11x16 - May Cause Involuntary Political Discharge

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Laughs]

♪

[Clicks]

MAN: It's alive!

♪

[Laughter]

♪

[Laughter]

YOSHI: You know the thing
about living

on a tropical island paradise?

You get so distracted
looking at all the beauty,

you forget to look out
for yourself.

Wait! Mario!
What about me?!

But now I see clearly.

I don't know what-a you did
to piss-a this guy off,

but-a now he's-a comin' after
a-both of us!

Hey, what's-a one-a little
dinosaur-a gonna do, eh?

[Yoshi laughing]

Hunh!
[Laughs]

- Aah!
- Yah!

Aah!

Ah!

[Squelch]

Now we're f*ckin' a-dead, bro!

Let's-a go, mother-a-fucker.

Maybe we can make
a deal-a, huh?

- YOSHI: Die, bitch!
- Aah!

You are gonna pay-a
for that-a.

- Fireball! Fireball!
- [Laughing]

Ha! Fireball toss!

Yoshi, no!

I've known you
since I was a baby.

You were a piece of sh*t then...

[Italian accent] ...and you are
a bigger piece of sh*t now.

f*ck right off!

- Aah!
- [Splat]

Time to welcome the world
to a new Yoshi.

A new me.

Yoshi's Island!

After you got off the island,
Chuck Noland received

millions from FedEx.

You're asking for half, correct?

I just want what I think is fair.

Ugh! I can't believe
Trevor ghosted me.

Even though he grew a
rattail nonironically,

I'll never love again!

You've been possessed

- by a peen-tergeist!
- A what?!

Hi, I'm Tangina Barrons,
poltergeist expert.

Your lady bits
have been taken hostage

by the spirit of his whiz tube.

Your need to perform
a vag-orcism!

Yes! Yes!

[Screaming]

Keep on towards the light!

[Screaming]

[Gasps] I don't need
to pretend to like

Lars von Trier films anymore.

[Placid music plays]
This cooch is clean.

- But where did he go?
- Into my cooch!

[Music stops]

What do you mean,
you don't tip?

I mean, I don't tip.

- Boop.
- Whoa!

Ah! [Laughs]

Yeah, technically you tip...
you just don't fall over.

Ladies, can't we all find
a way to get along?

- You gave me chlamydia!
- Me too.

- And me!
- Twice.

Also, bacteria from
the chlamydia then moved up

to my cervix and gave me PID!

Pelvic inflammatory disease!

That's what happens when the
clam is left untreated.

Ladies, what do you say
we make this a team round?

I'd never turn down
three women at once...

- [g*nshots] Oww!
- [Shouting indistinctly]

[g*nshots continue]

♪

Come on, girls.
He is not worth it.

Let's go pick up
our prescription.

BOND: Oho, James, you dog!

Wait. That means I have chlamydia.

[Motor whirring]

[Chittering]

[Screeches]

My date said he'd be here
minutes ago.

- Ack!
- Ack, ack.

- Did you get stood up, too?
- Ack!

Ack, ack! Ack, ack.

I'd love to eat with you.
Ack!

- Ack! Ack!
- Ack ack ack!

Yes! Ack!

- Yes! Ack!
- Ack ack aaack!

Do you take this woman
to be your wife?

Ack!

I'll, uh, take that as an "I do."

[Objects clattering]
Oh, my God!

Ack ack ack!
Ack ack ack ack!

Ack ack ack!

You have to return
to your home planet?

- But we're married! Ack!
- Save me! Aah!

Ack ack ack!

[g*nshots, screams]

Aaa-aa-aa-ck!

[Sobbing]

Cake is the only man
that will never leave me.

Ohh ahhh mmph!
[Sobs]

Oh, no. Oh, God.

[Retching]

♪

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

[Video game music plays]

♪

NARRATOR: This week on
"My Strange Addiction,"

meet Elefun the elephant.

Yeah, baby!
That's the stuff!

What started out as a party trick

turned into a butterfly habit

that Elefun couldn't kick.

Let's f*ckin' rave!

Oh! Oh!
[Rave music]

[Laughing]

[Inhaling deeply]

[Echoing voices, laughter]

Ohhh!

- [Distant] Elefun. Elefun!
- Whoa!

Elefun, it's late.

- We have to go home.
- You're leaving me?!

Try some of this sh*t!

- I don't want it!
- Try it! Come on!

- I don't want!
- [Laughing]

- It's trippy, right?
- I don't want it!

- [Laughing]
- [Groans]

Kid?

[Screaming] Kid!

