08x22 - George Washington Zapped Here: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Hi, this is Elizabeth Montgomery

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

[♪]

Which would be better
to take to school?

The buckle from
George Washington's shoe

or the button from his coat?

I think you better
leave them both here.

They're much too valuable.

NARRATOR: A simple
request, a simple refusal.

That should have been
the end of it.

But Esmeralda was babysitting,

the sometime maid
and the all-time goof-up.

If Tabitha couldn't have
the real buckle and button,

Esmeralda would zap them
out of the book.

Instead, she got
the whole picture.

Get the picture?

Samantha and Darrin
were kept busy

entertaining
their distinguished visitor,

but the father of his country
was getting restless.

So when Samantha's back
was turned,

he decided to inspect
the state of the neighborhood

and got himself involved

in listening and making
political speeches.

By the time Samantha
had caught up with him,

the father of our country
was being arrested

for disturbing the peace.

Bail was posted

and George was returned
to Darrin's custody

to await a court hearing.

And Esmeralda finally
remembered the incantation

to send George Washington
back where he came from.

Did she succeed?
You bet your boots she did.

Or rather, shoes.

Washington's shoes,
which got left behind.

What's a general
without his shoes, right?

So Esmeralda tried to return
them to the general.

She goofed, and guess
what returned instead.

Right, the general.
Who is the lady?

That's no lady, that's his wife.

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

Martha, may I present our hosts:

Master and Mistress Stephens.

George, forgive me for not
believing your fanciful tale.

I should have known
you could never tell a lie.

How do you do?
DARRIN: How do you do?

Who is the magician
responsible for all this?

Me. But I'm no magician.
I'm just a rotten witch.

Oh, Esmeralda, y-you had
an unfortunate accident.

I'd call it more
of a cr*ck-up.

Darrin.

Ah, Mr. President,
I assure you.

Esmeralda will find
a way to send you back.

We're in no hurry.

I've told Martha so much

about the wonders
of the 20th century.

Perhaps Mistress Stephens

will be good enough
to show you about.

I would like to have
a few private words

with Master Stephens.

E-Esmeralda, while I'm showing
Mrs. Washington around,

you better put on
your thinking cap

and try to remember that spell.

Why? The president just said
he's in no hurry.

Esmeralda.
Oh, dear.

Don't yell at her
like that or she'll...

She did.
Did you see that?

That's nothing.

Wait till you see
the miracles in the kitchen.

Oh, now you've done it.
She's gone.

She's our only link
with the past.

Without her, you can't get back.

That is precisely what I wish
to discuss with your husband.

I'd love to see your kitchen.

Oh. This way.

[♪]

Master Stephens. Heh-heh.

I can't tell you how happy
I am to be among you.

Please don't misunderstand,
Mr. President.

It's not that we don't enjoy
your company, but...

I realize I am somewhat
of an embarrassment to you,

but I would be considerably more
of an embarrassment to everyone

if I failed to come
to that hearing.

Oh, forget about the hearing,
Mr. President.

I'll forfeit the bail.
I can afford it.

But my reputation cannot.

I did not force the evacuation
of the British from Boston

by running from battle.

But this is not 1776.

A coward is a coward in any age.

No, Master Stephens.

If I have violated
some rule concerning

free speech or assembly,

I will defend myself.

However, I will rely
upon your advice

as to my deportment in court.

What is this?

Oh, well, uh,
that's a dishwasher.

You see, you, uh,
put the dirty dishes in here

and then you turn it on.

And then later
it stops by itself

and you, uh, take out
the clean dishes.

Oh. Heh.

Oh, you have two dishwashers?

No, no,
that's a washer-dryer.

It does the same thing
with clothes,

as the dishwasher
does with dishes.

A great step forward
for mankind, I suppose.

Well, for womankind, really.

You don't approve, do you?

Oh, I don't know.

I remember, as a young wife

my great pride in the snowy
whiteness of my linens.

Oh, nowadays,
snowy white comes in a box.

Hm. And the sweet smell
of sun-dried sheets?

Eventually, somebody will figure
out a way to package that too.

[LAUGHING] Oh, I hope not.

Well, have you been
properly amazed, Martha?

Mr. President,
I have been amazed.

Mrs. Washington
has convinced me

that we haven't learned
much in 200 years.

Oh, now, now,
Mrs. Stephens,

George will think
I've been rude.

I would never think
that, my dear.

Well, shall we retire?

This time change
has made me weary.

Are we staying?

Till after the hearing tomorrow.
What hearing?

I'll tell you in bed.

At least the bed
has not gone out of fashion.

Oh, no. It's more popular
than ever.

