PART ONE
Written by Ian Briggs
Original air date: 23rd November, 1987
Run time: 24:01
Refrigeration room
Belazs: Halt!
Kracauer: Oh, you lucky, lucky people. You are the chosen ones, the elite, specially selected to join our force of mercenaries and create fear and terror wherever you go.
Zed: We were tricked.
Kracauer: Kane has paid seventeen crowns for each of you, and he insists on value for money.
Zed: Seventeen crowns? You couldn't even buy a dog for seventeen crowns.
Kracauer: Precisely. I wouldn't have paid seventeen crowns for the lot of you, let alone each.
Kracauer: Only frostburn.
Zed: Frostburn?
Kracauer: Liquid nitrogen. Minus two hundred Celsius. Just be thankful your arm didn't go inside the vat, otherwise it would never have come out again. Right, freeze them.
Zed: Wait! You mean we're going to be frozen?
Kracauer: Until Kane needs your services, yes. What's the matter, getting cold feet?
Kracauer: k*ll him!
Kracauer: Leave him. He's in the restricted zone. He's a dead man.
Restricted zone
Kane: Pay no attention to the intruder. You may continue with your work.
TARDIS
Mel: Where is it?
The Doctor: Iceworld. A space trading colony on the dark side of the planet Svartos. Space travellers stop there for supplies. I've been picking up a faint tracking signal for some time. I think there's something interesting going on there, Mel.
Shopping mall
Announcer (O.C.): Don't miss our special offer in the nurturing spares department. Photon refrigeration units for only twenty four ninety five. Thank you.
Mel: A freezer centre? How boring.
The Doctor: Oh, trust not appearances, Mel. You never know what might be lurking in the freezer chests. Think gothic.
The Doctor: This way.
Restaurant
The Doctor: Ah, two of your best strawberry milkshakes, if you please.
Anderson: Certainly, sir.
Glitz: There must be some mistake in the reckoning.
Ace: The mistake's in your wallet, not my arithmetic.
Glitz: Do you take Asteroid Express?
The Doctor: Glitz!
Mel: Glitz!
Glitz: What? No, never heard of him.
Mel: It's us, Mel and the Doctor. You haven't forgotten us, have you, Glitz?
Glitz: Shush. Keep your voice down. No, of course I haven't forgotten you. Mel, and the Doc. Here, you're not the Doctor.
The Doctor: I've regenerated. The difference is purely perceptual.
Glitz: Here, you couldn't do us a favour, could you? You see, I'm in a spot of bother.
The Doctor: What's this, Glitz? Not another one of your dodgy deals backfired?
Glitz: No, no, nothing like that, straight up. Fact is, I'm on a mission of highly philanthropic nature.
Mel: What's that?
Glitz: It means it's beneficial to mankind.
Mel: We know what philanthropic means. What's the mission?
Glitz: I have been entrusted to deliver certain secret documents which nefarious unnamed parties would stop at nothing to grasp within their own grubby digits.
The Doctor: You mean...
Mel: They'd k*ll you.
Belazs: Sabalom Glitz, we've been looking for you.
Mel: Leave him alone. If you k*ll him, you k*ll us too.
The Doctor: Er, steady on there, Mel.
Belazs: What are you talking about?
Mel: Oh, he's told us everything, about how you tried to stop him delivering secret documents...
Glitz: Shush.
Belazs: Becoming quite a story-teller, aren't we, Glitz? I'm afraid you also seem to be a victim of Mister Glitz's cavalier attitude toward facts.
The Doctor: Glitz.
Belazs: I'm not interested in any secret documents which Mister Glitz may or may not possess. I am more concerned with the hundred crowns he took from my employer, Mister Kane, under false pretences.
Glitz: That was highest quality merchandise.
Belazs: A space freighter full of deep frozen fruit which turned out to be rotten.
Glitz: Oh, a bit on the ripe side, maybe.
Belazs: They were putrefying, Glitz.
Glitz: A little past their prime, perhaps.
Belazs: And Mister Kane does not run Iceworld to subsidise crooks like yourself. The hundred crowns, please.
The Doctor: I think you'd better pay back the money, Glitz.
Glitz: I can't.
The Doctor: Why not?
Glitz: Well, you see, there was this game of cards. I got well damaged.
