02x02 - A Company of Men

[bunniefuu]

[tropical birds singing]

[children chattering]

[speaking indistinctly]

[Mike] My dear Baron...

Come on, boys!

[Mike] ...my dear fellow members...

[ship's horn blows]

[man] Sir.

[Mike] ...we're now well into

the first leg of our tour.

At ease.

[whistling]

[Mike] The Duke and I flew out

and joined the yacht in Mombasa.

-[Philip] How do you do?

-Very good, sir.

[Mike] From there, we departed for Ceylon

via the heavenly Seychelles.

Then through the beautiful Malayan states

and on to New Guinea.

Because the Duke

isn't much one for ceremony,

preferring sport and competition

to dinners and speeches,

everywhere we've gone,

we've had our own small-scale Olympics.

-Heave!

-[Mike] Come on, boys!

[all grunting]

We have a number

of gifted athletes on board:

runners, rowers, footballers.

And we've pipped the locals pretty much

everywhere we've been.

-[drums playing]

-[cheering]

But in New Guinea, I'm afraid,

we really met our match.

Get up!

[Mike] Thankfully,

there is always cricket...

[Philip] Come on, Aldrich!

-Hooray!

-[Mike] ...where we can be relied upon

to get our revenge.

Bowled!

-Howzat!

-Yes!

[Mike] Mainly because cricket as a sport

has never been seen before in New Guinea.

[chuckles]

At night, the adventures continue.

On royal tours in the past,

when the Queen has been present,

the evenings have been polite occasions,

with everyone on best behavior.

[club members cheering]

"Not this time.

Philip, as you all know,

is a work-hard-play-hard man

who would never stand

in the way of a bit of fun.

-[boisterous laughter]

-And in New Guinea, as it turns out,

there's no such thing as infidelity.

[club members cheering

and thumping tables]

Men are expected to indulge.

[tribeswomen singing]

[Baron] By the end of this tour,

I think we'll be able to make

a qualitative assessment

about where the finest women

in the world come from.

But now, however, I can tell you

the women of New Guinea

are sweeter than those of Ceylon

and right up there

with those of Malaya!

[club members cheering]

I have shared these secrets

with you in good faith.

The contents must, like all disclosures

of the Thursday Club, remain secret.

Ninety percent of the officers

on board are married

and would k*ll me if they knew

what I was writing!

[raucous cheering]

Strict non-disclosure policies apply.

What happens on tour stays on tour.

But rest assured, I will keep you updated

on our forthcoming adventures.

[club members] Oh!

I sense this will be a momentous

and eventful tour indeed.

Ever your fellow member, Mike!"

[raucous cheering]

[shouting]

We put our trust in our ruling class.

We put this great country in their hands!

And what do they do?

How do they pay back our trust?

By taking us into an illegal w*r

under false pretenses!

A shameful, dishonest misadventure!

[cheering]

Murderers!

[man] You! What about that?

Bloody disgrace!

Dragging us all into ruin! Bastard!

[Mountbatten] The invasion

has been a disaster,

the UN General Assembly's up in arms,

as are the Americans.

As a result,

our Prime Minister has had no option

but to declare

an immediate ceasefire and retreat.

Without taking back the Suez Canal.

-Quite.

-So it's all been for nothing?

No, rather worse than nothing.

Economically, the drain on

our currency reserves has been so ruinous

that we now face a run on sterling.

-The energy situation is just as bad.

-[Queen Mother sighs]

Panic buying has been reported

at petrol stations,

and... we expect fuel rationing to become

necessary as we move into winter.

It is no exaggeration to say this has been

the worst week for the country since 1939.

The peace and consensus left

by your dear father has gone...

and our reputation for decency

and integrity

-in matters of foreign policy

-[footsteps approaching]

has been shattered.

What is it?

The Duke of Edinburgh

is on the telephone, Your Majesty.

Hm? Goodness, that's a first. [laughs]

-From New Guinea, ma'am.

-Oh.

-Sorry, do excuse me.

-[Mountbatten] Of course.

-Give him my best.

-Say hello.

[clears throat]

Hello?

[Philip] Hello?

Hello. Hello, Philip.

[line crackling]

Hello? Can you hear me?

Yes, yes, I can hear you.

I can't hear you.

Can you hear me?

