04x14 - Thank You for Your Support

[bunniefuu]

.because crime isn't just something that's downtown.

It's in our community.

And if we don't do something about it right now,

the robberies, the drug dealing, the gangs,

they're going to show up in our backyard

or our front steps or even our kitchens.

And, personally,

I want to live in a world where I don't have to lock my front door

or watch my back every time I go to the grocery store

or worry that someone's parked on my street waiting for me to leave

so they can just come in and take whatever they want.

I want to go back to that Ashfield,

and I know you do, too.

And that's why I'm running for City Council,

to proudly represent Ward .

How was it?

It was long.

Did you understand it?

Parts were funny.

-You're really doing this, huh?
-Was it that bad?

Uh. The principal wants to see us again.

Didn't do it.

Okay. One more time, from the top.

Street crime.

You got your petty theft, dr*gs, carjacking, what have you.

Now this is where you ladies come in.
Some of that money gets washed right here.

The rest turns into counterfeit.

Then it goes across the border and comes back clean.

But now they gotta launder it

or else the IRS starts asking all these questions.

So you have your little mom and pops,

electrical companies, plumbing, materials, construction.

Oh, I'm the banker.

-Oh.
-Uh-huh.

Those same companies pay for protection,

kickbacks to your boy.

He's not our boy. Why does everyone--

And in return, they get.

-Body glitter.
-Contracts.

From a shell company.

Owned by guess who?

g*ng friend's fairy godfather?

That's what we're calling him?

Works for me.

-This is where it gets a bit complicated.
-Oh, jeez.

The shell companies are hired by the city to build whatever projects

g*ng Fairy Godfather could get approved.

Which is why he needs you in that seat.

But we don't know what his next project is.

Which is whyweneed you in that seat.

To bring them all down!

Any questions?

Yeah.

How much of this do we have to understand to get our deal back?

None of it.

Good. 'Cause you lost me with that cutlet.

There's no deal.

-He's here on vacation.
-So are you.

-Not really.
-Well, I'm calling it a vacation.

Mmm, I'm calling it "suspended for
misplacing a suitcase full of fake cash

while having drinks with a 'friend.'"

So just to be clear, there's nothing in it for us.

How about not going away for all of this?

Now, would that be to a Canadian prison?

Does that matter?

I think I could handle it.

Can we keep our cut from all this?

-Yeah.
-We all go home winners.

-What if I can't win?
-You're a natural.

She doesn't know jack about politics.

She's great at pretending to be something she's not.

Okay, look, there's nothing to win.

You're just filling an open seat.

That was mine.

Just get the signatures.

Ninety-seven, ninety-eight.

.ninety-nine, one hundred!

And I nominate my buddy, Bob Allen,

a hundred pushups, a hundred seconds.

Why are you doing this?

He called me out on Insta.

Uh, whoa. Everyone at the office did it.

So what?

So, if I flake, I'd look like I don't wanna save teacup pigs.

Do you believe this?

I did it last week.

All right, show of hands.

Who here even knows what a teacup pig looks like?

A teacup pig?

-Thank you.
-What's up, boys?

Can I talk to you guys for a sec?

Yeah.

Don't worry, we won't nominate you.

No, now you have to. 'Cause I don't wanna be the only one.

Um, so where are we at?

-With what?
-You know, my whole situation.

-Working on it.
-Yeah.

Okay, you guys say that every time.

You can't just stick it in Lady Justice.

Yeah, she's got to want it.

My wife is running for City Council.

What?

-Why?
-I don't know. Civic pride.

Just what the city needs, another woman on top.

I don't want her to be humiliated.

That's not on us.

In front of the whole world.

-You backing out?
-Hell no.

I don't know. Uh, look.

Maybe. You know, maybe we just take a b*at.

Hey, Darryl.

-This is Dean.
-Hey.

Who's that?

You don't know your friendly County DA?

He's one of us?

How do you think I win all my cases?

Like we said, we're on it.

-We can do whatever you want.
-Yeah, your call.

You good?

I want it to be as quick and painless as possible.

You got it, Dean.

But, uh, don't bring it up here, though. Okay?

Sure.

If this gets out, it'd be more than just our bar cards on the line.

Mmm.

-Oh, hey, can you chop the, uh--
-Already done.

Juliennes. Nice.

Only took two Band-Aids this time.

-Oh, yeah. Looks great.
-Pretty good, right?

-Just in time, BM.
-Hi.

Can that not be my nickname?

-It's your initials.
-Speaking of. Here.

