05x02 - Judge Ling

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Ally McBeal.

- This is Jenny Shaw.
- I don't like her.

- She's a lawyer, and I've just
hired her to work here.
- You did what?

I have a good feeling
about her, Richard.

Uh, Ally, you're an associate.
We just, uh, hired Corretta.

She comes here
with 72,000 clients.

You have a class action
with 72,000 plaintiffs?

- Yes.
- Against which phone companies?

- All of them.
- All set, Simon?

- You're arguing?
- Hey, Jenny.

Hey. Raymond Millbury.

- Hi. Hi. Ally, uh, McBeal.
- Nice to meet you.

- You still don't trust me.
- I just don't find lawyers
particularly trustworthy.

That I would hire one as
my therapist is... is... Gee.

Richard, Glenn Foy has arrived.

Is this a trick? What
are you doing here?

- What are you doing?
- I work here.

You said you wanted
to talk about the girl,

but you keep
bringing up... the boy.

♪♪

♪ All of the lonely nights ♪

♪ Waiting for you to come
longing to hold you tight ♪

♪ I need you so desperately ♪

♪ Waiting for you to come
bringing your love to me ♪

♪ But I'd wait a million years ♪

♪ Walk a million miles
Cry a million tears ♪

♪ I'd swim the deepest
sea climb the highest hill ♪

♪ Just to have you near me ♪

Remember being
young, having fun?

No.

Don't you all have this
massive deposition...

scheduled for tomorrow
on your class action suit?

Well...

Yeah, i-it's your big witness.
If I understand it correctly,

your case, uh, depends
on her testimony.

Whoo. Hot. Don't you have...

a huge day tomorrow
on your telephone case?

- Yes. So?
- Do you think opposing counsel
is out tonight celebrating?

I mean, what are you
celebrating? I don't know, dad.

- That it's nighttime?
- Hey, guys.

I'm drinking that.

Uh, and don't you know those are
cancer sticks? You can die from cigars.

Jenny. How you doing?

You ever see those old wrinkled people
on the street, in the park... wherever?

You ever stop to think maybe if they had
smoked, they never would have become old?

Hey, after the case is
over, you want to date?

Look at Glenn.

What a clown. ♪
A million years ♪♪

Wow. Who is, uh...
Who's she? Hey.

You're cute. Married?

What?

W-W-W-Wait a second.
You ask me out on a date,

and you're hitting on somebody else
before you even wait for my answer?

- What do you want, exclusive?
- Uh, e-e-exclusive?

- No. No. See, I don't
even want to date you.
- You do too.

- Oh, shut up.
- Who is this man?
- Look, Ally.

Guys can tell when
girls are interested, okay?

You did that little... the little...
You know, I... Look. I can just tell.

You like me. Oh. Oh. Oh, really?

- Okay. So how can you
just tell that I like you?
- Jenny told me.

- What?
- Shut up!
- Who is this man?

- I do not like him.
- Too.
- Shut up.

- Raymond! You ready for the big depo?
- Ah, please!

I've studied up more for a urine
test. They let anybody sing up there?

- Ally and I are gonna go out.
- No, no, no. We are not.

- Who is this man?
- Just get it out of your head.

- I-I'm not dating you.
- Fine. Ooh.

Who's she?

Married?

- Hey.
- You were still
gonna drink it?

No. No. I'm-I'm-I'm gonna
pick it up and pour it...

No, no, no. Don't do that.
He'd only enjoy it. Just...

Ignore him.

- I've already moved on
to, uh, Dairy Queen here.

You know, I love fake blondes.

- Hey. I'm artificial.
- Who is this man?

- I saw that.
- What? Wh-What now?

You were looking at Glenn.
You like him. Oh, Jenny.

I saw. You want to sleep
with him, which is okay.

♪♪ I do not want
to sleep with Glenn!

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

The-The whole bar heard it.

"I do not want to
sleep with Glenn."

I couldn't have yelled it
louder if-if-if... If it were true?

It is true.

I don't want to sleep
with Glenn. Allyson.

