05x23 - The Rolls Rock Caper

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Flintstones". Aired: September 30, 1960 – April 1, 1966.*
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Living in Bedrock, Fred Flintstone works an unsatisfying job, but returns home to his wife Wilma and eventually daughter Pebbles.
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05x23 - The Rolls Rock Caper

Post by bunniefuu »

Woman: who is it?

Cookie Quartz?

That's right.

We're from the police.
We'd like to--

Oh, police!

I just adore
policemen.

Lady, please!

Oh! I feel so safe

when I'm in
a policeman's arms.

[Kissing]

Private eyes, huh?
I'll fix them.

Please, lady,
I'll have to remind you

that I'm a married man.

And besides, you're
melting my ice cream!

[Toot]

Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Flintstones
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Let's ride with the family
down the street

Through the courtesy
of Fred's two feet

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo
time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

Fred: it just isn't right!

It's unreasonable,
unjustifiable, undesirable,

Unsuitable, underhanded,
unwarranted, unfair

And just plain unpatriotic!

Us husbands weren't put
on this earth to do dishes.

Oh, Fred,
it's just this once

While I set up
the portable card table.

The rubbles
are coming over.

Oh, great. If Barney sees me
in this apron

It'll be all over bedrock
tomorrow.

I can even get a severe
reprimand from the lodge

For conduct unbecoming
a water buffalo.

Huh?

[Arr arr arr]

Oh, now it's you, dino.

Sheesh! A woman's work
is never done.

Especially when
the husband's doing it.

Here, Dino.

Yeeooww!

Wait a minute.
What am I doing?

You already
had dinner.

Attention!
About face!

On the double!
Forward, march!

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

I got to be careful.

Even the dog
is giving me orders.

Don't forget to
empty the trash, Fred.

Now, just a rock-Picking
minute, Wilma. I--

Pretty please?

Pretty, pretty,
pretty please?

Oh, gosh, Wilma.

You're using
unfair tactics.

Hurry, Fred! I hear
the trash truck!

Hey, driver!

Hold it! Hold it!

Am I-- Am I too late
to dump the trash?

No, dearie. Hop in.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, boy.

Everybody's a regular
Jackie Gleastone.

Maybe I ought to start
a maid service.

Barney: hey, Fred.
Yoo-Hoo, dearie!

We're ready
to play cards

as soon as you finish
your housework.

[Both laugh]

[Mocking laugh]

Very funny, Rubble.

Maybe I should finish by mopping
up the floor with you!

That's 4 spades
doubled.

And redoubled.

Yeah. Oh, let me see.

Now, that comes to, um...

how much
do we owe you?

4 bucks, huh?

Barney, I sure wish you'd
learn how to play bridge.

But, Fred--

We blew it on account of
your dumb playing.

But--But, Fred,
don't blame me.

I was the dummy.

You made
the decisions.

Oh. Well, you ought to learn
how to get better cards!

Oh, Fred, stop it!

Fred: well, just because
he's a dummy

He don't have to
act like one.

[Crashing]

[Pebbles giggling]

[Dino and Hoppy yelping]

I wonder what
that's all about.

I'd better take
a look-see.

What's going on,
Wilma?

Betty, come here!
You've got to see this!

Oh, it looks like they're
sure enjoying themselves.

Ga ga ga ga...

[arr arr arr arr]

[Giggling]

[Gibbering]

[Gibbering]

[Hop hop hop]

[Giggling
and chattering]

Ha ha. If you'll pardon
the expression

The home team
is getting skunked.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Fred, how about
going to the store

and getting some
cactus-Rock sherbet?

Hey, good idea.

Come on, Barney.
A walk will do you good.

Okay.

Any other special flavor
you want, Wilma?

Hey, let's try the new
chopped-liver chip.

Okay. Or maybe try
that other new flavor

They're featuring this week--

Gravel pistachio.

Okay, Wilma.
That sounds pretty good.

Yeah.

Hey, Fred, I got
a riddle for you.

What's gray,
has big ears,

a tail,
and a big trunk?

Uh...an elephant?

Nope, a mouse
going on vacation.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, boy.

I wonder what's up.

Hey, Fred,
you know who that is?

That's Aaron Boulder,
the millionaire cop.

Yeah, some cop--Rides
around in a rolls-Rocks.

Ooh, I'll bet he's
on a hot case right now.

Yeah, and we'd
better get home

Before this ice cream gets hot.

Hey!
He's turning around.

He's coming back.

Boulder: say, you two,
come here.

Fred: who, us?

Yes. I want
to talk to you.

We weren't doing nothing,
Mr. Boulder. Honest.

Oh, so you know me, eh?

Good. Hold up
your right hand.

