06x12 - Strangers in the Night

[bunniefuu]

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Well, here we are, the Regal
Beagle, my home away from home.

Oh! It's very nice.

It is, now that you're here.

Oh! Oh, Jack, you do
say the sweetest things.

Only when I'm with
you. Come on. Oh!

Why don't we take
this table right here?

Okay. Oh!

Excuse me, Arabella.

There you are. Thank you.

A seat for the sweet. Oh!

Jack, you are so gallant.

Well, I've always felt that
women should be looked up to,

put on a pedestal, treated with
the utmost devotion and respect.

Hi, Jack! I missed you
at mud wrestlin' this week.

Yeah, I was trying to get
those women out of the mud

and back on the pedestal.

Uh, I guess we'll order now.

I'll have the, um...

I'm sorry, Arabella. You first.

Yes, thank you. I'll have
a glass of white wine

and a dinner salad.

Yeah, I'll take a cheeseburger
and a beer, okay?

Oh, excellent choice. Thank you.

You want to hurry that up, Lily?

All right. I'll be right back.

I know how much
you miss me. Lily...

That Lily... She's
a great kidder.

Well, maybe you'd
rather be with Lily. Huh?

Well, I saw the way
you were looking at her.

Looking... Uh,

I may have been looking at
her, but I was thinking about you.

Oh?

How sweet.

Would you excuse me?
I've got to make a call.

Sure.

It's, uh, right up there, over
to your left. Can't miss it.

Watch out for the step.

Oh, I'm sorry!

I'll save it for later.

Oh, gosh!

Boy, what a night.
My feet are killin' me.

Well, why don't you take a
break? Ooh, thanks. I will.

Lily... Lily... I don't
have any change...

Still thinkin' about me?

Sorry. I just borrowed
his lap for a second.

Well, you can just keep his
lap and the rest of him too!

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Terri, dinner's alm...

Are you still reading
that magazine? Mm-hmm.

Terri, this is such trash!

Look at this. “How
to Please a Man.”

I mean, I can't believe
you could be taken in by th...

Move over!

Hmm. “A little flattery
goes a long way. Yeah.

“Show a man you're
interested in him, Mm-hmm.

And then he will play... ”

[gasps] Hey! I do that!

But I don't do that!

I don't even know what that is.

[gasps] Oh, my. Wow!

Okay, that's it. I've had
quite enough, thank you,

and I don't think we should leave this
sort of magazine laying around our house.

Now, Janet, this magazine just
speaks about things frankly and openly.

There's absolutely nothing to
be ashamed of. [doorbell rings]

Ooh!

There's no sense in
embarrassing ourselves, though.

Hi, Lar! Come on
in! Hi, Janet. Hi, Ter.

Terri and I were just sitting here,
hanging around, doing nothing.

Nothing, nothing. Bored, bored.

Jack around? Oh! Oh, no, no.

Oh, he's still out
with Scarlett O'Hara.

Oh. It's been over a week.
He really must be serious.

Yeah, I think he
is. And he says that

she's a real
old-fashioned kinda girl.

Listen, I've dated plenty
of old-fashioned girls.

They're not any different
than modern girls.

'Cept you do have to
remember to say “thank you.”

Well, Jack mustn't have minded.
I have never seen him so happy.

[moans]

Jack! Are you all right?

It's over. It's all
over between us.

Oh! What happened, honey?

Arabella caught
Lily sitting in my lap.

What? Well, Lily was
just kidding around,

but Arabella thought I
was coming on to her.

[groaning]

Jack... [moaning loudly]

Jack, instead of
moaning and groaning,

why don't you just tell her
that it was just a little joke?

I... I tried calling her, but
she won't even talk to me.

[Tsk, tsk].Oh!

Well, you know how you're always saying
that she's an old-fashioned Southern belle?

Yeah? Well, why don't you use
some old-fashioned Southern method?

That's a great idea. Just keep
pouring those mint juleps down her...

Larry! What do you think, Janet?

Thanks, Terri. See, I had
something in mind like,

Jack would do something,
you know, gallant or romantic,

like-like maybe writing
her a beautiful love letter.

Bad idea, Jack. Never
put anything in writing.

You can put it in a song. What?

Oh, serenade her
under the window!

Oh, that's romantic.
That's crazy!

Oh, she'll love it. She'll melt!

Oh, I know I would.

You ever hear me do “Misty”?

Jack, I really think that
you should consider this.

Yeah, but, Janet... Oh, oh, oh!
And then once she's under your spell,

you climb up to her window
and ask her to dinner.

No, no, no. He doesn't ask
her. He hands her an invitation,

a very formal invitation.

It's got his name up
here and his address.

You know, that way she'll think he
spent a whole lot of time preparing.

That's a nice touch,
Janet. Thank you.

