06x11 - Darrin the Warlock

[bunniefuu]

I think you're going to find
this next activity very amusing, young man.

It's called making Daddy's breakfast.

Now...

We are going to make French toast.

French toast is...
Well, it isn't French, and it isn't toast.

And that gives you an idea of what
you're gonna be up against in this world.

What's the big idea?

- Daddy.
- Yes. Daddy.

- Thanks for the mess.
- Anytime.

May I have my egg back?

Thanks.

I pop in to see
how your father's enjoying his gift

of infinite power, and what do I find?

Daddy, Darrin agreed
to accept your gift for only one day.

I'm sure by now he's back to normal.

But you forget how easy it was
to persuade him to use my magic gift.

Let me refresh your memory.
Shall we tune in the refrigerator?

Now, just a few simple instructions.

You hold the watch,
you concentrate on where you want to be,

and you say, Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.

Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum?
That was a dirty trick!

He was beautiful, Samantha.

You should have seen him,
zapping and popping like an old pro,

especially when he popped into the client's
office to get some inside information.

- That wasn't cricket.
- No, it was eavesdropping.

I don't believe you.

Darrin, how did you get that inside info?

Larry, if I told you,
you wouldn't believe me.

You son of a g*n.

Today Bliss Pharmaceutical,
tomorrow the world.

Now tell me that isn't the look of a man
who sees the open door to fame and fortune.

No. No, that is the look of a man

who is trying to satisfy the wishes
of his father-in-law for one day.

- I'm sure by now he's back to normal.
- I don't think so, Samantha.

It's like p?t? de foie gras.
Once you've tasted it, you can't stop.

As the boys say on Carnaby Street,
"He's hooked."

- We'll see. Darrin's different.
- So you keep saying.

- Good morning, Adam. Hello, Maurice.
- Good morning, my boy.

- Sweetheart, what's for breakfast?
- French toast.

What do you mean, "Oh"?

I had my taste buds set for something
a little more exotic like...

- Eggs Florentine perhaps?
- Yeah, that might be good.

- And truffles and caf? au lait?
- Now, that's what I call a proper breakfast.

Sorry, Darrin, but this kitchen
is fresh out of truffles.

Now, I know one that's not.

- The Cafe Chez Henri in Paris.
- I don't think I have the time.

I have an appointment at the office.

Darrin, why don't you let me whip you up
some French toast, mortal style?

I've got it.

If he won't go to Henri's, he merely uses
his powers to bring Henri's to him.

Say the magic words.

Concentrate on Chez Henri.

Of course.

Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.

Dolphin, you feed your face
while I feast my eyes.

You must admit,
your father has a gourmet's taste in food.

And a playboy's taste in service.

A kindly word from my devoted daughter.

Come on, let's all have breakfast.

What have we here?

- Samantha?
- No, thanks.

What about these tasty morsels?

I'd put sweaters on them if I were you.
They look a little chilly.

Now then, let's see.

- Maurice, that was a breakfast fit for a king.
- I particularly enjoyed the service.

Thank you, Marie, Yvonne, Gigi.
My compliments to the chef.

That'll be all.

Well, Maurice,
I'd better be getting to the office.

If you'll excuse me.

Work, work, work.

The all-consuming possessor of mortals.

Sam, I'm leaving.

- Are the bunnies gone?
- Yes, dear.

Well, have a nice day, and drive carefully.

Remember how bad
the traffic is this time of day.

Who worries about traffic?

Zolda, Prancan, Kopek, Lum.

See you at dinner.

You know, I'm beginning
to feel a certain affection for Darrin.

Darrin? That's the first time
you've remembered his name.

Well, I feel closer to him now.

I felt safer when you were more distant.

Don't you realise
he's just indulging your whim?

Did you hear me suggest
that he shouldn't drive to work?

No. I mean...

Book, come.

Book, return.

Darrin...

Don't tell me. Let me tell you.
You think you saw a book going by.

Yeah, I did think that.

I was just experimenting
with my latest diversion.

