03x09 - Red Flag

[bunniefuu]

[Joe] Previously on You:

[Love] Cary and Sherry
wanna sleep with us.

[Joe] Opening our marriage, this loophole
cannot be falling into my lap.

[Theo] You've been f*cking buried in here.
Obsessed.

Just move on, okay? She's dead!

Get the f*ck out now!

Just remember. Look at your partner.

[Joe] But I don't want Love.
I don't want any of this.

All I want is you.

- I k*lled Natalie for you!
- Shut up!

Go.

[Joe] Swinging was supposed to be
my marriage's dying gasp, not theirs.

How the f*ck are these two
getting out of here alive?

You wanna give me a report?

I'm good, I'm good. Thanks, babe.

Okay, baby. Um...

I'm gonna have to move us
to a purple flag.

You're holding back.

Recognized.

I was in pain 'cause you got
some tape on my wound.

I didn't want it
to sound like I was blaming you.

Oh, my God. Baby, I appreciate
your concern for my feelings.

I'm moving us back to a green flag.

Stay in purple flag for a sec.

Yeah?

Try that bandage again
because it hurts like a m*therf*cker.

Yes, yeah, just brace yourself.

Breathe, sweetie. Take a deep breath in.

[Joe] I have some f*cking weirdos
in the basement.

Yet, in their own weirdo way,

the Conrads bring out
the best in each other.

Now, Love and me,
we bring out something in each other.

[moans]

That's why I need to get out.

In Love's mind,
we're finally on the same page

and can face adversity as a united front,
which means Love's taken it upon herself

to figure out how to, quote,
"get rid of the Conrads."

And I am tasked with restoring our home
to a state of Rockwell perfection.

Rockwell by way of Bettie Page, anyway.

[Henry cooing]

All while trying to keep
my son's attention on his cartoon.

Don't worry.

After today, we're never doing this again.

[ominous music playing]

[Joe] Unread still.
Where are you, Marienne?

I need you to remind me
there's life beyond this.

What's wrong?

You throw your pacifier? Where is it?

R.I.P. pacifier.

And I have to figure out how to trash
Sherry and Cary's smorgasbord of sex toys.

Make it like this disaster of a night
never happened.

This stuff I should keep.

Could prove useful.

Unlike their lifetime supply
of double-headed dildos,

those I've seen enough of.

What the actual f*ck?

So last night could have gone worse?

f*ck, this is a Chekhov situation now,
isn't it?

If I touch it,
I all but guarantee it gets fired.

Does that apply in real life?

There's a literary trope
that pops up as often as Chekhov's g*n,

where you leave it
and then someone else uses it against you.

Of the two...

Chekhov was a logical man, he'd agree.

At least Henry can't comprehend
what's happening.

I'm trying to protect him, Marienne.

The way no one bothered to protect us.

[boys laughing]

- [boy ] Check this out.
- [boy ] Ooh!

[laughing, chattering]

Nurse Fiona?

Morning.

Morning, Joseph.

Are you okay?

Go hang out with your friends.

Who pissed in her Wheaties?

That guy she's dating hurts her.

What are you gonna do about it?
Gonna b*at him up?

Come on, man. Didn't you learn
from last time with your mom?

[phone buzzing]

- Dante, what's up?
- [Dante] Have you seen Marienne?

I'm having trouble reaching her.

She didn't come into work?

I'm worried she got bad news
about the custody hearing.

- sh*t.
- I hope not.

But, if so,

I might know where she went.

Tell me where. I can go.

Okay, there's this store.

When she was feeling really bad,
she used to sit outside

and entertain going in.

She hasn't done it in a while.

- A liquor store?
- If she's there,

she's not gonna wanna talk to you.

[Joe] I should have been with you,
not in Love's latest mess.

I shouldn't have left you alone.

Hey, Dante, can you watch Henry
for just a little bit?

Oh, my God. Yes.

- Bring the little prince here.
- Thank you. I'll be there soon.

Love thinks I'm getting rid of evidence.
Ought to buy me some time.

I'm coming, Marienne.
Don't do anything you'll regret.

These look amazing.

Thank you.

What's up with him?

Mm, stomach problems, stress.

But honestly, I think these will help.

Cary?

Thank you, Love.

You're both acting f*cking weird.

I mean...

can you blame us?

And what about you? You...

Holding up all right?

Me?

Yeah.

I'm sure you'd rather spend
every spare minute on your letter.

