06x22 - Paradise Lost

[bunniefuu]

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Jack? Hm?

Jack. [whistles] Jack!
What do you think?

Not bad. Really?

You think it should
be a little bit shorter?

Yeah. I like it up around
chin level, up here.

Jack!

Would you stand up
for a second? What for?

Just stand up, please. Thanks.

No, Janet, come on. I hate this.

It'll only take a
moment. It's not so bad.

Just let me get a look.
It's so embarrassing.

Oh, please. Come on. Um...

Could you lift it
up just a little bit?

Wait. Stop right there.
Yeah, keep it right there.

Let me get some pins. What do
you mean, "keep it right there"?

Don't move! Janet!

[doorbell] Come in!

Janet, can I speak
to you for a second?

So you've decided
to go all the way?

Mr. Furley...

Now, I always pictured
you in a hoop skirt.

Hides those unsightly bulges.

Janet wanted
me... Hi, Mr. Furley.

Oh, hi, Janet.

Listen, before you dress
Cinderella for the ball,

what did you want me for?

We need something fixed.

Well, I can fix a lot of things,
but I'm no miracle worker.

The bathtub drain
needs fixing, Mr. Furley.

It's all clogged up.

You dragged me away from
The Brady Bunch just for that?

But we can't take a bath.

You're clean enough.

Mr. Furley!

In other words, you want me
to go all the way downstairs,

find my plunger, then
come all the way upstairs,

then probably sprain my
back while I'm plunging,

just so I can unclog your
drain so you can take a bath?

By George, I think he's got it.

Hi.

I suppose you want to
take a bath too? What?

Never mind.

Wait till you hear the
great news. [both] What?

Doctor Benson's going to Europe.

Did you hear that, Janet?

Doctor Benson's going to Europe.

Doctor Benson's...
Who's Dr. Benson?

He's a doctor at the hospital.

Well, he's going a long way
to make a house call, isn't he?

No, Jack. He's going for two years,
so we can sublet his house in Laguna!

Uh-huh. Hey, in case
you haven't noticed,

we've already
got a place to live.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I mean, Doctor Benson's
house only has three bedrooms,

ocean view, huge backyard,

gourmet kitchen, hot tub.

Hot tub. You hear
that, Janet? A hot tub.

Wait a minute. Hang on a second.

How much would all this cost us?
The same rent we're paying now!

The same? That's wonderful!

I have always wanted
to have a really big yard.

Jack, did you hear that? You are
going to be cooking in a gourmet kitchen.

And in a hot tub too!

We can move in this weekend.

What are we waiting
for? Let's start packing!

No, wait. The first thing
we've gotta do is tell Furley.

He'll probably get real
upset. Are you kidding?

As soon as we move he can raise
the rent. The man will be thrilled.

Oh, that's right!
I'm so thrilled!

And we owe this all to
you! Oh, thank you, Terri.

Thank you, Terri.

Thank you.

Okay, you've thanked her enough.

It's a big house. Jack!

I wanna hear about the backyard.

It's a really big yard
with a lot of trees...

That sounds terrific. I won't have
to take Janet for a walk anymore.

I can just let her
run around loose...

How would you like a
piranha in your hot tub?

Yeah, well?

You can't follow The Brady
Bunch when you miss the beginning.

So I may as well
unclog your drain.

Good, because the new
tenants will appreciate that.

I'm sure they will.

Huh?

That's right, Mr. Furley.

You are finally gonna get
rid of us. We're gonna move.

Move? [Janet] Yeah.

Terri found a wonderful house overlooking
the ocean. It's too good a deal to pass up.

Move?

You're not upset, are you?

Heck, no, me? You kidding?

Tenants come, tenants
go. "Que Sarah, Sarah."

Besides, with you gone I won't
be up here all the time fixing things.

I'll have a lot more
free time to myself.

[wails]

[Janet] Mr. Furley,
did you say something?

Oh, no. I just hiccupped.

I'm so excited to see
this place. I can't wait!

We can go right now. Let's
go check out the hot tub!

[doorbell]

[Larry] Hey, Jack-o, open up!

