04x14 - Beast Tamer

[bunniefuu]

OK. This is it.

Our last chance to win
tickets to the Beast Bowl.

Tonight!
The Beast Bowl is back!

Undefeated beast tamer,
Chase Riprock

goes up against
terrifying, hideous,

untamable beast, Washong.

Your chance to win
the four remaining tickets

is happening now.

All right, guys.
It's like a carnival game.

We just have to sh**t Washong
until his head blows up.

All right, go!

Record time!
You're the winner!

Yes, yes, we won!

We're going to the Beast Bowl!
How do we get our tickets?

They're delivered personally by me.

Chase Riprock? Awesome!
Is Washong coming?

Oh, so you're a beast fan, huh?

Well, no hard feelings, but I tend to root

for the hairiest ones in sporting events.

All right, excuse him.
Or ignore him.

Whatever you want to do with him.

Do you have our tickets?

Hello... winner.

Hello.

So how 'bout those tickets?
Sorry, sorry, uh...

I just forgot why I was here for a minute.

What was your name?
Alex Russo.

I'm Justin.
I'm Max.

And, uh, you still haven't
given us those tickets yet.

Alex Russo?
The Alex Russo?

I heard you saved the world
from the Angels of Darkness.

Oh, that. Yeah.

Sometimes I like to do amazing things

just to throw people off, you know?

Would you mind if I got a picture with you?

With me? OK.
Yeah.

Here, I'll take it for you, Chase.
OK.

Pretty good.

It's just you.
Yeah, you're welcome.

If you want a picture with her,

you probably want a picture with me, too.

I'm Justin Russo.
The Justin Russo.

Monster hunter.

Oh, that's great.
I love monster hunters.

You guys keep stray monsters
off the street.

You know, there is nothing worse

than a monster doing his
business on your front lawn.

He's basically saying

you're the dog catcher of the Wizard World.

No, that's not what he's saying.

What he's saying is that beast
tamers and monster hunters

are equally important.
Tell her, Chase.

Look, I've gotta run,

but if you guys come by
the arena this afternoon,

I'll give you all a tour.

Oh, Mr. Announcer Guy didn't
say anything about a tour.

Well, I figured you saved the world,

the least I could do is give you a tour.

Ah, I get it.

He wants us to come by the arena

so that way I can show him
my monster hunting techniques.

Really? I thought he was
just flirting with Alex.

I totally misread that.

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Mason. Hey, guess what?

I won us tickets to the Beast Bowl!

And Chase Riprock is gonna
give us a tour of the arena!

I'm sorry, Alex, but
I'm busy this afternoon.

Wait.
You're busy again?

But just last night you
canceled our big plans

to sit on the couch and do nothing.

I had to do nothing alone.

I know, Alex, but I
can't do anything today,

much less nothing.

I'm really sorry. Bye!

Harper, did you see that?
I won tickets to the Beast Bowl,

and Mason didn't want to come.

That's crazy.
Why is he being so aloof?

Aw, "aloof."

Look who didn't skip English this week.

I remembered it because it
sounded like a dog has a cold.

Oh, yeah, it does.

Alex, you and Mason

have been together for almost a year.

You're at the point where you don't
have to be together every moment.

Your relationship is steadfast.

Steadfast?
It means solid.

Oh. Thanks, Harper.
Now I can skip English.

Hey, could you do me
a steadfast and say "here"

when they call my name?
Thanks.

Here we are.

Wow. I can't believe
I'm in the arena.

Look. There's those
beast-taming clowns.

Ah, well, if you're born
with a red nose like that

I guess you only have two jobs:

Clown or guiding a sleigh.

Whoa.

Hey, Justin, check it out.

Look at me, I'm Washong.
I'm gonna escape the ring.

I'm all right.

Some invisible jerk just hit me though.

Invisible jerk, show yourself!

You hit the force field barrier

that's there to keep the beast in the ring.

I knew about the force field barrier.

Monster hunters and beast tamers...

we know all the same stuff.

Oh, well, then you probably also know

that that area over there...

Is strictly off limits.

Mm-hmm. See, we know
all the same stuff.