Mind over matter.
You see, by deep concentration,

I channel my thoughts to your cerebellum

where I create the illusion of a book
moving through space.

Darrin, will you please knock it off
with all this hocus-pocus

and channel your brain waves
to the Bliss Pharmaceutical presentation?

It's almost finished.

Well, here's a little incentive
to help you finish it.

$5,000?

Why are you so surprised?

I told you that would be your bonus
if we landed the Bliss account.

Well, frankly, Larry, I didn't think
you'd really come through with it.

Hey, this check is dated a year from today.

Just a formality.

We don't have the account yet.

Mr Bliss for Mr Tate.

- Junior or Senior?
- Senior.

Put him on.

Hello, Mr Bliss?

Yes. Fine. Fine.

I'll pick you up personally at 7:00.

Yes, Stephens will have
the material prepared.

I'm delighted, too, Mr Bliss.

See you later.

Your info was right.

Bliss wants to stay
with the old-fashioned approach.

And that's what we'll give him
when we have dinner with him

at your house at 7:30 tonight.

Why my house?

Because that whole new approach
was your idea, wasn't it?

Now we've gotta scrap it,
and look at all the effort I've wasted.

So the least you can do to make up for it
is have the dinner at your house.

Larry, that's not a very good reason.

How about it's gonna be there
because I said so?

That's a good reason. Hey.

I'm gonna have this check
redrawn and dated for tomorrow.

You son of a g*n.

Take me to Samantha.

Good grief.

Darrin, what are you
trying to do, give me whiplash?

Come on, Sam. That's old stuff for you.
Remember me? I'm a convert.

Yeah, well, what happened
to that wonderful, sweet mortal

I said love, honour and no witchcraft to?

He's come to his senses.

All that sacrificing,
all that doing without is over.

Where's Maurice?
I'd like to tell him the good news.

He has a skiing date in Zermatt
with Jean-Claude Killy,

but he'll be back before dinner.

I almost forgot. Mr Bliss, Sr and Jr
are coming here for dinner tonight.

That's the new account we're about to land.
And Larry has given me a $5,000 bonus.

Larry...

Why would he do that?

I had a little inside info
that tied the ribbon on that account.

Inside info?

How did you get that inside info?

I attended a private board meeting
compliments of Daddy.

Sam, from now on, you're gonna have
everything you deserve and more.

Now listen to me, Darrin.
You may have given up, but I haven't.

I enjoy taking care
of my husband and my children

in the everyday, mortal way.

I like things the way they are.
If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.

Now, you married me for what I am,
and I married you for what you are.

Sam, I've made you live like a mortal for
so long you're beginning to act like one.

Okay, Darrin, what would you like me
to zap up for dinner?

Anything you want, sweetheart.
Only make it fancy.

Don't you worry,
I'll give you the witch's special.

Okay.
Well, I've gotta be getting to the office.

Sam, no more of that, huh?

Hi, Larry.

- Darrin, where have you been?
- No place.

A minute ago I left the office,
came right back in, and you were gone.

Now you're back again.

Mind over matter.
I made you think I wasn't here.

Darrin, will you cut it out with this
mind over matter bunk?

You're giving me the creeps.

Larry, how do you think I got that
inside information on the Bliss account?

You mean by using
that mind over matter bunk, stuff,

you can tell what our clients are thinking?

Certainly. You want me to prove it?

Yeah.

Okay. You go out and ask Betty
what she had for breakfast.

Now, she doesn't even have to tell you.

Just ask her to write it down
on a piece of paper.

And then what?

Then come back in here, and I'll
tell you what she had for breakfast.

Boy, this is crazy.
But if it works, I love it.

- Betty, what'd you have for breakfast?
- Well, I...

Don't tell me.
Just write it down on that piece of paper.

Mr Tate, are you all right?

Betty, just write down
what you had for breakfast.

But why do you care
what I had for breakfast?

I don't care what you had for breakfast.

I just want you to write it down
on a piece of paper.

Mr Tate, I don't mean to be arbitrary,
but isn't this a little peculiar?

Betty, will you stop making
a federal case out of this?

