08x20 - Tabitha's First Day at School

[bunniefuu]

Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Sam, the doorbell.

What do you suppose I do

when you're not home
to sound the alarm?

Mrs. Stephens?
Yes.

My name is Maude Hickman.

I'm with the Board of Education.

Oh. Come in.

Thank you.

Oh, sw... Sweetheart?

Uh, this is Mr. Stephens.

This is Mrs. Hickman.

She's with
the Board of Education.

Oh.

It has come to our attention
that you have a child

of school age
who is not enrolled in school.

It's true.

Tabitha isn't in school,

but I've been tutoring her
at home.

Oh, I see.

And what are your
qualifications?

Do you have a teaching
certificate?

No. But I have
a birth certificate.

SAMANTHA:
Tabitha's.

It says that I'm her mother.

And I think those are pretty
good qualifications.

But you have no formal training.

As a mother?

You can make jokes if you like,

but this is a serious matter.

You're in violation of the law,
you know.

It's just that our little girl
is unique.

She's not your
run-of-the-mill child.

She has special talents,
and we...

I did not come here to debate
with you, Mrs. Stephens.

Your child must be registered
in school at once.

If she is not,

a court order will be issued
directing you to do so.

Is that clear?

Yes, ma'am.

Good day.

Mrs. Hickman?
Yes?

I'd like to ask you something.
Oh?

How did you find out
Tabitha wasn't in school?

We have our ways.

Is one of them spying?

I would say

that getting the child
out of this house

for most of the day

is probably the best thing
that could happen to her.

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

Sam, are you out of your tree?

Well, I'm sorry.

But she made me furious and
I had to get it off my chest.

Terrific. Now will you
kindly get it off her...

Okay, okay.

And now that
the high jinks are over,

what are we gonna do about this?

I have a simple solution.

Oh? What's that?

We don't have any other choice.

I will enroll Tabitha
in school today.

Is Tabitha ready for school?

Of course she's ready
for school.

The question is,
is school ready for Tabitha?

ANNOUNCER:

[♪]

[♪]

Tabitha, do you remember
the promise you made

to Daddy and me?

How could I forget?

You made me say it
a hundred times.

I know, and I'm sorry,
sweetheart.

But it's for your sake
just as much as it is ours.

Okay, Mommy.

I'm to pay attention
to the teacher,

and I'm not supposed to fly.

No witchcraft of any kind.

Okay, Mommy.

All right.

MRS. PEABODY: Children, Mrs.
Peabody's trying to concentrate.

Hold it down, please.

Excuse me.

Not now.
Back to your group.

Well, we don't have a group yet.

Please forgive me.

You're Mrs. Stephens, right?

And this is Tabitha.

I'm Mrs. Peabody.

I was a little surprised
when the office called.

Class is nearly half over.

I know, but they told us
to get started immediately.

I see. Well, Tabitha,
this is activities period.

So why don't you
join the terrarium group?

What's a terrarium?

Terrarium is that t*nk
right over there

where we keep the turtles
and the frogs and the lizards.

Oh.

Thank you for bringing her in.

Um. Would it be all right
if I stayed a while?

Stayed? You mean in class?

Oh, no. That's very poor,
psychologically.

We don't wanna set up
a dependency pattern.

Uh, we don't?

Well, you see,

this is Tabitha's first
school experience,

and I just thought...

I can understand your
apprehension, Mrs. Stephens,

but it would be better
if you didn't stay.

The trouble is,
Tabitha's a very unusual child

and it might take her a little
while to get adjusted.

Mrs. Stephens,
through the years,

I have learned that no child
is essentially different

from any other child.

Uh. Yeah, well, uh,

Tabitha is unusual

in a very unusual way.

Believe me, you haven't a thing
to worry about.

What kind of a dumb name
is Tabitha?

It's not a dumb name.

How come I've never
heard it before?

Because you never met
anyone named Tabitha.

[GIRLS LAUGH]

Charlton Rollnick Jr.,
you stop that.

A real problem child.
Fortunately, my only one.

Ha, ha.
You're lucky you only have one.

I hope it stays that way.

[FROGS CROAKING]

Oh, um.