Yes. I can hear you.

-Uh... hello?

-[line crackling]

Elizabeth?

Can you hear me?

Philip.

Oh.

[Mike] Ready for you, sir.

[Philip] Damn telephones.

-Bloody things.

-[Mike] This is why I don't bother.

[both laugh]

[man over PA] Assemble on deck

for the morning address.

[crew chattering]

At ease, gentlemen.

Well, our adventure is only two weeks old,

and it's already taken us

nearly 20,000 miles

as we travel the far corners

of the world...

in an attempt to repair

the reputation of our country,

currently being ruined by politicians.

[laughing]

I would like to thank each and every one

of you for your professionalism

and discipline.

You have all been brilliant.

All, that is,

except for the football team...

-[laughing]

-whose shoddy, leaky defense

and absence

of a natural left-sided player,

led to that rather humiliating defeat

by the Seamen's Club,

of all bloody people,

at Port Swettenham.

[laughing]

I should also like to say,

if I may, Admiral...

Yes, sir.

It's been wonderful for me,

on a personal level, to be back at sea.

The Royal Navy has always occupied

a very special place in my life

and, indeed, in my heart.

There are few greater pleasures in life

than serving on a ship such as this.

That's why it's also very difficult

to leave,

but leave I must and fly to Melbourne

to open the Olympics there,

where I must generally behave myself,

-shake a few hands, cut a few ribbons.

-[laughing]

It will be hell, I can assure you.

And I will be counting the minutes

until you come and pick me up again

and we can continue our great adventure.

Now, in the meantime, behave yourselves,

keep fit...

and don't drink all the bloody beer.

[laughing]

[man] Well said, sir.

[Philip] Well done, boys.

Well done, big man.

Good stuff. Thank you very much.

Well done. Well done. Well done.

[speaking indistinctly]

[laughing]

[Philip] It's so depressing,

this Suez business.

Well, don't read about it then.

I can't help myself.

What were they thinking?

-Shall we look at this schedule?

-[Philip] Will that cheer me up?

Probably not, no.

I've been stripping things out wherever

I can, but it's still pretty hectic.

We start with a uranium mine visit

in the Northern Territory.

-Yippee.

-Agricultural parades in Sydney,

then over to a British Empire

Service League conference in Canberra.

And finally garden parties

at Government House.

-[Philip] Joy.

-But...

I've come up with a stock speech

which you can memorize like a mynah bird

and deliver each step of the way.

[Philip] Australia.

The name itself conjures up

such romantic images

of progress, ambition and possibility.

It is said that the mark

of any great nation is the journey

-it has endured on its path to glory.

-[laughing]

And what a journey Australia has taken.

[Philip] Oh, I see. So that's the smelter.

From those early European explorers

who landed at your shores,

you've endured

great hardship and crisis.

Less independently-minded nations

would've faltered,

sought support from the parent nation...

once so integral to their governance.

But Australia forged onwards.

[cattle lowing]

Like its rugged and, at times,

unforgiving landscape,

Australia showed true strength,

true mettle.

You have admirably

developed every branch of your life

and culture...

and in just 200 years, have grown

into a unique and individual civilization,

which, I am sure, will rank among

the greatest that the world has seen.

[crowd applauding]

Australia!

-Excellent speech.

-Good man.

Her name's Helen King.

Twenty-nine years old,

writes for The Age,

one of the most prominent

newspapers here.

She's asked to meet you.

Let's meet her.

What for?

An interview.

Oh, I thought we'd decided no interviews.

We did, but in her case, I find myself

moved to make an exception.

-You saw the way she was looking at me?

-Yes.

You don't think I'm being delusional?

Gentleman's radar and all that.

No.

Not to mention the way she's followed us

every step of the tour. No...

I think we can safely assume

this one's a friend, not an enemy.

[laughs]

[cheering and applause on television]

[man on television] The car

carrying His Royal Highness,

the Duke of Edinburgh,

makes its way out

onto the splendid red track

here on this pleasant afternoon

in Melbourne.

The crowds are ecstatic as they

get their first glimpse of the Duke,

who is reported to be greatly enjoying

his time here in Australia.

And now we're nearly there as the Duke

takes his place in the Royal Box.

