05x16 - Trapped
Posted: 03/21/22 09:06
(upbeat theme music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres we are there
(upbeat music)
- Honey bun.
- Hmm?
- I've just been through the
medicine chest in the bathroom
and we need a lot of things.
- Oh, fine.
Make a list, I'll get 'em
when I go into Drucker's.
- Ah, you're a good man,
Oliver Wendell Douglas.
(playful music)
Oliver Wendell?
- Yes?
- Do you need any shampoo?
- I don't know.
- Well, the last time
you took a shower
and you squeezed the
tube, did anything come out?
- Yes.
- Well, then you don't
need any shampoo.
Thank you for your time, O-W-D.
(playful music)
Wendell, baby?
- Oh, for.
What now?
- Would you come
here a moment, please?
- What is it?
- Where does this door lead to?
- I haven't the faintest idea.
- You mean you've been
passing by this door for three years
and you don't know
where it's going?
- Well, you've been
passing by it for three years.
You don't know where it's going.
- Well, I'm not supposed to.
I'm a woman.
- What does that mean?
- That means you yell at
me when I borrow your razor.
- Uh, let's stick to the door.
- All right, where does it go?
- I don't know.
When we bought the house
from Mr. Haney, he didn't tell me.
- And you never asked him?
- Oh, I tried it a couple of
times, but it was stuck tight.
I think it's probably
a small closet.
- And that's the end of it?
- Well, no.
I don't guess it is now
that you've stuck your
cute little Hungarian
nose into it.
- Never mind the nose.
Just try to open the door.
- Hey, it's starting to give.
(clattering)
(audience laughs)
- Oliver, where are you?
- (groans) Down here.
- Oh, I'll be right down.
- Be careful.
There's a flight of stairs.
- Why would they have a
flight of stairs in a small closet?
- It's not a closet.
It's a cellar.
Get a... (groans)
Get a flashlight.
(subdued music)
- I'm coming.
What is this place?
- Oh, it looks like it was
used for a root cellar.
- Well, what is that?
- Farmers used them to
store turnips, and potatoes,
and things like that
through the winter.
- Oh, we have something
like this in Hungary
except it was
called goulash cellar.
- Goulash cellar?
- Yes.
My mother used to
fill it up with goulash.
Then, when she
didn't feel like cooking,
she would go down in
the cellar and get a potful.
- It sounds very appetizing.
Well, not appetizing.
- Well, it's like a TV
dinner, but in the cellar.
- Do you feel a cold draft?
- Yes.
- I think there's some
kind of an opening
behind this crate here.
Some sort of a...
Some sort of a cave.
- [Lisa] Oh.
- Here, give me a light.
(mysterious music)
- Oh, look at this little thing.
It looks like a lantern.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get a little
light in here.
- Oh, look at that.
- Hey.
- It's a still.
- How do you know?
- Well, my father used
to have one in the palace.
He used to make
bootleg Slivovitz
and smuggled it into Poland.
- Oh, that's very...
- And during the w*r, the
underground used his booze
to blow up bridges.
It was called
Budapest Bang Bang.
- This must've belonged
to Mr. Haney's father.
He probably made bootleg
liqueur during Prohibition.
- Ooh, it's cold in here.
(sneezes)
(cracking)
What was that?
- I don't know.
- Do you think
it's safe in here?
- Well, this cave must've
been here for over 40 years.
These timbers seem pretty solid.
(scraping and cracking)
- [Lisa] Look out, Oliver
(sneezes)
(clattering)
- [Oliver] Gesundheit.
(coughing)
- Oliver, we're trapped.
- Don't panic.
- How are we going to get out?
- We'll dig our way out.
- That's what you always say.
- When did I ever say that?
- Well, what are
you going to dig with?
- Oh, there must be
something here I can use.
(wood breaks)
- Didn't you ever take
sand pile in kindergarten?
- The wood is rotten.
(door slams)
Somebody just came in.
- Who is it?
- Well, how would...
- Mr. Douglas?
Mr. Douglas?
- I think it's Eb.
- I guess the old
grouch ain't home.
