01x07 - Lionel Cries Uncle

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

Three, four, five, six,

Seven, eight... Ahh!

George! Oh, you
scared me half to death.

Good. Now let's try
for the other half.

Oh, george!

George!

Oh! Not with the
good silver, weezy.

What are you doing home
anyway? Did you forget something?

No. I remembered something. I
remembered that I am the boss,

And I can take a coffee
break anytime I feel like it.

Well, there's some over there.

That's the good part
about being the boss.

You can drink
coffee all day long,

And every once in a while
take you a little wife break.

Ahh! George!

Peace. Well, how do you
like the new silverware?

It's beautiful, but do
we need all this stuff?

Of course we do. This is a 65-piece
service for eight. It's got everything.

Yeah, you're right. I just
found the chitlin' boat.

Just remember, this
is sterling silver.

So after you clean it,
put it away real careful.

I'm not putting it away. I'm
gonna use it for dinner tonight.

That silver is for
special occasions.

I haven't seen my
uncle in ten years.

And to me, that's
a special occasion.

Not to me, it ain't. The less I
see of that uncle tom uncle...

Uncle ward.

You heard me the
first time. Uncle tom.

I don't like you saying that. And I
don't like him chewin' on my good silver.

Hey, hey, hey. Y'all fighting so early?
- 00.

It's never too early
for your father.

His mouth is open for
business 24 hours a day.

Lionel, you don't know how lucky you
are to have this lady as your mother.

Huh? That way you can
never marry into her family.

That's what this is
about. Mom's uncle tom.

Lionel! Uncle ward. I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. If the
shoe fits, let him shine it.

Lionel, your father don't
know what he's talking about.

But you've had the benefit of me,
so don't go around name-calling.

What else can you call a man
who spent 20 years of his life...

Being a sl*ve for some
rich dude in hyannis port?

He wasn't a sl*ve.
He was a butler.

- Did he hurt his back?
- What?

Well, you know, all that bowing
and scraping and kissing people's feet.

You don't know what you're talking
about, lionel, because you had it too easy.

My uncle was working in the
fields when he was ten years old.

He was a stevedore and a merchant
seaman before he became a butler.

And a darned good one.

He was so good at it, he don't even sound
like a country boy from the bottom no more.

He talks like one of them uppity
honkies, all proper and saditty.

Shouldn't you be getting
to school? Oh, yeah.

By the way, lionel, how
you makin' out in school?

If things keep up like they're
going, I'm gonna be on the dean's list.

What? Didn't I tell you
to stay out of trouble?

I don't want your
name on nobody's list.

Pop, it's an honor. It means
I've been getting good grades.

Oh. Oh!

Yeah. Lionel, I'm really,
really proud of you.

Most of my family never
even got through high school.

Now I got me a son who's
not only going to college,

But he's getting on... What's
that list? The dean's list.

The dean's list. Right. Make sure
that dean spells your name right.

That's jefferson with two
f's. And lionel with two l's.

Get out of here. Ow!

Were you with that, louise? My
son is gonna be on the dean's list.

Let me tell you what that
means. It means the honor list.

Oh. It also means he ain't gonna wind up
no butler like that tom uncle of yours.

Let me remind you
of something, george.

If my uncle hadn't helped
us out during the bad days,

There wouldn't have
been any food on the table.

Aren't you grateful
for that? Sure I am.

But just because I'm grateful
doesn't mean I gotta like him.

Well, do it for me, george.

You be nice to him even if
you have to force yourself.

I can't lie about
my real feelings.

Why not? I've lied
about mine lots of times.

Oh, yeah? Like when?

Like right now.

Mother jefferson.

How nice it is to see you.

Are you feeling
all right, louise?

- Hi, ma.
- Oh, george.

What are you doing here
today, mother jefferson?

I always visit on
fridays. Today's thursday.

It never hurts to
be a little early.

Of course if I'm not welcome...

Oh, don't be silly.
You're always welcome.

It's just that we're having company
tonight and I wasn't expecting you.

No problem. Just set
another place at the table.

Oh, I wouldn't want louise
to put herself out for me.

Not that she ever
does. Now, mama...

It's all right, george.

I'll just sit in the kitchen
and eat the leftovers.

You'll sit at the table
with everybody else.

Oh, how sweet of
you to invite me.

Who's your company?

It's my uncle ward. I don't
think you've ever met him.

Why, has he been away in jail?

No. He's retired and he's
spending a couple of days with us...

Before he goes
to live in georgia.

Have you had
breakfast yet, ma? Yes.

But I could stand
another cup of coffee.