[applause on television]

I declare open the Olympic Games

of Melbourne...

celebrating the 16th Olympiad

of the modern era.

[crowd cheering]

[Queen Mother] He looks happy.

For once.

[man on television] The Duke smiles

as thunderous applause

and thousands of cheers...

-Yes. Very happy.

-...from the excited spectators

reverberates around the crowded stadium.

You can thank me for that.

It was my idea.

I always knew it was a good idea

to let him shine. Alone.

What a magnificent moment.

Yes, thank you, Mommy.

In ancient Greece,

the beginning of the Games

was heralded

by the homing of the pigeons,

and so too today.

Ready?

-[Julie] Yes.

-[Michael] Yes.

-[secretary] Mrs. Parker. This way.

-Yes.

Wait here.

[man] Mrs. Parker. How can I help?

I'd like to separate from my husband.

Better still, divorce.

Do you mind me asking, on what grounds?

The fact I never see him.

Absence isn't a legal ground for divorce.

Neglect?

Nor that, I'm afraid. You're going to need

one of the big three:

Adultery, unreasonable behavior

or insanity.

I'm quite sure there has been adultery.

We will need evidence.

That won't be easy.

Because of his job.

-Mike works for the Duke of Edinburgh.

-In what capacity?

His private secretary.

Oh, I see.

He's also his closest friend.

They're virtually inseparable.

Are you really sure about this?

A divorce can leave a woman

quite isolated.

Maybe things will get better

if you stick it out.

I tend to think that's always

the best way for everyone.

Grass is rarely greener.

I will come back when I have evidence.

[door opens]

-[Evans] You're taking pethidine?

-[Eden] Yes.

-[Evans] And the pentobarbitone?

-Yes, I'm taking the pentobarbitone,

but it doesn't work.

I need something stronger.

There is nothing stronger.

The fact is, in terms of pharmacology,

we've gone as far as we can.

[Elizabeth] I have the greatest sympathy

for your condition, Prime Minister.

And I fully understand

the need for rest...

but given the challenges

that are now facing this country,

you don't feel

that you have a responsibility

to execute your duties

just a little longer?

I asked the physician the same question,

ma'am, but he insisted.

He felt that I was at the very limit

of human endurance.

But the country will be in safe hands.

Mr. Butler will take charge in my absence.

Mr. Head will oversee the withdrawal

of our troops from Egypt,

and Mr. Macmillan will oversee

the... economic situation.

Economic crisis.

How long do you imagine you'll be away?

Not long, ma'am.

A few weeks.

Well, I suppose one can always

reach you at short notice.

It's a point I always make

to my private secretaries.

Yes, I'm away, but Windsor

really is just round the corner.

And Norfolk, too.

County Durham, isn't it?

Your family home.

Jamaica, ma'am.

Your family home?

Where the doctor felt I should be going.

He specified Jamaica?

He specified sunshine, tropical sunshine.

He said he felt

my life might depend on it.

What would he prescribe

for the rest of us... do you imagine?

Prime Minister.

Your Majesty.

[bell rings]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[chattering]

[Eileen] Excuse me! Excuse me!

You work in there, don't you?

At the Thursday Club as a waitress?

-Who's asking?

-My name is Eileen.

Do you have a minute?

Uh, what can I do for you?

I'd like you to tell me

what goes on... inside.

-Are you a reporter or something?

-No, no, nothing like that.

Just a wife of one of the members

and mother to his children.

You may know him, his name is Mike.

There are so many gentlemen.

Mike Parker.

You do know him, don't you?

Mike would've made sure of that.

You're just his type.

Look, one day you will be married too,

and I sincerely hope

that you make a good choice.

But if you don't and you meet a man

who makes you unhappy,

then, as a woman, I would wish for you

to be able to leave that man

easily, painlessly.

So if there is anything you can tell me

that might make my leaving easier...

I'm sorry, Mrs. Parker,

but I know nothing of your husband.

-Here is my address and telephone number.

-Excuse me. Coming through here.

[Eileen] Just...

If anything should occur to you.

[sighs]

[chattering]

-We need two more martinis.

-All right.

[man laughing]

[man] Lily! Lily! Lily!

[telephone ringing]

[knocks on door]

-Martin.

-Do you have a minute, Michael?

I think it's important.

Come in.

I'm going to ask you

to go through it again.

