06x09 - Boy Meets Dummy

[bunniefuu]

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

[singing in Spanish]

[sighs]

Ooh! Aah!

[singing in Spanish]

Felipe! Felipe, This is hot!

Eh?

You are right!

Felipe! Would you
please? Oh! Yeah!

Thank you! Oh, no, thank you!

Felipe, are you sure you
won't have any problems

handling things
by yourself tonight?

Hey, no problem. I'm
going to do my very best

to take your
place. [phone rings]

And maybe your job. [chuckles]

Angelino's. Oh, hi, Janet.

Of course I haven't
forgotten about tonight.

Big date, huh, jefe? I'm
practically on my way.

Woo hoo, she's in a hurry!

Look, I'll try to be there on time,
but if I'm not, start without me.

That's what I
call, "in a hurry".

Okay, okay bye-bye. You
got señorita problems, jefe?

No, Terri's giving a class for
the tenants in our building in CPR.

"Sprrrr."

What is "sprrrr"?

C.P.R. How can I
make you understand?

Look, Felipe. You
know, "heart att*ck"?

[speaks Spanish]

When that happens to
somebody, you're supposed

to blow into their
mouth. [pants quickly]

To get them breathing.

Ohh, you're talking about
Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation.

Why didn't you say so? "Sprrrr".
That's crazy. I don't have time for this.

I'm late as it is. See ya tomorrow
Felipe. Yes, I know, I know.

Hi Felipe, it's good to see you.
Francesca, it's better to see you...

Where are my manners?

I didn't mean to be rude without welcoming
your lovely friend into my kitchen.

Brother.

Huh? I mean, he's
like a brother to me!

Francesca, I would like you to
meet the great chef Jack Trippers.

Well, I wouldn't say, great.
You are right. Not great.

Mmm, something smells good.

It's probably my aftershave.

No, I think it's the sauce.

I just love to put
away the pasta.

I just love the
places you put it.

You do. [sighs]

[gulps] Excuse me. Ahem.
Is it warm in here or is it me?

I'm always being
asked that. Are you?

Ahh, Tripper. Oh, Mr. Angeleno.
Have you met Francesca?

Frequently. She's my daughter.

She's your... Ah. Oh.

Pumpkin, Would you mind waiting over
there while I talk to Tripper over here?

Sure, Daddy.

Excuse me. My fault. I'm Sorry.

That's a nice girl. And I
wanna see she stays that way.

Which is why I'm warning you.

If I ever catch you
even talking to her again,

You're fired.

Just nod your head and smile.

Fired?

Fired.

Felipe, why didn't you say that
was Mr. Angelino's daughter?

She knows that!

Is everything okay, Daddy?

Sure, my little antipasto. It's just I
think it would be a better idea if you kept

out of the kitchen. I'm sending
you to this very expensive private

school because I want you
to meet the right kind of men.

But it's a girl's school!

See how clever I am?

I don't want you to
meet the wrong man.

Ohh! To you, every
man is the wrong man!

Some are wronger than others!

Tripper!

Ow!

Felipe! Do you realize
you almost got me fired?

I did? I so sorry, I try
to do better next time.

Thank y...

Ahh, now where were
we? You were saying?

[stammers] I was saying I don't
have time to talk to you right now

because I'm so
tremendously busy.

Busy, busy, busy.

Wait a second.

Did my father say
something to scare you?

Certainly not, ma'am.
I mean, Miss Angelino.

You don't have to worry about Daddy
because I'm going to take care of him.

Ow!

Excuse me, I don't think I
can get involved with you

right now because... because...

Is it another girl?

Yes! Another girl.

Good! I love a challenge.

But, she's not really
a girl. She's a wife.

My wife!

Your wife? You're married?
Why didn't you tell me before?

Because I just thought
of it. I mean, uh...

I just realized you didn't
know. That I was married.

Which I am.

I think you're just saying that
because you're afraid of my father.

No, no, no. Francesca, if my friend
says he is married, he is married.

Thank you, Felipe.

'Course, it's the first
I heard of it. Felipe!

Believe me, I am married
and I have a wonderful wife.

In fact, you should
meet her sometime.

When? Huh?

Tonight is a good night.

Are you busy tonight? No.

How 'bout 8 o'clock? 8 o'clock?

It's fine with me.
It's fine with me too.