(rock and roll music on radio)
- Eb!
The nut.
He turned on the radio.
- Why, that's good.
When he hears on the news
that we are trapped down here,
he'll come down and get us.
- Lisa, please.
Eb!
- Eb!
- Don't yell in my ear.
- Fine.
Would you like me to blow in it?
- No.
Eb!
- Oh, boy.
Fried chicken.
- Eb!
(metal clanging)
- Man, that drummer
plays a cool kettle drum.
- He's never gonna
hear us with that radio on.
- Oh, look, Oliver.
There is a pipe here.
- Yeah, that cellar was
to the left of the bathroom.
We must be under the kitchen.
I'll bet that's where
this pipe goes.
(metal banging)
- He should've
stuck to the drums.
He's nowhere with the vibe.
- If I could loosen this, I
might be able to call up to him.
- Do you have his number?
- Just my luck to be
trapped down here with a...
- With a what?
- Hey, I think it's loosening.
Ah.
- Oh, my hero.
- I better tidy up before
the old crab gets back.
- Now, let's see if
he can hear me, huh?
- May I ask exactly
what you accomplished?
- Look, Lisa.
(metal banging)
- Come in.
Huh.
- Eb!
(audience laughs)
- Oliver, couldn't you
get us out of here first?
And then you can drink
all the water you want.
- Oh.
(metal banging)
- Who's pounding on the pipe?
- [Oliver] It's me.
- Who's me?
- Mr. Douglas.
- I'm sorry, he's not here.
- I know he's not.
- Is there any message?
- Will you listen?
This is Mr. Douglas.
- What are you
doing in the sink?
- We're not in the
sink, we're under it.
- No, you're not!
- Eb, listen to me.
Mrs. Douglas and I are
in some sort of a cave
under the kitchen.
- There's no cave
under the kitchen.
- Yes, there is.
I found an old still down here.
- Leave it to you.
You sure have a nose for booze.
- Eb, will you please help us?
We're trapped.
Now, come on down here.
See if you can dig us out.
- How do I get down there?
- Walk out of the kitchen
into the living room
and turn left and go down
the hall to the bathroom.
- I don't have to
go to the bathroom.
- Oh, that miserable.
Just before the bathroom
there's another door.
It leads to a cellar.
You understand?
- Yes, sir.
I'll be right there.
Mr. Douglas?
- What?
- Which way do I turn
when I get to the bathroom?
- You don't have to
go to the bathroom.
- That's what I told you.
- Eb, just before you
get to the bathroom,
there's another door.
- Oh, I think I know now.
I'll be right with you.
Bathroom.
(clattering)
- What was that?
- Sounds like dum dum
fell down the cellar stairs.
- It seems to me there
was another dum dum
who did the same thing.
- Mr. Douglas, where are you?
- We're behind
that pile of rubble.
Can you dig us out?
- Not by myself.
- Well, drive into Drucker's
and get some help.
- Yes, sir.
Mr. Douglas?
- What?
- Can I have the
keys to the car?
- Can I have the
keys to the car?
- Well, I haven't got them,
I thought you had them.
- When I get... Take
your motor scooter!
- Yes, sir.
Don't go away.
- Don't go away.
To think that our
lives may be hanging
by the thin thread
of his intelligence.
- Well, that's a
confronting thought.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
- [Eb] Drucker!
- Eb, watch it.
(wood thumps)
Holy smoke.
You all right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
I just hit my head.
- What was your big hurry?
- It was something
very important.
Mr. Douglas told me to, uh.
- Yeah?
- I forget.
- How about lying
down in the back room?
- No, I don't think that's what
Mr. Douglas told me to do.
- How about a doctor?
- What's the
matter, are you sick?
- Eb, I think you better come
lie down in the back room
and I'll get a cold
towel for your head.
- Yes, sir.
(wood breaks)
- Oh.
It's no use.
- I wonder what is
taking Eb so long.
- That's right, he's been
gone over two hours.
Eb!
Eb!
- Oliver, I'm cold.
Couldn't you light a fire?
