01x09 - Animal Passion

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Whoa. Going out tonight?

Your hair looks extra shiny today,
like a unicorn's mane.

Oh! No. No plans. I just... washed it.

You should wash it every day.
You look amazing.

I do wash it every day.

Hm. I do look good.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Oof. Not my best angle.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Yikes. Where did that come from?

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Oh!

Now, I'm cooking with gas.

Ah!

I was just looking for an earring.

The trick is to look
away from the camera,

like you're talking to someone,

and take the picture right
as you turn into the camera.

Wow. You're like the Annie
Leibovitz of selfies.

Yeah, you don't bag a guy like Marko

without knowing how to work a phone.

So, just sit back and turn. Mm-hm.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Yeah. Hm.

Wow. I look like...

A completely different person.

Wait, should I not try to look like me?

Ideally? No.

What? Why?

What do I look like?

♪ I don't lose my cool ♪

♪ I love to call you mine ♪

♪ And whenever I'm with you, my baby ♪

♪ I keep my Fahrenheit ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah I never lose my cool ♪

(WHIMPERING)

Oh, yeah.

Nicorette! What up?

Ah, when did we get this guy?

So adorbs, right?

I totally get why Cruella De Vil

wanted to make a coat out of them.

I mean, I wouldn't,
but cutest coat ever.

What do you think it's worth?
Two grand? More?

We're not selling the Dalmatian.

Who included you in this?

(BARKING)

(WHIMPERING)

SHANNON: Aw!

So, I can't sell a used dog,

but you can perv on those two?

Max is just showing his friend around;
it's so cute.

NIKKI: They're hella
horny, you can tell.

She wants to strip him down.

'Kay, you say that
about literally everyone.

Hey, I didn't make
this sex-crazed world.

I just live in it.

Speaking of: here's your 'daddylovah'.

Hey, Shans.

Hey... Jeffy. How's m'boy?

Oh! I was going to ask the same thing.

And from him it would make sense.

Max! Hey, bud!

Who's that?

Uh... I don't know.

Maybe he didn't recognize you with,

ah, facial hair and a new jacket?

Or he's just trying to look
cool in front of his girlfriend.

Uh, Max does not have a girlfriend.

Beg to differ, Big Tech.

I-I think she just means Max
might have a little crushy.

MAX: Over here, see,
we got these little cats.

No. That's not...
he's never even mentioned a girl, so...

Right! Who knows? Not me.

Probably you. Papa knows best.

MAX: He hasn't learned to pee on it yet.

My god, Max. You're hilarious.

JEFFERY: Oh, boy.

That ain't no thang.

Me and my cousin held hands for years.

Not Nikki.

Male cousin - Johnny. Remember Johnny?

Kind of tall, handsome.

Not handsome, but, uh...

Max?

Come talk to Dad.

I'm sure you'd know if
anything was going on, that's all.

Yeah. He tells me everything.

(CLEARING THROAT)

How you doing?

Fine.

Ooh, he does tell you everything.

So...

Just thought you and your
friend might want a ride home?

(CLEARING THROAT)

I'm good, thanks.

Yeah. Uh, Blair and I are good, thanks.

Oh! Sure. Okay. Cool.

Just, uh... I guess
I'll see you at home.

'Kay.

If it makes you feel any better,

I was sexually active at
and I still live at home.

Just 'cause he's boinking,

doesn't mean he doesn't
want his laundry done.

Right.

Well, cheers.

Bye.

Did Jeffrey have a tan?

Yeah. Dad vibes, but... beachy.

I'd hit that.

Your dad's hot. Deal with it.

Yeah. That's... Nikki.

♪ I'm getting lost in you ♪

♪ Summer nights ♪

♪ The weather blows circles... ♪

Yeah!
And I could probably work out a discount

for a bulk cone purchase.

Well, Kristian's been looking
for a reason to bulk up.

Just call me Heracles...

who was Greek. That's
how you pronounce it.

Well, I shouldn't work out
because I've just had surgery.

Bark, bark!

Ha. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

Well, all this sounds good.

Yeah, we could be, ah,
'conevinced' to put in an order.

ABBY: Okay.