Yes. The provenance

of this rumor is quite arcane.

-Your sister...

-Sister-in-law.

...had lunch with her aunt,

who had just spent the weekend at...

Cholmondeley Castle.

At which, one of the other guests

was the bridge partner...

Tennis.

...of the solicitor visited

by Eileen Parker.

I think that's it.

That's half Britain already.

And all of these people now know

Mrs. Parker... is seeking a divorce?

-[secretaries chattering]

-Yes.

That's unfortunate.

It'll be hard to contain.

And what are Mrs. Parker's...

grievances?

Neglect, unreasonable behavior...

and... infidelity.

Just a wife's suspicions,

nothing concrete,

but I believe specific mention

was made of a lunch club

where Lieutenant Commander Parker

and the Duke of Edinburgh are--

Don't tell me. Frequent guests.

Actually, founder members.

Keep an eye on this for me, would you?

A close eye.

-[secretary 1] Three carbon copies.

-[secretary 2] Will do.

[secretary 1] Thank you.

-Here we go.

-Madam.

-Mind your step.

-Thank you very much.

[knock on door]

-Ready, sir?

-[Philip] Certainly am.

His Royal Highness,

the Duke of Edinburgh.

-Thank you for seeing me, sir.

-Not at all.

Well, um, just bear with me

while I put my things down and set up.

-Please.

-Thank you.

-I'm just going to put a microphone here.

-Can I help?

No, it's fine, thank you.

[buttons clicking]

Right, I think that's it.

Right, well, I'll, uh...

I'll leave you two to it, then.

Thank you, Michael. Please.

[Helen] Thank you.

Ah. Ready when you are.

Well, we can't really start

without passing comment

on the situation in Egypt

and the international response.

Why?

Huge demonstrations

on the streets of London,

Eden caving in to international pressure

and calling a ceasefire.

You don't think it's a significant moment

for your country?

Perhaps, but I'm not going to

pass comment on that.

-Why not?

-It's not my job.

It's not what members

of the royal family do.

You must have thoughts about it.

Of course, I'm not a vegetable, but...

my thoughts on issues like that

remain a private matter.

One can't help wondering where it leaves

-Britain's place in the world.

-Well, I'm sure Britain will be fine.

The view from over here is that

Britain has been publicly humiliated.

Oh.

As someone

with surprisingly progressive views,

that must concern you.

I have progressive views?

You don't think that you do?

Televising the coronation?

Advocating modernization?

That's just common sense.

If you're a progressive,

one prepared to make changes.

Well, let's just say

that I learned very early on

that it's wise not

to take things for granted.

You're referring to your family.

How they had to leave Greece

in the revolution.

Your grandfather was sh*t,

your father fled to avoid being sh*t.

[clears throat] Yes. Correct.

Well, you see, there's so much

that people don't really know about you.

I can assure you

it's all been rather embellished.

-The truth is really quite dull.

-Dull?

How you personally fled Corfu

in an orange crate?

And then a childhood in exile,

always on the move.

"Exile" is too strong a word,

too emotional.

It's just how it was for everyone.

You just got on with it.

But it can't have been easy.

Was the trauma of being in exile

what brought on your mother's illness,

do you think?

What illness?

Well, the information I have

is that she suffered a breakdown.

Things weren't easy for her.

But she got on with it.

But she was taken away, wasn't she?

To an institution.

Then your father promptly abandoned

the family, ran off with his mistress?

I don't know what you've been reading

or who you've been speaking to,

but both my mother and my father

played very active roles

in all their children's lives.

It isn't true you didn't see your father

for the last six years of his life?

If we're to remain friends,

we really should move on.

All right.

May I ask you about your education?

Sir.

Sir.

-What about it?

-That was pretty unusual, too.

I went to boarding school in Britain.

I don't see what's unusual about that.

For a while, but then you were

taken out and sent to school in Germany.

Because my sisters lived there.

-Your n*zi sisters.

-Oh, Christ.

One of whom was married

to a close personal friend of h*tler's.

I was at school in Germany

for less than a year

before I returned to the United Kingdom.

What point are you trying to make here?

I think it's pretty clear

which side I was on.

My record in the w*r speaks for itself.

I'm simply saying your background

is so much more interesting and complex

than people might imagine.

