11x17 - May Cause an Excess of Ham

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

[Laughs]

[Lever clicks]

♪

MAN: It's alive!

[Robot chicken clucking]

♪

[Laughing evilly]

♪

Ghost Rider,
the tribe has spoken.

Oh, damn you all to hell.

[Bell rings]

Listen up, you little brats.

Your antics at recess have
been entirely too wild,

zany, and satirical.

So today I brought in a guest
to scare you straight.

- Mr. Davidson.
- Holy whomps, that guy is jacked.

I had a lot of time to work out
when I was in the big house.

Whoa, you were in prison?

I sure was.
Locked up in a cage,

no say in what I eat,

only allowed outside
for an hour a day.

Tender. In prison, you get a
whole hour of recess every day?!

Galileo, how much more recess is that

than our current
amount of recess?

Approximately more
hours of recess per year.

Wow!
Prison is like recess heaven!

Ooh, let's do some crimes
so that we can all go to prison!

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Anarchy!

Please don't tell
my parole officer about this.

Goodnight, moon.

Goodnight,
cow leaping over the moon.

Goodnight, clock.

Goodnight, painting.
Goodnight, wall.

Goodnight, rug.
Goodnight, crumbs on the floor.

MAN: Will you just shut up
and go the hell to sleep?!

Damn it, every night
we go through this!

You live in an apartment complex!

Have some common courtesy, my God!

[Crying]

Oh, you guys look
more depressed than me,

- a famously depressed donkey.
- Oh, Eeyore, it's horrible.

Melancholia's
going to destroy us all.

Oh, yeah. Too bad they don't
make SSRis for stuffed animals.

No, the rogue planet Melancholia

that's headed straight for Earth.

Well, that's just... wonderful.

But we're all gonna
d-d-die!

I do not mourn
the Hundred Acre Wood.

All I've known here is the
misery of having a tail that

will not stay on and a house
that refuses to stand up.

Let us embrace death
together, my friends.

- Oh, bother, that's bleak.
- Ohhh.

♪

Oh, dear!

- What happened?
- It must have burnt up on entry.

We're saved!

Oh, [bleep] me.

REPORTER: We can now confirm
reports that Princess Diana

has d*ed today
in a motor vehicle accident.

Diana may be dead,
but her legacy will live on

through me,
the Princess Diana Beanie Baby.

♪

I can't believe
I finally got my braces off!

Oh, my God. Braceface,
what are we gonna call you

if you don't have braces anymore?

- Just Face?
- You're right.

Without my braces, who am I?
Help me, Maria!

[Screaming]
Ow, ow, ow!

I'm back, baby.
Call my dentist.

Mama needs some fresh
mouth metal.

Oh, Alita, it's so neato Dr. Ido
let me join you to eat-o.

I'm a great cook,
if I do say so myself.

Oh, Hugo, that looks good.

Wait, are these my contact lenses?

These things are space bucks
a pair, you scrap scavenger!

[Grunts]

NARRATOR: If you give a mouse
a cookie, he will accept it.

If he accepts a cookie,
he will get spammed.

If he gets spammed,

he will be asked to buy
penis enlargement pills.

If he buys penis
enlargement pills,

he will grow a
♪ super dong ♪.

If he grows a super dong,

he will get a job
doing weird fetish p*rn.

If you get a job doing
weird fetish p*rn,

he will get discovered by
a sleazy Hollywood producer.

If he gets noticed by
a sleazy Hollywood producer,

he will transition
into legitimate movies.

If he transitions
into legitimate movies,

audiences will be
grossed out by his giant dong.

If audiences are grossed out
by his giant dong,

he will be blacklisted
from Hollywood.

If he is blacklisted from Hollywood,

he won't have money to spend
on penis enlargement pills.

If he doesn't have money
to spend

on penis enlargement pills,

his giant dong will shrivel up
and fall off.

And if his giant dong
shrivels up and falls off,

then a bird will think
it's a worm.

And if a bird thinks it's a wor...

What do you mean, they
canceled our show, T-Bone?

We're the Extreme Dinosaurs.

No one wants to watch a group

of ripped dinosaurs
fight crime when there's

already ripped Street
Sharks that fight crime.

And don't forget ripped Mutant
Ninja Turtles that fight crime.

The jacked Biker Mice from Mars
that fight crime.

Let's face it, boys,
we're practically fossils.

I beg to differ.

John Hammond, paleontologist,

theme park impresario,
and subject of the world's first

dinosaur-based
class-action lawsuit.

I have an idea
I think could benefit us both.

- His last idea went off without a hitch.
- Go on.

Believe me, their dinosaur bods
[Muffled club music]

are the only thing
that are Jurassic.

I'm talking about their penises.
Huge [bleep]. Enjoy.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, baby.

Give me my rent money.

