07x09 - The Brunch

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Three's Company". Aired: March 15, 1977 - September 18, 1984.*
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Comedy about two single girls who need a roommate to share their Santa Monica apartment, they decide to offer a room to the guy they find passed out in the bathtub.
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07x09 - The Brunch

Post by bunniefuu »

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

[laughing]

[Both] Jack...

Girls, I've got no
time to talk now.

Jack, we just
wanted to ask you...

Mr. Angelino is coming over
at any moment to check out...

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

This machine has never
seen a bikini before.

Jack, we just wanted to ask you

if you wanted to go
to the beach with us.

Listen, I'd much rather look
at your figures than these,

but Mr. Angelino's
coming over any minute

to check out these totals.

Okay, but we're
really gonna miss you.

I'll see you later.

[Both] Okay, bye. [knocking]

Oh, hi, Mr. Furley.
Bye, Mr. Furley.

Hi. Bye. [chuckles]

Girls look real cute.

Don't you think so, Jack?

I didn't notice.

Oh, well, that figures.

Just please fix the
doorbell, Mr. Furley.

Thank you.

Doorbells, faucets, drains.

If it isn't one
thing, it's another.

I said, "If it isn't one
thing, it's another."

Yeah, I haven't got
time to talk to you.

I've got to concentrate, okay?

Okay, okay. Mum's the word.

Thank you.

You won't even know I'm here.

I'm trying to concentrate,
please. Is that all right?

Well, I heard
you the first time.

♪ She'll be coming
'round the mountain ♪

♪ When she comes ♪

♪ She'll be coming 'round the
mountain when she comes ♪

Please, don't sing.

Anything you say, Jack.

[whistling]

Mr. Furley.

I'm not singing.

Would you mind not whistling?

You don't like music, do you?

Hey, no wonder your
bell wasn't working.

The wires are disconnected.

Huh? See? The current
has no place to go.

[crackling]

Didn't you ever
learn how to knock?

What got into you?

About 110 volts, that's what.

Mr. Angelino, look.

I think I actually
made a profit last week.

For the first time
I made a profit!

"We." We, Jack,
we made a profit.

I get ten percent, remember?

Yeah. Is that all?

Mr. Furley, please,
no more interruptions.

Okay, okay.

[phone rings]

Can't blame that on me.

Hello?

Yes, this is Jack Tripper.

What? Why?

Well, there's got
to be some reason.

Uh-huh.

Oh, well, thanks
for letting me know.

Uh-huh.

[slams phone]

Congratulations, Jack.
We did make a profit!

Yeah, it'll be the last
one we'll ever see.

What are you talking about?

You can't stay in business
without a wine license.

You've got your
temporary license

and the permanent one...

Will never come through.

Some minister is
gonna get it revoked.

Reverend Gilmore?

Yeah, that's the guy.
He... Wait a minute.

How did you know his name?

Oh, it's not important.

Wait a minute. What do
you mean, "not important?"

I could be run out of business.

If you know something, tell me.

Didn't I tell you
that your restaurant

used to be called
"Charlie's Spot"?

No, you didn't.

Oh, well, it was, and
it was very popular

until the Reverend got the
idea that it was a pick-up joint.

A pick-up joint? Why
would he think that?

Maybe it was the hookers.

Hookers?

Anyway, the Reverend,

with the help of a
few other clergymen,

managed to close it down
and run those ladies out.

All of 'em?

Mr. Furley, would you please?

Wait a minute.
What am I gonna do?

Jack, relax. All we
have to do is prove

to the Reverend that you run
a decent, respectable place.

How do we do that?

I've got it.

You throw a champagne
brunch at your bistro this Sunday,

and I'll bring the
Reverend Gilmore in

right after morning services.

Yeah, that's a
good idea. I know.

I'll make him a meal
he'll never forget.

Oh. Yeah, that too, but
what's even more important

is you've got to invite
some of your friends over.

I'll be glad to come!

I mean, some of your
more respectable friends,

make a favorable
impression on the Reverend.

Right? Right.

Right!

Wait, I don't have
any help Sunday.

No problem. I'll send
Felipe over to help.

But that's his day off.

I don't think he'll be
too happy about that.

Well, of course, he won't.

There's something I've
learned over the years, Jack.

If you have a happy employee,
you're doing something wrong.

Sunday.

He's right about that, you know.

You won't be having any
more trouble with your bell, Jack.

