05x14 - Adobe d*ck

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Flintstones". Aired: September 30, 1960 – April 1, 1966.*
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Living in Bedrock, Fred Flintstone works an unsatisfying job, but returns home to his wife Wilma and eventually daughter Pebbles.
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05x14 - Adobe d*ck

Post by bunniefuu »

Come on, now, Pebbles.

Eat up your rock crispies,

Or daddy won't
catch you a fish.

Ah. Fish.

[Baby talk]

Now, wasn't
that cereal good?

Fish.

[Baby talk] fish.

That's right.

Daddy and all
the water buffaloes

are going fishing.

Here, have a little
sip of grape juice.

Oh. Thank 'oo.

[Gurgling]

[Arr arr arr]

Alright, Dino.
I get the message.

I'll feed you
in a second.

Here I am, Wilma,
all ready to do battle

With the monsters of the deep.
Heh heh heh!

Okay, all you
barracudies

and octopussycats,

Here's where you
get yours. Heh heh!

How do I look, Wilma?

Just great.

Nobody would ever believe

That this is the first time
you ever went fishing.

Shh. Not so loud.

Honey, you know,
the other guys

Think I'm a pro.

That's why they
left it up to me

To charter the boat.

Why do I always
get stuck with the amateurs?

Yeah, us, too.

[Toot]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy

Of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo
time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Hi, sweetheart.

And what's
my little girl

Having
for breakfast?

[Baby talk] fish.

Ha ha ha. That's cute,
but not today.

I'll tell you,
Pebbles dear,

When daddy comes home
from the fishing trip,

He's gonna bring you
a pretty, big fish.

Goodbye, Wilma.

Fred, haven't you, uh,
forgotten something?

Let's see-- My pole,
my anchor, my tackle,

My...my, my.

Oh, I knew it
all the time. Heh heh.

Here's your mommy, honey.
[Chuckles]

Keep that
fryin' pan hot, Wilma.

I'm gonna bring back
somethin' really big.

Yes, dear.

Barney isn't out yet.

Might as well get in
a little practice.

[Hop hop]

Unh! Huh?

[Hop hop hop]

Oh, boy!
I'm not even at the ocean,

And I already
hooked somethin',

And it's really big.

[Hop hop hop]

What's the matter, hoppy?
What's the matter?

[Hop hop]

Hang on, hoppy!

I'll help you!

Ohh! Ohh!

[Choking]
[hop hop!]

Ohh! Ohhhhh!

It's no use, fish.

You're not gettin' away
from Flintstone.

Ooh! Feels like two of 'em
gangin' up on me.

I don't know, hoppy.

Whatever it is
must be takin' vitamins.

[Baby talk]

Bamm-Bamm, stay out of the way, son.

You'll get hurt.

[Baby talk]

Oh, boy. What a strong son

That bamm-Bamm is.

Hey, Fred, it's you.

I didn't even
hear you knock.

I'll knock you,
Barney.

You tryin'
to k*ll me?

Now, let's get goin'.
We'll miss the boat.

Oh, Barney. Here, dear.

You forgot
to take your camera.

Oh, uh,
thanks, betty.

Oh, good morning, Fred.
I didn't hear you come in.

Morning, betty.

Hey, Fred, you see my new
polarock camera?

You snap a picture,

And it develops
right inside the camera.

A simpleton
can do it.

Yeah, Barney.
It was made for you.

Now, let's get
down to the dock,

Or the grand pooh-Bah's
gonna be furious!

One second, Fred.

I want to take
a farewell picture

Of my lovely spouse.

Oh, Barney.

[Giggling]

You're so sentimental.

Okay,
you love birds.

I'll wait
in the car.

Now, don't take
all day, Barney.

Okay, Betty.
Say cheese rock.

Cheese rock.

Beautiful.

This could
make the cover

Of Playrock
magazine.

And now
I'll just count.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

We open the back
thusly...and...

voil?!

Uh-Oh.
Another booboo.

Not another picture
of your finger, Barney.

Well, at least we didn't
have to wait for it.

Here. Put it
in the album

Next to the color sh*t
of my pinkie.

Huhh huhh huhh
huhh huhh huhh!

Come on, Barney!
The boat'll leave without us!

Get a move on!