-Do they imagine anything?

-I think people are curious.

Here is this striking, handsome man,

walking beside the most famous woman

in the world.

Who is he?

Well, I hate to disappoint...

but he really is just a normal man

in what, from the outside,

probably looks like rather a strange life,

but from the inside,

really is no different to anyone else's.

I don't think there's anything about you

that's like anyone else.

From a young age,

you were effectively orphaned,

your favorite sister, Cecile,

also a n*zi, d*ed in a plane crash--

I really think we should move on now.

What kind of impact does that have

on a man?

That's the kind of trauma

that will doubtless have a bearing on how

your own children and the future

King of England are brought up.

That's enough.

I think people have a right

to know about their leaders, don't you?

Especially ones that can't be thrown out

with free and fair elections.

Don't ever let my vanity

get the better of me again.

[thunder rumbling]

[glass shatters]

[Philip] Christ!

-Christ!

-[glass shatters]

[telephone ringing]

Kensington 8953. Hello?

We met...

a few times...

in... various locations.

Afterwards, he'd... tell me about his job.

The company he keeps.

He didn't mention a wife.

Or children.

I'm so sorry.

If you are really sorry

and want to make my life easier...

Of course.

We will need you

to make an official statement

and give evidence in court.

I can't do that.

I would lose my job, my reputation.

-I'm afraid that's what the law requires.

-No!

No.

So you telephoned me and agreed

to come here today for what, precisely?

To put color into my nightmares?

I'm sorry.

[Charteris] My sources now tell me

Mrs. Parker has gone

as far as bringing a waitress

from the Thursday Lunch Club

to see her divorce lawyer.

I gather the waitress has not provided

hard evidence on this occasion,

just hearsay.

Though we're obviously getting close.

This cannot be allowed to go

one single step further, Martin.

No.

If Mrs. Parker succeeds

in getting her divorce,

the newspapers would make

the not unreasonable assumption

that anything that

Lieutenant Commander Parker has done,

the Duke of Edinburgh has done, too.

We do not want words like "infidelity"

and "divorce" swirling around.

No.

Whether there is any truth

in the allegations or not,

it would shatter the integrity

of the royal marriage...

and jeopardize the entire monarchy.

Any ideas?

[Philip] Stand easy. Stand easy.

Right, our grown-up duties are done.

The Olympics are officially up

and running, which means, gentlemen,

we can now get on with the important

business at hand: our tour!

[cheering]

We have nine weeks

between now and our arrival home.

In that time, we will be visiting

the remotest parts of the Commonwealth,

but I'm delighted to say

that during that time,

we will be without reporters.

[cheering]

We will be without photographers.

We will be out of the world's eye!

And with that in mind,

Michael's got a suggestion.

Thank you. Right, gentlemen.

Uh, yes, I'd like to propose

something a little unusual,

something I'm fairly sure none of us

has ever participated in before:

-a beard-growing competition!

-[cheering]

Now, special dispensation has been given

to the dozen or so men

who already have beards to shave them off

and they'll act as judges

for the rest of our efforts, all right?

Yes!

-Hip, hip!

-[crew] Hooray!

-Hip, hip!

-[crew] Hooray!

-Hip, hip! Hooray!

-[crew] Hooray!

[man] It's nothing you've not seen before.

We can't see it now, Bill.

[laughing]

[knock on door]

Right, in their infinite wisdom,

the powers that be have decided

they would like you to make

a Christmas speech.

What? To who? The men on board?

Uh, no.

To the half a billion people that make up

the Commonwealth of Nations.

From the Lord Chamberlain's office.

They'd like you to make a companion

Christmas speech to the Queen's.

A thousand words, preferably uplifting

in tone and Christian in sentiment.

With as many references as possible

to the importance of family

and the sanctity of marriage.

What if I don't want to?

I'm afraid no provisions

appear to have been made

for your having an opinion about that

or, indeed, anything else.

[Adeane] Because of seniority,

your speech will come second,

the usual time, three p.m.

However, on Christmas morning,

the Duke of Edinburgh is expected

to be in Graham Land,

which is in the Antarctic Peninsula,

which is ten hours behind us,

so he'll have to get up

at the cr*ck of dawn to make his speech.

May I ask why he's making a speech?

Ma'am?

Well, it's not usual, is it?

No, it is extraordinary.

Um, I think the feeling was

that with Your Majesty

and His Royal Highness

having not been seen

in public together for so long,

being, at least, heard together--

No, I see. It might reassure people

that all is still well.

-[chuckles] I wouldn't go that far, ma'am.

-Well, I would.

And I think it's a good idea.

Thank you, Michael.

May I just ask...

just out of curiosity...

what's the longest amount of time that you

and Lady Adeane have been separated?

Uh...

Three weeks, I think.

I see. And would you say that you thrive

or suffer from the separation?

Uh, we don't much care for it,

ma'am.

Helen, in particular, believes...

little good comes from

a couple being apart,

that a husband and wife belong together.

Yes, of course.

-Ma'am.

-[Elizabeth clears throat]

[Morse code beeping]

-Brown?

-Yes, sir?

-[Philip] What's up?

-Australian naval patrol boat,

the HMAS Warreen,

has put out a distress call.

They picked up a fishing boat,

out of power, it's drifted for days.

One man left alive,

he nearly drowned trying to fix the hull.

He suffered a broken rib cage,

and his lung may be punctured.

And the Warreen

doesn't have a doctor on board.

-The man is dying.

-Are we the nearest ship?

There's a French freighter

three miles further out.

[Smith] We are the nearest ship.

Set your course.

Bring her about.

[captain] Coming about.

Ninety degrees.

Hoist.

[man] Up, up. He's coming up.

Steady him.

-[beeping]

-[man speaking indistinctly over PA]

[medic] Straps.

At ease.

We fished him out of the water,

floating near his boat.

The rest of his crew must have drowned.

There was no log on board. We don't

know who he is or where he's from.

It doesn't matter who he is

or where he's from.

He was the captain of a ship...

that's all that counts.

-[medic] We'll need a saline drip.

-He's one of us.

[medic] Immediately. Fluids. Now, man.

No, it's out of the question, sir.

Why?

[Smith] We have a strict schedule,

as part of an official tour.

And to take the man back

to wherever he came from

would be to turn back

in entirely the wrong direction.

It'd take days, maybe a whole week,

off our important schedule.

We can make that time up.

The man's fortunate enough

we saved his life.

We'll simply drop him off at the next

destination and that'll be that.

He will be needlessly separated

from his home.

Find himself in a strange country,

with a foreign language,

away from his family.

[Smith] Not my concern.

Another vessel with less important duties

might find time for such...

sentimental charity.

We've done our important duties

and are on the way home.

We're effectively

a glorified pleasure cruiser

with an abundance of fuel

and time to spare.

Sir, my decision as Flag Officer is no.

And my decision

as Admiral of the Fleet is that we do.

[Smith clears throat]

There is only one person

in command of the vessel.

It's the Flag Officer.

If you'd recall your naval training...

you'd remember.

I do recall my naval training,

as it happens.

Manning command posts on destroyers

during the w*r.

The same w*r which, I believe,

you spent on shore duty.

I have never abused my privileges,

and I don't intend to start now,

but this is the Royal Yacht.

I am on it representing the Crown,

and I say turn it around

and take this man home.

[Mike] My dear friends,

after 20 eventful weeks at sea,

visiting five continents

and covering many thousands of miles,

I'm happy to report that we saved

our greatest adventure for last.

As the Royal Yacht Britannia

turned naval rescue

and we fished a shipwrecked mariner

out of the water.

Our brilliant surgeons operated on him,

then we went out of our way to return him

to his home, his family and his people.

[women clamoring]

[Mike] And what people.

[chattering]

What a family.

What a home.

-[chattering]

-[woman cheering]

[trumpets playing]

[Mike] Should you Thursday Club members

ever grow tired

of your colorless

and empty lives in London,

I suggest immediate relocation

to the discrete island nations

nestled around Tonga...

surely the closest one can come

to heaven on Earth.

"Never have we received such a welcome,

-or eaten so well.

-[Islanders singing]

Never have I experienced

such a willingness

to set oneself free and enjoy.

[club members cheering]

And nowhere on Earth,

and we have, by this point, traveled

across almost every inch,

have we encountered

such beautiful women."

[club members laughing]

[Philip] Bye!

[Baron] "These really have been

the most remarkable few days.