Also something you flush.

Auntie Beth needs you to sign this.

Uh, I'm not even old enough to vote.

Well, get Dad to do it.

He's in Petoskey. Some corporate retreat.

-What about Nance?
-She's in bed.

-Oh, she sick or something?
-Depressed.

'Cause she lost her honorary parking spot at Tiffany's?

More like her entire purpose in life.

I'm gonna go change.

Ow.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Oh, is it your eyebrow zit?

You can see it?

Dude, it's like a third eye.

-I've tried everything.
-Those are the worst.

-It won't go away.
-Yeah, those k*ll.

It's, like, holding my face hostage.

-Let me at it.
-Absolutely not!

You'll feel better.

That's disgusting.

Okay, here. Just trust me.

-What are you doing?
-Come here.

We just need to, uh. open up the pores a little bit.

-Are you serious?
-Yeah.

Hmm.

-Just like a spa.
-Mmm-hmm.

Okay, can we stop? My eyeballs are hard-boiled.

This is ridiculous.

-How's it feel?
-Still bad.

-Okay.
-Don't do it.

-You don't have to.
-I'm going in.

No.

What if it squirts on your eyeball?

It'll make our night more interesting.

-Kevin.
-Annie.

Gentle. Gentle.

-Oh!
-Ow!

Ew!

-How's it feel now?
-It feels better. Okay?

-Hungry?
-Not especially.

-Another beer?
-That, I would do.

All right.

Just sign at the bottom there.

-How many do you have?
-I'm getting there.

Wanna hear where I stand on the issues again?

Just.

really puts us out there, you know?

You just have to hold my purse a few times.

So.

wouldn't have to dig too deep.

The police records are sealed.

That's not really what I'm worried about.

Then what is it?

I just.

I don't want the whole thing to blow up in your face.

Then wear long pants.

-Who's Bongo Man?
-Kevin's friend from the park.

-It can't be his given name.
-It's what he goes by.

Did you get his ID?

I saw the bongo.

Oh, excuse me. Where'd you guys get your signatures from?

-Church.
-School.

-Work.
-Kroger.

-We both hit the Kroger.
-Two different days.

Now we have all the demos covered, okay?

So much for this being low-key.

Maybe g*ng Fairy Godfather tipped them off.

But I. I didn't, like, put on makeup and.

It's fine. You look hot.

I'm supposed to look like a mom.

-Hot mom.
-Denise!

We can't just give this seat away.

Especially to a woman who doesn't share our values.

Which is why I am also running for City Council.

To ensure that our wonderful community is represented by

someone who understands what our children need.

How do you feel about the proposed dress code for public school?

Looks like you just got out-mom'ed, bruh.

.children should wear uniforms.

Do you know what it means to be Ashfield proud?

Denise Carpenter does.

Enriching the lives of those in need,

helping to shape the developing mind

and caring for those entering the autumn of life.

She believes the pulse of our city
comes from service, faith and family.

Because her heart's always been in the same place,

with the people of Ashfield.

I'm Ashfield proud.

Paid for by Family First Alliance.

Yeah, that sucks.

And why does everyone look so much more important in slow-mo?

I know, even the flag waving got me a little choked up.

You said it was a shoo-in.

That was before Jesus got involved.

Well, can you, like, grease some palms or whatever?

-To get you elected?
-Isn't that what you guys do?

That's not really how democracy works.

Okay, so all your projects and whatever.

-What about them?
-They're all.

above board?

Now, this isn't zoning a garden for
kids or building a parking structure.

So, how can I help you if you can't help me get elected?

-Money.
-And where is that pot of gold?

Hmm.

Nowhere good.

I'm used to it.

Donors, Elizabeth.

And how do we get to their gold?

Take 'em to your church.

How's your civic pride tonight?

Solid.

I'm going to need to see it.

All donations.

Tax deductible.

Keep the bottom for your receipt.

-Twenty bucks.
-What's it get me?

Safer streets.

That's why I would expand our neighborhood watch,

because the best eyes on the street are your neighbors'.

You can't always trust the police, so make sure your tax dollars

are going to the programs that will help protect your community.

So can I count on your support?

Yeah, sure.

Come on, you can do better than that to support our girl.

Hello?

Anybody home?

I, uh. I used the key.

Let's see. Rise and shine.

Hmm.

Oh, my God!

Leave me alone!

Do you know where your baby is?

With someone who showers.

Do you know what day it is?

Does it matter?

Yes.

Because it is spa day. Huh?

Look at this.

