25x06 - Credigree Weed St. Patrick's Day Special

[bunniefuu]

♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

♪ People spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪

♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪

Eat your breakfast, Stan,
you're gonna be late for school.

You told me to finish my homework!

Do both, come on guys,
we gotta get going.

Hey whoa, whoa. What
the [BLEEP] is going on?

I'm about to take
the kids to school, why?

Hello?! It's St. Patrick's day.

I know... I'm wearing green.

You guys this is Tegridy
Weed's biggest day of the year.

I need help with the
St. Patrick's Day Special.

Sorry, Randy, the kids
aren't missing school.

Come on, guys, let's go...

Okay, yeah, great, don't worry about it,

I'll do it all myself. Again.

Top O' the mornin' to ya!

This is God damn ridiculous.
Piece a sh*t family...

How's it going, Randy?

Ugh, I'm just so stressed out!

We have to make a huge profit today

or the whole year is [BLEEP].

How's the St. Patrick's Day Special?

I think it's better than last year's.

Lemme see...

Oh, wow...

Wow...

This is gonna be our best special ever!

Come on, let's get the truck loaded up!

Let's sell what we can
from our drive up booth,

and then later we can hit the Irish bar.

What the [BLEEP]?

_

Hey! Excuse me!

Oh, good morning, Randy.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh. We're, uh, doing a
St. Patrick's Day Special.

No, you're not.

Uhh, yeah. We are.

So first you steal my
idea of selling weed

and now you're stealing my idea

of doing a St. Patrick's Day Special!

Pretty sure St. Patrick's
Day wasn't your idea.

Is that right? Okay...

Game on, mother[BLEEP].

♪ Loo loo loo! It's St. Patrick's Day! ♪

♪ Looo loo loo! De doot be do! ♪

Come on Butters, time for school!

Okay, mom!

Ohhh dad, are you wearin' green
or are you gonna get a pinch?

Ha ha... I've got a green
tie on, you little rascal!

And I'm wearing a green scarf!

Okay! Well someone's
gettin a pinch today!

Hey, Clyde! You got your green on!

Hey Jimmy! Nice green pants!

Tee-hee! Te hee hee hee!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, fellas!

- Hey, Butters.
- You guys all look very festive!

Yeah, it's super fun.
St. Patrick's Day rules.

Oh, I hope they put green
food coloring in our milk

at lunchtime again like last year!

Uh-oh!

Hey, Kelly-Ann! What's going on?

What do you mean?

Looks like someone
forgot what day it was!

Ha ha! Pi-i-i-i-nch!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to do
anything wrong, honest!

Do you know what sexual as*ault is?

I'm so sorry! Please!

It's just... Well, she had it comin'

on account of the way she was dressed!

Ohhh!

Wow, kid, wow!

Alright. Take this
shithead to the station

and book him for sexual
as*ault of a minor.

Oh, jeez, I didn't know
Kelly-Ann was a minor!

Well, she didn't have a mining helmet

or a pick axe or anything!

Okay, looks like
you assaulted a nine year old girl...

No prior history... as*ault took
place at an elementary school.

But... But, sir, it's St. Patrick's Day.

Look, I know!
It's St. Patrick's Day, right?

If people don't wear
green, they get pinched!

Yes! Right!

Yeah... Only one problem.

The little girl you
pinched? Kelly-Ann Barlow?

She was wearing green socks.

You're a g*dd*mn sexual predator.

Don't let him jack off in here!

These types always mess up my jail!

Welcome, everyone, welcome.

Thank you for coming to Credigree Farms!

Randy, we all see you behind the bush.

Everyone sees you.

Oh. Uh...

A very happy mornin', everybody!

And a foine
St. Patrick's Day to all of ye.

I don't know if ya noohticed.

But, uh, there's a farm
across the street

selling weed also...

And the owner is actually
par-cent Irish!

So, obviously, you're upset

that you don't seem
to have any customers.

What I'm upset about

is a wee little thing called
"cultural appropriation".

Ever heard of it?

That's why we can't wear
sombreros on Cinco de Mayo.

Why we can't dress like
Indians on Halloween.

What's your point?

I'm looking at my point,
you r*cist son of a bitch.

