, I don't know, but I'm starved.

So am i.

Wow, that's...

Believe it or not, I actually have

An appetite.

So, of course, we're in the middle

Of nowhere,

And I haven't seen any other places.

Charlie, you're shivering.

Yeah. It kind of got cold

All of a sudden.

But I'm ok. Come on, let's go.

You didn't bring a coat?

Well, it's not exactly like I packed a suitcase.

Charlie, wait a minute.

This is crazy.

We should head back.

What?

Kirsten, I'm fine. I swear.

No. You're hungry and cold--

Will you stop it?

This can't be good for you.

No, see, that's where you're wrong.

Ok? This is no big deal, kirsten.

We can get in the truck and turn the heat on

And find another restaurant

And keep going.

We've got to keep going,

'Cause...

Being cold and hungry, those are easy.

Those are things I can deal with.

(Inhales)

Ok?

Come on.

Ok, to the left...

To the left...

To the right just a scooch...

Stop.

There?

Well, it's, um...

Crooked.

Yeah, well, what did you expect?

I rescued it from the garland pile.

Hey, no, no, no.

A few ornaments, and you'll never notice.

Huh?

What--will!

Way to go, mccorkle.

Hey, you picked it out.

Come on, I'll mess you up.

You want some of that? Come on!

Huh, salinger! What do you wrestle,

Midgets?

Hey, you guys--

(Knocking on door)

What loser shows up to a party this early?

(Boys grunting, straining)

Hi. Wow, you know what?

You're, um, early.

No, i--i--um,

I'm looking for bailey.

Will: ...grab your hand and get the watch!

Bailey.

No!

Yeah, annie!

Get off me!

I'm sorry, I haven't even started

Your resumé yet.

These guys--

That's not...

I need to talk to you.

Ok.

What? What's wrong?

Uh...

I just, uh...

I got fired.

Woman: oh, look at this!

I mean, the pattern's upside down...

The bow's on the wrong end!

No! You can't just...move it!

That'll leave a tape mark.

This is unacceptable!

I'm sorry. If you'll just let me--

No!

Never mind.

I'll do it myself.

Thank you for shopping at taylor's.

I'm sorry about that.

Uh, welcome to taylor's complimentary gift wrap.

May I help you select a presentation?

Why would he fire you?

Because he caught me scheduling interviews

For my adjuster jobs.

He was such an ass about it.

Ok.

Just try not to...

Maybe this isn't the end

Of the world.

No, I don't have an income, bailey.

No savings.

Nothing.

Nothing but a 7-year-old

Who is actually looking forward to christmas.

Ok, well, maybe now you have time

To go on interviews for other jobs.

Nobody's hiring until after the holidays,

And I need a paycheck while I'm looking.

(Sighs)

Ok, look.

Maybe...

Maybe this is one of those...

Blessing-in-disguise things.

Oh, please.

No.

Think about it.

Yeah, it's gonna be tight for

A couple of weeks,

But now you have a chance to go look

For a better job.

You don't get it, do you?

This is not like getting kicked out

Of some class, ok?

Or getting a "c" in sociology.

This is my life here!

I know that, annie.

That is exactly why I'm trying to help

You figure out--

Yeah, well, you know what?

You can't.

Ok? Because you don't even understand.

I mean, and I don't want to hear it, ok?

Because the last time I listened to you,

It got me into this mess in the first place!

Wait a minute--

No, if it weren't for you pushing me

To take that test, I would still have

A job!

Wait a second, annie, that's not fair.

Just do me a favor, ok?

Please, just go play with your friends

And leave me alone.

Hey, you're just in time.

I've drastically reduced my entire inventory.

Great.

Wouldn't happen to have any coats,

Would you?

You are in so much luck.

And is there any place to eat?

Well, they got mad cow burgers down

By the interstate.

It's about 2 hours away.

Everything else is closed,

Which nobody bothered to tell me

When I bought this place.

Here, try that.

I have a feeling it's you.

What's that smell? It's nice.

Uh, the sea, probably,

And pipe tobacco.

It was my uncle's.

He was a steward on the queen mary

Or something.

I'm sorry, but we're kind of in a hurry,

So, uh...how much for the coat?

Oh, uh...

5 Bucks ought to do it.

Sold.

I'll make you a deal.

You buy the coat,

You help me move all this junk inside,

And you can be the first to try

My new lamb stew.

The b&b isn't really taking off,

So I'm trying to make a go of

The restaurant.

Really? That's what I do.

Maybe I can give you some pointers.

Wait a minute. Uh...

That's--that's sweet, but...

We can't.

This trip is already out of control,

Charlie.