Give me your tapered hand.

There's a song, uh,
that once spoke to me.

I surely thought
it spoke to Freud,

but it was, in fact,
composed after his lifetime.

It went:

"Yummy, yummy, yummy.
I've got love in my tummy."

And the message of the
song specifically to me?

You say you don't
want Glenn in a...

In a carnal way.

But part of you wants
that little gumdrop...

stuck in your teeth.

The truth screams
to me, Allyson.

It doesn't concern you?
Why should it concern me?

They bring in these
young lawyers...

God, it's more like a
frat house than a law firm.

Ow!

They're not weapons. I'm sorry.

Oh, I so prefer the
deaf to the blind.

Ow!

What is this, "Run
into Ling Day"?

I am so sorry. I was
looking at my twins.

Oh, yes. And aren't those...

the two most
beautiful babies ever?

Thank you.

You know, I see a lot of
babies, and it's really no big deal,

but those... they just
take my breath away.

Yes.

Makes you just want to
quit the law and breed.

Ling Woo, birth mother.
Hello. Aren't you cute?

You...

Okay. Uh, first up...
Where is everybody?

I-It's past 9:00. John,
isn't it past, uh, 9:00?

What am I, your timekeeper?

You seem a little testy.
Is everything all right?

My life is loveless. Move along.

I hope we're not too late. It would
k*ll us to miss a single second.

The room feels hostile.

Yeah. Never mind.
It's a big day today.

- Are you ready
for the deposition?
- I am.

- Uh, who's second chair? Ally or Glenn?
- Did I hear my name?

We like to start things
on time here, youngster.

- What's that you're eating?
- That's a hamburger.

- You want a bite?
- Oh.

It's 9:15. Yeah, my stomach
just growls for a Whopper.

If you knew the time,
why didn't you just tell me?

Just...

All right. Let's just all take
a deep breath and-and...

say, "Today, we're
gonna be in a good mood."

Love her.

When I grow up,
I want to be you.

All right. Uh, the deposition. Uh,
Jenny, Ally, Glenn... you ready?

- Ready.
- Why is this deposition so important?

Because if we don't make
a showing on the damages,

which we might not,
since they're not economic,

then we could lose
at summary judgment.

And we need the named
plaintiff to make the showing.

Why are you looking at Glenn?

What? Am I missing something?

I just always
wonder if I'm missing

something when my
second and third chairs...

look at each other
behind my back.

Did I not lay out the
stakes correctly? No.

You laid them out
fine. D-Do you, um,

think that maybe we could get
together after the staff meeting?

Ling, you've been summoned by
the chief justice of the superior court.

If it's for jury duty,
tell them I'm dead.

He said 10:00, dead
or alive. Your choice.

Want to put it to a vote?

- Are we adjourned?
- Yeah. Uh, fine. Yeah.

Fine. Fine. Jenny.

I've disappointed you.

L-Listen. Um,

I really don't appreciate you
telling me who I'm attracted to.

Oh, that's just girl talk.
Well, it feels more accusatory,

especially when it
involves your ex-boyfriend,

who I'm not attracted
to, by the way.

And I really don't like
listening to you telling me...

how when I meet a
man I look down at my

breasts to make sure
they're still in place.

No, I do that. You
check your outfit.

Jenny... You... S-Sorry.

I really enjoy our
new friendship.

As... Ah...

And I look forward to a
lot of girl talk sessions...

about drapes, clothes, guys...
The important things in life.

But... But-But this, um, "Tourette's-ian"
blurting "You like him"... I just...

I-I'm not comfortable with that.

I'm so sorry. I never meant...

God! It's been three days,
and I already bug you.

You don't bug me. I do.

No, you don't. Too!

Okay. Okay. This-This bugs me.

See? Okay, Jenny.

Sorry.

We just have to learn each
other's rhythms, and we'll be fine.

Right.

Okay.

So, sorry again.

By the way, for what it's worth,

you strike me as the most
honest person I've ever met.

Well... thank you.

I... Well, I-I like to think of
myself as honest. Thank you.

