04x06 - Oh Goodie, I’m the Winner

[bunniefuu]

- (CHLOE COUNTS IN FRENCH)

YUSUF: Helene could be arriving
in London any minute now.

Don't worry. I didn't get
anything out of her.

- Bravo, Eve.
- KONSTANTIN: So Helene?

- You want to k*ll her?
- VILLANELLE: Yes.

- _
- She might be able to help you.

Carolyn.

How many of us are there?

- _
- Johan is alive.

KAROLINA: But he drowned.

The police found his body in the lake.

I am sorry for having hit you
over the head with an oar.

HELENE: Did you really think
I wouldn't get back at you?

(DARK, DISORIENTING MUSIC)

KONSTANTIN: It's not happening.

- EVE: None of this is sterilized.
- KONSTANTIN: Relax!

Pam knows what she's doing.

(EVE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

EVE: Have you lost your mind?

- She's good with anatomy.
- (STAMMERS)

Of corpses! I mean, this
could be impaling an organ.

- Oh, so dramatic!
- It could be slicing into an artery.

VILLANELLE: Can I see it?

- PAM: Please, keep still.
- No, don't...

Don't! She shouldn't see it!

Fine! Look.

(SCOFFS)

It's disgusting!

- Oh! Get it out of me!
- We need a hospital.

- We need a hospital.
- No way!

Why is she here? Get rid of her!

I need quiet. Let me focus.

Bite down on this.

I need you to breathe deeply and slowly.

The faster your heart beats,
the faster your blood pumps

and you don't want your
blood pumping fast, okay?

Okay, here. Just... I just...

Squeeze down on my hand.
Squeeze down. No!

- Just squeeze down on my hand!
- I'm gonna count to three.

- Ready?
- One, two...

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Better to surprise her.

Ohh!

- You did great. Okay.
- (VILLANELLE GASPS)

- Just need to clean it.
- Arggh! (MOANS)

(PANTS HEAVILY)

- (BIRDS CHIRP)

CAROLYN: You've changed.

LARS: You haven't.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

It's a sad thing.

- How did you find me?
- Karolina.

She's even a worse liar
than she was a novelist.

- What do you want?
- There's someone coming for you.

Is it you, here to finish
what you started?

Fair, but wrong.

I will tell you who it is.

You tried to k*ll me
and left me for dead.

Then you ran an MI task force

trying to unmask The Twelve.

Then you betrayed your own country

and jumped into bed with the Russians.

Why would I believe you?

Because, Lars,

the artist formerly known as
Johan, you have no choice.

Someone is brutally torturing your peers

and you're next.

What do you want?

I'm here to offer you a deal.

I'll tell you who's coming for you...

if you tell me who ordered
my son's death.

Remember your father?

There's always collateral damage.

You of all people know that.

Not my son.

Tea's in the kitchen. Two sugars.

Oh.

So I'm making it, am I?

It looks like Gunn found you first, huh?

This was Gunn?

- Mmm.
- It's because of me.

- Why?
- Helene.

- Punishing me.
- Get over yourself.

It's because I didn't finish
a job she gave me.

Or it's both.

Helene likes to k*ll two
birds with one stone.

One arrow.

Hey, Pam, I'm impressed.

Just a flesh wound,

- which is insanely lucky.
- Hah! It's not luck.

If Gunn missed, it was intentional.

Did you get antibiotics
for your ear infection?

- Yes.
- She's gonna need them.

Wh... what about my ear?!

Who cares about your
ear? Give them to her.

Are you going to apologise
for sh**ting me?

Oh-ho-ho, she sh*t you?

KONSTANTIN AND EVE: Yes!

Barely. Just in the hand.

That is an extremely painful place!

LARS: Acupuncture.

All about working with
the invisible meridians

- in our bodies.
- Yep,

I do know what acupuncture is.

- Was it you?
- Did I get your son k*lled?

Maybe.

Did you?

No.

So can you get me a name?

Who's coming after me?

Give me my name and I'll give you yours.

(CHUCKLES)

Come on.

The only reason you're here
alone in the woods with me

is because you've no other options.

But can I be trusted?

Tricky!

(BIRDS CHIRP)

- It's Helene.
- Helene?

Are you surprised it's a woman?

I mean, anyone would think that a
vag*na was an invisibility cloak.

What does she want from you?