I hereby deputize you
and make you my assistants.

A-Assistants?

Yes, I need your help.

I need 2 strong,
athletic, fearless

intelligent assistants.

Oh, I think you got
the wrong guys.

Shut up, Barney!

Yes. Yes, go on,
Mr. Boulder.

Get in, quick!

These are my deputies,
sweetheart.

If anything happens to me,
they'll take over.

Okay, honey.

What are we supposed
to do, Mr. Boulder?

I'm on a hot case.

I'm about to close in
on a k*ller.

- A k*ller?
- A k*ller?

Gee, we'd like to
help you, Mr. Boulder

But we, uh, got to bring
this ice cream home.

Wait a minute!

You can't leave now.
Where's your pride?

Besides,
you've been deputized.

I'm afraid he's got us
there, Fred.

Yeah, I forgot
about that.

Remember, when you
lie on your back

and cry
on your pillow,

tears get in your ears.
Boulder's rule.

Drive on, Gus!

Mwah!

A policeman's lot
is not a happy one.

Mwah!

Oh, brother!

[Kissing continues]

You have a reservation,
monsieur?

Who needs
a reservation?

This is Aaron Boulder
and Retinue.

We're his deputies.

Mwah!

Police business.

This sure is
a rotten table, Fred.

You can hardly see
the show from here.

Yeah. That headwaiter
probably hates private eyes.

Oh, monsieur,
I hate to disturb you

Before the souffle

But there has been
an unfortunate accident.

- Accident?
- Yes, monsieur.

The boss, he has been--
How you say--m*rder*d.

m*rder*d! Did you
hear that, Mr. Boulder?

Mwah! Mwah!

- Mr. Boulder!
- Huh?

It's m*rder!

I'll say.

Mwah!

He's been sh*t, stabbed,
choked, strangled

and karated.

What do you make of it,
Mr. Boulder?

Looks like the work
of a jealous woman.

Cigars! Cigarettes!
Souvenirs!

I'll take one of
those souvenirs.

Mwah! Honey.

Ohh! What's that?

Fred: Just a body.

You know anything
about this, miss?

Well,
about an hour ago

I was listening
at the door

And he was having an argument
with Cookie Quartz,

The nightclub
chanteuse.

Yeah? Hmm...

Cookie
was awful mad.

Is that so?
What did she say?

What did she say?

She said if he came
one step closer

She'd sh**t, s*ab,
choke, strangle

and karate him.

You're lovely, my dear.

Hey, did you hear
what she said?

How about that,
Fred?

Well, could be
a coincidence.

What do you make of it,
Mr. Boulder?

Mwah!

East is east,
and west is west

But an elephant
never forgets. Boulder's rule.

Where to now, boss?

Cookie Quartz's apartment,
Gus, and fast.

[Sniffing]

Hey, Fred, something
smells awful good.

Yeah.

Care to join me, boys?

After all, I don't have
an apartment.

On my pay, I can barely
afford to run this car.

Wow-Wowee! Wow-Wow!
Follow that car, Gus!

Uh, yes, boss.

What are we following
her for, Fred?

I don't know. She's probably
a suspect or something.

She's getting away.
Faster!

[Backfiring]

We're out of gas,
boss.

Don't just sit there.
Do something.

She's getting away.

Can't you go
any faster, Gus?

Don't tell me.
Tell them.

You just drive, Gus!

And leave
the pushing to us!

She's getting away again.

Take a shortcut.

Okay, boss.

Gadzooks!

Why don't you watch
where you're going?

Sorry, Charlie.

I can't see, boss.
What now?

Turn on
the windshield wipers.

Oh, yes! I forget!

Shucks, fellas.

She's getting away again.
Faster! Faster!

Hey, boss, looks like
she's stopped up ahead.

Aha! She loves me.

Stop! Stop!

I wish he'd make up
his mind.

He probably located
the suspect, Fred.

Baby, baby, I see
you've run out of gas.

Allow me to assist you.

Well, if you insist.

I do, indeed.

If you keep your head
when everybody loses theirs

You'll be the only one
needing a haircut.

Boulder's rule.

Mwah! Mwah!

Boy, that boulder
sure is a smooth operator.

Ahh!

Cheer up, Fred.
It could have been worse.

She could have been
driving a truck.

Alright, men.
This is cookie's pad.

Now, I want you to go
up there and interrogate her.

Well, aren't you
coming with us, Mr. Boulder?

No. This is all yours.

And don't come back
until that cookie crumbles.

Who is it?

Cookie Quartz?

That's right.

We're from the police.
We'd like to--

Oh, police!

I just adore
policemen.

Lady, please!

Oh, I feel so safe

When I'm in
a policeman's arms.

