05x19 - Another One Bites the Dust

[bunniefuu]

- Previously.
- First of all,
let's welcome Liza.

- She starts today.
- Hello! Leading!

- Can I play?
- My johnson!

I took the liberty of
hiring another associate.

Wilson, hi.

Did you wrap your penis with
a slice of American cheese...

and douse it with ketchup?

Our therapist advised us to
try something unconventional...

to spice up our sex life.

I'm not clear on my
role here, Wilson.

Good cop, bad cop.

- You go in there, pick up the pieces...
- Let's you and I talk.

After I shatter
everything to bits.

You're scum. I may
be, but that isn't relevant.

Where there is fighting...

You just go with the
flow, don't you, Victor?

There's usually passion.

Everything with you,
Victor, is just fine, fine, fine.

- You and Victor fight?
- I am not a "Que sera"
kind of woman.

- No, never.
- Hey!

Well, we... We're new.

Well.

Home, sweet home. Yeah.

That's probably what you'll say when
you get back to your home too, hmm?

Yeah. Which I imagine
you're anxious to get back to.

Right? Where's Maddie?

Maddie's not due until
tomorrow, remember?

We came back a day
early. Oh, yeah, right.

I guess it just seems like we
were there longer than we were.

Hmm. I guess so.

- Eh, Bermuda's overrated.
- Yeah.

Yeah, the Triangle section
probably would've been a lot more fun.

Ally, why don't you just
say you had a lousy time?

I didn't have a lousy time. I had
a wonderful time. Wonderful time?

Yes, it was wonderful. I'm
sorry if it wasn't wonderful for you.

Wait a minute. Don't put it
on me. Don't put what on you?

I'm only putting whatever kind
of time you had on you. That's all.

You're the only one who knows
whether you had a wonderful time or not.

Why don't you go do your hair?

I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What-What did you say?

Nothing.

What, you think I spend
a lot of time on my hair?

What, more than, say,
you spend on yours?

Me? I don't even comb my hair.

Who do you think
you're kidding, Victor?

Every single strand
probably has its own stylist.

Now you've got a problem
with my hair? No, I love your hair.

It just goes to show, if you
put the time in, it pays off.

I think I'm gonna go now.

Let me get the door
for you. Excuse me.

I'm looking for Victor Morrison.

I was told he might be
here. I'm Victor Morrison.

Victor, hi. This is
for you. What is it?

It's a summons.
You're being sued.

Service with a smile.

Hmm.

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

He was sued for
what? Oh, I don't know.

I showed him out. I told
him I would talk to him later.

If he calls, just
tell him I'm in trial.

Okay, good morning
to all. Let's get started.

How was your trip?

- My trip was fine, thank you.
- You guys ever leave the room?

Raymond, what did we
say about sexist remarks?

You seem tense.

- Are you tense?
- Uh, no, Liza. I'm-I'm fine.

I know some relaxing techniques.

Actually, they're secrets.

Uh, well, um... Thank you, Liza.

But you know...

This-This is a staff meeting.

This is not a forum to discuss
our personal lives or problems.

- We're only discussing yours.
- Wilson, we don't really know
each other yet, do we?

I don't have a personal life.

Oh, poor Richard. Well...

You want to watch
me take a shower?

I... All right! That's just...

Ally, Victor's in your office.

Well, didn't you tell
him I was in trial?

No. I forgot.

Should I go tell him that now?

I give you one
simple instruction.

Not the best
vacation? Never mind.

How bad was it? Just never mind.

How you like my hair?

Oh, well... A smile even.

What-What exactly did you do?

Baby, we had a
lousy time in Bermuda.

And I just want to
admit it and move on.

Okay.

It sucked.

It was the worst. Why?

Not every couple's
good at vacationing.

But, you know, maybe
it was just because...

it was our first time together
away, you know, without Maddie.

Doesn't that make you
worry about us as a couple?

Nope.

Do I have to get
another lawyer on this?

No. I'll do it.

Um, what-what... What
is this case even about?

This Sheila Hunt, she's
the owner of an art gallery...

that sold some of my paintings.

And she says that I owed
her more pieces than I did.

- Which is just not true.
- You're an artist?