You have no right to wear that stuff.

It is offensive.

Come on, guys!

St. Patrick's Day is the one
day of the year we have left

where we can actually
celebrate being white.

Any other day that we tried
to be proud of our culture,

we would get immediately
cancelled by Twitter!

And yet for some reason,
you're all over here,

buying your weed from
someone who is fine

mocking our customs and traditions.

Maybe they're here because
my St. Patrick's Day Special

is better than yours.

Okay, yeah...

Yeah, let's arrest the white leprechaun.

Cuz, you know, can't have one day

for a mostly white culture, right?

Don't wanna get cancelled.

I guess don't arrest him
for cultural appropriations?

Guess... Guess that
only works one way, huh?

- Leopold Stotch?
- Yes?

I'm the public defender that's
been assigned to your case.

Ugh... Okay... Oh, God...

Is there a problem?

Wul, it's just... I mean...
What you're wearing.

You know, it's St. Patrick's Day,

you're not wearing any...

You don't have any
green socks on, do you?

No, I'm wearing yellow socks.

Ohhhhh God... I wanna
pinch you so bad...

I'm here to help you, okay?

Now, this woman that
you're accused of groping,

were you two in any
kind of relationship?

No, ma'am, could you... Maybe put on

some green lipstick or something?

Before you touched the victim,

did she give you any kind of consent?

Well, technically, yes!

I mean, St. Patrick's Day
is a wonderful day

where we remember a British
Roman man who went to Ireland

and converted the whole
country to Christianity!

And he used a clover to
represent the Holy Trinity,

so we're supposed to
celebrate that by wearing green

and if you don't wear
green you get a pinch!

And who is this St. Patrick to you?

See?! That's the problem!

Nobody knows how great he really was.

Okay...

Can you show me where on
the body you touched the girl?

- Oh, God...
- Did you put your fingers inside her?

I didn't finger nothin!

I swear it was just a tiny
little St. Patrick's Day pinch!

It was... It was like this!

Ohhhg!

Oh!

I am not representing
this [BLEEP] animal!

Ohhgu!

We got some more
St. Patrick's Day offenders.

Well, it's a.m. and you
people are already wasted, huh?

Yeah, yeah, copper,
you got me, big deal.

Dear St. Patrick...

If you're really up there...
I've always done my best

to honor you on this most holy day...

You went to Ireland, and you got

all those pagan worshippers
to follow Christ.

If there's any way... that
you could help me now...

just, like, send me
a leprechaun or something...

I will be forever your dark servant.

Amen.

Alright, we got us another one!

Let's go, buddy.

Yeah yeah, you don't
have to push me, copper.

Whoa...

When are you people gonna learn, huh?

It's not even lunchtime,
for Christ's sake.

I want my phone call.

Wow wee, are you a real leprechaun?

Yeah, I'm a real [BLEEP] leprechaun!

Alright! Are we gonna
bust outta here or what?

Hell yeah we're gonna bust outta here,

what do you have planned?

Awww, yeah...

And now back to the Credigree Weed

St. Patrick's Day Special.

Alright, there you go,
happy St. Patrick's Day

and thanks for buying Credigree!

Good afternoon, sir!

Are you the creator of Credigree Weed?

I am.

Well, I'm the owner of the Irish
bar here in town. Farty O'Cools.

We've got thousands of patrons today

and I'm looking to score some weed.

You need marijuana for the Irish bar.

Well, everyone's been
drinkin' since a.m.

But now they need something
to take the edge off

until they start doing coke at : .

Well, I'm sure we can help you out.

How much Credigree
are you looking to buy?

Oh, I'd say we need about...

Oh, two and a half tons of
yer St. Patrick's Day Special.

Two and a half tons...

Alright! Well, we'll see
ya down at Farty O'Cools!

Are you crazy?

How are we gonna get that
much weed together in time?

I don't know, babe,

but this could really
make our whole fiscal year!

I just hope you're
not overdoin' it again.

Don't worry, we're gonna
blow everyone's mind

with our St. Patrick's Day Special!

Awesome... green hamburgers...

How clever...

Hello?

Uh, yes, this is Randy
Marsh, I've been incarcerated.

I need to speak with my attorney.

