04x20 - Cloudy Skies, Chance of Parade

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Ally McBeal". Aired: September 8, 1997 – May 20, 2002.*
Watch or Buy on Amazon

Ally is a young attorney who joins a prestigious law firm with a highly sexual environment and whose staff includes Ally's ex.
Post Reply

04x20 - Cloudy Skies, Chance of Parade

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Ally McBeal.

Look at that. What?

That wrinkle. Was that there
yesterday? Here we go again.

What's the big deal about
turning 28? It's two years from 30.

I'm a year from 30.

Ally, I thought I'd make some plans
at the bar to celebrate your birthday.

Oh, and I suppose you
have a little musical number?

Is this the big three-five?

- No.
- I'm 30.

And as much as you might hate the idea
of being the object of a man's desires,

what you truly loathe is the
idea that one day you might not.

And the question burning deep,
deep, deep down under the lip gloss is,

"Has that day already arrived?"

Hello. It's time to wake up.

It's your birthday.

You're not stirring, angel. You
don't want to waste a single minute.

Tick, tick. Don't you
ever want to have a baby?

Your ovaries are
shrinking as we speak!

Come on, honey! Your face
is already on borrowed time.

Get up before your eggs dry up!

Now!

Oh, God.

- What's wrong?
- It's time for my first
face-lift.

- Ally...
- No, I'm not just saying it, Renee.

I am not just having one
of my birthday reactions.

This is... I... I...
I really need it.

- Just... look at me.
- You don't look a day over 40.

Kidding!

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

Okay, uh, let's get started. Uh,
first up... Wait. Where's, uh, Ally?

- Elaine said
she called in "older."
- Excuse me?

It's her birthday. She's
depressed. She called in "older."

- She's not coming in?
- I thought we were having
a party for her.

Well, how can we not celebrate?
She's a member of our family here.

You know, you're entirely too happy,
Nelle. I want to meet this computer date.

Next up, Dale versus Hobey. Whose
is that? Uh, patient suing a doctor...

- What are you doing?
- I beg your pardon?

You said, "Next up." I-I say,
"Next up." That's... That's what I say.

You're not vested with
that. And as a senior

partner, if I see a
staff meeting stall...

and feel behooved to move it along, I
certainly can exercise that prerogative.

Yes, you say, "Move along."
But I say, "First up," "Next up."

Those are... Those are my
sayings. Well, fine. Forgive me.

Move along.

Fine. Uh, uh, next up,
uh, Dale versus Hobey...

A patient suing doctor
for a bad nose job.

The client'll be here at,
oh, 11:00. Uh, John? Nelle?

- If you could, uh, jump in...
- Oh. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.

- What? Why? What... What's the matter?
- I-I just... I...

I... It's a thing I'm not...

It's not a case that I... I
wanna take on. Thank you.

Uh, John, this is medical malpractice.
W-We've been lookin' to get into this.

- I really need you here, buddy.
- It's just, I have a thing...

about... that.

- What? About wh-what?
- Noses. Okay? I'm not proud of it.

I was traumatized once by
a history teacher with a big...

Caught me staring
at his n-n-n...

Okay. Okay, look. John...
John, I-I need you and Nelle...

Could I be allowed to rest on
occasion? ...a potentially big client.

More medical malpractice...

One of the perks of a partner:
getting associates to work...

This selfish streak...

while senior partners
go off and eat waffles!

Okay. Fine, then! Move along.
Next up. What do we got? This...

We're gonna interview here? In the waiting
room? No, it's not the waiting room.

It's where I was waiting. What
about in there? I just moved in myself...

That's a conference room, so
we wouldn't... Where's your office?

This is it. The waiting room?

No, it's not. Where
would my office be?

Well, if you could...
The headhunter said,

"Young, well-respected
litigator looking for an associate."

Corretta... How do I hit the ground
running without the proper facilities?

Where's the computer?
Where's the assistant?

Where's the library, and
where are the clients?

I would see clients if there
were any waiting, wouldn't I?

'Cause I'm standing
in the waiting room.

I don't think I can
be a lawyer here.

That's too bad, 'cause in my
mind I'd already hired you, and...

You did? Mm-hmm.

Why? Because, uh, I... like you.

Now you're messing with me.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for Mr. Larry Paul.

You're Sting. Yes.

I'm Larry Paul.

What is this, to impress me? No.

'Cause I'm not. I'm impressed
with you, just not with him.

We'll be with you in a second. Do you
mind waiting? You're in the right room.

Corretta. If you don't mind,
I have a bit of a legal crisis.

Okay. Okay.

I'll open a file.

Last name?

Now, Harold, from what I understand, you
requested the surgeon enlarge your nose.

But not like this. This
is too big. I'm disfig...

I apologize.

Uh, why did you ask
him to make it bigger?

I'm a female
impersonator, Miss Porter.

Over the years, Barbra Streisand's
become my biggest character.

Many events hire me to
do Barbra Streisand alone.

Anyway, the prosthetic
nose I was using...

Eh, it distracted me
in my performance.

So I thought, if I just had
mine enlarged a little...

Right. So you asked your surgeon to
make you look like Barbra Streisand.

I asked him just to make
my nose a little bigger.

You see, I'm also
an actor. And this...

Uh, I apologize. I just
came out of a relationship.

So, you're suing
your surgeon for...

Look at me. Do you
really have to ask?

It was a concert, Your Honor. My client
was giving a concert to 17,000 people.

But his affection, Your Honor,
was being directed to one person:

my client's wife, seated
in the second row.

Hold on. You're
alleging Mr. Sting...

Sting. tried to break up
your client's marriage?

That is exactly what we're
alleging. Her obsession...

with Mr. Sting has interfered
horribly with their marital relations.

- Oh, please.
- Your Honor,
and I'm not confident...

that you fully appreciate the
severity of these allegations.

You can't hold a performer liable
for his performance on a stage.

The defendant engaged in emotionally
and sexually suggestive conduct.

And it caused my client's
wife to become enraptured,

which enrapture
threatens to break them up.

Now, Mr. Sting knows that
he has this effect on women.

It is therefore foreseeable
that his conduct...

could be counterproductive
to a marital relationship.

And to excuse him from
taking responsibility...

simply because he committed
this action while on a stage?

Well, none of us can
be... comfortable with that.

All right. I think
this is ridiculous,

but I'm not inclined to kick a
case out without some discovery.

Let's depose the
parties then. Your Honor,

you can't be serious.

Mr. Paul, despite
my perky nature,

I am quite capable
of being serious.

My client is only in the commonwealth
until tomorrow. Then I suggest...

you take the depositions
today. Adjourned.

♪ After the rain has fallen ♪

♪ After the tears have
washed your eyes ♪

♪ You'll find that
I've take nothin' ♪

♪ That love can't replace
in the blink of an eye ♪

♪ But after the
thunder's spoken and ♪

♪ After the lightnin'
bolt's... ♪♪ Ally.

Come on. You're
gonna be late for work.

Why? If it's my birthday, why
can't I just let it be my day?

You can.

If you were celebrating, that would
be great, but you're "miserating."

Why? It's not like you're a pathetic,
lonely, single, desperate woman...

on the verge of spinsterhood
like you were last year.

You got a man, which is all
you ever wanted out of life...

To latch onto a husband
and wear nice outfits.

This is your dream. It's
comin' true, so be happy.

Seriously, Ally. Is
there somethin' wrong?

Well, I... I-I guess something must
be, but I just don't know what it is.

It's... It's... Mm, it's probably just the
birthday blues. Go to work. I'm fine.

Sure? Yeah, sure.

Mm-hmm. Mm.

- You're not gettin' out
of going to the bar though.
- Mmm. Mm.

♪ I can't stop... ♪

♪ This feelin'... ♪

♪ Deep inside of me ♪

♪ Boy, you just don't realize ♪

♪ What you do to me Oh ♪

♪ Your lips... ♪♪

Oh.

Uh-uh-uh. Mm-mmm.

Mm-mmm.

♪♪

♪♪

- Ally, can I call you "Al,"
or do you prefer "Mack"?
- It's "Ally."

Whatever. The guy obviously doesn't want
to marry you, so... How do you know that?

Did he ask you to marry him?
What makes you think I want to?

Don't seem the mistress
type. If you move in

with a guy you have no
intentions of marrying...

I-I never said I had no
intentions. Are you a mistress?

No. I am not a mistress. Then why live
with a guy who's afraid to get married?

How do you know he's
afraid? Because he didn't ask...

Oh... Oh, d-don't... Don't you...
Don't you even think of sh**ting me.

Okay, now see, you're not
real, okay? You don't scare me.

No. You know, you wanna
sh**t me? You just go ahead.

Go ahead, I dare you.
sh**t. sh**t. sh**t!

This is the nose
he contracted for,

and this is the nose
that we gave him.

- Okay. Can I see that
in profile?
- With pleasure.

Okay. Could you turn, Harold?

All right. Uh, i-it does
look bigger on Harold.

We adhered strictly to the agreed-upon
measurements: three centimeters.

- He asked
for Barbra Streisand.
- And you gave me Karl Malden.

- Karl Malden?
- All right.

I did not give you
a Karl Malden!

- Let's keep this constructive.
- I didn't ask for this. Durante
would've sent this one back.

You said Barbra
Streisand is the biggest part

of your act. And this
is what you wanted.

- Look, why can't we just
redo it? Get a new nose job?
- Well...

Yeah. Tell him.

The cartilage is... a
little compromised now.

- Another surgery...
- So he's stuck with that hooter...

honker?

Poop!

I'm sor... I, uh, just
came out of a relationship.

Look, uh, what about this, Doctor?
Uh, can you not reverse the... damage?

Unfortunately, it would
be tough. But look.

This is the nose
that he contracted for.

I can show you all the
specs and the plans.

Plans? We're not talking
about a new kitchen.

Though clearly that
would be a smaller job.

There's no call for that.

I'm offended by that. Look,
look. This is good work.

The septum is perfect. He
has no problem breathing.

Nor is this a ventilation issue.

No, it's not. It's
an aesthetic one.

And aesthetically, that is exactly
the nose he hired me to give him.

And this? This is about something
else altogether. Isn't it, Harold?

No, it isn't. Harold, I
know the real reason.

It's not about that.
Do they know?

♪♪

♪ When no one else can
understand me ♪ ♪ Wah-ooh ♪

♪ When everything I do is
wrong ♪ This isn't even a duet.

♪ You give me hope
and consolation ♪

- And it's not hot.
- ♪ You give me strength ♪

♪ To carry on ♪

♪ And you're always there ♪

It's not a duet. It's not hot. ♪
To lend a hand in everything ♪

- When am I even
supposed to sing?
- ♪ I do ♪

♪ That's the wonder ♪

♪ The wonder of you ♪

Elaine. Okay, this is your
verse. And make it hot.

I'm not singing
this. It's for Ally.

♪ And when you smile
the world is brighter ♪

- ♪ Wah-ooh ♪
- ♪ You touch my hand
and I'm a king ♪♪

I don't care how many
people were in that building.

He was singing
directly to my wife.

He knows it, she
knows it, and I know it.

- Don't tell me
what I know, Louis.
- Ma'am.

I'm not comfortable with you here.
You're not a party to these proceedings.

It's my love life on
trial here. And he wants

me here. He just
can't say so in public.

- Madam, I don't even know you.
- You know my heart. You sang to it!

The judge gave us one
day, so we're gonna hear

from Louis, and then
you'll get your chance.

- Okay, Melissa?
- Fine.

- Okay.
- He sang to it.

Louis, what do you think
Mr. Sting did exactly?

Well, he sang this song
called "We'll Be Together,"

and he looked
straight at Melissa.

- He did.
- Melissa.
- Ma'am.

- Okay.
- He wooed her.

- He wooed her?
- With the song. He wooed her.

It's hard enough making a
marriage work... any marriage.

But what hope does a man like me
have with a rock star pursuing his wife?

- I did not pursue your wife.
- Don't lie, Stinger.

- Ma'am!
- Stinger?
- Not comfortable.

- Louis, I see
you brought a tape deck.
- Yes, to show you...

My attorney thought
you'd like a demonstration.

- I think we'd all like that.
- Oh, my God.

Never mind, Melissa.
Don't do this. I beg you.

Why don't you show us now,
if you don't mind? Of course.

I'm not a professional
like him. Understood.

♪♪ It was like this.

He looked at her,

and he danced
at her... like this.

♪♪

Not the same. Trust
me. Am I wrong, Stinger?