Yeah. I mean, it's a hobby.

Huh.

So is there anything
else that I need to know?

Well, the owner of the
gallery is my ex-girlfriend.

Hmm, ex-girlfriend.

Hmm.

Richard?

Richard, I don't want to
pry, but are you all right?

Sure. Why wouldn't I be?

Well, it's just that...
over the last few days,

you've been, well, working.

It's not like you.

You trying to occupy yourself?

Maybe, uh, a little. I...

I'm going to tell you
something now about myself...

that not very many people know.

When I was born,
unlike other women,

the Almighty gave me a little...

A little dial.

A dial?

A sexual dial. Oh. Gee.

It's a little bit like an
internal barometer.

And it... It vibrates
during arousal.

That's... Well...

Do you have a little dial
that vibrates, Richard?

Uh...

On occasion, it...
Sometimes... It's...

I sense that right now
your dial is vibrating for me.

Well, uh... Between
us? Of course.

Liza... I want her.

Liza? She's...

She's horrible!

I'm sorry. She is horrible.

I can't help but think,
underneath that tough exterior,

she... she's nasty.

She's even more
naughty, more cunning,

more delicious
than... than Ling.

And Ling was...
Ling was amazing.

You romanticizing
cunning Ling, Richard?

Men do that.

But I'm right about Liza. She's
an itty-bitty little sexual package.

And I want to just unwrap it.

Barry, I didn't think
I'd see you so soon.

Look, I think you're
a snake, okay?

I need a snake.

What's the problem?
My girlfriend.

Uh, my ex-girlfriend.

I sort of taped us one night.
Thought it might be fun to watch.

Cheese? Pickles?

No. I left out the
accoutrements. That's not it.

The problem is she
has a copy of the tape...

and is threatening to
show it to all my coworkers...

if I don't pay her $25,000.

And the tape shows...

Just, uh, lovemaking
and so forth.

I make some funny sounds I
wasn't quite aware of at the time.

Anyway, I'm a vice president.
This could really hurt me.

Could you help?

Hmm.

These are pictures
of naked women.

They're abstract nudes. Mm-hmm.

So you... you paint naked women?

Yeah.

And, uh, these-these women,

they just come in here and
they take their clothes off for you?

Well, Ally, they're models.

Hmm. So how come you, uh,
never told me that you were a painter?

I don't know. I guess it
just never really came up.

What, it never came up?

We just spent five
days alone together.

Big chunks of it, we were
trying to invent conversation.

I have a hard time believing that you just
didn't say, "Hey, by the way, I paint."

Is it because you thought
I would have a problem...

with you staring at
beautiful naked women with

perfect bodies who I'm
sure come on to you?

Because I don't. That wasn't it.

- Do they?
- What?

The beautiful naked
women with perfect bodies...

Do they come on to
you? Ally, come on.

I think it's weird that you
never told me you do this.

And I don't think it's
weird to think it's weird.

And-And ask anybody.

Ask the beautiful naked
women with perfect bodies.

Do they even know
that... That I exist?

You know, there is a reason
why I never told you I painted.

For your birthday, I've been
doing an abstract painting of you.

Oh.

Oh, well, I... I mean, well...

I just... Can I... Can I see it?

Before your birthday? Yes.

Okay.

That's it?

Go ahead. Okay.

Hmm.

Oh. Victor, it's-it's...

It's beautiful. You like it?

Do I like it?
Like it? I love it.

It's-It's... Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. There's my eye.

And, uh... Oh, this is my arm.

That's my foot. Yeah.

Mmm, what-what's this?

Oh, that's a buttock.
The other one's over here.

Hmm. And what-what...
What is this on it?

These little lines.

Uh, it...

It's cellulite. You-You
gave me cellulite.

No, it-it's just texture.

Texture? No, no.
Cellulite is not texture.

Look, it's... No, no, no. I
do not have cottage cheese.

Ally? You blemished me.

No, I happen to think that
cellulite gives an ass character.

My ass has plenty of character.

What it doesn't have is this.

Oh.

You're a little early.

Otherwise, just perfect timing.

Maddie called. She said she'd
see you when you get home.

Anything else? Three messages
from Victor saying he loves your ass.

