01x10 - Rich Man's Disease

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

[Yelps] I got you now, woman.

I'm gonna kiss you and hug you,
then I'm gonna grab you by the hair...

And drag you into the bedroom, where
I'll make mad, passionate love to you.

Oh, that's wonderful.
That's marvelous.

Who is this?

It better be me, or
you're in trouble.

I knew it was you. Why
are you acting so silly?

I got something to tell you, and I
wanted to put you in a good mood first.

Why? Is it bad news?

No, it ain't bad news, but
it ain't exactly good news.

What's the trouble, george? Nothing,
but I think you better sit down first.

What are you trying to tell me? I want
you to understand it's nothing serious,

Even though it
sounds like it is.

George jefferson, will you
please tell me what's going on?

- Okay. I'll tell you
on one condition.
- What's that?

You got to promise not to throw your hands
in the air and say "oh, my god!" Okay?

- Okay.
- I just came back
from the doctor...

Oh, my god!

You promised. George,
what is it? Tell me!

Well... Well, the doctor
said... I want the truth, george.

The truth, george, the
truth. Well, the doctor...

No matter what
it is, I can take it.

How can you take
it before I give it?

Now just hush up and
let me say my peace, okay?

All right. Well, the
doctor said I got an ulcer.

An ulcer? Uhh! There it is.

Oh, you poor darling. Did he
give you something for the pain?

Yeah. He gave me
a downer. A pill?

No, a bill.

A hundred and ten dollars.
Made me numb all over.

Is there anything
I can do to help?

No. The doctor gave me some white tablets
to chew on, then put me on a special diet.

What kind of diet? You know,
stuff like milk, rice, farina.

Ugh! I hated that
mush even as a baby.

But, george, if it'll
make you feel better...

It ain't fair. I mean, all those
years eating nothing but junk food,

Livin' in tenements,
not a dime to my name,

And I never got
sick a day in my life.

Now I'm eating good food, got lots
of money to spend, and I still get sick.

How do you explain that? Maybe because
your stomach hasn't seen your bankbook.

[Groans]

You ain't helpin' me none,
weezy. Oh, I'm sorry, george.

Why don't you lie
down and take it easy?

Yeah, good idea.

What you got there?

Oh, I'm just trying to clean out the
junk we've collected over the years.

Honestly, I don't know why we
kept this stuff in the first place.

Like this, for instance. Hey,
you ain't throwing that out.

That's my boxing
trophy I won in the navy.

I was the only one on the
ship with a perfect record.

Five fights and five knockouts.

But you told me you
were a terrible fighter.

I was. It was me that
always got knocked out.

"To gentleman george. The only
thing he ever hit was the canvas."

[Doorbell rings] why don't
you check through the box...

And see what else
you would like to keep.

Hi, louise. Oh, hi, come in.

No, I have to get to the bank. I just
wanted to make sure you were in.

What for? Well, tom's home now,

So I'll get him to bring down that
lounge chair we got for your terrace.

Oh, thank you.

We'll be down as soon as I
get back from the bank. Bye.

Well, hurry back, helen.
I can't wait to see it.

That's the kind of visits I like
from mrs. Half and half willis:

Short and outside
the door. George!

Okay, okay. Forget it.

Hey, look at this handsome self.

Ain't that a great picture
of me in my dress whites?

Oh, you were so cute. Cute?

That ain't no way to be
talkin' to no w*r hero.

I had one of the most dangerous
jobs in the navy, you know.

I thought you
worked in the kitchen.

I did, and I had to face
200 angry sailors...

After they ate my cookin'.

Hey, here's one I ain't
seen in a long time.

Picture of me and you right after
we got engaged. Ain't that nice?

Yeah. It's a good picture of
you, but half of me is cut off.

Ain't that a drag? Who's the
dumbbell who took this picture?

Your mother.

Oh, well, then
you must've moved.

If I hadn't moved, I wouldn't
be in the picture at all.

Oh, you're trying to say
mama did it on purpose, huh?

No, but if you
want me to, I will.

Louise... And another
thing about your mother...

Lay off mama, will you?

I'm sorry, george.
Are you all right? Yeah.

Oh, and we don't need this
old address book anymore.

Who's this girl?

What girl?

There's only one
girl in the picture.

Oh, that girl? Nobody.
You can throw that out.

Ain't no sense cluttering
up the house with that.

No. I want to know
who this clutter is.

I told you. I don't know.
Why don't you believe me?

Because it says here,
"to george, with love."

Well, then it must be
one of your relatives.

I don't think so, george.

Nobody in my family
feels that way about you.

Let me see that again.

Oh, I remember her.

That's harriet what's-her-name.
Some girl I used to know.

How well did you know her?

I went out with her a
couple times. Was no big thing.

