04x08 - Broken Toys

[bunniefuu]

Can't do the eyes.

Dope.

You'll get it, brother.

Cousin.

Oh.

For the love of God.

What's older? Me or this oven?

Don't answer that.

Nice and hot. Here you go.

-What's that face?
-Tastes nasty.

Bad eggs.

Try it.

Hell no.

A rotten one can ruin the whole bunch.

Hmm.

-Just put it in?
-Mmm-hmm.

If they sink, they're good.

Better to catch it now.

Okay, now we have to start all over.

Now, where is that baking powder? Here we go.

Vanilla, brown sugar, flour. Who wants to help?

You and me,

we got a real opportunity here.

What am I supposed to tell them?

Just keep 'em busy.

The people who live in a surveillance van outside of my house?

Yeah, them. They don't trust you?

I've given them nothing.

Well, you better give them something.

-They're gonna see right through it.
-Not if you play it smart.

I'll end up in jail.

I'm not asking you.

Well, I'm not doing it.

You know there's worse places to end up, right?

I thought you needed me.

I do.

Well, there you go.

But not your family.

You feel me?

Keep your head up, champ. You're playing the long game here.

You guys. Say something, anything.

Who exactly do we work for now?

You mean whodon'twe work for.

See, that's the part I'm having a problem with.

And why does he have us printing?

I don't know.

What's it for?

It didn't come up.

How are we supposed to keep it secret from the Secret Service?

-Let's just pack it up.
-Yeah, right.

Did you figure out where his money goes?

-Not Mediterranean Avenue.
-Not anywhere.

DC is not going to keep the tab going much longer.

They'll take our deal away.

You know what he'll take away?

Like we have anything left to lose.

Our kids.

What if she's protecting him?

She can't think we're that stupid.

She's not thinking with her brain.

-He is pretty hot.
-Stupid hot.

So, we're back to where we started.

The man's like IBS.

Ain't no cure.

You never know when it's gonna strike.

Well, now she thinks another baby is gonna fix everything.

First three didn't.

I got four.

I told her, I said, "Honey, the time I
spend on the saddle, the sac is cashed."

Wait, is that. Is that really a thing?

It's a perk.

What was it like?

Oh.

This?

-Big house.
-Yeah.

It's kind of a party.

-Come on, man.
-No, seriously.

Food wasn't that bad. I got to work out all the time.

Plus, I had my own cell, so.

How'd you swing that?

My first cellie tried to steal my ramen.

So I b*at him within an inch of his life.

Over ramen?

Took his nose off.

With my teeth.

Jesus!

I'm just busting your cashed sac, bud.

-You wanna know what it's really like?
-Yes.

It's kinda like, um. being in an elephant exhibit at the zoo.

Dude.

And all the other elephants think you are their wife.

Dude.

-And it's your honeymoon.
-Dude.

And they won't stop until they put a baby in you.

I'm kidding!

-I'm not believing a word from this guy.
-Look, I did sell cars.

Yeah, he can sell bottled water to fish.

I also sold hot tubs.

Dean, how do you feel about men's skincare?

Uh.

-Neutral.
-Mmm. Well.

-We about to change that for you, buddy.
-Hmm.

You ever heard of "the system"?

That's like a pyramid thing, right?

No. More like a multi-level opportunity.

-I mean, skincare is not really my jam.
-It's not really about that.

There's a good chance I'm probably
going back to the elephant exhibit.

That's exactly why you need the system.

Right. And you don't just get a bunch of products,

you get a support network.

Well, that sounds good.

Cool. Just, you know, let me put a think on it, you know.

Mmm-hmm.

All the time you need.

Hey, we're not just into you for your skin.

Tina's ovulating.

-Oh.
-Let's get back on the road, yeah?

It's go-time.

When you get out of bed in the morning,

and throw your uniform on,

what do you expect out of your day?

I mean, a livin' wage? Maybe. A reasonable amount of breaks? Okay.

But what does any of that mean if you don't have respect?

-Like when the customers get handsy?
-Sure.

Yeah, that's a part of that.

But we get tipped way more when we let that happen.

She's right.

Yeah, I'm thinkin' more about how you're valued as an employee.

You guys got a health plan?

-Dental?
-No.

What about paid sick leave? How about day care?

You know we got none of that.