[Jack] Thanks, R.F.

[rings doorbell]
See? It's perfect.

Great.

[doorbell rings]

Yeah, I like that. Thank you.

[doorbell rings]

Mr. Furley... [doorbell rings]

Mr. Furley!

[doorbell rings continuously]

Mr. Furley! Hey!

Hi, Jack.

What's that?

Mr. Furley just
fixed the doorbell.

You mean it's portable now?

[groans]

Boy, are you smart not to
have come to the beach with us.

It was freezing.

Girls, I'm glad you're
back because I need you.

Forget it, Jack.

No, no, I was
talking to... [slam].

Hey, listen, ladies!

I want you to be my guests

at a champagne
brunch this Sunday.

We'd love to. Isn't he sweet?

What's the occasion?

See, this minister's coming and
he expects to see some hookers.

[Both] What? No, no, no!

So I want to invite some nice
people and have them show up.

You know, nice
people like yourselves.

Oh, why, thank you, Jack.

There's one thing
though. [Both] Yes?

Do you have anything to wear
that'll make you look respectable?

Respectable? What?

Jack, do you think we'd wear our
bathing suits to your restaurant?

Your food'll be right up.

Here you go, Eggs
Benedict a la Jacque.

Enjoy your brunch. If
you need me, just holler.

Welcome to Jack's
Bistro. Table for two?

Yes, please. This is going
to be our wedding breakfast.

We just got married an hour ago.

Oh, well, you'll want to eat
and get out fast. Let's go.

Oh, no. There's no hurry.

We can't get into our
hotel room until tonight.

You little devils!

I've got just the table
for you, right over here.

Madam.

You can sit here
and enjoy your brunch

at a leisurely pace.

If you'd like to,
uh... Just relax.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Respectable enough for you?

Wow, you look
so nice in clothes.

I mean... Why don't
you sit at this table here?

Thank you, Jack. Look
at you little sweet...

[Felipe] Get out of my kitchen!

Oh, no!

Hey, hey, guys, are
you kidding? Stop that!

What's happening?

Hey, Mr. Furley!
Felipe! What's going on?

Oh, Jefe, please!

It's bad enough I got
to work on Sunday,

but I got to listen to him too?

I was just trying to help!

Help? He's trying to tell
me how to do my job?

I was not!

I just said he
wasn't doing it right.

Wait, wait! Felipe, stop it!

Would you cut that out?

Nobody tells me how to cook!

All right, all right.

If you really want to help,
why don't you go outside

and pour some champagne
for the customers?

I'd be glad to.

Remember, Felipe, it only takes
one bad cook to spoil the broth!

[speaking Spanish]

I accept your apology.

Put that down! Would
you get back to the stove?

I like to try a little
place like this.

I'm getting so tired
of the Polo Lounge.

Welcome to Jack's Bistro.

Oh, there you are, Tripper.

I'd like you to meet
Miss Van Cleeve.

Charming place.

Charming lady.

Lawrence, I saved
you a table right here.

Here you go, ma'am.

Congratulations, Larry.

She's perfect. Naturally.

What is Larry doing
with a nice girl like that?

Nothing, if she's lucky.

Mr. Furley, some champagne
for this lovely couple.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Hello. Hi there.

I'm your wine steward,
at your service.

You have to open it first.

Oh, I know that. I was
just wetting the cork.

Hello. I was just,
uh... Could I...

Good, I see you're
ready to order!

Yes, we have delicious
Chicken Marco Polo

and some Eggs Benedict.

Good choice.

Eggs Benedict, all right.

Felipe!

Si, Jefe.

Two Eggs Benedict.

Eggs? Again?

What is wrong with the chicken?

Nothing, but they
prefer the eggs.

Okay, but you are going to
have a kitchen full of chicken.

Just, would you
make me some eggs?

[Jack] Welcome, madam.

Are you alone?

Yes. I hope it's all right.

Oh, sure, it's just what
the minister ordered.

I beg your pardon?

It's just that no one's
ever alone at Jack's Bistro.

It's sort of one
big family here.

Would you excuse
me for a second?

Hey, girls. Girls, would
you mind sharing your table?

Well, we were
having a... [gasps]

Not at all. We'd love to.

Oh, good. Janet, Terry,
I'd like you to meet...

Miss Arlington. Miss Arlington.

The girls would love to have
you sit down at their table.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Certainly.