Ask her.

- Well, you should.
- You will meet her.

- I will not.
- You will.

I'll ask her to meet me
and then you show up.

Now, that will really shock her.

That's if you want to know who ordered
your son's death, of course.

Fine. Make the call.

(DREAMY MUSIC)

(WINCES)

(GROANS)

Go away.

How's it feel?

She just gave me stitches

with a sewing kit from a
Christmas cr*cker, so...

I'm serious, Eve.

Go.

(GROANS)

- Oh, oh...
- (MOANS)

Here. Let me. Come on.

- Hey... okay, okay, okay.
- Oh!

Okay, okay.

Sorry.

- Put this on.
- Give it to me.

- Put your arm in.
- I can do it myself.

Okay.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

(GRUNTS)

Ow...

(GENTLE MUSIC)

(GROANS)

SONG: ♪ Don't take her ♪

♪ She's no good ♪

♪ To you... ♪

You had me arrested.

♪ Trust me... ♪

I thought locking you away
might be good for me.

♪ She will hate you ♪

♪ Like I do... ♪

Was it?

There.

It suits you.

Helene is going to try
and k*ll you again.

(GROANS)

What are you doing?

Oh, I've got to go.

No, don't be ridiculous.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

KONSTANTIN: Helene thinks you are ready,

but the first hit is never easy.

Do you think you're ready?

Yeah.

How are you gonna do it?

Um...

You need to have a plan.

- I'm working on something.
- Listen.

What happened to Villanelle,

it will be me next.

And then one day it will be you.

No. She doesn't follow rules.

I will.

Once you k*ll for The Twelve, that's it.

No going back.

Mmm?

(BOTH SLURP)

(GULLS CAW)

(MOTORISED WHIRRING)

(HORN BEEPS)

(WHIRRING CONTINUES)

You want a ride?

No.

You know you can just get
these at supermarkets?

They have them with the trolleys.

(HORN BEEPS)

- Come on. It's fun.
- (HORN BEEPS)

(SCOFFS)

I thought I lost you there for a minute.

And?!

I didn't like it.

Do you know who Lars Meier is?

He's high up in The Twelve

and he's connected to Carolyn.
I mean, maybe she's at the top.

I have an address to the
squat in Berlin and...

Look, I know this is going to end badly,

- but we can't just walk away.
- I don't care.

I have my own stuff to deal with.

- It's not gonna end...
- Eve, just go!

(INDISTINCT DREAMY SINGING)

Okay.

The brakes are a little...

(INDISTINCT DREAMY SINGING CONTINUES)

(WHIRRING)

Remind me why I'm doing this again.

YUSUF: Which part? Abducting minors

or leaving me in London?

- All of it.
- Because it's The Twelve.

Bill. Kenny.

And there's that time they forked
your husband in the throat.

I can't believe... I can't
believe I believed her.

- Villanelle?
- No, Carolyn.

She's Twelve, as in,
original Twelve. (SCOFFS)

She's played me since the moment
she knocked on my front door.

Yeah.

She should go to Vegas. She'd clean up.

All right, let me try and find her.

Thank you.

SONG: ♪ I once had... ♪

WOMAN: Are you okay?

♪ A lover... ♪

Just a headache.

Painkillers.

♪ Or did lover have me? ♪

Thanks.

♪ It set me free ♪

♪ It set me free. ♪

Ohh.

_

(GRUNGY ELECTRO-POP MUSIC)

(DIALLED PHONE RINGS)

EVE: Yes?

You said the squat was in Berlin?

- Yeah.
- So is Carolyn.

- Carolyn?
- She's looking for Lars.

Wait. What? How do you know...

(PHONE CLICKS)

- _
- (WOMAN CALLS OUT INDISTINCTLY)

Juicy meatball subs!

Cheesy, meaty sandwiches!

Sandwiches!

Best balls in town!

Hey, baby.

- You new?
- Yeah.

Ooh! Welcome aboard. How cute.

Sandwiches! Sandwiches!

Best balls in town.

- Sandwiches!
- San... sandwiches.

You want to try? Best balls in town.

Tasty tuna!

Fiery beef!

You shy girl, yeah?

- A bit, yeah.
- Aww. Don't worry.

You're gonna be great.
I was shy when I started too.

Cheesy! Cheesy, hammy sandwich!

I was alone in this butthole country

without a penny to my name.

