02x08 - Harper Knows

[bunniefuu]

Alex, did you make those
brownies? - Oh, gosh.

Pfft! Ugh!

It's so not easy slaving
over a hot wand.

Cheater! You don't see me taking
out the garbage with my wand.

Give me this. Ho! Oh!

I told you I just
baked with that wand.

Hey, alex. Oh,
you made your brownies.

Oh! They're so good.

You know, I've never seen you bake.

Hey, I've got flour on my apron.

And... sweat on my brow.

What are you calling me, a liar?

No, I just came here to invite you
to the pop culture convention.

Hold on, I got to think of
a lie on why I can't go.

Come on, alex, we get to dress up like
characters from cool comics and movies.

Would you go if I told
you it was my birthday?

I... I know that.

That is why I made you these brownies.
Yay! Happy birthday!

Please, alex, I'm finally old
enough to enter the costume contest.

I want you there to
help me with my costume.

Give me a real reason why
you won't go to popcon.

Popcon's in town? Hey,
theresa, popcon's in town!

- Popcon's in town?
- Popcon is in town?

Popcorn's in town?
That doesn't make any sense.

Why am I so excited?

♪ well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ that the end will,
no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ you can fix any problem with the
slightest of ease yes, please ♪

♪ but you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ when you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ with the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ that's what I said everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ when you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ you might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ when you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ because everything is not ♪

♪ what it seems ♪

Jerry, what are you doing?

Putting snacks in your purse
for later at the convention.

I mean, who's gonna pay $ .
for a spicy, cheesy pretzel-dog?

Supersonica doesn't carry a purse.

Ok.

Well, then d-battery guy does.

whoa! What is that?

It's the alarm in the lair.
Emergency wizards are coming.

There must be a crisis
in the wizard world.

Get it off me! Get it off me!

Oh. What does that big one do?

Turns on my reading light.

Emergency wizards with
important wizard business.

Hang on. You guys
just walked in here?

Where's the usual flash of light,
puff of smoke?

Yeah, about that.

Someone in the department
filed a complaint,

So now we just walk in.

Secondhand entry smoke is
a proven health hazard.

The wizard council requires the
services of alex, max and justin russo.

- Where's alex?
- Dude, what is with the noise?

Don't you know my Saturday's
my "sleep till Sunday" day?

There's an emergency at popcon and
we need all three of you to help.

Ugh. I do not want to go to popcon.

That place is filled
with geeks and weirdoes.

Focus. This is important business.

Young wizards love popcon

Because they blend in with all the
other costumed geeks and weirdoes...

Thank you.

Unfortunately, these wizards use
their magic all willy-nilly,

Thus threatening to expose us all.

Ah! I get it. You want us to
patrol the convention room floor

And put a stop to these hooligans.

Well, we want you
to keep an eye out,

But if you want to call it "patrol,
" that's fine.

Awesome! Sweet. I'll get us some
walkie-talkies. We'll synchronize our
watches.

Does everyone know the international
tactical hand signals?

Mm. I know a hand signal.

- Peace! I'm out.
- Hey.

You're not getting out of this.

It's part of your
required wizard training.

And I'll put a gold star on
your community service record.

no. I can't go on patrol at popcon.
I already told harper I wouldn't go.

Do what you always do:
Make up a reason why you're going.

I can't do that. I lie to her
about magic all the time.

I just lied to her about those stupid
brownies. And it's her birthday.

- I didn't feel good about it.
- Oh! Lookie there, alex has feelings.

I know. I'll hide from her.

Feelings gone.

Look, we gotta go now.
So you better change quick.

What are you gonna dress up as? - Oo,
um, I'm gonna dress up

As a super-sleepy annoyed girl.

Oh, my goodness.
I'm in the belly of a nerd beast.

Are you gonna keep that thing
on all day? - I have to.

If chico loco is unmasked,
he loses more than his strength.

He loses his dignity.

I... I am shamed.

I have no dignity.

But it was getting hot in there.

Oh, jerry, remember our
first popcon? - Yeah.

It was in reno, nevada and you
dressed up like calico girl.

That wasn't me.

I'm gonna go buy you a gift.

- Oh. Hey, there's hugh normous.
- Hey, hugh.

- What are you doing here?
- I listen to the emergency wizard scanner

And thought I'd help out.
Having a giant on the lookout

Will discourage any
wizard horseplay.

Oh, that is so cool.
When are we gonna meet the giant?

You just did. It's me.
Look at this tiny comic book in my hand.

Oh, my gosh.
You really are a giant.

Well, at least I can go right to
bed when this whole thing's over.

- I didn't bother wearing a costume.
- What are you talking about?

That's the best pajama
girl costume here.

Oh! Oh, man! There's a pajama girl?

What is with you people?

Come on. Let's get to the
information booth. - Ok.

All right. Let's fan out.

"fan out?" hold on.

I've got walkie-talkies.

And I made a grid of the convention room
floor and assigned everyone sectors.