[Beep beep beep]

Take it easy, bub.

I'm only skin and feathers,
you know.

Okay, Barney,
you've had it.

I'm takin' off!
See you on the boat!

Hey, wait!
Wait, Fred, I'm comin'!

Fred! Fred, Fred!
Slow down, Fred! Wait for me!

Oh, boy.

Why do I put up with him?

Nice castin', Fred, but,
uh, I got a question.

What's that?

How did you know
I was in season?

Huhh huhh huhh
huhh huhh huhh!

Hah hah hah hah!

Keep it up, Barney.

You'll wow 'em down at
the emergency hospital.

Yeah, Barney.
First I'll hook one of those

Big, fighting
tunasauruses,

And then
for a breather,

I'll go after some oysters
on the half shell.

How about you?

Who, me? Well, uh,
I'm either tryin'

For some
filet of rock sole,

Or, uh, maybe
I'll be lucky

And come up with
some shrimp thermidors.

Oh, yeah! I hear them
shrimp thermidors

Put up quite a battle.
Heh heh heh.

Hey, we'd better hurry.

If I know
our grand pooh-Bah,

He's already saying,
"where is that Flintstone

And rubble?"

Where is that
Flintstone and Rubble?

Alright. Relax, fellow
water buffaloes.

Ahem. Now, as your
grand pooh-Bah,

I hereby make a motion

That whoever catches
the biggest fish today

Gets $10
from the treasury!

I second the motion!

All in favor, say aye!

- Aye!
- Aye!

Motion carried!

Now, where the heck
is the boat that Flintstone--

Here they come now--
Flintstone and Rubble!

Hey, Fred, what are you doin'?
Hit the brakes!

They're not working!
Look out!

Look out!

Flintstone!

Have you ever
considered

Donating your body
to science...

as of today?

I s-Second
the motion.

[Gurgling]

I'm sorry, fellas.
I tell you what.

Suppose I treat you
to some bait?

All the worms are on me.
Heh heh heh!

Hey, fellas, look!
Here comes our boat!

You call this
a living?

Don't blame me.

I told you we shouldn't have
dropped out of high school.

Some boat
you chartered, Flintstone.

Who's the captain?
Noah?

I--I--I--
I don't know, sir.

Well, what's the name
of that scow?

Oh, it's,
uh, uh--

There it is, Fred,
right on the hull.

The "h.M.S. Bountystone."

Hmm. Bountystone?

Now, where have I
seen that name?

Well, it was
in that old movie, Fred,

On the late, late, late
late, late, late, late show.

Remember? They had
this cruel captain who said, uh--

Mister Flintstone?

The name's Blah.
Captain Blah!

He must be
kiddin'.

Welcome aboard,
mateys!

Heave to!
Strike the mizzen!

Batten down
the hatches!

We're ready
to weigh anchor.

Now, stick
to your quarters

Until I give
the order!

Hey, look, Barney.

Did you ever see
such a large fish?

"Adobe d*ck," eh?

Oh, boy,
he's some monster.

Aye. He's the most
feared whaleasaurus

In the seven seas,

A bloodthirsty
vicious man-Eater,

A ruthless k*ller,

A carnivorous monster,

The scourge
of the deep

Who will pound you
to a pulp

If you ever
meet him!

Oh, yeah, but, uh,
is he dangerous?

You think there's a chance
of him showin' up?

Not a chance. He hasn't been
seen in these waters

For years!
Well, mateys,

Don't
just stand there!

Weigh anchor!

Aye, aye, sir!

Uh, me, too, sir!

Unfurl the jib!

Poop the deck!

Point to north
by northwest!

And steady
as she goes!

Heave....ho!

Heave...ho!

Here she comes, Fred.

Gee, what a homely-
Lookin' anchor.

Let's get
outta here!

Well, really!

Who were they expecting,
Brigitte Bardrock?

Jeez!

Three hours out here
in the broiling sun,

And not one bite!

Yeah, it's kind
of frustratin'.

Hey, um, how about
turnin' on a radio?

Maybe
the ball game's on.

Yeah. Good thinkin',
Barney.

It's the last of the ninth.
Tie score.

Bases loaded.

Mickey Marble up.
The count is 3 and 2.

Oh, boy! 3 and 2
on Mickey Marble!