That must have been hard.

Hard? Ay, chica. Hard as marbles.

But now look at me.

Happy.

Got a free coffee this morning.

And my mama is going to
fly out and visit me.

Oh!

I really love my mama.

That's... so great.

Um, I'm just gonna go over here,
see if I have more luck.

- Okay, baby.
- Okay.

- Sandwiches!
- San... sandwiches!

(CHUCKLES)

Sandwiches!

You sure she's the right person?

- KONSTANTIN: Yes. Why?
- Well, she's... nice.

Hah!

Well, do you know what she's done wrong?

No. We don't get to ask
and we don't get to think.

Just have to do.

It's not nice, but it is necessary.

Sandwiches!

She's just not what I was expecting.

This is the life you're signing up for.

Walk away now...

or k*ll her.

Your call.

Fiery, beefy!

Juicy! Cheesy!

Sandwiches!

_

(GATE SQUEAKS)

(SPEAKS GERMAN) _

_

_

_

Ah.

Carolyn.

You have a very large stride.

Funny, my father always said that.

You also have a nasty habit
of scuppering my plans.

Ah, yes. You want me dead.

Oh, that's nothing that can't be solved.

I'll watch my back.

I was so excited when
I received Lars's call.

It's always nice to be noticed.
But... you showing up?

Now, that really is a treat.

Are you one of us, Carolyn?

So sorry. I've just had
a very vivid memory

of throwing up over there.

Oh, so you've been here before?
You really do get around.

(SCOFFS) Well, it was a long time ago.

I was dared to down an entire
bottle of Kräuterlikör.

I was spinning around in circles.
It was really quite awful.

I mean, the vomit just...

erupted out of me, like
Mount Vesuvius. Eugh!

Well, that's the chitchat done, so...

Why are you targeting Lars?

Why are you doing his dirty work?

How do you know he's not doing mine?

Oh, well, I don't.

I want the name of his superior.

He can give it willingly or
it will be taken by force.

- You're familiar with my work?
- Yes.

You seem to have a sort of foot fetish.

It's a very nice touch.

Thank you. That means a
lot from someone like you.

My father knew your father.

You're not...

You aren't. You're...

You're Jacques's daughter?

I am.

My father loved him.

It strikes me that we're
quite similar, you and I.

Both masters of our own games.

And very different rules.

Why are you risking your life

for the human equivalent
of a lump of ham?

Am I risking my life?

The name of the superior

and I might spare his life.

But I'm not a patient woman.

Righty-ho.

You're not gonna sh**t
me in the back, are you?

Oh, that wouldn't be very polite.

Good. You're learning.

(WOMAN CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY)

WOMAN: I think if we had vegan,

I would've had...

- Hey.
- What's wrong?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Of course!

Did someone upset you?
(SIGHS) That happens.

But you grow a thick skin,
like a big elephant.

Just give it a week or two
and then you'll be fine.

You'll stop caring.

- I'm sorry.
- Hmm?

(BOTH GRUNT)

Arggh!

Get off me!

- Ohh!
- (STRAINS)

Get off me!

Ugh!

(GRUNTS)

- Get off me!
- (BOTH YELL AND GRUNT)

Get off me!

Help!

(PANTS)

You don't have to do this.

Please!

Thank you for being kind to me.

(WEEPS)

Ugh!

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

SONG: ♪ Yes, I love you ♪

♪ I'll do anything you say. ♪

_

- EVE: Is Kreuzberg far?
- MAN: No. minutes.

(TRIPPY ELECTRO-POP MUSIC)

St... stop, stop!

Danke. Danke.

Um, can you... Forward? Go ahead.

Forward. Thank you.

Um... Guten tag. Guten tag.

I'm sorry. Do you speak...
do you speak English?

- Yeah, yeah.
- The French lady who just left.

I was supposed to meet her.

Did she say where she was going?

No, I'm afraid not. She was just
here with, uh, a British lady.

- British lady?
- Yeah.

- Tall, red hair?
- Yeah. (SPEAKS GERMAN)

- Is she still here?
- No, she left about minutes ago.

Thank you.

Can you follow that
car that turned right?

Thank you.

(SHOUTS IN GERMAN) _

_

(GRUNTS AND YELLS)

This is embarrassing.

I'll blow my brains out before
I betray anyone for that bitch.