Yeah, be right with you, Lar.

Wait till he hears. I hope
he doesn't take it too hard.

Hey, Larry.

Hey! Come on in.
How you doin', pal?

Great. Especially
after last night.

I had a date with this
gorgeous teacher, Sarah Webb...

Sarah Webb? She's not a teacher.

Oh, Jack, you're wrong.

She taught me so much...

I gotta tell you
something. Yeah?

We're moving.

Talk about moving, Sarah
has more moves... Larry!

Would you stop thinking
about girls for one minute?

Did you hear what Jack said?

We are gonna move out.

You are? We are going

to be living in the most incredible
house overlooking the ocean.

What happened? Somebody die
and leave you a fortune? [laughing]

No. We're gonna pay the exact
same rent we're paying here.

That's very nice. [Janet] Yeah?

Wow, sounds like
you got a great deal.

Don't you have anything
else you'd like to say?

Yeah. Can I borrow some coffee?

Help yourself. Thanks, pal.

Well, Jack, you sure were
right. He really took it hard.

For a minute there I thought he
was going to break down and yawn.

All right, forget it.

Let's just forget it and
go see the new house.

Hot tub! You are gonna?

[Terri, indistinct]

Coffee, coffee, coffee.

Ah! Here it is.
My favorite brand.

Caffeine-free.

The party's over

Time to...

Well, I fixed
the... Oh, hi, Larry.

Hi. Where is everybody?

Guess they went to
look at their new house.

Oh. Mind if I have some of that?

Help yourself. Thanks.

[gasping] It's good.

So... what do you think about
Jack and the girls leaving?

Doesn't bother me.

How about yourself?
You gonna miss 'em?

Miss who?

"Miss who?"

That's a good one.

Who needs them?
That's what I say.

Who needs them?

[slurring] You know what
I really like about Jack?

[slurring] What?

Everything.

Me too.

What a guy.

And what a great sense of humor.

[chuckling] Yeah.

Every time he sees
me he starts laughing.

You know what? Sure.

What? What?

What you were just
saying. What was that?

I don't know. I
wasn't listening.

Look, do you know the difference
between Jack and everybody else I know?

What?

He likes me.

You're kiddin'?

Oh, and the other
two, uh... Ja... Te...

Tanet and Jerri. That's them.

Larry.

Hm?

Wonderful girls.

The best.

Cream of the crop.

Salt of the earth.

Fruit of the loom!

And I'm losing them.

[sobbing] I'm losing the
only friends I ever had.

You got me.

Oh, God.

There, there,
Ralphy. There, there.

Easy, big fella.

I'm sorry, Larry.

I'm not behaving very manly.

I'm so ashamed.

[blowing hard]

Oh, Larry, if I could
be strong like you.

Larry.

Larry?

I can't help it. [sniffs]

I've lost the only
friend I ever had.

[crying] How can
they do this to us?

[whining] I don't know.

We gotta teach them a lesson.

Right.

What are we gonna do?

Three simple words.

Burn their house?

No... Divide and conquer!

Chop 'em up into little pieces?

No!

But when we get
through with them,

they'll wish they
never left this place.

Right?

Right!

You're not gonna take
that piece of junk, are you?

Of course. This was a
gift from a dear friend.

Who? You.

Be careful with it.

Hey, guys. What's wrong
with Mr. Furley? Why?

He walked right past
me without saying a word.

Maybe he was late
for The Brady Bunch.

You know, we haven't been fair about
this. We didn't even give any notice.

You're right. And we didn't try to
find somebody to take our place.

I know someone who's been trying
to find a place. I'm gonna make a call.

Thanks, Terri.
Where's that number?

Jack, want me to
give you a hand? Hm?

Oh, no. You're gonna put too much
in that box. Who's packing, me or you?

Just trying to help. You wanna
help? Tear off a strip of that tape.

Okay, but you got too much stuff
in that box... Just tear some tape.

Rule of packing:
Do not overpack.

You know how many
times I have moved?

I know but... I am
a mover, okay?

I told you you had too much stuff in
that box. Tear off another piece of tape.