Are you kidding me? This is like the universe

Speaking or something.

We're lost, cold, and hungry,

And the answer just falls in our lap?

Come on, how can we say no?

All right.

But after that, we're going home.

So...

Come in?

I'm glenn.

Charlie... And kirsten.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, let me just grab my wallet

Out of the truck.

Ok.

Kirsten,

You got the keys?

(Sarah giggling)

What did I tell you?

This 'nog rocks!

You made this, sarah?

Yeah, from scratch.

So, before I forget: your ornament.

Ooh! Beautiful wrapping.

Uh-huh.

Yes. That is very, very...

Professional.

Did you do that,

Or did you have some little elf

Do it for you?

Oh...no. It, uh, came this way,

Actually,

Prewrapped, you know, at the store.

Ahh.

Hey, cool tree. Let's go, um,

Look at the tree.

Ok, if you won't come to the party,

Then the party shall come to you.

Have some eggnog.

I hate eggnog.

Ok, well, some of your buddies from state

Are out there. Nice guys, too.

I don't...

Who? Who's out there?

I didn't catch their names,

But those guys-- ha ha!

I don't know those guys.

You mean...

Oh, well, I just assumed that...

Nope.

No wonder they didn't bring an ornament.

Whoa! Ha ha!

Bailey, your floor's

Not level.

Ha ha ha!

God, I am such an idiot.

I can't imagine what I did

With those keys.

Unless I dropped them outside.

Just...let it go for now.

Ok? We looked everywhere,

And it's too dark now,

So let's just... Enjoy dinner.

You smell that?

Go on. Smell.

Wow. That's amazing.

Actually, this whole place

Is amazing.

And it's all ours.

Hey, you guys...

Lamb is almost ready. I promise.

Oh...you know, you're welcome

To stay here the night and just head back

In the morning.

I've got 20 rooms sitting empty.

Oh, that's...

Thank you, but-- but we should

Probably...

Shouldn't we?

I don't know. Um...

Claudia said she's happy to watch owen tonight,

And we can pick up the armoire

In the morning.

I mean...we've come this far.

Unless...

You think paul would mind.

No.

No, it's not that. It's just...

What?

It's...

Nothing.

It's nothing.

I'll go make up a room.

Uh...

We--we kind of need 2.

2?

Yeah. We're... We're not--

Oh, get out of here!

You two?

You just seem so--

No, no, we're... We're just friends.

Good friends,

But...just friends.

And besides, he snores.

Mmm...

It must be the nutmeg.

I love nutmeg.

Or maybe, you know what? Maybe it's the vanilla.

I...i love vanilla.

I'm thinking it's the rum.

I didn't put any rum in this.

No, but those guys did.

I love those guys!

I always hated you.

Huh? Oh, yeah.

What a coincidence.

I always hated you, too.

I mean, let's be honest.

You got this whole "bad boy" thing going on--

"This is me, and I don't give a damn" thing that

Women always go for--

Makes me wanna puke.

Well, what about you, huh?

You with your "smartest and thinks he's smartest"

Routine.

Major pain in the butt, mr. Harvard freakin' law.

It's yale!

All right? And I'm an english major.

Ooh, yeah, mr. Yale freakin' english.

You know what really baffles my ass?

I'm the one who's k*lling myself.

And you, you already got everything you want.

You got your stupid little motorcycle shop,

You're married to this perfect woman,

And it's just... (Sighs)

Man, go figure.

Yeah, well, it's not all it's cracked up

To be, all right?

I've got overhead,

I've got long hours,

And I'm living in a shed.

Harvard's a piece of cake compared to

The real world, pal.

Yale! Yale shmale, man!

Don't come crying on my shoulder. You're the one

That's got it easy. Oh, oh, you think

You got it rough?

Whoo-hoo. I was valedictorian at grant. You know that?

And then I go to yale and, hello!

All of a sudden I'm failing english lit.

English lit!

It's like all of a sudden I'm stupid or something.

Oh, and the people there.

Oh, my god. My roommate...

He's this thurston howell the turd wannabe.

First day he starts off by unpacking his collection

Of brandy snifters.

And he's telling me all about his polo scores,

And I'm like,

"Whatever!"

It sucks. Ok?

It blows!

Ok?

Ok?!

Uh, ok, yeah. No, man, whatever.

You--yeah, you win.

Is there any more of this stuff?

Oh, yeah. Hey, the next one's

On me, bro.

What? Nothing.

I was just...

Thinking about today. That's all.

Yeah. Can you believe it?

Everything that could go wrong did.

Are you kidding me?

Nothing went wrong.

This has been...

Everything went right.

I mean, one thing sort of led to another,

And now we're...

In this incredible place.

And, yeah, there were...

All these setbacks, but it's like,

This has been the best day I've had

Since they told me.

I don't know about you, but I'm really glad

I got to do this with you.

It means a lot to me.

It's been...nice.

Really, really nice.

And you got a great coat.

(Both laugh)

And I got a great coat.

Thanks.

For taking me away.

Good night.

Sweet dreams.

Come here. What?

What? What are you doing?

(Giggling) nothing.

Nothing. It's just, um,

You know, you've never told me

About your roommate.

At yale.

What's he like?

What are you--uh...

He's, I don't know, he's pretty cool. Why?

Why are you asking me?

"Pretty cool."

Huh. And what's cool about him exactly?

Would that be the brandy snifters

Or the polo scores?

Huh?

I heard you talking to griffin.

And, come on, I know you hate it there,

So...

What kind of friends are we if you can't

Tell me the truth?

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Are you serious?

Well, yes.

Yes, I don't understand

Why you've been going on and on and on

About how great your life is if the whole time you've been--

I mean, why did you feel you had to lie to me?

This is rich.

Especially coming from one of santa's

Little elves.

What? How did you--

I am not the only one that's been lying here.

Oh, why don't you tell me

About your great job over at taylor's?

That is not--

Wait a minute, griffin told you?

No. I saw you.

So, good question, julia.

What kind of friends are we?

(Door slams)

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

I'm sorry.

We making too much noise,

Ma'am?

Bailey.

Look...

Can we talk?

Why? You not done yelling at me yet?

No. (Softer) no.

I'm--i'm sorry...

About that.

It's just I'm feeling a little out of control here.

Hey, hey, there you are!

This thing is starting to make sense to me.

Not now, will, all right?

I hope you don't mind my being honest here.

I've been trying to wrap my brain around the two of you.

I think I finally have an angle.

That's great, will. Why don't you go

Stick your head in the freezer

And sober up?

Hang on, hang on. It's like, when I got here,

I'm looking at you guys, I'm thinking,

"Whoa. I don't get it." Right?

7. She's gotta be,

What, 10 years older.

And I'm thinking, "man, what's up with that?" Right?

What's bailey going through that he's

Into this older woman?

And then it hits me.

I'm gonna hit you-- maybe, maybe...

It's a maternal kind of thing. You know,

The whole anne bancroft- dustin hoffman-mrs. Robinson

Type thing that--

Hey! Just shut the hell up, all right?!

God, will, what gives you the right to come back here

And start psychoanalyzing everybody, huh?

What? I thought we had a rapport going on.

Look, what goes on between me and annie

Is none of your stupid business, ok?

So just stop!

Come on, annie.

Annie!

Annie?!

Annie!

(Knocking on door)

Annie?!

(Knocking) annie!

Oh, god.

Annie, you didn't.

I didn't.

But I want to, bailey.

I am so close.

Do you mind?

Ok.

Look, I know that this has been

Really rough on you...

Getting fired from your job and all--

God, bailey, that's not...

(Sighs)

I mean, yes, ok, it's a huge part

Of it.

It's not just that.

It's so much more than that.

Like what?

Like what if he's right?

Your friend will.

I mean, what if I am some dirty old woman,

Some--some mrs. Robinson?

What?

Annie...

I'm 26.

I'm 26 years old,

I just got fired from this crappy job,

I have a child who's totally dependent on me,

And I'm dating some...

College student.

Wh-what does that say about me, bailey?

I mean... (Sighs)

What kind of desperate person

Does that make me?

I don't know, annie. What kind of person

Does it make me?

Yeah...

You're older.

So what?

You're older, but that-- it doesn't matter, annie,

Because...

These last few years I've had to grow up

Pretty fast.

And...

I look at will, and it's like...

We don't even live in the same world anymore,

You know?

And after everything that I've been through,

I have more in common with you than anybody I've ever known

In my whole life.

You and me...

Make so much sense, annie.

Because we understand each other.

So...

Don't throw that out

Just because some stupid friend of mine doesn't get it.

You know what?

You're the oldest 20-year-old I know.

Actually...

I'm 19.

Are you speaking to me?

Should I be?

Look, justin, I don't know how this

Whole stupid thing got so...

So out of hand.

But, if you tell me why you lied, I will, too.

(Sighs)

I, uh...

I have some serious buyer's remorse

About college.

Um, I made this big deal about going

And how perfect my life was gonna be.

Only things kind of didn't turn out the way

You thought they would.

Because, believe me, I get that.

You know, it's weird, but...

I needed to believe you.

I needed to, like,

Live vicariously through you or something.