I love your dress.

Oh, thank you.

I have one just like it at home.

See, I knew you'd get along.
You have so much in common.

You think we could
order now, Jack?

Right.

Well, we have a delicious
Chicken Marco Polo,

yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum!

Also I think there's some Eggs
Benedict or something back there.

Good, I'll have
the Eggs Benedict.

I knew you would.

Ooh, that sounds
good! We'll have...

Two chickens!

Okay.

What year is this champagne?

Oh, don't worry. It's fresh.

Mr. Furley, I think you've
poured one glass too many.

Count again.

[Jack] Oh, Mr. Angelino,
and this must be...

My dear friend, the
good Reverend Gilmore.

Reverend Gilmore, I'm Jack
Tripper. Welcome to my bistro.

I hope you have
a nice table for us.

Right this way, Mr. A.

Why, good afternoon,
Miss Arlington.

Yes, Reverend Gilmore!

Reverend, I think you'll find we have a
very nice family-style restaurant here.

Don't worry, Jack. The
Reverend has an open mind.

And a sharp eye.

Well, I have nothing to hide.

Reverend, I think this chair
over here is much better.

Why?

Well, it's been blessed.

Anything wrong, Jack?

[stuttering] No,
everything is just fine.

Listen, would you guys
like to eat out on the patio?

You don't have a patio.

I could build one.

What?

It's just a little joke, you
know, Mr. Ange-lookie.

[Angelino] [gasps,
clears throat]

Oh, my God!

What's the matter?

Uh... Here, we haven't
picked out a dessert yet.

Oh, well, let's see now.

Oh, we better do
something quick!

Well, I'm reading
as fast as I can.

See, isn't this a nice place?

So clean, you could
eat right off the floor.

I prefer a table.

"I prefer a table!"
The man is humorous.

That was very funny.

I never expected this.

Look, I can explain,
Reverend. You see...

You have a very nice place here.

They... [Jack] Thank
you very much.

[banging] [Felipe
yelling in Spanish]

What was that?

I think the Spanish
omelet is ready. Excuse me.

What is going on
here? Now, cut that out!

Hey, guys! Would
you put that down?

Mr. Furley, what
is going on here?

Don't ask me! Ask Flipper!

Shh!

It is "Felipe"!

Flipper, Flipper, Flipper!

All right,
Mr. Furley, stop that.


Felipe, calm down.
Now, take it easy.

Jefe, who is the
chef of this kitchen?

You are!

Is the chef the
king of the kitchen?

Yes.

Does not the king
get what he wants?

All right, but would
you please calm down?

I can't talk to you
when you're yelling.

Just calm down! All right?

Okay.

Okay, I am going to calm down.

See?

Good. Thank you.

Now, what is it that you want?

I want to k*ll him.

You can't k*ll him.

Yes, I can k*ll!

Come here, come here! Shh!

Give up?

[Felipe] [muffled yelling]

[slurring] Good, I can
go back to my work.

Felipe, easy, easy. Easy!

Jefe, please!

What?

Could I not k*ll
him just a little bit?

Get back to the eggs!

[slurring] Would you like
some more champagne?

I better not.

You don't know what too
much champagne does to me.

Very well. Hold it.

Let's find out.

Young man!

Young man!

I hope he's talking to you.

Who?

That minister.

What's the matter? Did
you miss church today?

Worse. I sold him a used car.

Young man, may I
talk to you for a minute?

Uh-oh.

Aren't you the salesman
who sold me the used car?

Yes, I did, Reverend,
but I had no idea...

Best car I ever had.
Runs beautifully.

It's a miracle.

Didn't I tell you? Nice
place, nice people.

Young man, there is one
small thing about that car.

And there are two
more nice people

I would like you
to meet, Reverend.

Janet, Terry, come over here.

No, no, the Reverend
wants to relax.

Nonsense, I'd love to meet them.

Girls, won't you join me?

Janet, Terry, this is
Reverend Gilmore.

How do you do? Hello.

I'm sure you have
scads to talk about.

Well, sit down, please. Please.

Reverend Gilmore is the pastor
of St. Gilda's on the Square.

Oh, you mean the big
white church on the corner.

Yes. Do you know it?

Know it? They're
there all the time!

Really?

Well, what did you think
about my sermon this morning?

Oh, it was a gas!

What?

A gas!

It's uh... uh, well, that
means that she loved it.