What for? To paste over your mouth.
I don't wanna hear another word.

Oh, come on. They're all set. Now
we don't have to worry about Furley.

I'm gonna clean out the
medicine cabinet. Thanks, Terri.

[doorbell rings]
I'll get that, Jack.

Thank you.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Are you busy?

Yeah. Jack just made
a mess on the floor.

I had a poodle like that.

Would you all excuse me?

Okay, now we stop
them from moving.

Remember, be subtle.

Got ya. Subtle.

Don't put so much
in this time, Jack.

So, Janet, what's new?
As a matter of fact...

I gotta talk to you
alone right away!

What? Can you come
in with me or not?

Okay, okay, Mr. Furley.

[whistling]

Excuse me, pal, I gotta
finish this up. Yeah, sure, pal.

[groaning]

Hmm... that's no good.

Eh, maybe.

What? Nothing. Just
go on with your packing.

I'll work out this bus schedule.

What schedule? To get Janet
from your new house to work.

Yeah... Don't let me bother you.

Just go ahead with your packing. I'll
work it out. What are you talking about?

Let me see. This is
not gonna be easy.

She could take the number
27 and change for the 83.

Yeah. That's the best way.

'Course, it'll take her about an
hour and 45 minutes to get to work.

Let me see that. Coming home
will be a lot different, though.

It'll be pitch black. What the
heck? She can take a judo class.

Judo? Wait a minute.
Larry, hang on a second.

What? She's only doing
it to make you happy.

Wait a minute... Forget it.

I'm not even supposed to mention
it. Don't ask me any more questions.

If it concerns Janet and
me, I have a right to know.

Okay. Fact is,

Janet doesn't
want to move at all.

What? She's only doing it so
you can get your gourmet kitchen.

Why didn't she say
something to me about this?

Does a friend tell a friend
when she's making a sacrifice?

So Jack'll have to take the
number 6 bus to the number 23,

and then change at Piedmont,
and it'll take him hours.

Mr. Furley, that can't be right.

Look at this. The 91
goes straight through.

Give me that!

Oh, what's the difference? You just
get me so frazzled when I think of you...

Well, Jack moving
just because of you.

What? Jack moving because of me?

Yeah, the only reason he's doing
it is so you can have your backyard.

Mr. Furley, wait a
minute. If Jack didn't want

to move, he would have
said something to me.

He didn't want you to know.

What do I do? What
can I say to her?

You just say, "Janet, I'll do
whatever it takes to make you happy."

Thanks, pal.

Jack, I wanna ask you some...

Janet, I just want you to know

that I will do whatever it
takes to make you happy.

Oh, my God.

Mr. Furley, you were right.

Thanks for telling me.

Somebody had to.

Okay. Mission accomplished.

Great.

Where's Jack? In the bedroom.

[Terri] I'm almost
through in here.

Two down, one to go. Yep.

You first.

Excuse me, Terri, I have
to tell you something.

What? You're not
telling her anything!

If Jack and Janet wanted her to
know, they'd tell her themselves.

Tell me what?

That Jack and Janet
don't wanna move.

[chuckling] What?

I thought you weren't
gonna say anything!

It slipped out. I'm sorry.

You two are not
making any sense.

They're only doing
it because of you.

I don't understand.
Look, look, look.

Their whole life is here.

But they know how much
this house means to you.

And they don't wanna lose you.

Oh, I feel terrible.

You should.

Ralphy... [whistles]

It's workin'. Yes.

But we gotta keep 'em apart
so they don't compare notes.

Right? So the minute we
get 'em down to your place,

keep 'em occupied and then you give your
phony speech about violating the lease.

I'll have 'em eating out
of the palm of my hand.

Oh, Jack, I think
you're wonderful!

Oh... hey.

I'm not wonderful. Janet's
the one who's wonderful.

Oh... good job.

I love you guys!

[Janet and Jack]
And we love you too.

[moans] Listen, guys,

I think we should have a talk.

No, you shouldn't! What?

Uh... It's party time! Yeah!

Yeah, I'm throwing a bon voyage party
downstairs for ya. We're gonna have fun!