Come on, Mickey!
Belt it out!

Here's the pitch...
and there it goes!

It's a high one.
It's going...going... going...

[Burbling]

Why, you stupid nincomp--

How do you like that?

Fred, that's a bad omen.

I'll bad omen you,
Barney! I'll give you a--

H-Hold on, Fred.

I got a nibble. I've--
I've hooked somethin'!

Reel him in, Barney!
Reel in!

It's somethin'
really big, Fred!

It feels like...
like a whole school!

You blockhead!

That's Rubble!
Let's get him!

Throw him
to the sharks!

Alright, alright.

Stop this!
Quiet down!

Down, I say.

If there's anything
I can't stand,

It's lack
of self-Control.

I have spoken!

Sorry, grand
pooh-Bah.

We lost our heads.

Also our
fishing rods!

It's okay, fellas.

Everyone's entitled to go berserk.

Heh heh heh
heh heh heh!

Barney,
when it comes to fishin',

You either have it
or you don't.

Now, just watch
this cast.

Uh-Oh! It's the pooh-Bah!

Man overboard!
Man overboard!

S.O.P.! S.O.P.!

Save our pooh-Bah!

Don't panic, pooh-Bah!
I'll save you!

I'll get you for this,
Flintstone!

Easy, pooh-Bah.

Remember your
self-Control.

Hey, look at that!
He caught a fish.

Wowie!
What a catch!

How'd he do it?

Shows what happens when you
use the right kind of bait.

Huhh huhh huhh
huhh huhh huhh!

Quite a catch,
hey, boys?

Well, I guess that takes
care of the $10 prize,

Thanks to you,
Flintstone.

You're welcome.

Yeah, but eat it
in good health.

Come on, Barney,
let's keep tryin'.

Maybe we can top him
and win the prize.

Forget it, Fred.
With all these guys aboard,

We'll be lucky to come up with
a baby minnowsaurus.

Yeah, you're right.
It's just too darn crowded.

Hey, I got an idea.
Look!

It's just
an old lifeboat.

And we are
borrowin' it.

We'll row somewhere
where we can fish in private--

Just the two of us.

Gee, Fred,
I didn't know you cared.

- Huhh huhh huhh!
- Heh heh heh!

Hey, uh, but what
about Captain Blah?

If he catches us with that hook,
it's whhhrreek!

I'll check on him
right now.

He's probably asleep.

Now, as I was saying, miss...
oh, yes, yes.

How would you like to get
into show business?

Me, captain,
in show biz?

But I don't have
any talent.

Relax. I'll set up
a little audition

At the Hollyrock Aquarium.

The Hollyrock Aquarium?

Ooh! I always wanted
to swim there.

Now, baby,
how about some music,

Something nice
and nautical

On my seagull stereo?

It's not much
of a job,

But it sure keeps
your beak sharp. Awkk!

Oh, captain,
you are the coolest!

We never do this
underwater!

You'll be a sensation at
the Hollyrock Aquarium.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What's so funny?

All those landlubbers
out there

Wasting their time
fishing! Ha ha ha!

- Hee hee hee hee!
- Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Fred,
what's with the captain?

Uh, he's dancing
with a mermaid.

Oh. Well, that should
keep him occupied

For a while.

Stroke...

stroke...

[Imitating Captain Blah]
Mr. Rubble, put your back into it!

Stroke...stroke!

Hey, Fred, I hate to intrude
on your good nature,

But when are you
goin' to stroke?

I'm gettin' tired.

No back talk,
mr. Rubble!

Stroke...stroke!

Sorry, captain.
You stroke.

This is a mutiny.

Mutiny, eh?

You get back to
those oars, Mr. Rubble,

Or you'll get
a snootful of this!

Mutiny's over. Stroke, stroke,
stroke, stroke.

It's certainly a nice day
for rowin', eh?

What did I tell you,
Barney? We got a bite!

Reel it in, Fred!
Don't let it get away.

I'm reelin', I'm reelin'!
Get the net ready, Barney!

I got it, Fred!
Got it!

Mmphh! Mmhhh!
Here it comes!

Look at him, Barney!
A real fightin' fish!

I got him, Fred!

Oh, boy, what
a scrapper!

Gee, I was right,
Fred.