Belazs: What about the hundred and two crowns you sold your crew for?
Mel: Sold your crew?
Glitz: Well, the mutinous rabble. They tried to take command of my spacecraft. I relieved myself of them for seventeen crowns a piece. Rather more than they were worth, I think.
Belazs: The money.
Glitz: Gone the way of all organic matter, I'm afraid. Down the tube.
Belazs: In that case, we're confiscating your spacecraft.
Glitz: The Nosferatu? You can't do that.
Belazs: You have seventy two hours to find one hundred crowns or you lose your spacecraft.
Glitz: But it's my livelihood.
Glitz: Doctor, you've got to help me.
The Doctor: You've only got yourself to blame.
Refrigeration room
Kracauer: We're going to have trouble with this lot when you defrost them, Mister Kane.
Kane: Trouble?
Kracauer: They didn't volunteer willingly.
Kane: None of my mercenary force will be willing when I bring them out of cryosleep. The process causes complete loss of memory. With no memories they can have no past, no future, no will of their own, no purpose except to obey me. To them I shall be invincible. My power shall be absolute.
Restaurant
Anderson: You will do as you're told. Less of your lip or you'll be out on your ear.
Ace: Hope the dragon gets you in the night.
Mel: Dragon? What dragon?
Ace: It's just a legend. There's supposed to be a terrifying dragon living in the ice passages underneath Iceworld.
Mel: I knew there must be a reason why you brought us here. You want to see the dragon, don't you.
The Doctor: Oh really, Mel, it's fascinating. Travellers claim to have seen it throughout the centuries but there's never been any proof.
Mel: Like the Lock Ness monster.
The Doctor: Loch.
Mel: Och!
Ace: You're going to go looking for the dragon?
The Doctor: Absolutely.
Ace: Oh, cool. Can I come too?
The Doctor: Won't you get into trouble with your boss?
Ace: Oh, I'm fed up with being a waitress. Oh, go on, Professor, let me come too.
The Doctor: Well, I don't see why not.
Ace: Ace! And can we search for the treasure, too?
The Doctor: Treasure?
Ace: Yeah. The dragon's supposed to be guarding a fabulous treasure.
Glitz: (laughs) Treasure? What treasure? You don't want to go believing in myths and legends, Doctor.
Mel: Who asked you? We're not talking to you.
Glitz: No, if you want my opinion, all this talk of treasure and dragons, it's all a load of old spacedust.
Ace: Well, if you're so convinced it's all rubbish, why have you been burning holes in this treasure map for the last two days?
Control room
Belazs: He says he lost the money in a game of cards.
Kane: I know he lost the money in a game of cards. The game was fixed. What about the map?
Belazs: He's convinced it's genuine.
Kane: Excellent. He'll soon realise if he wants to see his spacecraft again he has no alternative but to go after the treasure. And when he does, I shall be with him every step of the way.
Belazs: There's just one thing.
Kane: Yes?
Belazs: He appears to have two colleagues.
Kane: Colleagues? I thought he sold his entire crew.
Belazs: They're not from his crew, sir. Space travellers. A man and a girl. Do you want them eliminated?
Kane: Not for the moment, I think. There's no reason for them to suspect that the seal on the treasure map contains a tracking device.
Restaurant
The Doctor: Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Mel: Looks like something from a jumble sale to me.
Glitz: Oi, there's nothing snide about this document.
Ace: You don't want to believe nothing you get from him, Professor. He probably bought two hundred of them in a job lot.
Glitz: Do you mind? This is the real McCoy, this is. It comes from an unimpeachable source.
Ace: What's that, then?
Glitz: That means it is beyond reproach or question.
Ace: I know what unimpeachable means, bird bath, but what makes you so certain this map's pedigree is twenty four carat?
Glitz: Because I acquired it from a man of character and distinction.
Mel: How?
Glitz: I won it in er, a chess match.
Mel: You won it playing cards. Doctor, it's a waste of time. He won it in a card game.
Glitz: An honest transaction. The man was desperate not to lose this map, so I know it's something very, very tasty.
The Doctor: It shows the lower levels of Iceworld.
Ace: No one goes down there any more. Too dangerous.
The Doctor: The Ice Garden, the Singing Trees.