Yeah, you know, down there
is where we keep Washong.

Don't go over there, whatever you do.

Whatever you do, guys.
Not that way.

Mm-hmm. Ooh.
OK.

You know what else is off limits?

My beast taming whip.

Will you put it down before you lose a toe?

No, no, no. I got this.

This is actually like a lot of the weapons

that I use for monster hunting.
Which is actually...

Whoa!

My toe! My toe!

Oh, it's still there.
Oh, it's still there.

That's how you make
sparks sh**t out of a whip.

Gimme that.

That... is how it works.

There were more sparks when I did it.

Wow. That looks like
so much fun!

It is.

I can teach you to be as good as I am.

It might take years,

but, uh, I'm willing to
put in the time if you are.

All right, now that's our practice dummy.

Don't tell anyone,

but I also use him to
drive in the carpool lane.

So, pretend he's the beast.
I want you to throw the whip

with a high arching motion.

OK.
OK?

Take that, beast!

Sorry! I'm sorry.
You're good.

No blood, no foul.

Let me try again.
I can get this.

Of course you can.
You're a natural, OK.

Now, the key is to visualize.

Think about exactly what you want it to do.

All right, cool.
I'll try again.

Yeah.

Max, you have nothing to fear.

I'm gonna tame that beast,

and then you can have your picture with it.

But Justin, you're a monster hunter.

That's my point.

Monster hunters are
as good as beast tamers.

OK.
OK.

All right, now.
The silent approach.

Silent approach. Shh.

It's the hallmark of a good monster hunter.

That's right.
Let's use hand signals.

Get your hands off of me!
I'm an official monster hunter!

I know important people!
Justin!

What are you doing?

You can't bother a beast before a show.

Before a show.

Yeah, I...
I knew that.

I knew that.
You see, monster hunters,

we have to check off-limit areas
to see if they're secure.

It's secure.
These very nice gentlemen...

They got it all under control.

Mm-hmm.

This monster hunter right
here... I say "Carry on."

Stop saying "monster hunter."

The last time you hunted a monster

you caught a watermelon wearing pants.

Sorry, Justin.

But, clearly, you're an amateur.

Anyone who goes into the off-limits
area is banned from the show.

It's out of my hands.

How can you call me an amateur?

I am using official hand signals here.

Hey! Get your
filthy hands off me!

I am so sorry about my brothers.

Already forgotten.

All right, but let's keep moving on.

Why don't we gear you up?

How about a beast taming cape?

Oh, cute! I love green.

Do you use a cape?

Nah, it would just get in the way.

I just thought it would look nice on you.

And it does.

Wait, Chase.

I'm sorry, I came here for a tour,

not to almost kiss you.
I... I have a boyfriend.

You do? Alex, I'm sorry,
I didn't know.

I should go.

You're not gonna stay for the show?

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing right now.

Harper, I really need to talk.

I can't right now.
I have customers.

Chase and I almost kissed.
You what?

I don't know what happened.

He was giving me a tour of the arena,

and all of a sudden
he leaned in to kiss me.

But you're with Mason.
I know.

That's what I told Chase
when I stopped him.

Well, you can't go back
to the beast taming show.

Right, I just... I just
need to be with Mason tonight.

Here you go.

Since when do we serve pasta?

Oh, 'cause your sandwiches
are doing so well.

Hey, look, there's Mason coming
out of the hardware store now.

Mason!

Mason. Hi.

Oh, uh... Hi, Alex.

Is the Beast Bowl over already?

No. Why?
What'd you hear? Why?

Nothing.
Good.

Hey, um, why don't we do something tonight?

Something fun.
Just you and me.

I'm afraid I can't.
I'm too busy.

Wait. Why do you
have a chisel?

Oh, this?

Oh, well, that's actually why I'm busy.

Yeah, I'm going to surprise my parents

and chisel out a bathroom for the cave.

It'd be really nice to go indoors for once.

You're choosing chiseling over me?

I'm not choosing.

I just think that every man
needs his own chiseling time.

And look at that.
It's chiseling time.

So what'd he say?

That he'd rather chisel
than hang out with me.