And it is with the greatest reluctance,

that after three days here,

we tear ourselves away,

each of us, not a little bit,

but a great deal in love."

[club members cheering]

[Lily] That is your husband's handwriting,

isn't it?

You said you needed evidence.

That's not a royal tour they're on,

it's a five-month stag night.

Whores in every port.

Good luck.

Uh, thank you.

[corgis barking]

-Happy Christmas.

-Happy Christmas, Your Majesty.

-[Queen Mother] Hello. Thank you.

-Oh, thank God.

[chattering]

[chattering]

[sighs] All right, you two.

Good, now...

[Margaret] Thank you.

[Queen Mother gasps]

[Queen Mother] Edward!

Delighted to see you.

[Mike] Written it yet?

No.

I'm waiting for inspiration to strike.

Might I suggest some gung-ho platitudes

about Christmas and the Commonwealth?

That's what they want me to say.

I mean what I want to say.

Right.

Have you got it yet? Home Service.

Nearly there, sir.

[Margaret] Where exactly is Philip?

-Graham Land, last I heard.

-Where's that?

-[Margaret] Dickie, where's Graham Land?

-[Elizabeth] Antarctica. Is it?

-Is that north or is that south?

-[Queen Mother] It's north.

-Don't be silly, it's south.

-[Margaret] Does anyone actually know?

Well, yes, because the Arctic is north

and so Antarctica is non-north,

isn't it, Dickie?

What's "non-north"?

[knock on door]

[Philip] Come.

-It's time.

-Good.

-Your Majesties, Your Royal Highnesses.

-Oh, children.

[man on radio] Now, a Christmas

announcement from His Royal Highness,

the Duke of Edinburgh.

Good morning.

This is Britannia.

I'm speaking to you from the edge

of the South Pacific.

59 degrees south and 60 degrees west.

You have to turn the globe upside down

to find this place.

Indeed, a few of us aboard the Royal Yacht

feel a little upside-down...

having never been this far from home.

[chuckles]

The remoteness of the location

presents one

with a precious opportunity to think...

about one's own life,

one's own way of living.

We've traveled the world now

and seen all manner of tribes,

societies and cultures.

We've had endless debates about

which places have the best systems

of government or justice

or the most interesting religions.

And we've been amazed, and impressed

by so much of what we have seen.

Naturally, it has led us

to examine our own lives...

and the way we live.

The things we take for granted.

Is that really Philip?

It's not some sort of Philip impersonator?

Why?

He just sounds so odd. So different.

And here I am,

almost 10,000 miles from London...

surrounded by empty water.

It's a fine life on board a ship...

but it can be a solitary one.

We are men together...

but we each stand alone.

[knock on door]

I've been asked to tell you

that they're ready for you.

Right.

Last-minute changes?

-Something like that.

-May I help?

No. Thank you.

[man 1] Signal strength's good.

-[equipment clicks]

-[man 2] Far be it from me to...

Let's see if I can oil the wheels.

[man 2] All clear from Broadcasting House.

[man 2 speaking indistinctly]

We are ready for you, ma'am.

Yes.

Happy Christmas.

-Happy Christmas, Your Majesty.

-Happy Christmas, ma'am.

[tunes radio]

[man on radio] People of Britain and the

Commonwealth will now listen to the voice

of Her Majesty the Queen.

Thank you. Ma'am.

[equipment whirs]

Once again,

messages of Christmas greeting

have been exchanged around the world...

carried upon the invisible wings...

of 20th-century science.

And of all those many messages

from all corners of the Commonwealth,

none has given us greater pleasure

than hearing those of my husband...

from the remote

and lonely spaces of Antarctica.

To him, I say...

from all the members of your family

gathered here today...

our very best wishes go to you

on board Britannia.

A very large, united family

is waiting for you here...

and will always be waiting for you,

wherever you are.

-Her Majesty.

-Her Majesty.

[Elizabeth] I would like

to express my gratitude

to those men and women

of the Commonwealth

whose efforts in our great cities...

[Mike] There you are!

[Philip clears throat]

You all right?

Fine.

Her speech.

What about it?

Touching. Unexpectedly touching.

Caught me off guard.

I might even have to confess

to feeling a little...

Homesick?

Yes.

Right.