Good, it's all settled.

Great, I'll see you then!

Felipe!

She's gotta be
kidding. She's not

crazy enough to
come to my apartment?

Are you kidding? She's
crazier than her father!

Oh, my God!

Ow!

[mutters indistinctly]

No, Larry. Now
it's very important

to keep an even rhythm.

One, one thousand.
Two, one thousand.

You want rhythm? You got it.

One, boogie woogie. Two, boogie
woogie. Three, boogie woogie...

Now, Mr. Furley. You
give the dummy a breath

as he lets up on the fifth b*at.

So let's practice that.

Oh, this is ridiculous!

I can't kiss a dummy!

I don't think the dummy's
too crazy about it either.

Mr. Furley. Do you want
the dummy to die? No.

Then blow.

Right, now the airway is open.

Go ahead.

Are you looking at her chest?

Of Course not!

Mr. Furley, you have to. That's
how you can tell if she's breathing.

Oh.

Good.

She'll be dancing
again in no time.

Okay, everyone. That's
it for tonight's class.

Thanks for coming down. Bye!

Next week, we'll continue
and learn one-person CPR.

Fantastic. I can't wait to
practice later on Tammy.

Larry, you can only do that on a
person who shows no sign of life.

Lot of girls I go out
with are like that.

Jack, you just
missed a great class.

I think Furley's got engaged.
One, boogie woogie. Two...

Hi, where've you been?

It's a long story.

Oh, we've got plenty of time.

Mr. Furley, it's sort
of a private matter.

Ohh, you mean you
want me to leave.

Well, I can take
a hint. Thank you.

I don't need a ton of
bricks to fall on my head.

I know which way
the wind is blowing.

No sir-e, I don't have...

[shouting] Good night,
Mr. Furley! Oh, you mean now!

You better have a
pretty good excuse. I do.

Mr. Angelino caught me talking to his
daughter, and now I have to be married.

Boy, those Italians are strict.

Are you sure all
you did was talk?

Look, girls, this is serious!

Mr. Angelino said he'd fire me if
he ever caught us together again.

Then I think you should
stay away from her.

Well, I tried.

I even told her I was married.

Oh well, that should
have cooled her off.

No, it didn't. She's coming
over here tonight to meet my wife.

Wife? What wife? [whimpers]

No!

No, No, No! Janet, Janet, Janet!

She's coming over here at 8 o'clock. All
you have to do is pretend we're married.

I can't Jack, the p*ssy
willows are coming tonight.

Well, that explains...
The p*ssy willows?

There's an entire shipment coming in
at the flower shop and I've gotta be there.

Ah, Janet! Can't you get
Raoul to do it? Sorry, Jack.

Terri, How 'bout you. Sorry, Jack,
I have to run down to the hospital.

But can you be
here by 8 o'clock?

Please? Terri, I'll never ask for
another favor for as long as I live.

Oh, I don't like lying.

I'm not asking you to lie.

No? I'm begging you! Please!

Oh, all right, all
right. I'll be your wife.

Oh, Terri, thank you.

Thank. You. Mmm.

Thank you!

Ow! Where's Terri!

Would you relax?

Terri's dependable. If she's gonna
be late she'd call... [phone rings]

Probably her right now.

Hello?

Terri, where are you?

Still at the hospital?

You told me you'd be
here by now, you promised.

Well, you know I
could lose my job!

Well, yeah, I guess a bus
accident is more important.

But don't dawdle!

Oh, Larry, I'm sunk.

Goodbye Angeleno's,
hello unemployment.

[doorbell rings]

You want me to get
that? Yeah, thanks.

No! Larry, don't open the door.

[Outside] Jack,
it's me, Francesca.

What am I gonna do now?

Wait a minute, I just
thought of something.

Larry, go outside and stall her.

For what? For as
long as you can.

Just get out there!

Wow... I mean, Ciao, Francesca.

I'm Larry. Uh, what's going
on here. Where's Jack?

He's busy with his wife
uhh... whats-her-name.

Well, Larry. If Jack sent you out here
to get rid of me, you can just forget it.

You have cut me to the quick.

Do I look like the
kind of guy that

would pull an underhanded,
sneaky thing like that?

Yes.

'Course, looks can be deceiving.

Perhaps you'd like to
come up to my place and

discuss this in depth.
I just live upstairs.