I don't get it.

Why doesn't he want to be around me?

I don't know.

Look, why don't we order a pizza

and talk in bad Italian accents?

That always cheers you up.

I said bad Italian accents.

No, no.

I'm not gonna sit at home

and be the sad person I feel like being.

I'm going to the Beast Bowl

like I wanted to do in the first place.

Well, what about Chase?

I'm going to the Beast Bowl.

Mason! I've been looking
all over for you.

Oh, no. Alex isn't
with you, is she?

No, and why are you avoiding her?

I have a really good reason,

but you have to promise you won't tell.

I'm not promising anything.

I just finished making
this sculpture for Alex.

I'm going to surprise her with
it next week on our anniversary.

Oh, my gosh.
I do promise I won't tell.

That is so romantic.
But you've gotta take this sculpture

to the beast taming show right now.

What? Wait, you want me to lug
this thing through the portal

to the Wizard World?
You don't have a choice.

Chase Riprock likes Alex.
What do you mean?

I'm saying the famous beast
tamer is after your girlfriend.

Get out of my way!

Nothing can stop me from getting
this cumbersome work of art

to that arena!

Oh, it won't fit!
This is a nightmare.

Oh. See, that wasn't so bad.
Thanks, Harper.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you for coming tonight.

Behind that gate

we have the wild, the ferocious,

the hairy, horned beast...

Washong!

Many have attempted,
but no one has yet tamed him.

I present to you,

Chase "The Beast Tamer"...

Riprock!

I need to get back in that ring

and prove to Chase
that I am not an amateur.

He's right, dude. Even that
clown was laughing at you.

A clown.

A clown, that's it.

I know, sweet putdown, right?
We can sneak into the arena

disguised as beast taming clowns.

Then I can tame the beast
in front of everyone,

and prove that monster hunters

are just as good as beast tamers.

Right. Then I can finally
get my picture with Washong.

Then I can move on to my next album,

"Pictures of me with things that sound
like they can swim, but can't."

Like fish tacos.

Turn that frown upside down.

Time to become a beast taming clown.

OK. I'm gonna
go into the ring

and prove that I can tame a beast.

All right, then you can
take my picture with it.

Make sure you turn the flash on.

I like the little white dot
you see at the end.

Just watch my back.

I'll just watch behind
the impenetrable force field.

That invisible jerk
took down the force field!

Where is he?

Raise the force field...

and release...
the... beast!

Get me out of here!

Back, Washong. Back!

Ha-ha!

I got the whip.
I got the whip.

Hey, you filthy, disgusting

slobbering mass of flesh.

You are about to be tamed
by a monster hunter.

It went through the field.

I got it!

Listen, Washong.

Some mean things were said...

Please let me live!

Excuse me? Mr. Washong.

Hi, I'm a big fan.
Just wondering if I can get a picture?

Oh, yeah, that's good.
Make it look like you're about to att*ck.

No! No, the Beast
hates the flash!

Where's my whip?

The Beast can't be
tamed. We're all gonna die!

No, help me! Help me!

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Wide load coming through.

Alex!
Mason! Help me!

Let go of her!

Chase, catch the whip!

Hey, Washong.

I'm the one you want!

Alex, go!

Chase. Good job.
I had your back the whole time.

It's me, Justin.

Mason!

Hey, guys. Look how good
you look with the beast.

I'll just print it out for you.

Alex, thank goodness you're OK.

I'm so sorry I haven't
been there for you, but...

it's because
I was working on this.

It's a sculpture of the two of us.

Happy anniversary.
Oh, my gosh.

It's so beautiful.
Thank you.

Alex.

Are you OK?

Chase, you saved me.
Thank you so much.

No, I couldn't have done it
without your help.

Yeah, come on, Alex.
Let's go.

Bye, Chase.

Little help here, darling.

OK, where the heck am I
gonna put this thing?

I don't get it, Justin.

Why can't we just use magic
to take the clown makeup off?

'Cause that's not how clowns do it.

They do it like this.

Is it all off?

No no no no. But come on in here.

I got something that can take it all off.
Come here. Come here.