Eyes.

face, hair.

and even. body.

Let's. Come here. Give me your foot.

-Where's that little foot?
-No. Stop. What's wrong with you?

-What is wrong with you?
-I lost everything.

Well, so get it back.

It's not. It's not like Tupperware that someone borrowed.

Look, you know, businesses fail. It happens.

You don't get it.

Why don't you try me?

I was super into this senior in high school.

He was super into this Mortal Kombatgame at our -Eleven.

Every day before school, I went and I practiced to impress him.

And did it work?

-We went to prom.
-Hail.

Also, I had the highest score for seven years

before some d*ck unplugged the machine.

You know it was him.

I never fail.

What about your marriage?

Excuse me?

I mean, he did bone me.

-Okay.
-More than once.

-Are you serious?
-While you were pregnant.

-It was a rough patch.
-I don't know.

Sounds like a pretty big fail, if you ask me.

Got him back, didn't I?

Exactly.

God.

You didn't have any better example for your teachable moment?

Look, you just.

You just hit another rough patch.

It's so embarrassing.

Hey.

It's gonna be okay.

I'll leave you to your pity party.

Just remember, massager, not just for your foot.

I can't pay you back for any of this.

It's cool. I used CVS points.

Cute.

Twenty bucks.

Yeah, no, I'm good.

Bumper sticker?

I'll just take my dry cleaning.

It's all boxed up.

Let me ask you something.

What's in it for you?

What do you mean?

I mean, why do you want to run this town?

Nick said I would be good at it.

Ah.

-Nick, huh?
-Yeah, your genetic relation.

-Whatever you call him.
-Pretty smart guy.

Yeah, he seems to know how it all works.

So you just do whatever Nick says, huh?

Don't you?

That's what you think?

I just know he's in City Hall and you're in a strip club.

Mmm-hmm.

That's some bag you got.

Yeah, he's a pretty smart guy.

Oh, no doubt.

Box that up for me, too.

This isn't yours.

-It's my strip club.
-This is campaign money.

Oh, you didn't get this far by taking handouts, right?

-I need this to run.
-Oh, yeah?

Let's see.

You can't.

Take it up with City Hall.

-That make you feel good?
-Yo, get him a scotch.

-Really showed me, huh?
-Top-shelf.

-Any shelf is fine.
-Oh-ho!

Look who's trying to keep it real now.

Make it off the top.

You don't get what we're trying to do here.

Whoa, ain't no "we."

Whatyou'retrying to do.

There'd be no shelf if it wasn't for me.

-Fine. Drink the cheap stuff.
-No shelves at all.

You'd be on the city's salary if it wasn't for me. Don't forget that.

You think you'd have any of this?

You think you'd have her?

-Just know one thing.
-What?

-This isn't about her.
-What's it about?

It won't be me doing the time.

'Cause you'd make sure it was me.

-No. I got this.
-No, no, no.

Better keep what you can.

Can we get the donor guys back to the club?

And tell 'em what?

"Oopsie, we lost it all"?

Okay. What about a car wash?

Do you have any idea how much a minute of airtime costs?

Paid for that sick trip in high school we took to Toronto.

Thought you hated Canada.

Except Toronto.

-Seriously?
-Has the best science center in the world.

Hmm. You'd have to wash every car in the city.

Can we just skip the part where we pretend
there's any legitimate way to do this?

Fine, but we gotta change it up.

-New masks?
-Like Halloween?

Or like those motorcycle helmets with the mirrored visors?

You can't hear a thing in those.

Sorry, where are you buying a Halloween mask this time of year?

Uh, Amazon.

We can't rob.

We've never carjacked.

Still need a mask for that.

You guys, my entire platform is anti-crime.

So?

So we can't do crime.

No, we just can't do crime and then get caught.

Hmm, it's the end of an era.

Hey, Principal Clark's waiting. You gotta hustle.

Aren't you coming?

Unless we're meeting on the corner
of Delaney and Third, it's all you.

You're right. Sorry.

What did he do this time?

Your son's very popular with all the students.

That's good.

Uh, they think he's hilarious.

He is.

-And also very creative.
-Okay, what am I doing here?

I'm in the lounge the other day when I hear. honking.

Okay.

All day.

It doesn't end.

Right.

So, eventually I got up, went outside to see what was going on

and Kenny had written on the side of the building.

And what did it say?

"Honk if you hate Principal Clark."

Oh.

Apparently everyone hates me,

because it went to the point that teachers couldn't conduct lessons.