Yeah,
we're just 'coneing' around to the idea.

Kristian already made a cone pun, so...

Ah.

Well, one cone never
have too much wordplay.

Or, yeah, maybe one can.

Well, I should go.

I'll keep you updated on the order.

Yeah.

Thanks so much, guys!

Yeah, sorry. Ah, bye, Abby.

Totally agree.

(PHONE RINGING)

Actually, this is Ravi.
I'm just going to... hey, babe.

Aw, you didn't have to
call just to tell me that.

I think this is stuck.

♪ ♪

Oh, hey, Max. Everything good?

Yeah.

Ah, well, I don't mean to pry,

but I've just been noticing
a bit of an attitude shift.

Oh. No, no, no, no, no.

That's just 'cause I'm just
missing an insole in one shoe.

No, I meant more your... 'daditude'.

- Sorry?
- Look, I know you want your space,

but that doesn't mean
you have to shut him out.

You mean the way you did?

Uh, well, no.
We were dating; that's different.

Why? Did he say that?

Look, it's... it's, um...

It's just kind of hard to talk
to him about, you know...

Girl stuff.

Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Well, I'm sure if...

You're a girl.

Oh, wow. Yes, I am.

Uh, more of a woman, but...

Blair's really nice.

Mm-hm. I bet your...

dad would agree. Yeah.

She's the only one in my
karate class who doesn't yell,

"Finish him!" And-and
she wrote this poem

about her dog, Scout,
who passed away recently,

so we've both lost someone that we love.

Aww. That sounds great.
Ah, not the losing loved ones,

but it sounds like you guys connected.

I feel that she wants to
try to move things forward,

and-and so do I.

I-I just want to try to
make everything nice.

At least not screw it up.

Aw, Max.

This-this is really stupid.

No, no! It's very sweet.

I just wish more guys were like
you instead of, "Hurry up!"

"My parents will be
home from the Keg soon,"

or "Let's go camping"...
code for "Let's do it in the park."

Never thought about camping.

Just be honest. Talk to Blair about it,

and if you both do decide
that you are ready for...

intimité, then-then go for it!

When I was your age,
it was all I could think about,

and then you get a little bit older

and you still think about it,
but not as much.

And then,
one day you wake up and you realize

you haven't thought about it in
close to a year and you think,

"What is wrong with me? Is this it?"

"Just a condo with cats and,
if I'm being honest,"

"even they seem bored."

Shannon, uh, are we talking about sex?

Uh, you said that you wanted
to move things forward.

I meant to, like, dinner, or a movie.

That's why I asked you.

So, you think that Blair wants sex?

No, no! I mean, I don't know.

I mean, everyone
moves at their own pace.

So, this is your pace?

Max, the important
thing is communication,

so no one's embarrassed, or hurt,

or confused by what
you're talking about.

So, a movie's fine, then?

Yes! A movie is great! Very romantic.

But, you know, check in with Blair.

She's probably just
as nervous as you are.

Right. Um, so, when you and my
dad went on your first date... ?

Okay, we're done.

Hey, good job! I saw
Greta's limp is gone.

Yeah.

Though I kind of miss it.

Gave her some swagger.

Yeah, like, uh, "Back up, b*tches."

Sorry. What'd you say?

Not important. Yeah.

No, it sounded funny. What was it?

It was Greta. Uh, "Back up... "

(PHONE RINGING) I'm so sorry.

Babe, you are gonna get me in trouble.

(SIGHING)

I know that look.

There's no look.

Like a grocery cashier
when you pull out a coupon.

I just think Lara's very nice...
and sweet...

and she should be with
someone who appreciates her,

makes her laugh,
enjoys the outdoors, is tall.

You know, I was in love
with someone once...

Oh, I'm not in... I'm telling a story.

This woman,

I wanted to tell her,

but she was my best friend's wife,

so I felt like I shouldn't.

Loyalty.

Also, he was quite high up

in organized crime
and extremely jealous.

One time, he knifed a guy for
calling his wife the wrong name

and then he knifed the other guy
for correcting the first guy.

Huh. Well, thanks, but I'm good.

That's what I thought...

until it was too late.

