06x27 & 06x28 - The Best of Three's Company: Part 1 & 2

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Tonight, the best
of Three's Company, starring...

John Ritter.

Joyce Dewitt.

Suzanne Somers.

Audra Lindley.

Norman Fell.

Richard Klein.

Don Knotts.

Jenilee Harrison.

Priscilla Barnes.

And special guest
host, Lucille Ball.

[doorbell rings]

Ladies and gentleman,
Miss Lucille Ball!

Oh, I hope they know that.

Uh... hello? Anybody home?

Good.

Now then. I can talk about them.

Well, this is the place. Three's
Company. A guy living with two girls.

Why didn't I ever think of that?

Well, actually I did. But when I
told my mother I wanted to move out,

she made me go live
with my Aunt Maude.

You know what I
like about this show?

It doesn't try to change the
world or solve any major problems.

All it does is make us laugh
and forget our own cares.

That's my kind of comedy.

It all started here
in the bathroom.

Their roommate
Eleanor was leaving,

and Chrissy and Janet
threw her a big farewell party.

Next morning, Chrissy made a
startling discovery in the bathtub.

She ran right to Janet for help.

Shh-shh-shh-shh!

Ooh! Oh!

[slurring] Uh... good evening.

Good morning.

Good lord. Is it morning?

Yes, yes, it is.

And if you don't mind a
stupid question... who are you?

Huh? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Jack. Jack Tripper.

And that's how they met.

But becoming a
roommate was not so easy.

Their landlord, Mr. Roper,

wouldn't hear of a man
moving in with two girls

until Janet somehow
persuaded him to let Jack stay.

How did you get him
to change his mind?

Easy. I just convinced him

that nothing would happen
between Jack and us.

But how did you do that? Well,

I told him that
Jack was a decent,

respectable,
hardworking young man.

And that did it?

Not quite. I also told
him you were gay.

Do you remember the girls
looking like that? I'd almost forgotten.

They've really
changed over the years.

[Lucille] And then came Cindy.

And then came Terri.

But one thing that
hasn't changed is Jack.

No one but no one

ever got caught in so many wild
predicaments as Jack Tripper.

Present company excepted.

For instance, there was the time Jack woke
up one morning and found he wasn't alone.

Honey.

Sweetheart.

Baby doll.

Not tonight, Helen.
I got a headache.

Oh, boy.

Mr.-Mr. Roper.

Mr. Roper!

Helen, you wouldn't believe
what a nightmare I just had.

Mr. Roper, wake up!
Come on, wake up!

Hey!

Oh, my God.

What have you done with Helen?

Mr. Roper, uh... What
are you doing here?

This is my bed. Oh, my God!

There was another time when Jack handcuffed
himself to Chrissy just for a joke

and then couldn't find the key,

and he had to keep a date.

Hi, Jack.

Oh, Brenda, you
look so beautiful.

Thank you.

Well?

[groans]

I'm so excited to see you, I don't
know how to sit down any more.

Thank you. I'm sorry I'm
late but my watch stopped.

What time do you
have? Oh, uh-uh.

It doesn't matter.

Time stands still
when I'm with you.

Oh, brother.

Are you ready to order?
I'd like a glass of white wine.

Two white wines. Uh...
make that three white wines.

And a tuna fish sandwich.

Three white wines and
a... a tuna fish sandwich.

Jack, why are you ordering
for that girl at the next table?

Uh... [clears throat]

Well, she's all alone,

and, uh, she seems
like a nice person

and I think she's hungry.

Well, let her order for herself.

That'll be $5.25. Thank you.

[screams]

Will you ever forget the time Jack took
a job cooking for a husband and wife?

Unfortunately, the wife acted
like the main dish was Jack.

I hope it's not too spicy.

It can't get too spicy for me.

Well, bon appetit!

You're so French!

Oh, well. You know.
Oui, oui, oui, oui!

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Mmm-mmm!

Mmm...

Mm! You like it, huh?

She eats good, don't she?

I'm a meat-and-potatoes
man, but Mrs. Layton,

she likes to experiment.

Uh huh.