There's a pot on the
stove. Go help yourself.

Hmmph. Might as well
go to a cafeteria...

For all the service
I get around here.

It's going to be a long
day, george. A long day.

Sterling silver.

I see you've found another way
to spend george's money, louise.

I didn't want it. George
bought it, mother jefferson.

Oh, it's lovely.

Lovely.

Right this way,
sir. Thank you, sir.

Sure I can't give you a
hand with those bags?

No, thank you,
sir. I can handle it.

George. It's good to see
you again. Hi there, uncle.

After you, sir.
Thank you, sir. "Sir"?

Louise. Uncle ward.

Oh, it's been such a long time.

Louise, you look wonderful.

Will that be all,
sir? Yes, thank you.

I'll take care of this.
Here you are, ralph.

Oh, thank you,
mr. Jefferson, sir.

Thank you kindly, sir. And
thank you for your help, sir.

You're very
welcome, sir. Sir. Sir.

Look, you don't have to say "sir" to
my doorman just because he's a h*nky.

That had nothing to do with
it. It was merely good manners.

Look, this is all the good
manners you need. Didn't you notice?

I just gave him two of these,
and the "sirs" came pouring out.

Oh, mother jefferson.

I would like you
to meet my uncle.

Uncle ward, this is my
mother-in-law, mrs. Jefferson.

- How do you do?
- Mrs. Jefferson.

It's a real pleasure to meet
you after all these years.

You're much younger and far
more attractive than I'd imagined.

Thank you.

Uh, george, uncle
ward must be tired.

I'm sure he'd like to freshen up.
Why don't you show him to his room?

Okay. Thanks, louise.

It's been a long, tiring trip.

Yeah, your back must be aching
from all that bowin' and scrapin'.

No more than your arm is
from reaching for your wallet.

Louise, your uncle
is a charming man.

Thank you. Is he a blood
relative or was he adopted?

- I gotta get back to work.
- Wait, george.

Let us get one thing straight.

As long as my uncle is here,

I don't wanna hear any more of those
nasty cracks like the one you just made.

Understood? Yassah, mrs.
Jefferson. Sho' nuff, ma'am.

Come on, feet. Get
movin'. We goin' to de do'.

And then there was
the night that mr. Martin

Had invited 12
for dinner at 8:00.

And at 7:00, the
cook broke her leg.

So mr. Martin turned to me and
he said... Louise, when we gonna eat?

Just as soon as
lionel gets here.

And don't yell. You'll
wake your mother.

Isn't she feeling
well? She's fine.

She always takes a
nap before dinner.

She likes to be up to full strength
when she criticizes my cooking.

Can I fix you a drink? Yeah.
Show me how the butlers buttle.

I'll mix you a drink that
mr. Martin named after me.

He called it a "ward heeler." One
drink and you'll vote for anybody.

Louise tells me you're retiring
and going back to georgia.

- That's right.
- Why would anybody
in his right mind...

Wanna go back down south?

I suppose you think I should
go someplace safe, like boston.

Relax.

Around here, we
answer our own door.

Agony. Mr. Jefferson,
I'm in agony.

This is an emergency.

Don't even bother to take off
your shoes. Just come aboard.

It's okay. He's english.

Oh, yes. Oh, that's
it. Oh, rapture. Yes.

Oh! It's all beginning
to fall into place now.

Oh! Sheer rapture.

Did it work? Oh, thank
you, mr. Jefferson.

You're better than
all the wonder dr*gs.

It's a pity we can't bottle
your feet and sell them.

How did it happen this
time? It was the silliest thing.

I was cooking my dinner, and I
reached down for some oregano...

Would you mind not putting
your shoes on just yet?

Not again? Uh-huh. Aah!

That's the trouble area.

If you'll hold still, I think
I might be able to help.

Well, that's-that's astounding.
That's absolutely amazing.

How did you learn to do that? I've
done some reading on the subject.

Mr. Martin, the man I used to work for,
gave me full use of the family library.

I don't believe we've
met. I'm harry bentley.

How do you do, sir? And you
must be mrs. Jefferson's uncle tom.

Who told you my name was tom?

Why, mr. Jefferson.

We met in the elevator, and he
told me he was expecting you.

Well, on behalf of my back,
I thank you both very much.

I better get back to my kitchen
before my fettuccine self-destructs.

Good-bye.

George, why did you
call me an uncle tom?

Just listen to yourself. "Mr.
Martin this," "mr. Martin that,"

"Yes, sir," "no, sir,"
"three bags full, sir."

Jefferson speaking.

