05x10 - One Hundred Tears

[bunniefuu]

Previously. I see a carpenter.

Oh.

Oh, my. Uh, hi. Uh...

The bank sent me. There's
an electrical problem.

They want me to bring the place up to
code. I'll be working in your basement.

A matchmaker? I
paid her $23,000.

- No match?
- I live for challenge.

So you're used to
having difficult cases.

Oh, I want the hopeless.
Are you kidding?

- I'd love to try
fixing up your partner.
- Objection!

You're beaten. Just admit it.

I'm not beaten, little man.

It's gonna take
longer than I thought.

I could probably come
back later if that's okay.

Okay. Thanks.

Did he come with the house,
because if he did, you got... Oh, Richard!

Why are we going to
court? I told you. I got

a call from a criminal
who wants to hire me.

Yes, but why am I going?
Because I'm afraid of criminals...

and I don't wanna go
alone. Oh, look at that.

That is hot.

Oh, Elaine, do you think
you could control yourself?

Oh, I'm desperate, okay?

I just signed up with Kimmy's
matchmaker. You did?

It can't hurt. They got
Corretta and Richard.

I can't believe
you just did that.

I know. I know. Neither can I. Don't
you... Don't you dare tell anybody.

Who would believe
it? Other than him.

Can I smell yours now?

Uh-oh. Hello.

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

I can let you in.

He's not dangerous.

O-O... Okay. Uh...

Uh, Mr. Hall, um... Um... Do...

Do I know you? Not really.
But thank God you're here.

- This is
my assistant, Elaine.
- Hello, Elaine.

Hi. Listen, um, since
your trial starts today,

I just don't think it's good
for me to just jump in...

The other lawyers don't get it.

When I was at my
arraignment, I saw you in court.

Uh, I've been trying to
track you down ever since.

The clerk's office
gave me a picture book

with the lawyers, and
that's how I found you.

Mr. Hall,

I don't specialize
in-in criminal law.

It doesn't matter. You can fly.

I'm sorry? You
believe, Ms. McBeal.

I knew it the second I
saw you. You can fly.

Why would you think that?
Because you've done it.

First I want you to jot down
what you're all looking for, okay?

Tall, dark and handsome.

Oh, please. Got
anything with wattle?

- Uh, wh-why are we here?
- Just go with it.

I'm not gonna "just go with it,"
Corretta. I'm not a "go with it" person.

You should be ashamed
of yourself, Ms. Pumple,

exploiting the
loneliness of others.

Sorry I'm late. Oh,
Elaine, you can go first.

Since some of us
seem to be resistant.

Now, specifically, what
do you look for in a man?

A pulse and a penis. Not
necessarily in that order.

I would like a man who's kind,

who dreams of making love
to me as I sing a song on stage,

one song after another
after another after another.

- Okay, okay. Uh, Richard?
- Hmm?

Oh, uh, I look for many
qualities in a woman, Harriet.

Uh, honest, kind, funny. But mainly, I'd
like somebody thin who used to be fat.

Somebody who lost, say, 75 pounds and the
stretched skin just hangs from her neck.

- You know, a kind, gentle woman
with, uh, drip wattle.
- Ew. Make me vomit.

Maybe you should just stop
complaining and tell her what you want.

- Or tell her who,
since we all know.
- Richard...

I'm just trying to help. I'm your friend,
your-your colleague, your, uh... Ally.

That does it.

It's silly. All right?

As curmudgeonly as
you can be, when you

lash out like that, it
means you're hurting.

Are you? You didn't find that
deeply humiliating? A matchmaker?

I find it deeply humiliating to
keep showing up at the bar alone.

I find it embarrassing
to always go home solo.

I-I-I gotta tell you something.

In light of world events,
values have changed.

Your values have changed?

Mine? God, no. But women's.

They don't care so much
about money anymore,

which renders you and I a lot less
attractive, and we need the help.

I'm lonely, John.

Really?

