07x06 - Opening Night

[bunniefuu]

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Ah! Uh-oh.

Somebody get me the turpentine!

Sure. Terri, you wanna
hand Janet the turpentine?

Well, why can't
you do it, Larry?

I never touch the stuff.

Oh, Larry, you are a big help.

Shhh.

Larry, you are the laziest.

Don't you know
that Jack's restaurant

opens in three days?

Hey, hey, hey, look.

It just so happens
that Jack's future,

his whole future depends
on what I'm doing right now.

What're you doing?

I'm thinking.

[Both] Oh, my God.

I'm in charge of
advertising, right?

I'm working on the
flyers for Jack's Bistro.

Why are you in
charge? Experience.

Who do you think
does all the ads

down at the used car lot?

Your boss.

Yeah, but I deliver them
to the paper, don't I?

Larry... All right, all right.

Just listen to this, okay?

Listen.

"Grand opening of Jack's Bistro.

"Sit in soft, luxurious comfort,

"with ample leg room
and smooth service.

More courses to the dollar,
and less gas per meal."

You forgot to mention
the power steering.

Larry, it sounds like
you're selling a used car.

Oh, it's so easy to sit
back and criticize, isn't it?

Larry, give me a hand, will ya?

I'm busy, Mr. Furley.

Come here, just hold
this end down here

while I paste this.

Be glad to.

Okay, you got it? Got it.

Okay.

Larry? What is it
now, Mr. Furley?

Hold down the other end.

I wish you'd make up your mind.

I'll, uh, go in the kitchen.

See if I can give Jack a hand.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Sweetie? Hmm?

Missed a spot, there you go.

Looking good, Jack.

Big improvement.

What improvement?

Well, at least you got
the dust off the dirt.

It's just a joke to
cheer you up, pal.

Well, it didn't work.

Larry, this place will
never be ready in time.

Jacko, relax, huh?

You still have a few more days.

I need more than
a few more days.

Look at this dump, Larry.
I got cobwebs for curtains.

The sink is a swamp.

And this morning when I
went to move the refrigerator,

something back there helped me.

Easy, pal, easy.

If it's another pair
of hands you want,

you got 'em.

Gee, thanks, Lar.
I'll send Janet in.

Larry...

I'd love to help, but
my family is in town,

I got all dressed
up to meet them.

Come on, can't you think
of a better excuse than that?

If I had to, yeah.

But this time, it's the truth.

[Mr. Furley] Jack?
Larry? I need you!

Oh, what now?

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

I just thought you'd like to see

how wallpaper
should really be put up.

Oh, very nice.
Nice? It's perfect.

Look at that, no wrinkles.

Not even a...

Oh, excuse me, I'll just...

Just needed to
be... There we go.

There, now. Look at that.

Nice and smooth and flat...

Just needs a touch more paste.

Ah. Ha, ha, ha.

Now, see, that seam
there is invisible.

Damn!

[Jack] Mr. Furley,
don't do that.

Don't do that,
Mr. Furley, come on.

Hey, stop laughing.

Not funny, Mr. Furley,
would you give me this?

How could you do... I
was just trying to help.

I can't believe you,
stapling the wall.

Jack, take it easy.

Take it easy? What do
you mean, take it easy?

No, look,

I'm working my tail off
and all you do, Larry,

is stand around laughing.

Jack, we really
are trying to help.

Well, you're not.

What's got into him?

Jack... Okay, okay, girls.

I'm sorry I blew
up, I'm just under

a tremendous amount of pressure.

That's okay.

I have to open this
place in three days.

And look at it, every
time I turn on that faucet,

all I get out is seaweed.

It'll be ready, Jack.

Yeah, but will I be ready?

Well, of course you will.

I never owned a
restaurant before,

and there's a lot more
to running this place

than just cooking, you know.

I could blow this whole thing.

You shouldn't
talk like that, Jack.

No, no, he's right, Terri.

Maybe he should just
throw in the towel right now.

What?

Yeah, you know, you heard him.

He's just in over his head.

Oh, oh, oh.

You know, but Janet,

he has put so
much into this place.

I know, but why should you
throw good money after bad?

Janet! Now this has
been Jack's dream

for the past six years.

I know, I know, I know.

But if he can't
cut it... All right.

All right, you girls
made your point.

I'll open no matter what.

Aw, thatta boy.

Yeah, what have you got to lose?

Nothing, just my life savings.

My future, my pride,
my self-respect.

What'll I have left?

Us?

That's it?

No, I'm kidding,
I love you girls.

[all cooing]

Now, are you feeling better?

Almost, come here.

As long as I have you both here,

can I say something to you?

[both] Yeah.

Get back to work.

Okay, everything's fine.

What're you all standing
around here for, huh?

Right, Jack needs
us. So let's hop to it.

Mr. Furley, hang that wallpaper.

Aye-aye, sir.

Janet, finish
painting that chair.

You got it.

And Terri, let's get
cracking on those curtains.