She d*ed?

Well, she was .
Um, did I not mention that?

(EXHALING SHARPLY)

♪ ♪

♪ Don't do it, oh-oh... ♪

♪ I can lay out the breeze ♪

JEFFERY: Taking a selfie?

Oh! Ah, no.

I had pulled pork for lunch

and I was just... Yeah. Selfie!

Uh, but Max isn't here right now,

which I'm sure you know
'cause you know wassup.

Yeah. And I'm sorry about the other day

if I was a little defensive.

Oh, no! I get it.

You and Max have a special relationship.

You can say it. I'm overprotective.

Okay, fine, maybe a smidge.

And, you were right, I talked to Max...
I hope that's okay...

And the thing with
Blair is very innocent.

- Really?
- Yeah. He didn't even know

how to ask her out. I suggested a movie.

I didn't want to overstep.

That's great.

I've been trying to give him space,
but this is a relief.

I don't know what I'd do
without your friendship.

Yeah!

I just hope you didn't
come all this way for...

Oh, no. I'm en route to meet someone.

She's in the neighbourhood.

Oh! You're dating. Yeah.

We were gonna catch a flick, too.

Hope I don't run into Max.

I mean, might be kind of funny.

No. Giving him space.

But I'd love to talk about
your Max conversation sometime.

Maybe over coffee?

Sure. Yeah.

OKAY, QUESTION:
if you broke it off with Marko

and he told you that he
was meeting another woman,

what would your reaction be?

Is it Danika? Trin? Patrice?

No, Nikki, you don't know this girl.

Oh, some new slice?
He is so dead right now.

Let's go out tonight, find me a rebound.

Okay, never mind.

Pick me up at eight.

Nikki, you're still working!

(DOOR CLOSING)

(SIGHING)

♪ Gotta tell the people ♪

♪ Around my way... ♪

Hey.

Oh, thanks, Paul.
Just had a little accident here.

Oh. What kind of accident?

Greta made a mistake. As in?

- She pooped.
- Ah.

Sorry,
Kristian and I tend to use euphemisms:

'fresh pretzels, '

'doggy don't-don'ts,
' 'performance reviews'.

He likes you, you know.

What?

Yeah, I just thought you should know.

He's shy, might not say.

Sometimes people should just
tell each other how they feel

or else they end up full of regret...

and also happy they weren't stabbed.

Hm.

Hi! How was the date?

I want all... the... 'deets'.
What movie did you guys see?

Did you share popcorn?

Did you both reach for it at
the same time and touch hands?

We-went good. Uh, we saw Die Hard.

Die Hard's in theatres? Where?

Uh, not sure. It was,
um, it's pretty dark.

Did you take her somewhere after?

Well, um...

Hey! Uh, sorry to interrupt,

but I need to talk to you... in private.

Okay.

What's up?

I found an item in the back.

I'm gonna need more detail.

It's a...

brassiere.

What kind of a psychopath
gets naked in a shelter?

(THUDDING) Ow.

We should file a report to the board

and register a complaint with...

It's mine.

What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was reading an article that,

uh, said that a lot of women

are wearing the wrong-sized
bra and I thought,

"Huh, I wonder if I'm one
of those unlucky ladies."

And then, I happened to find
a tape measure in the back,

and I thought, "There's no
time like the present," so...

Okay, so you measured yourself at work?

In front of the dogs?

And then, forgot to
put your bra back on.

It sounds very unlikely, but so true.

Well, I'm glad you measured

because you are definitely
wearing the wrong size.

- Ah, thank you.
- Yeah.

Glad to have... 'ol'
pink' back in rotation.

So, the movie?

Uh, yeah. We, um,
we didn't actually, uh...

I know. And FYI,

you can't bring girls back to
the shelter for... sexy time.

It's a violation of
workplace health and safety,

and I've worked too hard

to have our reputation
ruined by a couple of...

horny teenagers.

Totes normal,
sexuality is healthy, no shame,

but this stops now.

I'm so sorry, okay?

You told me to follow Blair's lead

and she kind of led
me here and there and...

kind of everywhere.

Oh, my god. I promised your dad
he had nothing to worry about

when, clearly, he should be
more worried than he already is!