♪♪

♪ I see me with you ♪
♪ I see me and you ♪

♪ And all the things you do ♪ ♪♪

♪ Keep turnin' round
and round in my mind ♪

♪ Forget the weather ♪

♪ We should always be together ♪

♪ And any other
thought is unkind ♪

♪ My love is a flame
that burns in your name ♪

♪ We'll be together ♪

♪ We'll be together tonight ♪

♪ Together ♪♪

The doctor's
unwilling to settle,

but I can probably get his
insurance company to pressure him.

The cost of litigating... I
want an admission of liability.

Well, I don't think
I can get that.

Then we won't settle.

What don't I know, Harold?

Harold,

if we go to trial, I
can't be surprised.

My boyfriend.

We broke up after the surgery.

Because of how you
looked? It wasn't that exactly.

He... He has problems
with my... my...

My being a performer.

He... He wanted me
to give up the act. Why?

He thought I lived for the
spotlight more than I did for him.

Well, is that true?

I love him very
much, Miss Porter.

But I am a performer.

So, the surgery...
My boyfriend...

He regarded that
as the final straw...

That I would alter my
looks... for the sake of the act.

So he left?

Yes. And, uh,

you're blaming your
heartache on the nose...

and, therefore, the surgeon?

It's not the nose I wanted.
That's why I'm suing.

Okay.

I have to sing, Miss Porter.

This is who I am.

Did you tell him that?

Hey, Ally.

Since when do you have
a key to my apartment?

Oh, uh, Jackson had
copies made. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Well, is... is that why
you came by? Oh.

You know, the... the
thought of you sitting

home alone, uh, thinking
about your problems...

I thought I'd distract you, get
you to focus on one of mine.

What, did the market
take another tumble?

No, nothing that profound. No,
it's... it's Ling. I think I want her back.

I know she really represents
just, uh, chattel, but...

Well, you love chattel. Exactly.
And I can't even get her to notice me.

Make her jealous.
That's a little juvenile.

Works. How do I do it?

Shopping. Sorry?

The first thing a
woman does with a...

A new boyfriend is
she redresses him.

So if you go out and get some new clothes,
she'll think that there's somebody else.

Okay. Gee, that...
that was quick.

You know, I got a little time left for
your problem. You wanna talk about it?

Mmm, no. Excellent.

You know, Richard? Bugger.

We're in our 30s, and we're always
talking about getting on with our lives.

Well... Well, we are. We're
on with our lives. This is it.

Ally, you have friends.
You have nice clothes.

You have a man. Well, maybe
that's the problem, you know?

I have always been driven by my want,
you know? What I... What I want. And...

And now maybe
the quest is... is...

You don't have children yet.
Although at 31, I mean, tick, tick.

Bygones. You know,
they're overrated.

I think the reason
that I hate birthdays is

because my life has always
been about tomorrow...

You know, the-the... the
possibilities, I-I... I guess.

And... And the idea that
life is... is now... is horrible.

And the problem
with "now" exactly is...

Nothing. I don't know.

I don't know. I mean,
it's... Now is... is great.

You know, I feel happy.

I have my friends. I have my
family. I have my... my job, and...

And like you say,
I have nice outfits,

but I still feel alone.

Well, a-and alone by
myself I can take, but...

alone while happy
with somebody else?

Oh.

Oh.

It's not that I'm not
happy to sing by myself.

Clearly. Oh, don't give me that.

You know what your
nickname is around here:

"The man in the mirror."

Who calls me that?
It doesn't matter.

The point is, you're as vain as I am. And
since we both love to hog the limelight,

who better to steal it from
than Ally on her birthday?

Come on. I wanna be hot. Hey,
if I sing that number with you,

it ain't gonna be that Elvis
Presley thing, 'cause I don't do Elvis.

I'm smooth, Elaine.
You got that?

If we do a number together,
oh, it's got to be smooth.

Fine. Smooth... and hot.

A woman knows when
she's being spoken to.

And you feel Mr. Sting
was speaking to you?

- Yes, I do.
- And you actually separated
from your husband...

because you thought you and
Mr. Sting could get together.

I separated from my
husband because he refused

to recognize that Sting
loved me that night.

- Why is that important, what Louis...
- It's important because...

it was an important
night in my life...

One I need to believe in.

And I need for my
husband to believe in it.

- Why?
- Look. I love Louis.

And did I think that Sting and I
would eventually get together? No.

But in those brief, few minutes,

I guess I realized,
well, a dream...

One I never believed
was available to me.

I'm not... clear. May I?