Righto.

That's more like it.

And Larry? Yeah?

You'll have to paint
that chair again.

Voila! All done.

Great, and we're finished
way ahead of schedule.

45 minutes before we open.

Well, Jack? What do you think?

I think this is going to be

the most wonderful
night of my life.

It's perfect!

And I never could've
done it without you.

Oh, come on, Jack.

Kids here deserve
a little credit too.

Thanks, kids.

Oh, Jack, this
telegram came for you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

A telegram?

Uh-huh. Let's see.

"Congratulations.

"Have a wonderful opening night,

Mr. Angelino."

That doesn't sound
like Mr. Angelino.

"P.S. The rent's due tomorrow."

[both] That sounds
like Mr. Angelino.

[phone rings]

Oh, probably a reservation.

Hello, Jack's Bistro.

Yeeesss, this is Mr. Tripper.

What?

What!?

Hey, I was counting on you.

No, wait, you
can't do that to me.

He did it to me.

What was that?

That was the guy
who I hired to help me.

He can't make
it to work tonight.

No problem, Jack.
I'll be glad to fill in.

Oh, gee, thanks, R.F.

What do you want me to do?
Greet people and seat them?

You know, act as host?

Wash dishes and
ladle out the food.

You kidding? Look
at how I'm dressed.

It'll be dark, no
one will notice.

Oh, Janet, listen,
I forgot to ask you,

how many reservations
have we got?

Well, actually,
Jack, not too many.

Well, just give it to
me in round numbers.

Round number? Zero.

What? Zero?

Oh, Jack, don't worry about it.

People don't bother making
reservations anymore.

Obviously not here, they don't.

I can't understand.

Larry, didn't you
hand out those flyers?

Are you kidding?

There is one of these
on every windshield

on every car for miles around.

Well then, people ought to
start coming in here any second.

You're darn right they will.

What I wrote here
should... Uh-oh.

Let me see this.

"Grand opening, a
new French restaurant.

Jack's Bistro.
Saturday the 14th..."

That's next Saturday.

What?

Oh. Oh, no.

I bought tons of food, I got
sauces cooking on the stove.

The rent's due tomorrow.

Larry, how could you...

Larry? Larry! Larry!

Hey, Jack, you've got all
this food defrosting back here.

Don't you wanna put
something in the oven?

Yes, my head.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, Susie, I just thought

that you would like to get
Dr. Carson and Dr. Burditt

down here to just
grab a quick bite to...

Oh... oh.

[sighs]

Well, do you all have to be
there during brain surgery?

I mean, like, can't you take
turns or something like that?

Oh... Well, gotta go.
Okay, thanks, bye.

Good evening,
sir. Come right in.

Jack, customer.

Here. Have a seat right there
and welcome to Jack's Bistro.

Good evening, sir.
So nice of you to come.

Terri, menu.

And sir, here's a
napkin for your lap.

There we are, sir.

Our special today is coq au vin.

Our catch of the day is sea bass

prepared with a delicate
white wine sauce.

With lovely vegetables.

Now, sir, what would you like?

The men's room.

[Janet] What?
That's why I came in.

The men's room?

But it's okay. I can wait.

Can I fix you something to go?

Hey, this is mighty tasty.

Get used to it.

That's all we'll be
eating for the next month.

Oh, come on, buck up, Jack.

It's only money.

It's not even all your money.

$800 of it's mine.

Just lost my appetite.

[sighs]

Hey, guys, come on.

Come on.

There have gotta be
hundreds of customers

out there on the street.

Terri, why don't we go out there

and bring some of 'em in?

That's a good
idea. Let's go do it.

Okay, we're gonna
bring 'em back.

Don't worry about a thing.

[door slams]

[three loud pings]

What's that?

That's either the men's
room or the ladies' room.

I know that.

[three loud pings]

What's the noise?

That noise is, bing, bing, bing.

You're a big help.

Thank you.

Excuse us, sir.

Could we speak
to you for a second?

Is this about saving the whales?

No, sir. No.

You see, my girlfriend and I...

I don't believe in
the E.R.A. either.

You women got too much already.

We're not talking
about the E.R.A.

We are talking about food.

Don't tell me you're
boycotting lettuce again.

No, sir, no, no. All we want...

You people are always
wanting something.

If you don't like it here,

why don't you go back
where you came from?

Damn foreigners.

Oh, how 'bout him?

Okay, but we better come up
with a new approach this time.

Hi, there.

How would you
like to come inside

and spend a
wonderful evening, huh?

Uh, yeah, what'd
you have in mind?

That depends on your appetite.

Um, um, my appetite.

It could be something
really quick and simple.

Mmm-hmm.

Or, if you have the time,

something very unusual.

Sounds good.

Maybe a real hot dish.

Hot dish. [laughs]

And all for less than $20.

What do you say, big fella?

I say you're under arrest.

Vice squad.

What?

Vice squad. Let's go.

You've got it all
wrong, officer.