Honestly, this is way more
fulfilling then fighting crime.

Yeah, I definitely like being
paid for my body.

I have a dollar bill
up my butthole.

- Jinkies! - Zoinks!
- Roinks!

- Bingo-bango!
- Alakazam!

- Dude.
- Did you two just try to

use exclamatory catchphrases?

You guys are always doing them,
so we thought why not try it?

But, like, dude, that's our thing.

Jesus, you guys are the hot fun.
We're the awkward ones.

- Our catchphrases are all we have.
- Yeah.

And "Bingo-bango"?
"Alakazam"?

- Come on, man.
- Reave it to the pros.

We can come up with
something better.

Hmm. I don't know.

Aah!

- Jinkies! - Zoinks!
- Roinks!

- Gunky-bunky!
- Daddy issues!

♪

Uh, Daph, did you
just yell "daddy issues"?

I'm bad at improv, okay?!

[Cackles]

- Zoinks!
- Roly ruck!

- It's the Old Town Spook! Jinkies!
- Huh. Bazinga!

No, that's
"The Big Bang Theory."

- [Sputtering]
- Uh, Daph?

Daphne! No!

Those two should really
just stick to being hot.

♪

Why are we stampeding?

So, Ralph's kid
yelled hyena again,

and all of a sudden, Shirley
just took off stampeding.

Shirley's always stampeding.

Take a Xanax, Shirley,
honest to God.

MUFASA: Help me, brother!
Aaah!

Bill, I think we just ran over
a full-grown lion.

No, it was a rock.

If that was a rock, then why is
my hoof covered in brains?

Maybe the lion was carrying
an extra brain?

I don't know.
Oh, no!

Oh, we should see if he's okay.

You just hoof-stomped his skull.
Do you think he's okay?

Just keep going!

We should at least leave a note.
It's common courtesy.

Alright, merging right.

Get out of my way.
Get... Let me over.

♪

Father!

[Crying]

Huh?

Well, at least they left a note.
That's common courtesy.

Are you sure we don't need to

pack everything up
for the movers?

Apparently, this place does it all.
[Doorbell rings]

Hi. Come on in.

- Okay.
- Oh, okay.

Watch where you're going.
If you...

Easy. Watch the wall.

Please not the baby!
Aah!

- Those were wedding presents.
- That was my mother's.

[Dog yelps]

[Both scream]

- What the [bleep], Ryan?
- I had a promo code!

Everyone, listen.

The people of St. Olaf are in
trouble, and they need our help.

Gosh, that reminds me
of a time in St. Olaf.

Of course it does, Rose, because
it takes place in St. Olaf. [Laughter]

If we agree to help,

will you spare us
the long and detailed story?

Absolutely. Just don't forget
your oxygen masks.

- Why?
- Because St. Olaf is in space.

Now, those details we
could have used. [Laughter]

♪
[Applause]

How are we just now hearing this?

Actually, if you listen,
the seeds were planted.

St. Olaf had a black hole
on Main Street.

Everyone in town would gather
and stare at it.

In St. Olaf, the Fenderhooven
rocket sure was a beaut.

My birth certificate says
I was born in St. Olaf.

Oh, yeah, that last one
proves nothing.

Unless I had my finger
over the "AR" in "star."

I'd like to have my finger
over your windpipe. [Laughter]

We're like those
old-timer space cowgirls.

Although I can tell you firsthand,

it isn't nearly as exciting as
reverse space cowgirl. [Laughter]

Rose, how did we never notice

- a Fenderhooven rocket in the garage?
- With a tarp over it,

everyone assumed it was one
of Blanche's dildos. [Laughter]

All my tarped dildos
are in the basement.

We should be exiting
the black hole any minute now.

Oh, honey, that's
low-hanging fruit. [Laughter]

Ma, you wandered off again.

You're not supposed
to get out of your seat.

Listen here, big fella.

This rocket isn't the only thing
that needs

to release its undercarriage.
[Laughter]

Somebody tell me what are those
giant pods in the back there?

Giant pods?

Oh, yeah. I assumed Blanche
was harvesting her eggs.

You see? I thought this ship
had a case of hemorrhoids.

♪
Whoa!

Wish I could say this was a first.
[Laughter]

Rose, what did you say
the problem was

on St... sorry, Star Olaf?

Oh, they're being colonized
by an alien species

that is incubating their babies
inside humans.

[All scream]

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Rose, enough about Earth.

Just tell us what happened!

Well, as you know,
Dorothy took down

the mother alien all by herself.

Blanche volunteered to be
impregnated with all the eggs,

saving our people from being hosts.

And Sophia I met a robot
named Bob in the black hole,

whom she wound up marrying.

Say, whatever happened
to the studio audience?

Oh, they got sucked into the
black hole and d*ed. [Laughter]

Triumphant laughter.
Credits.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.