- Of course.
- So, you didn't separate
from Louis...

thinking that you would
get together with Mr. Sting?

No!

But the key to happiness...
Any happiness...

Is allowing for...

It's nice to know
that what's there for,

I guess, the special people...

is also there for me.

- I must say, I'm... confused.
- So am I.

You sell a lot of records
singing about people like me...

People who insist
on believing in love.

It's an act, Melissa. He
tours all over the world...

singing to the woman in the
second row, the lady in the balcony...

I have no illusions about
ending up with him, you dope.

But what happened that night... it
wasn't an illusion, was it, Stinger?

You think my client
was... actually...

- Uh, what's the word?
- Wooing!

Thank you, Louis.

You thought Mr. Sting
was... wooing you.

I know I'm not meant
to get the leading man.

I know that dreams
aren't likely to come true...

for short little
housewives from Brighton.

But yes. In that one moment,

I felt he really did
want to be with me.

And it was everything,
I can tell you that.

I'm happy with you,
Louis. I love you.

But to know that
Sting wanted me,

even if it were for
only a fleeting second...

that's... that's something.

Okay. Just confront it. Deal.

♪ I can't stop ♪

- ♪ This feelin' ♪
- Hey.

- ♪ Deep inside of me ♪♪
- Hey! Hey!

I came back to check up on you.
Obviously, that wasn't necessary.

You don't even go out to lunch.
No. He didn't send me flowers,

and all I got was a lousy
alarm clock that... that's abusive.

Y-You were diving across
the floor to... Oh. Oh, that.

Well, that... that stupid dancing baby is
back, and I was just tryin' to... k*ll it.

I'm fine, Renee.

It's gotta be expensive.
The first thing Ling notices...

about an outfit
is the price tag.

Gucci. Third floor. What's
goin' on down there?


- Come on. Let's clear the set.
- Looks like a fashion... Oh, my.

That's, uh, Cindy Margolis. Who?

Cindy Margolis, Queen of the
Internet. Well, what's she doin' here?

Apparently modeling
some swimwear.

- And quite well too.
- I-I gotta meet her.

Richard. No, but, Mark, this
is perfect. Ling knows I watch,

uh, Cindy Margolis
on cable all the time.

She's even, you know, caught me
appeasing myself sometimes after.

Oh, swell. Didn't realize that.
This is perfect. I've gotta meet her.

Ah, what? What are
you gonna do, Richard?

I'm just gonna let fate take its
ugly little course, and... you know.

Forty thousand dollars?

Well, he basically is willing to
settle to avoid the negative publicity.

Admission of
liability? All he'll

say is that it was an
unsatisfactory result.

He will not admit to
negligence or wrongdoing.

Uh, Mr. Dale?

Uh, we have reviewed
the architectural drawings...

The, uh, plans for your n-n-n...

Now, it complied to specs. It
may have turned out a little bigger,

but our advice here
would be to settle.

- Excuse us a second, John.
- Yes.

Listen.

My father always told me,

we should embrace
our God-given looks.

That must have been
quite the challenge.

Why not embrace our
man-given looks as well?

This is your nose now, Harold.

You're a performer, a man who
can sing like Barbra Streisand.

And, like you said, who
else in the world can do that?

Take the 40,000,
your new nose...

and... do what you love.

♪ Come in Pull up a chair ♪

♪ Come on Let down your hair ♪

♪ We can relax in style ♪

♪ Come on Stay a while ♪ ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Stay a little while ♪

♪ And just long enough ♪

♪ To take a little puff ♪

Mmm. Doesn't that
make you jealous? ♪♪

With her? Please.

Well, what about me?

Come on, Ling. We
both slept with the guy.

If I can deal, so can you.

You two slept
together? We had, uh,

dozed off one night...
watchin' the news.

♪ A little smoochier ♪

♪ And hootchy-kootchier ♪

♪ Stay, buttercup ♪

♪ Until the sun comes up ♪
♪ Whoa-oh ♪

Just watching somebody
perform... it goes right to my veins.

- Well, why don't you sing one?
- Me?

We have connections
here. Oh, really?

Yes. Perhaps you could
dedicate it to your new... life.