You the one I married. When I was
with her, I was just practicin' up for you.

It's a pity you didn't
take more lessons.

Come on, weezy, that was before I even
knew you. I went out with lots of girls.

But this is the only girl
whose picture you kept. Why?

Okay, you wanna know the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth?

She was my first girl. You know
how kids are. I thought I was in love.

It was a kind of
special time in my life.

You know, a man likes to
look back on things like that.

Honest, weezy! I was
gonna throw it away lots

Of times, but it kept
stickin' to my hand.

Okay, george. I understand.

We'll keep it. No,
we'll throw it out.

Why? Well, now that
you know all about it,

It ain't no fun no more.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that must be tom and helen.

[Groans]

Hello. Oh, hi,
mr. Bentley. Come in.

Thank you. Forgive my
popping in this way, but...

You never pop in any
other way, bentley.

George! Don't mind him, mr. Bentley.
He's not feeling well today.

Oh, dear. Hard cheese, old man.

Perhaps I should pop out
and pop in another time, huh?

Forget it. Since
you're already popped,

Let's have the hard
cheese and get it over with.

Well, I've got this little surprise
for you, but you must close your eyes.

Mr. Bentley, I think
this is the wrong time...

Let's close our eyes,
louise. Maybe he'll disappear.

Voilà.

Voilà.

That means you can
open your eyes now.

It's just a bunch of rolls.
Not just rolls, mr. Jefferson.

These are hot cross
buns. I baked them

Myself and I thought
you might like a batch.

- What kind of buns?
- Hot cross. Very popular in england.

Hmm. A hot cross is very
popular where I come from too.

What?

Thank you, mr. Bentley. It
was very considerate of you.

Well, I'm sorry you're not feeling better,
mr. Jefferson. What is it, a touch of flu?

No. He's got an ulcer.

An ulcer? Oh, you have
the rich man's disease.

- Say what?
- Oh, yes.

Ulcers are very popular
among the rich, just like gout.

Well, how rich you got
to be to get an ulcer?

Oh, exceeding rich.

You hear that, weezy? I
got my ulcer ahead of time.

It's one of those things
that goes with the territory.

Big money, bigger needs. Bigger
needs, higher blood pressure.

Higher blood
pressure, weaker heart.

Weaker heart, ta-ta.

Are you trying to say
that I'm heading for ta-ta?

It all depends on how you handle
it. Now, you take my uncle cedric.

He had a nagging wife
and five nasty children.

On top of that, he
hated his business.

He developed an ulcer and then
one day, he went just like that.

He d*ed?

No, he went. He left home.

He's living now on an
island in the south seas.

What about his ulcer?

Oh, he hasn't thought
about it in years.

He's much too busy
treating his malaria.

Uh, mr. Bentley, could you give
me the recipe for these buns?

Gladly.

The secret, of course, is
to make your own dough.

That's something you know
all about, isn't it, mr. Jefferson?

Mr. Bentley, I'm not really
interested in your recipe.

I'm worried about george.

What could be the
cause for his ulcer?

Well, some form
of stress, probably.

Can you think of anything
that's been aggravating him?

Well, I don't know. George gets
upset when I disagree with him,

When I argue with his mother,

When I invite the willises
over, lots of things.

Well, then the answer is
to stop doing those things.

You must try to protect him from anyone
or anything that causes him aggravation.

Oh, george is so proud.

If he found out I was doing that,
it would make him even more upset.

Then don't tell him.
[George] louise, come here!

In a minute, george! I'm busy!

Ah-ah. Oh, yeah.

Coming, dear!

Well, good-bye, mr. Jefferson.
I do hope you're feeling better.

Remember, I'm right next door. If
you need anything, just call on me.

- I won't.
- Oh, well, you never know.

Ulcers can go from bad to worse,
you know, and when yours does...

And you're in excruciating
pain, I'll drive you to the hospital.

So you see, you have
nothing to worry about.

Oh, what is it, dear? Is there
anything I can do for you?

Yeah. You can keep
your mouth shut.

Don't be telling
nobody I'm sick.

Anything you say,
george. [Doorbell rings]

And I mean nobody, you hear?

All right, george. Just
don't get aggravated.

Hi, louise. I'll bet you can't wait
till you see this on your terrace.

- [Groans]
- forget it. We're busy.

Weezy, you feeling all right?

I feel fine.

Then it must be me. I'm in worse
shape than I thought I was.

- What?
- And my eyes are going too.

I could have sworn I saw you
slam the door on the odd couple.

I did. They're always hanging
around here. We can do without them.

You're catching on, weezy.

I think I'll just go
take a nap. Good idea.

Would you like to take
some warm milk with you?

I'm going in there to lie
down, not to throw up.

I just can't believe it.