You don't think having a
matchmaker is just a little desperate?

I do.

And we're not above desperate.

When we returned from the movies, we
heard the ruckus upstairs, and we knew.

He was back. Who
was back, Mr. Brickle?

The defendant. He'd broken into
the house. He was in my son's room.

You say, "He was back." Had
he been in your house before?

Oh, yes. Yeah. This
was the, uh, ninth time.

And what happened after
you heard the ruckus this time?

Well, I ran up the
stairs, figuring it was him.

I went into Timmy's room,
and there he was at the window,

with these huge
homemade wings on.

And what'd you do? Well, before
I could do anything, he jumped.

He jumped? Right out the window.

Uh... Uh, started flapping
his wings like a giant condor.

He landed on the
ground with a thud.

It isn't true. If I fell straight down,
I would have broken my legs.

Listen, what I would like to
do is argue diminished capacity.

Uh, technically,
it's an affirmative

defense that should
have been raised before.

But since I just started...
Insanity? How am I insane?

Well, um...

No, you... you think
that you can, um,

fly.

What happened to you?

Wh-What do you
mean? You're a flyer.

I know you are. When
I saw you, I just...

Okay.

I... Okay, I...

I used to dream that
I could fly sometimes.

Ally, if a person can dream...

Uh, listen, um... So...
up next, you testify.

Now, you have to tell the jury, you
know, how you-you didn't break in to steal,

just to... to take,
uh, to the sky.

And as for now, you're
free. You can... You can go.

I can? Yeah. I paid your bail.

It wasn't much, and... Well, you're
not considered a... a flight risk.

Was it when you tried to escape?

I'm sorry? When you'd fly.

♪♪

♪ I felt he found my letters ♪

♪ And read each one out loud ♪

♪ I prayed that
he would finish ♪

♪ But he just kept right on ♪

♪ Strummin' my pain... ♪♪

♪♪

Uh, do-do you have a second?

Why?

Well, I, uh... I apologize.

No, what-what
happened this morning.

See, when I was seven,
I-I-I smelled the butt of a boy.

A boy that I later dated, and we used
to joke that it was love at first whiff.

And-And on some
crazy, impulsive lark,

I-I-I saw you bending over,
and I did not know that it was you,

and for old times'
sake, what the hell.

I-I'm going through the

stop-and-smell-the-roses
segment of my life,

and there were no roses
around, just your thorny...

Sorry. I'm... Ally,

I'm sure you have a very high
pressure job. But me and my friends here,

we're not just sexual
objects put on the

street for you corporate
women to drool over.

They're human beings.

In fact, that's Richie,
Derek, Alfonso and Big Mike.

- Say hello.
- Hello.

Thank you. And I promise
not to objectify you in the future.

I appreciate that. So it was
nice seeing you anyway, again.

It's nice seeing you.

My brother's crazy, Ms. McBeal.

Okay. Well, has he been
diagnosed with a... with a specific...

No. No, uh, there's no
diagnosed mental deficiency, but...

Well, he's... he's become
dysfunctional lately.

He can't seem to hold a job. And these
incessant break-ins into our old house.

And all over this
obsession with flying.

When did the obsession
start? It's been lifelong.

When he was 10, he put a cape on his
back and jumped out like he was Superman.

He broke both his legs. You'd
think he would have learned.

These break-ins are
the newest chapter.

Well, I'm trying to persuade him
to go with a diminished capacity.

He doesn't like it when
you call him crazy. I know.

Could he go to prison over
this? This is his ninth offense.

He-He could go to
prison for a very long time.

I'm gonna meet him tonight,
and I'm gonna try to persuade him.

And you think with
insanity, he could get off?

Well, I, you
know... I don't know.

But I do know that
it's his only chance.

♪♪

♪ Go ahead and sail now ♪

♪ Just give in to the ocean ♪

♪ The only way
to tame your fear ♪

♪ Is to feel her rocky motion ♪♪

- Ally! Come in. Come in.
- Thank you.