That's very nice. I never saw
nobody eat like that and look so slim.

Makes you wonder
how she works it off.

Oh, well, I guess
some people just

burn it up naturally.

No kidding?

Well, this is a great
start, Jack. Just great.

I admire someone
who can do a good job.

Take me for example. I'm down at the
lot the other day and this bozo comes in.

He asks me if I got a late
model sedan, good fuel economy,

mint condition
for under $500.00.

You know what I said? [laughing]

But when Jack took another
man's name to get a job as a chef,

he nearly wound up as mincemeat!

I don't think I'll
watch this one.

[laughs] I've been looking
forward to this moment.

[karate shouts] [groaning]

That's for my kid sister.

What did she order?

Don't you play dumb with
me! What are you talkin...

[shouts]

Who's your sister?

You mean you don't
even remember her name?

Wait, wait, wait! Olé!

You think that was
pain? Then watch this.

Jack overdid it at the gym

to impress that beautiful girl, and now
he's in such pain he can hardly move.

But he doesn't want her to know.

Hi, Jack.

[girlish scream] Hi!

What?

Hi.

Well...

aren't you gonna hug me back?

[groans] You bet.

[groaning] Ahh!

Oh! If you're trying to
get me crazy, it's working!

Whoa!

Ohh!

[hissing]

Wow.

You like that, huh?
Want another one?

No, no, no, no!

Jack Tripper told Mr. Furley
he had a twin brother from Texas

and then he had to prove it.

You're going to see a man
who is really beside himself.

Well, let's get
on with the party.

Wait a minute. Where's Austin?

[stammering] Oh, he went
to the little wrangler's room.

Austin, are you in there?

Austin? You lookin'
for me? [funny laugh]

There ya are. You son of
a g*n. How about a drink?

Oh, okay. Ladies, sit
down here on the sofa.

Why don't you sit on
down there? Attagirl.

It's good to see the
two of you boys together.

It's great being
together, partner.

It certainly is.

Well, how about
a slug of bourbon?

Austin?

Fine, fine.

Oh, Janet? No
thanks, Mr. Furley.

Cindy and I'll just
have wine. Yeah.

Real nice of you
to bring it along.

Okay. Here you go,
Austin. Thank you.

And one for R.F.

And... Jack.

Right here.

Slug of bourbon?

Oh, gee, I don't know.

Oh, come on, you little twerp.

[funny laugh]

Well? Mm, okay, I'll try.

Okay. Thanks.

All right, now let's
all get comfortable.

Jack?

Yes, sir? I want you

and your brother,
Austin... Right here, yes.

To sit right here
on either side of me.

Jack met his
roommate-to-be, Terri Alden,

under very embarrassing
circumstances.

He didn't like the idea of a
woman giving him a tetanus sh*t.

But... she got him in the end.

Would you drop
your pants, please?

Drop my pants?

I bet you say that
to all the guys.

Drop 'em.

No way. Why not?

Because... [stammering]
B-B-Because...

I'm a woman.

No, I wasn't... And
the idea of a woman

seeing you without your
clothes on embarrasses you.

Absolutely not. Look, I
know you're a professional

and you've done this a hundred times
and you know what you're doing and...

Why can't he give the sh*t?

It's not his job. It's mine.

Excuse me. Sir?

May I speak to you for
a second? Of course.

I-I know somebody in your position
usually doesn't bother giving sh*ts,

but in this one case, could
you make an exception?

Certainly. Thank you very much.

Excuse me.

You don't know how
much this means to me.

You see, Nurse,

this may not be his job, but some
people are not hung up on titles.

I mean, he doesn't mind stooping
to give a mere patient a sh*t.

Why should he? He
stoops all the time. Huh?

He's the janitor. The janitor?

And this is the kitchen

where Jack whips up all those
delicious meals for the girls.

No wonder they
love living with him,

and that's what this show
is all about: living together.

Morning.

How you doin'? Oh, geez!

Do you have to walk
around in your underwear?

This is not underwear. It's my
bathing suit. I ran out of clean shorts.

Oh.

Well, in that
case, it's all right.