Oh, mr. Patterson. Yes, sir.

No, it's no problem. We'll
take care of it. Be glad to.

Look, it's my pleasure. Whatever
makes you happy, that's all that matters.

Okay. Yes, sir. Good-bye.

I've been butterin' that h*nky up
for six months, but it's all worth it...

Because I finally
got his business.

How come when I do what you
just did, you call it "tommin',"

And when you do
it, it's business?

What? Don't come asking me no dumb
question like that about difference.

You know what the difference
is. The difference is, uh...

Yes? Look, everybody
knows the difference.

It's... Don't you
know the difference?

Weezy, lionel's home.

Do you remember my son
lionel, who's on the dean's list?

Hi, lionel. Hi. What
happened to you?

Nothing. There was this
fight in the school cafeteria.

I told you not
to get in trouble.

Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

Are you sure you're
okay? Mom, I'm okay.

Well, thank god.
That's all that matters.

I'm glad you feel that way. I
just got kicked out of school.

It was a trip. It was unreal.

The white kids were
on one side of me.

The puerto rican kids were on the other
side, and they was really going at it.

Tables was getting knocked over.
Chairs were flying through the air.

That cafeteria's a
mess. How did it start?

I don't know. I was too busy
trying to get out of there.

I got trapped with the puerto rican
kids between me and the door, right?

So I turned my collar and ducked
my head down and tried to pass.

How are you gonna pass? You
don't look like no puerto rican.

I was trying to get by, and
I was getting away with it...

Till this one big dude
walked up to me and said...

So I tried to make friends
by speaking spanish,

But all I could think of
at the time was "kemosabe."

That's how I got this.

But what's all that got to do with
you getting kicked out of school?

The next thing I know, there
was cops all over the place,

And I got picked up and hauled off
with everybody else to the dean's office.

Well, after you told them
your story... He didn't believe me.

We all know the reason
why. 'Cause you black.

- Nah.
- Ain't no other
explanation for it.

There's gotta be in this case
'cause the dean's black too.

And them's the worst kind.

There's something I don't
quite understand about this.

They can't throw you out
of school without a hearing.

There's gonna be a hearing,
but it ain't gonna do me no good.

What makes you say
that? The dean said...

He was gonna see
to it I get suspended.

Well, if you didn't
do anything wrong...

Well, the dean got all steamed up
'cause he hates all kind of racial trouble.

So I just tried to explain to him
and he started getting all on my case.

He wouldn't even listen. So I just
raised my hand to get his attention,

And that's when he
kicked me out of school.

But, lionel, that
doesn't make any sense.

How can you get thrown out of college
just for raising your hand to the dean?

- You know what
the peace sign is, right?
- Yes.

Well, I just gave
him half of it.

What the devil are
you laughing at?

That was a stupid
thing for lionel to do.

Why? He got the dean's
attention, didn't he?

He got kicked out of
school too. Oh, yeah.

That was a stupid thing to do.

Now what do we do?

One thing lionel
ought to do right away,

And that's go back down to the dean's
office and apologize for that gesture.

- You would say that.
- Uncle ward,
maybe you haven't heard.

But these are the '70s and I don't
crawl. I don't tom for nobody.

Lionel!

- Uncle ward.
- I need some fresh air.

Well, what are we
gonna do about lionel?

I don't know. You're his
father. You think of something.

You're his mother. Half of the
thinking ought to be on your head.

Yeah, you're right.
I'll think of something.

You'd probably
mess it all up anyway.

Are you saying I don't have the brains
to handle this particular situation?

I'm gonna have to take
the fifth on that one.

- Where are you going?
- Someplace where I can think.

I'm up, louise.

That's a thrill.

Did lionel come home?

Yes. He's locked
himself in his bedroom.

Where's george? He's
locked himself in the john.

And where has your
uncle locked himself?

He went out.

Do you mind if I give
you some advice, louise?

Yes. You've got to learn
to control your temper.

It's breaking up
your whole family.

Leaving so soon?

Well, I hate to
overstay my welcome.

Somehow I felt I did that the
moment I walked through the door.

Where's louise? I'd like to say
good-bye to her before I go.

She's out. She had to get up
early this morning to go shopping.

I'll wait for her. Do you mind if
I serve myself a cup of coffee?

Nobody serves better than you.

Tell me something, george.

You like to use the
words "uncle tom" a lot.

Only when it fits. Do you know
who uncle tom really was?

Sure. He was that dumb n*gga who used
to thank simon legree for whippin' him.

Wrong. That's another
one of those lies about

Our people that has
been accepted as truth.

Who was he then,
superfly in disguise?