The guest room
is at the top of the stairs.

We'll find our way.
Thank you.

ALL:
Good night.

You know something, Sam?
That's a great man.

And the privilege of knowing him
makes me glad Esmeralda goofed.

Oh, well, it's sweet of you
to look at it that way.

Now, get that goof-up back,
because right after the hearing

I want those two
gently zapped out of here.

[♪]

Oh, Sam, George and Martha
are already down for breakfast.

I know. I know.

Any luck getting Esmeralda?

I've been trying.

Oh, well, all right,
I'll try some more.

Aries, Gemini and Taurus
Blend your voices into chorus.

Sing out the name of Esmeralda.

Libra, Scorpio and Pisces.

These are the times
That are known as crises.

ESMERALDA:
Okay, okay.

But if you holler at me,
I'll just pop out again.

No, he's not going
to holler at you.

Where have you been?

He's hollering.

No, he isn't hollering.

He's just been worried
about you.

Yeah?

Well, I've been on Pluto,
brooding.

Oh, well, if you'd brooded here,

we wouldn't have been
so worried about you.

I can't be trusted
near decent people.

Yeah, well, just forget that
and try and remember the spell.

I have remembered it.
So shall I send them back?

No.

Do you mean to tell me I've done
that brooding for nothing?

Uh, no. No, we want you
to send them back,

but not until after the hearing.

Oh, well, then, why don't you
get out of my kitchen?

Breakfast will be ready
in a few minutes.

Thank you.
Mr. President, Mrs. Washington.

How did you folks
sleep last night?

Not too well.

Martha was kept awake
by the big birds.

Uh, the big what?
Birds.

The make the most monstrous
roar as they fly by.

It's frightening.

We're sorry
if you were disturbed.

The neighborhood's
on their flight pattern.

What species are they?

They're called turbo jetus.

They're very common
and completely harmless.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

Good morning. Mr. President.

Good morning.
Why, thank you.

Good morning, Sam.
Larry, what are you doing here?

Why, I came to drive Darrin
to work.

He knows how to drive.

Larry, is there
some special reason why

you wanted me to drive with you?

Yes, my seat belt's broken

and I want you
to hold me in the car.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Plus, we have an meeting
with the Whirlaway people,

and I thought we could
go over some ideas en route.

Well, w-why don't
you go ahead?

H-he'll be there in a bit.
We were just having breakfast.

Thanks, Sam. I could
use a cup of coffee.

But...

Uh, L-Larry...

I'd like you to meet
some relatives of mine

from out of town.

This is Martha and George.

This is Larry Tate, a business
associate of Darrin's.

Heh-heh. How do you do?

What sort of work
do you gentlemen do?

We're in advertising.

Oh, what is advertising?

[CHUCKLES] They're really
out of this world.

Indeed, we are.

Uh, Larry, um, we have
that 10:30 meeting

with the Whirlaway people.

Oh, sure, sure. Heh.
Uh, nice meeting you folks.

Never mind the coffee, Sam. Bye.

[♪]

I-I suppose you're wondering
how I'm going to explain that.

Frankly, yes.

So am I. I mean...

Well, you see, the old guy
is a retired history professor.

His specialty
was George Washington.

I'm afraid he finally, uh,
slipped a cog.

No kidding.

Yeah. He insists on using
the name George Washington.

Wears all those old clothes.
And the wife?

Well, she does it
to humor him. It's complicated.

I'll fill you in at the office.
We don't wanna be late.

Heh. I can't help but admire
the old boy.

I say, if you have to go
out of your mind,

go out in a big way.

[LAUGHS]

Wait a minute.
I have a sensational idea.

Well, tell me on the way
to the office.

It's so obvious I'm surprised
you didn't see it.

In there is the answer.
It's brilliant.

How about Washington Whirlaway
washing machines?

A machine that bears the name
of the father of our country.

A name that stands for honesty
and truth.

We peg the concept on that.

No, no, no. Mr. Washington
wouldn't hear of it.

Just let me ask him.

No. No...

[♪]

Now, Mr. President, we would
like to ask your permission

to use your name
for an advertising concept

for Whirlaway washing machines.

We have an idea
to change the name

to Washington Whirlaway
washing machines.

I don't understand.

You wish to use my name
for a commercial venture?

Terrific.
Just the right quality.

Honesty, integrity.

Don't listen to him, sir.

This machine would bear my name?

In letters that big.

Oh, isn't that nice, George?

Larry, it lacks dignity.

What could be more dignified

than a guy playing
the father of our country?

You can't get more
dignified than that.

Listen to me, general.

You play along with us
and there's a nice royalty

in it for you.