I can believe it. She
almost got my nose.

Well, that's the last time
she ever slams the door on us.

There must be something wrong.

No, you just didn't push
the button for our floor.

I mean with louise.

She would never do a thing
like that without a good reason.

Maybe she's trying
to tell us something.

I don't think she's trying.
I think she succeeded.

But she might be in trouble. Maybe there's
a maniac in there holding a g*n on her.

Oh, george wouldn't do that.

I'm serious, tom.

[Doorbell rings]

Louise could be in danger. Why
are we ringing the bell again?

Why aren't we calling the
police? We'd look silly if I'm wrong.

We could look
dead if you're right.

Tom, helen, thank
goodness you came back.

Come in, come in. You
sure it's all right?

Of course, it's all right.
Come in. You're, um, alone?

Yes. George is taking
a nap. Nothing's wrong?

Oh, no. Oh, look, I'm sorry I
slammed the door on you like that.

Make yourselves comfortable
while I bring out the coffee.

Oh, would you like
a hot cross bun?

- No, just an explanation.
- Coming up.

Weezy, I think I'll
take some cocoa.

Hi, george. What's going on?

George!

How did they get in here?

I don't know. They was
already here when I came out.

How did we get in here?

I don't know, but I know
how we get out of here.

No. Hold it, tom.

Don't you have something
to say to us, louise?

- Yes. Bye!
- That's it. Come on, helen.

You handled that real
well, weezy. What is that?

That's a new lounge chair for the
terrace. Would you like to see it?

We didn't need it anyway!

I'll get your cocoa, george.

I just can't understand
what's gotten into louise.

I think it's obvious. Living with george
all these years has finally taken its toll.

What's that supposed to
mean? I mean she's flipped.

She turned into a female george.

That's a horrible thing to say.
Can you think of something else?

Well, I know there must be an
explanation for her behavior.

I'll give you one.
She doesn't like us.

Couldn't you see there was
something upsetting her?

Sure. Our presence in her
apartment. Oh, be sensible, tom.

What do you mean? I'm the only one
who's making any sense around here.

Everyone else has gone
crazy. Don't call my friend crazy.

If you can't see you've been
insulted, you're as nuts as she is.

What? Nuts. Let's go.

No. I'm not getting into the same
elevator with somebody who thinks I'm nuts.

I'll take the stairs, thank you.

Oh, come on, helen.
Don't be stupid. Stupid?

I'm taking the stairs!

No, no, you take the
elevator. I'll take the stairs.

I am taking the stairs!

Oh, no, you're not!
I'm taking the stairs!

Where are you taking the stairs?

I mean, you will bring
them back, won't you?

Because they're jolly
useful things to have around.

It was just a little joke.

Here's your cocoa, george.

Thanks. I think I'll just
stretch right out here.

Hi, mom.

Oh, hi, lionel. Hello, mother
jefferson. How was your afternoon?

Wonderful. Do you
know this is the 15th year...

That I have taken lionel to
the easter show at radio city?

Did you enjoy it, lionel?

Oh, he always enjoys
it, don't you, lionel?

Yeah, I get a big kick
out of the rockettes.

And what else did you
enjoy? Ah, come on, grandma.

Go and tell 'em. What
else did you enjoy, lionel?

The jujubees you always buy me.

You didn't finish them.

Louise, you should
have been there.

This year, the stage show was
called the glory of easter pageant...

And burt reynolds was wonderful.

Oh? Well, what did burt
reynolds play? The easter bunny?

No, no, no, mom.
See, he was in movie.

Oh, was burt reynolds
in the movie too?

Pop, what are you doing
home this time of day?

Just restin' up.
How you doin', ma?

Hello, george.

George isn't feeling too good.
Oh, dear. What's the matter, son?

Oh, it ain't nothing.
Just an upset stomach.

George, you really got
to start eating out more.

Mama, now, please don't...
Don't argue with your mother.

That's a good idea,
mother jefferson.

Uh, lionel, will you please
give me a hand in the kitchen?

Yeah, sure.

Give me strength. Just give me
strength. What's the matter, mom?

Lionel, the first chance you
get, I want you to go upstairs...

And apologize to
the willises for me.

For what? I threw
them out of the house.

You what? I had to.

It was upsetting your
father, and he's got an ulcer.

An ulcer? Shh! Nobody's
supposed to know it.

Oh, oh. An ulcer? Yes.

Why do you think I took all that
guff from your grandmother?

So your father
wouldn't be upset.

We've got to protect him and keep
him from things that aggravate him.

You mean you want
me to leave home?

Lionel! I'm sorry. Look,
what gave him the ulcer?

Oh, I think it's all
those business worries.

All that stress and
strain isn't good for him.

Well, I don't know. That
depends on what kind of stress.

