01x03 - Misfire

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Money Heist". Aired: May 2, 2017 - present.*
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A criminal mastermind who goes by "The Professor" has a plan to pull off the biggest heist in recorded history -- to print billions of euros in the Royal Mint of Spain.
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01x03 - Misfire

Post by bunniefuu »

Can I have a decaf, please?

"Hello, this is
Mariví's answering machine.

When you hear the beep,
you can leave a message."

Mum, I've just finished. It's...

Excuse me, do you have a phone charger?

No.

Do you want to use mine?

HOURS INTO THE ROBBERY

-Really? Don't you mind?
-No, no.

Are you sure? Thanks.

I have to make a couple of calls.

-It's all right.
-Thanks a lot.

SATURDAY : AM

Mum, I've just finished, I'm on my way.

"Superintendent Sánchez,
leave your message."

This is inspector Murillo.
I know it's late,

but I wanted to tell that,
if Intelligence is in charge,

due to I don't know
which type of diplomatic interests,

I'm not going to be your figurehead
while those thugs force their way there.

So I feel obliged...

to resign. Good night.

Good morning.

-Thanks.
-You're welcome.

Excuse me, but you're...

It's you...

"I started telling
the story of a kidnapping,

because everybody will remember
those days of siege

in the Fábrica Nacional
de Moneda y Timbre.

The streets downtown were closed, all TV
channels broadcasted live for hours,

the police burnt their academy manuals

and they didn't know
how to eat that pie in the sky

of those poor wretches trying to print
their own money,

but many other things happened
and nobody remembers them,

things that changed us all

to the point of not knowing
who the bad guys were...

and who the good guys were."

Excuse me,
when you negotiate with those people,

do you give them what they want
or do you just have a chinwag

to buy some time or...?

-Well, don't answer me, I just...
-Every case is different.

Sure, I'm sorry.

But...

But well, yes,

we try to calm things down
and buy some time.

Thanks.

"In fact, we were the ones buying time,

the sentence time is money
had never been better used.

A lot of money.

Every hour we printed eight million euros,

, sheets of paper money
from which we cut

, euro notes.

Everything was so calm
during the hours of dawn

that it seemed the plan
was going smoothly.

The Professor was our Big Brother,

controlled the police radio
and cameras,

so if somebody wanted to f*ck us,

we'd knew it well in advance.

We took turns to watch the hostages,
the entries and of course the production.

After only hours there

the presses had already spit
million euros,

so at that point
we all thought it was possible.

But all that calm was just the dead calm

before the storm,
things were going to screw up so much

we would be on the brink
of losing the game.

And if you ask me why,

I'll say it's due to a simple love story.

After all, love is a good reason
to make everything go wrong."

I'd like to ask you a favour.

May I?

"There's movement,
everyone get ready."

Deputy inspector,
they're opening the doors.

"There are seven men,
armed with M- s, sir."

Don't do anything, all right?

-It's a unique opportunity.
-Don't do anything.

Take off your mask.

I'm begging you, please, not to sh**t.

My name's Mónica Gaztambide.

She's a hostage.

I'm just here to read a statement.

I'm speaking on behalf of the robbers.

We're hostages,

all of us in perfect health
and well cared of.

There are no victims or wounded.
We're all dressed alike

and it's impossible to tell us
from the robbers,

so any attempts of as*ault

-could cost the lives...
-"The Dalí with the megaphone

-is giving her orders.
-The one with the megaphone is a robber."

"I request the green light, sir.

Target at range.

They're coming in, last chance, sir.

Last chance, sir.

They're coming in, I repeat,
they're coming in."

No, don't sh**t.

Don't sh**t, do you hear me? Let them in,

let them go back in.
Do you hear me? Let them in.

"As we have just seen,
the robbers have read a statement

where they said they regret
having hurt the police officers."

It seems the hostages
are in perfect health

"and the assailants
do not intend to use v*olence."

"My daughter, I know
you don't like Paula sleeping in your bed,

but she insisted
and I didn't want to argue with her.