For Henry's school counselor?

f*ck, that was due today.

I did say I'd help.
If you're comfortable with it.

It's super vital to have her on your side
if you wanna get into Ashman.

I'm not gonna let you write a letter
to help get my son into preschool.

No!

Love, see,
you're getting it wrong already.

It's not the admission letter.

It's a letter of introduction

for the counselor who's gonna get
your son into preschool.

Hey, truth?

One mother to another.

In no universe would I ever jeopardize
that baby's future.

And trust me,
you only get one sh*t at Ashman.

So Matthew has video of Joe and me?

I always thought
your husband was an abusive d*ck but...

now, thanks to my dad, there's proof.

So this is what he's been doing?
Recording people?

He's trying to figure out
who k*lled Natalie.

Does he think it was me?

What? No. No, of course not.

I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

Who knows what he thinks?
He's not on his A-game.

He's not recording people.

He's just... He's accessing all the footage

from all the cameras
everyone's already got.

- What the f*ck?
- Okay, okay, look.

He kicked me out.

Theo...

I'm not going back to my f*cking mom's.

I just...

I'm gonna go do my own thing.

You know, go have a life, and, um...

I want you to come with me.

Run away with me, Love.

I care about you, like so...

I love you.

I can't stand it.

Just look me in the eye...

and tell me
that your husband is not a violent man.

Okay.

This is what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna go back to my dad's
and get that footage.

It's gonna be hard proof
that Joe is a piece of sh*t.

I know that it's not admissible

and I know it would get my dad
in a lot of trouble,

but I am saying thr*aten Joe with it.

You can use it to make a clean break.

I know.

I know, it's a lot.

I need to think.

I'm gonna take care of you.

I promise.

Okay?

He's not gonna hurt you anymore.

I'll be back.

Okay.

f*ck you, Dad.

[Joe] This is so far beneath you.

I wanna erase everything that ever
made you think you deserve to be here.

Um, what are you doing here?

Oh, sh*t. My book club meets here.

- What are you...?
- Dante.

We were worried.

- What happened?
- Please don't talk to me

in that tone of voice like I'm about
to jump off a g*dd*mn building.

Have you?

Sometimes I just like to sit
and count the creases in the paper bag.

[Joe] You're embarrassed.
You don't want me to see you like this.

Did the judge rule against you?

Are you surprised?

Ryan's taking her away from me.

- You can fight it...
- They're moving to New Jersey.

He's got a new job lined up,
a huge opportunity,

cable news and...

could it be any more perfect than that?

[Joe] Son of a bitch.

I was so stupid
to take this back to court.

- I got greedy.
- You deserve everything you want.

And more.

Yeah.

You can tell Dante I'm fine.

Look.

Fine.

You can go.

I get it.

There are times I hate myself... too.

So much I can barely stand it.

I k*lled someone.

When I was little.

He was hurting my mom, so I sh*t him.

That's how I ended up in a home.

So you aren't the only person

who's haunted by shame.

Joe.

Do you think now that I deserve
all the bad things that happened to me?

No, of course not.

- You were a kid.
- My mom felt differently.

Yeah, well, f*ck her.

She was your mom. I would never...

Exactly.

You would never.

That is the kind of mother you are.

I struggle...

every day with the fact that I'm capable
of doing something like that.

I hate that I did it, but I did it.

And I have to figure out
how I'm gonna live with it.

And Henry makes it worth it.

- Yes.
- Mm.

- Yes, and I did not see that coming.
- Mm-hm.

Yeah, neither did I.

I just want her back.

You're gonna figure that out.

That's what people like us do.

I don't need to cause any more damage.

You can't.

I'm serious. No matter
how broken my marriage is,

it has nothing to do with you.

It's done.

I'm ending it.

I would do anything for you.

It's just, ask. Just ask me.

What am I supposed to do now?

What do you want?

[Joe] This.

This is real.

I don't have to pretend with you.

I'm the real me. This is our beginning.

I'll find a way to fix everything,
so that this is our every day.

[phone buzzing]

[phone chimes]

[vocalizing]

Cary, you're off-key.

You're not gonna get
the parasympathetic response.

I'm not looking to reduce heart rate.

I'm seeking a state of readiness.

What?

You're gonna break us out of here?

I'm sensing a little bit of a tone.

Well, I'm in a cage and you're planking.

Do you have a plan?