I just want you to write down
what you had for breakfast.

It's not important at all,
and nobody cares one way or another.

So do as I tell you, or you're fired.

Yes, sir.

Orange juice, bacon,
eggs straight up, sweet roll and coffee.

Darrin, ours is a great partnership,
a wonderful wedding.

With my greed and your talent,
nothing can stop us.

- Larry, would you say that again?
- Gladly.

With my greed and your talent,
nothing can stop us.

No, before that.

Ours is a great partnership,
a wonderful wedding.

Wedding. Like in marriage.

Yeah. Darrin, we've got to keep this...

Darrin, what happened
to the sweet, wonderful mortal

that I said love, honour
and no witchcraft to?

I happen to enjoy taking care of my husband
and children in the everyday, mortal way.

I like things the way they are.
If I didn't, I wouldn't be here.

Suspicion. Don't you agree?

- With what?
- Haven't you been listening?

Sure. But not to you.

- What?
- Nothing.

I tell you, Darrin. We'll have more wealth
and power than even I ever imagined.

We can juggle the stock market,
seize control of the national economy.

- Today the nation, tomorrow...
- Don't say it, Larry.

But you don't realise, Darrin,
if we play our cards right,

in time, we can rule the world.

Larry, I don't want to rule the world.

Okay, so you don't wanna rule the world.
I do.

I've wanted to rule
the world ever since I was a little kid.

And I'm making that check out for $10,000.

See you tonight, partner.

- Hi, Daddy.
- My darling daughter.

Samantha, tell your father what's wrong.

Daddy, I'm worried.

If you're right about Darrin,
that means he's changed.

He hasn't changed. He's matured.

Sam.

- How did you get home?
- I took a cab, thank you.

And I enjoyed
every bumper-to-bumper minute of it.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

- You're behaving very strangely, Darrin.
- You think so?

Could we have a little private talk?

Just as soon as I have a private talk
with him.

But don't go away.
I don't want that much privacy. Maurice...

I have a feeling it's going
to be "sir" from here on in.

- Could be.
- Well, then, I'll have a martini.

Spanish gin, Italian vermouth
and a Greek olive.

You'll have a martini
the way I make one for you.

And forget the witch's special for dinner.
Take six chicken pies out of the freezer.

- Is something disturbing you, Dustbin?
- Yes, this.

Take back your hocus-pocus.

Your vocabulary could use a little
polishing, but I think I get the idea.

Now, Darrin, don't be ungracious.
Remember, it does tell time, too.

- Forget it.
- As a warlock named Will once said,

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!"

Come to think of it, he also wrote,

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.

"They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts."

Daddy, don't you think
you're getting a little carried away?

So sorry about that.
I'm leaving the watch here.

Do with it what you will. As for me,

I have a previous engagement for dinner
which I propose to make as soon as I leave.

But I'll be back for the fun.

"Good night, good night!
Parting is such sweet sorrow

- "That I shall say good night till it..."
- Say good night, Daddy.

Good night, Daddy.

Oh, what a rogue and peasant knave is he.

Oh, Darrin, I'm so proud of you.

You stood up to Daddy
like you had nothing to lose.

As long as I have you,
I have nothing to lose.

Marvellous, just marvellous, Mrs Stephens.

The chicken pie
and lemon sherbet really hit the spot.

Well, I'm sorry it wasn't a bit more elegant,
but I really didn't have the time...

Nonsense, girl.
I admire your lack of pretension.

- It's an excellent quality.
- Thank you.

- Daddy, I'm so glad you popped in.
- Yes.

- This is my father. Mr Bliss Sr Mr Bliss Jr.
- Bliss.

- And you remember Larry Tate.
- Maurice.

Please, don't let me interrupt.
Please, go on.

Well, Stephens, let's get down to business.
What have you got on your mind?

- There he goes.
- I'll give you odds.

Before we get to the business at hand,
why don't we make ourselves comfortable?

That's dirty pool.

Gentlemen, we call this meeting
to present an entirely new concept

before you decide
where to place your account.