And how do you know that it was Kenny?

I had hair before I met your son.

Also, these were in his locker.

How's it going at home, Mrs. Boland?

I mean, you know, just like every other family.

-How's his binge eating?
-Much better.

Well, I'm afraid to say he's still having a hard time here.

The kid constantly needs attention
and he certainly knows how to get it.

We encourage students to get their message across,

just not at the school's expense.

Won't happen again.

My opponent can blanket the airwaves with her message,

but I'd rather be out here doing something.

And what's your message, Mrs. Boland?

It's time to clean up our streets.

By removing their calling cards, we're saying to these gangs,

"You are not welcome in Ashfield."

And whether I'm elected or not,

I'll continue to fight for this community's safety.

How will you do that?

Well, as a mother, uh, I know that some of the best ways

to clean up a mess is to get to it before it starts.

What are you doing? Uh-uh.

You gotta go big.

When you see a business vandalized like this

and assume that it's normal, you know what happens?

It becomes normal.

How'd I do?

-Can I have my iPad?
-You're still grounded.

Who's that guy?

Who?

That. That guy. The guy.

The guy with the coffees.

-Uh, he's just some guy who works there.
-Are you sure?

I mean, he made me a latte.

Why? Do you know him?

I thought I did, yeah.

Hey, Mom, your friend's here.

Hi, Denise.

Does your family have a special tie to the islands?

There's so much Caribbean flare.

Uh, Kenny, get the girls ready for dance.

-Is that a hot tub?
-Yeah.

We treat every day like it's a vacation.

How do you have time to relax with all the campaigning you're doing?

How can I help you, Denise?

I came to congratulate you.

I haven't won yet.

Chief Gorski has been raving about your neighborhood safety plan.

-Oh, he's been really helpful.
-I would love for you to get it going.

That's the plan.

After I'm elected.

I don't understand.

I'm offering you a job.

Why would I do that?

Because he also mentioned

the legal trouble that your husband's been having.

He hasn't been convicted of anything.

But does it really matter when that's your entire platform?

Can we order a pizza?

Uh, one. one minute.

Anyway. You're busy. Think about it.

Oh.

Mahalo.

Oh!

Do not disturb is on!

You're disturbing!

Oh, my God!

What do you want?

A do-over.

I'm good.

There's nothing to steal from you this time.

One drink.

I need that plate back.

What for?

So I can replace what I took from you.

What good would that do?

You can say you misplaced it and make everything right again.

Too late. Wouldn't make us right.

He made me do it. Okay?

-You should've told me.
-I had to protect my family.

Maybe I could've helped.

I'm supposed to trust the person who busted me?

-Yeah.
-How?

I trusted you.

-Because we're supposed to be friends?
-I don't know.

-How would that even work?
-I don't know.

So we just put aside that I do what I do and you do what you do,

and we just meet up for a girl's trip in Cabo every year?

The plate's back in DC.

Can you get it?

I just wanna get him.

I can't run.

Why?

Because she's gonna use Dean against me.

Who leaked it?

Her daughter takes tap with the chief's kid. It's a mom thing.

-I have to bring back something.
-Well, I have to drop out.

And I'd rather it not be you.

So what am I supposed to do here?

Do to her what you did to me.

What they call a gym is actually a
closet with a NordicTrack from .

I'd be better off up here curling bags of my own urine.

Please don't.

Everything cool?

Yep.

I'm going to take a shower.

Obviously. How come everything makes me think of Harry Styles?

I mean.

I thought he broke up with her.

Could be a rebound.

Do you want me to, uh, turn the oven on?

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing, they just.

-forgot the garlic knots.
-Mmm.

I'll warm it up.

There's pizza.

-if you wanna come up for air.
-Cool. Come check us out.

That will not be necessary. Thank you.

Come here.

She needed someone to do the back.

You could have called.

They shut my phone off.

You can't pay your phone bill?

Autopay's connected to an overdrawn account.

It's like a whole thing.

Well, I hope you know what you're doing.

He trained at Vidal Sassoon.

Ah, no. Uh, Vito Sassin.

Who's that?

-Owns the dog grooming place on Trumbull.
-Oh, my God.

You know what? I'm gonna take over. Go grab a slice, huh?

All right.

-Thank you.
-Excuse me.

How is it?

Let me see.

-Hmm.
-Oh, no.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but he actually got all your roots.

Really?

Yeah, and I feel like he somehow may have given you highlights.

Oh, okay.

Maybe I should start going to Vito.

Wow. This is, like, kind of amazing.