- Wow.
- It feels so good
to be home again.

Well, you've got
quite a place, Harvey.

Uh, thank you. Um,
have you eaten anything?

Because I can make you something
if you like. Uh, no, no. I'm fine.

But... But... thank you.

Look... at all of
your-your wings.

Oh, a constant work in progress.

See, the problem with just
jumping out a window is...

I couldn't get enough thrust.

Um, this is my
latest. Look, look.

I have compensated with
an exaggerated air foil.

- This will give me
additional propulsion.
- Feathers are-are just...

- Aren't they fabulous?
- Yeah.

Look at this. You
see this top layer?

This actually
functions as a suction.

Air passes. Sucks you upward.

My next jump, Ally.
I'm gonna make it.

Harvey... I've been working out.

You see, before,
my-my triceps, Harvey...

They were not developed enough
for really strong flapping. Harvey...

But I am ready now. Harvey...

You need to let me
argue diminished capacity.

I'm not crazy.

I mean, it's not like I'd jump out
of an airplane without a parachute.

I've already done this
well enough not to get hurt.

But why are you
doing it? Because...

I just have to.
It's like a quest.

Remember Don Quixote?

He needed a quest.
He fought dragons.

Well, actually, they were windmills,
and... and Don Quixote was mad.

You know,

when I first saw you in-in
court at my arraignment,

you reminded me of Dulcinea.

What's wrong? Ally,
uh, what's wrong?

Nothing. Uh...

It's just that my father used
to sing "Dulcinea" to me...

as I was growing up.

Tell me about
when you would fly.

Harriet's got my man. Already?

How long could it take? She
narrowed her list to "anybody."

As a matter of fact, I made a special
request, which made her job a lot easier.

Oh, "special request."
Grumpy old man.

John.

I'm told sometimes you wear
a body suit to attract women?

You told her that?

Oh, it doesn't matter. What
does matter, John, is your heart.

It doesn't have to go
through life unloved.

Ms. Pumple, I do not wish
to engage your services.

Could I be more
clear, Ms. Pumple?

If you imply the "L" into
my name one more time,

I'll drop you like a stone.

Your friends care
about you, John.

They think that
you're so lovesick...

that physically you're
starting to curdle.

It's true. You
used to be taller.

That man needs an intervention.

If he won't go to love, then
love needs to go to him.

I got sent to my
room all the time,

either as punishment or because my parents
didn't want me to hear them fighting.

But that's what first gave me
the idea. To jump out the window.

To fly.

My parents fought a lot.

And I'd stand
there at my window,

dream of just... flying away.

Um, so you'd, uh... uh...

When your parents fought? Yes.

I was so afraid they'd divorce.

So I'd stand there at
my bedroom window...

when I couldn't drown
them out with music.

It was a sense of escape.

The dream of it.

And it was quiet up there.

It was joyous,

and I wouldn't
hear them fighting.

I couldn't hear anger.

Ms. McBeal.

- Ms. McBeal?
- Uh... Oh, sorry. So-Sorry.

Um, why did you start
going back to the house...

just to break in, as an adult?

Well, as a kid, that room, um,

it became like a prison.

There was a-a river that
ran behind our house.

It was about a
hundred yards behind.

And, um, I would
think, forget dreaming.

I really am gonna jump out
and fly all the way over that river.

Did you actually attempt it?

Many times. I always fell short.

Usually, uh, breaking
a bone or two.

When I left home for college,

I eventually put the
obsession behind me.

But in the last 10
years, it came back.

Why?

Well, I've never done
very well in my various jobs.

I became convinced
my esteem, uh...

Failure was a self-fulfilling
prophecy for me.

And it all stemmed from those
botched attempts to clear that river.

So I... I started
thinking about it again.

I couldn't not think about it.

About a year or so ago, I started
building wings again, but better wings.

I just know I can do it.

But why do you have to? I
have to prove to myself that...

that I can fly.

My parents would say that, uh...

That I'd never be successful
because... I was "off."

That was their word. "Off."

I guess I've always believed
that if I put my mind to something...

Well, the only thing I've ever really
put my mind to is clearing that river.

I just have to do it.

♪♪

For me, uh, skiing
isn't really the best part.

It's the lodge.

Snuggling in front
of an open fire,

♪ You are so beautiful ♪
maybe a glass of hot cider.

I can do that. I like cider.

I'll bet you do. It's fabulous.

Richard, can I ask you
something? ♪ To me ♪

Oh, uh, anything, I-Irene.

I feel you're only interested
in my neck section of me.

It's just so beautiful the way... the
way it just, uh, swings back and forth.

It makes a little shadow.
It's like a... a love curtain.

♪ To me ♪
Mmm.

♪ Can't you see ♪

I can't believe he's
interested in that artifact.

- At least he has an open mind.
- Open mind?

Look at that. He's lost whatever
mind he has, open or not.

- Grump!
- Elaine, uh, where-where's your date?

Well, Harriet said
she was bringing him.

I wonder why it's taking her
so long to find anybody for me.

Well, you said you listed
intelligence as a criteria.

What intelligent man
could enlist a dating service?

- Old man!
- Okay, I heard that.

Hello! Elaine!

Meet Victor.

Hello.

Hi. Good to see you again.

You're even cuter upright.
Elaine Vassal. A pleasure.

Last names are optional
with me, but do you have one?

Morrison. You know I sing.

Would you like to hear me sing?

Hello. Hey, Harvey.

So... Well, I have
good news. You do?

I spoke to the D.A.,
who talked to the

Brickles, and they're
gonna drop the charges.

They are? On one condition.

That you put away your wings
and you never break in again.

Oh.

I have the wings to do it.

I've been thinking. Um,

if I were to stand on the
roof instead of the window,

I might get more
height and thrust.

Harvey, they are not gonna
let you jump off the roof.

Oh.

You know, uh,

even Don Quixote had to
stop tilting at those windmills.

But he rose up again in the end.

Of all people, Dulcinea
shouldn't be telling me to quit.

You know, you
described it exactly.

My flying.

My parents would fight, and I
would put the headphones on.

And if that didn't work, I would stand
by the window and dream of jumping...

and flying.

I talked to one of
your doctors, and, um,

he said that they have this
medication that could really help you.

You talked to one of my doctors?

Uh, yes.

The one treating me for cancer?

You see,

time has suddenly
become of the essence, Ally.

And before I go,
I damn well will...

fly over that river.

♪♪

♪ First when there's nothing ♪

♪ But a slow glowing dream ♪

Are you a beginning, a middle
or an ending kind of a guy?

What? That up there?

That's just the beginning.

John, wanna snuggle up
next to me on the dance floor?

Excuse me? I want to
see if you can dance.

- Oh. I'll pass.
- Fart!

♪ In a world made of steel ♪

♪ Made of stone ♪

♪ Well, I hear the music ♪

♪ Close my eyes
Feel the rhythm ♪

♪ Wrap around Take a hold ♪

♪ Of my heart ♪

♪ What a feeling ♪

♪ Beats believing ♪

- And you thought I was kidding.
- ♪ I can have it all ♪

♪ Now I'm dancing for my life ♪

♪ Take your passion ♪

♪ And make it happen ♪♪

Are you gonna
die? Hopefully not.

But I'm definitely gonna be getting
weaker once I start the chemo,

which my doctors want me to do.

My flapping is bound to get
anemic, so the time is now.

Is the flying about
that? Escaping death?

You can have an ambulance
there if it'll give you peace of mind.

I know you can persuade them.

One lousy jump.

- Are you out of your mind?
- It's something that he
feels he has to do.

So what? You're supposed to
be looking out for his interests.

- Which I believe
I'm doing.
- Marie...

He could be k*lled,
for God sakes.

Since-Since when does it become a
lawyer's job to enable somebody's madness?

I've landed safely before. From
the second floor, not the roof.

Marie, you yourself maintain
I'm a victim of obsession.

So let's extinguish
that obsession and...

This could extinguish
your life, Harvey.

My life?

I'm, uh...

I'm dying, Marie.

What?

I have a melanoma.

Look, I-I'm gonna
be getting treatment.

The doctors are hopeful, but...

my flying days are
soon to be over.

- Why didn't you tell me this?
- Because you worry.

You've lived your entire life worrying
about me. You don't think I know that?

I know how much you love me.

In light of that
love, I'm asking you.

Please, don't fight this.

Harvey... I wanna fly, Marie.

And I want you there
with me when I fly.

And, um...

And the... the Brickles,
they've... they've agreed to it? Yes.

Does it have to be today?

I've got to go on chemo.
The sooner I clear that river...

Well, then... Uh...

Can I see these new
and improved wings?

Of course you can.
I'll show you right now.

- 3:00, at the house.
- I'll see you there.

Uh...

W-W-What are you doing here?

I was looking for
Elaine. Elaine?

Yeah. Some crazy matchmaker
persuaded me to at least meet her.

You-You were her-her date?

I've done crazier things, none
of which come to mind right now.

You're not helping me
any here. I know. Sorry.

It's just that it's...

No. Well, it went well.
You're here again, so...

Well...

You're-You're here to dump
her? Ally, she sang to me.

You know, uh...

Okay, listen, you-you
can't dump her.

Her singing, for whatever reason,
means everything to her, and...

If you reject her now, she's going to
assume it was because of her singing,

and-and it will
just devastate her.

You... I mean, you...
Go out with her once.

Break up with
her for her looks...

or her-her personality
or-or-or-or whatever.

You know, she'll
handle it, trust me.

But if you break up
with her for her singing,

I-I really believe
that that will k*ll her.

Ally?

I... Oh.

Victor. What are you doing here?

Actually, I came to
see you. You did?

Elaine, I, um...

I was hoping you'd
have dinner with me.

- Uh, ticktock, John.
- I apologize.

- What is this meeting about?
- A friendly takeover,
stocks, bonds. Love.

Stocks, bonds and love?

It's just a figure of speech.

We're here trying to salvage the company,
John, and we can't do it without you.

- Which company?
- The company we keep, John.

- What are you talking about?
- Uh... ♪♪

What... What's going on?

♪ John Cage, boy, is that you ♪

- ♪ I thought your post
hangin' days were through ♪
- What the...

♪ Sunken eyes
and full of sighs ♪

This is an intervention, John. Harriet
thinks you need to be saved. We all agree.

What?

Emotional rescue,
buddy. We're here for you.

♪ I tell you now we're
gonna pull you through ♪

♪ There's only one
thing left that we can do ♪

♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ It's like nothing else can
make you feel sure you're alive ♪

♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ We'd better get walkin' ♪

♪ We're wastin'
time talkin' now ♪

♪ John Cage, boy
you're my friend ♪

♪ You say how
and I'll say when ♪

♪ You may never get
this chance again ♪

♪ That empty feeling's
just about to end ♪

♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ It's like nothing else can
make you feel sure you're alive ♪

♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ We'd better get walkin' ♪

♪ We're wasting
time talkin' now ♪

- ♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪
- ♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ To make you feel
sure you're alive ♪

♪ We gotta get you a woman ♪

♪ We'd better get walkin' ♪

♪ We're wastin' time ♪♪

I really appreciate
this, Mr. Brickle.

Yeah. Well, uh, my lawyers
advised me against it, but...

Don't worry. I won't get hurt.

I might even make it all the way
across. I sincerely hope you do.

- No, it-it seems so far.
- I'm gonna go check
on the kids.

They're going to a friend's house
for the afternoon, uh, just in case.

I go splat. Have you
been up on that roof?

It's a long way down.
Yes, I have been up.