No, you're not going
to tell him, are you?

I don't know what to do.

This whole thing's
just been a huge mess.

Why? What happened?

I-I asked Blair to the movies,
like you told me to.

I didn't tell you. I just suggested.

I was showing her around the kennels,

and I just kept thinking
about what you said -

that I should go for it

while I'm still young
enough to feel something,

so I don't end up all
sad when I'm your age.

That's a very liberal
interpretation of what I said.

I-I know it was wrong to...

I mean, you know... here, but it just...

It happened so fast, and I mean, like,

really, really fast.

Is it always supposed to be that fast?

No, that's pretty normal
for a boy's first time.

No, I-I meant Blair -

she was done in, like, five minutes.

Oh! Uh, well,

there's nothing wrong with
healthy female... 'sexuocity'.

So, is it like that for you, too?

Or did it used to be, or wh... ?

Well, the important thing is

that you were safe and
that you both had... fun.

Yeah. We were super safe, I-I know that.

I didn't even, like, undo anything,

or take anything off, or...

Is that normal, too?

Maybe you should talk
to your dad about this,

get his, ah, take on it.

Maybe.

But, then again, last time,

your advice didn't
really work out so well.

Again, I was just kind of
suggesting in a general way.

And, uh, here,

Blair might need this back.

Thanks.

Uh, Shannon?

Mm-hm?

Um, I-I hope when I am ready to
take things to the next level,

I can do it with someone who's as honest

and thoughtful as you are.

That's very sweet.

But please don't say
that to anyone else, okay?

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I know I can't stop thinking
'bout you ♪

♪ Oh, ye-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ I know you can't stop thinking
'bout me... ♪

So?

How's things?

Not good.

Lara is acting very cold.

When I told her about this
study on cat pheromones,

all she said was, "Cool."

It's not just cool. It
is ground-breaking!

Maybe she's having problems with Ravi.

Has she said anything to you?

Nope. None. Nobody's... nope.

Oh. Maybe I should ask her?

Yeah, yeah. Or that
might make things worse.

You know... you know
what? I bet it would,

I bet it would make things worse.

- How?
- Well, because...

Because then I would be intruding,

just like Ravi does all day.

Exactly. (CLEARING THROAT)

(CATS YOWLING)

But, what if I never say anything

and end up depressed or
heartbroken like you?

Not that you're
depressed or heartbroken,

but the guy in your story was.

That was me. Right.

I'll tell you what,
I'll ask her for you.

- Oh, would you?
- Yeah. I bet it's nothing.

But, um, be subtle.

And thanks.

Oh, hey. Lara, you got a sec?

What were you thinking?

Of having a chat.

No. I don't want the weirdness

of working with someone knowing
they feel that way when I don't.

I also don't want to
hurt anyone's feelings.

Ah, don't worry about me.

I meant Kristian.

Oh, yeah.
Well, that's the thing - I got mixed up.

Kristian is head over heels,

but not for you; for... Amy.

Abby? Yeah. That's it.

Dog Cone Girl?

Oh, wow! Look at you.

"Kristian must be in love
with me and nobody else"

"because that's impossible."

I didn't mean that, I just... Abby?

Huge crush. Can't
stop talking about her.

' "Abby this, Abby that."

It's, like, "We get it, Kristian!"

"You're nuts about Abby."

Really?

Ah, no... not you, Amy.

I'm Abby.

I know.

♪ Jump in, come here... ♪

Oh! Hey there, guy.
You in the neighbourhood again?

Yeah. Just wanted to see
if Max needed a ride home,

but it looks like you're
one of the last ones here.

Yeah, burning the midnight oil.

I mean, it's :

and I was just finishing
a Sudoku, but, uh,

gots to keep the mind sharp.

Thanks again for
everything you did for Max.

He and I had a long chat

about his date with Blair.

Oh, I'm so glad he opened up.

And you're okay with everything?

I-I will be. He-he's a good
kid and I have got to trust

that he's going to
make the right decisions.

Exactly.
You can't watch over him all the time,

and it he wants to have sex,
he is gonna have sex.

He and Blair are having sex?