Why wasn't it all right before?

Because before I thought
it was your underwear.

But it's still the same shorts.
You can't tell the difference.

I can. How?

Because your underpants
have giraffes on them.

Exercises wouldn't do you
any harm. This stuff's not for me.

When I want exercise
I go down to the gym.

I lift weights, do a couple
of miles around the track.

Real exercise.
This is kid's stuff.

Kid's stuff, huh? I'd
like to see you try it.

This is gonna be easy.
What do you want me to do?

Oh, well, let's start out
with a simple posture.

The lotus. "The lotus."

Yeah. Take one of
your feet... Yeah?

Lift it up with the bottom
towards the ceiling

and gently place
it in this position.

It's easy.

Okay, now, take the other one
and do the same thing, gently.

Hey... that's pretty good.

Thank you. See? I
told you it was easy.

Uh...

Okay, Janet, how
do I get out of this?

Oh, that's next week's lesson.

No! Janet, come here!

Hey. It was "easy," huh?

I said it was easy
getting into it. I

didn't say anything
about getting out of it.

All right. I'll help you.
[telephone ringing]

Wait, I gotta get
the phone. Geez!

Terri, dinner's al...

Are you still reading
that magazine? Mm-hmm.

Terri, this is such trash!

Look at this.

"How to please a man."

I can't believe you
could be taken in by thi...

Move over.

Here.

Oh... "A little flattery
goes a long way.

"Show a man you're
interested in him

and then he will..."

[inaudible dialogue]

[gasps] Hey!

I do that.

I do too.

But I don't do that!

I don't even know what that is.

You've gotta show him that
you're not what he thinks you are.

She's gotta show him
that she's not a girl?

Help us out. I'm talking
about a different type of girl.

When Larry shows up tonight,

you've got to show him a Janet that he
doesn't know exists, a sexy bombshell.

What? You've got to turn him on

so you can turn
him off, you see?

I'll show you how.
Okay, you don't know me.

You pretend that you're sitting
by yourself at the Regal Beagle.

What do you do when a
good-looking guy walks in

and sits down beside you?

Okay.

♪ De, you sed de,
you sed de, un ♪

♪ Daylight come and
a I wanna go home ♪

Well?

I'm still waiting for
the good-looking guy.

Oh, come on, Janet!

I got somethin' that'll
make you guys feel better.

I learned it from a friend
who studied with a swami.

It's guaranteed to
get you laughin' again.

All right, now, pick
up your milk. Let's go.

Come on, Janet. Pick
up your milk. Okay.

Now repeat after me:

"Sadness depart, leave
gladness in my heart." Say that.

[all] "Sadness depart,
leave gladness in my heart."

Now, drink your milk, but only drink
your milk from this side of the glass.

Never drink it from
this side of the glass.

Why can't you drink from that
side? If you drink it from this side...

You'll spill it all
over yourselves.

I told you it would
make you laugh!

But it wasn't always
fun and games.

You know, sometimes they
got on each other's nerves,

which led to problems.

But with these kids, even
their problems are funny.

[slurping]

[slurping]

Must you do that?

Do what?

Slurp your coffee.

Ha! Slurping is a lot
better that what you do.

You keep me up half
the night making noises.

What noises?

You mumble all
the time. [imitating]

Is that supposed to mean
that I talk in my sleep?

If you talked in your
sleep, it would be fine.

But you mumble, I can't understand
a thing you say and it drives me crazy!

Well, at least I
know how to laugh.

[laughing]

What do you do? [snorting]

Oh... really?

Oh... really!

[slurping] [mocking laugh]

[snorting]

[slurping]

What do you think
you're doing, brining

lover boy back here
without checking with me?

Back off, buster! You're just sore
because I brought a man in here.

S-Sore? Do I look sore?

Janet, Janet...
[menacingly] Janet.

Janet, Janet.

Janet, I'm just thinking
of your reputation.

[guffaws] Believe me.

People are just not ready to see a
woman living with two men. What?

A single, attractive
woman living with two guys?

How come you weren't worried about
your reputation, living with two girls?