Don't get angry."

We're locked up

and we really don't know
how long this could last,

but as long as they don't blow
my head up, I'll take care of you.

As long as you don't try to trick me,
or communicate with the outside,

everything will be fine.

From now on we're getting organized.

We're giving you some tasks
so you don't feel down.

-What's your name?
-Pablo.

Do you do any exercise?

Yes, I'm the athletic captain at school.

Step forward, captain.

Step forward.

Man!

Arturito.

-Did you sleep well?
-Well, yes.

Fine. Tell me, are you good at DIY?

No, no, sir, I'm totally hopeless.

In fact, when I have a flat tyre,
my wife changed it.

Are you telling me you don't have a drill?

-No.
-Think carefully what you say,

because I have
a f*cking lie detector right here.

Yes.

Let's see... Second chance.
Are you good at DIY?

-I hold my own.
-Step forward.

Would you feel better
if we brought you an anxiolytic?

-Yes, please.
-Very well.

-Does anyone else need medication?
-Me. I'm diabetic.

-Come with Sonsoles, please.
-And me. I'm taking sertraline.

Anyone else?

Me.

I'd like to ask for an abortion pill.

You said you don't know
how many days we'll be here

and I'd like to sort this out
as soon as possible.

You'll get it today. You, come with me,

I'm taking you to Mr Román's office,
you'll be more relaxed there.

I also have a request.

Yes?

I'd like to erase a picture
from the internet.

I'm sorry, that's not in my hands.

I've been tricked,
they took me to a toilet

and they got a picture of me naked.

And now my parents, my teachers,
all the media are seeing it.

You can record a message,
a video, so they calm down,

and we'll send it.

All of you will be allowed
to record messages for your families.

Nairobi, come on.

Come on, tough guys,
your hands behind your head

and move to the left in a row,
sticking your chests out

as if you were the national team.
Move, athlete.

Do you see this dotted line?

You're going to break the concrete
not going one centimetre away from it,

as if it were a cut-out for children.

There are metres downward
until you get to the sewer pipe.

The shift will last three hours.
And when you finish your shift

and you go back with the hostages,
not a f*cking word

about what we're doing down here.

-Any questions?
-No.

That's good, that means I was clear.

Come on, let's get to work.
You, put on the hearing protection

-and take the hammer.
-I've never used one of those.

There's a first time for everything.

And be careful.

You wouldn't be the first one
to lose a foot with that.

-"Dad, mum, I'm fine."
-In Spanish, please.

Hi, dad. Hi, mum.

I'm fine, they feed us
and I've slept in a bag.

Mum, this is not awful, okay?
There's no v*olence.

"Mum", mum.

I guess you've seen the photo
I uploaded on the internet.

I didn't upload that photo and it doesn't
have to do with the kidnapping,

it was a classmate who tricked me and...

I can't.

Do not give so much importance
to this photo. It's...

It's just like when you go topless
on the beach, you know?

Nobody cares.

I don't go topless on the beach.

And I don't kiss with boys
in the toilets of a museum.

When my arm was put in a cast
it was the most exciting thing

that happened to me this year.

A kidnapping is more exciting.

Well, think about
what you're telling your parents, okay?

And calm down, I'll wait for you. Here.

-You're serious. What's wrong?
-Why the f*ck do you care?

I'm just a child, the bedtime hobby
of the last five months, right?

The silly guy with the badge.

I said you were a child
and that I never would be with you

so that you didn't get a b*llet
in your breastbone,

because I don't give a damn
if it's me who gets it.

You don't believe that,
you didn't do it for me.

What's the matter with you all?

Since I came here
you're always making scenes.

They've turned on a phone.

It's Alison Parker's.

Hack it.

You know what's up?
I'm sure you waited for us

to get out of Toledo to start with
all this f*cking sh*t that I'm a child.

She's trying to log in in her profile.

Come on, come on.

If I was your f*cking gigolo,
just tell me.

You were my f*cking gigolo.

You were everything.

-I'm inside.
-Record it.