- And fill this place
up with smoke?
- But, couldn't you
light one without smoke?
- I'm afraid not.
- How about plugging
in the electrical heater?
- What electrical heater?
- The one we have
upstairs in the bedroom.
- And just how could I do that?
- You could use a
long extension cord.
- The air must be
getting bad down here.
Why don't we do something
to get our blood circulating?
- All right.
Are you circulating?
- Yes, but I meant exercise.
- What kind of exercise
did you have in mind?
- You know.
One, two, three, four.
- Kissing is more fun.
- Come on.
- [Both] One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- Hello?
Anybody home?
- Shh.
I think I heard somebody.
(playful music)
(audience laughs)
(Oliver grunts)
(audience laughs)
Hello?
- Well, I was just, uh.
Well, I was.
- [Oliver] Hello?
- To whom am I talking?
- Hello?
- Hello?
- Is that you, Eb?
- No, it's Hank Kimball.
- Who is it?
- It's Mr. Kimball.
- Oh, I'm glad
somebody showed up.
- Yeah, but why did
it have to be him?
Mr. Kimball?
- Where are ya?
- Go over to the sink.
Talk into the drain.
- How are you, drain?
- Oh, isn't that cute?
- Mr. Kimball, can you hear me?
- Oh, yeah.
You're coming
through loud and clear.
Boy, first time I've
ever talked to anybody
through a sink-o-phone.
Well, over and out.
- Who have I offended?
Mr. Kimball, Mrs. Douglas
and I are trapped down here.
We need somebody
to help us get out.
- Well, I'll go get a plumber.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Kimball?
(door slams)
Mr. Kim... Oh.
- Oh, there, there.
Tears won't help.
- Oh, Lisa.
- Oh, buck up your chin.
- Buck up?
- Oh, come on.
- [Both] One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- Feeling any better, Eb?
- A little.
If I can just remember what
Mr. Douglas sent me in for.
- Well, just relax.
It'll come back to you.
- Let me see.
I remember listening to
somebody play the kettle drum.
- Just take it easy, Eb.
I'll get you another cold towel.
- How long has Eb been gone?
- Over four hours.
I can't understand where...
- I'm hungry.
Why don't you go to the
pipe and call room service?
- You're full of
vittikisms today.
- The word is witticism.
- What difference does it make?
We're trapped.
- Yeah, but.
- You know, we might be
right under the refrigerator.
There's the cold chicken,
and the ham, and the eggs.
- Look, Lisa. (wood tapping)
I think somebody came in.
(audience laughs)
(Arnold grunting)
Sounds like Arnold.
- Oh, we're saved.
- Only if we can get our hands
on him and make a barbecue.
- What a terrible thing to say.
Tell him we're down here.
- What good will...
- Never mind, I tell him.
He doesn't like you anyway.
Hello, Arnold?
Arnold?
(grunting)
Get close to the sink.
Can you hear me?
(grunting)
He heard me.
- Well, bully for you.
- Arnold, Mr. Douglas and I
are trapped here in the cellar.
Now, I know that you
don't like Mr. Douglas,
but forget about him
and concecrate on me.
- Yeah, concecrate on her.
- Do you want him to
help us or don't you?
- Be my guest.
Only, don't tie up
the pipe too long.
Somebody else
may want to talk to us.
- Arnold.
Arnold, are you still there?
(grunting)
Here is what I want you to do.
Go get help.
Tell them we're
trapped here in the cellar
and to bring shovels.
(grunting)
Shovels.
S-C-H.
How do you spell shovels?
- Oh, boy.
- Well, somebody will
know how to spell it.
Remember, we counting on you.
(grunting)
Oh, Oliver, we're saved.
- Oh, sure.
- Don't you have
any faith in Arnold?
- I'd feel more secure
if he was Lassie.
- Well, between Arnold,
and Eb, and Mr. Kimball,
somebody ought to save us.
- Oh, yeah.
We got a great
group going for us.
- I'll be with you
in a minute, Haney.
I've gotta go put another
cold towel on Eb's head.
- Take your time, Sam.
