04x14 - Super Hero

[bunniefuu]

SALEM: A peanut butter, banana
and vitamin sandwich?

- I'm intrigued.
- It's career day at school.

I have to figure out
what I'm gonna do.

So hopefully,
a diet rich in Jif and zinc will help.

If you'd like to get a head start,

I have a witch aptitude test
on my laptop.

- Is it accurate?
- Are you kidding?

Not only did it peg me percent,
but I got into Wellesley.

- Okay, I'll try it.
- Put your finger on the asterisk key

and it'll show you your future.

Don't you quit on me.

I need milligrams of epi, stat.

And something for my tummy.

[GURNEY CRASHES]

Okay, either I'm gonna spend
my future being sued for malpractice,

or that test is wrong.

Salem,
did you tamper with this test?

Took, tampered with.
A cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do.

[FANFARE PLAYS]

Tell Elton John
he can start singing now.

[SNICKERS]

You know what I hate
about career day?

It makes you think
about your future.

I don't know.

Some of these lectures
are pretty nap-friendly.

Spellman, Kinkle, new girl.

I'm not new. I've been here all year.

Surly new girl. Detention.

That's it? No calling us miscreants?

No resenting us for our youth?

Why bother?

Oh, sure, when I became principal,
I had a dream.

Mandatory "Yes, sirs,"
corporal punishment,

scratchy woollen shorts.

But my hands are tied
by the school board.

And the century.

Yeah, when you look in the mirror
and the man staring back

is just an ineffectual figurehead,

crushing young dreams
just ain't what it used to be.

That's kind of sad.

He used to really revel
in being unjustly mean.

Hey, wanna check out
the World Needs Corn booth?

Can't. I have an appointment to talk
to a career counsellor.

He's gonna help me whittle my options
down from anything but a doctor.

It's good that you're thinking
about your future.

You are clearly
at a crucial crossroad.

Mm-hm. Well, thank you for offering
me that shred of hope.

- Here's the literature you requested.
- Thank you.

Although I have to tell you
that rodeo clowning

might be rough on a man your age.

Duly noted.

- Mr. Kraft wants to change careers?
- Yes.

So Mr. Kraft is soon to be ex-principal
of my little hallways.

Explains why
you're floating on air.

But you better get down.
Your Aunt Eileen lost an eye that way.

I just hope Mr. Kraft
doesn't try and move in here.

Nothing sadder than a man
who freeloads off a woman.

Yeah,
may I remind you that I'm a cat?

- Should we tell Zelda?
- No.

She'll use her common sense to talk
him into staying and playing it safe.

I just got off the phone with Willard.

He's having an identity crisis.

He's not sure
if he's actually human?

No.

He wants to change jobs.

- And you talked him out of it.
- Of course not.

You are so good for him.

I encouraged Willard
to take a leave of absence

and go find a job
that will make him happy.

Yes, and you might wanna mention

that Mexico
is brimming with opportunities.

I hope he takes your advice.

But I doubt Willard Kraft would leave
a job where he gets free pens.

KRAFT [OVER P.A.]:
And so, with a heavy heart,

I resign as principal
of Westbridge High.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I prayed for this day.

Well, I'm sure those kids
were just punchy.

Well, maybe I'm being paranoid,
because the bacchanal happened

immediately
after the announcement.

Well, you were right
to keep those pens.

But how am I gonna
pick a new career?

I just fell into academics.

Well, after I failed
the post office exam.

You just need to try new things.

I'm scared, Zoo-Zoo.

I mean, what if people scowl at me
and say mean things?

You've dealt with that wonderfully
for years.

Willard Kraft,
you are a brilliant and talented man.

I want you to follow your dreams.

I'll do it.

Ooh!

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

But just think of all the jobs
you know you don't want now.

I gotta tell you,

I am seriously thinking of taking
my job back at the school.

You can't.

I mean, you just have to stick to it
till you find a job that's suited for you.

I tried. I've got the scabs to prove it.

So it might take a while.
I mean, look at me.

I found my dream job
at the coffeehouse.

Sabrina, say hello
to your new shift partner, Will.

As in, "I've lost the will to live"?

No, just Will.

Now that I'm behind
Gen-X enemy lines,

I thought I'd go with something
a little more with it.

You've gotta help me get Mr. Kraft out.
A coffeehouse should be a sanctuary.

Amen. Don't worry,
we'll figure something out.

We can't tell Aunt Zelda. She'd never
want me to interfere with Kraft's life.

You've got to help me get Willard
out of that coffeehouse.

We do? I mean, absolutely.

What is an intelligent,
talented man doing wasting his time

in some pathetic
little hole-in-the-wall?

Hey. I mean, absolutely.

He just needs to remember
his childhood dreams.

You know what?
I am going out and get him a copy

of What Colour is Your Parachute?

Oh, what a sweet idea.

It will never work.
You'd better use magic.

All Willard needs
is a sh*t of Dream Come True.

Sounds very
Golden Age of Hollywood.

All you have to do is squirt him

and he'll become
what he wanted to be.

He'll have to quit the coffeehouse,

and we'll go back
to having customers.

Let's test it out.

I'm not scratching the furniture.

[SALEM SOBBING]

Finally, I'm a guy in red suspenders.

Get in line, ladies.

Beautiful. Well, I'll thank you later.

First I have to sh**t Will
before he gets something pierced.

Two cappuccinos.

- Mr. Kraft?
- You left your job for this?

Oh, yeah.
That gig was strictly L-seven.

Hey, you two peepsters
savvy to any raves this weekend?

I'll just get those cappuccinos.

This is like a mercy k*lling.

Wow, Sabrina.
He wasn't bothering us that much.

Oh, this is all part of the training.

Police that slop tray. Now, mister.

Ah! Ooh.

I have someplace
very important to go.

Just call me
The Little Kraft Who Could.

And just call me the dream weaver.

- Think fast.
- Brad, don't.

No.

You got me.

It was my last day on the force.

Harvey, Harvey, speak to me.

I think he's gonna survive.

What do you think this is,
some kind of toy?

Hey, that guy's stealing the tip jar.

Citizens, go about your business.

Mighty Teen to the rescue.

- I believe this is yours.
- Aah!

And I believe that's frightened criminal
for "I'm sorry."

Mighty Teen, away.

- Was that Kinkle?
- Was he flying?

Yeah. That was Harvey flying.

He's trying to get away
from Bigfoot and Elvis. Heh.

No more caffeine for you two.

There's gotta be a way to reverse
this Dream Come True spell.

Here, "Once someone lives
out their childhood dream,

the spell will automatically end."

Great. Well, Harvey obviously wanted
to be a superhero.

Now that he saved the day,
he fulfilled his childhood dream.

I bet he's back to normal already.

- I gotta get curtains.
- You gotta reverse that spell.

Excuse me,
but your cat was stuck up a tree.

I got a real kick
out of his little fireman suit.

Oh. You're brave, virile,
and easily entertained.

Come back next week.
He's going to be Abe Lincoln.

Yeah, I'd better go.

The guys are gonna get together,
watch the fight, eat chilli.

Just the guys hanging around
in our skivvies,

loading up on the musical fruit,
and watching the sweet science,

and I'm not there?

I gotta convince them
I'm a real fireman.

Try losing the tail.

Oh, if you're thinking of trying
that matchmaking service,

take it from me, specify "mammal."

I just read an e-mail from Willard.

He sounds so happy.

He says
he's going to follow his dream.

Really?
Whatever could have gotten onto--?

I mean, into him.

I wonder what his dream is.

You know, is it a doctor,
or statesman, or--?

[MAKES PLANE ENGINE SOUNDS]

- This.
- Request clearance for sugar.

Oh, look,
it's Baron Von Emergency Landing.

[LAUGHS]

You know,
they all laughed at Lindbergh too.

But that will change
when I realise my lifelong dream

of recreating his flight
across the Atlantic in a tiny two-seater.

It certainly is a strange,

some might even say
delusional dream.

But good for you.

You have to admit, I look awfully
dashing in goggles. Heh-heh.

What's with the glasses?

Oh, I've had these for a while.

I mainly use them for sleeping.

Harvey, I know your childhood dream
was to be Mighty Teen.

I've never met the lad,
but I hear he's a nice fellow.

I need to know, what mission
does he have to fulfil

or motto does he have to live up to?

Mighty Teen was put on this Earth
to save the world.

- The whole world?
- Or so I've been told.

These bathrooms
are nothing but trouble.

