06x08 - Eyewitness Blues

[bunniefuu]

[Man] ♪ come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

[Phone ringing]

Hello. Hi, janet.

Your appointment book?
Yeah. It's right here.

Oh, sure, I'll bring
it down to you.

Listen, don't forget you're
taking me to lunch today.

What do you mean you don't
even remember asking me?

Are you kidding me?

It's written right down here
in your appointment book.

"Take jack to lunch."

Okay?

Okay. All right. I'll see you
then. Bye-bye. Free lunch.

♪ La enchilada, la enchilada get
them while they're red and hot ♪

Terri! I'm going out
for a little while.

[Terri] okay. Have
fun. Bye. Bye-bye.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, jack. Jack, you hurt?

Oh. No it's okay.
Terri's a nurse.

I'll have her set
the elbow for me.

I'm so sorry, jack.

Cindy, look, there are
two ways to open a door...

The right way and your way.

Now, I'm gonna show you
the right way to open a door.

Okay? Watch carefully.

[Jack] here I go.

See, you open the
door very carefully.

You look to the left.
You look to the right.

You look up. You look
down. You look everywhere.

See, that's the right
way to open up a door.

You got that? Yes.

Good. Why don't you work
on that? I'll catch you later.

See ya.

Oh, hi, cindy. How
have you been?

Fine. Good.

Terri, are you doing
anything tonight? No.

Terrific. How would you
like to go on a blind date?

Oh, thanks, but no thanks. My
last blind date was a disaster.

What happened? He showed up.

Terri... No, forget.
No more blind dates.

Gosh, terri, I'm really
sorry to hear that,

'Cause this guy, craig, is
tall, handsome... A real brain.

And you know, all that money
hasn't spoiled him one bit.

How soon could he get here?

Well, we have a couple of
flowers on special this week.

Mums, and they
stay for a long time.

Oh, janet. Here's your
appointment book.

Where are you taking me
to lunch? Oh, excuse me.

Jack, I'm gonna have to
finish with this customer first.

Anything I can do to help? Yeah.
You could see what mr. Furley wants.

Mr. Furley, I didn't see you.
What are you doing here?

Big date tonight, jack.

Thought I'd soften her up with
flowers. Well, that's good thinking.

How much is that
bouquet right there?

Oh, uh, janet! How
much are these?

Um, $25.

Okay. Great. I'll just
wrap them up for you.

$25?

$25 Is a little more than
I wanted to spend. Oh?

Yeah, you see, I want to
take francine to the movies.

It's two for one night
at the beeju, but still.

All right, well, look.

What do you say... 15 Bucks?

Of course, I'll have to buy
her some popcorn at the movie.

Buttered.

Why don't we say an
even ten bucks? Okay?

Of course, my car's in the
shop, so we'll have to take a cab.

Here you go.

Both ways.

Mr. Furley why don't
you just take the bus?

What, and have
her think I'm cheap?

Here's your bouquet,
mr. Furley. Shall I wrap it?

Oh, listen jack. You know what
francine really likes? No. What?

Candy! That's what I'll
get her. A bar of candy.

Thanks, jack.

Good. That's a perfect selection.
You always make such good choices.

I'll have that sent over
this afternoon. Bye-bye.

[Jack] hey, janet.
Can we go now?

Yes, jack! Yes! Let me get
my purse. It's in the back.

Boy, you must be hungry!

Hey, you! I'm sorry.
We're closed.

Well, I say you're open.

Well, I say... The
customer's always right!

Fill this up with green stuff.

Yes, sir. Right away.

The money! The money!

Oh! I'm sorry. It's a natural
mistake. It's my first robbery.

The money!

Yes, sir. Right away.

Ah, let's see. How
does this, uh...

I'm in a hurry! I
know. It-it won't open.

Can we wire it to
you? Ftd, or something?

I'm sorry. Wait. Look, why don't
you just take the whole thing.

I'll carry it out for you. You have
your getaway car parked nearby?

Get out of the way!

Hey, that's great. How
did you do... Fill up the bag!

Okay, jack. Oh! You,
lady! Step over here!

Jack, we're being
robbed. Do something.

I am. Here you are,
sir. Have a nice day.

Is that all there is?

No, there's more. I think
she went to the bank today.

Let's hope, okay? Ah,
here. There you go, sir.

Now, if you two want
to stay healthy, you'll

Count to 100 before
you call the police.

One, two, three, four... Slower!

One alligator, two
alligator, three...

Better. Turn around!

Seven alligator... Turn around!

Ten alligator,
eleven... Oh, my lord...

Alligator, 12
alligator, 13 alligator,

14 Alligator, 15 alligator,

16 Alligator, 17 alligator,

Uh, 18 alligator and uh...

Operator, get me the police!
Do you mind? I'm trying to count!

One alligator, two...

All right, ms. Wood, mr. Tripper,
that's all I need of that.

How much money did he get?
Oh, gosh. I don't know exactly.

I had $15 in my purse. And then he got
everything that was in the cash register.

Well, at least nobody got hurt.

Well, it was obvious
the guy was scared of me.

You should have seen the
way he ran out of there.

Sure, jack, sure. After you
gave him everything in the shop.

I'm surprised he didn't
come back and give you a tip.

Janet, the man had a g*n pointed
at me. [Chattering indistinctly]

Will you two excuse
me just a minute!

Did either one of you
get a good luck at him?

Sure. Oh, yes. We both did.

All right. Good. Can
you describe him?

Okay, fine.

He had these two
beady little eyes.

Mean lips, but I don't
know if he had a nose.

See, the guy, he was
wearing a ski mask.

A ski mask. By any chance
was it blue with red stripes?

Well, yes. How do you know?

Excuse me a minute.
Have a seat over there.

Sure. Come on, jack. Let's
have a seat over here. Come on.

Gosh, jack. Can you remember
anything else about the robber?

Yeah. His hands. There was
something about his hands.

What? I don't remember.

Ms. Wood, mr. Tripper, this is
lieutenant crisco, chief of detectives.

Ms. Wood. How do you do, sir?

Mr. Tripper. Hello, chief.

I understand you
were held up by a man

Wearing a blue ski mask
with red stripes. Yes, sir.

We think this is the
same man who's held up

A lot of other stores
in the past few months.

And he has sh*t several people.

[Jack gasps] the
man must be a psycho.

He didn't have to sh**t the
people. He already had their money.

Oh, my god. That's terrible.

Yes. We'd give anything
to put this man away.

[Deep voice] well, if there's
anything I can do to help, just ask.

You really mean
that? Absolutely, chief.

Well, we don't like to ask
this of ordinary citizens...

But since he's willing to help.

I am. I am. Wait a minute, jack.

What would you want jack to do?

Nothing. Nothing.

We'll do it all.
They'll do it all.

What we'd like to
do is have it appear

That mr. Tripper got a good look
at the bandit and can identify him.

That's a real problem because neither
one of us could recognize that man.

We know that and you know that,

But the masked bandit doesn't.

Mr. Tripper, I'd like to get your
picture in the evening paper.

Get the photographer
in here with the camera.

The newspapers?
And on the tv news.

Did you hear that, janet? I'm
gonna be on tv and in the papers!

Jack, come on! You
better think this over.

Why, janet? I can't
shirk my civic duty.

Here's your man right here.
Get a good headshot of him.

This is my best side.

This is the way it'll work.

We'll have a plain
clothes officer

Stationed inside your
apartment round the clock.

Why does a policeman have to
be in our apartment all the time?

Well, when the k*ller finds out

That your friend
here can identify him,

The first thing he'll
want to do is eliminate

Mr. Tripper, and that's
when we'll nab him.

You see, janet. It's very
simple... Eliminate, mr. Tripper?

Uh, hey, don't get me wrong.

I'd really like to help, but I didn't
really get a good look at him.

It all happened so fast. Wait a
second. Don't take my picture.

Mommy! No way. No way. No!

Please. Could you not...

Well, jack, it is a
good picture of you.

Yeah, maybe they can
use it again in my obituary.

You're really
scared, aren't you?

Me? No-o-o! I was just
kidding. I don't care...

Hey... [Screams]

Don't you ever creep
on us like that again!

Boy, will I be glad when that
policeman gets here. Well, I won't.

Personally, I don't
like the idea of having

A policeman in our
apartment all the time.

That's a real invasion
of our privacy.

But, janet, it's for
our protection. I know.

[Doorbell chimes]

But look, now there's
gonna be this total stranger

Looking over our
shoulders 24 hours a day

And I tell you, I
don't like it one bit.

Hi. I'm officer bolton.

Thank god you're here.

I was just now
telling my friends

That I couldn't possibly
feel safe until you got here.

Won't you please
come in? Thank you.