Hey, Barney, look!

We landed on an island.

Yeah. Hey, uh, let's
break out our box lunch.

Looks completely
barren.

Not only that,
but there's nothin' here.

It must be off-Season
for tourists.

Anybody on this island...
speak up!

Yeah, I am. Come on,
bring the lunch.

Oh, right, Fred.

[Muttering cheerfully]

Oh, boy.

This is the life.

A pterodactyl leg,
an island,

And you.
Huhh huhh huhh!

Hee hee hee.

Alright, keep quiet
for a while, Barney.

I'm gonna take
a nap.


That's a good idea.
Sure, Fred. Me, too.

[Rumbling]

Barney!

Stop shakin' the island.

It wasn't me, Fred.

Barney,
I'm warning you.

For the last time,
stop shakin' the island!

But--But--But--

Uh-Oh, Fred.
That's water.

I think the island's
sprung a leak.

[Moaning]

Barney, it's alive!

Either that, or the natives
are restless.

Come on, Barney!
Let's go!

Okay, Fred. Whose turn
at the oars?

Shut up and
start stroking!

Stroke...stroke...
stroke!

Mmmrrrr!

Oh, no.
It's Adobe d*ck!

You're so right,
Fred.

Let's bug
outta here!

Yo! I guess we...
gave him the slip.

Yeah. Hey, hey,
Fred, look.

It's a cave,
dead ahead.

Let's row inside.

That monster will never
find us in there.

Good thinking,
Fred.

Oh, boy, am I lucky
to be with you.

Oh, boy, this sure a
real deep cave, Fred?

Too bad we don't own it.
We could charge admission.

I don't know, Barney.

It looks kind of fishy.
Oh, no. Look!

"Jonah was here."

Hey, Fred, that-- That means--
That--That mean's--

That means we're
inside Adobe d*ck,

Swallowed alive!

Yeah, and take a good
look at those teeth!

What about 'em?

No cavities.
Huhh huhh huhh!

Hey, uh, the only cavity
in here

Is in your head!

Now, how are
we gonna get out?

Now, don't panic, Fred.

I'll shout for help.

- Help!
- Help!

Hey, you hear that?

There must be somebody
else down here.

Uh, Barney, that's
only your echo!

I didn't know
I had an echo.

Yankee doodle
went to town

Riding a ponysaurus

Hey, smart echo,
huh, Fred?

Of all the whales,

We had to find one
with a haunted stomach!

Hey, look
at these ribs, Fred.

One thing you can
say about him--

He's really built!

Shave and a haircut...
bay rum

Stop that, Barney!
You want to get him angry?

We're in trouble
enough already. Look!

"Rots o' ruck.
Jonah."

Looks like he's tryin'
to tell us somethin'.

Yeah... but what?

That light. It--It's comin'
from up there.

Hey. Hey,
look at that hole!

Must be
from a harpoon.

Oh, poor fish.
No wonder he's mean.

That's his spout,
you rockhead!

When a whaleasaurus
spouts water,

That's where
it comes from.

Oh, too bad we don't
have a ladder.

We could climb
up and out.

Wait a minute!
I got it!

You got a ladder,
Fred?

No. No, Barney.
We'll build a fire

And send up smoke
signals for help.

Good thinkin', Fred.
And I know how to send 'em.

I used to be
an eaglesaurus scout.

Okay, scout, here's where
you do a good deed.

Get the fire goin'.

Roger.

[Blowing]

Okay, Barney.
Fire's just right.

Send up the signal.

Er, uh, uh, how do we start
the message, Fred?

"Dear sir," or "to
whom it may concern"?

Never mind the fancy stuff!
Just signal for help.

Help it is, Fred.

Uh, er, uh...
how do you spell it?

"H", like in "hurry up"!

[Coughing]

Barney, faster! We'll [choking]
we'll suffocate!

[Coughing]

All done, Fred.

All done.

We should be getting an
answer any minute now.

[Coughing]

[Moaning]

It's the smoke. He must be
allergic to smoke!

[Both coughing]

Maybe we should
have used a filter.

Hold on for your life,
Barney!

G'bye, Barney. It's
been nice knowin' you.

Poor betty and Wilma--

They're practically widows
and don't even know it.

Oh, boy! I think he's finally
takin' a rest.