Have you got me a name?

I'll tell you who k*lled Kenny.

You.

You didn't pull the trigger,
but you k*lled him.

Try telling me something
I don't already know.

Still, I need a name

and I am relying on your honour,

if you've got any left.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(SIGHS)

(UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC)

('DON'T YOU WANT MY LOVE'
BY DEBBIE JACOBS PLAYS)

Why are you not eating?

She seemed like a good person.

When this job get easy,
then it's time to get worried.

(WOMAN SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS NEARBY)

So, embalming.

Did you enjoy it?

I loved it.

What are you doing here?

Do you think I'm crap or something?

You keep trying to make me quit.

No!

I just don't normally
train girls like you.

Usually people who have no
other chance or options.

Why are you here?

Helene was the first person
who believed in me

and I think I could be good at it.

Why are you here?

(MUTTERS)

Things kind of, uh, snowballed.

Pamster-Hamster!

Fancy seeing you here.

Uh, are you gonna skate or...

I'm busy.

- Oh.
- Sorry.

Okay.

Pam, life is miserable.

Go and take the joy when it comes along.

('DR LOVE' BY TINA CHARLES PLAYS)

♪ Dr. Love, please come running ♪

♪ Can't you see I'm in pain? ♪

Oh, don't worry.
I won't bother you again.

♪ Dr. Love, please come running ♪

♪ Can't you see I'm in pain? ♪

♪ My pulse is getting weaker ♪

♪ Please come back again... ♪

Hmm.

(SPEAKS FRENCH) _

_

_

_

_

(PHONE TRILLS)

Oh...

Mm-hm.

Good.

Let's have Pam do it.

A challenge.

Ohh!

(SOFT, TENSE MUSIC)

(FARTS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(DOOR OPENS)

(HELENE SIGHS)

You're stalking me again.

EVE: What did Carolyn have to say?

Carolyn?

Oh, you were at the squat.

So you're working together?

Please. She wishes.

- Drink?
- No.

Cheers.

I hear Villanelle had a lucky escape.

Oh, what a relief!

So... we have a bath...

you kiss me...

and now you come to my hotel.

What is it you want, Eve?

Where's Carolyn?

(CHUCKLES) God, you're
always go, go, go.

Come.

Sit.

Arggh! Oh!

(GROANS)

- VILLANELLE: Surprise!
- Oh!

There's gonna be consequences,
Villanelle. You know that.

- Huh!
- Arggh!

Ohh!

Eve!

Oh!

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

SONG: ♪ Mother's been a bad girl ♪

♪ Mother had no choice ♪

♪ Mother's been a bad girl ♪
♪ Mother's been a bad girl... ♪

Make it glorious, huh?

(LAUGHS)

Oh!

- (SLICING)
- (EVE GASPS)

♪ Mother's been a bad girl,
bad girl, bad girl... ♪

(WHEEZES)

(WHEEZING STOPS)

(VILLANELLE PANTS)

Where are you going?

I'm done with you.

(HAZY, MOURNFUL MUSIC)

(EXHALES)

(PHONE RINGS)

Yusuf?

YUSUF ON PHONE: Cobra Cabs, Berlin.

Huh?

Carolyn paid for a taxi
with them this morning.

Oh... thank you.

(TEARFULLY) Oh, my God. Thank you.

Don't get yourself k*lled.

SONG: ♪ Won't you take it? ♪

(INDUSTRIAL METAL MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

Hello?

- (EVE SPEAKS BROKEN GERMAN)
- (TURNS DOWN MUSIC) Hey!

(SPEAKS GERMAN) _

Maybe. I wondered if you could help me.

Have you seen this lady?

Oh, yeah, earlier today.

She left my car in a hurry.

Oh, did she say where she was going?

Nope.

The thing is if people
don't interfere with me,

I don't interfere with them.

That's my moral code.

Ahh.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, this lady
was the boss from hell.

She made me a pawn in her
international k*lling ring.

She got me sh*t. And she never paid.

Is that breaking the moral code?

Damn right, it is.

(PHONE BLIPS)

(DIALLED PHONE RINGS)

- MAN ON PHONE: Hello.
- Homie!

(SPEAKS GERMAN) _

_

_

(SIGHS)

Well?

(INDUSTRIAL METAL MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

(HORN TOOTS)

(TURNS DOWN MUSIC)

Fred is the only other driver
working out that far.