I don't want to go on
with this conversation.

You have the f*cking nerve
to tell me you're mourning

for your boyfriend, right?
You didn't seem to be mourning

when you asked me
to push you against the wall.

I didn't see the rosary
among your fingers.

If you ever talk to me that way,
I'll smash your face.

Change to selfie camera.

Hey, what the f*ck are you doing?
What the f*ck are you doing?

-No, no!
-f*cking hell, give me that!

Hold on!

It's offline.

Rewind.

Stop it. Double the pixels.

We've got him.

-They're going to k*ll us.
-But what are you saying?

-They're going to k*ll us.
-Hush!

And then they'll run away
using the tunnel we're making for them.

-It'll be a slaughter.
-Shut up, you don't know anything.

Think for a while, huh? Do you think they
are so stupid as to let us free

so we go to the police station
to recognise them? Think, jeez.

-We're f*cked.
-Two times they've told me

I'm a dead man.

-Look what's under the canvas.
-Huh?

Look what's under them.
I'm not staying here

waiting like a guinea pig
on my knees to be k*lled

without doing anything.
Look under the canvas,

see if you find weapons at least, come on.

Hello?

"You call me at in the morning
and leave a confusing message

where you talk about being a figurehead,

thugs and empty words.
Well, I'm not bearing that in mind."

You resign and leave a robbery
with hostages inside.

"I'm phoning you

so you can f*cking tell me
that you won't be in charge of the case."

I will be in charge of it.

Raquel, there are things
which are above you.

"National Security,
the Foreign Office, the CNI..."

But, remember well,
you're the only person I know

"who can solve this without v*olence."

Thanks, superintendent.

And now go back to that tent
and take the lead.

We have the face of one of the robbers.

-I'll cover you, come on.
-No way, no way.

Put your gut into it.
What's the matter, captain?

-No way, no way.
-Weren't you the captain

-of the rugby team?
-Athletics.

Hurry then.

There are containers.

-It's petrol.
-Jesus!

-And amm*nit*on.
-Holy sh*t!

What's that?

Are they dr*gs?

This is heroin. It's heroin, man.

Jeez, leave that right now,
it's the f*cking plastic expl*sive.

Leave it, come to dig, come to dig.

Can anybody tell me why that machine

-isn't working?
-We're resting.

You'll rest when I tell you.
Or when it's your turn.

Okay, we'll go back to it right now.

Inspector, please.

Inspector, is there a conflict
between Intelligence and the Police?

Were the negotiations cancelled
because of your family situation

-after your complaint for ill-treatment?
-What?

That's all, okay?

-How does that scum know that?
-I don't know.

You're already back?

-Have you got a minute?
-Sure.

Colonel Prieto.

Look, I've been a bit nervous
these last hours,

but I'd like our relationship
to be a little smoother.

I think both of us
can contribute a lot in this crisis.

I appreciate your "mea culpa."
So here I am,

completely at your disposal.
But I want you to know,

before there are any misunderstandings,

that I'm a married man.

Raquel, Raquel.

A male, not older than , we recorded him
with Alison Parker's mobile phone.

Identity?

We're on it, facial recognition
are checking the PERPOL.

-I want to see the whole video.
-Play the image.

We couldn't record more than six seconds.

Stop it there.

It looks like a Makarov.

No, it's a Strizh mm, it's also Russian.

It's rare to see them here.

Tell the judicial police to question

all the informers from the East
in control of the black market.

-What's that on the wall?
-Telephones.

Play the images of the back camera.

What do the labels say? Enlarge.

The hostage list?

They're their phones.

Recognition can have his identity

-in an hour or two.
-No, we're not waiting so long.

Don't you find striking
such a special connection?

"I was just about to call you,
at this very moment."

Well, considering I'm the negotiator
and you the robber...

But we shouldn't allow this crime
interfere with our relationship.

Don't know about you,
but I see this as a chance.

-"A chance for what?"
-To get to know each other.

"I assure you that if we had met in a bar,

you wouldn't have paid
any attention to me.