All right. You, here,
you're in this sector.

You, hugh, you're in
this sector. - Wait.

What's that spot back in
the corner off the grid?

That's the galactic
kettle corn stand.

Oh. Harper hates
galactic kettle corn.

- I'm gonna hide over the.
- That's not your sector, sister!

Hey, you guys! It's me,
harper, as battle diva.

- Hardly recognize me, right?
- Hardly.

Would you guys mind
holding my place in line?

I've been trying to get battle
diva's autograph all morning.

We kinda wanted to look around.

But it's just that
it's my birthday.

And I really want to
get some kettle corn.

I thought you hated
kettle corn. - I do,

But I'm trying to practice discipline and
force myself to eat foods I don't like.

I leave you with the
battle diva battle cry.

Battle diva, rise to the
stars where you belong!

Let's go, supersonica.

D-battery guy needs to recharge
with some nebula nachos.

Honey, I told harper we'd hold her spot.
It's her birthday.

Oh, sweetie, that is so nice how you
care about our children's friends.

See ya.

No, I can't!

A-ha! Rogue wizard.

Buddy, you're coming with me.

Lies, lies I need a disguise

But with a mask! Oh, no!

Something's not right here.

Why would a warrior who
never sleeps need pajamas?

Excuse me! This is all wrong here!

- Whew! That was close.
- Yeah, that was a close one.

Yeah, you're telling me.
Wait a minute. Oh, gosh!

You're in violation of the costume
quick exchange in the first degree.

We're taking her in. Grab her.

Wizard code violation . Wait!

- No mask. .
- Wait. How did you see that?

I'm not gonna lie.
I've been off sector and off grid,

Because I suspected you all along.

We're gonna need that
costume for evidence.

it's all yours.

- Of course, she got away.
- It's shimmering.

- She charmed it!
- Of course she charmed it.

This probably has all
of battle diva's powers.

Even her power to make
you say things twice?

Even her power to make
you say things twice?

We gotta contain this.
I never understood that power.

- I never understood that power.
- Oh!

- Whoa. That was close.
- yes, it was.

Ok, justin. You got me. Oh, gosh!

Russo, you're in complete violation
of wizard conduct code .

Oh, you're in pajamas. .

alex?

What are you doing here?

Surprise! Happy birthday! - What?
You're here for my birthy?

Because it looks like you're here with
this guy in the awesome monster costume.

- Who are you?
- I... I'm jeremy.

From... Science.

Uh, he's jeremy from science.
But I'm not with him.

Jeremy from science?
Is there even a jeremy in science?

Of course there is.
He... He has a huge crush on you.

Well, hello, jeremy from science.

Your costume doesn't
look store-bought at all.

Th... Uh, thank you.

Alex helped me with it.
No, she didn't. She didn't help me.

What? You helped jeremy
with his costume,

But refused to help me
your best friend with mine?

I wasn't helping him.
I didn't even mean to be here.

you obviously did.
You're dressed as pajama girl.

How could you do this to me?
I want the truth. No more lies.

I'm sorry. I can't tell you.

You never tell the truth.
Like that one time we were making

Bottle cap belts in sub station.
You said, "I'll be back in a minute,"

And then went into the food storage
locker and didn't come out for hours.

Do you have another
friend in there?

Harper, please. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.
You ruined my birthday.

Thanks a lot.

By the way, your pajama girl
costume looks totally slept in.

Jerry. Jerry, come here.
I have to tell you a secret.

Come here. Closer. Closer!

Crouch down, honey.
I don't want anyone to hear.

Great. Now, wait for me
here till I come back. Bye!

Argh! She tricked d battery guy.

She's good.

Justin, I need to talk to you.

Harper thinks I'm a liar.
The only thing I can do

Is completely come clean and
finally tell her I'm a wizard.

That's the only thing you can do?

Well, it's the first
thing I thought of.

And you know me, I don't usually keep
thinking of things once I think of
something.

You can't tell her that. It's a
serious violation of the wizard code.

We may have an
exposure code yellow.

Hugh, I'm not gonna tell you again,
I'm right next to you.

No, no, justin,
harper can keep a secret.

- No one would ever know.
- Harper would know.

Once one mortal knows something,
let's face it, mortals are blabby.

but it's true.

You should surprise her.

Friendships are all about
surprising each other,

Because no one but your friends
really know what you like.

- Here's some cheese, justin.
- What a surprise! I really like this.

See? I know what he likes
and I surprised him.

Friendship.

Great. And um, now,
instead of fighting crime,

You can fight crackers
with your sprayable cheese.

Wait. Or you can spray
harper with cheese.

Look, just because you and
harper are in some fight,

- I'm not gonna do your dirty work.
- It's not my dirty work.

- You would save our friendship.
- Uh, no, I'm not.

Really? Because she's telling
everybody you guys are engaged.

That girl has no boundaries.

Mr. Russo, I just want to say goodbye,
since alex and I are no longer friends.

Once justin and I start dating,
I'll be around,

But until that happens,
this is goodbye.