♪ Turn on your late late smile ♪

♪ And say you'll stay a while
♪ ♪ Say you'll Say you'll ♪

♪ Say you'll stay

♪ Say you'll stay ♪
♪ Turn on ♪

♪ Your late late smile ♪

♪ And say you'll stay ♪

♪ A while ♪

♪ Stay a while ♪♪

Stay a little longer.

♪♪

♪♪

Why aren't you
at your party? Oh.

Well, uh... Well it seems to be
the year for skipping my party.

What, he said he'd be back
after his deposition, didn't he?

Yeah, yeah.

He's gonna leave. Wh... What?

Ally... No. Christmas,
holidays, birthdays, he...

He has this habit of sealing
himself off on those occasions.

I... I-I think that it's
because he's afraid

of anything that
smacks of tradition...

or... or, uh, happy returns.

No, it's... it's because
he doesn't trust it.

What, y-you're... you're making
way too big a deal out of this.

Come on. You know, I got
Cindy Margolis downstairs.

I think she's gonna
let me... touch her.

You can watch, if you want. Well,
as hard as that is for me to resist...

Mm. So you're
feeling a little alone.

You know, everybody's alone, Ally.
It's just, some people don't know it.

Mmm, well, I guess that's my
problem then, because I know it.

Look. Birthdays, by
nature... They're mood days.

You gotta forget about being
introspective or... or, you know...

Birthdays should be a time for, uh,
blowing out candles or being with friends.

And just, you know... just...
Just let it be a dance, hmm?

Can you dance on your
birthday, Ally? You know?

Oh, well, um, I guess I
could, Richard. It's just...

Just what? He
hasn't asked me to.

Well... Ah, no. You
know? Look. I-I know...

that it's no big deal... really.

Then what? Because, he's, uh...

He's gonna leave.

Richard, hey. I was just
about to step into a deposition.

Yes. I know all about your
deposition, Larry. I'll keep this short.

I got Cindy Margolis
waiting. Who?

Here's a tip, uh, Larry.
I know you like tips.

They're usually on the surface,
which you're happy to skim.

You know, I get you. We're
both emotional surfer boys.

People tend to want to be with
their loved ones on birthdays.

They tend to feel exaggerated pangs of
loneliness when not with their loved ones.

I know this. I-I read
about it. That's the tip.

I'm making a point
with my tip, Larry,

perhaps sharp enough to puncture
the surface you love to glide on.

Richard, I... Surf on your own
time, slick boy. This is Ally's day.

Hmm? That's all
I'm gonna say. Yeah.

Uh, I have an explanation.
She's alone. No excuse.

♪♪

♪ I will spend my
whole life through ♪

♪ Lovin' you ♪

♪ Loving you ♪

♪ Winter, summer
springtime too ♪

You slept with her?

Whoa. Ling, that was before you
and I... You haven't even slept with me.

The first night we... I mean
since. We haven't re-slept together.

You won't let me. Anytime... Oh,
right, after you've been with that.

Ling... Don't-Don't talk to me.

D-Don't even look at me.

♪ You know ♪

♪ That I'll always be ♪

♪ Loving you ♪

♪ If I ♪

♪ If I'm seen with someone new ♪

♪ Don't be blue ♪

♪ Don't be blue ♪♪

And isn't it true, Mr. Sting,

that part of your performance is designed
to sexually engage the female demographic?

Not exactly, no. Occasionally
men have been turned on.

Why won't you just admit what
happened between us that night?

Mr. Sting, I'll
ask you directly.

Gee. Sorry.

Did you want to...

be with Melissa that
evening as you sang to her?

Yes.

- I'm sorry. Did you
understand the question?
- I can't lie about it anymore.

- Aha.
- Wait. You with her?

It's not anything I ever acted on,
nor could I in the future, Melissa.

But yes. That night,
when I sang that song,

I allowed myself to dream.

I imagined myself in your
arms, running away with you,

making love with you.

- Um, Sting?
- I'm under oath, Larry.

Uh, just one second,
please, and we'll...

You mind tellin' me
what that was all about?

Well, what would it
cost to, uh, settle this

thing right now? Fifty,
sixty thousand dollars?

It might. Yeah. What... He's trying
to give her a dream come true.

Can't you see that? That's
noble. What's up with that?

- What, rock stars
can't be noble?
- Ooh, maybe they can,

but they shouldn't be hiring
lawyers to help them pull it off.

Uh, all right. So,
you'd like me to settle?

Yes. - Yes. Okay.