We're just out here
trying to get customers.

Yes, you're doing
a wonderful job.

For the restaurant, officer.

Sure, sure. Come on.

[both] Jack! Jack! Jack!

Hey, girls, nice work.

Come right in, sir.

The girls will take
very good care of you.

Mr. Furley, where's Jack?

Oh, he's taking care
of one of the johns.

One... one of the johns?

Yeah, they've been giving
us a lot of trouble lately.

Everybody get inside right now.

[all] Jack! Jack! Jack!

Oh, oh, good evening, sir.

All right, where's the john?

Doesn't anyone
come in here to eat?

Eat?

You mean this... uh,
this really is a restaurant?

Yes, that's all we
were trying to tell you.

Okay, okay, I'm
sorry, my mistake.

But let me just
tell you something.

I don't think you should
be dragging customers

in off the street like that.

You could really
get in a lot of trouble.

Now, what you
really ought to do is

get yourself a bunch of flyers.

You go out. Give
'em to the people.

Thanks, officer.

That does it.

There's only one
thing left to do.

Close the restaurant and
keep the bathrooms open.

All right, Jack. Enough
of this naysaying.

You gotta think positive.

You gotta think there
are people out there.

Hungry people.

And what do hungry people want?

They want food, and
where are they gonna get it?

In a restaurant.

Your restaurant.

Just think that, Jack.

Dozens of people out there.

Pushing their way in here.

Right through that door.

Right this way, folks.

Everybody, come on in.

[all clamoring]

Ta-da!

How'd I do that?

Larry, where did you
get all these customers?

It's my family, Jack.

I told you they were in town.

Remind me to thank you later.

Uh, welcome to Jack's Bistro.

Please make yourself at home.

[all cheering]

Girls, put those tables
together, all right?

We'll change the
silverware later.

That's great. Um, would
you like to look at a menu?

Forget the menu,
we want everything.

You want everything? Bless you!

[all chatter]

Jack, you're a hit. My
family loved everything.

Oh, Larry, that's wonderful.

Everything all right?

I couldn't eat another bite.

Well, that's good,
because we ran out of food.

Jack, Jack.

Do you realize how
much you've made?

How much? How much?

Gimme a second, I
haven't figured it out yet.

Well? Okay.

That is my profit?

Wow!

♪♪ [traditional Greek]

Hey, sounds like we've
got live entertainment.

Larry, what's happening?

That's my cousin, Alec.

He can really play the bouzouki.

[speaking Greek]

Larry, you know, I never
knew your family was Greek.

Yeah, that's how
I got to be Greek.

But your last name is Dallas.

That's short for Daliopolis.

Larry, that's a neat name.
Why'd you change it?

I could never spell
it. Come on, Jack.

Let's dance.

It's an old Greek custom.

Larry, I don't know
how to dance like this.

[all cheering]

Men dancing with men?

They'll close us
down before we open.

Mr. Furley... No!

It's just not right!

Men should dance with women!

[speaking Greek]

[all chanting]

Okay, Jack, your turn!

[cheers, applause]

What are they doing?

What are they doing!?

An old Greek custom.

They're showing
their appreciation.

Uh, Larry, those
plates cost $2 each!

Please, you've
thanked me enough!

Minus 16, minus 18, minus 24!

The dancers thank you. Thank
you very much. Thank you very much.

Did you see that?
How much have I lost?

It's okay, Jack.

You're still ahead. Thank God.

Oh, did I not tell you
that my friend Jack

runs a great restaurant?

[cheers, applause]

Well, I hope you
all enjoyed dinner.

Did we enjoy the dinner?

[loud cheers, applause]

Hopa!

[all] One... two... three, dip.

One... two... three, dip.

Is that all?

No, then for good luck
you kiss your partner.

Is that another Greek custom?

No, it's one of my own.

Oh, what a night!

How can I thank all of you?

You've made a dream come true.

Yeah. The best thing is you
don't have to wash any dishes.

The best thing is your
family paid for them all.

No, the best thing is,

is that we all pitched
in and did it together.

Aw, you're the greatest.

[phone rings]

Excuse me.

Jack's Bistro.

Oh, hello, Mr. Angelino.

How did we do?

We were a smash.
It was fantastic.

Yeah, uh, listen.

As long as I've got
you on the phone,

there's something I'd
like to get off my chest.

I don't want you
sticking your nose

into my business anymore.

You understand me, bozo?

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

From here on in, butt out.

Ciao, baby.

[slams down phone]

I don't believe it.

Yeah, how could you talk
to Mr. Angelino like that?

Easy. He hung up
after I said fantastic.

I'm having so much fun.

Whoo! Where's Mr. Furley?

Is Furley around? Mr. Furley?

What?

Mr. Furley, why don't you come
out here and help us celebrate?

Well, you may have time
to celebrate, but I don't.

There's work to be done.

I got my hands full back here.

[Janet] But Mr. Furley, we...

[All] Hopa!

♪♪ [theme]

Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.