Dad, it's me. You called
the wrong person.

Yes, I am aware of that.

Listen to me carefully.

The canary is in the cage.

I don't know what the
[BLEEP] you're talking about.

Oh, a confidential matter?

Lawyer client privilege.

Uh, you know, there's an officer
standing right here, actually.

Oh... Oh it's okay, he's stepping away.

Stan! They got me locked up,

you're gonna have to
help me break outta here.

We have to stop them.

Stop who?

Listen to me... is your
friend Tolkien there?

Yeah, Tol-l-l-kien
is sitting right here.

Yeah, well, his piece a sh*t dad

is trying to take over
the St. Patrick's Day Special!

I don't care.

You better care, because
if we don't make money today

you and sister are gonna starve.

Do you understand?

And I won't be able
to pay the Wi-Fi bill.

Okay, what do you want me to do?

I need you to leave school, go home,

and get a jar of the
St. Patrick's Day Special weed

and sneak it into the police station.

Dad, it's St. Patrick's Day.

We're gonna do
a scavenger hunt at recess.

I'm asking you to do one little thing.

Ditch school, get weed,
sneak into the police station.

Do it or no more Wi-Fi, I mean it!

Piece a sh*t lawyer!

St. Patrick was not Irish.

He was a Roman British
man who was made a sl*ve

by Irish Barbarians.

But St. Patrick heard
the voice of God...

and he used his situation for good,

and God told him to be brave!

And that is why... On
this one day of the year,

we must be like St. Patrick ourselves!

The police don't even care
about St. Patrick's Day!

Do you see any of them
wearing green?! No!

If we do St. Patrick's
bidding, he will provide for us!

Okay, back in you go.

Pi-i-i-i-nch!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

He just touched me and he didn't
ask for consent or anything.

Okay, okay, I'll take care of it...

Is that better?

I just need to take a shower and cry.

Oh my God.

Can I help you?

Hello, sir, we are with the Clover Club.

We try to spread a little
St. Patrick's Day cheer

by donating baked
goods to prison inmates

who cannot celebrate this festive time.

Alright, it's your lucky day, folks,

some kids brought you
some holiday cheer.

Wha... Wha... What's happening?!
What's happening?

Hey, there, we brought you a cake.

I told you to bring me weed, not a cake!

God dammit.

You... You should just enjoy the cake.

You don't [BLEEP] listen to me, do you?!

You're incapable of ever
doing anything right because...

Oh, a cake. Gaaaht it.

Thank you very much.

Whu...

Oh, hey, fellas.

How's your St. Patrick's
Day going, Butters?

- Pretty good.
- Awesome.

Well, see ya.

- What are you gonna do?
- It's simple...

There's always cops
looking to make a score.

You just gotta find the one

willing to trade some dr*gs for a favor.

And once they get a whiff of
my St. Patrick's Day Special,

they won't be able to resist.

Oh...

Oh, man, that is strong...

I knew St. Patrick would perform
a miracle to get us out of here!

Just like when he was a
sl*ve, he will help us go free!

White people were slaves
in history? Nuh-uh.

Gah, it's such a good special,

it's just such a shame
people are trying to ruin it.

Hey, my bruthuh. You got a second?

What do you want?

You don't wanna miss out

on the only white holiday
still allowed, do ya?

How'd you like to be able
to, uh, celebrate a little?

Yeah, of course I would, but I can't.

Hey guys! How'd you like to
be able to celebrate a little?!

Check it out! They're
handing out free weed

down at Farty O'Cools!

It's the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special!

Wow!

- Ooh, hey, I'm in.
- No!

Ooh da lolly! St. Patrick's Day!
Wow, look at it!

I thought I wouldn't be able
to get wasted till later!

That's it. It's over.

My plan is done.

It is not over!

What did St. Patrick say when
he was taken from his homeland

and turned into a sl*ve?!

St. Patrick didn't give up!

And when the Christians slandered him

while he was trying to
convert the heathen Irish,

did he give up then?!

Man, that is strong ass sh*t.

You can taste the Irishness.

This weed is amazing
and it has so much cred.

You know, I've never really been
a fan of the holiday Specials,

but this one is really good.

Yeah!