Tell me, inspector."

Have you ever faked an orgasm?

No.

Please, inspector,
I beg you, don't lie to me.

Think about it, please.

Maybe yes, maybe I've done it.

Look, men are programmed to ej*cul*te
within the shortest time.

"Women, to last
the longest time possible."

And that small feature of nature
sometimes is solved with a fake orgasm.

And that's nothing but a small swindle.

A lie.

"Such as last evening's intervention,
with three elite corps.

Inspector, I'm begging you
not to lie to me,

you'll put at risk innocent people."

I won't. And now tell me,
why did you want to call me?

Look, we need food and some medication:

insulin, sertraline, albuterol,
an abortion pill

-"and anxiolytics."
-An abortion pill?

Requests from the hostages.

We all have personal problems,
don't you think?

-You'll get those requests.
-"Fine.

Civil Protection will make the delivery,

in transparent bags
to avoid hidden weapons.

And now tell me,

-you phoned me to..."
-So you surrender immediately.

I've got images from the inside,

"I've got the identity of one of your men.

If I keep on pulling the thread,

I'll know the identity
of the rest of the g*ng."

Inspector, I think...

"I'm offering you a deal
with the public prosecutor."

I can lower your sentences
from to years,

if you get out of there right now.

"Nobody has d*ed
and that gives me a little margin."

I don't think it's a fair deal,
we lose out.

"You've already lost."

Look, in the rare event
you get out of there,

your faces will be in the news,

"police stations and borders.

You're left without a plan B."

-"Then we'll activate plan C."
-You think I'm bluffing, right?

Frankly, yes.

I'll tell you something
so you see I'm not lying:

"you've got mobile phones
attached with velcro on the wall."

I give you one hour to accept my offer.

"Listen, inspec...."

We must call the police
and guide them through the as*ault.

There's a phone in my office,
in a coat that's hanging

-"from a hanger.
-No way."

-Listen, you've had seconds...
-You go!

I can't, I can't.

You know what'd happen
if there's somebody there?

-They'd sh**t me.
-Just like...

I want to hear
that machine working, jeez!

-I don't want to say that again!
-Sorry, sorry, we're sorry.

-He's very tired. Sorry.
-I can't go on.

-Sorry.
-I can't go on.

-I'm going to die, I can't go on.
-Come on, get out of there.

Get out and rest.

"Hello, Professor?"

They have an image
of all the phones on the wall.

There are no security cameras
there, right?

"No, of course not, only the one we set."

So it was one of the hostages.

You missed a phone, so find it

-or we're screwed.
-"Give me permission to punish him.

Either we block them with panic
or they'll keep on playing the heroes."

-What punishment?
-"An exemplary punishment.

-His execution, for example?"
-No.

Find that phone.

Are you really going to abort?

Sorry about what I said yesterday, Mónica.

It was out of place, I was an arsehole.

I've never been a very brave guy,
you know?

I've spent all my f*cking life
doing what the others wanted from me,

never what I wanted to do.

And I needed to be
in a situation such as this, jeez,

with g*ns and b*ll*ts,

to realise what I really want.

And I'm going to think about me.

Me and you.

And that baby you have inside.

I love you, Mónica.

I love you so much, that I know.

You're the best
that's ever happened to me.

I want you to continue with the pregnancy
and I want you to let me be his father.

We're going to have a baby.

And I want to form a family with you
if we get out of here.

What do you mean, if we get out?

-They're digging a tunnel.
-What?

Yes, they have a lot of plastic expl*sive
and petrol containers.

-Stand up!
-It'll be a slaughter.

There's one way: contact the police
and guide them in the as*ault.

I've got a phone in my office,
in the coat.

I don't know how to get there.

-I'll go.
-No, no, no.

There's always a hero...

who thinks he can save the others.

Who thinks...

nobody will notice that he's plotting

a strategy to contact the police.

Bravo.

Congratulations,
because one of you made it,

recorded an image from the inside

and sent it to the police.

"Aníbal Cortés, born in Getafe."

He's an alarm expert, worked for two years

in security companies,
he's associated with the robbery

of a mansion in Geneva.

He's got a warrant issued by the Interpol.

So I'd like to give him
the chance to step forward

so you can all thank him.

And also give me that phone.

He must have visited the Casa de la Moneda
to study the alarm systems.

Check the hard drives
of the security company.

With a bit of luck, maybe he went there
with some other g*ng members.

Helsinki.

Undress him.

-Come on.
-Are you sick or what?

Pay attention.

Come on, take off your shirt.

-Come on.
-It was one of you.

I don't know who it was.

Denver, undress her.

You recorded a video

in the phone room, right?

-What's up?
-I can't breathe.

Let me go with the girls.
Let me go with the girls!

Berlin, I'm taking her away.

-Berlin, Berlin.
-What's the matter now?

I know what happened.

I got distracted for a while
and I saw Alison trying

to erase the f*cking photo, that's all.
A mistake, that's all.

What's up,
have you got an attention deficit?

Because if you're
one of those children with problems,

I should be the first to know.

I haven't got any problems.

Tokyo came in, all right?
And we argued, that's it.

-It won't happen again.
-Now I see.

One more time, it all comes down
to a sentimental reason.

You don't know
how much you remind me of myself.

I was , she was ,
she was my French teacher,

-I was outstanding.
-I don't know what this is about,

-Tokyo isn't .
-She's years older than you.

And when you're young
and you're with a woman

who's halfway through,
everything seems even better.

They've got the experience
teenage girls don't have

and they're even more grateful
than the ugly ones.

My teacher gave me
her mature flesh every time

as if it were my f*cking birthday.
You know why?

Because with you
they savour the lost youth,

before tumbling down the slope of age.

Of course...

Of course there's a small difference
between your love story and mine.

In my case, I wasn't
in a robbery with hostages,

endangering my mates' lives.

"An as*ault
to the epicentre of money,

the most outstanding robbery ever.

Bizarre robbery calls
international attention."

What do you think? Do you want a coffee?

Jesus, we have an officer in the ICU,

hostages,
a lot of guys armed to the teeth

and for the reporters
this is something colourful.

I don't care about the headlines,
what worries me

is that they have too much information
and that doesn't help us.

Are you okay?

I'm going out for lunch.
I'll be back in minutes.

All right.
Listen, the inspector is coming out.

"Move the paparazzi away."

Leave the boxes on the ground
and go back really slowly.

"I've got a phone
in my office, in the coat."

It's very hot here.

The medicine.

I'm going...

Hey!

May I?

Sit down.

Sit down!

The medicine is here.

Hand them out.

-I'm going to sit down.
-Wait.

Come outside.

Come outside.

You may think
what I'm telling you is bullshit.

I don't think
abortion is a very good idea.

Thanks.

"The kidnappers have been locked up
in the Fábrica Nacional de Moneda...."

They're not leaving that place, right?

Those people, I mean.

You must be desperate
to do something like that, right?

That's what makes them so dangerous.

No, but they don't want to hurt anybody.

Well, that's what they said.

So they wouldn't be armed,
don't you think?

Sure, I guess you're right.

But you don't try to rob

the Fábrica de Moneda y Timbre
with a slingshot, right?

"The assailants were surprised by a patrol

while they were trying
to escape with bags of money

and they sh*t
the two officers who tried to...."

The bill, please.

And...? Do you know how many they are?

Because in some places
they say they're seven.

-Excuse me.
-Yes.

Hello?

"Raquel, the boy was at the museum."

How long ago?

"Three months ago, the cameras got him
as part of a guided tour."

Was he alone?

"No, you were right, he was with someone.
Listen, we have the identity

of another robber,
they sent you his picture

from judiciary police,
you should receive it right now."

Ah!

Ah!

-Where have you got it?
-What are you talking about?

-Where is the recorder?
-But what...?

It's a coincidence you're here every day

-asking me questions.
-I don't know...

-Who do you work for?
-Pardon?