You okay, Barney?

Yeah. But one thing
for sure--

I'll never check into this
motel again.

We gotta get outta here
before somethin' worse happens.

Yeah, like, he could
burp us to death.

[Burps]

Cut it out, Barney!
Stop givin' him ideas!

Hey, look at this.
A seagullasaurus feather.

You know...it might
be worth a try.

What is, Fred?

Maybe we can tickle our
way outta here.

Uh-Oh. Fred, you're
beginning to cr*ck.

All this blubber's
gettin' on your nerves.

We'll see, Barney.
Here goes!

[Giggling]

It's workin', Barney!

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, I found
another feather, Fred.

I'll be your
assistant tickler.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Faster! Faster, Barney!
He's gettin' hysterical!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, he sure seems to be
enjoyin' it.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Let's go, Barney!

Right, Fred.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

We made it,
Barney.

Yeah, and look
at Adobe d*ck.

He laughed
himself to sleep.

[Snoring]

Wait'll the grand pooh-Bah
sees us with this, Barney.

He'll double the prize money.
What a catch!

But, uh, but, uh--

How do we show him
to the pooh-Bah?

He and the boys are
still out on the boat.

Yeah, that's right,
and by the time they get back,

Adobe d*ck may be
headin' back to sea.

I got it! We'll
take a picture of him!

Yeah! And that'll
prove it to everybody.

Uh-Oh.
My polarock camera.

I left it inside
the you-Know-Who.

No problem there,
Barney.

You just go right
back in and get it.

Sorry, Fred. I hate bein'
a party pooper,

But I'm not goin'.

Barney, would you rather have
a snootful of this?

[Zzz]

[Snoring]

Decisions, decisions.

I tell you what, Fred.
Let me sleep on it, and I'll--

You will be sleepin'
permanently, Barney.

Now, I'm startin'
the countdown. 10,

9, 8--

Here it is, Fred.
Somebody up there likes me.

Alright, now,
Fred. Smile.

Just a minute,
Barney.

I'll put a smile
on Adobe d*ck.

Okay, Barney. Okay.

It's no use, Fred.
It won't work.

I can't get
the whole fish in.

Then back up.

Yeah. Well, why
didn't I think of that?

Still no good, Fred.

Uh, how 'bout holding
him up by the tail?

Barney,
I'm warnin' you!

Now, get
further back,

And hurry
before he wakes up.

Oh, it's startin'
to look better, Fred.

Uh, just a second now,
and I'll--

Fred!

Mmmmrrrrwww!

Hey, d*ck!
d*ck, come back!

H-Here, boy! Please!

He's gone--
Gone forever,

And nobody'll
ever believe me!

There, there,
now, Fred.

Gee...cryin'
over a little fish.

I'm tellin' you, Wilma,
you should have seen that fish.

He was bigger than
this whole neighborhood.

How big, Fred?

Like I told you,

Bigger than this whole
neighborhood!

Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, Fred!

Ha ha ha ha!

Won't anybody believe me?

It's true,
but he got away.

He was the biggest
fish in the world!

[Hah hah hah]

Okay, Dino,
knock it off!

Now, easy, Fred.

We've heard all kinds
of fish stories,

But yours...
ho ho ho!

Ha ha ha ha!

Wilma--

Fred! Fred,
it's okay!

What's okay, Barney?

I just remembered
a picture of you and d*ck.

I snapped it.

You mean you got a picture of me
and adobe d*ck on film?

Yeah. I snapped it
just before I fell off the cliff.

Here. We'll take
a look at it.

Barney, you
are a real pal!

Oh, wait'll you see
this, Wilma!

We'll see who's
tellin' the truth.

Voil?!

Uh-Oh. There's
my finger again.

Well, uh... better luck
next time, Fred.

Barney, come back here!

I'm gonna fix you
for this!

Now, calm yourself, Fred.
There'll be other trips,

Other whales.

I'll whale you,
Barney!

Ho--
Hold it, Fred!

Got it, Fred.
A real action picture.

Uh, how many prints do you want?
How about some blow-Ups?

Come back, I said!
I'm warnin' you!

Flintstones,
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday, maybe Fred

Will win the fight

Then that cat will stay out

For the night

When you're

With the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!
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