Thank you, Mr. Noble.

I have sacrificed my own
love life to do this case, but...

His girlfriend's
birthday. Missed it.

Oh.

Okay. My client has
admitted his infatuation...

and, conditioned on total confidentiality,
will agree, right here, right now,

to pay your client
$50,000 plus costs.

I'm... I'm
comfortable with that.

Fine. Let's draft
and be done with it.

Told you.

I feel so inadequate. Louis,

haven't I always told you
what a vigorous lover you are?

You could've had Sting. How will
you ever be happy with me, Melissa?

I love you.

Louis, he's a rock star. She
didn't fall for anything real.

People have to be allowed
their fantasies, that's all.

Did you remember? It's
our anniversary on Saturday.

Did I remember.

I got Springsteen tickets.

Take her to a movie, Louis.

You'll be safe there.

♪♪

♪ I'll march my band out ♪

♪ I'll b*at my drum ♪

♪ And if I'm fanned out ♪

♪ Your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it ♪

♪ Hat, sir I guess
I didn't make it ♪

♪ Get ready for me,
love 'cause I'm a comer ♪

♪ I simply gotta march
My heart's a drummer ♪

♪ Nobody, no, nobody ♪

♪ Is gonna rain on my ♪

♪ Parade ♪

Really terrific!

- I'm so glad I don't have
to follow that.
- You're not gonna try, right?

- I'm sure he'll be here
any second, Ally.
- Yeah.

Yeah, he wouldn't wanna
miss my birthday. Hmm.

You know, look. It's,
uh... It's getting late. So...

- You can't leave yet.
- I'm tired, Renee.

He'll be here. It's only
10:30. He'll be here.

Oy.

- That's Cindy Margolis.
- Who?

The Internet Queen.
How'd he meet her?

Who is Cindy Margolis?

He's got this huge crush. He would
sneak out of the room and download her...

whenever I wouldn't put out.

Well, uh, thank you, all, again. It was...
It was, uh... It was a great birthday.

Oh, can you stay for one more
drink? I'll sing again. No, no.

No. Please, I... I really
just want to go. Can you...

Can you all just let me go?

♪♪ Oh. Okay, what the
hell is this? Is this dark?

♪♪

♪ Every breath you take ♪

♪ And every move you make ♪

♪ Every bond you break ♪

♪ Every step you take ♪

♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

♪ Every single day ♪

♪ And every word you say ♪

♪ Every game you
play ♪ Happy birthday.

All right now. ♪
Every night you stay ♪

♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

All right now!

♪ Oh, can't you see ♪

♪ You belong to me ♪

♪ How my poor heart aches ♪

♪ With every step you take ♪

♪ Every move you make ♪

♪ Every vow you break ♪

♪ Every smile you fake
every claim you stake ♪

♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

- Hey, birthday girl, you wanna...
- dance? ♪♪

I don't know. It makes
me feel easy. Hmm.

Well, I did bring Sting.

♪ I look around but
it's you I can't replace ♪

♪ I feel so cold that I ♪

♪ Long for your
embrace I keep cryin' ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

♪ Every breath you take
every move you make ♪

♪ Every bond you break ♪

♪ Every step you take
♪ ♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

♪ Every single day
every word you say ♪

♪ Every game you play ♪

♪ Every night you stay Every
breath ♪ ♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪

♪ You take Every move you make ♪

♪ Every game you play ♪

♪ I'll be watchin' you ♪♪

♪♪

All right. So you made a
slight comeback. Thank God.

Hmm. Sting actually sang to me.

So did I. Did you even notice?

Oh. You sang?

I noticed.

I'm sorry I missed
most of your birthday.

Well, you halfway made
up for it. Halfway, you think?

I'm a third of the way, at
best. Oh. Oh, big talker tonight?

That's right.

I love you, Ally McBeal.

Happy birthday. Mmm.

♪ Oh, my man, I love him so ♪

♪ He'll never know ♪

♪ All my life is just despair ♪

♪ But I don't care ♪

♪ When he takes me in his arms ♪

♪ The world is bright ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ What's the
difference if I say ♪

♪ I'll go away ♪

♪ When I know I'll come back ♪

♪ On my knees someday ♪

♪ For whatever my man is ♪

♪ I am his ♪

♪ Forevermore ♪♪

You stinker!
Post Reply