"Royalty"?
After the revolution

they wanted to crown me
king of America.

I refused.
I do not believe in royalty.

Heh. Well, then, we'll discuss
other financial arrangements.

Does, um, this Abraham Lincoln

have a washing machine
named after him?

Not that I know of.

Oh, that's too bad.

Just what is expected of me?

To stay home and rest
for the hearing this afternoon.

This isn't going to take
a lot out of him, Sam.

We'll just prepare
a little TV copy

for him to read
to the Whirlaway people,

then we'll send him on home.

Larry, I won't let him do it.

Mr. Stephens,
you may be my host,

but if Mr. Tate
wishes to honor me

by naming a washing machine
after me,

I should return the compliment
with a visit.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Shall we go?
After you, Mr. President.

[♪]

Well, don't just stand there.
Go after them.

And don't let the father of
our country out of your sight.

Right.

[♪]

Mr. Jamieson, good to see you.
Tate.

You know Darrin Stephens?

Mr. Jamieson.
Stephens.

And this is the man
who's going to present our idea.

George Washington,
president of the United States.

I'd like you to meet
Hector Jamieson,

president of Whirlaway Products.

Jamieson. Jamieson.

There was a Corporal Jamieson
who was in my regiment

at the Battle of Long Island.

He was my grandfather's
grandfather.

He was also a coward.

He was court-martialed
and drummed out of service.

How dare you.

He was only joking,
Mr. Jamieson.

It was no joking matter.
He was standing guard duty.

Let's drop the matter for now,
huh, Mr. President?

Mr. Jamieson, please play along.
He's a bit eccentric.

A bit eccentric?

What difference does it make?
Just look at him.

He could be the reincarnation
of Washington.

Now, please, just sit down

and let us show you
what we have.

sh**t.

sh**t?

If we are to duel,
I would prefer swords.

[LAUGHS]

He means read it.

"Ladies, this is Honest George

"asking you to let a Washington
Whirlaway washing machine

"whirl away the dirt
while you wile away the time

"and your clothes
will be cleaner than clean

and whiter than white."

How could anything
be cleaner than clean

or whiter than white?

Oh, it's just a way
of saying it, Mr. President.

It doesn't make sense.
So few things do.

Heh. It's a sign
of the times.

"Then use the Whirlaway
washer, America's finest."

Is it really?

Would I lie to you,
Mr. President?

I don't know you well enough
to make that judgment.

Mr. Jamieson,

why is this America's
finest washing machine?

Is this some kind of a put-on?

Heh-heh. Mr. President, please,
just read what is written.

Not another word
until you answer my question.

After all,
if my name is to be used,

I will not have it tarnished
by falsehood.

Look, it's a darn good washer.
Now, read it.

Please.

"Superior washing machine."
"Ultra washing machine."

"Standard washing machine."

"Whirlaway washing machine."

Each one looks
very much like the others.

Each one is
very much like the others.

Then why do you give them
different names?

It's called merchandising,
Mr. President.

You see, Whirlaway builds them,

and then stores put
their own labels on them.

Whirlaway washing machine is no
better or worse than the others.

Correct.
WASHINGTON: In good conscience,

I cannot say that
Whirlaway washing machine

is better than the others.

I've had just about
enough of this.

And so have I, sir.

Yesterday I was arrested
for defending

the constitution
of the United States.

Today, I am asked in the name
of honesty to utter falsehoods.

I will not lend my name
to this deception.

Get this nut out of here.

Yeah, get this nut out of here.

With pleasure, gentlemen.

Mr. President.

[♪]

Here.

This might not make you
feel better,

but at least you'll enjoy
feeling rotten.

So we lost the account,

but somehow that doesn't
seem to bother me.

Seeing George Washington blast
Mr. Jamieson was worth it.

I'm glad he did it,

and I'm glad
we lost the account.

George, you promised to rest.
No, no, Martha.

I cannot rest until I apologize
to my host for my outburst.

No apologies necessary,
Mr. President.

This afternoon
when I go to court,

I promise to cause
as little trouble as possible.

Heh-heh.
I'm sure you will, sir.

Well, we better get going.

Oh, I'm eager to do battle.

[♪]

I was trying to be reasonable
with him, Your Honor,

when he pulled a sword on me.

Uh, Your Honor,
may I question the witness?

If you're going to act as this
gentleman's attorney, you may.

Officer Crandal,
did you examine the sword?

I don't have to examine a sword
to know it's a deadly w*apon.

[♪]

Your Honor, I give you
the People's Exhibit A.

Now, examine the edge.

That's not a fighting sword.
That's a ceremonial sword.