[Kissing]

Private eyes, huh?
I'll fix them.

Please, lady,
I'll have to remind you

That I'm a married man.

And besides,
you're melting my ice cream!

Oh, I forgot to ask.

Do you take milk
or cream?

Milk,
if you don't mind.

I'll have to get some
in the kitchen.

Hey, nice-Looking pad
she's got here, huh, Fred?

Yeah. Uh-Oh!

Come here,
private eye.

Here we are.

Do you take
sugar?

No, thank you.

I do! 2 lumps!

I'll get some.

Like I was saying,
copper.

Take that!

Here's your sugar.

Thanks a lot,
miss Quartz.

Oh, yes,
I just remembered.

Would you like cookie
to get you some cookies?

No, thank you.

Cookies? Oh, sure, cookie.
Sounds great.

Cookie:
I'll go get some.

No! No, no!
I'll get them.

They're in the icebox, honey.

And take this!

Hey, did you get
the cookies, Fred?

[Mumbling]

Where to now, boss?

Stillrocks gymnasium.

What for, Mr. Boulder?

Deputy Flintstone
gave me a hunch.

He did? Hey,
nice work, Fred.

Yes, Flintstone.

You have the makings
of a real private eye.

[Mumbling]

Rocky Gravelano,
the champ, trains here.

I think
he knows something.

Yeah, I saw his last fight.

And if he knows something,
it ain't about boxing.

There he is,
Flintstone.

Get in there
and make him talk.

What if he
don't want to talk?

He'll talk.
Don't be afraid.

You've got the police
department in back of you.

Yeah, but I'm gonna
have him in front of me.

Right, and keep your eye on him.
He's tricky.

Good man,
that Flintstone.

Alright, Rocky,
I want to ask you a few--

Ask him where he was
on the night of january 16.

Tell him we've got ways
to make him talk.

See you in
the steam room!

How'd you make out
with the champ, Fred?

He ain't so tough.

Towards the end,
I had him plenty worried.

He thought
he'd k*lled me.

Why don't you have
a massage, Fred?

Relax those
tired muscles.

Good idea.

Hey, I like this
private-Eye type business.

How about you, Fred?

Youch!

What, Fred?

Yowch!


Man:
Hey, Inglemar

You're wanted on
the telephone!

Thank you.

Hey, buddy, could you
come here a minute?

Oh, sure.

Put your finger here.

Oh, sure.

Thank you.

Yeah,
don't mention it.

Don't go away.
I'll be right back.

This time I got it.

I know Tootsie Slabstone's
M.O. anywhere.

Tootsie Slabstone, huh?
Did you hear that, Fred?

Uh-Huh.

She lives at
the Waldorf-Astonia.

It's room 901, Fred.

Arrest Tootsie, and cover
yourself with glory.

If it's all the same
to you, mr. Boulder

I've been covered with enough
glory for one day.

Step on it, Flintstone.
I'm double-Parked.

Oh, phooey!

Fred is a good man, Barney--
A credit to my profession.

I'll say he is,
mr. Boulder.

Open up,
in the name of the law!

I'm from the police,
and you're under ar--

Oh, a policeman!

Hey, boys!

Hey, put me down!

Here! You do it!

Nah! You do it!

Uh...

Oops. I missed.

Butterfingers.

[All laugh]

Now what's the matter?

Well, I went up there and told
Tootsie she was under arrest

And 3 guys threw me
out of the window.

They can't do that to me.

Now, you just go
right back up there

And throw them out the window.

But, mr. Boulder,
what about you?

I'll be right here
to count them as they come out.

Hurry, before
they get away.

Alright, in there!
Open up! It's me again.

Aha! Here they come!

Don't start counting,
Mr. Boulder!

It's me again.

This is one of
the most baffling cases

I've ever been on.

Anybody got any ideas?

Yeah. I got an idea.

How about calling
this case closed

and going home?

My wife is waiting
for this ice cream!

No! No, Flintstone!

Aaron boulder,
millionaire policeman

Bon vivant,
and idol of the fair sex

Didn't make his reputation
giving up that easy.

But we seem to have run
out of clues, mr. Boulder.

Yeah.
What about that?

Hey, maybe
Mrs. Mortimer Mortar

The cement heiress,
knows something.

She was running around
with the victim

Before the tragedy
occurred.

It was in all the papers.

That's it!
She must be guilty.

She's having a big party
tonight on her yacht.

Gus, head for
the yacht club.

Right, boss.

There she is--
Mrs. Mortimer mortar's yacht

The flying Fandango.

Fred: Hey,
that's some stow!

Yes, it's a converted
aircraft carrier.