An emergency is more
important than a can of beans.
(Arnold squealing)
Oh, it's you.
(grunting)
- What's the matter with Arnold?
- Oh, now don't believe
a word he says, Sam.
I was just testing these
gumdrops to see if they is fresh.
(grunting)
- He's upset.
Seems like he's trying
to tell us something.
What is it, Arnold?
(grunting)
I'm sorry, I don't
understand you.
You want to buy a dog leash?
- I guess he must've
bought himself a dog.
- You don't want a dog leash?
A dog collar?
Dog biscuits?
Dog what?
Dog less?
Dog less.
Douglas.
(squealing)
What about him?
- Sam, are you gonna
play charades with the pig
or are you gonna wait on me?
- Just a second, Haney.
Mr. Douglas mousetrap?
Mr. Douglas mouse?
Mr. Douglas trap?
Trapped.
(squealing)
Where?
- Sam, are you gonna...
- Just a second, Haney.
Salt cellar?
Mr. Douglas trapped
in a salt cellar?
- Oh, that was an old
movie on TV last night.
It was Melvin Douglas
and he was trapped
in this salt mine in Siberia.
- Is that what you're talking
about, Melvin Douglas?
Look, Arnold, I'm busy.
Olives?
Oliver, Oliver.
(Arnold squeals)
Oliver Douglas
trapped in a salt cellar.
(Arnold squealing)
- Hey, he's right.
I just remembered.
That's what I
came over to tell ya.
Mr. Douglas and Mrs. Douglas
are trapped in a salt cellar.
Well, it's not a salt cellar,
it's kind of a cave
under the house
where Mr. Haney's
father had a still.
- Well, holy smoke.
- Now, just a second, Sam.
I resent the implication
on my pappy's good name.
He might have done a
lot of things in his lifetime,
but most of them was legal.
- Look, we better...
- Mr. Douglas
said it was a still.
- Well, it might have
looked like a still,
but in reality it was
a nit picking machine.
- Fellas.
- A nit picking machine?
- Yeah, he invented it the
year we had the big nit epidemic.
- And he never made
any liqueur with it?
- Oh, he might have
made a few bottles
of nit wine now and then.
- Fellas, we're wasting time.
The Douglases have
been trapped nearly all day.
Grab a shovel.
We gotta dig 'em out of there.
- Oh, Oliver, I'm frightened.
- Oh now, there's
nothing to worry about.
Somebody will find us.
- But, suppose they don't.
Suppose there is
no more air left here
and they don't get here
in time to resusiticate us?
- Don't talk that way?
- That's the only way
I know how to talk.
- No, I mean, don't give up.
- Oliver, shouldn't
we sing something?
- Like what?
- Something like.
♪ Swing low sweet Harriet
- I don't think
that's appropriate.
- What did they
sing in the movies
when the Titanic went down?
- Lisa, this isn't the end.
- But, in case it is, I want
you to know that being
married to you
was the nicest thing
that ever happened to me.
Why, it was even nicer than
when I lived with the baron.
- What?
- Well, you know
my uncle, the baron.
My aunt and my
uncle took care of me
while my father was
painting the palace.
- Oh, that baron.
- Oliver, you know they
say that at a time like this
your whole life
passes in front of you.
- Yeah, I've heard that, too.
- Are you passing?
- No.
- Neither am I.
Do you suppose there is
something wrong with us?
- I think it would be
better if we didn't talk
and conserved...
(car approaching)
I think I heard a car.
(upbeat music)
- This way.
This way.
Follow me.
(clattering)
- What was that?
- Sounds like dum
dum finally got back.
(whistling)
- Oliver, Oliver?
- What?
What are you waking me up for?
Look, I'm exhausted.
- But, there's
somebody in the kitchen.
- Huh?
(whistling)
What the?
Mr. Kimball.
- Oh, Mr. Douglas.
I'm sorry it took me
so long to get back,
but I couldn't find a plumber,
so I brought this
plumber's helper.
I'll have you out in no time.
- Fine, fine.
Have fun.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat theme music)
- [Lisa] This has been a
Filmways presentation, darling.