No! Probably not. Who can say?

You did. Just now.

Why is everyone suddenly
listening to everything I say?

Wow.

(SIGHING)

Um... I know this is hard,

but you knew it was
going to happen sometime.

I mean, they're .

Well, I guess.

And I haven't exactly been
setting the best example,

what with seeing other people now.

I guess I loosened the reins
just when he needed me most.

Um, I'm sorry,
but how many others are we talking?

Uh, 'cause... 'cause, me, too.

I'm just trying to compare, contrast.

Oh! Just been dating more.

I took your advice to ease up,

let go of some of the old habits.

Yeah! Absolutely.
Get out there and sex it up.

A-anyway, if we're
both playing the field,

maybe we could meet
up for a game sometime?

Meet for a practice,
or a little scrimmage.

Really?

I'd like that.

sh**t! I've got an osteo appointment.

Um, but I'll call you?

If you're game for a
game, then I'm game.

Game on.

♪ ♪

S-so are you two back
together now, or... ?

- Oh, my god!
- Sorry.

He's not coming back for me, is he?

Not today, no.

Okay, I'll get a bus. Okay.

♪ I can change like the weather ♪

♪ Lookin' for days that's much better ♪

♪ Trying to share my light ♪

What is going on?

Special offers?

Those are usually scams,
but click it just in case.

No, Abby keeps texting me.

We just ordered a ton of cones.

Yeah, you should block her.

And Lara is still radio silence,
but giving me these odd looks.

It's probably just a full moon.

Hm. Abby!

Oh my God. You look amazing.

Thanks. I've been texting you.

Yeah, he's been really busy,
dealing with the full moon.

Wow! Abby,

I love that jacket.

So, are you two... ?

Yeah, Lara,
there's something I have to tell you.

Paul? Don't.

- I have to.
- You really don't.

I lied.

Continue.

I told you that Kristian
had a crush on you.

What... ?

Then, I told you that
Kristian had a crush on Abby.

You said "huge crush." Hold on...

And I told myself

that my lies were okay because,
for a brief moment,

I could correct my past by
messing with your futures.

And... and now poor Abby
is in love with Kristian...

- No, I'm not.
- Oh, Abby,

- you don't need to be embarrassed.
- I'm not.

I'm ju... I'm taking my
grandmother to the theatre.

And I-I just stopped by
to say I do like you.

But I'm seeing someone,

and I just thought we
should just stay friends.

Sure.

That's nice.

Well, have a nice time at the theatre.

- What?
- With your grandmother?

Right! Duh.

Well, I should go.

My grandma's really excited about...

Hamlet.

Oh... there is no boyfriend.

Or theatre with grandma.

Or cone discount.

Well, guess we're even.

I hope Abby's okay.

Oh, she'll be fine.

Sharing your feelings is tough.

But sometimes the harder thing

is not sharing them at all, you know?

I do know, actually...

because...

Like one time, I told this guy, Troy -

total snack - that I was into him.

The guy was jacked, and I thought,

"If I don't say
something, I'll regret it."

So, I said something. Next thing,

we're doing it
Twister-style in the park,

getting stuck in a tube slide.

I am so glad we're finally sharing.

Yeah. Don't get me
started on his tongue.

I will not...

Yeah.

... get you started on that.

Again?

I mean this with the greatest respect,

but you have got to stop
obsessing about your boobs.

Excuse me?

I think it's time to get
a professional fitting.

Sorry, Joy. Uh, this is not mine.

Really?

Clearly. I cannot run with those horses.

Why are you wearing my bra?

Sorry, I was just...

I don't know how to
finish that sentence.

And what, pray tell,
were you doing in the back

that required you to whip this off?

I was knocking boots
with Marko in Meow Town.

- Nikki!
- I'm kidding!

God! Could you imagine?

I really can't. It's mostly urine.

Relax. I took my bra off

because my back was sore.

Okay, enough chit-chat. Let's get busy.

And by "busy,"
I mean everybody keep their bras on.

So, uh, I'm going to need
you to waive an adoption fee.

Nikki! You are not
taking that Dalmatian!

♪ Let's shake it up ♪

[UPBEAT]