Will Tabitha take the bus,
or will she walk home?

Well, we only live
a few blocks away

but maybe the first day,
I should pick her up.

Fine, and don't you worry
about a thing.

I'll try.

All right, everybody.
Activities period is over.

Back to your seats.

Back so soon?

I'm sorry. I was, uh...

I was wondering.

Maybe it would be better
to let Tabitha walk home.

We don't want to set up
any dependency pattern.

That's up to you.

I'll just tell her.

I'll tell her.

Tabitha, come here.

Class, this is Tabitha Stephens.

Say hello to Tabitha.

ALL:
Hello, Tabitha.

And this is Tabitha's mother,
Mrs. Stephens.

Say goodbye to Mrs. Stephens.

ALL:
Goodbye, Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, that's all right.
I can take a hint.

A school doesn't have
to fall on me.

Now, let's see.

Not much choice.
Tabitha, take that desk.

Yes, Mrs. Peabody.

[FROG CROAKS]

Tomorrow morning,
we're going to give you

your books and your crayons.

Thank you.

[CROAKS]

MRS. PEABODY: Now I'm going
to continue reading to you

from Alice's Adventures
in Wonderland.

[FROG CROAKS]

Apparently, one of you has seen
fit to adopt our bullfrog.

Will the adoptive parent
please stand up?

[CROAKING]

Tabitha, did you take
the bullfrog?

No, ma'am.

[CROAKS]

Tabitha, there are lots
of rules in this school.

But first and foremost,
we do not tell a lie.

I didn't lie.

Tabitha, put the frog
back where it belongs.

Yes, ma'am.

[CROAKS]

Now, you remember,

we left Alice

just as she arrived
at the mad tea party.

Ow!

Apparently, we have a budding
opera star in our midst.

Who was responsible for that?

Tabitha, haven't you been taught
not to interrupt someone

when they're speaking?

She certainly has.

Has Tabitha been misbehaving?

I think it's just

that she's not acquainted
with our procedures yet.

You stop that, or I'll tell.

Just stop that whispering
and settle down.

I, uh, suppose you're wondering
why I came back.

Frankly, yes.

Well, I was thinking,

maybe it would be better
if Tabitha came home on the bus.

Whatever you say.

[BUZZING] Ah!

Just what's going on back there?

Her hair.
When I pulled it, I got a shock.

MRS. PEABODY: I don't know
what you're babbling about.

But what business
did you have pulling her hair?

Just because.

Just because of that, you'll
stay after school tomorrow.

I'll send a note home
to your parents.

MRS. PEABODY: And speaking of
parents, I thought you'd left.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry.
I won't be back.

Don't go to extremes.

We like to see you
on Parents' Day.

And you're right.

It would be better
if Tabitha walked home.

Bye-bye.

[BELL RINGS]

Class dismissed.

Just because of you,
I have to stay after school.

You'd better let go of me.

What if I don't, huh?
What if I don't?

You'll see, you big bully.

Me? Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Maybe not, but you're going
to love eating them, you...

You big bully frog.

[CROAKS]

And don't forget the...

Tabitha. You're the first
frog freak I've ever met.

So I'm not just sure
how to deal with you.

But let's begin by putting
the frog back in the terrarium.

But this frog
isn't the frog you think it is.

Tabitha, the terrarium.

[CROAKS]

You heard me, Tabitha.

Put that frog back
where it belongs.

But, honest,
this frog isn't really a frog.

The frog isn't really a frog?

I mean, he's a frog,
but he really isn't.

Oh, stop this nonsense
and put that frog back.

Yes, ma'am.

Tabitha, I realize
this hasn't been

a very good first day for you.

But I'm perfectly aware that
it isn't entirely your fault.

Tabitha, will you look at me
when I'm speaking to you?

I'm sorry.

You're the product
of an overprotective mother.

And I just wish...

Never mind.

My mommy's gonna wonder
where I am.

I'd better run. Goodbye.

Well, I must say
I admire your cool.

It's only a five-minute walk
from our house to school,

which let out 15 minutes ago.

Darrin,
you're being overly concerned.