Oh, no. So do I.

- Are we sure she's hetero?
- I don't know, but she's cute.

Yes, she is. Hmm.

I was able to schedule the deposition
with the gallery owner at 3:00 today.

Wai-Wai-Wait. Today?
You said A.S.A.P.

Well, I have... I have barely read
the complaint. What-What are these?

From Victor... also in
appreciation of your ass.

Does he need to
be here for the depo?

They're lovely. Yes, Elaine.
He needs to be here for the depo.

In fact, I would like him to
come to... I beg your pardon!

When a man gives
a woman flowers,

it's the same principle
as chocolates.

Sweets to the sweet.

I just had a little
whiff. You smell lovely.

Hmm. Hmm.

Why don't you just ask her out?
It's not that simple, Raymond.

First of all, I'm
a senior partner.

I could be sued for
hitting on an associate.

Yes. She seems so
defenseless, doesn't she, Richard?

And second, look, either
of two things could happen.

She could say no, which
would devastate me.

Or she could say yes. And frankly,
with Liza, I'm not sure I can handle yes.

- Why?
- I get addicted
to girls like that.

She'd own me in 10
minutes. She owns you now.

No, she does not. Richard?

Corretta.

I'm sorry. Is it Thor?

- It's Raymond.
- Right.

I'm off to work out. In a stall?

You've never done
it in a stall, Thor?

Uh, just, isn't it... It's a
little cramped, isn't it?

John gave me his hole.

Richard, you might
want to blot that drool.

What is the sexiest
thing on a woman?

- Me?
- No. Not you, not me.

Not any piece of clothing.

- Sweat.
- Sweat?

She's in there, Raymond.
She's about to work out.

She'll be sweating.

- Why don't you join her,
Richard?
- I couldn't handle it.

- It's blackmail.
- It isn't blackmail.

It's... It's exciting footage.

And my client is quite excited to
share it with her fellow workers.

In exchange for forfeiting this
excitement, she'll accept $25,000.

We could go to the
police, Mr. Spaner.

Come on, Ms. Porter, we
could just sell the thing on eBay.

We're presenting your client
with a special one-time offer.

You can live with yourself?
You made the tape, Barry.

As a valentine
to our love. Yeah.

Two weeks before you
dump me for another secretary.

Look, my client has
made a very fair offer here.

25,000 for 13 minutes of...
graphic, graphic footage...

that I believe most pay-per-view
stations would pay double for.

We'll give you till the end of
business tomorrow to decide.

Come on, Sandra.

You are not an honorable person.

Oh, please. I don't
need to see this again.

Any ideas, Nelle?

I think they've got us.

You can't do anything?

Not unless we can
somehow outscum them.

She was trying to turn me into some
kind of celebrity, which I didn't want.

I just wanted to paint.
Mm-hmm. Continue.

It seemed to matter more
to her than to me because...

Because you were
boyfriend and girlfriend?

Boyfriend and girlfriends, they
tend to care about each other, okay?

Continue, please.

Oh. Oh, rolling your
eyes. Did I misspeak?

You're obviously still upset about
the painting. Not at all. Old issue.

We're talking about the case now.
Move along. Ally, don't take it personally.

Victor, let me just give
you a little tip, okay?

Women tend to take
texture personally.

Let's imagine, if you will,

that somebody were to
find fault with, say, your hair.

Get off the hair, okay?

I did the painting before
I ever saw your ass.

Exactly. You were projecting
the cellulite, based on what?

Based on my face
because I have one little

wrinkle that surfaces
when I get overtired?

One little wrinkle? Oh, do
you exercise it... your hair?

Ally, I've seen your butt.
It's a world-class butt, okay?

Yes it is.

It also happens to be a
world-class butt in jeans, Victor.

You don't have to see
me naked in order to...

- Okay, let's just drop it.
- Good idea.

Mm-hmm. Did you
deliver the paintings or not?

I delivered all the paintings I promised
under the terms of the contract, yes.

But I think she's more upset
because she lost me as a...

Boyfriend. Yes.

Did you ever... paint her?

Look, maybe it's not a good
idea that you're my lawyer in this.

Oh, no, no. I'm fine. You
don't have to worry about me.