Yes, use everything
that's at our disposal.

- My brute strength...
- Our relationships.

Your friendship with Love?

If you two were friends,

why didn't she tell you about
the dungeon in her basement?

[door opens]

- Hi, Love.
- Hey.

Okay, you could have asked.

Since you're in my phone,

I send my twins a check-in e-mail
every day that they're at camp.

Yeah, sure. I'll send one.

Thank you so much.

So, um...
why did you wanna get into my phone?

Just thought
I should make sure you check in

with your adoring masses.

You're gonna be off the grid
learning how to make placenta tea,

so no posts for a while.

God, you're so smart, Love.

- Even under stress and...
- Stop trying to be my friend.

We are friends.

Were, are... I'm sorry.
I don't know how to talk to you

- in this situation.
- Then why are you talking to me?

Because my life is at stake.

And, also, I happen to care about you
and apparently that didn't go away.

Kind of always knew you had secrets.

I just thought
I knew why you were so hush-hush.

Because Madre Linda is a nest
full of narcissistic vipers?

I mean, yeah, of course.

'Cause narcissism is control.

Do you know how terrifying it is
to not feel like you're in control?

Especially with a kid.

And... who isn't trying
to control us, Love?

We're two women who are smarter
than everyone else

and people can't stand that.

I mean, my influencer bullshit means
I get to choose my flaws.

What gets criticized, when they even see.

It's how I protect myself and my family.

Look where that got you.

[laughing]

Yeah.

I guess one could argue,

I was in a cage of my own making
the moment I had kids.

No, got married.

And at some point,
it all feels like the game is rigged.

This was all and... Hilariously inevitable.

Theo tried to convince me
to run away with him.

You're sh1tting me!

He's totally in love with you,
and I knew it.

[Sherry laughs]

I mean, it's, like, super gross
but I think that's kind of hot.

[both laughing]

- Ew.
- Shh.

He also told me that Matthew

has been stealing surveillance footage,
hoping to find out who k*lled Natalie.

He won't find anything.

You should out him.

- What?
- What do you mean?

On my blog. Yeah, you should say
that we found out that Matthew

has been watching us. He's a creep.

Out him.

Just my opinion.

[Joe] I thought I knew what love was.

Beck was a child.

And Love? She fooled me into believing
she was someone she wasn't.

The only thing I'm thankful for,
she brought our son into the world

and led me to you.

It's you, Marienne.

[phone buzzing]

Oh, no.

[Love on voicemail]
Joe, Theo got information.

Just call me back as soon as you get this.

[Joe] I left her to her own devices
for too long.

God knows what she...
The Conrads are probably dead.

Maybe she b*rned their house down,
then bashed Matthew over the head.

g*dd*mn it, Love.

Who's that, Joe?

Joe...

Thank you.

You were right.
I can't just give up on Juliette again.

I can't let her feel
that her mother could ever abandon her.

So I'm leaving Madre Linda.

You're leaving?

Follow them to New Jersey,
even if it means sleeping in my car,

flipping burgers, whatever it takes.

[Joe] I'm going to lose you.

I don't regret this.

[Joe] Good, good.

But how can I stop this
from being the end for us?

Go home, Joe.

Can I at least get my clothes back?

I guess that seems fair.

[Joe] This wasn't the plan,
but I can't blame you.

You're trying to solve
an impossible problem,

and that problem is Ryan.

[Travis] Why don't you just sleep
in your office? I don't care.

[Fiona] Travis!

What did you do?

[Joe] Chekhov, you fucker. I can't, right?

That's the guy Love wants me to be.

Then again, people like us,
we figure it out.

Ryan has to die.

[Joe] Is that our doorbell cam?

Yeah, ripped it out. Where's Henry?

He's with Dante. I wasn't clear
on when our guests are checking out.

Yeah, I've been preoccupied.

So, turns out,
our friendly neighbor has been hacking

into everyone's security cameras
for months.

- [Joe] sh*t.
- Yeah.

He thinks
his wife's k*ller is still out there.

Oh, does he?

Yeah, but thank God
for Sherry Conrad who found out

and took it upon herself
to blog about it a half hour ago.

[Joe]
It must be said, Love's good at all this.

Say more, please.

It seems like she found out
what he was doing,

so she and Cary fled
to some undisclosed location.

Whole town's in an uproar.

[Joe] Scary good.

Which explains a whole slew of suits
that just descended on the Engler house.