You know, I was listening to this
psychiatrist on tv the other day,

And he was saying that some
kind of stress can be good for you.

I mean, like you could be driving
yourself hard 24 hours a day,

But if you're enjoying it, then
that's what you call "joyful stress."

Well, maybe your father isn't enjoying
it anymore, and that's ulcer stress.

So just help me keep things
cool around here, will you?

Okay, you mean this isn't the time
to tell him that jenny's pregnant?

Jenny is what?

Shh! Got to keep
things cool, remember?

Ohh!

[Phone ringing] get that
for me, will you, son?

Oh, yeah, okay.

Hello? Who?

Oh, yeah. What?

Uh, hold on. I'll get pop.

It's mr. Taylor from the store up
in the bronx. He's got big trouble.

What? Relax,
george. I'll take that.

Hello, mr. Taylor?
This is mrs. Jefferson.

- Oh, no!
- What is it?

Oh, nothing, nothing. Relax.

George. Yeah, ma?

Maybe I ought to move
in here for a few weeks...

And cook some good
meals for you for a change.

No, you ain't gotta do that.

After all, there's nothing
like the food mama used to cook.

Louise already gives
me that kind of food.

I mean your mama, not her.

What do you mean, the whole
staff walked out on you?

Look, mr. Taylor, my
husband isn't here,

So you'll just have to cope
with the problem yourself.

Look, it's not my fault your
air conditioner's broken down.

No, I don't know where you can
get help on such short notice.

Yes, I know it'll cost a fortune
if we lose the hospital contract.

Look, I'll call you back.

Mom, are you okay?

I think your father
might be contagious.

It could be food
poisoning, louise.

No, I don't feel that bad.

I'm talking about george.

I think it's because you use
that dishwashing machine...

Instead of scrubbing your pots
and pans by hand like I always did.

I think the machine
does them better.

That's depends on who's
doing the scrubbing.

You're absolutely right.

Oh, my, what are you doing...

With this picture
of harriet johnson?

Oh, we were just going
through old photographs,

And george wants
me to throw it out.

Do you mind if I keep it?

- For what?
- As a souvenir of
what might have been.

Mama, now don't
be startin' nothin'.

They made such a lovely couple.

Is that so?

And harriet was a
good cook like me.

Oh, not that I'm
criticizing your cooking.

I know that.

And george's father never had a stomachache
all the years that we were married.

No. All you gave him
was a pain in the neck.

- Louise!
- And you have given me
a pain somewhere else!

I don't have to stand
for that. Then sit down!

Louise, what is the
matter with you?

Nothing now.

I feel great!

Thank you, mother jefferson.

You're welcome.

Louise, would you like
me to make some coffee?

That would be
nice. [Phone ringing]

Hello.

Oh, yeah, hold on, mr. Taylor.
Oh, I'll take that, lionel.

No, I'll take it. No, george, you're
not supposed to get aggravated!

Okay, then give it
to me and hush up!

Taylor? Jefferson
speaking. Yeah, give it to me.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Okay, now, this is what you do. You
know the hardware store on the corner?

Well, you rent
six fans from them.

Don't be arguin' with me!
George, don't get so excited.

Then you call my other
stores. Yes, all of them!

You tell them to send one girl from
each store in a taxi to your place fast.

What do you mean, what
if they don't want to come?

You just pay them double time,
and they'll get there double quick!

You still won't make the
deadline? The hell you won't!

You just call the
hospital, and tell them

We'll deliver the first
thing in the morning.

Don't be arguing!
Just do what I say!

What's the use of my
trying to help you...

If you're going ahead and getting
yourself aggravated like that?

That ain't
aggravation. That's fun.

Fun? Yeah, sure.

Hey, you know what?
I'm hungry as an ox.

Yeah, see, mom? That's what I
was talking about in the kitchen.

Hey, pop, have you ever
heard of joyful stress?

Yeah, that's one of them gospel
songs like "amazing grace."

No.

No, no, see, that's a way of enjoying
work pressure, like what you just did.

And, mom, the way you blew up at
grandma, you felt better right away, right?

That's right, I did. It's holding
things in that makes you feel bad.

You know, he's right.

We're gonna have to start spreadin'
a lot more joyful stress around here.

Say, you know what? That
pain just took the train.

And if that's what it takes, that's the
way I'm gonna be from now on. What way?

No holding back. From now on, I
gonna say exactly what I think.

No more mr. Nice guy.

George, I've been thinking.

It will be better if I do
sleep here tonight. Mama, i...

And that way, I can make you some
of my nice rice pudding with warm milk.

You would like that,
wouldn't you, son?

Mama... You would, wouldn't you?

Yeah, mama, that'd
be great. [Groans]

[Louise] the jeffersons was recorded
on tape in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪♪