17x19 - One for the Road

[bunniefuu]

Announcer: Gunsmoke, starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Man: Hey!

Woman: Oh! Oh!

And stay out till you sober up!

I shall take my business
where I am appreciated.

Oh!

Coach driver: Hyah! Hup! Hup!

This is the rowdiest town
that I have ever been in.

What's all the sh**ting about?

Oh, it was just some
cowboys having fun, darling.

Uh... that's not
important, Elsie.

- I found him.
- You found him! Where?

Just now. I was... I was
walking down the street,

and there he was,
drunk as usual.

I called to him but he ran
away. He got on the stage.

Oh, Tom, why didn't you catch
him? We can't let him get away again.

I tried, darling.

Believe me, I tried.

I guess heaven takes
care of drunks out here.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

I know where he's
going: Dodge City.

Dodge City...

♪♪

♪ Wonderland ♪

♪ No creature is denied ♪

♪ I'll take my stand ♪

♪ In Wonderland ♪

♪ With Worthless by my side ♪

Whoa!

Whoa.

Well, look at that, Worthless.

Oh!

I see something that I want.

Probably dumped
off of some stage.

Probably ain't got penny
one or pound foolish.

Heh.

Oh, he's a disgusting sight.

Hey.

Oh... A good day to you, sir.

Or madam, as the case may be.

Do you want this bottle?

Bottle? What bottle?

Uh, this... this
here whiskey bottle.

Is it full?

No, it ain't, but you sure are.

Well...

if it's empty, it's
of no matter to me.

Well, can I have it?

Uh, madam,

you may have all the
empty bottles you find.

Oh, thank you!

But if it should
happen to be full,

I would wrestle you for it.

Nobody's gonna
wrestle me for anything.

It was just a figure of speech.

Oh... are you...

heading towards a
tavern, by any chance?

In Kansas we call them saloons.

No, I ain't.

I'm going home,
where you should go.

Oh. Would you...

Would you give me a lift, madam?

My... My legs seem
to be paralyzed.

Well, you got
yourself into this.

Why look to me to get you out?

Please, madam.

Would you leave a cr*pple
lying in the middle of the road?

I can't walk, I tell you.

He says he ain't got
no legs, Worthless.

But don't you worry
about him, honey.

You watch me.

I got a little surprise for him.

See ya, old timer.

Here's to ya.

Oh!

Oh, madam!

Haw haw! I thought so!

- Madam...
- You can walk.

Could you spare me
a small dollop, please?

You keep a-walking.

That'll get your
pores nice and clean.

Madam!

Madam, you are no gentleman!

Get your circulation going.

♪ This land is filled
with fine young bucks ♪

♪ Who catch a lady's eye ♪

♪ They're lean and
long with curly hair ♪

♪ Their charm you can't deny ♪

♪ They hang around
and pester you ♪

♪ For just a kiss or more ♪

♪♪

Hmm?

What is...

Alas, madam, I am unarmed.

And we are acquainted.

We met on the
road this afternoon.

I am Lucius Prince
of Philadelphia.

What do you want?

I'm cold and hungry.

And miserable.

Would you allow me to
warm myself by your fire?

Nobody's gonna warm
themselves by my anything.

Now, get!

Will you not offer
refuge to a man in need?

I know what your need is,
and I ain't got no whiskey for ya.

So you better get out of there,

or I'll blast you
just like I did before.

I... I'm sorry to have
troubled you, madam.

Goodnight.

Hey, you.

Are you out there?

sh**t if you wish, madam.

I'm so cold, I would
not even feel the b*llet.

Sobered up some, haven't ya?

No, madam.

It's simply that the alcohol
has frozen in my veins.

Lord, you know me for a fool.

Come on in.

Looks to me like you
could use some of this.

Don't burn yourself.

I'll get you a cup and saucer.

Could I have
another small portion?

Aye.

I got more.

You stop that!

That was my emergency bottle!

Ah!

That was delicious, madam.

Uh, for your collection.

Whoa.

Love you, girl.

Wait here. Won't be long.

Come on!

Mr. Prince... of Philadelphia.

Get out of there.

I'll get a rise out of ya.

Saloon!

Saloon?

Saloon?

Ah!

Hm! Here's the saloon!

You wanted a saloon,
you got a saloon.

Come on. I'll be
glad to get rid of ya.

Allow me, madam.

Hold it, there.

And may I thank you
for your hospitality.

Morning, folks.
Welcome to Dodge City.

Thank you.

Elsie.

Ma'am.

Please, can you tell me where
the Sheriff's office is, please?

Yes, Marshal Dillon's office is
right down the street, ma'am.

- Marshal Dillon?
- Right.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Let's see here. Two of these.

One of those.

One of these.

Mister,

all of this comes to
quite a bit of money.

Oh, is that a bottle of
Wild Peacock I see there?

I just love Wild Peacock.
I'll have two of those.

And we don't have
any credit customers.

A very good policy for
a business such as this.

But I always pay cash.

Ah.

Can you describe him?

Well, he's an old drunk.

Tom, stay out of this.

Madam.

Elsie: living here in Dodge City,
you simply cannot know the ridicule,

or the humiliation.

He's simply got
to be in this town

because Tom saw him get
on the stage at... Bellefont?

- Mm-hmm.
- And we've checked every stop in between.

We have reason to believe that he
dropped off the stage before it arrived.

Giddy-up! Giddy-up!

- Hey!
- Giddy-up!

That there's the
marshal's horse.

Whoa! Whoa!

That's him, Marshal.
That's him right there.

He's getting away, Marshal.
You've got to get him.

I want you to bring
him back here, Marshal.

I want you to bring him
back here and lock him up.

Who is that man?
What's he to you?

I am ashamed to admit
it, but he is my father.

♪ Wonderland ♪

♪ No creature is denied ♪

♪ I'll take my stand ♪

♪ In Wonderland ♪

♪ With Worthless by my side... ♪

♪ O... ♪

Getting busier here
than a train depot.

Where'd you get that horse?

Madam, I'm sorry
to impose upon you,

but I'm in a bit of trouble.

Yeah! That's Marshal
Dillon's horse you're riding.

That, Madam, is only
part of the trouble.

Well, don't tell me about it. I
got trouble enough of my own.

Please, madam, I only
need to rest for a little while

and then I shall be off.

Well, I don't know's I
got company for folks

that steal other
folks' last drop.

Oh, for that, I beg
your forgiveness.

And I'm here to make amends.

I suppose you stole that, too.

You offend me, madam!

I did not steal it, I paid
for it with my own money.

You mean you only s...
You only borrow horses?

Madam, I borrowed that horse
as a last, desperate measure.

And as soon as I
reach a place of safety,

I shall return that
magnificent animal

with, of course, a
generous rental fee.

I may be a drunkard, madam,

but I am an honest man,

and it would give
me great pleasure

if you would accept this bottle
to replace the one I drank.

- Plus, of course, - Ooh!

An additional one
for any damages

that I may have incurred.

Ooh! Well, thank you.

Of course.

I would like to repay you for
that beautiful stew you made.

Would two more be sufficient?

Just come right in.

- Thank you, madam.
- Bring your things.

I knew you had a generous heart.

Sally: Just set them right
down here on the table.

Of course this ain't no
boarding house, you know.

No...

Oh, madam... what...
what do you think of me?

Well,

if you was ironed
out and cleaned up...

you'd be pretty
near presentable.

Ah.

Well, I must say,

you're more honest
than I had anticipated.

Say, you better go easy on that.

You've got to ride
that horse you stole.

Yes.

Ride a horse. Hm.

I must keep on
running, mustn't I?

Well, one for the trail.

Well...

of course, it's none of my
business what you're running from.

I am running away
from myself, madam.

That's the funniest
thing I ever heard.

You can't run
away from yourself.

You go everywhere you go.

Yes.

I'm finding that out.

That is a very...
painful discovery.

Well... one more for the trail.

You already had one
more than there is trails.

Will you stop nagging me, madam?

Why, sure.

You're growed up enough
to do anything you want.

Yes.

To you, madam.

A most remarkable woman.

Thank you.

I must be off.

I have new worlds to conquer.

And may I thank you

for your hospitality,
Miss Ferguson.

Fergus!

My humble apologies,
Miss Fergus.

Be careful with them bottles.

You have embarrassed
me for the last time, Father.

I-I never meant to
embarrass anybody.