My best guess, it's a bunch
of lawyers scrambling to cover up

all the insanely illegal sh*t
he's been doing.

Wow.

You really have been busy.

Yeah. Well, as were you, it seems.

[Joe] sh*t. The other shoe drops.

The house looks amazing.

Good as new, right?

Quite the team, aren't we?

[Joe] In the worst way.

f*ck.

- What...? What is this?
- [Joe] Anton cackling in his grave.

I found that in Cary's stuff.

- Cary?
- Yeah.

That psycho brought a g*n into our house?

These people are more f*cked up
than I thought.

Um, okay.

Perfect. We could make it look
like a m*rder-su1c1de.

Worked for us before.

[Joe] Listen to her. Our marriage
cannot end soon enough.

Great minds...

[Matthew] Okay.

You want me to wipe it? I hear you.

You're not hearing me
because I'm not saying that.

We need to be clear.

You're erasing everything you've gathered
of your own volition and entirely alone.

[Matthew]
And throwing the whole thing away

because, damn it,
I just felt like an upgrade. Got it.

Hey, I'm sorry,
I was just coming to look for my charger.

If I could just get
a little more time here, please.

Show me the thing that's haunting you.

If there's more,
I will do everything I can to help.

I don't trust my neighbors.

- Joe seems okay, but the wife, Love.
- The Quinn, of course.

Yes, Love saw Natalie
the day she disappeared, and she is off.

Okay. Okay, let's see it.

Nat arrives, then she goes in...

Then drives away. What am I missing?

She stayed in there for a while,
then she comes out.

There's a second missing,

and she's wearing
that coat and hat, and...

Keep going.
Do you think that's not Natalie?

I know how it sounds.

Okay, it's not her.
It's the Quinn who k*lled her,

broke her ring to destroy the bio-data,
staged it at a rest stop,

dropped off her car,
and k*lled Gil Brigham too,

of all people.

Made it look like a su1c1de
to frame him for m*rder.

- I am trying...
- I know what it sounds like.

Or Natalie was a beautiful,
flawed person with secrets.

Part of her wasn't
who you thought she was.

I don't f*cking believe that, okay?
I can't f*cking believe that.

I just keep thinking.
If I look harder, I'm gonna see it.

Okay, you have combed
through this thoroughly. Am I wrong?

You have to decide if you're gonna
let this hunch destroy you,

your company, this family.

These people are coming for you.
It needs to be gone.

You did the right thing.

So... I haven't seen Joe much.

Can you...?

I'll get him a new one.

Yeah.

God. You know, it doesn't seem fair.

This all. I mean, Joe's the reason
we're all in this position

in the first place.

You didn't do what you did to Natalie

because the Englers were stealing
your Wi-Fi.

You were trying to tell me
how disconnected you felt.

Of course.

Your husband's
screwing someone else while you're what,

changing diapers?

Sherry, shut the f*ck up.

Where is he now?

f*ck him. Letting you fix a marriage that
never stood a chance in the first place.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Easy, hon!
- Is that my nine?

Just sit and be quiet.

New rules. One of you takes this,
sh**t the other.

I let whoever lives out.

- Are you insane?
- Wait, what?

Well, if your marriage is so perfect,
stay together, die together.

[door opens]

[door closes, then locks]

[dramatic music playing]

[Joe] This is the part of myself
I told you I struggle against.

It took bros in the woods to teach me
it's not something I need to reject.

It can be embraced for the right reasons.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

[Joe] He looks like a man riding high
on a string of recent victories.

Big new job, full custody of his kid.

Thanks to Cary Conrad's
black-market elephant tranquilizer,

Ryan's tox report will tell the story,
a guy trying to outrun the demons.

Sadly, the demons won.

I know from my recon
that Ryan is the kind of nutjob

who thinks taking the stairs
will add years to his life.

Well, the irony.

Wait, where's he going?

[elevator bell dings]

The elevator, you lazy piece of sh*t.

You following me, assh*le? Huh?

[Joe] f*ck.

You gotta be kidding me.
My ex put you up to this, Library Joe?

- No, that was me.
- No? All right.

- Speak up. I can't hear you.
- I just want to talk.

Talk, really? Talk.

With this?

[Joe] New trope: wishing you had Chekhov's g*n to fire.

I think I'll call the cops.

Great. I'll tell them
about the dr*gs in your car.

You tell that bitch,
she's lucky I didn't k*ll you.