It couldn't cut butter.

POLICEMAN:
Your Honor, can I see that?

Now, if he had hit me
on the head with this,

the ceremony
could have been my funeral.

Your Honor,

all I can say is,
I was protecting myself

from unlawful arrest.

The citizens of this country
are endowed by their creator

with certain unalienable rights.

Among these are life, liberty
and the pursuit of happiness.

And the right of free speech.

POLICEMAN: There he goes again
with all that radical talk.

Your Honor,
I was only doing my duty.

And he was conducting
a rally without a permit.

Um, what, Officer Crandal,
in your mind,

constitutes a rally?

Addressing people
constitutes a rally.

How many? One? Two? A hundred?

There couldn't have been
more than a dozen people

standing around, chatting.

Well, he was doing
all the chatting.

They were just listening.

Well, maybe if you hadn't
come by and broken it up,

they might have chatted back.

As a matter of fact,
it was their chatting

that started him chatting.

Mister...

Uh, what shall I call you?

You may call me
President Washington, sir.

And, um, where do you come from,
president?

Virginia, sir.

Oh, yes, yes, where the father
of our country was born.

I am the father
of your country, sir.

And how did you get
into this century, president?

Providence brought me here,
Your Honor.

[WHISPERS] There, I think I answered
that question without lying.

And how do you plead?

Uh, may I answer that,
Your Honor?

Certainly.

Not guilty.

Now, Mrs. Stephens, we can't
have our citizens going around

attacking officers of the law
with swords.

Ceremonial.

Ceremonial.

Especially while masquerading
as George Washington,

which I find offensive
in itself.

I am not an impostor, sir.

Um...

Your Honor, I-I don't think
it makes any difference

whether he's George Washington
or not.

What's important
is that this gentleman

has served to remind us
of the things

that George Washington
stands for.

Oh, I'll be the first to admit
that his behavior, to some,

might seem a bit eccentric.

But what a noble
eccentricity, sir.

I mean, would you rather have
eccentrics who think they are

Benedict Arnold
or John Wilkes Booth?

Your point is well taken,
Mrs. Stephens.

The president
was merely defending

the Constitution
of the United States,

which is something
he holds very dear.

And he was acting
under his rights

of peaceful assembly
and free speech.

I rest my case.

Mrs. Stephens,
it's lamentable but true

that there are times
when in the interests

of maintaining law and order,
we...

We tend to overlook those rights

given to our citizens
by the Constitution

and the Bill of Rights.

You have quite effectively
reminded me

that this is one of those times.

Case dismissed.

[ALL SIGH, LAUGH]

Thank you, Your Honor.

[SIGHS]

Now, may I have my sword back?

Certainly, if you'll
sign this receipt.

May I ask you a question, sir?

You may, sir.

Will you continue
to be George Washington?

No man should live
beyond his time.

Therefore,
although I shall continue

to be George Washington,
for I can be no other,

I will not be
that untimely gentleman

in your gracious presence.

Well, what did he say?

He's leaving town.

Uh, Mrs. Stephens.

If he isn't George Washington,
he ought to be.

Right on.

[♪]

We want you to know that
although we enjoyed our visit,

we do feel that we've rather
overstayed our welcome.

Not at all, sir.
It was a pleasure having you.

Oh, that's very kind of you,

but George and I
must be getting back now.

Esmeralda.

Now?

[LAUGHS]

Now.
Okay.

Jive this of weary to begin.

I alive look George on come.

What is she doing?

Tsk.

She's reversing time
by reversing the spell.

Can't she say it to herself?
It sounds ridiculous.

Yeah. Uh, E-Esmeralda,
say it to yourself.

[♪]

K-keep going, Esmeralda.

Have a nice trip.

It worked, Esmeralda.

It worked. They're gone.

Gone? Without even
a "fare thee well"?

They waved.

Oh, in that case:

[LAUGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I-I'll get it.

Judge Armstrong.

I must see him at once.

Mr. President.

SAMANTHA:
Oh. He's...

He's not here.

We don't have
a forwarding address.

I'll put a tracer on him.

What's wrong?

Look, look, look.
Look at this.

It's a copy of a letter from
Washington to James Madison.

The signatures are identical.

Well, the court clerk
is a collector

of Washington memorabilia.

He claims that this signature
is authentic.

That's impossible.

Well, that's what I thought.

So we took the signature
to Judge Cramer,

who's also a collector.

He offered me $500
for the autograph.

He insists it's authentic.

You don't say.

Well, it can't be. Can it?

Well, uh, like you said,

if he isn't George Washington,

he oughta be.

[♪]

[♪]