08x01 - Jack Be Quick

[bunniefuu]

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ Come and knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Ow!

Oh, Terri, I need you.

Get outta here. No, Terri,

I need you to sew a
button on my pants.

Oh, sew a button.
Why didn't you say so?

I thought I did. I'd ask
Janet, but she's not here.

Okay, give me the
needle. Here. Ow.

Ow! Watch it, it's got
a point on it right there.

See. Are you just gonna
sit there in your underwear?

Gee, I'm sorry.
You want these too?

Jack! Ooh, easy. Only kidding.

Only teasing. So sorry.

So, uh, by the way, Cheryl
called me this morning.

What'd she say? What'd she say?

Oh, she said that she
was glad to be home,

and that she hopes that the paper doesn't
send her out on another story right away.

No no no, I mean what
did she say about me?

Okay, okay. She said that she's really
looking forward to seeing you again.

Whew. Well, after three weeks of
covering that Mr. Universe contest,

she's probably
starved for a real man.

No, she's only
interested in you.

Stop it.

No, what else did she say?

Oh, she just kept asking a
lot of questions about you.

What kind of questions?

Oh, she wanted to
know about your family,

about your mother
and your father,

you know, how
you spend your time,

what you read... Really?

Um-hum. You know, Jack, I
think she's really crazy about you.

In fact, she said that she had something
really special planned for you tonight.

Oh, something special, huh?

Hey, aren't you even gonna
thank me for the button?

It's open, Larry!

Thank you, Terri. You know, Janet
always acts like it's such a big deal.

I'll come back later.

Larry, will you knock it off?

Terri... Oh, no. Thank you,

Jack. You were terrific.

Whoo!

See ya, big guy.

What a kidder.

She was kidding, wasn't she?

You'll never know.

No, Larry, listen. I don't
have much time now.

I got a big date tonight.

Yeah, well, okay,
who's the girl?

Cheryl. Th-the lady reporter.

That's right, and she is
just dying to see me. Oh?

Yeah. She called
Terri this morning and

asked her a whole lot
of questions about me.

Eh? What kind of questions?

Oh, you know, uh...

she asked about my
parents, what they're like,

what kind of... what kind of
books I read, that kind of stuff.

You don't say.

Yeah, and she's also planning

something very
special for us tonight.

Uh-oh.

What do you mean, uh-oh?

Jocko, a girl doesn't
ask about your family

unless she wants
to become a part of it.

Huh? I've seen
it all before, Jack.

Girl finds out all about you,

then maybe she invites
you up to her place

for a nice, intimate,
candlelight dinner.

Maybe softens you up
with a little champagne.

And then, just when
you're in the mood,

she pops the question.

Your minister or mine?

Oh, that's ridiculous, Larry.

Listen, in the first place, there's
not gonna be any candlelight dinner

because we're going out,
and in the second place,

Cheryl doesn't drink champagne.

Yeah, that's because she has never
had anything this big to celebrate before.

Will you knock it off?

Cheryl and I are just
going out on a date.

Cheryl?

You're going out with a girl?

Uh, uh, Jack... He...

Larry, hey, why hide it?

You know what I mean? I think it's
time that I told Mr. Furley the truth.

Mr. Furley, the other night I
went to a Clint Eastwood movie,

and I got to feeling
so macho that, well,

I actually went
and asked a girl out.

Well, it's a good thing
you didn't go to see Jaws.

Probably be going
out with a fish.

Yeah.

Then you could call
her your gill-friend.

Oh, Mr. Furley, look,
I'm in sort of a hurry,

so what is it that
you actually wanted?

Oh. Larry, are you gonna
be home later? Yeah, why?

I'll be up to fix
that leaky faucet.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Furley.

Oh, Jack, I gotta warn ya,

you know what's gonna
happen if you go out with that girl?

What? Nothing!

Ha!

Got a pain here.
Larry, I'll see you later.

Wait, wait, wait. Aren't
you forgetting something?

What? The marriage license.