Fine. Fine.

Richard. What?

Claire, don't sneak up on
me like that. Oh, I can't help it.

It's always a problem for me...
Blending into the background.

- No one ever sees me coming.
- Can I help you?

I'm not a fan of that
vicious little minx.

But I am a champion of love.

Does your heart speak to you,
Richard, when you watch Liza?

Yes. My heart and my
dial... They both shout.

Then you must go
to her. Oh, Claire.

You know, I-I know
when I'm overmatched. I...

Have you ever read
Cyrano de Bergerac?

No, but I've seen the
movie Roxanne. Why?

I could be your Cyrano.

I know how to push
that little button's buttons.

I'll have her eating
out of your little hand.

Assuming, of course, you can
keep your hand off your destiny.

You know, Claire...

Richard, hi. Does the office
not have a shower facility?

'Cause I'm all sweaty.

I look like I've just been
out on a date or something.

Well... Little bit.

I kinda like being sweaty.

It's kind of a
tropical, moist feeling.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

I think you handled
that quite well.

All right, I'm open
to getting help.

Little Sweaty Betty.

The fact is, the
contract called for him...

to deliver eight paintings
during the year of 2001.

He delivered three.

I believe that the contract says that
he had to deliver "up to" eight paintings.

There was no minimum. The three previous
years, he painted between 12 and 15.

He did not operate in good
faith here, and he knows it.

"Good faith"? Are we talking
good faith professionally?

This has nothing to do with our
personal relationship, Ms. McBeal.

Ms. Hunt,

I'd like to remind you that
you are indeed under oath.

Listen, our personal relationship,
if anything, was a hindrance.

He wouldn't have had
time to do any painting...

if I'd made love to him as often
as he wanted to. Ob-Ob-Objection.

Move to strike
that. Nonresponsive.

Is that what he said?
I was nonresponsive?

- Sheila.
- Victor.

Your client has a
problem, counsel.

Ask him about his little fetish.

- Sheila.
- Victor!

What fetish?

Let's just say your
client is a butt man.

- Sheila.
- Victor!

This isn't relevant. I'm the
one asking the questions here.

A butt man?

He paints them, he studies them,

and, during sex, he
likes to nibble them.

- Sheila.
- Victor.

- Ally.
- Nibble them?

Yes. And one of the reasons
why he broke up with me...

was because my buttocks
were too conventionally beautiful.

He likes his women's asses
to be slightly asymmetrical.

Asymmetrical?
All right, that's it.

- Just settle the case.
- Wh-Wh-What?

I'm not gonna sit here and
discuss fetishes and buttocks.

- Tell her how you
like cellulite.
- Sheila.

- He thinks
it gives a butt character.
- I'm outta here.

No, ju-ju-just sit. Sit.

All right, let's just...
Let's just move on.

Okay, the-the buttock... the-the
contract called for no minimum.

But it did call for good faith.

And he simply stopped painting.

He gave me three
pieces, then he walked.

He didn't call. He
didn't return my calls.

He just walked.
That's bad faith.

He was in it for the sex.

And when I cut back
on the sex, he walked.

I walked because you
were falling in love with me.

- Is that why you
stopped painting?
- Yes.

Well, there you go. He just
admitted he stopped painting.

He breached.

How many times do you
need to watch it, Wilson?

You said you represent
a special effects house?

- Yeah, why?
- I have an idea.

I'm getting the sense it's evil.

Aren't they the best kind?

How can I help? Put me
in touch with your client.

Then let's get Mr. Spaner and the lovely
Sandy in here, set up another meeting.

Huh. Scum?

Serious scum.

I don't see how this can work.

Oh, the bar is the perfect
place for this to work, Richard.

There's so much noise in
there, she won't hear me.

Yes, and the way you
blend into the background.

Testing!

Is that too loud?

God! You have to
talk softly, Claire.

Yes, of course. We're
going to be a team, Richard.

I'll be the one speaking softly,

and you'll be the one
carrying the big stick.

Get... Oh!

Come on now. Let's go.

This is going to be lovely.

Testing!

Copy. Copy.

Ew.

What do you mean "ew"?

- Six and a quarter.
- What?