So, it surprises me when you say
that you're not attracted to Glenn,

because I know you are.

I think he's cute.

Really cute.

Really cute. But I have
absolutely no designs, okay?

I don't want to go out with
him. He's not right for me,

or vice versa, so you don't
have to worry about it, okay?

I'm not worried. I think it
would be great. You would?

Aha! Jenny.

Ally, I'm not gonna lie.

It would be an adjustment for
me, but I would be okay with it.

In fact, he's the best man I know,
and you might be the best woman, so,

it could be perfect.

I'm not gonna date him, okay?

Okay.

This better be good.

How old are you?

You encountered a woman on the street
and complimented her on her children.

So, what, she filed a complaint?

I was clearly reaching out
to someone less fortunate.

That woman is the
governor of Massachusetts.

She's offering you a judgeship.

What? Evidently you
imp... Uh, thank you.

She wants to make
me a judge? Yes.

A real one? Yes. If you...

want it.

When would this happen?
They'd swear you in today.

You could be on
the bench tomorrow.

Do I have to know the law?

Not really. You'd have clerks.

Judge Ling.

I like it.

So what happened
to the big deposition?

Oh, i-it's in 20 minutes.
It's at 11:00. Oh.

These, uh... These kids... y-you
think they're, uh... they're good lawyers?

Well, Jenny was
good in court, and, uh,

Glenn... I haven't really
checked him out yet.

Good-looking youngster.

Glenn?

Uh... Well, yeah.

Well...

All right. Carry on.

John.

The other day, you
were saying about, uh,

friends can be lovers,
and lovers can be friends,

and maybe it was
in the cards for me.

Wh-What did you
mean by all that?

I... I don't know.

Why?

You and I have always had this
connection. Would you agree?

Mmm. Yeah.

And you've always had
this intuition about my life.

Well,

yeah, I do.

So, I was wondering...

if maybe you had an intuition that
something was in the cards for me.

Well...

John. John. We both
know what's going on here.

We do?

You think that I'm
about to meet somebody,

or that I'm gonna become lovers
with somebody who's my friend.

Is that it?

Well, perhaps.

Oh, John, you know what?

You're not merely
my friend, are you?

No.

You're more like my big brother.

Yeah.

Carry on.

♪ Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love in my tummy ♪

♪ And I feel like lovin' you ♪

♪ Love is such a sweet thing
"good enough to eat" thing ♪

♪ And that's just
what I'm gonna do ♪♪

Jenny, where's the
client? It's 10 to 11:00.

Um, maybe her flight was delayed.
She was supposed to be landing...

W-W-Wait a second. You-You
haven't prepped her for this deposition?

No. I prepped her by phone. She's
been at her summerhouse in Maine.

Okay. Well, she
better get here, or...

What, are we late?

No. We're just
running a little... late.

- This is where you've come to work.
- A lot of talent here, Simon.

- Got your, uh, soft serve,
your thin mint.
- Hey. Hey. No, you...

Ally, Ally, Ally. Raymond
likes to rattle women...

by playing the Neanderthal card.

Don't bite.

Oh, uh, I'm-I'm fine, Glenn.

I'm-I'm not easily intimidated.

Um, why don't you just
wait in the conference room.

Hello. I'm looking
for Jenny Shaw.

That's me.

Hello! I'm Claire Otoms.

Hello, little Jenny.
You're lovely.

You sounded somewhat thicker
on the telephone, I'm afraid.

But you're not. You're
lovely. You're slim.

You're almost exquisite.

Thank you.

Um, Claire, this
is, uh, Glenn Foy.

- Hello.
- Ally McBeal. This is Claire
Otoms, our named plaintiff.

Oh, you're all so, so
young. I adore the young.

You know, they say that youth is
wasted on the young, but I don't think so.

- This is the named plaintiff?
- Are you a lawyer?

- I am.
- Well, I hope
you're on my side.

Oh, Jenny, isn't he strapping?

Ally... Excu... Um, excuse
us for one second. Jenny.

Yeah.

Just go right over
here. Yes. Yes.