Least of all you.

Well, you are doing a very
fine job of it. Just look at yourself!

Filthy, drunken animal.

Elsie...

When was the last time
you were respectable?

Before your mother d*ed.

Oh, of course. Of course.

Every time you need an
excuse, you bring up Mother.

Elsie, you have
your own life to live.

Why can't you let me live mine?

Father...

Father, as much as I would
love to wash my hands of you,

I can't.

Yes.

What would your friends think?

That's right, my friends.

And I am tired of going across the
street to avoid their questions about you.

Do you know that they come
up to me and they ask me,

"Where is your
father now, Elsie?"

I can hear the
snicker in their voice.

And what am I supposed to say?

Oh, he's drunk,

lying with a pig somewhere,
drunk as a skunk.

- Elsie, please...
- I am tired.

I am tired of being humiliated.

Now, I am going to take
you back, and that's that.

I'd only embarrass you
more in Philadelphia.

No, you won't.

You'll be in a nice, quiet hospital
where you will be well taken care of.

Hospital?

For incurable alcoholics.

No! I-I won't go!

You'll go.

You'll go whether
you like it or not.

Well, he is safe in jail.

And you're certain you
want to take him back now?

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't know,

it's just that if we do
take him back now,

there's going to be all the
trouble with the court appearances

and the attorneys.

Elsie, we might not
even win this thing.

Oh, Tom, we'll win.

It would be so much easier,
and more humane too,

if he'd just have a
stroke or something.

Yes, well he won't. He
is too stubborn for that.

Well, we could
always help him a little.

What?

Darling...

Hey, I'm not serious.

Come here.

Hey.

It's just that I love
you so much, Elsie.

Elsie, I want us
to get married now.

No.

All right.

It's all right.

I just might not be around though
when you finally make up your mind.

Tom, I love you,

and I'd marry you
in a minute if I could.

Would you stop thinking about
Philadelphia for one second?

You don't understand! Tom...

you have never had it, so you
don't know how good it can be.

I mean, the people,

and the social
life, and the parties.

When Mother was alive,
everything... Everything was so perfect.

I mean, we were somebody.

Elsie, I've heard
all this before.

Yes, you've heard
it, but you don't listen.

When my mother d*ed,

and my father started to drink,
it was the gossip of the town.

When Lucius Prince got so
drunk that a club threw him out,

the newspapers printed it.

And everybody was laughing
at me behind my back.

And then everything...
Everything stopped coming in.

Invitations, everything.

But, Tom, I am
going to get back in.

You wait and you see.

Oh, honey.

Honey.

My darling.

What do I care about all that
Philadelphia society business?

My wedding

is going to be at the
cathedral in Philadelphia.

It is going to be the
social event of the year,

and everybody...

Everybody who I've ever hated
is going to be there to see it.

They're gonna have to be.

I mean, the wedding is
going to cost a fortune.

Oh, and Tom,

Tom, everybody is going
to see you on my arm.

You're going to be the
handsomest bridegroom

that ever walked
down that aisle.

I want that.

And Tom, I intend to have it.

All right.

All I want...

All I want is what's gonna
make you happy, darling.

Well, Prince,

since I got my horse back
and there's no harm done,

I'm gonna let you go.

Oh, thank you, Marshal.

I wish there was some way I
could show my appreciation.

Well, there is: just see that you
don't borrow any more horses.

Oh, I won't, I promise.

Uh, do you suppose there's
a stage leaving this afternoon

that I could...

Oh.

In any case, it's too late.

What is he doing out, Marshal?

I released him.

But you can't do that.

Go on, Mr. Prince.

Marshal Dillon, you
cannot let him go!

I have got a court order signed
by Judge Eldridge of Philadelphia

giving me custody of my father.

And I insist that you obey it.

Miss Prince, it's
like I told you before,

this is Kansas,

and all out-of-state warrants have
to be approved by Judge Brooker.

And how can I do that
when he's not even in town?

He'll be back this afternoon. He'll
be staying at the Dodge House.

Now wait a minute, Worthless.

I'm going to give
you something to eat,

as soon as I get unhitched.

Oh, I got the prize this time.

I'll be right back, honey.

♪ No creature is denied ♪

♪ I'll take my stand
in Wonderland ♪

Oh!