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres we are there
(upbeat music)
- Honey bun.
- Hmm?
- I've just been through the
medicine chest in the bathroom
and we need a lot of things.
- Oh, fine.
Make a list, I'll get 'em
when I go into Drucker's.
- Ah, you're a good man,
Oliver Wendell Douglas.
(playful music)
Oliver Wendell?
- Yes?
- Do you need any shampoo?
- I don't know.
- Well, the last time
you took a shower
and you squeezed the
tube, did anything come out?
- Yes.
- Well, then you don't
need any shampoo.
Thank you for your time, O-W-D.
(playful music)
Wendell, baby?
- Oh, for.
What now?
- Would you come
here a moment, please?
- What is it?
- Where does this door lead to?
- I haven't the faintest idea.
- You mean you've been
passing by this door for three years
and you don't know
where it's going?
- Well, you've been
passing by it for three years.
You don't know where it's going.
- Well, I'm not supposed to.
I'm a woman.
- What does that mean?
- That means you yell at
me when I borrow your razor.
- Uh, let's stick to the door.
- All right, where does it go?
- I don't know.
When we bought the house
from Mr. Haney, he didn't tell me.
- And you never asked him?
- Oh, I tried it a couple of
times, but it was stuck tight.
I think it's probably
a small closet.
- And that's the end of it?
- Well, no.
I don't guess it is now
that you've stuck your
cute little Hungarian
nose into it.
- Never mind the nose.
Just try to open the door.
- Hey, it's starting to give.
(clattering)
(audience laughs)
- Oliver, where are you?
- (groans) Down here.
- Oh, I'll be right down.
- Be careful.
There's a flight of stairs.
- Why would they have a
flight of stairs in a small closet?
- It's not a closet.
It's a cellar.
Get a... (groans)
Get a flashlight.
(subdued music)
- I'm coming.
What is this place?
- Oh, it looks like it was
used for a root cellar.
- Well, what is that?
- Farmers used them to
store turnips, and potatoes,
and things like that
through the winter.
- Oh, we have something
like this in Hungary
except it was
called goulash cellar.
- Goulash cellar?
- Yes.
My mother used to
fill it up with goulash.
Then, when she
didn't feel like cooking,
she would go down in
the cellar and get a potful.
- It sounds very appetizing.
Well, not appetizing.
- Well, it's like a TV
dinner, but in the cellar.
- Do you feel a cold draft?
- Yes.
- I think there's some
kind of an opening
behind this crate here.
Some sort of a...
Some sort of a cave.
- [Lisa] Oh.
- Here, give me a light.
(mysterious music)
- Oh, look at this little thing.
It looks like a lantern.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's get a little
light in here.
- Oh, look at that.
- Hey.
- It's a still.
- How do you know?
- Well, my father used
to have one in the palace.
He used to make
bootleg Slivovitz
and smuggled it into Poland.
- Oh, that's very...
- And during the w*r, the
underground used his booze
to blow up bridges.
It was called
Budapest Bang Bang.
- This must've belonged
to Mr. Haney's father.
He probably made bootleg
liqueur during Prohibition.
- Ooh, it's cold in here.
(sneezes)
(cracking)
What was that?
- I don't know.
- Do you think
it's safe in here?
- Well, this cave must've
been here for over 40 years.
These timbers seem pretty solid.
(scraping and cracking)
- [Lisa] Look out, Oliver
(sneezes)
(clattering)
- [Oliver] Gesundheit.
(coughing)
- Oliver, we're trapped.
- Don't panic.
- How are we going to get out?
- We'll dig our way out.
- That's what you always say.
- When did I ever say that?
- Well, what are
you going to dig with?
- Oh, there must be
something here I can use.
(wood breaks)
- Didn't you ever take
sand pile in kindergarten?
- The wood is rotten.
(door slams)
Somebody just came in.
- Who is it?
- Well, how would...
- Mr. Douglas?
Mr. Douglas?
- I think it's Eb.
- I guess the old
grouch ain't home.
(rock and roll music on radio)
- Eb!