As a matter of fact,
here comes Tabitha now.

How do you know?

How does she know?
Oh, boy, I'm really wigging out.

Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy.

Oh, hi, honey.
How was school?

Oh, it's still there.

You see? I told you there was
nothing to be worried about.

Well, I'd better, uh,
get back to work.

Mommy, can I go play outside?

Oh, sure. You want a snack?
Some milk and cookies?

Yes, thank you. In a minute.

[FROG CROAKING]

Charlton, you're
just being stubborn.

I'm trying to change you back.

Tabitha,
where did you get that frog?

Mommy, you'll never guess
what happened.

Is that frog who I think he is?

You're smart, Mommy.

You only needed one guess.
It's Charlton.

I thought you said you were
gonna try and control yourself.

I tried and tried, honest.

But Charlton grabbed me
after class

and he kept twisting my arm
and hurting me,

so what could I do?

You could have
punched him in the nose

or kicked him in the shins.

Anything would have been
more ladylike.

The trouble is,
I can't change him back.

What are we going to do?

Well, the first thing we're
going to do is not panic.

The second thing
is call Charlton's mother.

She's probably worried sick.
Come on.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah, hello?

Uh. Hello? Mrs. Rollnick?

Yeah. Who's this?

This is Mrs. Stephens.

My little girl, Tabitha,

is in the same class
as your Charlton.

Okay. Whatever he did to her,
I'm sorry.

Uh, no. No, no,
that's not why I'm calling.

He and Tabitha
were having such fun

that Tabitha brought him
here after school.

That darn kid. He knows he's
supposed to come straight home.

He's got a piano lesson at 3:30.

He'll do anything
to get out of it.

Well, in that case,
I'd be glad to drive him home.

No, no, I'll pick him up.

MRS. ROLLNICK:
What's your address there?

1164 Morning Glory Circle.

1164.

But really, I'd be happy to...

Forget it, forget it.

I'll pick him up in 10 minutes.
Goodbye.

Tabitha, we have to work fast.

Now, Charlton's mother is coming
to pick him up in 10 minutes.

Now, I want you to tell me
everything that happened,

step by step,
and don't leave out a thing.

Well, after I changed Charlton
into a bullfrog,

Mrs. Peabody made me put him in
with the other frogs.

Then, later,
when she wasn't looking...

That's it.
You picked up the wrong frog.

Oh, Mommy,
you solved the whole problem.

Huh. Certainly, I have.

When Charlton's mother comes,

all I have to do is explain
to her that her son, the frog,

is safe in the terrarium
at school.

Meanwhile, she can take
this one home as a receipt.

That's silly, Mommy.

You're darn right, it's silly.

You look upset.

I couldn't possibly look
as upset as I am.

But we haven't got time
to discuss it now.

[FROG CROAKS]

No wonder Tabitha
couldn't tell you apart.

You're as alike
as two frogs in a terrarium.

Well, I'm sorry, Charlton.

But you did ask for it.

What are you doing in here?

Exchanging frogs.

Wait a minute. Where are you
going with that frog?

That's school property.

Um. No. Not really.

You see, my little girl
is in this class,

and she left her pet frog.

And when I heard about it,

instead of leaving the poor
fellow here all night,

I thought I'd just come
and get him.

So you see, he really isn't
school property.

You follow me?

No.

But that's not the only thing
I don't understand.

How did you get in here?

Through the door.

But... But the door was locked.

Let me ask you something.

When was the last time
you had your glasses checked?

I don't wear glasses.

Well, you should.

Then maybe you'd
stop seeing things.

Excuse me.

[SNAPS]

Where'd she...?

No question.

I gotta get me some glasses.

And a good psychiatrist.

Hi, I'm Mrs. Rollnick.
Uh, who?

Oh, uh, you must be
Charlton's mother.

Right.
Who's Charlton?

We weren't expecting you
quite so soon.

Who's Charlton?

Well, when I take Charlton
to his piano lesson,

I always have to allow
a little extra time

for kicking and screaming.

Where is he?
Well, he's...

Who's Charlton?

Well, sweetheart, he's a little
friend of Tabitha's,

uh, that she brought home
from school.