They always run out of toilet paper.

Trouble?

Excuse me, I just remembered
I left my notebook in this classroom.

Where there's trouble around,
Mighty Teen will be found.

- Oh, super.
- Not Super Teen, Mighty Teen.

Kinkle, what are you doing?

This is one great senior prank, huh?

And yet, there's nothing funny
about poor hygiene, ma'am.

Mighty Teen, away.

I have to admit,
he really pulls off that cape.

Do you think bringing
economy-size toilet paper

to a bathroom
would fulfil Mighty Teen's quest to...?

I'm gonna stop talking now.

Well, what do you think?

I wanted it
to be just like Lindbergh's.

Wow. It looks nothing like Lindbergh's.

And yet, even though
you used modern materials,

you managed to make it
so much less safe.

[CHUCKLES]

Guess what I named her after.

Oh, Willard, you didn't.

- Oh. You didn't.
- Yep, the Spirit of Westbridge.

See, I want my flight
to be just like Lindy's.

Right down to only taking
one bologna sandwich,

and a tiny bottle of water,
and a lawn chair to sit in.

Dear, I think it's wonderful
that you have your lunch meat

and your terribly rickety chair,

but what about the small matter
of flying experience?

Oh, well, if I get into trouble,
I'll just fly square circles

until I can latch on
to the proper longitude.

My, my, you seem to have acquired

a great deal of aviation knowledge
very suddenly.

Almost magically.

Excuse me, I have to go see my sister
and make some accusations.

Somewhere, there has to be a story
where Mighty Teen saves the world.

We have to recreate it
and Harvey will go back to normal.

Here's one where Mighty Teen
squeezes his radioactive zit

on his arch-nemesis.

Okay, gross and keep looking.

The good thing about having changed
Harvey is he'll never feel pain or die.

You obviously didn't read issue
number , where he d*ed painfully.

Sorry.

Okay, more good news.

What is that?

[SIREN WAILING]

SALEM: This is Red Eagle to squad
leader, we are in progress.

Do you smell smoke?

[GRUNTS]

SALEM:
Nothing to worry about, folks.

Keep it moving
and let the fireman do his job.

I hate to interfere with the pro,
so I have no problem doing this.

But I wanted to fight the fire

and prevent our home
from incinerating.

- Who started this fire, anyway?
- Me.

Hilda, did you put
some sort of spell on Willard?

I can honestly tell you that yes,
there is a spell on him.

And I can honestly tell you that no,
I didn't do it.

It would have been a lot easier just
to say, "Sabrina did it," Aunt Snitch.

Sabrina, you are in serious trouble.

[expl*si*n]

Where there's trouble around,
Mighty Teen will be found.

Obviously, one of Mighty Teen's
powers is eavesdropping.

Let the girl go, oh, dark one.

I'm her aunt.

It's okay. I did something wrong
and my aunt was upset with me.

A false alarm.

Much like the conundrum I faced
in issue number ,

"Requiem for a Mutant."

Mighty Teen, away.

Criminals, beware.

You've warned them.
Isn't that enough?

That was odd.

But Harvey's strange behaviour

couldn't have anything to do
with Willard's.

I mean, there is no spell
that would make Willard

wanna fly across the ocean,
and turn Harvey into a superhero.

Uh-huh. Dream Come True.

Or whatever you call
that thing you made.

I knew it.

You put a Childhood Dream spell
on Willard.

You said you wanted him
to follow his dreams.

He's flying to Paris
in a hunk of balsa wood.

Oh, that thing
will never get off the ground.

[PLANE ENGINE HUMMING]

See you in -and-a-half hours.

He seemed happy.

Zellie, just a thought,

but maybe you should go along
with Willard so that he doesn't die.

I can't.

Since Sabrina put the spell on him,
only she can protect him.

But I have to protect Harvey.

Who knows
what evil he's chosen to fight?

I mean, some criminals
can be downright mean.

Sabrina, we are in triage.

My boyfriend's situation
is worse right now.

And he doesn't have super powers.

All right, I'll go.

But if you hear the screams
of Mighty Teen,

will you call
the Justice League of America?

Boy, this spell has really gotten
out of control.

Bad Sabrina.

KRAFT:
I'm free.

Away from the world,
with it's mundane little annoyances.