Very well. I assumed that.

And, frankly, we're delighted,

in view of McMann & Tate's
superior reputation in the business.

Aren't we, Dad?

Go ahead, Darrin.

Mr Bliss,

I firmly believe

that we should present
our original campaign,

which we think is more modern
and up-to-date.

Right. Wrong! What are you talking about?

When I went along with
your conservative approach,

it was based
on my knowledge of what you wanted.

How did you know what I wanted?

- Call it instinct.
- Instinct?

After careful consideration,
I'm sorry to say

that I find your advertising ideas
unimaginative and pedestrian.

- Darrin, what kind of a joke is this?
- Now, now, Tate, let the boy talk.

At least he has the courage of his
convictions. You gotta give him that.

That and two weeks' notice.

- You were saying, Stephens?
- Well, Mr Bliss,

getting your account
is not our main purpose.

Our objective is to provide you
with a campaign that,

in our opinion, will increase your sales,

which, believe me,
your present campaign will not do.

Darrin, about that two weeks' notice,
make it 24 hours, starting yesterday.

I don't know why, Tate.
He makes perfect sense to me.

That's why I'm backing him 100%.

I admire Stephens' integrity.

Integrity is our hallmark.

Too bad I can't agree
with his advertising concepts.

Darrin, if I've told you once,
I've told you 1,000 times,

integrity doesn't feed the bulldog.

Well, we've taken up enough of your time.

- Silas, come along.
- Wait a minute, Mr Bliss.

Stephens doesn't have the last word
at McMann & Tate, I do.

He isn't even with the company any more.
Mr Bliss, please listen.

Okay, Maurice,

your magic watch threw the Bliss account
right in my lap.

Okay, I've just thrown it out.

My boy, you've completely shattered
my lack of faith in mortal behaviour.

You're supposed to be motivated
almost entirely by greed.

Don't you know that?

Daddy, why don't you admit
that Darrin's something special?

Some divine power prevents me.

What divine power?

Me.

Modesty is not one of his faults.

I may be ill.

You see, Maurice, a man who has everything
doesn't need witchcraft.

You have a lot to learn about human beings.

I beg your pardon.

Daddy, I hope you're gonna take
this little setback graciously.

Don't I always?

Now, Daddy...

- Daddy, are you through?
- I don't think so.

I won't say another word.

Say something. It would be a lot cheaper.

- That's what he calls gracious?
- For Daddy, that's gracious.

Now I'll take my leave
of this mundane establishment

and be off to Mount Olympus
where the gods and I will laugh

to scorn your mortal folly.

Daddy always was one for big exits.

Good morning, Sam.

- Where's Darrin?
- Upstairs, dressing.

Will you tell him I'm here?

- Darrin?
- Yes?

An ex-friend of yours is here.

- Who?
- Larry.

- Tell him I've gone fishing.
- He's gone fishing.

- I just dropped by to congratulate him.
- For what, being fired?

No, for landing the Bliss account.

Larry, it's a little early in the morning.
What are you talking about?

I got a telephone call from Bliss Jr
first thing this morning,

and he told me that
his father had second thoughts.

He said any man who could
jeopardise an account

as big as Bliss Pharmaceutical,
and at the same time lose his job,

has to have the best interests
of the client at heart.

Well, sweetheart, isn't that wonderful?

Now, wait a minute.
Larry, are you putting me on?

No. I've got the signed
contract right here.

- There's just one thing.
- What's that?

Well, Bliss thought, as a formality,
he'd like your signature on the contract.

- Well, how about that?
- Yeah, how about that?

Even though I assured him
that you would be assigned to the account.

- Me? You fired me.
- That's right. You fired him.

Now, wait a minute. Don't be ridiculous.
I knew what you were up to.

That's why I threw in the clincher
and pretended to fire you.

I think that was the touch
that swung the deal.

Larry, you expect me to believe that?

No. Just sign the contract.

Darrin, you and I are an unbeatable team.

Thank you.

And I'm a big enough man to admit that
it was your genius that made this deal.

That son of a g*n.