So is he.

You know, he taught me how to get double points.

And not just at CVS, but Walgreens, Rite Aid, Kroger's.

They all apparently do it.

Yeah, his whole life is a hack.

I shouldn't have been so judgy about him.

It's hard not to be.

He's a really good guy.

Yeah.

-There aren't a lot of them out there.
-Ugh, I know.

I'm really happy for you.

Oh, uh. No, we're not.

It's not like that.

Oh.

Well, why not?

It's so clean.

Well, my kids know it's the only way to get their allowance.

I can hardly get mine to brush their teeth.

Oh, well, you know, you just have to give them structure.

Or maybe you're very good at convincing people to do things.

-Coffee?
-Yes, please.

If it makes you feel better, I think we'll be a great team.

Oh, so do I.

-Wonderful.
-I couldn't win without you.

Wait. I'm sorry?

I'm gonna need all those Jesus lovers.

Is that a Portmeirion butter dish?

It was an anniversary gift.

Do you have the whole set?

He can have it.

-Do you collect Portmeirion?
-Nah.

What is he doing?

He's making it look like a home invasion.

Wait, no. I. I. I have a family.

So do I.

Wait, please. Please don't do this.

Let's hurry, I'm picking Danny up from band.

I'll do whatever you want.

I'll leave him out of it.

Does your daughter skate, too?

Do you like figure skating?

I love the Ice Capades.

He will be at every practice, every show, everywhere.

I won't tell anyone.

Oh, hey.

Thank you for your support.

Come over here.

-I got it.
-No, I need you to see. Come here.

-Yeah.
-What is that?

-It's not the end of the world.
-A Big Mac is people food.

-I'm sorry. Okay?
-How does that help me?

What do you want, Tina?

I wantyouto wake up at midnight

when Licorice has the squirts all over our bedroom.

Fine.

Hey, we're not done here.

He barely ate any of it.

I just need you to answer something.

What's that?

How do you make it through your day being such a moron?

Can we talk about this later?

Just think about my question.

Hey, where were we? Um.

Oh, right, so, corporate wants us to
do a promo with the fruit acid peel.

Can I ask you something?

Oh, she's on an elephant dose of IVF crap. Ignore her.

Hey, did you really give that stuff to the DA?

Yeah. Why?

-I saw him yesterday.
-Where?

Starbucks.

Nice.

He works there.

He worksoutof a lot of places.

Hmm, no, he was serving the coffee.

Middle-aged bald dad?

Yeah, with a green apron.

-That could have been anybody.
-But the name tag said Darryl.

We didn't have a choice.

I made the name tag part up.

-We're gonna send it to the real DA.
-What are you guys waiting for?

Ask your friend.

Stan?

You're not the only one in a tight spot.

Jesus! It's all over the comforter!

Coming!

-Bring the carpet cleaner!
-Excuse me.

You in my business again?

The hell is bee venom?

Oh, don't tell me. I know this one.

Increases blood flow to the area,
bringing fresh oxygen and nutrients,

also stimulates the production of collagen and elastin.

Hmm. Yeah, I meant all of this. What is this?

Well, it's my business, literally.

Bee venom?

No, not just that. This has got, uh, vitamin-C balm.

You got your energizing face wash.
And you got your serum concentrate.

So, lotions.

Look, babe, I'm just trying to keep us out of trouble, okay?

But I have the club now.

-Club's trouble.
-The club pays the bills.

Until more trouble comes knocking.

Who is this trouble?

I don't know.

But it always seems to find you ladies.

Oh, is this like the Scouts?

Where I gotta make people buy it at work?

No, I hit up my own network.

-How deep are you in this?
-Oh, just a year's worth.

-Jesus.
-What?

Just so you know, none of these are for Black people.

Thesearefor Black people.

Not for Black people.

* Oh, blue *

* Do you even know my name? *

* I carry you all around with me Just the same *

How'd we get our stuff back?

I don't know.

Maybe we got our fish back, too.

* Been with you in a dream *

* Beyond the grips of consciousness *

* You speak to me *

* Now when I get up *

* I never know just where I am. *

You got another zit?

Nope.

* I think *

* Of you *

It's not a knock, but it's a start.

Love what you've done with the place.

Why'd you give it all back?

Not all of it.

Why any of it?

Mmm.

So, your tag is really coming along.

I've got a really good campaign team.

I told you you didn't need him.

I will take one of those T-shirts, though.

* Now when I get up *

* I never know just where I am *

* I think *

* Of you *