♪ With Worthless... ♪

Good day, madam.

How did you get out here?

I rode out on one of
the freight wagons.

Did the marshal let you out?

Or did you escape?

Oh, no, the
marshal's a fine man.

He let me go.

So you made a beeline
for here to bother me.

I needed a drinking partner.

You know, I never touched a
drop all the years we were married.

Um...

I never liked the
taste of it, in fact.

I still don't.

But when she went away...

I-I took my first drink and...

and I never stopped.

When she went away?

You mean, she left you?

She d*ed.

Well, that's death.

Lots of people die.

That's a very
interesting observation.

But you can't spend your life
grieving and drinking for that fact.

You... Life is too short,

even if it is full of
blisters sometimes.

What do you know
about it, madam?

Well, you don't have to know
nothing to have an opinion!

Folks is born and folks die,

and somehow things
just keep on going along.

And to what purpose?

So that I can be
here drinking, -

or so that you can go
around gathering up things

that other people throw away?

Is that our purpose in life?

Well, that's life.

And that's what I like about it.

It takes life to look
up and see old Sol.

To see them mountains.

To know the trees

and to lie in a buffalo
wallow and feel the cool sand.

That's life.

And it takes life to say, "I'm
gonna make 'er no matter what."

Oh!

- Excuse me.
- Oh.

Allow me, madam.

Sally.

Marshal.

H-Hello, Marshal.

You here to arrest me again?

No, but I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you, Prince.

Your daughter has a warrant
to take you back to Philadelphia

for a sanity hearing.

Insanity?

Why, I may be drunk,
but I'm not insane.

Do I have to be there?

I'm afraid so.

She'll win, Marshal.

She always does.

Ever since she
was a little girl,

she always got her own way.

Maybe she shouldn't have.

Ah.

Prince, I'm sorry about it.

It'll be tomorrow
morning at 10:00.

Sally, uh...

I'll see that he's
there, Marshal.

Thank you.

Eat your stew.

Come on!

Oh, madam, I cannot
go another step.

You're gonna keep on
walking until you sober up.

Oh, madam, it'll never work.

I'll never be able to face
that judge in the morning.

- Drink your coffee.
- Oh!

This is unfitting
to be called coffee!

You drink it until it
comes out of your ears!

Madam, it's already sticking
to the roof of my mouth.

Go on, drink it!

Not another sip, madam.
Do you hear? Not another sip!

That ought to do for a while.

Now get your clothes off.

I beg your pardon?

Go on, peel your clothes off.

Madam,

if you do not stop
this kind of talk,

I shall be forced to leave.

You give them here, or I'll
take them off of you myself!

Madam, you will not
lay a finger on me.

Do you hear? Not one finger.

Go ahead, I said.

Get your head down there or
I'll clunk it one with this brush!

Madam, you are not...

You will pay for this.

Oh, stop your grumbling.

Now, give me your arm
so I can lather it up good.

Madam, you are not my keeper.

I am till tomorrow
morning at 10:00.

Then you can do what you please.

You don't want to be put
away for your own good,

do ya, Mr. Prince?

No.

Well, you ain't gonna be.

'Cause by tomorrow
morning at hearing time,

you're gonna be stone sober

and spit-polished and
color and dyed respectable

or my name ain't Sally Fergus.

Madam...

You are a very remarkable woman.

That's what folks say.

I'll drink to that.

♪♪

Now, this is not
a trial, Mr. Prince,

it is merely an informal hearing

to determine whether
or not the state of Kansas

should honor these
out-of-state warrants

presented to this
court by your daughter,

Miss Elsie Prince.

Mr. Prince, I'd
appreciate your attention.

I'm terribly sorry, Your Honor.

Yes, sir?

These affidavits
are quite impressive,

Miss Prince.

Judge Brooker,

those affidavits state very well

the incompetency of my father.

But in no way can they
tell you the way I feel.

You living here in Dodge City

simply cannot know the ridicule

or the humiliation
that I have suffered

by being his daughter.

My father is a sot.

And those documents
that you hold

give ample proof that
my father is not sane,

nor competent to manage
his affairs or himself.

There's no question that that
warrant should be honored.

And that I be given permission

to take my father
back to Philadelphia

where he can get medical help.

Why, shame on ya.

Isn't it true that drinking
is a man's own business?

Not when it prejudices
the public good.

According to these, Mr. Prince,

even your own doctor,

who must be counted as your
friend, since you chose him,

states that allowing
you continued freedom

could and more than likely
would result in disaster.

But, before I rule
on these warrants,

I'd like to hear
your side of it.

Well... Well, Your Honor...

There's nothing I can
add to it except to say

that all of these
statements are true.

Yes, I...

I have been drink...
Drinking for a long time.

It all started when...
when my wife...

d*ed.

I started drinking then.

And then when Elsie got
old enough to take over,

I-I began to drink
even more heavily.

I-I know I...

I should have been
stricter with her.

I should have taken a
hickory rod to her, but...

I couldn't bring
myself to hurt her, so...

I just listened...

and kept on drinking.

And then, a few months ago,

she met Tom Rickaby here...

and things began
to close in on me.

I-I knew something was
up, but I didn't know...

So I just...
disappeared... and I've...

been running ever since.

You said that when
she met Mr. Rickaby,

you knew something
was up. What was that?

Well, I got the feeling...

matter of fact, I was certain...

they were trying to
get me committed...

so they could get
ahold of my estate.

The estate, Mr. Prince?

What does that consist of?

Oh, uh... several
parcels of land...

a couple of businesses.

Meat-packing, an
investment company,

and things of that sort.

How much would you estimate

these land holdings and
businesses of yours are worth?

Oh, uh...

oh, right now I'd
say about, uh...

about a million to a
million-and-a-half dollars.

Why, shame on ya!

Oh, I see.

And you believe that...

your daughter and her fiancé

are trying to get you
committed to a sanitarium

so, uh, so they can get control?

I-I regret to say
this, Your Honor,

but... yes.

He is squandering away a
fortune, Your Honor, and for what?

I am merely looking
out for his interests.

Are you, Elsie?

Yes. And if you weren't so
drunk all the time, you'd see that.

I see a lot more
than you think I do.

Mr. Prince,

if I should refuse to
honor these warrants,

um, what would your plans be?

Oh... I-I don't
know, Your Honor.

I-I haven't given
it much thought.

Will you promise this court

that for a period of one
year, you will not drink?

And that you will return to
the jurisdiction of this court

every six months
to verify that fact?

I-I can promise to try.

Then that's what I
suggest you do... try.

Because if I receive
any unhappy reports,

I'll reopen this case.

Your warrant is denied.

Oh...

Madam...

Wait for me.

Don't leave without me.

Darling, let's get out of here.

Elsie.

Anything you wanted,
you could have had.

I don't think we have anything
more to say to each other.

Don't you think out of a lifetime,
you could spare me at least...

five minutes?

Please?

Elsie?

You go on.

All right, I'll be waiting
for you in front of the hotel.

Well, you won. I might
as well be nice to you.

I mean, maybe you'll
remember me in your will.

I wrote this the day I ran away,

but I never mailed it.

I was afraid to give
you your freedom.

I guess I needed you then.

But I don't now.

You've had this all this time?

There's enough there to make you
comfortable for the rest of your life.

It isn't everything.

That I won't give you.

Father, is this good?

I mean, you wouldn't
trick me, would you?

Oh, it's good all right.

You just present it at any bank.

I'm sorry.

Elsie, despite what
you might think,

I love you very much.

I really don't want to
interfere with your life,

but I'm afraid I have to.

What do you mean?

Were you and Tom
in Bellefont last week?

Yes, that's how we knew
you were in Dodge. Why?

Well, didn't you ask yourself why I
left in the boot of the stage coach?

I had plenty of
money to buy a ticket.

I still have.

Well, Father, I just
assumed that you were drunk

and that he wouldn't
let you on the stage.

Oh, I was drunk all right.

But that wasn't the reason.

Somebody was sh**ting at me.

Almost got me.

You were very close
to being an heiress.

Are you saying that Tom did it?

Who else had something to
gain by sh**ting an old drunk?

Oh, Father.

You carry so much money around
and you don't care who sees it.

Whoever sh*t at me wouldn't have dared
to rob me in the middle of the street.

If... If you thought that Tom did it, why
didn't you say something to the judge?

Because you're engaged to him.

People might have
thought you were his, uh,

his accomplice.

Goodbye, Elsie.

Lose something, honey?

Yes, uh, did you see a tall man

standing out here
about a minute ago?

Best looking man I ever saw.

Stood here for a minute,
then lick-tailed it to the stable.

You get tired of him,

you bring him right back
here to me, you hear?

Marshal,

I don't know, I could be
wrong, but... I hope so...

But it's Tom, Tom Rickaby. I
think he's gonna k*ll my father.

Why would he do that?

It's too long to go into.
Please, Marshal, hurry.

- Where is he now?
- My father's with that old woman.

I don't know, probably
wherever she's living.

You're very quiet.

Well, that's my nature.

You know, I was thinking,

here we are, two people
in the twilight of our lives,

living alone and
not... I don't live alone!

I got my Worthless.

Come on, honey.

Well, that's not quite
the same, is it, madam?

After all, a mule is not
the same as a human...

As what?

Madam, will you
stop interrupting?

Well, why don't you stop
asking me questions?

What I'm trying to say, madam,
if you had a brain in your head...

Ooh! Look!

Whoa!

Lookie there!

Wahoo!

Madam, wait! Wait!

- Look at that!
- Madam!

- Have you ever seen...
- Will you come back?

I am proposing!

You see this?

Why, look at that!

Oh, my God.

You ever see anything
as pretty as that?

Now, what on earth are
you going to do with this?

I may even keep this for myself.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, madam,

this thing is worthless.
Absolutely worthless.

Now...

Oh, ain't that
something. Now help me.

Be very careful, please.
You may strain something.

- Well, help me.
- I will not!

Absolutely not!

Well, if you help me a little,

I'll give you a little listen.

- Well, very well.
- Oh, good.

All right, now slide
her your way a little bit.

- What I'm trying to say is that...
- Okay, ready?

As I've said before on
numerous occasions,

you are a remarkable woman.

Oh, my.

Now, you and I are
approximately the same age.

At least, I suspect so.

The past few days,
I've begun to realize

that I don't want to
grow any older alone.

Just having...

To be able to look
up and see you there...

Oh, this is ludicrous.

While I'm proposing,
I am getting a hernia.

Huh?

Now, madam, you will sit down,

and I will talk
and you will listen.

Do you understand?

Now, what I'm trying to say,
and very badly I'm afraid...

is that you and I...

could spend our
remaining years together.

Mr. Prince, when I
was a lot younger...

I used to dream...

about a fine gentleman...

making a propose to me.

And I'd think... what
I would say to him...

and what he would say
to me and all like that.

But... that never
happened till now.

Well, then, as an act of mercy,

will you give me
a plain yes or no?

Thank you very much, Mr. Prince.

But I can't.

And it ain't because I
don't think the sky eye of ya.

Because I do.

But...

we got different lives to lead.

You couldn't come
live at my old shack

and pick bottles and junk.

And I... I couldn't
live no other way.

Well, couldn't we try?

Well, uh, no...

You really want to know
what the downright truth is?

Yes!

Well, I'm looking for
something younger.

There's still a lot of
them bucks in the woods.

I understand.

God, I hope you
don't hold it against me

because I'm looking
for younger stuff.

I know what you're
saying, madam.

And you're absolutely wrong.

You may think I'm a
Philadelphia gentleman,

but... I'm not.

Oh, yes you are... Mr. Prince.

You're the finest
gentleman I ever seen.

Philadelphia or any other place.

Get down!

Lay down!

Hold it!

Good for you,
Marshal! You got him!

Oh, honey.

Oh! I can't look.

Am I bleeding?

Oh, let me see. Oh, yes, some.

But don't worry, honey,
your blood is pure whiskey.

Let me help you
back to the wagon.

Come on, I'll give you a lift.

Now just bear down
on my shoulder.

Ooh! Here...

Well, you better get
on, now, Mr. Prince.

The stage is about
ready to pull out.

Miss Sally.

Thanks, Burke.

That's Burke.

I shall miss you, madam.

Ah, don't give me
none of your sweet talk.

Stage driver: Hyah! Hyah!

Goodbye...

Mr. Prince.

Announcer: Stay tuned for exciting
scenes from our next Gunsmoke.