I'm not really in the
mood. Me either.

I have to go to work.
Hey, come on, you guys.

You can't let him down.

The man's gone to a lot of
trouble, a lot of expense for you.

Well... I suppose we...

It's settled. It's party time, Let's go!
We're out of here. [overlapping chatter]

I'll be right there. I just gotta call the
hospital, tell 'em I'm going to be late.

[telephone ringing]

Wilshire Memorial. Emergency.

Oh, hi, Terri.

Hi, Marge. I'm gonna be
a little bit late. Is that okay?

Don't worry about a thing,
Terri. I'll cover for you.

Thanks. You are a
doll. All right-y. Bye-bye.

Have you seen Terri? I just spoke
to her. She's gonna be a little late.

I'm afraid I have
some bad news for her.

She can't stay in my Laguna house.
I'm not going to Europe after all.

What a shame. Do
you want me to get her?

Yes, please and...
give her that message.

Coward.

[indistinct chatter]

All right, everybody.
More champagne?

Thank you,
Mr. Furley. Thanks, R.F.

Okay. Great.

You sure are throwing
some party, Mr. Furley.

Well, why not?

After all, I may
never see you again.

Oh, Mr. Furley. How am I doing?

They're almost
ready for the k*ll.

You guys, I think we'd
better talk about the house.

Oh, um, I've been thinking.

What's so important
about a backyard?

Listen, Janet, I know you didn't want
me to find this out, but I gotta tell ya...

Time for the speech.
Quiet, everybody!

Mr. Furley would
like to say a few words

straight from his heart.

Say it just the way I wrote it.

Janet, Terri, Jack.

The party's over, hmm

"This was a wonderful
party every day,

"with three wonderful friends

"who warmed the
cockles of my heart.

"But now you're leaving

"and I'll be left with
nothing but cold cockles.

"But don't worry about
breaking your lease,

an illegal act..."

Oh, I can't go on with this.

Janet, Jack, Terri.

I feel like I'm losing
part of my family.

I don't know what I'll do
without you. [doorbell ring]

I better get that.

I think of all the times
you made me smile,

and now I know I'll
never smile again.

Well, hello. Hello.

Mr. Furley, this
is Sheila Ashton.

Terri told me about the
apartment, and I am interested.

So am I.

Furley! [telephone ringing]

I think that's our
phone. I'll be right back.

Can I offer you a little of the old
bubbly? Mr. Furley. Your speech?

Oh, yes. I am the landlord of
this building. I'll be at your service...

Not to her! To them!

Oh! Oh! Would you excuse
me a second, Sheila?

Uh... Janet, Jack.

[Janet] Yeah?

You know I've always
been your friend.

So... if you wanna go, go!

Wait a second. He's hysterical.
He doesn't know what he's saying.

You saw him a second ago. The man was so
broken-hearted he couldn't even continue.

He's lost his
will to live. Look.

Look how bravely he's hiding it.

So, my friends, I implore you.

For his sake.

Stay.

We're not moving!
I must be magic.

I got a call from the hospital.
Dr. Benson's not going to Europe.

That's a relief!
[overlapping chatter]

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Did you... Did you
say you're not moving?

That's right,
Mr. Furley. We're not.

You convinced us. We didn't
wanna break up our family.

Pop.

Well, I guess I better
go. [Furley] No! No!

Not so fast. Uh, uh...

Larry, isn't your
lease up next month?

I can't get over those guys.

Can you believe Larry and
Furley putting us on like that?

The way they sneaked around, lying
and conniving, just to keep us from moving.

Yeah. [scoffs]

Sure is nice to know
you're wanted, huh?

[all] Yeah.

Would have been
nice to have a hot tub.

Come on. What's a hot
tub? It's just like taking a bath.

With one important difference.

You can take a
hot tub with friends.

Well, you could
still do that, Jack.

You have two willing friends
right here who love you.

I do? [Janet] Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

I'll go start the tub.

We'll go get your friends.

Huh?

Larry and Mr. Furley.

[singing, indistinct]

[Theme Song]