No, george.

In real life, uncle tom was a
sl*ve named josiah henson...

Who escaped and walked all
the way from kentucky to canada...

With his wife and children.

And there he started the first
manual training school for our people.

How you know that? I
read. Sometimes I listen.

You could do the
same thing. Huh.

You heard of the
underground railroad? Sure.

Well, josiah henson helped a
hundred slaves escape up north...

Even before there was
an underground railroad.

He was a brave
man, a great leader.

And I'll tell you
something else, george.

I'd never call you an uncle tom.

- I've got great news. Where's lionel?
- He's in his room.

Lionel! Lionel,
come out here quick!

Take it easy! You're
shakin' the plaster loose!

What is it, mom? You're not
getting kicked out of school.

That's great. How do you
know? I've just been down...

And had a talk with the
dean... What'd you do that for?

Will you listen? I told him why
you got angry. He's a fair man.

He said it isn't the first time he
got half a peace sign flipped at him.

And? And considering
your good record,

He's willing to give
you another chance.

Meaning what? Meaning, you
can kiss your troubles good-bye.

And what else I gotta kiss?

Nothing. Just pay for your share
of the damage to the cafeteria...

And sign a statement of regret.

Whoo! Yea! Then
it's all settled.

Great, weezy. You done great.

Lionel, I'm gonna give you a blank check
to pay for your part of the damages.

Uh-uh, pop. What?

I'm not going down there and apologize
for something I didn't do and pay for it.

It's just a few lousy bucks and a
signature. Who's gonna know the difference?

I will. What's the
matter with you?

You think education
grows on trees?

You're gonna go back to that school
and you're gonna get that diploma...

If it's the last
thing I ever do.

Why don't we all just take
it easy and talk this out?

Now, if I may make a suggestion...
You don't understand.

Just stay out of this. Lionel,
I know you think I'm nothing...

But what you call
an old uncle tom.

That's pretty close. What
you don't realize, in my time,

Back where I come from, being a
tom was the only way to survive.

That's nice, but I'm not interested
in ancient history right now.

Lionel! Hey, man, get off...

I used to spit out six like you
before breakfast, so you just listen!

If it hadn't been for
us old uncle toms,

You young bloods wouldn't
be around here today.

I remember the time when
we negroes... Uh, blacks.

Look, lionel, it
took us a couple of

Hundred years to get
from n*gg*r to colored,

And it took me 25 more years
to get from colored to n*gro,

So you'll just have to forgive
me if it takes me a little more time...

To get to black.

The point I'm trying to
make is, I agree with you, son.

You what? You mean you
want him to stay out of school?

I didn't say that.
I don't think...

He should sign an apology
for something he didn't do.

All right. But I do think you
should go down and talk to the dean.

Oh, I get it. You don't want me to
sign, but you do want me to crawl.

No. I want you to go down there
and fight to stay in that school.

Except this time use your
brains instead of your hands...

And show that dean
who's the better man.

Yeah, you show him.

Yeah, well, that's easy to say.

But when I'm talking to somebody
who ain't listening, I get mad.

- And when I get mad,
I start hollering.
- He takes after his father.

There's nothing wrong with that.

When you're in the right, a
little mouth goes a long way.

- Yeah.
- When you're in the right.

- You really think
it'll work, uncle ward?
- Sure it will.

Listen to your uncle ward. He
knows what he's talking about.

Okay. Okay, I'll give it a try.

You gonna be here when I
get back? 'Course he will.

The man just got here. He's
hardly had a chance to visit with us.

All right. All right,
I'll see you later.

Uh-oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Take care.

Well, since I'm
gonna be staying,

I guess I'll take these
bags back to my room.

Woop! I'll take
care of that, sir.

What did he say? I
think he said "sir."

That's right. Your
uncle's older than me.

It's just a sign of respect.
Don't you know nothin', weezy?

You know something, weezy? This
black history is really interesting.

Yes. Wasn't it nice of uncle
ward to send you those books?

When I went to school, the only
black history we learned about was...

Little black sambo
and black beauty.

A midget and a horse.

Well, my education was
better than yours, george.

I went to the disney movies...

And I learned all about
brer rabbit, uncle remus...

And zippity-do-dah.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm
gonna send this book to president ford.

What for? He can learn about
george washington carver.

Look,

If george washington carver was alive
today, we wouldn't have no energy crisis.

Huh? Anybody that can
get oil from a peanut...

Wouldn't have no trouble
getting oil out of them arabs.

♪♪

♪♪

The jeffersons was recorded on
tape in front of a studio audience.