Oh, sure. Do you live here?

Oh, yes, and my name
is janet, officer.

Would you care to frisk me?

Please, just call me jim. Look, I
don't want to get in anyone's way.

Just make believe
I'm not even here.

You've gotta be kidding?

Officer, I'm jack trip... Whoa!

Don't ever do that
again! What? What?

You passed in front of that open
window. That makes you an easy target.

Can you ever forgive me?

Yes, jack. Please be
careful. Thank you.

Jim's job is tough enough.

Who's this? Oh, hi, I'm terri.

Could I go into the bedroom?
I have to get ready for a date.

Sure, just stay away
from the windows. Oh, right.

Terri, hang on a second.
Who you going out with?

His name is craig. Cindy
fixed me up with him.

She says he's tall
and handsome and rich.

Really? How come cindy's
not going out with him?

I think I'm in trouble.

Jim.

Can I get you anything?
Coffee, tea, or...

Well, something to eat? I
don't want to be any trouble.

Oh, please. It wouldn't
be any trouble.

And there's some steak
leftover in the refrigerator.

Terrific. Hey, that's
my dinner, janet.

Mind if I look around? Go ahead.

Listen, officer jim.

Have you had a lot of
experience guarding witnesses?

Don't worry. I do this
all the time. That's a relief.

Sure. I have an almost
perfect record. Almost?

I've only lost two.
Only two. Excuse me.

Janet. Excuse me, janet.

[Janet gasps]

What are you doing?

Janet, we don't want a cop hanging
around here all the time, do we?

Who don't? I mean, he may not
be the right guy for the job.

Maybe we should
trade him in. Why?

He's supposed to keep an eye on
me and he's only got eyes for you.

Oh, jack, do you
really think so?

Ah! This is for jim.

Good, I wouldn't want him to
sh**t anybody on an empty stomach.

Hello. Anybody home?

Hold it!

Oh, please let that
be a cigarette lighter!

Put your hands up! No, no,
stop! That's our landlord!

Landlord! I'm terribly sorry,
sir. I hope I didn't scare you.

Scare me!

You kidding? Ha! [Nervous laugh]

Mr. Furley, he's a cop.

I'll make some tea.

Mr. Furley, we'll get some
tea to re... Are you all right?

Yeah! Sure! I just came up because
I saw your picture on the tv news.

No, mr. Furley, that's just
a trap to catch that guy

Who robbed janet's flower shop.

This man out here is a plain
clothes cop. He's here to protect us.

Oh.

Well, if it was me, I
wouldn't need protection.

How do you figure?
Ralph furley, black belt!

Ha!

You know, I took karate
while I was in the navy.

You were in the navy?

What were you on, a fairy boat?

Boy, that must
have been some navy.

That's it. That's it!
Mr. Furley, I could kiss you!

Back off, jack!

I'll use these on a
friend if I have to,

No, you don't understand.

I just remembered the
robber in the flower shop

Had a tattoo on
the back of his hand.

Tattoo? Yeah! It said u.s.n.

I couldn't remember that! I
gotta tell the cop outside.

Boy, was he hungry! Janet,
I gotta tell you something.

Jack, don't you
think he's wonderful?

I mean that beautiful blond
hair and those liquid blue eyes.

And then he's got this really cute
little tattoo on the back of his hand.

Tattoo? Uh-huh. It says u.s.n.

Oh, my god!

Me, too!

What's up?

Remember I couldn't remember
something about the robber?

Well, I just remembered.

He had a tattoo on the back
of his hand that said u.s.n.

So? So!

The guy out there is the robber.

Are you crazy?
He is a policeman.

That's why they can't
catch him. He's one of them.

Oh, my god, no. We
gotta call the police!

[Both] shh!

[Whispering] we
gotta call the police.

The phone is out there.
Be careful. He's a k*ller.

Janet, we gotta do something.
That guy's gonna k*ll me.

I know. Um...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Come
here. Come here.

I think I've got a plan,

But I am going to need
your help. Lay it on me.

[Deep voice] hi.

Huh?

Hi.

Oh, hi.

[Deep voice] I'm so lonely.

Do you have a cold? No, why?

Your voice sounds
funny is all. Oh, yes. I...

[Coughs] I'm a little hoarse.

What a wonderful jacket.

Look into my eyes.

Deeper.

I'm too tired to finish the rest
of these pots and pans, janet.

Spot, spot, spot!

Are you still using
that old detergent?