Glitz: But like the girl says, Doctor, it's too dangerous.
The Doctor: Where's your sense of adventure, Glitz?
Glitz: What, do you want to go here, the Lake of Oblivion?
The Doctor: Where?
Glitz: Depth of Eternal Darkness? Dragonfire? I should stop at home, if I were you.
Ace: Cor, this sounds brill.
The Doctor: My sentiments precisely. What's your name, incidentally?
Ace: Everyone calls me Ace.
The Doctor: Oh, how do you do. I'm the Doctor and this is my friend Mel.
Ace: And we're really going to go looking for dragons?
Glitz: Too risky if you ask me.
The Doctor: Nonsense, Glitz. Time for a quick adventure then back for tea.
Ace: Ace!
Mel: That's the spirit, Doctor.
Glitz: Hang about! You can't go without me, that's my map. And I don't want these girls coming along, either.
Ace: What?
Glitz: It's too dangerous.
Ace: Professor!
Glitz: And since it's my map...
Ace: Right, you male chauvinist bilge bag, just you wait.
Glitz: Oh, nice.
The Doctor: And I was so looking forward to meeting a dragon.
Mel: Oh, it's all right, Doctor, you go on ahead. I'll wait here. And if Glitz burns his fingers in the dragon's fire, then it serves him right.
Glitz: It's just you and me, then, Doctor.
Control room
Belazs: They have left the upper levels now.
Kane: Only two of them, you say?
Belazs: Glitz and the traveller called the Doctor. They're just setting off for the lower levels.
Kane: Excellent. Continue to monitor the tracking device. Well?
Belazs: It's Glitz's spacecraft.
Kane: What of it?
Belazs: It's just that...
Kane: Yes?
Belazs: Well, if Glitz and the Doctor are as good as dead, I'd like the spacecraft.
Kane: Oh, you'd like the spacecraft, would you? When you first came here you had nothing. You were willing enough to take my payment then. But now you want to leave. Perhaps you have memories of a home you can return to? Perhaps I should have put you into cryosleep along with all the others and erased your memories.
Kane: Perhaps you need reminding. As long as you bear my mark, I own you.
Man (O.C.): Yes, sir?
Kane: Glitz's spacecraft. Have it destroyed.
Man (O.C.): Yes, sir.
Restaurant
Announcer (O.C.): Would the emergency services please report to the docking bay to deal with an icing up. Thank you.
Mel: It's all your fault.
Ace: How'd you work that out?
Mel: You were encouraging them both. Oh ace, oh brill.
Woman: You girl. Yes, you, girl. Come here.
Ace: What do you want?
Woman: This milkshake isn't adequately shaken.
Ace: That's how they come, missus.
Woman: It's got lumps in it.
Mel: It's supposed to have lumps in it. That's the ice cream.
Woman: But we don't want lumps in it. Shake it some more.
Ace: Shake it yourself.
Woman: I beg your pardon?
Ace: You heard.
Woman: I've never been so insulted...
Ace: Bet you've never had a milk shake tipped over your head, neither.
Anderson: I'm awfully sorry, madam. That does it, you're fired.
Ace: I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Anderson: Get out. I've had enough of you.
Ace: I promise it'll never happen again.
Anderson: Get out! You too, out.
Mel: Me?
Anderson: Both of you. Out!
Mel: All right, I'm going.
Anderson: You're troublemakers, hooligans. I do apologise for my staff. I do assure you, those milk shakes don't stain.
Restricted zone
Computer: Current ambient temperature minus ten Celsius. Target temperature minus a hundred and ninety three Celsius.
Computer: Cabinet temperature dropping.
Ace's room
Announcer (O.C.): If there's anyone in the emergency control room, would you please answer the phone. Thank you.
Ace: Well, come on in, if you're going to. He really gets up my nostrils, that Glitz.
Mel: Oh, he's all right underneath.
Ace: No. He's a grade A hundred percent div, that's what he is. Underneath.
Ace: Look, leave those alone, will you?
Mel: I was only trying to make room to sit.
Ace: Well, just sit on top of them like everyone else does, can't you?
Mel: All right, all right.
Ace: I've been meaning to do the washing for a couple of weeks.
Mel: Looks more like a couple of months to me.