Look. I came here to find out
the truth about Jack Tripper,

and I'm not going
anywhere until I do!

Look, there's no way you're getting
into that apartment. And that's that.

Of course... after I've talked to
Jack, I could be available to...

Talk to you.

Let me get this for you.

Sweetheart, how are ya?

Okay, darling.

Now that we're
comfy, let's talk.

You first.

Oh, you're giving me the
silent treatment, are ya?

I guess I'll have
to do all the talking.

It's obvious they're married;
they're fighting. Let's go.

Right. As long as they're
not happy, I've got a chance!

Look at me when I talk to you,
dummy... du, du, du... Dominique.

Look at me... that a girl.

Darling, I want you to know
you are the only woman in my life.

Becau...

In fact, I think it's about time we
started that family we've always wanted.

Shhh! No, wait. Don't
say a word. First, let...

Let's drink a toast, shall we?

You've had a little
too much, haven't you?

I'll take it from the
bottle, okay, mama?

Golly, can't hold
your liquor, can you?

Just relax, baby... you've had
a little too much to drink, huh?

What? What do
ya mean, right now?

Oh, you little vixen.

[hissing sound]

Your asthma's acting up again.

Just relax. Mmmm.

Have you seen enough? Yes!

[whistles] She's gone!
Oh, we did it, Larry!

Whoo! Hey pal, I couldn't
have done it without you.

You can always count
on me, buddy. Always.

Starting tomorrow!

Francesca, what are you doing
here? When you didn't show up at 8...

Oh, Jack, I was here at 8.

Whaaat?

I... eavesdropped
on you and your wife.

No, I don't believe that!

Oh, I'm so ashamed.
I've got to apologize.

Apology accepted. Not
to you, to Dominique!

Who? Dominique! Of course.
You're talking about my wife.

Yes. Well, uh, you
can't talk to her right now.

Why not? Because,
uh, she's in the shower.

Fine, I'll wait. No!
On the other hand,

A talk may do you good. Okay, she's
right through here. She can hear you.

Dominique, there's
somebody here to speak to you.

Well, uh, this is kind
of hard. Mrs. Tripper,

I, I... this, it's very
hard for me to...

This isn't going to work.

Well, you gave
it your best sh*t.

No! You know what, I feel like
I've got to talk to her personally.

So I'll just wait right
here. Well, you know?

It could be a long wait. Sometimes
she's in the shower for hours.

I don't mind. Somehow
I knew you wouldn't.

Eeee... K... Kitchen! What?

You haven't seen my kitchen yet!

And I want you to go in,
and tell me what you think.

Get in here! Jack!

Janet! Take off your clothes!

What?

Look, Terri never showed!

So, you're my wife. Dominique. I
told her you were in the shower.

Please, get undressed.
Wait a minute...

Work with me!

I like your drawers. What?

In the kitchen.
They're very nice!

Oh, thank you. Do you think
your wife will be out soon?

Yes, Dominique should
be out [yelling] any minute!

Good, because I'm really
looking forward to meeting her.

Of course, I couldn't tell that
much about her from the back,

except she did have the
most beautiful blond hair.

Well, th... blond, blond hair?

Oh, uh, well, did it
look blond to you?

You know, from certain angles it does
look blond, but in reality, it's... uh...

A shower cap!

Uh, darling, I would like you to meet
Mr. Angelino's daughter, Francesca.

Hello, dear.

Oh, Mrs. Tripper. I have
a confession to make.

I thought Jack was
single and I flirted with him.

Well, my, my. If a marriage
can't withstand a little

harmless flirting, then it's
not a very good marriage, is it?

Well, I guess not!

So, you see, there's
nothing wrong here.

We have a wonderful marriage.

Don't we, darling?

Yes, yes, we
certainly do, darling.

I hate to be rude, but if
the little woman doesn't

get a good night's sleep, she
wakes up cranky. Crank, crank.

I'm just going to get
right out of your way.

Mrs. Tripper, I wanna thank
you for being so understanding.

You're so welcome, my
dear. Good night. Good night.

Thank you and
nighty-night, Francesca.

I want you to know, now
that I've seen for myself,

I'm not gonna give
you any more trouble.

Well, I'm glad you understand
that I'm a one-woman man.

Lovey ducks!