Whoa!

You see?! The power of
St. Patrick compels you!

- Oh!
- Whoa!

- Aah!
- Aah!

Yes, now use your clover rays!

- Oh! Ugugghghh!
- Whoa!

Me golden coins of spite!

- Oh!
- Oh!

And now for the thrilling conclusion

of the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special.

My God! I never thought
we'd sell this much weed!

Keep it up, babe! We've
still got a long way to go!

Hey, everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, quiet!

Turn up the TV!

Once again the town of
South Park is on high alert

after a sexual predator
escaped from custody.

Everyone who's out
at bars or restaurants

for St. Patrick's Day
need to be on the lookout

for the sexual psychopath.

Tom, I'm standing outside
the South Park Police Station,

where just moments ago a
sexual predator broke free.

Surveillance cameras inside the station

captured the dramatic escape.

Police claim they tried to
stop the felon from escaping,

but they were just, "Way too high."

Back to to you, Tom.

♪ I've been a wild rover
for many's the year ♪

♪ I've spent all me money
on good weed and beer ♪

Towelie... where is all
the St. Patrick's Day Special?

Randy... I... I thought...
you were in jail.

The weed's all gone, does that
mean you were able to sell it?

Yeah I sort of... sold
it... at half price...

to Tolkien's dad across the street.

- What?!
- You were gone!

Tolkien's dad said he'd buy all the weed

and I figured that's what we should do!

So you mean that right now
everyone down at the Irish bar

is enjoying my special and
they don't even know it?!

Randy, I'm sorr...

Come on, let's go!

Thank you! Thank you!

Thanks for choosing Credigree Weed!

Stop right there, you piece a sh*t!

Is everyone enjoying the special?!

Randy... I-I thought you were in jail.

Oh, yes, so did a lot of people.

But you see there's
just one thing wrong.

This isn't Credigree Weed's special.

It's moine.

Babe! That's how you got so much weed?!

I used both.

You see?! This is what happens
when you appropriate a culture!

It's sort of your special and
it's sort of not your special...

And nobody knows whose special it is.

I guess I just let the
holiday go to my head.

- But I learned that...
- No! No no no no no!

You don't get to say what you learned

'cause it's not your special!

This holiday is about Tegridy.

Oh my God! It's him!

It's the sexual predator!

- What, what, he's here?!
- Uh oh!

Stop right there!

There he is, get him!

Wahggh!

Freeze!

Ahghggh!

Don't move, Weinstein,
you've got nowhere else to go!

Leave the child alone...

Ohh!

Whoa-a-a!

It's him! It's St. Patrick!

What... exactly is going on here.

You've persecuted this little
boy for grabbing people?

Why, it's ridiculous!

You've all besmirched a
perfectly good white holiday.

Where we all like to get
drunk and as*ault each other!

It's St. Patrick's Day!

- Remember the reason for the season!
- Oh, my God!

Ooh! Hey!

Who wants a pinch?

Oh, yes, very nice!

Hey, you can't do that, man!

What do you mean I can't?

Do you know what day it is?!

Ah, see, here we go.

"Kiss me I'm Irish!"

That's more like it!

Oh, my God!

No, you bought the shirt, bitch!

Come on, let's have a go!

It's me day! Take your d*ck out.

Who wants him to take his d*ck out?

I will not!

What is this? Are you people all
some kind of Scottish poofters?

Hey, that is a h*m* slur!

You're calling me h*m*?

Because I will gladly
[BLEEP] any man here.

We celebrate St. Patrick's
Day for four simple reasons.

I. Love. To. [BLEEP].

Wow, St. Patrick, wow.
You're a real jerk.

Yeah, what a creep.
Come on girls, let's go.

To hell with him and to hell with this

Tegridy Weed St. Patrick's Day Special.

Aw... Aww!

Where is everybody going?

This party [BLEEP] sucks!

Doesn't anybody want a pinch?

The party is over...

A new day has come...

And now... St. Patrick's
Day, the only holiday left

where white people could
celebrate a culture...

has been cancelled.

And as for the mysterious,

sexually charged being who
groped and assaulted so many.

He... is doing five
years community service.

Once again... I shoulda never listened

to what they told me in church.