(Nervous laugh)

It's really bad, huh?

It's hell.

Huh.

What?

I'm kind of glad.

Oh, thank you for the support.

No, no, because, I mean,

I know it's totally selfish, but...

Now my life doesn't seem so bad.

Interesting.

But I kind of know what you mean.

Ok.

So tell me how it really is.

I wanna hear every single miserable detail.

All right. Just as long as you

Promise to do the same.

Oh, I can b*at you misery for misery.

Oh, yeah? All right,

You're on.

Mm-hmm. Uh, uh,

New haven?

It is the bleakest, coldest,

Most depressing place in the world.

Wow, that's good.

Try living in a shed.

Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.

Ohh, this would be, like, so much easier

If the room would stop spinning.

Thought it was just me.

Ohh.

(Slam)

Ooh.

Sorry.

You know, I'm gonna...

I think maybe I should...

Ice.

Oh, god.

Whoa, if I told you I know

And give it to you in writing that I am

A complete horse's ass,

Would it spare me the speech?

No. Not this time.

About all that stuff you said last night...

Look, I'm sorry, ok?

The liquor just got a little verbose.

No. The liquor just makes you say

Stuff you're already thinking, will.

I've been there, ok?

But you know what I don't get?

The last time you came home,

You got all smug on me, and you called me a drunk.

And you were right. I admit that.

But now you come home, and I'm sober,

And I am really trying here,

And it's like that's not good enough

For you either.

You're all judgmental and nasty and--and

Whatever.

What's up with that, will?

Nothing.

God, I'm sorry.

Can--can we please stop this?

You're my friend, bay, and you're right.

You're sober, and that's fantastic.

And whatever works for you.

I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna...

Lay down and die.

Yeah, well, you do that.

(Door slams)

Did you really mean that?

No.

I don't get it.

It's either one extreme or the other with him.

I just don't get it at all.

I just--

I can't believe I spaced like that.

It's ok, really.

No, charlie, I swear.

I looked in my purse a hundred thousand times,

And those keys were not there.

I told you, I found them in the little--

Little side pouch thingie.

It happens.

Yeah, well...

It's weird.

It's like a sign or something.

Yeah. Kind of like that.

Ok.

They said it'd be right in front.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

It's gonna look so great in our--

Kirsten: wow.

(Clearing throat)

It didn't look like this when...

Kirsten: my cousins must've...

Hey.

No. I'm sorry.

I just...

You gotta admit it.

Man, that is...

That is... Butt-ugly

Is what it is.

Ohh!

But I could refinish it for you.

Make it look as good as new.

Uhh! You could do that?

Absolutely.

Of course I can.

(Sighs)

Ohh...

Ok. Then I guess we should load it up.

Yup.

And head for home.

Look, I made an angel.

Ohh! Hey...

That's beautiful, nat.

Kind of looks like your mom.

Can I hang it on the tree?

Of course. You know what?

Put it right on the top.

Ok. So...first thing tomorrow morning,

You file for unemployment.

You can do that since you got fired.

Right. Ok.

And then...

We start circling ads in the paper

For...a real job.

And school's out for a couple of weeks,

So I can take care of nat during the day so you can

Go on interviews and stuff.

So...

You'd do that for me?

And...

I'm gonna help you out with...

(Whispering) santa claus...

'Cause that's, like-- that's important.

Thank you.

It's not gonna be easy,

But...

You don't have to do it alone.

Ok?

Look, I know what you're thinking, ok?

And I understand if you're mad,

But that is not why I felt I had to lie

To justin about stuff.

What are you talking about?

Well, I know that you think that I lied

Because I'm ashamed of our relationship

Together

Or I'm unhappy with you or whatever,

But that is so not it.

This has, like, nothing to do with you.

I know that.

It's just that he was all full of yale

And saying how great it is,

And I couldn't exactly admit--

Julia, julia, please.

You can stop, all right?

I understand why you lied, all right? Completely.

You do?

God, who wouldn't?

I mean, things are miserable.

I mean, how many paper cuts did you

Get yesterday?

I don't know, about a gazillion.

I've been working around the clock to try to keep

Our heads above water.

Charlie's sick.

Hell, we're living in a shed, for god's sake.

Stop calling it a shed.

Why wouldn't you want to lie about it?

Griffin: let's face it, life sucks right now.

Whoa... Wow...

Well, who--

Ahh-- shh, shh, shh.

You want to stop in tiburon?

Get something to eat?

I should probably just get back.

My treatment's pretty early tomorrow, so...

Want me to come with you?

That'd be...

Yeah, that'd be great.

Huh.

Kind of hope there's traffic.