And, uh, wait till
you see my wings.

So, this was your prison.

Yep. Hmm.

The room dreams
are made of, I guess.

What are you looking at?

Oh, the... the-the view.

So tell me again. Why are these
wings better? Much more aerodynamic.

And from the roof, more
glide, greater propulsion.

And with my new
fitness regimen...

You-You flap better.

From the second I saw you, I just
knew you'd help me get here, Ally.

Well, I'm not gonna be able to help
you get to the other side of that river.

This, uh, I know.

When the time comes,

you just be waiting
on the other side,

'cause that's where
I'll be coming down.

Have you ever
tested them, Harvey?

Small jumps. Uh,
nothing like this before.

Just... be careful.

He's jumping off a roof and
I'm telling him to be careful.

Go across the river,
Marie. I'll be right over.

I wish Mom and Dad
were alive. They'd be proud.

See you soon. Absolutely.

You know, I feel like
I've known you forever.

Ally, I'm not dying.

I mean, I might be
dying, but not today.

Well, uh, whatever
happens up there,

you just promise me that
you won't stop, um, flapping.

I promise.

Go keep my sister
company, okay? Okay.

Oh, Ally?

We have known
each other forever.

It was Harriet's
idea. I don't care.

You get an entire office full of people to
sing at me, "We gotta get you a woman"?

Life is short, John.
Well, it isn't that short,

and I refuse to be
lectured to by a man who,

just last night, was
copping the feel...

of rag-like flesh dangling off the
chin of somebody's great-grandmother.

I wasn't really interested in
her. Then why were you with her?

I was trying to cure my
fetish. That was therapy.

Clockwork wattle.
Oh, just get out.

It's getting old, John.
What's getting old?

Us! Wha...

What do you mean,
because we're nearly 40?

No, because we're
no closer to... To what?

I don't know whether falling in
love and having a family is it, John.

But the place we're in now,

this is definitely not it.

Wow. Something really
is going on with you.

Well, it's about time.

Just look at him.

Can you believe this?

Uh...

Okay.

The conditions are good.

Flap hard, Harvey. Flap
like the madman you are.

How you doing, sir?

Fine. There's a...

There's a saying, which I'm,
uh, blanking on at the moment.

- "Now or never"?
- Yeah, that would work.

Okay. Okay, systems check.

Please let him land softly. Please let him
land softly. Please let him land softly.

I promise I'll go to
church. I promise I'll

go to church. I promise
I will go to church.

Okay.

Just give it to me
once, would ya?

♪ And the wild
wings of fortune ♪

♪ Shall carry me onward ♪♪

Come on, Harvey! Come on! Flap!

Are you okay?

Yes! Yes!

I flew! I flew! I flew!

Yes. Yes!

- Are you okay?
- My arms are a little tired.

But other than that... I flew!

Harvey?

Harvey? Harvey, what's wrong?

Please, get back! Harvey!

Help me get his wing off!

Get him on his back.

It was a heart att*ck.

The, uh... The cancer treatment
had evidently weakened his heart.

And, um, I'm
arranging the services.

It'll... It'll probably be Tuesday
or Wednesday. I'll let you know.

Okay.

Thank you, Ally.

Thank me. I...

I helped to k*ll him.

No.

N-No, you didn't.

And because of
you, he... he got to fly.

That look on his face,
it was the happiest...

I'll never forget it.

And I'll never forget you
for giving him that moment.

My brother flew.

- Did you see it? He...
- He flew.

Yes, he did.

Yeah. Well, I'll
see you next week.

Marie.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry for yours.

He told me you knew
each other for a long time.

Yeah.

♪♪

♪ You're a long way from
somewhere you call home ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ There's a place
in your heart ♪

♪ You're not alone ♪

♪ All the happiness you seek ♪

♪ All the joy for
which you pray ♪

♪ Is closer than you think ♪

♪ It's just a hundred
tears away ♪♪

♪♪

You stinker!