You got it?

[thuds]

[Joe] Simple overdose is out,

but he was wasted,
stepped too close to the edge,

even took a tragic leap.

It all works, so long as this bastard's...

Alive?

[groans]

[grunting]

One person cuts out before Shavasana,
I'm doing -to-life.

You don't have it in you.

[dramatic music playing]

[Ryan gasps]

That's for her.

Robbery-homicide may have to do.

[woman] Oh, my God. Help!

- [Joe] Always stay through Shavasana.
- [woman] Help! Somebody call !

What are you doing back there?

What the f*ck?

Holy sh*t.

[Love on voicemail] Hey.
You've reached Love Quinn-Goldberg.

Please leave me a message
and I'll get back to you soon as I can.

Love, hi, it's me. Where are you?
We need to talk right now.

There's no saying this is bulletproof.

Do you really think she would have
given us a g*n if it wasn't?

God, will you just finish already? Oh!

Babe, I am trying.

I don't know how you're so regular
without any soluble fiber.

You know what, Sher,
it's like you think we're on a train.

We'll reach our stop,
the door will magically open.

Right. 'Cause I'm not crawling
up the walls like a moron.

Oh, yeah.

'Cause your plan, unlike my sh*t,
is proving to be real f*cking solid.

Hello?

Love?

You here?

Love?

Love?

You know,

we need to start thinking about the kids.

We really need to consider their future.

That's not just an argument
for me to be the one to get out.

Wait...

Why would thinking about what's best
for the kids be an argument for you?

Name Cole's geo tutor.

Monica.

Monica's math.

Who the f*ck has
a geo tutor, Cary? No one!

You know what?

We're not gonna f*cking debate
which parent gets to live!

f*ck this.

- What are you doing?
- Stand back!

Man, guy told me this would go
through an engine block.

[sobbing] You sh*t...

my ear.

Oh, my God.

sh*t, sh*t. Let me...

- Just let me see.
- Stay away from me.

- I know head trauma.
- Stop.

[yelling] Get
the hell away from me, honey!

Hey!

Hey.

[Sherry] They're murderers, Theo!

We think they k*lled Gil too.
They blamed it all on him.

Wait. Where's Love?

- What do you mean, "Where's Love?"
- Theo, she's half of it!

Don't be an idiot!

She caught her husband cheating
with your stepmom and she m*rder*d her.

Now she's delivering a letter to
a preschool counselor half an hour away.

Like she doesn't have two people
locked in her basement.

She'll be back any minute.

I am not exactly in a position
to lie to you right now, am I?

- Get us out of here, Theo.
- No. You don't know her situation.

- Joe is the one that k*lled Natalie.
- Joe didn't f*cking k*ll her!

Let us out! Now! Find the key!

Let us out!

[Joe] You'll never believe that he's dead.

Not just because people like Ryan
never seem to die

but because he taught you that you don't
deserve a second chance, but you do.

We both do.

I don't feel bad about this.

It isn't like what Love does.
She is crazy, impulsive.

But real evil has to be dealt with

and you don't do that by letting it live
to take good people down.

Hey, it's Fiona.

Something happened.

[phone buzzes]

[Dante on voice recording]
Hey. Wondering if I should put Henry down.

I'm not sure when Joe's coming.
Let me know. No presh.

What?

[clearing throat]

Hey, Dante.
Yeah, thank you so much for taking him.

Let me double-check with Joe. If I can't
reach him, I'll call you in a sec.

Thank you.

[voice recording sends]

[door opens]

Oh, f*ck. You scared me.

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing, nothing.

Um...

Is that a key?

I know that it's not true.

What the Conrads said that you did.

What did the Conrads say I did?

That you k*lled Natalie.

I found footage from the day
that she disappeared.

It was Joe.

I know what he is.
You don't have to protect him anymore.

I need you to leave.

I need you to leave Madre Linda
and never come back.

Come with me, then.

I can't.

It's my family.

We can never...

see each other...

ever again.

You have to promise me.

Theo, I need you to promise me.

Okay.

I promise.

Whatever you want.

Okay.

Okay, you need to go. Now.

I need you to give me the key back.

Um...

- What about...? What are you...?
- No. Don't worry.

I'm gonna let them out,
the second you leave.

Of course.

Okay.

I'm gonna go.

Goodbye, Love.

Theo, wait.

[gasping]

[theme music playing]