The nut.
He turned on the radio.
- Why, that's good.
When he hears on the news
that we are trapped down here,
he'll come down and get us.
- Lisa, please.
Eb!
- Eb!
- Don't yell in my ear.
- Fine.
Would you like me to blow in it?
- No.
Eb!
- Oh, boy.
Fried chicken.
- Eb!
(metal clanging)
- Man, that drummer
plays a cool kettle drum.
- He's never gonna
hear us with that radio on.
- Oh, look, Oliver.
There is a pipe here.
- Yeah, that cellar was
to the left of the bathroom.
We must be under the kitchen.
I'll bet that's where
this pipe goes.
(metal banging)
- He should've
stuck to the drums.
He's nowhere with the vibe.
- If I could loosen this, I
might be able to call up to him.
- Do you have his number?
- Just my luck to be
trapped down here with a...
- With a what?
- Hey, I think it's loosening.
Ah.
- Oh, my hero.
- I better tidy up before
the old crab gets back.
- Now, let's see if
he can hear me, huh?
- May I ask exactly
what you accomplished?
- Look, Lisa.
(metal banging)
- Come in.
Huh.
- Eb!
(audience laughs)
- Oliver, couldn't you
get us out of here first?
And then you can drink
all the water you want.
- Oh.
(metal banging)
- Who's pounding on the pipe?
- [Oliver] It's me.
- Who's me?
- Mr. Douglas.
- I'm sorry, he's not here.
- I know he's not.
- Is there any message?
- Will you listen?
This is Mr. Douglas.
- What are you
doing in the sink?
- We're not in the
sink, we're under it.
- No, you're not!
- Eb, listen to me.
Mrs. Douglas and I are
in some sort of a cave
under the kitchen.
- There's no cave
under the kitchen.
- Yes, there is.
I found an old still down here.
- Leave it to you.
You sure have a nose for booze.
- Eb, will you please help us?
We're trapped.
Now, come on down here.
See if you can dig us out.
- How do I get down there?
- Walk out of the kitchen
into the living room
and turn left and go down
the hall to the bathroom.
- I don't have to
go to the bathroom.
- Oh, that miserable.
Just before the bathroom
there's another door.
It leads to a cellar.
You understand?
- Yes, sir.
I'll be right there.
Mr. Douglas?
- What?
- Which way do I turn
when I get to the bathroom?
- You don't have to
go to the bathroom.
- That's what I told you.
- Eb, just before you
get to the bathroom,
there's another door.
- Oh, I think I know now.
I'll be right with you.
Bathroom.
(clattering)
- What was that?
- Sounds like dum dum
fell down the cellar stairs.
- It seems to me there
was another dum dum
who did the same thing.
- Mr. Douglas, where are you?
- We're behind
that pile of rubble.
Can you dig us out?
- Not by myself.
- Well, drive into Drucker's
and get some help.
- Yes, sir.
Mr. Douglas?
- What?
- Can I have the
keys to the car?
- Can I have the
keys to the car?
- Well, I haven't got them,
I thought you had them.
- When I get... Take
your motor scooter!
- Yes, sir.
Don't go away.
- Don't go away.
To think that our
lives may be hanging
by the thin thread
of his intelligence.
- Well, that's a
confronting thought.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
- [Eb] Drucker!
- Eb, watch it.
(wood thumps)
Holy smoke.
You all right?
- Yeah, I guess so.
I just hit my head.
- What was your big hurry?
- It was something
very important.
Mr. Douglas told me to, uh.
- Yeah?
- I forget.
- How about lying
down in the back room?
- No, I don't think that's what
Mr. Douglas told me to do.
- How about a doctor?
- What's the
matter, are you sick?
- Eb, I think you better come
lie down in the back room
and I'll get a cold
towel for your head.
- Yes, sir.
(wood breaks)
- Oh.
It's no use.
- I wonder what is
taking Eb so long.
- That's right, he's been
gone over two hours.
Eb!
Eb!
- Oliver, I'm cold.
Couldn't you light a fire?
- And fill this place
up with smoke?