-Who the f*ck do you work for?
-I'm not a journalist,

my name's Salvador Martín,
look my wallet. Antonio, please.

-What's the matter, Salva?
-I don't know...

I know him, he comes here every day.

You need dough for the baby, right?

-Yes.
-No, no...

Yes. Listen, this is a robbery,
you may get something for you.

No, not really.

Hide this in your underwear now.

, bucks, you can buy nappies for him

-until he leaves university.
-It's not that.

It's really not that.
I appreciate it, but...

Give me the pill
and I'm going back inside.

Fine.

So what's up?

-He'll screw up your life.
-Pardon?

Your son.
It's better he screws up your life

rather than any
of these m*therf*ckers, or me.

-Are you going to screw up my life?
-Life gets screwed up very easily.

One day you're working smoothly,

four lunatics with Dalí masks come in,

one of them goes crazy,
he sh**t his g*n and f*ck off.

This screws up your life.

Not a baby.

What do you know about what screws me
up? What do you know?

My mother wanted to abort me.

But first she had a snowy spliff
with the horse she had to sell

to pay the abortion.

And the municipal police
arrested her in a shitty portico.

I was born among the jail,
the dr*gs and the police.

And what do you know?

Because it seems your job
is not one adventure after another,

and when you go out
it isn't a party, either.

-Or do you do "kilates"?
-Pilates...

So I was right.
And you go for a drink on Friday.

f*cking sh*t, girl,
another plan screwed up due to the baby.

Who do you go out with?
Where are your friends?

I'll tell you. At home, with their babies.

Do they look screwed up? No, right?

What crazy thing do you do
that you can't do with a baby?

If his father is an arsehole
and he misses it, that's better,

all his affection for you.
Do you know how much he can love you?

What are you doing, Denver?

I'm giving her the pill to abort.

What's up?

Does she need you to put it in her mouth
with a little water?

Abortion is a private thing, right?

Women decide,
but not in front of everybody.

Anyway, I'm...

I'll think about it
until we get out of here.

Wonderful.

I'm glad you want to continue
with the pregnancy. Really.

Now go back to the office with the others.

Did you just come from a stag party?

Or were you going there?

"That wasn't the first time
Berlin put his hand

in the knickers of an honest woman,

but it'd be the first time
he'd take it out so soon.

Maybe Mónica would have preferred
him to let himself go,

follow his instinct
and forget about the phone

that had rung between her legs,
but it wasn't so ."

Denver.

What will happen with our authority
when I tell the others?

"Even Berlin could
distinguish pleasure from duty."

k*ll her.

You heard me.

Let's see.

"For the first time I realised
there was something

that had always been wrong
in all my love affairs.

They had always taken care of me.

But this time it'd be different."

What's up? Jesus, Tokyo, Tokyo. Tokyo!

Jesus, go and find Berlin.

"Listen to me. If anybody
touches him again,"

I swear to God that the next sh*t

will be against Helsinki,
Berlin or against you.

You're out there, free,
while we're risking

"our f*cking lives in this mouse trap."

What?

"Helsinki, put the g*n down."

What are you doing?

Helsinki.

Helsinki.

Put the g*n down.

Don't do it, please.

Why did you have to get
that f*cking phone?

Sorry.

Why the hell did you have to trick me?

Tokyo...

Rio, don't!

Where do you think you're going?
You did more than enough today.

Helsinki.

Do you know what will happen
if I don't k*ll you?

-They'll k*ll me.
-No...

And then they'll k*ll you.

So now what?

"I wasn't even listening to my shouts,
I only wanted to write

a f*cking love letter.
While the g*ns and the gazes

were pointing at me,
reality fell like a concrete slab

and I knew the five months
during which I had believed in something

were over."

Your love story has f*cked up
your escape plan.

"They've got you."

"And Rio too,
the police know who you are."

"You're in every news programme."

For f*ck's sake.

For f*ck's sake, man.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Ah...

Ah...

On your knees.

No.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

-Please.
-Don't f*cking look at me.

Don't f*cking look at me.
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