08x04 - Samantha's Not So Leaning Tower of Pisa

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Hi, this is Elizabeth Montgomery

inviting you to stay
tuned for Bewitched.

[♪]

Ah.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

The greatest architectural
goof of all time.

If you do this,

everything else
looks like it's leaning.

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, that's probably Larry.

He's supposed to be coming
over with a client.

Hello.

[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]

Hello?

Okay, what's ringing?

Oh, look, this.

Hello.

Hello, Samantha.
How are you?

Fine. How are you?

Miserable.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

What's the matter?

I can't talk about it

in front of him.

Darrin, would you mind?

Couldn't she use the phone?

I am using the phone.

Oh, brother.

[♪]

All right, now what is it?

Hi, Mommy.
Aunt Hagatha's here.

She is? What for?

That's why I called you.

I just can't baby-sit
for you anymore

so I've gotten Hagatha
to take my place.

What is it?
What's wrong?

Well...

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

Oh, hel... Hello?

Hello? Hello? Oh...

Oh, dear. I must have
broken the connection.

Hello?

I don't suppose
it would occur to you

to use the phone?

Telephone Upon the table.

Just as soon As you are able.

Send my voice to Sam in Pisa.

In the land
Once ruled by Caesar.

[GASPS AND WHINES]

Aunt Hagatha,
Esmeralda pulled another goof.

They're ringing.

Hello, Samantha.

Hello, Esmeralda.

Now, look, I really
don't want you to leave.

Sam.
Well, I don't.

Sam.

[GASPS]

Oh. Oh, my stars.

Esmeralda, you shouldn't
have come here.

What makes you think
I wanted to?

I just meant to send my voice,
not all of me.

Esmeralda, will you
tell us what's wrong?

I don't wanna talk about it,

but as far as the vase
is concerned,

I want you to know
I intend to replace it.

What vase?

The one your mother gave you
for your anniversary.

What?

Oh, dear.

Esmeralda. Now...
Now, stop that.

The truth is Darrin never
really did like that vase.

He didn't?

Eh, no.

I hated it.

I'm glad.

How did it get broken?

There was water
from the flowers in it

and I used it to put out
the living room curtain

and it just slipped
out of my hand.

Put out the curtain?

It was on fire?

No.

It was just smoking a little bit

from where the dinosaur
had scorched it.

DARRIN:
Dinosaur?

Esmeralda, how did a dinosaur
get into our living room?

And I know I'm going
to be sorry I asked.

Well, you know Tabitha's
little friend, Diana,

from down the street?

Mm-hm.

Tabitha was teasing her,

and I told her she was
making Diana sore,

and that's how it happened.

[CHUCKLES]

Diana sore.

Oh.

Di-na-saur.
Ah, ah.

Mm-hm.

[♪]

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

[♪]

Oh.

I'm sorry I barged
in on you this way.

Believe me, this is the last
place in the world

I'd pick to come back to.

You've been here
before? When?

I'd rather not talk about it.

What happened here?

Well...

Have you noticed how that
tower leans a little?

Yes, I-I noticed
it in passing. Why?

Who do you think did it?

You?

Y-You're responsible for the...?
For the Leaning Tower?

Are you sure?

Oh, Samantha,

when you pull a goof like that,
you don't forget it.

Of course, I was just
a girl at the time.

I couldn't have been
more than 100.

Bonano had a fit.

Who?

Bonano Pisano,
the man who built the Tower.

We were engaged.

Until I made the Tower lean.

After that,
he wouldn't even talk to me.

Aw.

Oh, what a temper.

Sam?
Hm?

They're going to be here
any minute.

Now, unless Esmeralda
has some ideas

on how to promote
Count Bracini's olive oil

in the United States,

I'd appreciate your
getting rid of her.

Oh, Darrin, I can't send
her back to baby-sit.

She's too depressed.

Depressed?
She's downright dangerous.

Please, let her stay.

Just until I can
restore her confidence.

If you can do it before Larry
gets here with the count, okay.

I don't know whether I told you,

Darrin brought his wife along.
She's a charming girl.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Esmeralda,
what are you doing here?

Good grief.

Hi, Larry.

Look who dropped in.

I'm looking.

I'm looking.

Count Bracini, may I
present Mrs. Stephens?

[BOTH SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

You know Darrin, of course.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

And this is a friend
of the family, Esmeralda.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[ROMANTIC MANDOLIN PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

I'm sorry. I'm afraid my
Italian's a little rusty.

I haven't used it in over 800...

SAM:
Esmeralda.

Uh, the count would
like you to go with us

to see the sights.

Me? Really?

Si, si.

But I insist.

Oh. Eh. Uh-uh.

Uh, Esmeralda, you're not
gonna do anything foolish.

I can't help it.

Come with me
for a moment, count.

Larry.
What?

DARRIN:
Over here.

LARRY:
I thought she was home

with the kids.

Well, she...
She was. She was.

But she needed a vacation,
so she flew over.

LARRY: Just make sure
she doesn't show up

on your expense account.

I-I wanted to tell you
how terrific.

I-I think your olive oil is.

I just use it on everything.

Is it a secret?

No. No. A-And
it certainly won't be

when-when Darrin gets
his new campaign started.

We'd better get back
to the count.

[♪]

[CHUCKLES]

And I'm looking forward to...

Did you see that?

See-See what?

What happened to her?

Oh, Did-did she look

for a minute
like she wasn't here?

Yes.
Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, that's Esmeralda for you.

The dear girl's
so shy and retiring.

BRACINI:
That is indeed very shy.

Young lady,

to be shy in this day and age

is a thing to be cherished.

Never lose it.

Shall we all go?
All?

But of course.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

BRACINI:
At the last measurement

the Tower was
17 feet out of line,

but why the Tower leans
we don't really know.

They say that Bonano Pisano,
the first builder,

did it purposely
to gain attention to his work.

Ha.

You are familiar
with the history

of the Leaning Tower?

Am I familiar with it?

Well, let me put it this way.

No.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Esmeralda has such
a sly sense of humor.

Oh, a joke. I see.

What was the joke?

Now, who are the brave ones who
are going to climb the Tower?

Oh, well, I think
we're all up to that.

Not me. Once is enough.

You've been to the Tower before?

When was that?

Back in the beginning...
Of last year.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

I think the signorina and I

have a better chance
to get acquainted.

Shall we go to the café
for a little tête-à-tête?

Tête-à-tête.
I'd love some.

It's my favorite Italian dish.

Ha-ha-ha.
Esmeralda, you're a riot.

I see. A joke.

What was the joke?

You will do me the honor
of having dinner with me.

Now? Before lunch?

Che buffa,
she never stops, does she?

No. With her
it's buffa, buffa, buffa

all day long.

Speaking of lunch,
after you climb the Tower,

you will join us in the café?

Well, actually, I've been
to the top of the Tower, so I...

I think I'll go with you.

Me too.
So long, Larry.

Well, wait a minute.
All this talk of climbing

has given me
a terrific appetite.

[CHUCKLES]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Count.

If you'll excuse us,
we'll go out on the patio.

Okay.

I don't understand
these Europeans.

Before talking business

he insists
he takes us sightseeing.

We didn't even get a chance
to talk to him at lunch.

Well, the Italians
don't like to rush things.

No wonder Rome
wasn't built in a day.

Well, Esmeralda,
you certainly hit the jackpot.

Two dates
on your first day here.

I know.
Isn't it awful?

I think it's terrific.

You're getting
your confidence back.

After all, the count
promised us a half an hour

when he comes to pick
Esmeralda up for dinner.

Big deal.

What are we gonna do
in the meantime?

Let's turn on TV and see
what the Italians are doing

in the way of TV commercials.

Never mind the commercials.

See if you can find
a Sophia Loren movie.

I feel...

I feel as though
I could do anything.

And you know what
I'd like to start with?

That goof.

My first and my worst.

Well, Esmeralda, I think
it's a little late for that.

Sam?

I'll be right back.

It's never too late.

Larry has a good idea.

He wants Esmeralda to be late
getting ready for her date.

My heart is light My spirit sore.

Maybe we can stretch

our half-hour business
discussion into an hour.

Tower that leans.

Lean no more.

Uh, I'll talk to her.

Esmeralda,

what are you doing?
You know you're not...

I did it.
I did it.

I'm cured.
Shh!

Yeah. You're cured.
And I'm sick.

[♪]

[g*nshots ON TV]

Do you think Mr. Stephens
will be mad about what I did?

Only if he finds out about it.

Oh.

Esmeralda, you put that
tower back the way it was

before the whole town wigs out.

Which I'm sure it already has.

Well, wouldn't they rather have
a tower that stands straight?

Esmeralda.

Thousands and thousands
of people

come here to see the Tower lean.

If it were straight.

Pisa would be just another place

with a nice church.

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[HORN HONKS]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[CAR CRASHING]

[MAN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN ON TV]

[WOMAN SPEAKING
IN ITALIAN ON TV]

What is that all about?

I don't know.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Something about
the Leaning Tower.

Some kind of emergency.

You know, in Italian,

everything sounds
like an emergency.

Even when I finally
do something right,

it turns out wrong.

Now, look, just sit down
and concentrate.

Now.

How did you make that tower
lean in the first place?

I...

Well, I used to bring Bonano
his lunch every day

and it seems to me that I...

Oh, dear, I just don't remember.

Try.

Do you think it's easy
to remember something

you've been trying to forget
for hundreds of years?

Well, let's see.

It has something to do

with bringing Bonano his lunch.

I know. I know.

I'll send you back to that time.

Sort of a re-enactment
of the crime.

Oh.

I-I mean incident.

Well, I couldn't
possibly go alone.

What if I got
stuck back in time?

Although, it couldn't
be worse than the present.

Okay, I'll go with you.

DARRIN:
Sam?

Did you see what
happened to the Tower?

Probably due to a tremor.

You know something?
We're never going to be able

to talk business with the count
while this is going on.

Larry, don't you feel
like a drink?

I certainly do.

Sam?

Mm-hm?

Am I correct in assuming
what I'm assuming?

[WHINES]

Well, I'm afraid so,

but I think I have the solution.

What's that?

Esmeralda and I

are going for a little walk.

Where?

Down memory lane.

Now, you go and have
a drink with Larry.

But...
We'll be back in a minute.

Now, we have no time to lose.
Oh.

Come on. You ready?

No, but let's go anyway.

Well, first, we'll need
some traveling clothes.

[♪]

Sam, it's just beautiful.

There's nothing like
old-fashioned clothes.

And, oh, you look lovely.
Yeah, well, thank you.

Now, that's enough.
That's enough.

Time and tide Wind and sea.

Back to Bonano's age go we.

Master builder Cursed by fate.

Esmeralda's ancient date

[♪]

There he is.

Hello, Bonano.

I'm busy. Just leave
my lunch on the scaffold.

Aren't you even going
to say hello?

Hello.

He's not much
of a talker, is he?

Ah, well, well, well.

I didn't know that
you brought company.

Just like old times.

I am Bonano Pisano.

Master builder.

I am famous throughout Italy.

I am a genius.

My work is half my life.

Well, if this is the other half,
forget it.

How about joining me for lunch?

What did you bring?

Well, I didn't have
a chance to get it.

What would you like?

Mm. A couple of those
Tower specials of yours.

Roast beef, Swiss cheese
and turkey. You will love it.

Be sure and make
the roast beef lean.

Right.

One Tower and make it lean.

[EARTH RUMBLING]

I'm ruined.

What will I tell everybody?

Maybe they won't notice.

Come on, we gotta fly.

Believe me, trying to talk
to Count Bracini now

is like trying to do business
during an earthquake.

The man simply
isn't in the mood to...

[DOORBELL DINGS]

DARRIN: Oh, Count Bracini, we
were just talking about you.

I'm afraid I have but a moment.

I come to explain
to the signorina

why I cannot have
dinner with her

and to say goodbye.
You're leaving?

Yes. I am flying to Rome.

I've a meeting with
the Minister of the Interior

concerning the Tower.
Now, gentlemen,

I know I have neglected
our business together

and for this, I apologize.

Oh, that's perfectly all right.

And where is Esmeralda?
SAM: Here she is.

Signorina,
I am obliged to go to Rome.

I wish to say goodbye
and to express my...

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

It's leaning!

DARRIN:
Well, how about that?

How can that be?

Whatever straightened it,
obviously made it lean again.

Well, that's my guess too.

So now that everything
is straightened out

or rather now that it's back
to not being straight,

can we sit down
and talk about your account?

Impossible.
Why?

Who knows how the Tower
has suffered

from the result
of these changes?

It doesn't look like
it's suffering to me.

Not half as much as I am.

I must go to the mayor's
office immediately

and discuss with the city
engineers. Excuse me.

[SIGHS]

You know something?

I'm beginning to wish I'd never
heard of the Leaning Tower.

I've been wishing
that for 800 years.

What?

Uh, what she means is that...

Is that when you're depressed

life just seems that long.

Oh.

Now, what have you got to say?

Uh, h-how about, um:

Hello, Esmeralda.

Arrivederci, Pisa.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

[♪]

[♪]

Esmeralda, you have simply
got to stop blaming yourself.

There are some things
that are beyond our control.

Everything's beyond my control.

I'd be better off just giving up

and turning myself
into something harmless.

Maybe a bird.

Or a zebra.

I've always looked
good in stripes.

With your luck, you'd probably
wind up a zebra with feathers.

Then you agree?

No. No, I didn't
mean that. I just...

Sam, the count's back.
He just drove up.

The news is terrifico.
The Tower's okay?

Yes. The engineers
have checked,

and the Tower
is as strong as ever.

Oh, did you hear that, Sam?

Did you hear that, Esmeralda?

But what is really stupendous

is the reaction
around the world.

The interest, the concern,

headlines in all the newspapers,

and they predict
that our tourism

will double in the coming year.

Well. So, actually, it was
all a blessing, wasn't it?

Exactly.

Oh, that's terrifico.

See? Your Italian's
coming back.

Si.

[CHUCKLES]

Now can we sit down
and talk business?

Business?
At a time like this?

Of course not.
We are going to celebrate.

There is a party at my house.

Come, cara mia.

Oh.

Well, we might
as well join them.

Yeah, but what
are we celebrating?

Oh, did you see the look
in Esmeralda's eyes?

I'm so happy for her.

Do you see the look in my eyes?

Oh, yes.

The left one does look
a wee bit angry

so I think I'll just ignore
that one for the time being.

[GIGGLES]

Buffa, buffa?

[♪]