Serenade her? Won't that just...

You know, it just
might work. Go for it!

Arabella!

[off-key] ♪ I love you truly ♪

♪ Truly dear ♪

Maybe you ought to send flowers.

Wait a minute. I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do for you, pal.

I'll sing. You'll
sing to my girl?

No, no. She won't see me.

She'll see you moving your lips.

I'll just be a voice in the
darkness. Come on. That's nutty.

Who cares, as
long as he can sing?

Yeah, Larry, do you know any
romantic songs? Well, sure. Um...

♪ You are so beautiful to me ♪

I know that one! Oh, perfect!

Pretend you're singing.
Pretend I'm singing?

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me Can't you see-ee-ee ♪

♪ You're everything I hope for ♪

Whoo!

[all chattering]

[strings clang]

Which one is she? Uh... Uh...

Top floor, second
window on the left.

Well, what are you waiting
for? Go ahead, call her.

Give me those. Go
ahead. You got it. I'm goin'.

Psst! Arabella.

Psst!

Throw something.

Look, there she is.

Hit it.

♪♪ [Spanish]

Larry, would you
work with me, please?

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

♪ To me Can't you see ♪

[coughing]

[violent cough]

♪ You're everything I hope for ♪

♪ Oh, you're everything I need ♪

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

[falsetto] ♪ To me ♪

[dog howling]

Climb up there and
give her the invitation.

That's it!

Oh, I think that's... Hey, wait
a minute. What do you think?

Whoo! It must be love.
Even ironed the napkins!

Yeah, and they're paper.

I cannot wait for
Arabella to get here.

Jack, cool down. You'll melt
your candles before you light 'em.

Aren't the two of you supposed
to be going to a movie?

When we can stay here and
see the real thing at home?

Forget it. [doorbell rings]

That's Arabella. Will you get out of
here, please? We have to change first.

Out, out! Jeesh!

Oh!

♪♪ [humming]

Hello.

I got your invitation.

M... M-M-My
invitat... You got it?

Your bouquet hit me in the face.

Oh, I'm-I'm terribly
sorry. You see, I...

Don't apologize. I just
love this poem you wrote.

And “You Are So Beautiful”

is my favorite song,

next to the theme
from Star Wars.

Is that a fact? Uh...

Well, I think I'd
better explain.

You see, uh...

[chuckles] You probably
won't believe this, but...

Oh, after last night, I
would believe anything.

You know, I just
could never imagine

something that wonderful
would ever happen

to somebody like me.

You know, last night was the
most wonderful, beautiful night

of my entire life.

Now, what was it you
wanted to say to me?

Have a seat.

Oh! I'm just on cloud nine!

Uh, look, I don't know
how all this happened.

Oh, I do. You do?

Yes, you-you saw me
across a crowded room,

you felt that certain something,

you had to get to know me,

so you followed me home and
poured out your heart in song.

By the way, I'm Bernice.

I'm stunned. I'm Jack.

[doorbell rings]
Hang on for a sec.

No, I mean, just
sit there. Oh. Okay.

Hi, Jack. I'm
sorry to interrupt,

but I am just dying to see
the girl that my buddy Jack

would go to the
ends of the earth for.

I want to feast my eyes on that
woman they make dreams of...

That golden goddess,
passion's princess.

Hi.

Here I am.

This is the woman you
could not live without?

Oh, Jack! Is that
what you told him?

Well, uh, uh, see...
He's so romantic!

Let me get this
straight. Larry...

This is the girl you serenaded?

Oh, with such a beautiful voice!

Jack I got to tell you...

Beautiful? Oh, a voice like
that should be on records.

You really think so? Absolutely.

Congratulations, buddy.

You have got yourself
one special girl.

Larry.

Hold on to her, Jack.

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

Listen, about tonight.
See, there was a...

Hello! Excuse us. We
don't mean to interrupt,

but you must be... In the flesh.

Wow!

You're not what
I expected at all.

My parents said that too.

Jack, introduce us. Yeah.

Right. Uh, these
are my roommates.

This is roommate Janet... Hi.

And this is roommate Terri.
Hi. So nice to meet you.

Oh, you too. We're very close.

Very close.

So now that you know the truth,
you'll probably want to cancel out.

Oh, no.

I don't mind sharing
him. Do you?

You can have my share. Oh!

Janet, could I speak to you in
the kitchen for just a moment?

You two go on. I'll
get... You too, Terri.

But, Jack... Just
walk! I'll be right back.

Just hang on for a second. Okay.

Oh, Jack, Jack, Jack.

Ya big lug!

I just want to explain
about that girl, okay?

No need to explain. I
think she's very nice.

Yeah, we're really
proud of you, Jack.

Arabella's not the kind
of girl you usually go for.

Yeah, but that's not
Arabella. That's Bernice.

Bernice? Jack!

I'll be with you...

I serenaded the wrong girl!

Come on, help me out. Sorry.

[exclaims, laughs]

Big help here! [mutters]

We hope you have a lovely
dinner. We have to run.

Wait. You can't leave me
alone with her. Why not?

Because she likes me. Oh, well.

There's just no accounting
for taste. Oh, come on!

I'm serious! What do I
do if she comes on to me?

Give in.

Bye, Bernice! Nice to meet you!

Oh, you too. [Janet] hope
to see you again real soon!

Oh, and Bernice, we
are going to be out late.

Oh, very, very late.

Bye.

Look, Bernice, I've got...
Oh, we're alone at last.

Not really. People keep
dropping in here all the time.

[doorbell rings] You see?
There's someone right now.

We're never alone.

Excuse me.

Hi, sug! Arabella, hi.

Darling, I just had
to come and see you.

It was so unfair of
me to suspect you

of wanting any other woman.

Well, pick my peas.

Who's she?

I don't know. I
mean, no, I mean, uh,

Arabella, this is Bernice.

Would you excuse
us? Uh, we have to talk.

Oh, certainement,
my love. Mercy.

Look, Arabella,

this is gonna sound
crazy, but, see,

I wanted to try to win you back, so I went
to your place last night to serenade you.

To serenade me?
Oh, well, how romantic.

It would have been, if it
were you, but it was her.

So, thinking she was
you, I invited her to dinner.

I-I didn't know how
to tell her the truth.

You don't believe a
word I'm saying, do you?

Well, on the contrary, Jack.

I'm deeply moved.

You are?

I never knew you were
that much of a gentleman.

Shucks.

Now, you just get rid of her
while I go powder my nose.

Get r... Get... Get rid
of her? I can't do that.

Oh, my! What a pity!

I was gonna show you a game

called “the burning of Atlanta.”

“The burning of Atlanta”?

Yes, and it gets very hot.

She'll be gone in 2 seconds.

[whispers] Hot!

Bernice!

Yes?

Uh, listen, about all this, I
really have to apologize...

No! No, no, you don't.

Oh, Jack. Most other
men wouldn't think

they had to apologize.

I guess that's what
I love about you.

You are so sweet,
you're so sensitive.

“S-Sensitive”? No, I'm not.

What? No, no.
That was just a lie.

It's just a front I put
up to get what I want,

because inside, I'm a seething,
throbbing bucket of lust!

Really?

I'm not good enough to be
in the same room with you.

I'm filth! Yuck!

Oh, Jack!

Bernice, didn't you
hear me? I'm no good!

I know, but your honesty
really turns me on!

Well! What have we here?

Arabella, this is not
how it looks. Oh, honey!

It's exactly how it looks.

She threw herself at you.
No, I was trying to explain...

Honey, this whole incident, it was
just a dreadful mistake. If you'd let me...

You see, Jack just didn't have
the heart to tell you. Arabella...

Jack!

I thought you liked me.

Oh. Liked you?

Why, when he's got me?

Oh, honey, he was
just feeling sorry for you.

Maybe I'd better just leave.

No, wait a minute.
Hold it. Hold it.

Arabella, I think it's time you
knew what really happened.

I already do.

No, you don't. You see,

I saw Bernice across
a crowded room,

and I felt that certain
something... I had to know her.

So I followed her home and I
poured out my heart to her in song.

He sang “You Are
So Beautiful to Me.”

You're kiddin'.

No.

Now, if you'll excuse
us, we have a date.

Well, you know, in
that case, Jack Tripper,

I don't ever want
to see you again.

Frankly, my dear, I
don't give a damn.

Oh, Jack!

Jack, nobody ever made
me feel this special before.

Ah. You make me feel good too.

Jack? You know what you said

about seeing me
across a crowded room?

Yeah.

Thank you for
that wonderful lie.

Friends? Friends.

Jack! Hi, Jack. Hi, girls.

Where's Bernice? She
left. You just missed her.

Oh, well, what happened?

Janet, I'm not the
type to kiss and tell!

Oh, Jack!

We had a lovely dinner, we talked,
had a few laughs. She's a lot of fun.

Oh, that's great. So
how was the movie?

Blech! Boy, I am so sick

of movies with explicit
love scenes in them.

It's all around us. I mean,
sex, sex, sex. You can't avoid it.

Hmm-mm. Ain't it the truth.

Articles, magazines, books.

How-to, what-to,
when-to. It's disgusting!

I couldn't agree with you more.

Why, Jack! It's so nice
to hear you say that!

Oh! Yeah!

Good night, honey.
Yeah. Oh, girls?

[both] Yeah? You forgot
your dirty magazine.