Will you drop it with
this marriage already?

What are you... Oh, hi, guys.

Hey, Jack? Janet, I'm sorry.

I'm late. I gotta
go pick up Cheryl.

See you later. Oh.

Jack, I'm warning you,
you're in big trouble!

What kind of trouble?

The worst kind.

What are you talking about?

Can you keep a secret?

Yeah, yeah.

So can I.

♪♪

Hi.

Hi.

Well, now that we've got all
the small talk out of the way...

Come in.

Oh, Jack.

It's so good to see
you. And you are

so good to see! How sweet.

Listen, are you ready for a night of
dinner, dancing, and Lord knows what?

I thought it would be
cozier if we ate here.

Here? Um-hum.

I fixed us a little
candlelight supper.

Can...

dlelight...

I thought you'd like it.

With champagne to start.

Champagne, oh my God.

I knew that would get you.

So did Larry. Who?

Huh? No... No one.

No. Uh, Cheryl, I thought
you didn't drink champagne.

I do on special occasions.

Why don't you open it, and
then we'll have a little talk.

Uh, Ch-Ch-Cheryl, listen.

Um, before we
have the little talk,

I think there's something
you should know about me.

I have a few faults.

What kind of faults?

Well, I'm not very dependable,

I-I stay out all hours,

I like to fool around.

You talk too much.
I talk too much.

I c... I can't open bottles.

Jack, um, how many times
have we gone out together?

Huh? Oh, uh, four or five.

Is that... Four.

I thought...
Actually, only three.

Jack... Well, you can't
count the second date

because it was raining.

The point is, darling, is even though
we've only known each other a short time...

Cheryl, we've had
two casual dates.

Jack, why are you so nervous?

I get... That's another
one of my faults.

Will you relax?

I'm... Okay, fine, I'll relax.

I'll relax. I'm
calm, I'm mellow.

Good. Totally laid back.

Ahh. Now that's better.

I don't want to marry you.

Marry me?

Oh, is that what you thought?

Oh, Jack, I don't
wanna get married.

You-you don't?

Of course not, silly.

Bless you.

But I'll tell you
what I do want.

What? Your baby.

I don't have a baby.

You're not listening.

I want you to be the
father of my child.

Uh, wait a minute.
Cheryl, a baby?

You want me to-to...

Well, that's generally
how it's done.

Oh, I couldn't. I mean,
I could, but oh, bro... I...

I just, uh...

Um, listen, I can't
believe this is happening.

Mm, it's not happening
yet. No, but...

Why would you... Because...

I want a child
while I'm still young.

Yeah, but why would you pick me?

Because you have all the wonderful
qualities I want that baby to have.

You want a baby that stays
out late and likes to fool around?

Oh, Jack. But
anyway, you just said

you didn't want to
marry me. I don't.

You don't? No.

Jack, my career is very
important to me, Yeah.

And I can't give it up now.

Well, wait a minute.
That... How...

Don't you see? My work
takes me all over the world,

and being away all that time
wouldn't be fair to my husband.

Well, you could
always stay home.

That wouldn't be fair to me.

Wait a minute,
Cheryl, I... Jack,

why don't you just pour
the champagne and relax?

Relax. We'll never
get anything done.

Oh my God... Oh, geez.

Look, Cheryl, wait. Hang on.
Hang on one second, okay?

I gotta tell you
something. Listen to me.

All right? I may
be old-fashioned,

but I really believe that
a baby needs a father.

That's what you're here for.

No, not just that, no, Cheryl.

I think that a baby needs
his dad to be there for him

to see him take his first
steps, and to teach him

the most important things
of life, you know, like, um,

how to put on his
little socks, you know,

or how to ride a bike
or play with his train

or how to say no when
a girl wants his baby.

Oh, Jack. No, Cheryl, look.

I'm sorry, but I gotta tell you,

you got the wrong guy.

I could never have a baby
without being a real father,

and to me, you see,
that means marriage.

I understand how you feel.

You do?

Of course.

But feelings can be changed.