Yes, and I'm so ashamed.

You certainly should be. My, my.

Now, where were we?

Ah, I was looking
into your eyes. Oh, yes.

You have very pretty
eyes. [Janet] thank you.

Jack!

Would you like a nice
tropical drink? It's very good.

Mmm. Magnifique!

Terri, would you like to go
help mr. Furley in the kitchen?

Please. Oh, okay.

Thank you. Are you
sure you're okay?

I'm fine. I'm fine. Kitchen,
help, furley, now!

You know, for a minute
there I had a funny feeling

That you were trying to hit me.

Me? Nah! I'd never hit you.

But she would!
We did it! We did it!

What do you mean we? We gotta
tie him up before he comes to.

Mr. Furley, terri!

Jack! Good work!
Thank you, listen.

In the bottom drawer, next to the sink,
is some rope. We'll tie him up. Hurry!

Mr. Furley told me
everything! He's the robber?

Yeah. What a waste.

A face like that and he
wears a mask for a living.

If he moves again, hit
him. Rope, mr. Furley!

Here! Good, good, good.

No. Let go. Let go.

Boys!

Get him over on his
back. Get him over here.

[Doorbell chimes]
oh, I'll get it.

Oh, hi. You must be craig. Uh...

I'm terri. Won't you come in?

Excuse me. Aren't
blind dates the worst?

I don't mean that you're the
worst. You know what I mean.

I'm almost ready, but we
have a little problem here.

Hey, who's he? This is my rich
date... My blind date, craig.

Craig, no time to explain,
but here's what happened.

This guy robbed janet's flower shop
and then came here to try to k*ll us.

Is that so?

Yeah. Will you help him
tie him up right there?

I'd... I'd be glad to.

This guy was trying to fool us
into believing he was a policeman.

He didn't fool me. I know
a crook when I see one.

Put your finger here so
I can tie this not, will ya?

You know what gave him away?
The tattoo on the back of his hand.

A tattoo? Yeah. It said
u.s.n., Just like yours.

That does it. Listen, why don't
you go on and do your date.

Are you sure? We
got it under control.

Okay.

Well, craig, are you
ready to go? Not quite.

Uh, hey, if you're trying
to break our date...

Just get over there!

Wake up!

You! Get over there!

Yes, sir.

Well, it's nice
seeing you two again.

Again? That's what I
was trying to tell you!

He's the robber! Oh, my god!

I knew I didn't
like blind dates.

If he's the robber, who is he?

[Chuckles] he's the one that
was gonna protect you from me.

No, wait, wait. Now,
listen, let's talk this over.

There's nothing to talk about.

All of you! Back
up against the wall!

[Furley groans] sorry,
mr. Furley. You okay?

Say your last good-byes.

Hi, everybody!

Oh!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry,
jack. I did it again.

Cindy, do you know
what you've done!

Yeah, I forgot to look
before I opened the door.

I'm so sorry, jack.
I'll never do it again.

Stop apologizing! You
saved our lives! I did?

Yeah, cindy. Yes.

This guy here, he came
and robbed my flower shop.

Then he came here
tonight to k*ll us all.

[Gasps]

Somebody call the police!

All right! Police!

Police! Oh, I'll call 'em.

[Groaning] janet, janet.

Okay. Oh, jim. Oh,
jim. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, you poor baby.

Who hit me?

Uh... Jack!

Uh, no, it was the burglar.
He hit you from behind.

Right. Right.

But you put up this marvelous struggle
first, before you knocked him out

And then of course
passed out yourself.

I did? Uh-huh.

With my hands tied?

Yeah.

You were really wonderful.

Wow. Wait till I tell my wife.

The police are on their way! Now,
can you hold him until they get here?

You talkin' to me?
Can I hold this guy?

No problem. It's child's play.

[g*nsh*t] [women screaming]

[Man on tv] after which the president
promised swift action in congress.

And now, headlining
the local news,

An armed intruder was apprehended
in a beach area apartment today.

This is us! Thanks to the quick
thinking of the apartment's occupant,

Jack tripper, the assailant was
wrestled to the ground and easily subdued.

That's not the way it happened.

Oh, jack. How
could you say that?

Yeah, the things some people
will do to get attention.

Manager, ralph furley, said
his single-handed capture

Of the g*ng was just the first
step in his own personal w*r on crime.

[Janet] three's company was
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

Closed-captioned by jr
media services, inc. Burbank, ca.