- But, couldn't you
light one without smoke?
- I'm afraid not.
- How about plugging
in the electrical heater?
- What electrical heater?
- The one we have
upstairs in the bedroom.
- And just how could I do that?
- You could use a
long extension cord.
- The air must be
getting bad down here.
Why don't we do something
to get our blood circulating?
- All right.
Are you circulating?
- Yes, but I meant exercise.
- What kind of exercise
did you have in mind?
- You know.
One, two, three, four.
- Kissing is more fun.
- Come on.
- [Both] One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- Hello?
Anybody home?
- Shh.
I think I heard somebody.
(playful music)
(audience laughs)
(Oliver grunts)
(audience laughs)
Hello?
- Well, I was just, uh.
Well, I was.
- [Oliver] Hello?
- To whom am I talking?
- Hello?
- Hello?
- Is that you, Eb?
- No, it's Hank Kimball.
- Who is it?
- It's Mr. Kimball.
- Oh, I'm glad
somebody showed up.
- Yeah, but why did
it have to be him?
Mr. Kimball?
- Where are ya?
- Go over to the sink.
Talk into the drain.
- How are you, drain?
- Oh, isn't that cute?
- Mr. Kimball, can you hear me?
- Oh, yeah.
You're coming
through loud and clear.
Boy, first time I've
ever talked to anybody
through a sink-o-phone.
Well, over and out.
- Who have I offended?
Mr. Kimball, Mrs. Douglas
and I are trapped down here.
We need somebody
to help us get out.
- Well, I'll go get a plumber.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Kimball?
(door slams)
Mr. Kim... Oh.
- Oh, there, there.
Tears won't help.
- Oh, Lisa.
- Oh, buck up your chin.
- Buck up?
- Oh, come on.
- [Both] One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
- Feeling any better, Eb?
- A little.
If I can just remember what
Mr. Douglas sent me in for.
- Well, just relax.
It'll come back to you.
- Let me see.
I remember listening to
somebody play the kettle drum.
- Just take it easy, Eb.
I'll get you another cold towel.
- How long has Eb been gone?
- Over four hours.
I can't understand where...
- I'm hungry.
Why don't you go to the
pipe and call room service?
- You're full of
vittikisms today.
- The word is witticism.
- What difference does it make?
We're trapped.
- Yeah, but.
- You know, we might be
right under the refrigerator.
There's the cold chicken,
and the ham, and the eggs.
- Look, Lisa. (wood tapping)
I think somebody came in.
(audience laughs)
(Arnold grunting)
Sounds like Arnold.
- Oh, we're saved.
- Only if we can get our hands
on him and make a barbecue.
- What a terrible thing to say.
Tell him we're down here.
- What good will...
- Never mind, I tell him.
He doesn't like you anyway.
Hello, Arnold?
Arnold?
(grunting)
Get close to the sink.
Can you hear me?
(grunting)
He heard me.
- Well, bully for you.
- Arnold, Mr. Douglas and I
are trapped here in the cellar.
Now, I know that you
don't like Mr. Douglas,
but forget about him
and concecrate on me.
- Yeah, concecrate on her.
- Do you want him to
help us or don't you?
- Be my guest.
Only, don't tie up
the pipe too long.
Somebody else
may want to talk to us.
- Arnold.
Arnold, are you still there?
(grunting)
Here is what I want you to do.
Go get help.
Tell them we're
trapped here in the cellar
and to bring shovels.
(grunting)
Shovels.
S-C-H.
How do you spell shovels?
- Oh, boy.
- Well, somebody will
know how to spell it.
Remember, we counting on you.
(grunting)
Oh, Oliver, we're saved.
- Oh, sure.
- Don't you have
any faith in Arnold?
- I'd feel more secure
if he was Lassie.
- Well, between Arnold,
and Eb, and Mr. Kimball,
somebody ought to save us.
- Oh, yeah.
We got a great
group going for us.
- I'll be with you
in a minute, Haney.
I've gotta go put another
cold towel on Eb's head.
- Take your time, Sam.
An emergency is more
important than a can of beans.