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Oh, you must be Francesca.

I'm Jack's wife, Terri Tripper.

Jack's wife Terri? but what
about Jack's wife Dominique?

Who? [yelling] Dominique!
You remember Dominique!

Did you call me, darling?

Look who's here, Dominique.
Terri, say hi to Terri.

Oh, hello Terri. It's...
very nice to see you again.

Isn't it? Of course it is.

Very nice to see Terri. I mean,

We're mature adults.
And if my first wife and my

second wife can't be
friends, then what the heck.

Uh, if you say so.

And I do. Good
night, Fra... So! Daddy!

Mommy!

Tripper! I've had chefs take
things from my kitchen before.

But my daughter? Daddy.

Quiet. I'll get to you later.

I don't mind. Ladies first.

Daddy, I can explain.
It's very simple.

I just came to meet
his wife. His wife?

Who's his wife? They are.

Hi! Hi!

You wanted to add my
daughter to your collection?

Thank God Felipe told
me where you were!

Felipe!

Yes?

Felipe?

How could you bring him here?

It was easy. We took the Santa
Monica Freeway to the Centinela off-ra...

And as for you, my
spicy little meatball,

I have a mind to take you out of
that private school and let you work!

You wouldn't!

And Tripper! In spite of all this, I'm
going to let you work for a living too.

Thank you. Only not
for me. You're fired!

Oh, no. Where will you
ever find another chef?

Francesca, let's go.
Mr. Angelino, may I try to explain?

Forget it, Jack.

If he doesn't
care that you tried

to save his life...
Save my life?

Go on! It's your life!

What's left of it.

All right, what are
you talking about?

I'm talking about...
cardiac... arrest.

Oh, you're nuts! I'm
as healthy as a horse!

And as big as one too.

'bout 15 pounds
overweight I'd say.

Prime candidate
for a heart att*ck.

Me?

Yeah. And Jack was
so very concerned,

he had Francesca come over
here so she could learn CPR.

From a chef?

No, from a nurse. A nurse?

Terri Alden, registered nurse.

I bet your arteries
are saturated with fats.

[moans]

For shame.

Oh, chame. Chame, chame, chame.

You... this whole
thing is your fault.

I'm not gonna fire
Tripper, I'm gonna fire you!

Mr. Angelino, I
think it's bad for

your blood pressure
to fire anybody.

Jefe, you should listen to
him. This is such a good man.

Well, this has been such a
fun fiesta. Let's do it again soon.

As for you, young
lady... Yes, Daddy?

Get me to a doctor.

Tripper... Yes, sir?

Remind me to yell at you
when I'm feeling better!

Terri! You were wonderful!
Thanks. It was nothing.

Oh, wait. I just thought
of another problem.

Oh, no, what problem?

Gee... I don't know which Mrs.
Tripper I oughtta spend the night with.

Now before you say anything!

You should discuss this
and not fight over me.

Just make it fair, okay? What do you
wanna do? Draw straws, flip a coin?

Make it a Susan B.
Anthony! [Jack chuckles]

But it's funny that the two of you
would wanna fight over a guy like me,

Because I...

That's all right. I'm not desperate.
I could get a date any time I want!

Do you like Chinese food?

[doorbell]

[all] I'll get it!

[all] Thanks.

[doorbell]

Hey. Don't say you're gonna
get it if you're not gonna get it.

Cause I end up getting
it, and I'm getting it, I got it.

Hi Jack. Is Terri here?

Mr. Furley, what's
up? Oh, Terri.

I just wanted to thank you
for teaching us that CPR.

Sure did come in handy.

Oh, what happened? Tell us.

Well, I was down at the
Regal Beagle, and uh...

this chick started
giving me the eye.

Really? Really? Really?

Well, whatdya so
surprised about?

It happens more
often than you think.

Anyway, one thing led to another,
and we wound up back at my place.

So I decided to teach
her CPR. Oh, how nice!

Oh, you would have
been proud of me!

I put my arm around
her and I squeeeeezed...

Mr. Furley...

Don't worry, I never
took my eye off her chest.

And then I pressed my
lips firmly against hers...

Mr. Furley...

All the time keeping an even rhythm.
One-one thousand, Two-one thousand.

Look, Mr. Furley...

Then I started
blowing in her ear.

That's not how you do CPR.

She didn't know that!