Well, these are the investments that an employer should make.

Why?

'Cause you are crucial to the success of this company. Right?

I mean, picture a McDonald's without a Ronald.

Imagine green beans without the Jolly Green Giant.

Charles Schwab without Mr. Schwab.

Exactly. Okay. You are the face of this business.

No one's looking at our faces.

-And what does Gene give you in return?
-Ten percent of our tips.

That's not day care.

Well, we can take home the extra food from the private parties.

Not paid sick leave. Not dental.

It ain't.

He's not wrong.

And definitely not respect.

Yeah, Stan's right.

-We deserve it.
-Yeah.

-Screw that guy.
-Mmm-mmm.

He lies,

he cheats, he takes better care of
these poles than he does any of you.

-He's right. That's messed up.
-We deserve better.

Enough.

-So, what do you want us to do, Stanimal?
-Yeah.

How do you strip without taking any clothes off?

You don't.

But people come to see the booty.

That's my point.

So they won't come.

Now you're gettin' it.

Okay, well, that's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Okay, look.

Gene doesn't have a club without the girls, right?

So eventually he'll have to come to me to negotiate.

Or he just sacks all of you and starts over.

Then we do a sit-in. Old-school style.

-Handcuff ourselves to the stage.
-I take it back.

-Force his hand.
-That'sthe dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, that's what the girls said, too.

Hey, that's mine.

-Let go!
-I had it first!

You can't go in my room.

Mom says you have to share.

Hey, let Danny have it.

He wants it 'cause I was playing with it.

Give it to your sister.

You gave it to me for my birthday.

-Like, three years ago.
-Ow!

A little help here would be nice.

This one's better. The legs bend.

Let me see.

That one's busted.

It'll keep her busy.

Should we be mad or impressed?

-How do you always lose your key?
-What do you care? It's never locked.

It's always locked.

Hasn't been the last ten times we've come here.

Because I always have my key.

Yo, I thought we finished his run.

This one's not for him.

Know what time I have to be at the salon tomorrow?

So he's the toy they want, right?

You're gonna be late.

But we can't give them the toy they want.

I should text my boss.

So we're gonna give them the broken toy.

The hell you talkin' about?

I literally just told you.

-Not in English.
-Okay.

The broken toy's gonna keep them busy over here,

while the good toy can go off and do God knows what.

-I'll just call in sick.
-I would.

So, what you're saying is we're basically framing someone.

Yes.

But. who?

Oh, my God, that is the best part.

Because it's.

There it is!

Fast hands!

Come on! Jab.

Keep your chin down. Jab.

Son of a g*n.

Oh. That's good.

My buddy might disagree.

Now he won't.

Good, good!

With the hook. Right there. Come on! Come on!

One more.

All right. Good work.

Yo, Champ.

Your cousin.

Hurry up. He doesn't seem happy.

Don't be pissed.

-I can't keep covering for you, Champ.
-Nick?

This. This is too much.

For making me look good.

-You played a great round, sir.
-Thanks to you.

You got your head in the wrong game.

Look familiar?

-I wondered where I left that.
-Yeah.

-I was gonna keep it, but.
-It's not your style.

You look better in it.

Thank you.

Um.

Do you have a minute?

I have this coconut milk.

I had a coupon so I thought I'd try it or just.

-So what's the deal?
-.plain cream.

With you and him?

What do you mean?

Well, you're just not his typical colleague.

Well, maybe we're. more friends.

Not his typical friend.

You don't even know me.

I just think that you should be careful.

Hey, anyone who wears a cardigan shouldn't be doing what he does.

What are you, a priest?

Just trying to help.

I'm fine.

Uh.

Look.

Tell your neighbors. And hold on to that.

You could've just given it to your brother-cousin or whatever.

Why? Do you wish it was him?

No.

Good.

Which is it, by the way? Brother or cousin?

Family.

And thanks for the coffee.

I kind of like coconut milk.

What's this?

An offer.

How tall are you?

Five-two-ish.

With or without heels?

Uh.

-You ever compete?
-For what?

Well, she looks like a gymnast.

You know Gabby Douglas?

-The Flying Squirrel.
-Yeah.

-Does she work here?
-No. Uneven bars. She won.

Can you touch your toes?

Yeah.

How about the splits?

We're trying to do some business here.

I wanna pay off Stan's debt.