And your left side's
a little more muscular.

Well... Well, that's just because
I used to kick with my left foot.

- Now just-just do
the right side again.
- Ally, they look even!

Maddie, can you...

- Hey.
- What are you doing?

Um, no, I'm just... I'm
just getting a new outfit,

so I wanted a measurement.
You could knock.

- I'm sorry. Could I talk to you
just for a minute?
- Downstairs?

Oh, and your left side
rides a little higher.

Oh! Oh, never mind!

Go ahead. Uh, no. No,
no. You can forget that.

You are never walking behind me
again in this lifetime, Victor. You go.

Fine. Fine? Never mind fine.

Your case is not fine
after that deposition. What?

You admitted that you stopped
painting. That is a breach.

There was no minimum. There was
a good faith requirement to produce.

And you stopped because you
said that she was in love with you.

Were-Were... Were you in love
with her? No. That was the problem.

What was the problem... she was
too symmetrical? Here we go again.

She didn't have a lopsided,
cellulite bottom shelf like I've got?

Ally. Men stare at
this on the street.

I bet they do. It's even, it's
ripe and it's glass smooth.

Let me grab it. No,
you know what... Mmm.

Don't be amused. It is not a
good time for you to be amused.

I do not handle "amused"
well when I'm angry.

And what is this about wanting to
have sex with her all time anyway?

Took you three months
to want to kiss me.

You can't pick up a paintbrush
because you can't think of your...

Ally! You know, even
on vacation in Bermuda...

You're not what I
would call voracious.

I'm a nibbler, right?

Come on. I'm sorry.

The sex was polite.

It was totally polite.

How many couples do you know go
to the Caribbean to have polite sex?

And-And why?

It's not like we were
having so much fun talking.

You barely said a poop. Peep.

We just hung around a pool.

And the highlight of the
conversation was ordering food.

And then we'd go back to the
hotel and have polite, courteous sex.

And-And you didn't even bite me.

Oh, and-and you're laughing
at me again on the inside.

No. This time, I'm laughing
at you on the outside.

Ally, baby, I apologize
if the sex was too polite.

I'm sorry if I barely
spoke a poop.

But I promise you,

next time, I will bite you.

I so hate you.

I am not happy. I assumed this
was going to be about an offer.

It is an offer.

I'm offering the lovely Sandy a
chance to drop this and say she's sorry.

Let's go.

Hold on. It seems there
surfaced another tape.

What other tape?

Sandy, you've been a
busy girl, haven't you?

What are you talking about?

Well, I could tell you, but a
picture's worth... how many words?

Oh, used to be a thousand.
But this could jack it up some.

- Would you like to see it?
- I would.

Oh, there you are,
on top of Barry, but...

But we've seen that already.

- Whoa!
- What?

- That isn't me.
- Of course it is.

That's you.

Oh!

- Good that you're on top.
- This is a trick.

They've done something.
This is trick photography.

Oh!

Oh, mercy! We
don't need to see that.

The deal is, the office
sees you and Barry,

the office sees you and the
others, including Clementine.

This is out-and-out fraud!

Barry's just excited
to show it, Ronald.

In exchange for
forfeiting his excitement,

you have to drop your extortion.

My tape is real. That's a fake.

No matter what it is,
it'll be a big hit on eBay.

♪♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Always and forever ♪

♪ Each moment with you ♪

♪ Is just like a dream to me ♪

♪ That somehow came true ♪

♪ And I know, tomorrow ♪
Hi, Richard.

- Hello! - Oh. Oh, uh... Oh.

Working late? Well...

Actually, I was
working on my book.

I'm working on my book.
You're writing a book?

Oh, yes. The Lost Art
of Conversation. Really?

Are people conversing
less or just less artfully?

Oh, well, that
little rejoinder...

Alone tells me that
you haven't lost the art.

Even a raconteur
such as yourself...

Probably too often resorts
to the language of the body...

via touch, a smile,
the flirtatious giggle.

That's what my
book focuses on...

The tendency of men and
women to resort to physicality.

- Um, let me ask you...
- And be honest.

When you're talking to a man
one-on-one for the very first time...

- Do you ask yourself...
- "Would I?"