So why don't you just pour
the champagne in a glass

while I slip into something
more comfortable?

You do that... and I'll do this.

You know, Tammy...

Yes?

For the first time in my life,

I feel like I don't have to
pretend to be something I'm not

in order to impress a girl.

I can just be myself.

I know what you mean, Doctor.

You can call me Larry.

Now, you say it's been two years
since you had your last physical?

Well, actually, um...

I'll get rid of whoever that is.

Larry, I gotta talk to you.

Not now, Jack.

Please, Larry, I
got a big problem.

Is he one of your patients?

He will be if he doesn't leave.

Oh, no! I don't
wanna be in your way.

Your patients come first.

Good night, Doctor.

Doctor?

Give this back to
Terri, would you?

Larry, will you listen to me?

Cheryl doesn't want to marry me.

She wants a baby.

You're kidding.
No, I'm not kidding.

And, Larry, I can't just jump
into bed with a girl and walk away.

Jack, you may not have to.

Where does she live?

Don't you ever stop?

Larry, she wants
to have my child.

What am I gonna do?

Well, for starters, you can stop
seeing those Clint Eastwood movies.

Oh, God.

Prayers won't help.

You better pour cold water
on this woman, and pronto!

Thanks, Larry. Mr. Furley,
I appreciate the, uh, advice.

Any time.

And, Jack, if you need
any help, just let me know.

If there's one thing I've
never had any trouble with,

it's getting women
to lose interest.

Oh, hi, Janet.

Hi, Terri. I'm glad you're home.

Me, too. What a day.

I gotta ask you something. Sure.

Listen, is Jack having
problems with Cheryl?

No, just the opposite.

I think they're getting
real close. Close?

Yeah. In fact, Cheryl told me that
she had something really special

planned for Jack tonight.

Something special? Very.

Would you excuse me, Janet? I have
to change my clothes. I am just dead.

Well, you're home... Not now.

Well, I was just... Janet,

please, I don't wanna
talk about it, okay?

Is that all right? I just
don't wanna talk about it.

Right. Sure, Jack, sure.

Excuse me, I... Go ahead.

Okay.

Hello? Look, Cheryl,

I don't wanna hear any
more talk about the baby.

Yeah, all right, look.

I know you didn't expect
me to run out on you,

but I didn't know
what else to do.

Hey, I was looking
for a little fun, that's all.

I thought you were, too.

I'm sorry.

No, that is your problem.
I just can't help you.

Yeesh.

What was that?

That was Jack, the big louse.

What a terrible
thing for you to say.

You wouldn't feel that
way if he got you pregnant.

Oh, Janet!

Get serious!

Not me. Cheryl.

Cheryl? Shh.

Jack got Cheryl...
Yeah, he sure did.

And now he's running out on her.

You mean he's not
gonna marry her?

That's right. I'm gonna
go in there and k*ll him.

No no no no no. Janet, wait.

Why? Did you think
of something better?

Janet, how long
have you known Jack?

Too long.

And in all that time,

hasn't he always faced
up to his responsibilities?

Sure, but...

Sure, but now he's
scared. Don't you see?

Once he's had time
to think this thing over,

he'll do the right
thing and marry her.

Do you really think so?

Absolutely.

But what if he doesn't?

Then we'll k*ll him. Now,

go in there and
talk to him. Go on.

I'll go in... Okay,
I'll... Go go go!

All right, I will.

Hi, Jack. Listen, Janet,

I'm sorry I snapped at you, but I am
under a tremendous amount of pressure.

Oh, that's all
right. I understand.

Can we talk? Yeah.

Just a second. I got
something in the oven.

I know.

Okay, Janet,
what's on your mind?

Uh... well, Jack, um...

I, uh, I know why Cheryl
wanted to see you tonight.

What did she do,
tell the whole world?

You don't seem very shocked.

Come on. We're
living in the '80s.

These things happen.
Not to me, they don't.

Hey, aren't you being
a little bit selfish?

I mean, after all, Cheryl
is counting on you.