Mercedes.

Throw this in the microwave, would ya?

-How long?
-Baked potato. Thirty seconds.

Looks like a fair amount.

Twice as much as he owes you.

Must really be worth it.

The best.

The greatest.

I agree.

Great. We have a deal.

No.

Can't replace the greatest.

Fine. What's your number?

-It's not possible.
-Triple?

-Serious flex.
-Like your Flying Squirrel.

Quadruple?

Got dolla', dolla' bills.

Where'd a bunch of b*tches like you get
a bunch of money like this, though?

Oh, now you've got a moral code?

I just don't do business with b*tches, that's all.

I'll take it upstairs, baby doll.

Auditions are Sunday.

That guy is a giant turd.

What?

Nothing. I just have never heard you say the word "turd" before.

Well, he is.

-Way more than that.
-He's a giant piece of--

Do you think he knew the money was fake?

That turd just gets off on keeping a good man down.

Okay.

So we break into his car and we load up the trunk.

How does that get it in the club?

Well, he parks it right outside in his spot.

Then Rizzoli and Isles know it's a setup 'cause of the LoJack.

Ladies.

What if we just mailed a box of fake dough to the club?

Ladies?

No, 'cause then we'll get busted for
mail fraud on top of everything else.

Ladies!

Occam's razor.

What?

The problem-solving principle

that says entities shouldn't be
multiplied without necessity. Come on.

She gets her GED and now she's Stephen Hawking?

Sometimes, the simplest way

is the right way.

What is going on here?

Eggs and legs.

Carving station's legit.

You said you wanted to know where it goes.

Where what goes?

It's not enough to sell a DA.

Mmm.

Could we grab another round of mimosas?

Can I have some change?

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

Is that enough?

Mr. Varna needs help with his clubs.

You wanna handle it from the trunk.

That way, you don't disturb this right here.

This is called a root ball.

Tree's got a sac.

Fine. Yes, it's a sac, which is why you should protect it more.

-Okay?
-What do you use for backfill?

Peat moss.

Hmm.

Hey, we're open to suggestions.

I mean, I like bone meal personally.

That sounds. nasty.

Makes them grow.

Like. human bones?

You should see my tulips.

Damn!

Uh.

You do know that these are at-risk kids, right?

Yeah, amazing.

Yeah, but you just sent them on a
m*rder spree in the name of gardening.

-But the city's gonna look great, so.
-Okay.

I. I didn't think you'd come.

I didn't think councilmen actually did anything.

Oh, we try not to.

No. This is more of a. campaign promise.

You know how that goes.

What's your brother think?

Cousin.

Whatever.

I'm not him.

It's just a choice, right?

Not always.

Whyareyou here, Elizabeth?

I just want to plant a tree.

Now you're stuck here.

Yo, Councilman!

Coming.

-Hi. Thank you.
-Sure.

Ready when you are.

I don't even know why I'm here.

Is it Bring-a-Total-Stranger-to-Work Day?

Mmm, next week.

Then you must've broken the law.

That's cute.

How'd it start?

Huh?

-What's this?
-It's not money.

Don't know anything about that, my friend.

Oh, really? 'Cause your club's got more of it than toilet paper.

It's.

It's not my club.

It's his, right?

That's why he should be here and not you.

He's not a bad guy.

What kind of guy is he?

Liquor, cigarettes. Whatever the kids would buy.

Then we got into gift cards.

Applebee's, Chili's, Michaels, Bed Bath & Beyond.

Man, we hit a triple-B so hard once,
they had to stop givin' out those coupons.

Then his doctor bills kept comin' in, comin' in.

Heart medications.

All these boner pills.

And that's. that's when we started knocking off the pharmacies.

You know Xanny bars, those patches with the fentanyl?

Yeah.

Nursing homes ain't cheap.

And the man treated me like his own grandson.

If it wasn't for him, I'd still be in Philly

selling fireworks out of my damn trunk.

Did I dabble in hillbilly heroin and some other things? Oh, yeah!

Guilty as charged!

You haven't been charged.

Then lock me up!

Actually, for anything you confessed.

That's why this country's great.

People care about people.

Who the hell is that?

Wedding?

Bris.

Mmm, quite a turnout.

It's apparently quite a penis.

Thanks for giving us that guy, by the way.