Oh, well, that's encouraging.

So you agreed with what I
said about the wages of sin?

Oh, yes. The price of
everything is going up!

I beg your pardon?

Uh... uh... well, Reverend,

you clearly made us understand

that inflation is a sin too.

I did? That was
very profound of me.

These are very bright girls.

Well, would you
excuse us, please?

We have to get
back to our table.

Yes, it was awfully
nice meeting you though.

Likewise. By the way,
that's a lovely dress.

Well, thank you.

My mother-in-law
has one exactly like it.

Well, I thought you
girls had deserted me.

Oh, heavens no.

You wouldn't believe how happy
we are to be back here with you.

Aren't you sweet?

[loud] Okay...

Champagne on the house.

And on the table too!

You shouldn't have poured
any for me. It'll only be wasted.

Oh, heaven forbid.

Cheers.

How you guys doing?

Go... eek!

Hot stuff! Jack!

Care for some bread?

Butter? Hot rolls?

[moaning] No hot rolls!

Nightie-night. Oh, Jerry!

Oh, Diane! Oh, Jerry!

Oh, no!

Mr. Furley, could
you... No, you couldn't.

Girls, girls!

Yes?

Could I borrow Janet
and Terry for a second?

We just started eating, Jack!

It's fattening.
You don't want it.

Excuse us!

Look at those honeymooners.

You gotta get them out of here.

If Gilmore sees them, I
could be out of business.

Where do we put them?

I don't care. Just take them
and hose them down. Move!

Oh, Jack! What?

Can we have some menus?

The Reverend's getting hungry.

You want to eat? I thought
you just came to look.

Now, now, Jack.
No hard feelings.

You've convinced me. This
is a very respectable place.

Oh, uh, thank you. Thank you!

Thank you very much.

I think, Reverend, you'll
find that this restaurant

is known for its relaxed,
cozy atmosphe... [yells].

Reverend, would you like to
go look at the cozy kitchen?

It's very nice in the kitchen.

Mr. Angelin... Mr. Angeline.

[Angelino] Huh? Oh.

Yes, the kitchen! You
must see the kitchen.

You're gonna love what
you see in the kitchen.

What is this?

Hey, I don't know.

It's not on the menu.

This is disgraceful!

Oh, hi, Rev.

Would you like a swig of this?

It'll take the starch
right out of your collar.

This man is inebriated!

I am not.

I'm bombed.

Reverend, I can explain.

Oh! Oh, well, explain that.

I'd be glad to.

You see, that's an
old English folk dance,

celebrating the
reaping of the harvest.

She's up to the part
where they grind the corn.

Mr. Furley, k*ll the
music, would you?

Reverend...

I will see to it that you
never get your wine license.

Nonsense!

What would a delightful
place like this be without wine?

Delightful? Miss Arlington,
this young man is...

So thoughtful and
considerate and sweet.

I came in and he made
me feel right at home.

But, Miss Arlington...

I want him to cater our
church supper next week.

Oh, no! Oh, yes.

It'll be nice to have some
good food for a change.

But I...

Don't you want everything
perfect when I announce

my contribution for
our new church hall?

Oh. Oh, yes.

Yes, I think it's
a wonderful idea.

Good. Well, you may
see me to my car now.

I know you're going to
be a big success here.

Thank you. You're so kind.

Well, Jack, I told you

the Reverend
would like our place.

What you say, Mr. A!

How about that, girls?
I got my wine license!

[Jack] Isn't that great?

That's wonderful, Jack!
Yeah, congratulations!

Oh, now we can get out of these.

Yeah, how'd you feel walking
around all day in outfits like that?

Oh, here. See for yourself.

Yeah, that's a good idea.
Try this on for size, Jack.

How do I look?

Jack, couldn't you
wait 'til you get home?

Whoo!

Thank you very much
for your patronage.

Come by anytime
you're hungry, all right?

Boy, I'm glad that's over.

Jack, could you do me a favor?

You hungry? We got a
lot of chicken back there.

No, no. Could you
turn on the music?

Forget it, Larry.

I love folk dancing.

Oh, no! What's wrong?

I just remembered, the
honeymooners are still in the kitchen.

I'll get rid of 'em.

No, Jack. You might
embarrass them.

That's too bad. Jack!

Hey, lovebirds, come out
of there and I mean now!

♪♪ [Both singing]

[speaking Spanish]

♪♪ [theme music]
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