Ace: You're just like the teachers used to be at school. How do you expect to pass your chemistry A level if you can't even store the equipment properly?
Mel: A level? You're from Earth?
Ace: Used to be.
Mel: Whereabouts on Earth?
Ace: Perivale.
Mel: Sounds nice.
Ace: You ever been there?
Mel: No.
Ace: I was doing this brill experiment to extract nitroglycerine from gelignite, but I think something must have gone wrong. This time storm blows up from nowhere and whisks me up here.
Mel: When was this?
Ace: Does it matter?
Mel: Well, don't you ever want to go back?
Ace: Not particularly.
Mel: What about your mum and dad?
Ace: I haven't got no mum and dad. I've never had no mum and dad and I don't want no mum and dad. It's just me, all right?
Mel: Sorry. What about your chemistry A level, then?
Ace: That's no good. I got suspended after I blew up the art room.
Mel: You blew up the art room?
Ace: It was only a small expl*si*n. They couldn't understand how blowing up the art room was a creative act.
Announcer (O.C.): If anyone sees any member of the emergency services, will you please ask them to pop along to the upper docking bay when they've a moment to spare. Thank you.
Ace: Isn't anyone going to do anything about that ice jam blocking the docking bay? Here, take these.
Mel: Deodorant?
Ace: They're just old cans. They've got home made Nitro Nine in them now.
Mel: Nitro Nine?
Ace: It's just like ordinary nitroglycerine, except it's got a bit more wallop. Careful you don't drop them. Come on.
Control room
Computer: Cabinet at minus a hundred and ninety three Celsius.
Man (O.C.): Yes, sir.
Belazs: It's me, Belazs. Mister Kane has changed his mind about Glitz's spacecraft. It's not to be destroyed, do you understand?
Man (O.C.): Spacecraft is not to be destroyed.
Belazs: That is correct.
Lower levels
The Doctor: Have you seen any Singing Trees or Ice Gardens, Glitz?
Glitz: We're still too close to the upper levels, Doctor. Let's cast me eyes over the map.
The Doctor: Well, since we've come from that direction, I think we should go in that direction. Then again...
The Doctor: Perhaps that direction. Yes. And keep your eyes peeled for any Singing Trees or Ice Gardens, Glitz.
Docking bay
Kracauer: Come on, both sides, push! Harder! Push.
Ace: Gordon Bennett, what a bunch of Spocks. They'll never get it open at that rate. Here, let's have a couple of those.
Mel: You're not going to use those, are you?
Ace: If I were you lot, I'd go for your tea break now.
Kracauer: Why? What's in those cans?
Ace: Nitro Nine. We've got eight seconds. Last one back's a gooey mess.
Kracauer: Nitro? Everybody, get down!
Ace: Ace!
Mel: Ace!
Restricted zone
Computer: Target blood temperature of minus one hundred and ninety three Celsius achieved.
Kane: What are you doing in the restricted zone?
Belazs: I was looking for you. There's been an ice jam in the upper docking bay and the emergency services haven't responded.
Kane: Must I do everything myself? Go there immediately and take charge of the situation.
Belazs: Of course.
Singing Trees
The Doctor: Singing Trees.
Glitz: But these aren't trees.
The Doctor: Use your imagination, Glitz. Willow trees, something like that.
Glitz: Well, where's the singing coming from?
The Doctor: Air current causes the crystal membranes to vibrate.
Glitz: I bet this is worth a few grotzits.
The Doctor: Yes, what's it do?
Glitz: Do?
The Doctor: Yes. Some sort of opto-electronic circuit. But why? I mean, what's it doing here?
Glitz: You mean someone made all this? Dragons?
The Doctor: Possibly. Come on, Glitz. Tempus fugit. I want to be back in time for tea.
Docking bay
Belazs: What is going on? You two are under arrest. Take them away.
Mel: What?
Ace: Hang about! Put me down.
Ace: Leave me alone! Get off! Stop it! Not fair!
Ice junction
The Doctor: Glitz? Glitz? Glitz?
Refrigeration room
Kane: Quite a little expert with expl*sives, I hear.
Ace: Yeah? So what if I am.
Kane: Excellent. I like women with fire in their bellies, don't I, Belazs? I might yet have a use for you.
Ace: Oh yeah? What makes you think I'd be interested?
Kane: Oh, I can be very persuasive.
Ace: I'm not frightened of you.
Kane: Good. Because I shall need people like you in my army of mercenaries.
Ace: You what?
Kane: Think about it. Travelling through the twelve galaxies, the diamond sparkle of meteorite showers, the rainbow flashes of an ion storm. Think about it.
Mel: Don't listen to him, Ace!
Kane: How old are you?
Ace: Six, eighteen.
Kane: Eighteen, eh? No home to call your own. The twelve galaxies are your home. Come with me. I understand you.
Mel: It won't be like that, Ace! Don't believe him.
Kane: Join me. Take my golden sovereign.
Kane: Take the sovereign.
Mel: Don't do it, Ace! Please, don't do it!
Kane: You've heard altogether too much. Freeze her!
Mel: No, Ace!
Kane: Take my coin. Take the coin.
Ace: Right, freeze! I mean, don't freeze. Stand still and let Mel go.
Kane: You stupid girl. Think it's that easy to walk away from me?
Ace: Do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale? Run!
Lower level
Mel: Hang on, are you sure this is the right way?
Ace: Course I'm sure. Don't you trust me?
Mel: I don't know. What with the dragon and all that.
Ace: The dragon. It's just something to frighten little children with. It's like witches and goblins. There ain't no such thing.
`
The Doctor
SYLVESTER MCCOY
Mel
BONNIE LANGFORD
Ace
SOPHIE ALDRED
Sabalom Glitz
TONY SELBY
Kane
EDWARD PEEL
Belazs
PATRICIA QUINN
Kracauer
TONY OSOBA
Customer
SHIRIN TAYLOR
Anderson
IAN MACKENZIE
McLuhan
STEPHANIE FAYERMAN
Bazin
STUART ORGAN
Zed
SEAN BLOWERS
Pudovkin
NIGEL MILES-THOMAS
The Creature
LESLIE MEADOWS
Announcer
LYNN GARDNER
Stellar
MIRANDA BORMAN
Archivist
DAPHNE OXENFORD
Arnheim
CHRIS MACDONNELL
Assistant Floor Manager
CHRISTOPHER SANDEMAN
Costumes
RICHARD CROFT
Designer
JOHN ASBRIDGE
Incidental Music
DOMINIC GLYNN
Make-Up
GILLIAN THOMAS
Producer
JOHN NATHAN-TURNER
Production Assistant
ROSEMARY PARSONS
KAREN KING
Production Associate
ANNE FAGGETTER
Script Editor
ANDREW CARTMEL
Special Sounds
d*ck MILLS
Studio Lighting
DON BABBAGE
Studio Sound
BRIAN CLARK
Theme Arrangement
KEFF MCCULLOCH
Title Music
RON GRAINER
Visual Effects
ANDY MCVEAN
SYLVESTER MCCOY
Mel
BONNIE LANGFORD
Ace
SOPHIE ALDRED
Sabalom Glitz
TONY SELBY
Kane
EDWARD PEEL
Belazs
PATRICIA QUINN
Kracauer
TONY OSOBA
Customer
SHIRIN TAYLOR
Anderson
IAN MACKENZIE
McLuhan
STEPHANIE FAYERMAN
Bazin
STUART ORGAN
Zed
SEAN BLOWERS
Pudovkin
NIGEL MILES-THOMAS
The Creature
LESLIE MEADOWS
Announcer
LYNN GARDNER
Stellar
MIRANDA BORMAN
Archivist
DAPHNE OXENFORD
Arnheim
CHRIS MACDONNELL
Assistant Floor Manager
CHRISTOPHER SANDEMAN
Costumes
RICHARD CROFT
Designer
JOHN ASBRIDGE
Incidental Music
DOMINIC GLYNN
Make-Up
GILLIAN THOMAS
Producer
JOHN NATHAN-TURNER
Production Assistant
ROSEMARY PARSONS
KAREN KING
Production Associate
ANNE FAGGETTER
Script Editor
ANDREW CARTMEL
Special Sounds
d*ck MILLS
Studio Lighting
DON BABBAGE
Studio Sound
BRIAN CLARK
Theme Arrangement
KEFF MCCULLOCH
Title Music
RON GRAINER
Visual Effects
ANDY MCVEAN