Oh, yeah. Anything good?

Oh, my God. Tons.

-Really?
-Mmm.

-Confessed to pretty much every crime.
-Wow.

Except for anything having to do with your g*ng buddy.

Well, those guys all protect each other.

Mmm, this guy pretty much gave up everyone he's ever worked with.

Well, he's lying.

Remember after boot camp, when I asked you to get a juice?

-Mmm-hmm.
-You said you had to pick up the kids.

Right.

Did you really have to?

You want to get a juice? Let's go get a damn juice.

They're rounding you all up tomorrow.

It's not over yet.

Dave wants to go home.

What do you want?

Just pick a side.

Look who got her head in the game.

I didn't do it for you.

Aw. That hurts.

Mmm.

Be for real with me. Who's more fun?

It's all there.

Me or your van people?

What do you think?

That's a wrap.

Hey, I'm not gonna make weight.

You got me this new stove. I gotta try all the burners.

-Don't make me regret it.
-The old one worked fine.

Yeah, if you didn't need to use the oven.

Taste that.

It's going back.

Don't you dare.

That's him.

-Come on!
-Ten years.

If this was a bar, I'd card you.

-Stop!
-You wanna lock it in with R-cubed.

Rejuvenate, refresh, rewind.

Hey, baby.

-Buzzkill.
-Beth?

You look so young, she didn't recognize you.

Excuse me, boys.

They're leaving soon, I promise.

Ride got a late start 'cause Vance was at some conference.

Is that.

Is that okay?

We got him.

"Him" him?

I call dibs.

-You can't do that.
-Just did.

Then I call rank.

-I got a better angle on him.
-What's that?

These.

-Means nothing.
-To that guy?

It'll get you about as much as this.

I think he's more into these than that.

Trust me. You never know.

-Okay. Rock, paper, scissors.
-Fine.

-Still using these.
-Sure. If you can find 'em.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Private meeting. No one's allowed in.

-We are.
-'Cause of this.

-Under orders.
-So are we.

Mine are from above.

Ours are above your above.

Uh.You can't. You can't go in. You.

Where is he?

He walked.

-What?
-That's impossible.

DA didn't charge him.

Guess there's someone above all of us.

You owe me.

Add it to the list.

So what do we do about her?

Well, not what you wanna do.

Don't see any other way.

That's why you got me, brother.

Cousin.

-Right.
-Right.

You hungry?

Wear your seatbelt.

-What do you know about mail fraud?
-It's bad.

Mmm-hmm. Get-you-five-years bad. How about tax evasion?

Real bad.

Ten to twenty.

What about, uh, inappropriate behavior with an exotic animal?

Swear to God. Something with a hedgehog.

Why are you asking me this?

'Cause you add all that up, that's how long Gene is out of our lives.

Ding-dong.

You know what this means?

Yeah. The witch is dead. That's why I said "ding-dong."

We're free, baby.

How's it feel, boo?

I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch alive.

What?

The hedgehog might have you b*at.

Yeah. Not alive anymore.

Left?

Or right?

-Left.
-What?

I'm sorry. Right. I meant right.

It's the right side. It has way less lines.

You look great.

It's only 'cause the system works.

And I could do it anywhere.

Like, I could do it in Nevada.

How much does all this cost?

I mean. I think you have to think of it as an investment.

We're getting in at the ground floor.
Who knows where this thing can go?

Only up.

Really?

Yeah. Now that you're a part of it.

Thanks.

I'll go see Vance to go over the products
one more time before I meet corporate.

All right.

-Obviously the right side.
-Go. Go.

I won't be late.

You'll wake the kids.

I didn't have a choice.

Yeah, you did.

-No, they--
-You just didn't choose me.

Please don't hurt my kids.

I ain't gonna hurt nobody.

But I turned you in.

Got you something.

New gig?

Promotion.

More like. reward.

They're all the same.

Could have had my back.

I did.

How?

I'm the one who ended up doing the six-month stretch, cousin.

Brother.

Got banned from the gym.

Don't need it.

Trainer dropped me.

You don't need that, either.

Oh, yeah?

What do I need?

Stolen clubs.

Liquor from the bar.

Register at the pro shop.

Why?

Now they trust me.

Now they'll believe anything you tell them.

We can do whatever we want.

They'll never see us coming.