Your lady got another cab
after me and it was with Fred.

British lady?

- Uh, yes.
- Ja, I drove her.

It's just I get so many fares
every day, you know?

It's hard to remember.

(CHUCKLES)

If you want a bribe, can
you just tell me how much?

- Is that...
- Whoa, whoa! Let's be chill.

is a lot!

is fine.

Do you have change?

Thank you.

(FLY BUZZES)

(SOFT, PENSIVE MUSIC)

(BRANCH SNAPS)

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(CAROLYN SIGHS)

Well, you really are like a bad penny.

Switching taxis doesn't work
when the driver has a moral code.

A word of advice, Eve.

k*lling Lars would be a very bad move.

Who says he's the one I want to k*ll?

Janice.

You were a member of
The Twelve all along.

No, I was infiltrating
an anarchist group.

- It was my first undercover...
- Just stop.

Lars went by the name Johan then.

He was there at the beginning. He was...

- Beginning of what?
- Stop interrupting.

They were revolutionaries.

Johan and his chums had
ideas about causing chaos,

you know, just disrupting
the status quo or whatever,

which all seemed very
alluring at the time,

but of course, it went astray
because power inevitably corrupts.

Evidently.

I am not Twelve.

You are full of sh*t.

You don't care who you betray.
You are rotten to the core.

God's sake, Eve, we both
want the same thing.

I'm just doing a much better job!

So stop stomping around
threatening to k*ll people

and let me do my thing.

I am this close!

If I thought that man had k*lled my son,

he'd be dead already.

But he didn't.

He can tell us who did, though.

This isn't about Kenny.

(SIGHS)

It is.

For me.

Just give me an evening with him.

Fine.

LARS: Carolyn?

Hmm. Yeah, trees.

Tree, tree, tree.

Huh.

(HUMS CASUALLY)

- Tree, tree...
- I'm sorry you saw me like that.

You and me both.

(FIRE CRACKLES)

You're not like the other women.

You could keep up with me.

- I need a name.
- I know.

I was angry.

I'm working on it.

(DOOR OPENS)

You should really lock your door.

- Eve, don't!
- Ugh!

No!

How does it feel?

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

Well done.

You've k*lled one.

Now they'll just replace him.

Again and again.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

Over... and over

and over.

SONG: ♪ I know your heart is broken ♪

♪ No matter how hard you try ♪

♪ You'll do it oh-oh-over ♪

♪ You'll do it all over ♪

♪ No-one can save you ♪

♪ Not her ♪

♪ Not even him ♪

♪ One day you'll thank them ♪

♪ The heartbreakers ♪

♪ For the hard love ♪

- _
- ♪ The only thing that could set you free ♪

♪ That will set you free ♪

♪ Heart soft ♪

♪ Head is strong ♪

♪ Then just when you think
it couldn't get worse ♪

♪ That's when you'll hold tight ♪

♪ That's when you'll hold tight ♪

♪ No-one can save you. ♪

(SHEEP BLEAT)

(WOMAN PANTS NEARBY)

(CUSSES IN FRENCH)

Hey!

My back hurts.

(BRASH BRASS INTRO)

(ROWDY FRENCH POP FOLK MUSIC)

(SHEEP BLEATS)

(BOTH GRUNT AND YELL)

Ugh!

Ohh! (GRUNTS)

Arggh!

(BOTH GRUNT)

Ohh!

(GROANS)

Huh!

(BOTH CRY OUT)

(BOTH GROAN)

(FRENCH POP FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(CHUCKLES)

Huh.

(CHUCKLES)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)

(BOTH EXHALE)

Can I stay here?

(POP FOLK MUSIC CONTINUES)

KONSTANTIN: Extra pickles and a Coke.

YUSUF: Hey, what was the last
really fun thing that you did?

- EVE: I can't remember.
- Well, you're in luck

because I put the 'F' in 'fun'.

MAN: I hope you don't
mind the intrusion.

But I bought us both an aperitif.

YUSUF: All we can do in life

is try to find some joy
in the little things.

- GUNN: What can you see?
- VILLANELLE: Hairy pigs.

What's wrong with you?

- You look like an angry Santa Claus.
- MAN: It's an incredible feeling,

being inches from the thing
you've been looking for.

(SPLUTTERS)