Well, isn't it
natural? Well, it is.

But suppose the answer is yes.

Is the conversation
colored by that?

How could it not be colored?

- For example, when I look at you...
- I can't help...

- But want to...
- Stoke your embers...

With my little poker. Really?

Yeah, but since I
would never say that,

I innately look to communicate
that with physical expression.

I-I'll let you read
the book one day.

See, I have no
problem just... saying it.

If I wanted to sleep with
you, I'd just say, "Hey, Richard,

let's go somewhere
and do it." Oh.

- Goodness! What a...
- Slut.

What did you call me?

Uh, uh... Sorry, Richard.

She's got me
flustered, the little tramp.

Here's the deal, Richard.

Every man I work for
wonders what it would be like.

Oh.

And it gets in the
way professionally.

It's actually really annoying.

Maybe we should just do it once,

satisfy your curiosity,

get it over with and move on.

I...

♪ I'll always love you ♪

♪ Always forever love you ♪♪

I think we both put a lot of
pressure on this vacation...

'cause we wanted
it to be magical.

Maybe we wanted it too much.

As far as the painting
goes, I'm sorry.

I consider you to be an
incredibly beautiful woman.

I wish the painting could've
captured my love for you.

As for Sheila, it was just
a physical relationship.

I am always amazed...

at how men can
just enter into...

purely physical relationships.

I-I cared for her.

Maybe that's why I left
her the way I did. Sorry?

I could see that she was
falling in love with me.

And though I cared for her,
I was not in love with her.

And I realized that my
leaving would devastate her,

so... I left.

No explanation.
I just walked out.

Why? I think it's because
I wanted her to hate me.

Anger's easier than heartbreak.

You know, it's
easier to get over.

And if she thinks I'm a
jerk, mitigates the loss.

That's what he was doing. Sorry?

That's why he did it. He
wanted me to hate him.

Who? Larry.

I could never figure
out why he-he just...

But that's it.

He-He wanted... He
wanted me to feel anger.

Great. Let's talk about Larry.

Where did he go?
Oh, I don't know.

Uh, he left right after
I said the "L" word.

Larry? Yeah.

You know, when
you do start dating...

and you're spending
time with your boyfriend,

you should try to minimize the
obsessing about the old boyfriend.

I'll try to remember that.

Is he coming back? Larry?

Victor.

Oh. I-I-I... I don't know.

They don't tend to
come back with me.

Come on in, Richard.

Wow.

Wow, Liza, this...
this is a great place.

- ♪♪
- Thanks.

The art is so, uh... Pop?

I know. I like pop.

I like pop music, Pop-Tarts.

Popsicles.

"Pop Goes the Weasel."

Was that... Mr. Fish?

Bygones.

You're scared stiff.

Well, uh, Liza, I...

I usually pull the strings
with women. I'm not used to...

I make you crazy, don't I? Yeah.

And all you can
think about is... Yes.

Richard, I'm very
serious about my career.

If I extinguish your
curiosity... Yeah.

Do you think you'll be
able to see me as a lawyer?

I will so try. I promise.

♪♪ Okay.

Come on.

Just like that, she dropped it?

She dropped it. I
think it was the cow.

And I don't have to pay
her anything? Not a cent.

You do have to pay
us. Oh, with pleasure.

I want you to know... because I
don't hand out compliments freely...

You are the scummiest,

- most disgusting attorneys
I have ever encountered.
- Thank you.

They set the bar so low, and
you just slithered right under it.

- We try.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.

We are good.

Yes, we are.

♪♪

Um...

Well, here we are.

Uh, but what... What is this?

Sometimes when I get home from
work, I just want to dive right into bed.

And I really dive.
I used to compete.

So you have a diving board
over your... your bed. That's, uh...

What do you want to do first?

Well... Well, you sort of promised
I could watch you, uh, shower.

Richard.

Oh.

♪ When you get the chance ♪

♪ You are the dancing queen ♪

♪ Young and sweet, only 17 ♪♪

You're back. Yeah.

I brought you something.

Hmm. What's this?

It's a ticket... To
Detroit, for one.

Sorry?

Look, I think you need
to go see this guy Larry.

Whatever's there or what
is there... I don't know.