Um, this is the named
plaintiff? I guess.

Wait. You-You
never met her before?

Well, I was the named
plaintiff until the judge said...

I couldn't be the named plaintiff and
the lead attorney, so I moved her up.

She was so compelling
in her interrogatories.

Yeah. And our case
hinges, um, on that?

Hello!

- Oh. Oh.
- When do we start
our depositions?

Well, um, I guess now.

I have the draft of...

- Shall I... Shall I leave it?
- Desk.

Okay, then.

When you get a... a
break, could I talk to you?

I'm free.

What, um, were you doing?

Isometrics. Increases
the blood flow.

It's an antiaging technique.

Oh. It's not important.

Okay.

John.

I know it's none of
my business, but...

I heard you refer to your
life as loveless earlier.

Would you like to meet
somebody? Well, who?

I don't have anybody
specific in mind, but...

Well, I don't like to admit this, though
I'm not ashamed of it or anything...

What? I paid my way through law
school by doing men makeovers.

Men makeovers?

Yes.

You think I need a makeover?

Well, maybe a
touch, here and there.

- What sort of touch?
- Do you remember
when we first met?

Yes. What of it?
Well, I don't remember.

First impressions count for so
much, and you don't make one.

We need to change that. I'm not gonna
have a makeover, Corretta. Thank you.

Okay. I just thought I'd offer.

Well, men don't get makeovers.

Again, I just thought I'd
offer. The draft is on your desk.

That's fine.

Ye... Yeah. All right.

Got it.

It's a dreadful annoyance.

I come home after a busy day, and
the telephone nearly assaults me.

I've turned the ringer up,
because my hearing is...

My hearing is wonderful.

But I think the ringer should be
loud so the help can hear it, don't you?

It's a terrible thing, trying to relax
in the comfort of your own home,

and have your telephone,
well, leap at you.

- I've lost track
of the question.
- Is this a joke?

Is this one of
your jokes, Glenn?

Not a joke.

Uh, where do you
live, Ms. Otoms?

I live in Winchester.

I live in a colonial home.

I love that word "colonial."

Don't you? You know, it
reminds me of frankfurters.

By the way, did you know that
frankfurters are made of intestines?

It wouldn't bother me so
much, except I enjoy them.

They're wonderful.

Sometimes I get these long-distance
solicitations in the middle of supper.

I've got a good mind to
use that as a deterrent.

I could just say, "Please
call me back later. I'm busy.

I'm dining off the
intestines of a cow."

- I'm not fallin' for this.
- Not a joke.

Where do you live, Ally?

Do you live in a colonial home?

Oh, look at the way
those clothes hang off her.

She's lovely.

There's no way they'll
let you wear purple.

I'm not gonna ask. I'm just gonna
take the bench and look stunning.

- Hold still, please.
- No.

Ling, with all due respect, do
you really think being a judge is...

your niche?

How hard can it be?
You just form opinions.

Yes, but are you gonna like
it? You're supposed to be fair.

Oh, please. Stop it!

We live in a litigious
society, Nelle.

Everybody running
off to court. It's stupid.

It's up to the judge to
make them feel stupid.

Stop it.

I can do that.

♪ Every time we meet ♪

♪ Everything is sweet ♪

♪ Ooh, you're so
tender I must surrender ♪

♪ My love is your
love now and forever ♪

♪ You're the one
that I long to kiss ♪

♪ Baby, you're the
one that I really miss ♪

It wasn't a disaster.
It wasn't a disaster?

Okay. They'll be
offering that transcript to

Judge Walsh. Well, at
least he won't see her.

Ally, will you tell him it's not
a disaster? It was a disaster.

Why? Jenny, the
judge is gonna decide...

whether this case lives or dies
on the basis of that deposition.

Now-Now... Now, I
am totally with Glenn.

On his... his... his, um...
his... his assessment. Look.

I explained to Claire the
importance of this deposition.

Tomorrow, when we question her,

she is going to be more
persuasive, less grand...

and ultimately winning.

All right. So-So tomorrow
we just go in and we do better.