(Arnold squealing)
Oh, it's you.
(grunting)
- What's the matter with Arnold?
- Oh, now don't believe
a word he says, Sam.
I was just testing these
gumdrops to see if they is fresh.
(grunting)
- He's upset.
Seems like he's trying
to tell us something.
What is it, Arnold?
(grunting)
I'm sorry, I don't
understand you.
You want to buy a dog leash?
- I guess he must've
bought himself a dog.
- You don't want a dog leash?
A dog collar?
Dog biscuits?
Dog what?
Dog less?
Dog less.
Douglas.
(squealing)
What about him?
- Sam, are you gonna
play charades with the pig
or are you gonna wait on me?
- Just a second, Haney.
Mr. Douglas mousetrap?
Mr. Douglas mouse?
Mr. Douglas trap?
Trapped.
(squealing)
Where?
- Sam, are you gonna...
- Just a second, Haney.
Salt cellar?
Mr. Douglas trapped
in a salt cellar?
- Oh, that was an old
movie on TV last night.
It was Melvin Douglas
and he was trapped
in this salt mine in Siberia.
- Is that what you're talking
about, Melvin Douglas?
Look, Arnold, I'm busy.
Olives?
Oliver, Oliver.
(Arnold squeals)
Oliver Douglas
trapped in a salt cellar.
(Arnold squealing)
- Hey, he's right.
I just remembered.
That's what I
came over to tell ya.
Mr. Douglas and Mrs. Douglas
are trapped in a salt cellar.
Well, it's not a salt cellar,
it's kind of a cave
under the house
where Mr. Haney's
father had a still.
- Well, holy smoke.
- Now, just a second, Sam.
I resent the implication
on my pappy's good name.
He might have done a
lot of things in his lifetime,
but most of them was legal.
- Look, we better...
- Mr. Douglas
said it was a still.
- Well, it might have
looked like a still,
but in reality it was
a nit picking machine.
- Fellas.
- A nit picking machine?
- Yeah, he invented it the
year we had the big nit epidemic.
- And he never made
any liqueur with it?
- Oh, he might have
made a few bottles
of nit wine now and then.
- Fellas, we're wasting time.
The Douglases have
been trapped nearly all day.
Grab a shovel.
We gotta dig 'em out of there.
- Oh, Oliver, I'm frightened.
- Oh now, there's
nothing to worry about.
Somebody will find us.
- But, suppose they don't.
Suppose there is
no more air left here
and they don't get here
in time to resusiticate us?
- Don't talk that way?
- That's the only way
I know how to talk.
- No, I mean, don't give up.
- Oliver, shouldn't
we sing something?
- Like what?
- Something like.
♪ Swing low sweet Harriet
- I don't think
that's appropriate.
- What did they
sing in the movies
when the Titanic went down?
- Lisa, this isn't the end.
- But, in case it is, I want
you to know that being
married to you
was the nicest thing
that ever happened to me.
Why, it was even nicer than
when I lived with the baron.
- What?
- Well, you know
my uncle, the baron.
My aunt and my
uncle took care of me
while my father was
painting the palace.
- Oh, that baron.
- Oliver, you know they
say that at a time like this
your whole life
passes in front of you.
- Yeah, I've heard that, too.
- Are you passing?
- No.
- Neither am I.
Do you suppose there is
something wrong with us?
- I think it would be
better if we didn't talk
and conserved...
(car approaching)
I think I heard a car.
(upbeat music)
- This way.
This way.
Follow me.
(clattering)
- What was that?
- Sounds like dum
dum finally got back.
(whistling)
- Oliver, Oliver?
- What?
What are you waking me up for?
Look, I'm exhausted.
- But, there's
somebody in the kitchen.
- Huh?
(whistling)
What the?
Mr. Kimball.
- Oh, Mr. Douglas.
I'm sorry it took me
so long to get back,
but I couldn't find a plumber,
so I brought this
plumber's helper.
I'll have you out in no time.
- Fine, fine.
Have fun.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat theme music)
- [Lisa] This has been a
Filmways presentation, darling.