Huh?

Jack, don't make her beg.

Hey, just think what
you're gonna get out of it.

I can't... I can't
believe that you... Jack,

I know you, and if you
don't go through with this,

you will be sorry for
the rest of your life.

That's what Larry said.

Larry? Gee, I'm
surprised he felt that way.

I'm surprised you feel this way.

Jack, everything's
gonna be okay.

You just go to Cheryl
and do the right thing.

Now?

Sure. Yeah.

Show her what you're made of.

Stand up and be a man.

Stand up?

I know if I was
in Cheryl's place,

I'd be counting the
seconds till you got there.

Janet, I guess I
never really knew you.

Do it, Jack.

Man, Janet, there's more
to you than meets the eye.

I'm so glad I called you.

Look, I have to go.

Yeah. I'll speak
with you tomorrow.

All right. Bye-bye.

Jack... Not now, Terri.

Yeah, there's
something I've got to do.

Boy, is there
something I have to do.

Well, we can relax now, Janet.
We have nothing to worry about.

I know. I just
spoke with Cheryl,

and she's not going
to have a baby.

Sh-she's not? But she wants to!

What? Yeah. She wanted
Jack to be the father,

only of course he did
the right thing and said no.

No. Yes!

No! Because of me

and my big mouth, Jack is
on his way over there right now

to try and get Cheryl pregnant.

Oh my God!

How can you possibly send
Jack out to try something like that?

Talk about mission impossible!

Look, Mr. Furley...
He could hurt himself!

Damn that Clint Eastwood!

Damn!

Clint Eastwood?

Who is it? It's me, Jack.

I knew you'd be back.

And I'm so glad.

I am too.

Hello? Yeah, whoever that is,

tell 'em you're
busy. It's for you.

It's for me? Who could
be calling me here? Hello?

Jack, listen. This is Janet.

Before you do anything, there's
something you should know.

Please. My father gave
me that talk years ago.

Who was that?

Uh, a well-wisher. Excuse me.

Why are you doing that? Well, we
don't want to be disturbed, do we?

Oh.

Jack, I've been thinking over
what you said earlier this evening.

Mm. And a child
does need a family.

That's nice.

And I know it's
a big step, but...

I'm ready. Oh, so am I.

Wonderful, darling. Then I'll
have my best friend join us.

Join us? At the wedding!

At The wedding? Yes!

You made me see that just
jumping into bed would be all wrong.

I did that?

Yes, and you're so right.

Wait a minute. But, Cheryl,
what about your career?

Oh, I've thought of that.

My mother can stay with
us and watch the baby.

Your mother?

You'll love her.

I'll get us some
champagne to celebrate,

and you pick the date. No,
wait, wait, Cheryl, hang on.

No champagne, no dates,
and no mothers. Listen.

Look, this... this might be
hard for you to understand, but...

You don't want to get married.

I just don't want
to get married.

Oh, Cheryl, listen to
me. Any guy in the world

would be lucky to spend the
rest of his life with you, but...

You're not the guy.

I'm not the guy.

Even if my mother
doesn't stay with us?

Um, no. I'm... I'm sorry.

Don't be. It's better than
both of us being sorry later.

Oh, you are terrific.

You know, you deserve the best.

Let's have that
champagne now. Why not?

Hi. My name's Larry.

I just love kids.

Oh, Jack, we're so proud of you.

Aw, shucks.

Yeah, Jack. You could have taken
advantage of Cheryl, but you didn't.

Aw, shucks, again.

It's open!

Hi, g*ng. Hey, Mr. Furley.

Well, Jack, what
happened with that girl?

Uh, nothing.

What'd I tell ya?

I shoulda listened to you, R.F.

You're right. And just so you
don't get carried away in the future,

I made out a list of
movies you could see.

So there's Bambi,
Sleeping Beauty,

Peter Pan... No, I
better scratch Peter Pan.

Tom and Jerry, Sabu
the Elephant Boy...

Sabu! Oh, this is a good list.