Yeah. Yeah. It's-It's
as simple as that.

Now, let's just go
drink and-and not panic.

Love her.

A makeover. That's
what she said.

What, am I not attractive
anymore, Richard?

Oh, come on, John. You have
money. That makes you handsome.

You know, last year I
considered myself fairly irresistible.

I mean, women just loved me.

Of course they did. But
you consider the women.

Kimmy needed her mother
to chaperone her on dates.

Melanie barked during sex. Maybe it's just
the freakish women who are drawn to me.

No, th-that's not true, John. You're
just being sensitive now. Come on.

Hello!

Is this seat taken?

Don't you love the band?

- They're gorgeous, aren't they?
- ♪ You're the one
that I long to kiss ♪

♪ Baby, you're the
one that I really miss ♪

♪ You're the one that
I'm dreaming of ♪♪

I-I know that, uh, Jenny
has stressed this with you,

but-but I want you
to hear it from me.

It's all right, dear.

You're lovely. You are lovely.

Oh. I-I-I need you to
limit your testimony...

to the repeated calls that you
got from the telephone company.

Oh, those wretched calls in the
middle of my supper, Ally. Exactly. Oh.

Talking of which.

Glenn, I see you share...

my love of intestines.

Oh, please, this
is my breakfast.

I must confess, I sometimes grab
one of those quite early in the day.

Just a quickie.

Claire. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- He went to court.
- Who?

Your friend Raymond. He went in ex
parte and moved for an evidentiary hearing.

What are you talking about? Well, he
argued that the court should witness...

the demeanor of the named
plaintiff, and Judge Walsh agreed,

so now we have to finish
our deposition in court.

Judge Walsh will
see her? Mmm, yes.

- She's already sworn in?
- Yeah. Last night.

I-I keep thinking
it must be a trick.

Mm-hmm. On mankind. All rise.

The honorable Judge Woo...
Never mind. Who's first?

- Case number 326...
- Ah, that one's boring.

Uh, I want the TV station one.

Pamela Whoop?

"Hoop." The "W" is silent.

When you say it maybe.

You're suing a station for
a bad weather forecast?

Yes. I planned an outdoor
birthday party, Your Honor,

for over 200 people.

The forecast that WGBD
gave was sunny and clear.

This is New England.
I understand that.

- And I realize that...
- You lose.

Next case.

Case number 32448.
Stephenson versus Forester.

This is the broken engagement?

Yes, it is, Your Honor. She refuses
to return the ring, even though...

- You were engaged how long?
- Uh, six weeks.

She slept with you
during this time?

Well, yes, we
had relations, but...

She gets to keep
the ring. Next case.

It cost $6,000.

Look at her. Look at
you. She gets to keep it.

Go to the corridor and talk
about the weather. Next!

33647.

Hey, Elaine. Hi, John.

I was just thinking.

Remember the first time
you and I actually met?

No.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Uh...

I'm not sure that I'm
interested in a makeover,

but I do have a
friend who is curious.

Ah.

Well, I'm not really comfortable
giving it to people I don't know.

So, how about I just show you
and you could show your friend?

Oh. Well, uh, okay. Uh...

The first is clothes,
which is easy.

Hair and face I don't touch,
except for the eyebrows, slightly.

Eyebrows? Thicker
eyebrows are a sign of virility.

Women, on an unconscious
level, are looking for mates.

Heavy eyebrows translate
to higher sperm count.

Don't ask me why.
The big change is...

What? I design bodysuits.

Bodysuits? Very, very subtle.

Biceps, triceps,

pecs, glutes and shoulders,

worn under the clothes.

Nobody knows. They have the feel
and texture of muscles and body fat.

Oh, oh, I'm sure my friend
would say that's ridiculous.

What you need to
tell him is just try it.

If he doesn't get immediate
results, he can forget it.

I... I got an idea. What?

I don't know your friend. He might
not be too quick to take my word for it,

but perhaps if you tried it and you
were convinced, you could convince him.

Uh, I... Okay. That...
It does seem logical.

I'll bring my stuff in.

We have plenty of other plaintiffs,
Your Honor, and we feel that...

- This is the named plaintiff?
- Well, that's simply a matter of
court reporting. It doesn't...

Look. I ordered the deposition
of the named plaintiff.

I don't like surprises. Um,
well, you're about to get one.

And we feel Ms. Otoms isn't the
most representative of the class.

If she doesn't represent the class,
then how many others of the 72,000 do?

Is she here? Yes, she's
here, uh, Your Honor, but...

- Then call her to the stand.
- Ah. Your Honor...

Ms. Otoms, if you're
out there, please step up.

Hello!

I'm here. Isn't this exciting?

And what a historic
old room this is.

Look at this paneling. It goes so well
with this frock. I'm so glad I wore it.

Isn't he lovely?

C-Can I take it? I
was hoping you would.

I'm Claire Otoms, and I'm...

absolutely thrilled to meet you.

Miss. What? Oh.

Isn't this exciting? It's
like being on television.

Swear to tell the whole truth
and nothing but the whole truth?

Do I strike you as a person
capable of the whole truth?

Uh, uh, but-but-but you will tell the
truth about this case, right, Ms. Otoms?

Certainly. Isn't she
lovely? She's gorge...

Gorgeous.

Oh. Forgive me,
Your Majesty. I... I...

I suffer... I suffer
from acid reflux.

Acid reflux is a curse.

I only get it when I'm
nervous. It affects my voice.

It's horrible.

Ms. Otoms. Claire.

Isn't she lovely?

Claire, you're suing
the phone companies.

M-Many of them, in fact. Uh,
can-can you tell the court why?

Because that lovely little
button Jenny asked me to.

Didn't you... Jenny?

Well, did you...

suffer any damages as a
result of the solicitations?

I most certainly did.

Those wretched people call me over and
over again, disrupting my peace and quiet.

Why is it that people place no
premium on peace and quiet these days?

They don't even
rake their own yards.

They use those
wretched leaf blowers,

buzzing around like hornets.

I live in a... well, a supposedly
peaceful neighborhood, Your Honor.

In a colonial home.

Claire. The calls.

What calls? From the
telephone company!

I-I ap... I apologize.

You didn't need
to raise your voice.

I know. I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm a vulnerable woman.

I wasn't prepared for this.
Oh, you're such a little thing.

What would you be, size two?

Such a booming voice.

You caught me unawares.

Claire, we really need you to
tell us about the phone calls...

and-and how you think
you've been damaged.

I don't feel like
talking about it.

Ma'am, if you don't tell us
how you've been harmed,

I might dismiss this
entire case of action.

Hey. Hey.

Have you lost then? Oh, I
don't know. I-It doesn't look good.

And what about you and the boy?

Oh, I'm completely over the boy.

Ally, give me your hand.

Liar.

Oh... Ally, I know
life, and I know love.

The boy. He's the
transitional partner...

you must navigate through in
order to reach love's final destination.

What are you saying?

Let yourself go. Free-fall...

with the transitional boy.

It's true love's way.

"True love's way"?

Mm-hmm.

It's often a very
mysterious journey.

- It wasn't your fault.
- Of course it was my fault.

I just slotted her in
as the named plaintiff

without even
bothering to meet her.

Well, Jenny, the
case was a long sh*t.

Which means I need to pick
the strongest of named plaintiffs.

Jen... And the only
reason that I have this job,

by the way, is because
of this big case.

And as soon as the judge
dismisses it, which he is going to do...

Jen... And my
father once told me...

that every time I screw up, I
pop a freckle, and-and look.

Um, well... I don't,
uh... I don't see...

And-And I miss you.

There, I said it.
Is that a crime?

Is it terrible to miss somebody
you're totally over? No.

No, I miss you too.

Well, is this, like, the most
insane idea... try to work together?

Well, as opposed to what?

As opposed to... As opposed to
never seeing each other again?

I mean, we were doing
it pretty well before.

And... And I s... I s...

And I still love you, and I know
that we're not right for each other,

and I am way past
wanting to be together,

but, you know, I
just still love you,

and if we're gonna work
together, then I just...

I gotta... I gotta
get that out there.

Okay.

Hey. We-We-We
just... We just got...

Sorry.

I think she likes you.

Ally?

Every time you walk in the room, she
does the head thing. She... She looks down.

So, do you like her?

Oh, look out. 'Cause
I wouldn't mind.

Will you stop.

Excuse me. Uh, the
clerk just called, and, uh,

the judge has a ruling.

See? Feels real.

Under a shirt, it looks
completely natural.

Is it saline? No. It's a gel.

Harder in the muscle
areas than in the fatty.

It's so light. And
it's not too hot.

Try the glute shorts.
Oh, I don't know.

John, your friend's
gonna want glutes.

It's where a lot of
women look first.

Well, he wouldn't
want a big butt.

It won't be big. And what
about the people who know me?

Uh, him. I mean, won't...
won't they detect the fraud?

Well, I would sort of recommend
that he go away to a spa for a week,

so if they start to ask, he can at
least say that he's been pumping.

Oh!

Oh. Mmm. Mmm?

Mm-hmm? Now, eventually,

if he becomes intimate with a
woman, she's going to discover the truth.

Oh, by the time two people
decide to become intimate, John,

the truth doesn't
matter as much.

- Why do you think
we pad our bras?
- Yeah.

I do look pretty buff. Mmm.

Excuse me. Your Honor?

Who is this person?

I'm Todd Paradisio. I'm the general
manager of WGBD, the station that was...

Yes. That case is over.
This is ex parte, and I'm busy.

Well, this'll just take a second.
I want to put you on television.

Who doesn't? Your second
is over. I'm not kidding.

Look. We can start locally, but I
think it would have nationwide appeal.

Now, we do the same
kind of small-claims cases.

You wear your purple robe.

I mean, hey. Judge Judy
makes seven figures a year.

And, with the right
lighting, you're cuter.

How nationwide?

I think we could sell you
in almost every market.

I mean, think of it. We'll
pay you to be a bitch.

- And she's happy
being one for free.
- Judge Ling,

this is meant to be.

The phone companies are, no doubt,
annoying with these pestering calls.

We all know they have no
compunction about annoying us.

But to say that rises to
the level of harassment,

making way for emotional
distress damages... that's ridiculous.

The plaintiff's
claim is dismissed.

Uh, well... However,
Ms. Otoms's...

likening the annoyance
to the leaf blower...

She hit on what the case
really is and should be about.

If somebody disrupts the
quiet enjoyment of one's home,

then it's a claim of nuisance.

I'm allowing the plaintiffs to refile their
class action suit as a nuisance claim.

We'll continue with discovery as
is and set a trial date for January.

- Adjourned.
- Oh!

You did it.

I-I... I can't believe it.

♪ Sooner or later
love is gonna get ya ♪

♪ Sooner or later girl,
you've got to give it ♪

♪ Sooner or later
love is gonna let ya ♪

♪ Sooner or later
love is gonna win ♪

I wouldn't expect you to be in
such a good mood, Raymond.

You usually sulk when you
lose. Oh, what? You thought I lost?

I don't want this case to
be over. It's a cash cow.

Oh, I forgot about the merits.
♪ Told you time and again ♪

♪ I'll get all the love
you've been denyin' ♪

So, uh, how are you
and Jenny doing?

Are-Are you gonna be
able to work together?

Yeah, I think so.
I-It's not hard?

You... Oh, you know, with you two
being, um, apart? Well, you know.

Well, it's just that when you practice law
with-with somebody that you... you love...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's
best we're on opposite sides.

Hey. Hey. I-I don't...
I don't... I don't...

Just-Just-Just go with
it. Just-Just-Just... relax.

Hello. Hi.

What is...

- ♪ Looking for love ♪
- ♪ All the wrong places ♪

♪ Gotta get ya, girl ♪

- ♪ From this illusion ♪
- ♪ Gonna save your heart ♪

- You're going away?
- Yeah. To a spa.