Because I'm a man,

and men don't have to
worry about their reputations.

What?

What "what"? Did you
hear what you just said?

I wasn't listening.

Do you know what you are?

You are a male,
chauvinist... Don't say it.

Oink! Janet.

Oink, oink, oink. Janet!

Janet, how do you
like my new dress?

Well... I picked it up at
a sale. I'm crazy about it.

You are? Yeah.

It's lovely on you, Cindy.

Thanks, Janet. Sure.

Why don't you
tell her the truth?

Jack.

If you don't like it, I
wish you'd tell me.

I think you have good taste.

Cindy, that's not what
you told me last week.

What did you tell him
last week? Nothing.

Oh, come on! You told me you hated
that plaid dress Janet was wearing.

I did not.

Then what did you say, Cindy?

I said I didn't like it for me.

But it's all right
for someone with...

With... With short
legs. Go ahead.

Short legs?

I didn't mean... Short legs?

Well! Let me tell you
something about my legs!

They are not short!
They are not long!

They are just right.

But perhaps somebody with legs
like a giraffe might not notice that.

Who you callin' a giraffe?

If the legs fit, wear 'em!

Chrissy, cut it out! I can't stand
it when you scrape your toast.

[sarcastically]
Oh, I'm so sorry.

Chrissy!

Well, what else don't you like?

[clears throat]

Well, I'll tell you
what I don't like!

Jack, why do you eat
your cereal with a fork?

Yeah, Jack.

Why do you make railroad
tracks with your fork in your farina?

I don't make railroad tracks
with my fork. You just did!

Why do you make tracks, Jack?

It's a little game my
mother taught me.

See, what you do is,

first you draw the
tracks, like this,

and then you,
"choo-choo, choo-choo..."

"Chew-chew-chew-chew..."

See? All gone! I ate my "twain."

Hey, where's Terri? I
think she went to bed.

[scratchy violin]

Oh, no. No, I'm gonna
put a stop to this right now!

Terri! Terri!

Did you call me, Jack? Yes.

It's about your practicing.

Oh, my God!

We thought you ought to do it here
where I can see you... hear you better.

Oh. Janet, did
you take my drink?

Welcome back to The
Best of Three's Company.

By this time you must
know I love physical comedy,

especially when
John Ritter does it.

He would have been right
at home in the old silent films.

He's done things that even Buster
Keaton and Harold Lloyd would have loved.

Action!

♪♪ [old-time piano]

[sizzle] [bonk]

[crunching]

[slide whistle]

[boing]

♪♪ [piano continues]

[ping]

[squeak]

[whistle]

[inaudible dialogue]

[bell]

[birds tweeting]

[applause]

Looks easy, doesn't it?

But believe me, it's not.

It takes a lot of talent, a lot of
agility and a lot of band-aids.

You know what else
I get a kick out of?

The kids have the same
problem I had on my show:

Their landlord lives in the
building, right downstairs.

First it was the Ropers.
Helen, the romantic,

and Stanley, the poop.

Look in the cr*ck in the
ceiling. Their party did that.

Oh, that wasn't
the party, Stanley.

That was the earthquake.

What earthquake?

The big one. Don't you remember?

Oh, it was thrilling.

Thrilling? Yeah, it was the first
time our bed moved in years.

Look, Stanley, you been
lying around all morning

and you promised me that you'd
paint the outside of the building today.

Well, the day's not over.

Yeah, but you've
been promising all year.

Well, the year's not over.

How long can you stand to look
at something so faded and drab?

I don't know. How
long we been married?

Does she know that you're a...

She knows exactly
what I am, thank you.

You know, you're lucky, Jack.
You could be pals with women.

Hm?

You don't have the
same problems that a...

a regular man has.

Like what?

You'll never have
a wife nagging you.

Not that I have anything
against marriage, but...

Wives can be very demanding.

They're always asking you to...

[stammering] to d-do things.

What kind of things?

[stammering] You
know... li... like, uh, things.

Things! Like?

Like... uh... Like
putting up a shelf?

That's it. Putting up a shelf.

And they're never satisfied.

It's not as though I
never put up a shelf.