But you're gonna have to settle things
with him before we're ready to move on.

- You think I need
to go settle things?
- Yeah.

Oh. Well, things
are settled, Victor.

It's over. I don't
think so. Not for you.

Not for me. Why, because I
think about him sometimes?

Ally, you think about
him all the time. Right.

Right. So you... So you what, you went
to the airport and you bought me a ticket?

Yeah, I think you should
go. I'll stay here with Maddie.

You know... You know, I
still actually do like men...

even though some of them have
done some pretty awful things to me.

But this takes the cake. This is the
most arrogant, most obnoxious thing...

Your flight leaves at 9:00 a.m. What
gives you the right to tell me to go...

You're not over the guy.
No, even if I'm not over him,

it does not entitle you to go
out and book me to Detroit.

If there's something that's
going on between me and Larry,

it is still between
me and Larry.

Don't you think I have
something to do with this? No.

No? No. Not to the
extent that it does me.

Not to the extent that it gives you the
right to go out and buy me plane tickets!

- I am trying to be patient here.
- I don't care how patient
you are trying to be!

You're losing me! Okay?

It is time for you to clean up your
mess, move on and get on with your life.

Please. Let this sink in, huh?

Okay. Okay, Victor. See, I
don't want to be with Larry.

I don't want him, and I
choose not to be with him.

But as far as whether
or not I'm gonna lose you,

I think that you have
seriously overplayed your hand.

This isn't a game. No, it isn't.

My mess is my life. I
choose to live it this way.

And I don't want to be
booked on any planes, okay?

You can take your ticket
back. Now good night.

Are you really sure
this is what you want?

Hmm. Yes.

For once, I am
so... I am so sure.

You showed up at the
door as this little caretaker.

And then you came in and
you set up shop as a controller.

And if there's one thing I
know about myself and men,

I do not take well
to being controlled.

You're being
controlled by your past.

Oh, is that what
you think? Yeah.

Well, you know what? It doesn't really
matter what you think anymore, Victor.

You can come over and say
good-bye to Maddie tomorrow.

Was it good for you?
It was unbelievable.

No, Richard. That
was believable.

You want unbelievable,
lie down on that bed.

What? Just do what I tell you.

Lay down. Hurry up. Well...

I'm gonna show
you "unbelievable."

Uh, wh-what...
What are you doing?

Just lie back. It's important
that you don't move.

This-This looks dangerous.

Well, isn't that what you like about
me, Richard... that I'm a little dangerous?

Well, yes, but-but the
idea of being hospitalized...

Just lie still. I promise
you won't get hurt.

Just, uh... Still, Richard.

Very, very still.

I'll be as... Yeah.

Now that would be a perfect
10, even from the French judge.

I think, uh, perfect
is a six, but...

Now, Richard, be
honest, really honest.

Can you imagine what it must
be like to make love to me?

Yes.

You can feel it?

Do you even know it? Yes.

Good.

Curiosity satisfied.
You can go now.

Wha... No, no, no.
Wait. What... What?

Well, it would be wrong for
us to actually sleep together.

I'm not a slut.

- I...
- See you at the office.

I'm, uh...

So where am I going now?

Sorry. I was hurt.

I know. So was I.

I'm really sorry that I
called you controlling.

I... I don't think
that, but... But?

Well, Victor,
there's a reason...

why we didn't get together for two
months, even under the same roof.

And there's a reason why
we had a terrible vacation.

And there's a reason why
we don't sexually combust.

And there's a reason that I didn't
even know that you're a painter.

And there's a reason why I
probably am sabotaging us.

I just...

I think on some level you
know that I'm not "it" for you.

And on some level, I
know you're not "it" for me.

Oh, we could date
and we could have fun...

and we could just
say what the hell,

but I don't think either one of us
are very good at doing that, and...

You know, I saw
myself marrying you.

And I saw myself marrying you.

But can... Can you
really see us married?

You know, I-I...

I think that it's probably best for
us to take a little break just to...

To-to see if...

Yeah. A break is probably best.

Just-Just, you know...
Just to see... Yeah.

I can still talk to you during
the break though, right?

Mmm.

'Cause I'm gonna call ya.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

You stinker!