Aw! It's gonna be...

...Ok.

battle diva!

Hi, justin.

It is I, the destroyinator,

- Your arch-enemy.
- Oh, my gosh!

You wanna duel? We're gonna
be a superhero couple.

First, jeremy from science.
Now, you.

I'm part of a love triangle.

We're not engaged!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Looks like the destroyinator
has won this battle!

Oh, this reeks like cheese!
You've ruined my costume!

Oh, no! Your costume
is totally destroyed.

Now, I can't even enter
the costume contest.

Or can you?

Surprise! Happy birthday. Again.

- Why would I accept your gift?
- Because it's an exact replica.

Why don't you give it
to jeremy from science?

Jeremy from science wants
you to have it. - He does?

Fine. I'll take it.

But not for you.
For jeremy from science.

I think I'll harper-ize
it /ewith this wig.

Chico loco.

I need you to hold this
place in line for me.

- Eh... No, thanks.
- Oh, I see.

Mom gave you more muscle padding so you
think you're stronger than me, huh?

Uh-huh. That's right.
More padding, more loco.

- Got a problem with that?
- I do.

- Let's wrestle and find out.
- Bring it!

- Ha!
- Ha!

Whoa! Put me down!

Put me down!

Ugh. That's the worst balloon
giraffe I've ever seen.

But you know what? It's a cute hat.

Next.

I'll give you an extra
one so that you can, uh,

Sell it and buy
yourself a real hat.

Oh, yeah? Well, supersonica
versus battle diva. Bring it on!

Ok. No biting. No biting.

Why is harper wearing that?

I gave it to her so
she'll forgive me.

When she wins the costume contest,
we'll be friends again.

That's a fully-loaded wizard-powered
costume with superhero capabilities.

- Is thaa problem?
- It can fly, ricochet lasers,

- Deflect b*ll*ts and sh**t fire.
- Ok, so it's a problem.

next up, the battle divas.

no, wait!

We'll be ok as long as she
doesn't say battle diva's cry.

That's what activates her powers.

Battle diva, rise to the
stars where you belong!

That's the one.

Whoa!

Whoa-no!

What is going on here? - We have a
potential wizard exposure in progress.

I accidentally gave her a costume that
has powers but she doesn't know it.

She just knows she's flying. - Everyone,
backstage before someone gets hurt.

All right. We don't have a much time
before people start asking questions.

Guys, why is harper flying around
like she has wizard powers?

Less time than I thought.

Goblin, can you figure out a way
to draw everyone's attention?

All right, well, I'm a goblin.
That usually does it.

Make my hair look a little crazy.

Ok, everybody, take a position.

Beep beep boop bop bop.

This is officer lamp. I have a
situation frank-cody-roger-niner.

I need authorization for
an insta-rig. Thank you.

Open the curtain, alex.

Hey, I can see the ropes!

Yep, those are definitely ropes.
Cannot hide these. Uh-uh.

This is by far the worst
illusion I've ever seen.

Ta-da!

How did the rope get there?
Whatever. That was cool!

I think we have a winner.

Harper finkle as battle diva!

Oh, my gosh, alex, now I see
what you've been doing all day!

You set this all up so I'd
have the best birthday ever.

With the rigs,
the costumes and the ropes,

Even introduced me to
jeremy from science.

well, I'm glad you liked it.

You know, I owe you an apology.
You've done all this

And all I've done is doubt
you and be a horrible friend.

Alex, you're the best friend ever.
T"nk you for telling me the truth.

Harper, there's something
I need tw tell you.

Jeremy doesn't go to our school.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Because he's a goblin.
From the wizard world.

And I would know that because...
I'm a wizard.

Hold on a second.

But he was into me, right?

Harper, can you forget about
that for one second please?

I'm trying to tell you
that I'm a wizard.

oh, alex. You're so funny.

Really, I am. Here. Pick a card.

Alex, that's lame.
There's no way a stupid magic trick

Is gonna make me think
you're a wizard.

But look at where we are.

We're in space!

And I have a birthday
cupcake for you.

In space!

Oh, my gosh, I'm having a
birthday cupcake in space!

With a wizard!
My best friend's a wizard!

I'm so glad I don't have to
keep it from you anymore.

Me, too! Wait, so you have powers?
Like you can fly and teleport places?

Wizards are kind of like
superheroes. - Yeah.

Except we don't do anything
for the good of society.

Happy birthday!

ok, so we didn't get you
anything for your big day,

But we wanted to show
you something instead.

They wanted to show you something.

I said it on the cab ride
home and I'll say it again:

Alex has violated wizard code by
revealing our secret to harper.

I know how you feel, but we all
agreed to trust alex and harper.

Between me and you,
they're gonna blow it by Saturday.

We'll use mind-erase
spell on harper

And bing-bang-boom,
we're back in business.

What? That's just
your food storage.

That's what you used to think.

Whoa!

This is where you do inventory?

This is gonna take a
while for it to sink in.