Mrs. Mortar picked it up
at a surplus sale.

There's her private
whirlybird landing now.

Okay. Now,
here's what we'll do.

You know, this waiter
disguise is a good idea.

But I wish mr. Boulder
had come along, Fred.

He could give me a hand
with this rowing.

Well, he wanted to,
Barney, but like he said

Mortars and Boulders
don't mix socially.

Well, uh, how about you
rowing for a while, Fred?

Barney,
stop complaining!

We only got a couple
of thousand knots to go.

And besides, I got to carry
all this paraphernalia.

Now, hear this,
waiters

Report to
the dining salon

And don't fraternize
with the guests.

If anybody wants me, I'll
be downstairs having dinner.

Boy! Barney, this is
really high class, huh?

Gee, I'll say.

Hey, Fred, get a load
of that green salad.

It's chopped-Up
money.

[Both laugh]

Oh, looking at all this food
is making me hungry.

Alright, buster.
Put it back!

Uh, yes, sir.
Sorry.

Barney, we're not
supposed to fraternize.

Remember,
we're here on business.

I wonder which one of those rich
dames is Mrs. Mortimer Mortar.

I do hope you darlings
are enjoying yourselves.

Wonderful party,
dear.

And you're looking lovely,
Mrs. Mortar.

Hey, there she is,
Fred.

Which one?

Just follow
the cigarette holder.

It'll lead you
right to her.

Right, Barney.

Ahem! Excuse me,
Mrs. Mortar

But can we see you
for a minute privately?

Why, certainly.

Excuse me, darlings.

Servants are
such a problem these days.

Now, my good man,
what is it you wish?

Well, I hate
to tell you this, lady

but you're under arrest.

Cops! Listen,
dumb flatfoot

You'll never
take me in.

You think this is
a filter cigarette, don't you?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Look, lady, you're already
wanted for m*rder!

Don't make it
resisting arrest, too!

Stop! One more step

And I'll blow
this ship to kingdom come

with this stick
of dynamite.

What do you think,
Barney?

I think she's
only bluffing, Fred.

Come on, Barney!

Sure. Let's get her!

"I think she's
only bluffing, Fred."

Oh, boy!

Well, uh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Boulder.

Now what?
Where is Mrs. Mortar?

Well, that's what we came
back to tell you, sir.

We didn't get her.

Didn't get her?

Do I have to do
everything myself?

Am I the only guy around here

that can ever get the girl?

Look, here, Boulder,
speaking of girls

I got a little woman,

and she's home
waiting for me

and that is where
I'm going!

Here's your badge!

Yeah,
and mine, too.

Come back, boys!

I got a confession to make.

- You're on television.
- Huh?

Sure. There's the camera.
Show him, Gus.

Heh heh heh heh!

And the badges
were really microphones.

You mean...

that's right

You've been guests
on my new TV show.

It's called

"Smile, you're on
my favorite crime."

B-B-Barney, We've been
on television.

What do you think
of that, Barney?

Gee...I don't know.
Ha ha ha ha!

There's the camera.
Oh, gosh. Oh, boy.

Gee, gee,
a candid crime show.

Oh, gosh! Ha ha ha!

I sure appreciate
this lift home, Mr. Boulder.

But there's one more thing
you've got to do for us.

Name it.

Come in and help square this
with our wives.

A friend in need
is a friend indeed.

One good turn
is worth two in the bush.

Boulder's rule.
I'll do it.

Both: Thank you,
Mr. Boulder.

Wilma. Oh, Wilma!

It's me.
With the ice cream!

- Fred!
- Barney!

I can explain
everything, Wilma.

Me and Barney were coming home
with the ice cream

and we ran into this guy
Aaron Boulder--

We know. We know.

We saw the whole thing
on television.

Oh, Fred, you stole the show.

You were wonderful,
too, Barney!

And we thought you
were the greatest, Mr. Boulder.

Thank you, my dear.

But now I must bid you
au revoir.

I have a very important
client waiting.

Boy what a day.
It's good to be home, dear.

Fred, in that scene with
Tootsie Slabstone

You looked like you
were enjoying it.

Wilma, don't you recognize great
acting when you see it?

Well, just don't
let it happen again--

TV or no TV.

You'll wind up
in living color--

Black and blue--
and that's Wilma's rule.

- Get it?
- I get it.

[Both laugh]

Flintstones
meet the Flintstones

They're the modern
stone age family

From the town of Bedrock

They're a page
right out of history

Someday maybe Fred
will win the fight

Then that cat will
stay out for the night

When you're
with the Flintstones

Have a yabba-Dabba-Doo time

A dabba-Doo time

We'll have a gay old time

We'll have a gay old time

Wilma!
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