It's just for a week. Time
to get my body in shape.

For a week? Wh-What sort of
shape are you looking to get in?

Well, all I need is a little toning,
Richard. Just you wait and see.

♪ Love is gonna win
Love is gonna win ♪

♪ It's just a matter of time ♪

♪ Before you make up your mind ♪

♪ Make up your mind, girl ♪ ♪ To
give all the love that you've been hiding ♪

♪ It's just a question of when
I told you time and again ♪♪

Why would a jury ever award money
just because a phone company...

A giant, monopolistic
phone company. Taxi!

Hey! He...

Oh, so it's antitrust now.
No, no. I didn't say antitrust.

- - Hey. Hey! It's
you're the big guys,

and we're the little guys, and juries
love to whack the rich and powerful.

And I'm a better lawyer than
you. Oh, you're a better lawyer.

Hey, come on! Whoa!

All right. Rope trick.
Cross the street. You cross.

It was my idea.
Yeah, then you cross.

Do they always bicker like that?

Always. But
they're good friends.

We're good friends,
right? Jenny...

I'm really not the most insecure person
on earth. It's just, at the moment...

I almost kissed
him today. Glenn.

Really? God.

Well, maybe you two aren't over.

No, we are. Trust me.
And I want it to be. It's just...

- No. you're goin' down. Come on.
- I mean, look at them.

They're like little kids.

Why is it we say we're looking
for mature, responsible partners,

when we're really attracted
to the bratty two-year-olds?

Hey. Thanks so much for
stopping, guy. Hey, girls.

Got a cab. Come on. Let's go.

Yes, sir. Let's go. Let's
go. Let's go. Got a cab.

Cab. Yeah.

Um, well... well,
that-that was... Whoo-hoo.

Well, you know, oh, actually,
that's okay. I-I live right over there.

I'm just a few streets
down. You guys just take it.

- We'll drop you.
- No, I'll... I'll walk Ally. Go ahead.

No. You don't even
look at her. She's mine.

- Oh, get a brain.
- Now don't forget that.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Phew. Well.

Well. Uh, I... I can't
believe we won in court.

Can you? Oh. No.

No. How about it? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I... I live
right over there.

Oh. Okay. Yeah. We should...

Uh, so... so, how's... how's it
been working with Jenny so far?

You asked me
that in the bar. Oh.

I did? Well, did you answer?

Ally... Oh, uh,
this is... this is...

This is me. 543.

S-So, um, why
aren't you a couple?

I mean, ask me, you seem, uh,
like you would be great together.

Well, we are great together.
Just not as a couple.

I mean, as friends,
we're inseparable.

We talk about everything.
We share everything.

But as soon as we're a couple,
we're fighting and judging one another.

I mean, we've been on
and off again so many...

The last time, we started
not to like each other.

And that's when
it's gotta be wrong.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, um, uh, night.

Good night.

Ally, I... Oh.

Um... It's... a
little unusual...

to meet someone and feel...

I don't know. Like...

Like you want to take
care of her or something.

And, uh, so...

The fact you feel that way
about Jenny, I'm really very...

I'm just really impressed.

Hmm. Yeah.

Well, she's a, um...
A special person.

Yeah, she is.

And for you to notice
that so immediately,

you must have something
special about you too.

Oh. Well... Well,
thank you, but...

Anyway, thanks
for looking after her,

and, um, it's... it's just
great to, well, know you.

Uh, well, likewise.

Yeah.

Um... ♪ Just you know why ♪

One other thing.

♪ Why you and I ♪

Since you're helping Jenny...

♪ Will by and by ♪

I, uh... ♪ Know true love ways ♪

Well, in helping her,

you might be confused because of
my closeness with her, that we're still...

For your own clarity, so
as best to give her guidance,

you should be clear
that Jenny and I...

are definitely over as a couple.

Got it.

Good.

Well, I'll see you at work.

See you there.

♪ Sometimes we'll sigh ♪

♪ Sometimes we'll cry ♪

♪ And we'll know why ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ Know true love ways ♪♪

You stinker!