- Hey.
- Aah!

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm not really here.

I'm a phantom, just like Lindbergh
hallucinated after hours of flying.

I've only been flying a few minutes.

Well, it's a much more
fast-paced world. Look at MTV.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

What's that noise
that sounds like an engine failing?

That would be your engine failing.

Usually,
a sure sign that we're going down.

Tempting, but...

That's it, baby.

Yes, I knew
you wouldn't let me down.

I hope you're in the mood
for burritos,

because Paris, France,
here we come.

E-six.

Stop trying to sink my battleship.

I'm trying to trace Willard
and Sabrina's flight over the Atlantic.

Well, I just wanna tell you about me
fulfilling my childhood dream.

- Later.
- One Mississippi, two Mississippi.

There I was,
cut off from my squadron,

and Lady Fahrenheit
was cranking up the jet.

With nothing more than my wits
to arm me,

I saved countless lives
by subduing a raging brush fire.

This is coming out of your allowance,
you little pyro.

You know, I don't think
a daredevil like Lindy

would settle for a straight line.

Let's make this interesting.

SABRINA:
Stop.

KRAFT:
Where's your sense of adventure?

In my throat
along with my stomach.

- Ow!
- Whoa!

That was fun.

I can't straighten my finger out.

Yeah, but why would you need to?
Just leave the driving to us.

[SINGING]
Come fly with me

Let's float, let's--

Oh, sweet mother of mercy,
we're out of gas.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Oh, no, my magic's out.

I knew I shouldn't have used the dials
off of mother's stove.

Oh, no, it must be
because I jammed my finger.

Look, will you shut up
about your finger?

I don't understand this.

I filled this plane with the exact
same amount of gas that Lindy did.

Lindbergh didn't waste his gas
over the Carnival Cruise ship

trying to get a glimpse
of Kathie Lee.

I just can't wait and worry.

Oh, don't be such a worry witch.

Sabrina and Willard
are gonna be fine.

And if anything goes wrong,
Sabrina has her magic.

SABRINA: I guess this is it.
- No.

No, no, this is it.

Mr. Kraft, this is my last chance
to tell you how I feel about you.

There's something
I wanna share with you too.

Me first. You're an idiot.

You didn't even buy enough gas.

Now we're going down,
you shovel head.

Well, you give dead weight
a bad name,

you whiney little stowaway.

This is taking an awfully long time.

And it hasn't even hurt yet.

Are you on the rainbow bridge

being greeted
by family members and old pets?

[ADVENTURE MUSIC PLAYS]

We're flying again. Look.

What?

But how?

And where's that music
coming from?

When trouble's around,
Mighty Teen really will be found.

My hero.

That sounds so phoney
in comic books, but now I get it.

Well, the emotions
in comic books are real.

Just don't send away
for the x-ray specs.

Ow. Oh.

I hurt my finger in the world's
most ill-advised barrel roll.

Well, lucky for you I have some
Teen Bacteen in my utility belt.

At the risk of being redundant,
my hero.

Often heard but never tiresome.

Has my childhood dream come true?
Are we in Paris?

Yeah. I mean, oui.

[ALL CHEERING]

This must be just how Lindy felt.

I wonder how long
it took his cheeks to wake up.

Is there any way I can talk you
out of going off to save the world?

But I already saved it.

You're my world.

Now I know why Superman
ruined Lois for other men.

What?

Uh-- Oh, essay for my
Comic Books as Literature class.

Hey, what's all that ruckus?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Did the French Embassy
come for career week?

I think everyone's
just weirdly excited

to welcome Mr. Kraft back.

So Willard remembers nothing?

Nada. He's principal again.

And even though the hours are long,
the pay is short,

and he's still ineffectual,
he says he's never been happier.

Time for me to be out of the doghouse
for my Childhood Dream spell.

- It looks like it worked.
- Yeah.

That Peace With Yourself spell
that you put on Willard didn't hurt.

- Did it, Zellie?
- What?

You really are Aunt Snitch,
aren't you?

Why are you still dressed like that?

I thought you fulfilled your pitiful dream
of ruining my hairbrushes.

SALEM:
I want people to recognise me

from the four-alarm
fireman's calendar.

I'm Mr. November.

Well, this will certainly change
your image.

I know, I know. It's airbrushed.