They're out back, playing.

SAMANTHA: I'll get him.
Sam.

What?
May I speak to you a moment?

When?

Now.

Oh.

Excuse me, Mrs. Rollnick.

Uh. Make yourself comfortable.

Thank you.

Sam, Tabitha did not come home
with a little boy.

Darrin, you picked a most
inopportune moment

to bring that up.

Sam, I did not see
a little boy with Tabitha.

That's because she had him
in her pocket.

I know this is gonna be
a silly question,

but wouldn't that
be a tight squeeze?

Not if you've been turned
into a frog.

[CROAKS]

I knew that was
a silly question.

I think I'll go in the den
and watch my ulcer grow.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Rollnick.
I'll get Charlton now.

Oh, thanks. He's no bargain,
but he's the only one we've got.

He's probably hiding.
That's what he's doing.

He'll do anything
to get out of his piano lesson.

I think I can find him.

Don't waste your time.
I know how to smoke him out.

[YELLS] Charlton Rollnick!

If you don't come out
this very second

you're not gonna watch
any TV for three weeks,

your allowance
is gonna be cut in half,

and you're gonna have to take
two baths this week!

Uh. Y-Y-You mind if I try?

Be my guest.

Charlton's mother sure is mean,
isn't she?

I'm sure she has her problems.

All right, now, Tabitha,
do your thing.

You know, if I were Charlton,
I think I'd rather stay a frog.

Well, you're not, so the choice
isn't yours. Go ahead.

How do you feel, Charlton?

[CROAKS]

Oh, my stars.

Tabitha, you didn't put
quite enough zip in that zap.

Oh.

You found him, huh?

How have you been,
you little devil?

[CROAKS]

Don't you get fresh
with your mother.

What are you trying to do,

embarrass me in front
of these nice people?

[CROAKS]

Did you ever hear
such insolence?

Wait till your father hears
about this. Now let's go.

Oh. I... I'm sure he didn't
mean to be insolent.

Barking at his mother
like a frog?

What do you call that?
Well, he knows you're angry.

Maybe he was just trying
to amuse you.

Charlton?

Huh? What happened? Where am I?

MRS. ROLLNICK: Charlton, will
you quit stalling and come on?

All right, Charlton,
where were you?

I was a bullfrog.

I'm serious. Where were you?

I was a bullfrog.

MRS. ROLLNICK: All right, how
did you become a bullfrog?

She made me one.

Charlton, you've always
been a rotten kid,

except for one thing. You never
lied. Now, where were you?

I was a bullfrog.

Why does he keep saying that?

Well, uh,

maybe it's a case
of ego identification.

Yeah. What's that?

Well, a bullfrog suggests bully,
doesn't it?

Yes.

Do you follow me?

No.

Uh. Children need love
and understanding.

Without it, they sometimes
become overly aggressive

and turn into bullies.

Ah.

Charlton, did you really think
you were a bullfrog?

I was a bullfrog.

Love and understanding,
Mrs. Rollnick.

All right. Charlton, dear,
say goodbye

and thank you to these nice
people for having you over

and then I've got a nice
surprise for you.

Thank you for inviting me over.

What's the surprise?

Well, first, you can forget
about your piano lesson.

Really?

And second, we're gonna stop
at the ice cream parlor

and get you a great big
hot-fudge sundae

with almonds on top.

And flies?

Flies?

Oh, ha, ha.
That's very funny, Charlton.

He has a delightful
sense of humor.

He does?
Oh, yeah, he does, doesn't he?

[LAUGHING] Okay.

Well, goodbye. It was
a pleasure meeting you all.

Bye. Say goodbye.

Well, we squeaked by that one.

What about the flies?

Oh, I'm sure that'll wear off
by tomorrow. In the meantime,

Mrs. Rollnick can keep enjoying.

Charlton's delightful
sense of humor.

Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

Young lady,
you have nothing to laugh about.

You started this whole mess.

Now, how are we gonna deal
with you?

I have an idea.

What's that?

How about a little love
and understanding?

Why is it
that I feel like the fox

that's been cornered
by the chicken?

[LAUGHS]

[♪]