I mean, maybe I don't... put up as
many... shelves as some husbands...

[more stammering] but...
uh... I, I put up shelves.

I'm sure you do.

If Helen had her way, I'd be
putting up a sh-shelf every night.

That's a lot of shelves.

Helen? Now that you're awake...

I can tell you that I have
no more little jobs to do.

Correction. I have
one more little job to do.

Oh, Stanley!

Do you mean it?

A man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.

Oh, Stanley!

Be gentle with me, Helen.

And just upstairs is
Larry, Jack's best friend.

I better get my sunglasses.

I got great news, Lar.
I'm getting married.

Why?

Why? What do you mean,
why? Because I'm in love!

You gotta have a
better reason than that.

Come off it, Larry. Haven't you
ever thought of getting married?

Yeah, but the rabbit got better.

Larry's a used car salesman, but
he can sell anything. Even a coffin.

Oh, come on, Jack. I'll
show you, there's nothing to it.

Here you go. Larry, come on.

I'll tell ya. This little baby is
the answer to all your problems.

You got your plush, satin interior.
And talk about your reclining seats!

Larry!

And plenty of legroom, not
like those Japanese imports.

Larry, will you
get out of there!

It's even got a sunroof.

Now here's a picture of a man
about to make the supreme sacrifice.

He thinks an older woman has designs
on Jack. And he's about to romance her

in order to lure
her away from Jack.

Hi.

I'm... Larry.

Oh! Well, how do you do.

Uh... I'm Martha. Martha.
What a beautiful name.

Reminds one of vineyards.

A little wine? Yes, thank you.

Excuse me, but I couldn't
help but notice your perfume.

It's so... mysterious. So enchanting.
So... sensual. What do you call it?

Ben Gay.

I rub it on my shoulders.

It's the only thing that
works for my rheumatism.

Well. It's so... You.

To your health. Thank you!

Um...

I, uh... I understood
Janet wanted to see me.

Janet. Hah hah! Yes, she's a
nice little girl for someone her age.

Young man. Just exactly
what is it you're doing?

Now why fight it, Martha?

I know from the minute I set eyes on
you there was something between us.

Oh! Oh!

And of course there's Mr. Furley,
the kid's present landlord.

Who thinks of himself as a playboy, a
lady's man and an all-around swinger.

But that's not how we see him.

Hi, what can I getcha?

Ah! Well, let's see. You got any
12 year old scotch back there?

Anything younger than that a
real scotch drinker'd throw it back!

How's this? Let's see.

Uh, what are you doing?

Listening for the bagpipes.

You want that on the rocks?

Well, put it in a tall glass
with a little root beer.

Root beer?

Yeah. And throw a
cherry in there too, will ya?

Cherry.

Got any whipped cream?

Hey, why the long faces?

Jack failed his cooking exam.
And he's gonna move out.

Move out? It's a good
thing I showed up when I did!

Jack! It's time you and I
had a talk! Just the two of us.

Now hear this!

What's all this about you running
away? Don't you know when the going

gets tough, the tough get going?
So you fail! Big deal! Look at me.

I've failed almost
everything I've ever tried!

I've never really
amounted to anything.

My whole life has just been
one big failure after another.

I'm the laughingstock
of my family.

The only reason I have
this job is because...

My brother owns the building.

Jack, if you can wait till
tomorrow, I'll go with you!

Boy, my French is really rusty.

Well, lucky for you, I'm here!

Mr. Furley, you speak French?

[laughs] Do I speak French!

Isn't French the
language of love?

Garçon?

Ah, oui, monsieur.

A votre service, monsieur!

Huh?

Do you wish to order?

Oh, yeah.

Uh... we'll start off
with these "es-car-gots".

And then we'll have
the "soup doojer".

And then we'll have
this "mouse-a-line sole".

Pardon! Madam seems to have
your menu... the one with the prices.

Hello? Anybody home?

Hold it!

Oh, please let that
be a cigarette lighter!

Put your hands up! Don't move!

Stop! That's our landlord!

Landlord? I'm terribly sorry,
sir. I hope I didn't scare you.

Scare me! You kidding? Ha!

[giggles]

Mr. Furley, you'll be fine.

You know, one of the most important things
in any relationship is understanding.

But one of the most important
things in comedy is misunderstanding.

Because it can
lead to so much fun!

Oh, boy! Oh, what
are we gonna do?

Chrissy! Chr... Oh. Chrissy!

[giggles] Oh, that's cute.

Yeah, there's nothing a girl likes
more than a tickle on the tummy.

Oh, I could kiss
every inch of you!

No, Jack! Not on the table!

Oh... on the floor's better!

All right, you
guys! Knock it off!

Hi.

Hi!

Jack, just hand me
the new curtain and go.

No, Chrissy. I'll help.

Jack is in the bathroom.
Would you excuse me?

Surely. Thank you.

[Jack] Okay, I'll get in the tub
with you, then we can get it on.

[Chrissy] Get next to me,
I'll show you what to do.

[Jack] This isn't exactly the
first time I've ever done this.

[Chrissy] Maybe so, but girls
are better at this than boys.

[Jack] Come on, Chrissy. A little
less talk and a little more action.

Okay. You do your
part and I'll do mine.

I don't think it'll reach.

Course not. You've
gotta unfold it first.

One of the most
touching moments is when

Jack and Janet visit
Chrissy at the hospital.

They misunderstood the doctor
and thought Chrissy was dying.

Actually, she was about to
be released from the hospital!

Did you talk to the doctor?

Yes.

Then you know?

Yeah. How do you feel?

Oh, fine. The not knowing
was the worst part of it.

Oh, Chrissy!

I'm sorry.

Hey, how are you guys?

You've been so terrific
through all of this.

Chrissy, you shouldn't
be thinking about us now.

Oh, yeah! You know, as
long as I live, I'll never forget

how super you both were.

Chrissy, is there anything
you want? Anything?

You name it.

Well... before I go,
I would like to say

goodbye to all the nurses.
They made it easier.

Oh, sure, honey.

Oh, Jack.

Well, it's almost over!

No more hospitals. No more worrying about
me. Soon this will all just be a memory.

Jack... what's wrong?

[strained] There's
something in my eye!

Chrissy... um.

Did the doctor say... When?

When what?

Uh... uh.

When... you'd be...

[whispering] going.

He said around noon.

Noon!

And then there was a time when Mrs.
Latham, a woman Jack had just given a

cooking lesson, was changing
her clothes just as Terri came home.

Hello. You must be
one of Jack's roommates.

Yes, I'm Terri.

I'm Joanna Latham.

You're certainly
a lucky girl sharing

an apartment with
a man like Jack. Oh?

For someone so young, he certainly
knows what he's doing. Such technique!

Really!

Would you mind zipping me?

Uh, sure. That Jack.

You know, he showed me
things I'd never even heard of.

Oh. Uh... is he here?

In the bedroom getting dressed.

You know what I like
best? He's so patient.

He let me do it
over and over until...

I finally got it right!

Oh, hi Terri.

Oh, Jack. I've gotta run.

Thanks so much. Here
you are. 25 dollars...

And worth every penny.

I feel guilty about
this, Mrs. Latham.

I had as much fun as you did.

Poor Terri was still in the dark when
Mrs. Latham's husband showed up.

You poor man.
Here. Come. Sit down.

How 'bout some coffee?

Thank you.

You really shouldn't be here.

Why? Isn't today
my wife's lesson?

You know about
Jack and your wife?

Sure.

You don't mind?

Of course not. She
has to learn somehow.

Guy gets tired of the
same thing night after night.

He wants a little variety.

So you sent her to Jack? Right.

But I still don't understand
why you're here!

Oh... I don't know. I thought
it'd kind of be fun to watch.

One day, Terri brought home
someone from the psychiatric ward.

Janet and Jack thought
he was a patient- and

a dangerous one.
Actually, he was a doctor.

[sighs]

So, Tom. How are ya?

Nuts?

Oh! I'm so sorry. I
shouldn't have said that.

Why? What's wrong with nuts?

Nothing!

I love nuts!

J-Just that well...

I thought perhaps you'd
prefer some cheese.

Well, anything you say. Good!

Janet! Yeah?

That was a nice move.

Just don't offer
him any more nuts.

And no crackers! Oh, Jack!

Damn! What's the matter, Tom?

Oh, my watch band has come off.

Oh, Tom. That's no
reason to get excited!

Lemme take a
looksee at it, okay?

Well, here's the problem.
You've got a screw loose.

Well, I'm glad we got all that straightened
out. Oh! One more thought about

Three's Company. We
wouldn't care about these

kids if they didn't
care about each other.

And they do. Just like
a family. Remember

the time a phony
character conned Janet into

thinking she was
good enough to be a

professional dancer?
But then she found out he

wasn't only interested
in her dancing?

How could you
treat me like that?

I trusted you. I
believed in you.

You made me believe in myself.

I think what you
did was very cruel.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

That's it? That's
all you have to say?

No, Janet. No. Let
me level with you.

I don't think you've got what
it takes to make it as a dancer.

Well. Let me level
with you, Michael.

I don't think you have what it
takes to make it as a human being.

Janet.

[crying]

Please don't say that
you told me so, Jack.

Because I know that you
tried to warn me. Janet...

Oh, Jack, you don't have to say I oughtta
be grateful for having my one big night

in the spotlight, because it is a lot
more than I ever dreamed of having.

Janet.

And don't say that you didn't come
down here to say all those things.

Cause I know darn
well that you did.

Janet. What.

I didn't come down here
to say all those things.

You didn't? No.

All I wanted to say
was... ♪♪ [soft music]

May I have this dance?

Jack.

Speaking of caring, Jack didn't
care for the idea of Terri moving in.

So on her first night there, with
Larry's help, he tried to get rid of her.

Terri, would you please
smile pretty for the camera?

Hah hah hah! That's it!

Larry...

Well that's the last time
I buy this cheap film.

The color runs!

Larry! You said you were
gonna use plain water.

Jack, that isn't funny. Look
what you did to her dress.

Yeah, you ruined it.

That was mean, Jack.

Don't worry, about it, Terri.

I'm sure Jack will
have it cleaned for you.

That's okay. He doesn't have to.

That's right! It's a
wash and wear dress!

Larry... We have a
special solution that will

allow her to wash it and
wear it at the same time.

Larry, maybe... If you want
the magic solution to clean the

dress, this is the funniest
part of the game! Just say,

Give it to me!

Terri, you don't
have to do this.

Give it to me.

Terri... Go ahead.
You can't stop now.

You're right.

Jack, that's not what I
told you to do. I know.

I don't suppose it would
do any good to apologize.

Try me.

I'm really sorry. I don't
know why I did this.

I do. I've given you lots
of reasons not to like me.

But that's no excuse
to do what I did.

You're right.

And it you ever do that again...

I'm going to give you
another tetanus sh*t!

No, Mommy! Kidding.

You are really
something. You know that?

If you still wanna live here,
I'd be happy to have you

as a roommate.

Why not? The way I look,
nobody else would take me.

I'll take you.

You know, as we look
back over all these months...

Excuse me, I think I
left a script here... Did y...

Lucille Ball!

Hi, John. Lucille Ball.
You're here! I'm standing

in the same room
with you! I mean,

you're in the same
room with me! I mean...

John. What an honor!
The great Lucille Ball!

Never in my life...

That's enough, John. But
I've admired you for so long.

Oh, well... then
keep on talking.

Lucille Ball! What
are you doing here!

I'm talking about
Three's Company.

Oh. Oh, oh... oh!

And looking at some of the
very funny things you people did.

Well! Thank you. On behalf of
the entire company, thank you.

And I was talking about
what makes for good comedy.

Oh. Well. Uh... my
philosophy of the

principle elements that
go into good comedy...

Uh, John. I don't think I
have time for this. Huh?

What's the one word that best
describes Three's Company?

One word?

Classy.

Like I said, it's
my kind of show!

Goodnight! Lucille Ball!

Oh, John, kiss me.
Thank you so much.