Next week... this family
of codependent hippos

enable a bizarre compulsion.

Oh, my life is almost spent,

and I had so much more to do.

[Cat meows]

[Objects clatter, cat yowls]

And I'm back, b*tches!

Boom!
Crushed that candy!

Aw, but I need a lollipop hammer
to finish the level.

[Poof]
Why not make an in-app purchase?

- It's only $ . .
- I promised myself I wouldn't

spend any money on this game.

It's a one-time thing, Beth.

[Ka-ching!]

[Video game music plays]

Beth, I'm home...
Oh, my God!

I need extra gold bars!

- And I need an extra life!
- Beth, you spent...

- you spent $ , on Candy Crush?!
- Aah! Yah!

- We have a mortgage!
- She's mine now.

[Laughing evilly]

Spider-walk time!

The power of Christ compels you.

[Distorted]
You're one to talk.

You spent all of the church's
collection last month

on Pokémon Go supplies.

You have to catch 'em all, right?

You don't understand, demon...

was buy one, get one free.

It was BOGO on the POGO.
I had serious FOMO!

[Laughing]
You're mind now, priesty!

Open your mouth!

Not today, vile demon!

Selfless sacrifice!
[Glass shatters]

Splat!

You did it!
Oh, God, it's over!

- [Sobbing]
- It's over! My, God, it's over.

- Anyone wanna play Clash of Clans?
- [Whispers] I do.

Mr. Manson,
you would have me believe

that you did not commit
the Tate-LaBianca murders.

I'm telling you, man,
it was not me.

I, Ponce de Léon, have finally
found the Fountain of Youth.

[Babies cooing, laughing]

Men, only a single Allied pilot

has survived an encounter
with the Red Baron.

Meet America's
World w*r I Flying Ace...

- Did you say "one"?
- ...Captain Snoopy!

Blah!

[Speaking gibberish]

Sir, that's, uh...
yeah, that's a dog.

That is the World w*r I
Flying Ace, dumb sh*t!

And you will heed every single
word out of his mouth!

[Gibberish]

These are your new aircraft.

No idea how they work,
but we've seen the Ace fly one,

and they only cost
about $ in scrap wood!

- Hoo-yah!
- Sir! These are doghouses, sir!

They're aircraft, soldier!
Now mount up!

Oh-ah!

- This sh*t doesn't make any sense.
- Ow.

Uh, sir?
Where are the controls?

Did you have to ask your mama
where your d*ck was

when you wanted to piss, sailor?!

[Gibberish]
[Engine rumbling]

- There's no way that's gonna...
- Um, uh...

- Oh, sh*t.
- Ah, that worked.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, my God, they work!
We're flying!

But the peak is really
riding up into my cr*ck.

Aah! They also should have
included seat belts!

Whoa! Hey!

I'm cool with these things
not having wings,

but I'd feel better
if we had windshields.

Ah, what the f...
Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Aaaaah!

That son of a bitch
is actually doing it!

We're gonna need more Marines!
And maybe some seat belts.

The Red Baron is leading
a squadron toward Allied territory.

Now get up there
and show 'em what we got!

- To the sky!
- Let's fly these doghouses!

- Bwah!
- Sir, yes, sir!

Whatever the f*ck he just said.

[Cats yowling]

Are those cats?!

How did they train cats
to fly airplanes?

w*r is hell!

[Airplane approaches, Red Baron laughs]

Guten morgen, Herr Snoopy!

Dogfights are overrated,
so I thought,

why not switch to a catfight?

- [Laughs]
- Aah!

[Cat yowling]

Aw, yeah.
Keep that p*ssy right there.

[Meows]

[Screeches]

Aah, aah!
It's in my mouth!

[Sputtering]
Aah!

Whoo!
[Clicking tongue]

Can I interest you in a cucumber?

[Yowling]

Ha-ha!
I've got you now.

Uh...
No one told us how to sh**t!

[g*nf*re, cat screeching]

I'm hit!

The laser pointer won't be invented for

another years, so
this will have to do.

[Yowling]

Stupid cats!

♪

[Purring]

[expl*si*n]

Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[g*nf*re]

Looks like it's time for a catnap.

[Snoopy laughs]

[Gibberish]

♪

[g*nf*re]

♪

[g*nf*re]

Bwah!

Auf weidersehen, dummer hund.

[g*nf*re]

- [Slurps]
- Ugh! Aah!

Doctor! Get the hot water!

Get the disinfectant!

[g*nf*re]
Get the iodine!

Aah!

Aaaaaaah!

[Upbeat music plays]

♪